In this episode, Ilian Alchehayed, a Certified Family Law Specialist in Orange County, California, shares insights from his experience working with families navigating divorce. He explores the challenges parents face during separation and emphasizes why understanding the impact on children is essential.

Ilian discusses how parenting time schedules have shifted over the years—from flexible arrangements to more structured and rigid systems—and what that means for families today. He highlights the importance of truly putting children first, noting that outcomes for kids are closely tied to the decisions and behaviors of their parents.

He also breaks down how divorce affects children differently depending on their age, and why greater awareness of these developmental differences can help parents better support their kids through the transition.

The conversation dives into the realities of co-parenting, including common pitfalls and strategies for doing it effectively. Ilian shares real-world examples of how fear-driven decisions can negatively impact children—and how parents can instead make thoughtful, child-centered choices.

Ultimately, Ilian reinforces that while divorce is difficult, children can adapt and even thrive when parents remain intentional, cooperative, and focused on their well-being.

Ilian practices at Tustin Law Group.

He also recommends the book The Whole-Brain Child as a valuable resource for parents seeking to better understand and support their children at various stages of development.

For information on this podcast or if you want to be a guest you can find more details at my website.

Takeaways

• Certified Family Law Specialist
• Impact of Divorce on Children Parenting after divorce
• Impact of divorce on children

Chapters

• 00:00 Becoming a Certified Family Law Specialist
• 10:28 The Evolution of Parenting Time and Parenting Schedules
• 36:48 Co-Parenting and Parenting Styles
• 51:39 Parenting After Divorce
• 01:04:09 Co-Parenting and Child Support
• 01:19:13 The Reality of Divorce
• 01:28:06 Making Decisions from a Fear-Based Position

Carly is the mother of Kate (episode 14) and stepmother to Sydney (episode 15) and in this episode she reflects on their episodes and what she heard, what surprised her and what resonated with her. She covers a wide range of topics, including her own speech pathology and how that impacted her step-parenting, personal experiences with illness and parenting, her divorce, difficult co-parenting and positive step-parenting.

Takeaways

• Resilience and support play a crucial role in recovery and coping with life-changing experiences.
• Step-parenting and co-parenting dynamics have a significant impact on children and their perspectives. Respectful co-parenting relationships are crucial for the well-being of children.
• Parental support and independence play a significant role in children's development.

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction and Background
• 05:08 Impact on Children During Illness
• 10:27 Impact of Divorce on Children
• 16:58 Step-Parenting and Co-Parenting Dynamics
• 23:05 Step-Parenting and Co-Parenting Dynamics with Teenagers
• 28:42 Step-Parenting and Co-Parenting Reflections on Parenting
• 34:33 Step-Parenting and Co-Parenting Challenges and Responsibilities
• 47:21 Navigating Co-Parenting Relationships
• 53:50 Parental Influence and Independence
• 01:03:12 Reflections on Parenting and Co-Parenting
• 01:26:49 Community Support and Impact on Children

Sydney shares the story of growing up through two pivotal family transitions—her parents’ divorce and the arrival of a stepmother who would become a defining figure in her life. She reflects on the early years of that relationship, the bond they built before her half-siblings were born, and how that connection later unraveled as her father and stepmother went through their own divorce—marking a second major upheaval in her childhood.

In the midst of that instability, Sydney stepped into a caregiving role for her younger step-siblings while navigating difficult and sometimes inappropriate dynamics at home. She also explores how her stepmother became a key advocate in understanding her ADHD diagnosis—support that has evolved into a strong and lasting relationship they still share today.

Sydney speaks candidly about the ways she sought her father’s attention by molding herself around his interests, and the lasting impact that had on her sense of self. She also reflects on how financial stress and communication within her family shaped her beliefs and behaviors in adulthood, particularly in her own marriage.

Ultimately, Sydney’s story is one of resilience and self-awareness—illustrating how childhood experiences can both challenge and motivate us. Today, she maintains close relationships with her mother, stepmother, and siblings, and uses the insight she’s gained to guide her decisions and embrace the growth that came from it all.

Takeaways

• Impact of divorce on childhood memories
• Role of step-parent in coping and support The impact of divorce on children is long-lasting and can influence their adult life and relationships.
• Positive parental interactions and involvement are crucial for mitigating the impact of divorce on children.

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction and Personal Background
• 06:05 Financial Impact of Divorce
• 21:32 Transition and Changes in Custody
• 32:52 Therapy and Coping Mechanisms
• 42:41 Parental Relationships and Impact on Children
• 56:02 Coping with Divorce and Career Choices
• 01:03:23 Personal Growth and Overcoming Adversity
• 01:09:26 Reflections and Book Recommendations

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Contact with questions or if you want to be a guest: [email protected]

This is Part 1 of a 3-part series featuring a daughter, stepdaughter, and mother reflecting on their shared and overlapping childhood experiences.

