IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

33. TOM LUCY | on Vulnerability in life & on stage, the 10,000-hour rule, & Kevin Hart’s party

IN THE UNKNOWN with ALYONKA

iTunes: click here ||

“When I started doing stand-up, there were loads of people who were naturally funnier than I was and better…they had that thing where they were naturally hilarious. but, they’ve gone nowhere, because they didn’t care about it enough and they weren’t working hard enough. I would rather be on stage than do anything else, genuinely.”

HERE's the known.Tom Lucy is the kind of guy one finds impossible to dislike. He’s kind, charming, FUNNY, engaging, and has two first names. He has a solid group of friends, a loving family, and has a good head on his shoulders. He’s career-oriented. A thinker. Driven. He’s 23. The first time we met, we began our conversation by examining our mutual, ten year separated, existential crises. Our second encounter was at a birthday dinner where I watched him concoct a last-minute birthday speech, which was perfectly (and comedically) executed. The third time we sat across one another and I badgered the poor guy for an hour on comedy and the inner-workings of his field, which led us to discuss the potential of sitting down to record the very podcast you’re about to hear. He said yes. I followed up…and, here we are.We spoke of all the things I like best: Vulnerability, Work Ethic, Family Dynamics, Relationship’s pitfalls and joys, and Wake Up calls. For 23, the dude has a lot to share without an ounce of judgement or righteousness. I’ll let you decide for yourself. Oh, and don’t bother calling him Tom. It’s Tom Lucy.

“The version of who you are on stage is a very two-dimensional character: this is 15% of my personality that I’m making you think is 100% of my entire personality. When you meet someone, there’s a bit of that “ohhh the reason you like me is because you saw that stage version of me, and when you realize that that’s not actually me, you’re not going to like me.so you feel like you have to be that version of yourself on stage the whole time [in real life].”

“WHAT I’M STARTING TO REALISE IS HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HAVE A REALLY STABLE PERSONAL LIFE, BECAUSE I THINK IT HAS A POSITIVE IMPACT ON YOUR PROFESSIONAL LIFE.”

“A LOT OF MY MALE FRIENDS, WE’RE ALL A LOT BETTER AT BEING HONEST WITH EACH OTHER. IF ANY OF MY MATES HAVE ISSUES THEY DO TALK ABOUT IT. I DO THINK THINGS ARE CHANGING. PARTICULARLY WHEN I LOOK AT MY DAD, WHO IS NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. HE’S A GREAT GUY, BUT HE’S NOT PARTICULARLY EMOTIONAL…BUT THAT’S BECAUSE OF HOW HE WAS RAISED. WHEN I LOOK AT HIS DAD, I KIND OF UNDERSTAND WHY HE’S NOT EMOTIONAL. WHENEVER MY DAD SEES HIS DAD, THEY DON’T HUG THEY JUST SHAKE HANDS AS IF THEY’RE MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME. I FEEL LIKE MASCULINITY IS CHANGING A LOT, ISN’T IT?”

“A lot of people assume that comedians are very confident people, but my experience is that a lot of them are actually very shy or insecure, or have some sort of need to get validation from people.”

INSTAGRAM 

@tomjameslucy

TWITTER

@tomlucy

FACEBOOK

@officialtomlucy

YOUTUBE

Tom Lucy

WEBSITEhttps://www.tomlucy.com/

 

TOM’S QUESTION:“How can you make today the best version of the day it could possibly be? It’s quite wordy. I’d cut that down, but yeah…I guess that’s all you can do. You can’t know what’s going to happen, so all you can do is work with what’s in front of you right now, and just make the best of that.”

EPISODE NOTES:

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32. IGOR LARIONOV II | On Accepting the Journey, Turning -'s into +'s & the Last Name

IN THE UNKNOWN with ALYONKA

iTunes: click here.

“It seems the destination is important but it’s more special when you accept the journey; and not just the highs, but the lows, too.”

