In the Middle of It with Amy Kelly, The Ish Girl

Biggest Takeaways:

• David Drucker and Kit Lowell are two very distinct, well-developed characters
• Julie Buxbaum's portrayal of a teen boy with autism is realistic and, at times, gut-wrenching
• Her portrayal of a grieving teen girl is also authentic and compelling
• The involvement and advocacy of the parents in the book is inspiring and affirming
• The characters' relationships with their parents is complex and believable – from Kit facing her mother's flaws, to David's mother sitting next to him and rocking alongside him as he processed a trauma
• There are stand-up-and-cheer moments and crying moments

Ish Girl Notes: After the bleakness of watching all thirteen episodes of 13 Reasons Why for Episode 19, this book was a welcome counterbalance. It's optimism, the growth of the characters, the relationship that develops between Kit and David, the support that both characters receive from adults – these were all positive themes in the book.

What to Say Next by Julie Buxbaum

Questions for What to Say Next by Julie Buxbaum

Emily Roberson

The Astonishing Color of After by X.R. Pan

Join The Ish Girl's Weekly Email List

Publisher's Weekly Interview with Julie Buxbaum

Episode 18 | A Look at When We Collided by Emery Lord

Episode 19 | 7 Things to Know Before Watching Season 2 of 13 Reasons Why

Biggest Takeaways:

• 13 Reasons Why, a popular Netflix series, resonates deeply with today's teens.
• The issues it tackles (listed below) are portrayed with a gritty, visceral realism that is potentially triggering for some viewers.
• It is valuable, though difficult to watch, because it offers a tremendous opportunity to dialog with your teen about very serious topics.
• Being informed about the things your teen is watching, reading, or listening to is vital for staying connected – do your due diligence.
• The following are some of the issues in the 13 Reasons Why storyline:

• Sexual harassment and assault
• Bullying
• Drug use
• Alcohol use
• Pornography
• Guns in schools
• Friendship
• Family relationships
• Divorce
• Parental neglect
• Depression

If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or the Suicide Crisis Line at 1-800-784-2433.

If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

Referenced in this Episode:

Trailer for 13 Reasons Why Season 2

13 Reasons Why Discussion Guide

13 Reasons Why Resources

Mental Health Resources

The Ish Girl's FaceBook page

Get The Ish Girl's Weekly Email

Check out What to Say Next by Julie Buxbaum

Biggest Takeaways:

• When We Collided is a layered, beautiful walk through mental illness that is an excellent vehicle to discuss important issues with your teen.
• Mental health - especially depression, anxiety, and suicide - are the issues of our teens' generation.
• Mental illnesses are complex, treatable, manageable conditions.
• More people than you realize are suffering from mental illness.
• Speaking the truth about these diseases, versus tiptoeing around them, is powerful.
• If you or someone you love suffer from a mental illness, seeking treatment is the most courageous and loving thing you can do.

Issues Discussed in this Episode:

• Grief/Loss
• Depression
• Bipolar Disorder
• Sexual Activity
• Suicide
• Friendship
• Parental Neglect
• Teen/parent Relationships
• Sibling Relationships

Referenced in this Episode:

• Mental Health Resources
• When We Collided by Emery Lord
• All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven
• Questions for Any Book
• What to Say Next by Julie Buxbaum
• Episode 17
• Weekly emails from The Ish Girl
• The Ish Girl on FaceBook

Biggest Takeaways:

• You have your own umbrella (so does everyone else) and underneath it are your own thoughts, feelings, values, etc.
• You are not responsible for what is under anyone else's umbrella – and no one else is responsible for what's under yours
• When you try to take responsibility for anyone else's thoughts, feelings, values, etc., you are under their umbrella, not your own
• When you're under someone else's umbrella, it means they don't have to be responsible for their own stuff – because you're doing the job for them
• Our teens have their own umbrellas and trying to control their thoughts, feelings, values, etc. will backfire
• When we dialog about what is good, loving, and healthy rather than what makes me happy, we can have more productive conversations
• When you have teens, there are lots of gray areas, and sometimes you hold conflicting values – you have to figure out what value has priority in that moment and situation
• My responsibility as a parent is to train, model, and reinforce with the hope that my teens will adopt my values and beliefs – they have the freedom to adopt or reject them

You can join the Umbrella discussion here on FaceBook.

To listen to other discussions between Tami and Amy, check out Episodes 9 and 10.

Sign up here to receive Amy's weekly email.