In this episode, Kate—17 and preparing to graduate high school—shares her perspective on growing up in a split household, beginning with her parents’ divorce when she was just three years old. With honesty and insight, she explores what it was like to have no memory of her parents together, and how early she realized her family looked different from others around her.

Kate opens up about the challenges of transitioning between two homes, explaining how frequent switches were especially difficult when she was younger, and how moving to a week-on/week-off schedule as a teenager brought some relief—while still presenting its own struggles.

She also speaks candidly about the impact of her parents having no contact with each other, and how that often left her feeling caught in the middle. It’s something she reflects on deeply, offering thoughtful advice to parents navigating co-parenting dynamics and strongly advises against this dynamic.

The conversation also touches on the logistical challenges of living between homes—especially when one parent lives much farther from school—and how that can affect a child’s daily life.

Kate closes the episode by sharing how her upbringing has shaped her views on relationships, dating, and marriage. With intention and clarity, she expresses her hope to build a lasting marriage—something deeply influenced by her own family experience.

This episode is a powerful, personal look at divorce through the eyes of a child who lived it—and is now making meaning of it as she steps into adulthood.

Takeaways

• Impact of Divorce on Children
• Parental Communication
• Personal Growth and Reflection

Chapters

• 00:00 Early Years and Realization
• 06:00 Parental Communication and Relationships
• 11:49 Parental Involvement and Co-parenting
• 24:47 Reflection on Future Relationships

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Dustina Hall opens up about her experience growing up in a divorced family marked by instability, emotional strain, and complex family dynamics. From being placed in the middle of her parents’ conflict at a young age to navigating her father’s revolving door of relationships—and the constant uncertainty that came with it—Dustina shares how these experiences shaped her sense of safety and belonging.

She also speaks candidly about her mother’s struggles with mental illness and how that contributed to an unpredictable home environment. Carrying the weight of these challenges into her own life, Dustina reflects on developing an “always waiting for the other shoe to drop” mentality, as well as her battle with an eating disorder.

Through it all, Dustina’s story is one of resilience, growth, and healing. She offers thoughtful insight into the lasting impact divorce can have on children, while emphasizing the critical role of empathy, stability, and open communication in co-parenting relationships.

Now a step-parent herself, Dustina shares how her childhood experiences have informed a healthier, more intentional approach to parenting—one she is deeply proud of. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that even in the face of dysfunction, it is possible to break cycles, create safety, and build stronger, more compassionate family connections.

Takeaways

• Senior living advisors provide valuable support to families and seniors during the transition to assisted living and care facilities.
• The impact of divorce on children can be profound, leading to a lack of stability, predictability, and safety in their lives. Resilience
• Impact of Divorce on Children

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction and Career as a Senior Living Advisor
• 09:12 Realization of Non-Normative Family Structure
• 30:01 Trauma and Abuse in the Family
• 35:07 Navigating a Split Household
• 41:21 Impact of Divorce on Children
• 01:02:50 Healing and Values

In this episode, Devin reflects on life after his parents’ divorce when he was just five or six years old, growing up alongside his younger brother. He shares what it was like navigating childhood primarily with his dad, especially during a period when his mom disappeared and later resurfaced, facing time in jail.

Devin opens up about the early years of moving back and forth between parents, and how a series of major life events eventually led him to live full-time with his dad. He speaks candidly about seeing his mom intermittently, and how her later relationship with his stepfather brought additional challenges and emotional strain.

With striking self-awareness, Devin connects his childhood experiences to the person he is today. Now a teacher, he explains how those formative years allow him to connect with students on a deeper level—offering empathy, presence, and understanding that might not have been possible otherwise.

Throughout the conversation, Devin highlights the growth, accountability, and perspective he’s gained from navigating difficult circumstances. His story is a powerful reflection on resilience, self-discovery, and the lasting impact of childhood experiences.

Takeaways

• Impact of Divorce on Children
• Coping Mechanisms for Children of Divorce Resilience
• Parental Impact

Chapters

• 00:00 Parental Response and Coping Mechanisms
• 31:35 Early Family Dynamics and Stepfather Influence
• 38:01 Relationship with Parents as an Adult
• 43:37 Navigating Adulthood and Coping Mechanisms
• 58:48 Book Recommendations and Personal Interests

Tyson shares how her parents’ divorce in eighth grade felt surprisingly normal. With several relatives already divorced and family friends going through the same thing at the time, the transition into a new family dynamic felt easier and smoother than it might have otherwise.