HERE's the known.Igor is my brother. He is a professional athlete. An ice hockey player to be exact. He is 21 years old and currently finds himself in a stage of change and transition. Except, unlike most of us (myself included), Igor is prepared for the Unknown. In fact, he’s excited for it, seeing it as an opportunity to create something special. He is not a wallower, not a stagnant force of nature complacent in the cards he’s been dealt — difficult ones including injuries and setbacks which have made his climb to the top that more difficult. He knows he is, and forever will be, the “Son of Igor Larionov’, but he doesn’t let the negative talk around some of his perceived privileges get in the way of where he’s heading. What I didn’t know is that he is an eternal optimist, that he finds the silver-lining in situations unlikely to have a silver-lining at all. He is curious about the journey, not the destination. And he praises kindness above all. Am I biased? Yes. But, pleasantly surprised in the amount I learned from this young, brother of mine. He has much wisdom to share for a 21-year-old — lessons, stories, and takeaways applicable for athletes, parents of athletes and people in general striving for greatness.

“A lot of athletes [when they’re injured] they go into a state of depression, they don’t know what’s going on with their life, & they’re extremely upset. But when i’m injured I look at it as: alright, I might not be playing right now, but I can work on my shot, i can work on my hands, i can watch a ton of film. i can still improve my game.”

“Of course. That’s my name: Igor, the son of Igor Larionov. I don’t know any different. I’ve always lived with knowing he’s a legend. Or, if someone walks into the rink they’ll say ‘Oh wow, that’s Igor’s son’, Which means that I have to be twice as good as him. Of course there’s an expectation, but I put that expectation on myself.”

CONNECt:INSTAGRAM:

@igorlarionov_II

 TWITTER:

@igor_larionovII

 

“Quentin Tarantino once said that he steals from all the best filmmakers..I do the exact same thing. I watch all the best players and I try to steal something they do well & I put it into my game.”

IGOR’S question:who am i to tell you what to ask. alyonka, you should be asking what you want to ask.

EPISODE NOTES:

The Curling Episode: https://www.espn.com/video/clip/_/id/28759461

“It’s a cliche, but to be honest, everything in life is uncertainty, so you just have to live every day to your fullest.”

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31. SEASON 2 | Don't Call It A Comeback

IN THE UNKNOWN with ALYONKA

iTunes: click here ||

the only thing you need to know is that we’re back (kind of) from our time away, and that season two of ‘in the unknown’ is available for your listening pleasure.

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30. ELLEN RUTT | On Making Intuitive Art, Going into the Woods + Our Inner Critics

IN THE UNKNOWN with ALYONKA

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iTunes: click here || This podcast was recorded at the Detroit Foundation Hotel.

“If I find that being a full-time artist compromises the work that I need to make — I should just get a job. Like, a part-time job. And not that that’s easy, but if that allowed me the financial stability to make the stuff that no one will pay for in order to make it, then I would do that.”

HERE's the known.Let me start by saying: I love this being. She as an individual. She as an artist. She as a soul. She as a friend. Although, as you’ll hear in the pod, our meetings in-person can be counted on one hand. That’s because when we’re connected with our intuition, it’s that much easier to spot a fellow like-minded soul. She is a Detroit-based artist - arguably speaking, one of our most celebrated artists. Detroit wears her with pride. Walking the streets, one can catch her bright colored shapes placed on our most visible mural, livening up the walls of our burgeoning business sector in our WeWork’s, and waving proudly in flagship stores like Lululemon. She also, adorns the walls of local Detroiters, whose passion for the city isn’t complete without an Ellen Rutt piece. She’s also frickin cool — and approachable. She’s a friend of a friend of a friend and always willing to strike up a conversation, leaving the listener on the other side slightly changed from the encounter. Visibly, she is bright — like her art, and her smile smiles wider than yours. Simply put: you can’t miss her, and you shouldn’t.in this episode, Ellen bares all on her personal unknowns (see below), opening up on her battle with alcohol, the at times wildly loud inner-critic, and how she plans on bravely facing the road ahead in this next chapter of a nomadic lifestyle. Her trick? Listening. A tool she deeply developed whilst going into the woods. My personal favorite part? When she divulges on art-making. It is as lusciously sounding as love-making. There is an art form to the art-making. A trusting in one’s body, one movement after the next. A response, instead of a reaction. Mmmm.. it’s good to add to your toolbox, whether you’re looking to make art, make love, or to make the next best decision. Listen, take notes, and if you need further inspiration, find Ellen’s art. It will speak in the very same sing-songy whispers her voice speaks in.Ellen - you’re a frickin’ star. Thank you for this.

HERE are ELLEN’S UNKNOWNs.

