IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

14. JOHN KIM aka The Angry Therapist | Licensed Therapist, Life Coach, Author + Co-Founder of Shft

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

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How to describe The Angry Therapist? If you're wondering...he's not angry. At least not anymore. When he started his tumblr blog, it was a time in his life where post-divorce left him grappling with all the things he no longer knew, understood, or could control. Who am I as a man? And what am I feeling? Instead of stuffing it down. He began blogging. He called it, My Fucking Feelings.

“I think the happy therapist is less interesting because there’s something false about that, you know?”

So who is he? Is he a real therapist? He's angry and he swears and he rides motorcycles! But also loves poetry. And he believes dating is dead?

“Dating is dead. Dating is difficult. No one likes dating. It’s a bad experience and I think it’s because of swipe culture.”

Okay. So, he speaks his mind. His Truth. Seemingly, John Kim has an opinion for and on everything. After all, as a licensed therapist and a life coach, he's seen it all. I came across Angry because of his article on Dating. And yeah, that it's dead. That's when I reached out (and wrote my own annotated version of his ideas) to see if we could speak about this on the pod. There are many ways we could have taken this conversation but in light of the major concerns and worries I keep hearing from the men and women I encounter, Dating seems like a hot topic. 

Why do we find ourselves in a world with so many great single people, looking for meaningful relationships, and yet, they are unable to meet "the one"?

“Today dating is so casual. They’re just meetings. Uber there. We’re not going to do dinner but we’ll do a drink because if you’re not who I think you are or you don’t look the way I think you’re going to look or the way you presented yourself, I don’t want to spend an hour with you. So it’s a quick meeting. It’s a coffee.You’re going to enter probably more disappointed than pleasantly surprised.”

So, in some shape or form, it's US. The classic, it's not you, it's me. But what do we do with that? How do we change? Or do we? Do we need to go deeper? What is the solution, Angry?

“Now we have a lot of people who are afraid. Who have been hurt (via rejection) and who are not showing themselves but want love and want to be in a relationship.So we just have people bouncing off of each other instead of really connecting. "

Looks like we have to do the WORK. Going within. Redefining the social norms, external and internal expectations, and really identifying our non-negotiable(s). How? John Kim answers this and much more in this incredibly important conversation on a subject too many of us are getting wrong, and suffering from it. There's no shame in desiring a meaningful relationship. In fact, it's encouraged. You've just got to make some choices.

“I think it’s time for all men to redefine what masculinity and a real men look like, and it’s time for all women to set a new standard.”

I'm ready. Are you?

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"Trust Your Story. Everyone wants to rip out chapters. And everyone wants to deny their truths. They’re embarrassed or they have shame around who they were or what they’ve been through or what they’ve done. If you trust and embrace your story, you get to a tipping point where your story becomes bigger than you."

CONNECTTWITTER: @angrytherapistINSTAGRAM: @theangrytherapistFACEBOOK: @theangrytherapistMEDIUM: @angrytherapist WATCHYouTube LISTENThe Angry Therapist Podcast

EPISODE NOTES:

Dating Is Dead Article

Buy John's Book

The Angry Therapist Gear

SHFT, Life Coach Training

www.theangrytherapist.com

 

 

p.s. we mentioned this book in the podcast.

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13. ANDI PETRILLO | Sports Host + Broadcaster

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

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If you live in Canada, chances ARE you've heard of Andi Petrillo. 

To save you a full bio, she's worked as a host and a reporter for Leafs TV covering the Toronto Maple Leafs and Toronto Marlies, after which she moved to a coveted position over at CBC to host the iDesk portion of Hockey Night in Canada, becoming the first female to serve on a full-time basis with the HNIC studio team. She's anchored CBC's coverage of the 2014 Winter Olympics and the 2014 FIFA World Cup, and will continue to act as one of their hosts for the 2018 Winter Olympics.. She's worked for the NHL Network, and most recently, Andi became the new radio voice for Leafs Lunch on TSN 1050, becoming the first-ever woman in Canada to have her own daily sports talk radio show.

