In the Middle of It with Amy Kelly, The Ish Girl

Biggest Takeaways:

• When life gets tough, it's important to reach out to trusted friends for support and encouragement.
• Some days it's a struggle to want to connect with your teens, and it's especially critical to seek out community then.
• When life isn't going as planned, stress levels are high, and holding it together feels almost impossible, talk to someone.
• Reaching out to your community can encourage you and provide you with strategies to help get back on track, like using humor, deep breathing, or time outs (for yourself, not your teens!)
• Finding a safe place to share your concerns and frustrations is essential on your parenting journey.

Referenced in this Episode:

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Ep. 28 | It Takes a Village - Building a Parenting Community

→ Scott Westerfeld is a seasoned pro in the world of young adult literature (and one of my favorite ya authors!)

→ His new series that begins with Imposters is set in the same world as his previous "Uglies" series

→ While the issues and concepts in Imposters aren't necessarily obvious, they are there if you dig a little deeper

→ The issues that are found in Imposters are universal and more big-picture than some of the other novels I've talked about on CNP

→Identity←

Being in Victoria with the Palafoxes is the first time Frey has ever lived out in the open. She really starts to see how different her voice is from her sisters. When have you felt like your voice was really different than the people around you? What was that like?

→Parent-teen relationships←

When have you felt unseen or unappreciated by your family (us)? When have you felt like you were under the shadow of one of your siblings?

→Sibling relationships←

Frey and Rafia have a very close, loyal relationship. While she's with the Palafoxes, Frey discovers they've had a psychiatrist analyzing their family for years, and that Rafia struggles with trauma in a way Frey never realized. When have you discovered something new or surprising about a sibling or other family member?

→Independence←

When do you think you started "coming into yourself"? When have you ever felt like you "woke up" in the same way the pretties did?

→Privacy←

When have you ever felt like your privacy was violated? What did you do about it? Do you think teens have a "right" to privacy? What does that look like?

→Leadership←

Who are some of your favorite "leaders"? When have you felt controlled vs. led? What was the difference between those in charge in each of those situations?

→Obsession/Vengeance←

When have you ever been so hurt or angry that you wanted to lash out? When have you seen examples of people so focused on winning or getting revenge that they lose sight of everything else?

Referenced in this Episode:

Scott Westerfeld

Impostors

Uglies

Pretties

Specials

Extras

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Biggest Takeaways:

• Building a community is important when your raising your kids – especially when they're teens.
• You have to be intentional about building a community.
• Show up, even when it's hard or awkward.
• Communities may come and go during different parenting seasons, and that's okay.
• Successful communities support each other and don't keep score.

Referenced in this episode:

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Biggest Takeaways:

• You might be thinking: What does a podcast on the benefits of self-care have to do with connecting with my teen? My answer is: EVERYTHING.
• When you practice good self-care EVERYONE benefits.
• It's instinctual to put our kids first, BUT there is a time and a place for you to set everything aside and nurture your body, mind, and spirit.
• You can't take care of everyone else (or keep your sanity!) if you never take time to make sure you're taking care of you.
• 5 signs you need some self-care, ASAP:
  • You have a short fuse.
  • You find yourself unconsciously clenching body parts, and when you realize it, you have trouble relaxing your muscles.
  • You feel a constant sense of overwhelm.
  • All your interactions with your teen or spouse are adversarial or tense.
  • You feel resentful about the routine, day-to-day tasks you perform for your family.
• Practical ideas for practicing self-care in your day-to-day life:
  • Be good to your body.
  • Create daily.
  • Tend your relationships.
  • Tend yourself.
  • Create rituals versus routines.
• The ultimate benefit of good self-care? It puts you in the right mindset to connect with your teen.
• Do you struggle with self-care? I'd love to hear from you on Facebook or Instagram – tell me about your self-care experiences!

For RESOURCES mentioned in this show, please check out the episode page on theishgirl.com.