1. I don’t know where my art career will be in five years or ten years. 
2. I don’t know where I’ll live. 
3. I don’t know how long I’ll continue to not drink alcohol. 
4. I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids or want kids. 
5. I honestly don’t know what comes next in my life. I’m about to embark on a semi-nomadic life a little bit and do some artist residencies because I grew up in and around detroit and I’m antsy. Will I be able to afford to do that? Do I get to do that?

“Sometimes I get caught up in not making a move because I’m concerned it won’t be the right one. Just keep going. Just make a move and respond to the move. Do what your body feels. Follow the line. Follow the color and just respond to each gesture one at a time. When the day is done. When the sun sets. You’re done. That reminded me to just: make a move, and then respond to it: that self trust that comes with art-making. Art-making is just about trusting yourself and your gesture, that what you put down is the right one and if it’s not, don’t do it again.”

CONNECt:INSTAGRAM: @ellenrutt WEBSITEhttp://www.ellenrutt.com/shop: http://www.ellenrutt.com/shop/

 

ellen’s question:What makes you really laugh? What makes your belly hurt with laughter? Or, when was the last time?

EPISODE NOTES:Assemble Sound

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Photography by: Herbert Taylor

29. ANDREW KIPPEN | On Hypnotherapy, the Subconscious, Social Constructs, + Energetic Beings

IN THE UNKNOWN with ALYONKA

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iTunes: click here.

““Our health, our actions, our character, our limitations — all of that is in the subconscious. A lot of the disease that we run into, have nothing to do with biological components and everything to do with what we’re thinking and what we’re telling ourselves, and the stress that we’re holding in our bodies that we refuse to let go of, or don’t know how to. Especially in a consumerist society, where we numb out and we avoid feeling our feelings by going to the movies and watching tv and eating food and shopping and drugs and alcohol. The backbone of our economy is built on our inability to feel what we’re feeling, and to escape that. It’s not to say that any one of those things is wrong but when the mechanism that you use to avoid hearing that voice that’s saying ‘I need a break’, then it becomes an issue. I feel like we as a culture and a society, if we really understood how much our thoughts and our beliefs shape our feelings, and shape our experience of life and our perception of ourselves and our limitations, then we would put a lot more emphasis on them.””

— Andrew Kippen

HERE's the known.Andrew Kippen came into my life at just the opportune moment in time. I was in the middle of my New York stint in the summer of 2018, trying to figure out why all things that were easy in the past suddenly felt like a mountain I was never going to climb. The keyword you should be paying attention to here is: trying. Trying, aka, going against the energy of the Universe, which as I’ve learned and continue to learn, never gets us anywhere. In fact, it only gets us further from our Truth. Andrew’s name came up during a conversation with an acquaintance to whom I revealed that I was internally struggling with the world in which I was living. There were doors being closed and body ailments which prevented me from doing the work, along with other difficulties, to which my acquaintance said: call Andrew. So I did and we scheduled my very first hypnotherapy session.I will confess. I am not one to fear experiences especially as they pertain to the opening of the mind, heart and soul. However, hypnotherapy was as foreign as it comes and I was a bit apprehensive upon my arrival. Perhaps, looking back, not so much on the process itself, but what it was I was about to learn. You might be asking: which is what? The TRUTH, people! The Truth which sits inside all of us and yet we do everything in our power to avoid. Here’s where Andrew comes in. His uncanny ability to create a tangible stillness, calm, and safety in the room. His attention to detail as he listens, actively to the words streaming out of the subconscious. His playfulness and kindness, as he delves into crevices shut tightly by defense mechanisms built over the years. He’s gentle prodding and nudging without an ounce of judgement, force, or over-bearing control. With his skills he guides and leads to the Truth. Upon unveiling, he doesn’t sit back with arms-crossed in self-approval, instead stills his voice into an almost silence so as to openly welcome a deeply seeded wound. He is talented but also educated and also willing to say that what he knows today could change tomorrow.It is because of him that I am now sitting here in Moscow, Russia writing these very words. It was his guidance which opened up a pandora’s box of wishes and desires that I had long kept shut in the over-protective world I had created for myself as a means of survival. He nudged me into the unknown in the way that I nudge many. For that I am eternally grateful.I suggest you grab a piece of paper and a pen as you listen to his words in this podcast episode of In The Unknown. He is guidance. Period. And every word is filled with meaning. If you happen to sense yourself curious in exploring the world of hypnotherapy — jump! I promise you it will not disappoint. So, without further ado, here is my conversation with Andrew Kippen.