Suffice it to say, Andi is a leader. She's paved the way for many women in sports broadcasting continuously breaking the glass ceiling and taking it one step further by making it a point to help others along the way.

“I have a saying: would you rather be a lone token or would you rather be part of a treasure chest full of gold. And I always remind myself of that because to be surrounded by strong and powerful women I think is such a beautiful thing.”

I first heard of Andi when I auditioned for a gig with CBC. Andi got the job. I didn't. In full transparency, I was majorly upset and started questioning myself: 'what did she have that I didn't'. I've monitored her career from afar, watching her gradual rise. It all seemed easy. Andi took one step in front of the other. No hiccups. No hesitations. Why wasn't it as smooth for me, I thought. 

This year, when I published my essay on my Anorexia Nervosa, Andi was one of the first to retweet in support. I was shocked. She knows me? Likes me? Supports me? I immediately reached out and asked if she'd come on as a guest of my podcast. Within minutes she agreed.

I wasn't sure what to expect at the start of our conversation but Andi could NOT be more kind, humble, and Confident. She's a fighter. A gentle warrior. She stands up for herself and for others. THAT is rare in our industry where you'd sooner find a woman compete with another woman rather than support.

Andi SHARES. She speaks her truth. She goes in deep telling stories from her uphill battle. We speak about fraternizing with players.

“People that I thought were my friends I find out that there was a bet going on that I would be caught sleeping with a player by all-star break. I remember going home that night and just balling my eyes out.”

Why she's full Woman and not one of the boys.

“If I love sports then it’s said ‘she’s one of the guys’. Well no I’m not. I’m a woman. I’m not one of the guys.”

The many pep talks she's received from bosses on behavior and appearance.

“I did a feature with this one athlete in particular and someone who was overseeing it said ‘great job. We need to do more of these. That’s fantastic’. And then he looked at me and was like, have you ever thought about doing a feature with a player in a hot tub? And I froze. And I waited for the punchline and it didn’t happen.”

Why she believes wholeheartedly in the importance of supporting other women in the industry, making it a point to mentor the new generation.

“As a woman working in sports you see yourself as a token - you’ve made it, you’ve been accepted - and sometimes you covet that spot and when another woman comes on board, instead of helping her, you want to push her away because she’s going to take a spot.”

There's a lot here. And it's all good. Andi is tweetable. Relatable. Quotable. I released a heavy sigh of relief after speaking with her and thought, hmph...we're not that very different after all...in fact, we're much of the same. I want to support her. I want to be on her side. On her team. That's the power of Andi. She's a team player. And that's why she wins and will keep on winning.

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“If there’s one culture that I think is the scariest culture that we could ever create: it’s the culture of silence.”

CONNECTTWITTER: @AndiPetrilloINSTAGRAM: @AndiPetrillo33  LISTENLeafs Lunch with Andi Petrillo

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Andi's TOOL KITHave mantras: I love mantras. Whether I've created them or I've taken them from other sources, I find they help me get through certain situations in my life. They're a great motivator. The one I repeat to myself now is: "Don't stop when you're tired, stop when you're done."Trust the Process: That's another mantra I like to use, but it's one that will always be relevant. We don't always know why certain things are happening to us at any given moment, but we have to trust that we're exactly where we need to be. Here's another one for you: "What if I fall?" Oh, but my darling, what if you fly? Erin HansonIt's Always Spa Day: Don't wait for an occasion or for someone else to make you feel special; create your own peaceful space. Even when I'm eating at home alone, I'll light candles. I'll buy beautiful flowers for the house. I spray lavender on my pillow before bed. Treat yourself like the special spa guest you are. Give back: what's the point of traversing this crazy place called life, if you don't take the time to teach other's what you've learned? That's what makes a mentor, a leader, and a friend.  Lending a helpful hand is the greatest way to leave a loving impression and be remembered. 