Biggest Takeaways:

Our family looks forward to summer because of the freedom from schedules and the fun stuff we get to do.

BUT, we still have to get things done – namely, chore-type things.

Having a family discussion where teens share their input is great for getting them to buy in to the plan.

Sometimes, it's about the process rather than the end product – even if you don't walk away from a family summit with concrete plans, you've still taken an opportunity to connect.

Staying flexible is the name of the game!

Biggest Takeaways:

• So much of our culture points to an adversarial relationship between teens and parents.
• It's easy to get into a negative rut, especially when everyone in the family is in a busy season of life.
• To get back on track, focus on the bigger picture.
• Slow down and get intentional.
• Choose compassion and be quick to apologize.
• Have grace - with your teen and with yourself!
• It's not about not making mistakes - it's about what you do to make them right.
• Don't miss out - sign up for my weekly email here!

Biggest Takeaways:

• The strategies you used to answer questions when your teen was little aren't going to cut it now
• A teen's hard questions can be brutal
• When you know your own what and why on the issues, it makes it a lot easier to answer your teen's questions
• Honesty is the best policy - it builds trust
• Our teens face harsh realities every day - there are no guarantees
• Difficult questions are the norm - embrace them as a way to get to know your teen. Be grateful for the opportunity for connectedness!
• Join me on Facebook to discuss your teen's hard questions!

Biggest Takeaways:

• We Are Okay is the 2018 Printz Award Winner
• This is a gripping and powerful novel about grief and loss
• Empathy is an important skill to have as a parent and to model for teens
• Great books can help you grow your empathy – We Are Okay is one of them

Issues:

• Grief
• Loss
• Depression
• Dating
• Sexuality
• Friendship
• Secrets
• Parent/Family Relationships
• Community

Referenced in this episode:

We Are Okay by Nina LaCour

The Michael L. Printz Award for Excellence in Young Adult Literature

The Ish Girl on FaceBook

Ep. 11 | How to Rock a Teen Book Festival

Questions for We Are Okay

Biggest Takeaways:

• Book Festivals are a great way to expand your teen's world and, if they're avid readers, introduce them to their "tribe."
• There are definitely a few things to "know before you go"
• I have a whole new "To Be Read" stack on my nightstand – I'm super excited to work my way through it!
• Navigating a big event can be a great bonding experience for you and your teen!
• (Oh, and Cassandra Clare ROCKS as much in person as on the written page!)

Biggest Takeaways:

THINKS acronym

T – Is it true?

H – Is it helpful?

I – Is it inspiring?

N - Is it necessary?

K – Is it kind?

S – is it something you'd say to a friend?

Click here for a free THINKS printable to download!

Reframe your thoughts in a way that's encouraging and inspiring.

Embrace yourself wholly – "I made that mistake and I'm loveable and worthy of belonging." Accepting your good, bad, and ugly means you can accept others' good, bad, and ugly as well.

Reframe and reconcile after a mess-up. "Yes, I'm mad – AND I love you and think you're wonderful.

Empathize with your teen and encourage him – as long as it's something where they are in control of the outcome. Things under their umbrella of responsibility – not the outcome. Not "how do you get an "'A'" – it's "What are your study habits like? What are you capable of? What process can get you where you want to go?

Not "Did you do your best?" because how much of your work is your best? It's not sustainable. It sets kids up for shame and anxiety. Rather, use open-ended questions, like:

Did you show up?

How do you feel about it?

What was that like for you?

What results do you want and how can you get there?

How are you managing your priorities?

Expecting teens to have the same priorities as you can be shaming – offer empathy and hold them to your expectation.

Many minimize the impact of their thinking – because it affects the body. Over time, you're tearing your body down by the effects of destructive thinking.

Strive for self-compassion rather than condemnation.

What is your goal? Something you have no control over, will be stressful and energy-zapping. But, if your goal is something you control, then you'll have spent your energy well. (Example: Rather than people-pleasing for approval, let your motivation be to serve others with your gifts. Then, at the end of the day, you've done that whether or not the person you've served is happy or not.)

We want this for our teens, but, we have to have it first. We must find ourselves valuable enough to gift ourselves with a positive inner voice, and in that way, we'll be gifting our teens.

Referenced in this Episode

Tami Schow

Planting Seeds Counseling and Coaching http://plantingseedscc.com/

Kelly Flannigan's Loveable

Truth Bomb Mom

The Ish Girl's THINK Printable