HERE’s Andrew’s UNKNOWN(s).

1.  A lot of mystery in other dimensions and in other realms and skillsets that are outside the norm. For example, I host an event called Empathic that is a meeting of empaths and intuitive and highly sensitive people — they see things before they happen, they feel other peoples emotions in their bodies, they hear things that seem like premonitions, or are hearing just the right thing in the right time for our minds to say ‘ooh okay, I’m going to try that’. I think that’s a fascinating place that, we in the past maybe as kids had access to more of but society discourages us from using them, so we lose them. With the right training, practice and focus, anybody can develop these but there are some people that are very natural at them. So that’s a big source of the unknown for me: how do I hone those gifts? How do I explore them more?
2. The spiritual realm. In my own life I’m a seeker. I was a christian for a long time. I was a buddhist for the past few years and now I think about Buddhism as a mind-science more than a religion. It’s fascinating and it’s really really helpful and it’s an incredible tool. I’m seeing everything as an overlay on top of the same thing. So, whether you call it Christianity or spirituality or Islam or Judaism, whatever, it’s all us as human beings seeking to get back to a higher power and our spiritual selves. Some people would say searching for answers and trying to cope with the challenges of life. Everything that I’ve been processing - and this changes every couple of years and I don’t think I have the objective truth on this - but everything that I’ve been experiencing and researching lately is describing a world in which we are spirit and we are energetic beings having a physical experience, and not the other way around. Diving more deeply into that. So, if we’re energetic beings, how do we relate to one another? Are there energetic beings that aren’t having a physical experience that we can connect with through prayer, shamanic journeying and breath work and ayahuasca and all sorts of plant medicine.
3. The Unknown of how we create more balance between the masculine and the feminine in society, and looking at power structures in culture and education and media and politics and business, where the gender dynamics of 50 years ago are still in play and very much in tension with a progressive viewpoint that a younger generation is bringing into the world - gender fluidity and kind of moving away from this male-female, man-woman, to lots of different blends of those two. And the spectrum of that, but also of love and relationship, and how we create more space for that in society.

“I’m responsible for my thoughts and for my actions. I am responsible for being in integrity and being true to my word. I am responsible for saying yes when I can say yes, and for saying no when I need to say no. I’m responsible to show up in the different roles in my life, particularly as a husband, as a brother, as a son, and as a hypnotherapist, in ways where I’m true to myself and compassionate with others. And in the hypnotherapy realm — where I am setting myself aside to allow the Universe to work through me with the person who’s in front of me.”

Andrew’s question:how our thoughts and beliefs shape our entire lives and our perception of our life?

CONNECt

http://www.andrewkippen.com/hypnotherapy/instagram: @academiktwitter: @academik

 

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28. LAUREN HARKNESS | On Sexuality in Modern Times, Communicating Intimacy, + Controversy of #MeToo

IN THE UNKNOWN with ALYONKA

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iTunes: click here.

“You’re not wrong or broken and there’s no better time than whenever you start your sexual practices, to start. It could be at 89. It could be at 23. Every moment is perfect and the more you surrender to that - that every moment is perfect and exactly where I am is perfect - then the next thing can come.”