Biggest Takeaways:

• Everyone loves a good story - the human brain is literally wired to pay attention to stories, and to absorb the experiences of a story as its own.
• EVERYONE has a story to share – especially you!
• When you share your stories with your teen, you're connecting with them on a different level than when you just instruct or inform them.
• While you don't have to share all your stories, you can probably remember some that will help get your point across.
• Keep your stories short. More words = Less retainage.
• Don't be thrown if your teen's immediate reaction isn't positive – your stories will affect them at some level – it's how they're biologically programmed.
• If you really can't think of any of your own stories to share, talk about the ones you find in books and movies with your teen.

Referenced in this Episode:

Article: This is Your Brain on Storytelling

Article: The Science of Storytelling

Video: Future of Storytelling

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Biggest Takeaways:

• Children of Blood and Bone is an epic adventure with a new twist – it's set in a world inspired by West African mythology.
• The world-building is beautiful and exotic, the adventure is action-packed, and the plot is full of surprises.
• The characters are captivating and believable, and Adeyemi expertly draws us through their emotional journeys as well as their physical ones
• While Children of Blood and Bone does encompass several of the issues and themes I typically cover on Connection Not Perfection - family relationships, courage, emotional and physical abuse, grief, and fear about the future – this time, I focus on the larger social themes.
• Orïsha is a kingdom of oppression and injustice, with one particular people group targeted for extinction. We see the history of the monarchy's abuse of power and the intimacy of one of how the abuse has affected a particular family.
• This must-read book is the perfect vehicle to talk to your teens about racism, prejudice, and bias.

Referenced in this Episode:

Children of Blood and Bone, by Tomi Adeyemi

Tomi Adeyemi on the Tonight Show

Tomi Adeyemi in the News

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Biggest Takeaways:

• Teen stress and anxiety are very real issues (just check out the articles I've shared below.)
• School today is not the same as it was when we were kids.
• It's our job as parents to coach our teens on how to prioritize and to reassure them that no matter what, we are proud of them because they are ours.
• Modeling and teaching resilience to our teens is of highest importance – we learn more when we fall flat on our faces than when we succeed.
• Educating your teens about all the opportunities out there can help expand their horizons and alleviate some of the anxiety about getting into "THE" school or program they want

Referenced in this episode:

NYU Study

NY Times Article

10 Signs Your Teen is Stressed Out

Weekly Family Calendar

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown

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23rd Episode Show Notes

Biggest Takeaways:

• Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu is a great book to read if you want to engage your teen in a conversation about feminism and what that looks like in your own, everyday world.
• Being a feminist is all about equality for women and
• It's important to speak up for yourself, and for others.
• As a parent, it's all about attempting to connect – even if you don't get it right every time.

Referenced in this Episode:

Beth Moore's "Open Letter to my Brothers"

Mary and Martha's story

Jesus' first appearance after his resurrection

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Biggest Takeaways:

• We all have bad days in parenting our teens.
• It helps to let go of expectations and ditch perfectionism.
• It's Amy's passion to encourage, equip and entertain parents of teens with the podcast and other resources.
• While it would be great, the input/output concept doesn't apply to our teens.

Referenced in this Episode:

Taylor Swift's "22"

CBS Bible Study

Jimmy Fallon's Book Club Pick

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Biggest Takeaways:

• There are several life skills your teen won't learn in school (i.e. taking the initiative and being resourceful.)
• It's best to be deliberate and intentional about teaching your teen the necessary life skills (they won't necessarily pick them up just by watching you.)
• Your teen may look like an adult and often act like an adult, but she has to work on developing her executive function because it's not fully matured until the early 20's – it doesn't come naturally without training.
• Noelle Ward shares the top 5 things to start working on with your teen now.
• She also shares the top concerns she hears from parents and teens (hint: they're not the same!)
• There are some interesting new trends in post-secondary education.

Referenced in this Episode:

Noelle Ward's Web Page

Noelle Ward on Instagram

Freebie: 27 Tips, Tricks, Hacks & Life Skills Every Teen Must Master

Noelle Ward's Communication Smackdown e-course for teens

Noelle Ward's Money Management e-course for teens

Green Light Cards

Stephen Covey's Time Matrix Grid

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

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