She reflects on how her parents’ ability to remain cordial with one another played a major role in keeping life peaceful and stable. While there was never a clear explanation for the divorce—only speculation about a possible affair—her parents continued to maintain a respectful relationship that carried into her adulthood. Their cooperation helped make important milestones like college and marriage feel supported and manageable.

Looking back, Tyson acknowledges that some of her parents’ choices may have had more complicated effects on her sibling than on her. Still, her story highlights how parents who keep their adult conflicts separate from their parenting can create a sense of stability for their children, even during major family changes.

Takeaways

• Supportive friendships
• Cordial co-parenting

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction and Background
• 07:02 Tandem Divorcing
• 22:56 Impact on Children

Nicole shares the story of how her parents’ divorce came as a complete shock. Neither she nor her older siblings saw it coming, and the news left her feeling devastated and confused. In the immediate aftermath, Nicole struggled with feelings of embarrassment, as though the divorce reflected something about her or her family.

During that difficult time, she found comfort in the support of friends. Fortunately, her parents made a conscious choice that would shape her experience in a powerful way—they remained respectful and friendly with each other. Despite their separation, they showed remarkable grace and commitment to co-parenting, setting aside their own emotions to preserve a sense of family for the sake of their children.

Nicole reflects deeply on how the divorce affected her, especially as it coincided with other losses during her teenage years. As she grew older, she began to see her parents not just as parents, but as people. Learning more about their experiences and circumstances as a young adult shifted her perspective and allowed her to view the divorce through a more compassionate lens.

Now in her second marriage, Nicole shares how those early experiences have followed her into adulthood and shaped the way she views relationships today. Looking back, she feels incredibly fortunate that her parents chose decency, respect, and peace in the years that followed—sparring her and her siblings from deeper, lasting conflict and showing her that even in separation, family can still be held together with care and grace.

Takeaways

• Impact of Divorce on Children
• Parental Relationships
• Emotional Impact of Family Dynamics
• Parental Communication

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction and Background
• 08:21 Adolescent Years and Emotional Struggles
• 20:19 Understanding the Impact as an Adult
• 25:46 Revelation and Reflection
• 31:50 Family Reactions and Relationships
• 37:48 Parental Responsibility and Impact
• 48:24 Hope and Resilience

In this episode, Doug shares the story of his childhood shaped by divorce, remarriage, and divorce again. He reflects on how he and his brothers each processed their parents’ separation differently, and what it was like to welcome loving step-parents into their lives—only to lose them to more divorce. Doug opens up about the quiet grief of losing great step-parents, how he fought to stay connected, and how living between two vastly different financial households shaped his mindset around money and security.

Through the twists, instability, and deeply scarring moments of his first 18 years, Doug reveals how repeated loss leaves lasting fragments that carry into adulthood. He speaks candidly about what his relationships look like today—with his parents, brothers, and step-siblings—and why unrecognized childhood impacts don’t simply fade with time. His story is a powerful reminder that working to understand your past is the key to building a healthier, more intentional future.

Chapters

• 00:00 Early Life and Parental Divorce
• 05:55 Parental Relationships and Their Effect on Siblings
• 27:16 Parental Issues and their Impacts on Children
• 39:47 The Role of Step-Parents
• 50:40 Navigating Relationships Without a Template
• 56:08 Impact on Self-Worth and Relationships
• 01:09:02 Reconnecting with Father and Conflict Resolution

Angie opens up about how her parents’ divorce shaped her childhood—and how those early experiences echoed into her adult relationships with both of her parents. She reflects on the pain, resilience, and unexpected gifts that came from growing up between two very different households, including the powerful role of step-parents, the impact of parental communication (or lack thereof), and how outside influences can deeply affect a child’s sense of stability.

While she would never minimize some of the hardships and turmoil, Angie shares why she wouldn’t trade the lessons it taught her, how it forged her resilience, and how peace in one home versus turmoil in another guided her life decisions at 18 and beyond. This episode shines a compassionate light on the lasting effects of divorce on children—and Angie’s hope that parents truly understand the weight of their choices.

Takeaways

• Impact of divorce on children
• Parental communication and unity - the need for kids to know something
• Influence of external parties - positive and negative
• Resilience and coping mechanisms - the impacts will create certain traits into adulthood
• Long-lasting effects of divorce

Chapters

• 00:00 Influence of Extended Family and Friends
• 36:14 Parental Unity and Communication
• 44:45 Individual Processing of Trauma