HERE's the known.I first encountered Lauren Harkness at a beautiful space in Brooklyn, New York while in attendance for a Conscious Sexuality Workshop produced by the Goddess Institute. On brand with my personal workshops - IN THE UNKNOWN - I had no idea what to expect. I arrived open and willing to listen and to learn. I have always been skeptical of sexuality in the form it takes in a female’s body because I had to learn about through personal trial and error, and without much education and/or guidance. Sex had always been a controversial topic in my world. It was not talked about in my childhood and it wasn’t fully explored or understood in my young adulthood. It is only of recent in the process of me reclaiming my life, my spirit and my body that I’ve begun to fully understand the complexity of female sexuality. Conscious Sexuality, that is, being aware (and conscious) of what it means to be a sexual female.In the two hour workshop, I found myself deeply engaged with the stories women shared — even I raised my hand to tell my story. —but what truly piqued my interest was Lauren and her ability to lead, guide, and teach an exceptionally difficult subject matter and human experience, in the most comprehendible, non-judgmental, and seamless way. Within minutes of opening her mouth the room became a safe space. There was a total and tangible connectivity amidst a group of total strangers. On top of this connection, Lauren was able to articulate and heal our collective insecurities and fears in the world of female sexuality by normalizing that which hadn’t felt “normal” before, and backing it up with her experience and education.I walked out of there with my mind swirling. How did I define conscious sexuality? What did it mean to me? What was the difference between seduction and sexuality? What is intimacy? What kind of partner do I want and what kind of partner do I want to be? Am I looking for monogamy or polyamory? And what if my mind changes? How do I step out of numbness to feeling? And how do I stand in my sexual power without it being stripped, abused, manipulated or taken away from me?These are all the questions that I pondered while I waited for the day that I could sit in conversation with Lauren. After all, this is done IN THE UNKNOWN, and so I was not able to research and formulate any predispositions. I wanted to be wholly and fully present in whatever it was that surfaced in our time together. Luckily for me, all of these questions came up and Lauren answered them so beautifully, gently, and full of wisdom.You’ll learn a lot about conscious sexuality, intimacy (both personal and interpersonal), sexual energy, communication in relationship, female empowerment, re-wiring our societal and primal desires and needs. We touch on the controversy and missed opportunities within the #metoo movement. And most importantly, we talk about the unknown’s within Lauren’s world which she ties neatly together to her own definition of what it means to be a conscious (sexual) female. This one’s a must-listen.

HERE are LAUREN’S UNKNOWNs.

1. I’m going through the ending of a partnership, a romantic relationship with my business partner. We have had a beautiful, tumultuous relationship over the last five years. I’m in the unknown of what’s next for us professionally and us together. We want to write a book together and we teach together but we’re both pretty certain that as a romantic partner, we love each other so much but we aren’t aligned in what we want for our future.
2. I’ve wanted to have a baby for probably about ten years and my personal karma is that I have attracted two long term partners who don’t want children. I’ve been seeing a fertility doctor to get all my hormones tested and to make sure that I can carry a child. The unknown is: am I going to have a child as a modern woman who doesn’t have a partner? Am I going to do IUI? Am I going to visit California Cryobank online?
3. Being a business owner you’re always in a state of the unknown. There’s always the next mountain peak to climb,

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photo by Mel Blanchard

“Right now my deepest desire is to be of the most service through my work in this world and my purpose which is conscious sexuality and healing. I think that I often still feel the judgment of others and so my desire is to have the courage to stand and to share without fear. To feel the strength of my own character in bringing this to a larger scope.”

CONNECt:INSTAGRAM: @sensualalchemistressFACEBOOK: @lauren.harkness.12 WEBSITESource Tantrahttps://www.radiantecstasy.com/

 

lauren’s question:If you could have anything you wanted with your sexual life what would that look like?

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27. DAN DOTY | On EQ, Finding Oneself + One’s Purpose, the Physics of Human Connection + EVRYMAN

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

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“My deepest desire is to be so fully alive that all things happen at once. If i ever got a tattoo i would get those three words on my three fingers: ALL AT ONCE. i would like to experience the totality of all that exists in one single moment.”

Photo from EVERYMN.co

HERE's the known.This connection is another one of those timing is everything and patience is a virtue. I first heard of Dan Doty indirectly via (once again) Jesse Israel, when mentioning a men’s retreat he’d attended called EVRYMAN. At first, I was connected to it’s co-founder, Sascha Lewis, with whom I met in person last fall. I made a note in my notebook that I’d like to continue this conversation with a potential collaboration in mind. Almost a year later, I attended a MediClub in Brooklyn. There I was grouped with four strangers to discuss a prompted topic. I exchanged contacts with one of the men after the event. We met for coffee. He mentioned EVRYMAN and suggested I connect with the Founder. An email was sent and a week later I was on a call with Dan Doty. We had things in common. Dan used to work as a producer, as had I. He had a love for Montana, as did I from my work there with VICE. But mostly we connected on the human condition and the need for the type of connection and conversation that he was providing for men. He expanded on EVRYMAN and what the retreat entails. He spoke of the men he was meeting. He made mention that he was looking to work with women as well. I knew then that this was my people. That was conversation #1. After a few weeks processing our conversation, I sent a follow up email asking Dan if he’d be interested in a podcast conversation. He immediately said yes. We set up a time and here’s the result of this timeline of events. The truth of the matter is this (as it always is): timing is everything. When Jesse first mentioned EVRYMAN, I had just started my IN THE UNKNOWN Workshops. I was not yet ready to properly comprehend and process the context of this podcast because I hadn’t yet done the work with others. Now, with nearly 60 Workshops under my belt, I had the experience and the hours to pull from my personal experiences in workshop, and to use my own personal journey as an example to relate. The patience it takes to get to this place is immense, however, when we exercise it and trust the process of time, we do not miss the connection when it arises, even if it comes months later. What I know is that Dan is a Warrior, someone on a journey to create space for all to reconnect with self and others. His approach is a bit different than mine and this could be due to his stronger foundation of self-confidence. That said, he too fears common Unknowns to mine, and articulates them most vulnerably with an immense strength, kindness and compassion.This is a listen for EVRYMAN looking to change their life. For every woman looking to better understand her man. And for anyone looking for self-betterment and a new way to live their life. I suggest STRONGLY that if you like what you hear you share: men, attend this retreat // women, suggest it to your men. This is a win for all.Thank you Dan for your heart + your mind. Friend (you know who you are) for the connect. And J for the planting of the seed.Enjoy

HERE’s DAN’S UNKNOWN(s).

1. In four weeks, my wife is due with our second boy. It’s like a Known, right? we know that is happening but all of the details of it, of what it means to be a dad for more than one child, of who the hell this kids being is that’s coming into our family. That’s a big Unknown.
2. Where this professional experience is headed and how EVRYMN is going to grow, if it’s going to grow, when it’s going to grow, what that means in terms of security and stability for myself and my family -- that’s a big Unknown. There’s affirmation everywhere, always and constant. The need [for communities like EVRYMAN] is so pressing and clear and massive. But in an honest sense, turning something into a sustainable business model that works is scary and there is a lot of unknown. EVRYMAN is my first true experience as an entrepreneur and a business owner, and it’s fucking scary. It’s super scary. I had a job before and obviously that’s not capital ‘S’ secure all the time either, but on a base sort of survival for myself and my family, it is super scary.

photo from EVRYMN.co

“I think the direct and the fast way to surrendering to who you are is to show up and to sit across from other people; men, women, old, young, rich, poor, black, white..all the things.in the process that we use at EVRYMAN, the thing that i believe in more than anything is three simple steps: 1) you slow the hell down .. i mean really slow down, when you’re with people you slow down 2) you begin to feel what’s true for you in your body and you be very specific, starting with the somatic, like what is your body telling you and [accessing] the emotional, these very simple questions of ‘what do you feel’ + ‘what do you want’ 3) then you take the risk to share that with somebody else that to me is like the physics of human connection - it’s how humans are able to feel, resonate, be seen and be heard.”

CONNECt:IG @_evryman_IG @danieldotyFB @evryman.coFB @dandotymentorTWITTER @danieldoty WEBSITE:http://evryman.co/http://www.dan-doty.com/

 

dan’s question:You should be asking what you’re afraid to ask.

EPISODE NOTES:

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26. SHAUNDA BROWN | On Conscious Sexuality, Spiritual Partners + Goddess Institute

IN THE UNKNOWN with ALYONKA

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iTunes: click here.

“Responsibility is such a big word as far as ownership of what I have taken on for myself. I’ve realized that I have taken on so much more responsibility in the world than I want to, nor need to, yet I still choose that. I’ve put a lot of responsibility on myself because I’ve been given so much opportunity to create change in the world and i’ve been given these gifts. Once we realize these gifts, it is our responsibility to share it with the world. So it is my responsibility to share with the world possibilities for living our best lives and to help create a sisterhood through Goddess Institute.”

HERE's the known.I was introduced to Shaunda Brown via email by Jesse Israel. He suggested we meet, record a podcast, or at the very least attend each other’s workshops. Somewhere within the message, there was probably a hidden (intentional) current for friendship but it did not need to be said. It just happened. After a few email exchanges, I attended Shaunda’s first Goddess Institute event on Conscious Sexuality. Goddess is her baby. It’s the thing she’s been manifesting, growing and birthing. I walked into a transformed space in Brooklyn, NY and took my seat on a fuzzy pillow smack dab in the middle. There was a microphone. A speaker (future pod guest - Lauren Harkness) and room full of ready-to-learn women. Shaunda spoke first. A few things immediately resonated. Work and the need to be busy, to do, and to prove one’s worth in a male-dominated industry. Injury and the overriding of one’s bodies message. “Don’t do this,” spoke Shaunda as she prepared herself to do a snowboarding trick she wasn’t equipped to do. Shortly after that, she separated her shoulder but pushed through - because that’s what we do - and ended up having more damage done than the original injury. Slooow down it screamed. It being the Universe, God, Spirit, and Body. Lastly, I was mesmerized by Shaunda’s ability to create a “safe” space for women to access their vulnerability, their wounds, their fears, and more importantly, their desires by using conscious sexuality as a healing mechanism. This language and her ability to weave the message into those around her is innately her gift. She cultivates the very meaning of “speak your truth” on a subject that so many still find taboo. If you don’t know who she is or have yet to hear of Goddess Institute — don’t worry…we’ll all know about it very soon. She is leading the charge to change the way we view sexuality in the mainstream and in modern times. It’s not a specific message that one needs to follow. It’s only specific to you. But to access that message, one must be willing to Show Up and to do the work of finding one’s Truth. It is the willingness that she is waiting on - not wasting time for the times to change as she is actively already in motion. When I sat down with her prior to this pod interview, I had asked her about her future goals and what she hopes for Goddess Institute. It was her desire to make it accessible for both men and women that truly solidified that this was "my person”. She, like me, is inclusive and about the people. She, like me, isn’t using foreign concepts or language to change people’s minds. She, like me, is creating safe spaces for people to collectively move through things, getting them to the other side of wherever that may be for each individual. She, like me, is opening hearts and minds without force or a specific destination.Soul Sister — that’s as much as I knew coming into this conversation. The rest? The new partner-in-awesome relationship, her stories about Mom and Dad, her lessons-learned, her knowledge on conscious sexuality, her desires for her personal journey, and the details on Goddess Institute…well, that all showed up because we decided to Show Up for one another in conversation. Enjoy. xx

HERE’s Shaunda’s UNKNOWN(s).

1. I’m constantly learning every moment to trust myself more and to be in the state of flow. I’ve said that my life - since I’ve been very attentive and aware of how much the universe works for us - of just trusting that flow. I call it en Fuego where it just catches on fire. This happens and then it opens another door that had never had even been something that I could conceptualize in my tiny human mind. Trusting the unknown to unfold.
2. This whole path with Goddess Institute.  Had you asked me a year ago if this is where I would be in my life. That would have never been a spec of what the possibility was. There are so many unknowns with what magic can be created with goddess institute that I am so excited and passionate to understand more of. 
3. Personally, just starting this new relationship with my partner in awesome. It was so unknown to me previously about how that aspect would work in my life, and it was one of my big goals when I was mentalizing things to call in…that life partner, or whatever we want to call it. I’ve never known something so much as I know this aspect of just totally trusting. I have no idea how it’s going to look in that iteration. So that’s a big unknown for me because it’s so new. Just totally surrendering in this way is completely beautiful and having trust in whatever outcome that would be. 

“When I let go, I have a goal to get goosebumps at least once a day and I recognize that when I am in this place of awe, of just this child-like wonder where my entire body reacts, I get Truth bumps. I get that when I’m completely present in whatever it is I’m doing. Whether that be sex, food, a beautiful vista of nature — nature is a big way to do that — music is an entirely other experience of getting lost in the sound and the dance and moving my body. Having that experience of just that moment allows me to do that.”

CONNECt:INSTAGRAM: @shaundeezy_diesel

 goddessINSTAGRAM: @goddess.instituteWEBSITE: https://www.goddessinstitute.co/

 

shaunda’s question:When I think about what it really comes down to in life…it’s just love. As stereotypical as that sounds it’s like: what is the greatest source of love and what is it that you love most and what generates the most love in our lives?

EPISODE NOTES:Goddess Institute Retreat || October 5-7, 2019 : book your tickets here.

SHARE. SHARE. SHARE. IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR, PLEASE SHARE THIS CONVERSATION WITH THOSE WHO WOULD APPRECIATE AND BENEFIT FROM IT.HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR THE WAY YOU LISTEN TO YOUR PODCASTS?WE GOT YOU.iTunes: click here.Available on GooglePlay, Stitcher + Soundcloud

25. PAULA MALLIS | On Self-Love, Women as Birthers, Pregnancy Truths, Feminism + WMN SPACE

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

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iTunes: click here.

"As women, we all have a womb and if we use it to birth a human, beautiful. And if we don’t, beautiful. We're birthing all the time. We birth projects and books and relationships and new versions of ourselves. I mean, it's what we do, we're birthers.”

HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.

Like a true Woman, Mother and Birther, in a strange way, Paula birthed + mothered me into the Woman that I am today, She provided just enough wisdom, trust and a push forward (without helicoptering, micro-managing or reeling me back in for a check-in) to set the stage for my personal and professional rebirth. First came this powerful podcast conversation. Then came my experience of her New Moon Circle at WMN SPACE in Los Angeles. Both left impactful changes in my ways of thinking, moving and BEing. What she does well — perhaps better than most — is seed and then watch the world (or person) grow. If we’re to use labels, Paula is a Mother, a Wife, a Doula, a Spiritual Counselor, a Facilitator of Women Circles and the Founder of WMN SPACE. More than that and labels aside she is a perpetual seeker, learner, observer, gatherer, and teacher moving through this world so gracefully that even the most clumsy passerby eases into a more ethereal way of movement once in her presence. When I met Paula in person, I waited until the Women’s Circle she was hosting had completed. I wanted to see her for her and I wanted her to see me for me, and not as a guest of Paula Mallis because I had recorded a podcast with her. That was, in hindsight, my own personal insecurity. A full year later, I can see that the definition of “hashtag goals” is the unperturbed spirit and aura that is Paula Mallis. She doesn’t see labels, or conditions, or flesh…she sees Souls. When speaking to her Paula’s eyes locked with mine. She peered within me, seeing through me, into me. She has the ability to disarm whomever’s in front of her immediately providing a sense of a safe space through her kindness and unconditional love. She is one of a kind. A treasure.In this conversation you’ll hear Paula speak bravely and openly on a myriad of topics stemming from feminism, to women as birthers, to acting as a Doula, to her intentions with WMN SPACE, to self-love and self-care, to sex and pregnancy education, to miscarriage and difficult pregnancies, to men meeting us half way, and filling up our own cup. It’s an episode that needs to be listened to over, and over, and over again. It’s an education for ALL women. I, for one, will have this on once a month from here on out as a reminder for the Woman that I know I can. That is the Power of Paula — she empowers every single Being.

SHARE. SHARE. SHARE. IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR, PLEASE SHARE THIS CONVERSATION WITH THOSE WHO WOULD APPRECIATE AND BENEFIT FROM IT.

photo by Mel Blanchard

“Support is vital. It should not be a luxury. We have to be willing as women to open our mouths and ask for it. We have to ask for it and we have to be willing to receive it because as women —we’re such givers — we give and give and give. That’s like our sweet spot and sometimes it can be really challenging to receive. I believe we we have to be in the flow of both.”

CONNECt:INSTAGRAM: @paulamallishttp://paulamallis.com/ WMN SPACEhttp://wmnspace.com/WMN SPACE InstagramWMN SPACE Facebook

 

“A conscious female is not a feminist because the feminist is an old paradigm and it's a reaction to the patriarchal movement. It's a reaction to men. It's a reaction to being held down. It's a reaction to being raped. It's a reaction to being objectified…it's just a reaction.“

EPISODE NOTES:Shakti Leadership: Embracing Feminine and Masculine Power in Business || Recommended Reading

 

HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR THE WAY YOU LISTEN TO YOUR PODCASTS?WE GOT YOU.iTunes: click here.Available on GooglePlay, Stitcher + Soundcloud

A | On Staying in the Discomfort, Trusting the Process + In The Unknown | #1

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

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Many of you send me dm's, emails + texts asking in depth questions about IN THE UNKNOWN and most of the things that I write about on my blog and instagram. I am always happy to answer, however, sometimes it becomes overwhelming because I simply do not have enough time to get to everyone. So, what I've decided to do is to add to my pod a series called 'A' where I do just that: answer your questions.

For the first episode I fill you in on why I've changed the name of my business into IN THE UNKNOWN, I give you an insider's look into what happens IN THE UNKNOWN and why people continuously choose to show up for both the Workshops and the 1o1's. I also talk a lot about why it's important for us to choose to be IN THE UNKNOWN, what's to be gained in STAYING IN THE DISCOMFORT, and why we should TRUST THE PROCESS. At the end of this episode (and future ones) I'll always leave you with a small tidbit and/or pick me up. Take a listen. Share. And let me know what you think!