12. ALICIA MALONE | Film Reporter, Host, Writer + Self-Confessed Movie Geek

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

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Alicia Malone is an Australian-born, Film Reporter, Host, Writer and Self-Confessed Movie Geek. She, like me, used movies as a portal to step out of the realities of the world. She, like me, does not understand when someone utters the words, "i don't really watch movies".

"For me film really was an escape. so whatever was happening in my life, whether it was a dark time, whether it was a happy time, i thought that i could always trust in film to be able to take me to another world."

I began following Alicia many years back. Curious to learn as much as I could about my favorite films, the majority of clips I'd find on YouTube provided 'fluff' stuff where one could see the host interview celebrities and ask them questions about pretty much everything but the film. Then I found Alicia. I could tell that she yearned to ask more. Over time, she did, adhering only minimally to the confinements of a press junket. Watching her you could tell that not only did she have a wealth of knowledge when it comes to film, but that the actors/producers/directors respected her and her genuine curiosity. She's since become a host on FilmStruck, a cinephile subscription streaming service run by the Criterion Collection and Turner Classic Movies, and is the creator and host of the weekly show, Indie Movie Guide on Fandango.

Although I was dying to speak with her about some of our favorite films - we did briefly go into our love for Amelie - the reason I wanted to speak with Alicia is because of Tedx Talk on Women in Film, and her recently published first book, 'Backwards and in Heels'.  

"I've had feedback from both male and female producers: you're not supposed to be a well-rounded human being. You're supposed to be surface level and exist just for someone to look at you and be eye candy."

This conversation was recorded prior to the Harvey Weinstein blow-out, but listening back I cringe even more knowing that male AND female producers speak to their hosts (and others) in the way that they do.

"I remember one producer took me aside and after I did a big live broadcast -and this was a male producer - and he said, yeah you're really good and you have a lot of talent, if you just lost 10 kilos then you'd be really successful. I've had female producers tell me the exact same thing."

The only way things will change is if we have a conversation which is why this podcast episode is SO important. We cover much ground; women in the industry, social media addiction, seeking validation from outside sources, father-daughter relationships, low self-esteem, heartbreak, putting "on" a happy face, building relationships with people in the film industry (the how to's and how not's), and why she feels that she's still the girl with her childhood film club just on a bigger scale.

It's Alicia at her most vulnerable and honest and I know her fans wouldn't have it any other way.

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"As a woman online you're always too much of something. You're too loud or you're too quiet. You're too shy. You're too arrogant. You're too knowledgeable. You're not knowledgeable enough. You're too pretty. You're too ugly. And it's often all at the same time."
 

 CONNECTTWITTER: @aliciamaloneINSTAGRAM: @aliciamaloneFACEBOOK: @MoviesAreMyJam  www.aliciamalone.com WATCHon YouTube

HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR THE WAY YOU LISTEN TO YOUR PODCASTS?WE GOT YOU.iTunes: click here.Available on GooglePlay, Stitcher + Soundcloud

EPISODE NOTES:

Alicia's Ted Talk

Alicia's Book, 'Backwards and In Heels'

11. PAUL RABIL | Professional Lacrosse Player, Entrepreneur + Investor

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

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HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.

via @paulrabil

Paul Rabil is The world's most recognized lacrosse player, Paul plays for the New York Lizards and Team USA. He's won championships at all levels of competition, including League MVPs, a World MVP, and MLL Championship MVP. That's what it says on his website.

I first heard of Paul when an episode of his Podcast, Suiting Up, popped up in my feed. His guest? Venus Williams. I was intrigued considering that neither Venus nor Serena do long-form interviews, especially none which asked either sister to speak about their life and interests outside of tennis. I then listened to his podcast with Jeremy Lin. Then, Drew Brees. I - contrary to popular belief - am not a sports fan. But this, this was different. 

I've long been a proponent of athletes telling their stories. The Players' Trib was one of the first formats which provided them a space to do so. However, I hadn't heard of anyone doing long form interviews which were in-depth, at times intimate and sans a franchise's control. This is how I felt about Suiting Up.

I went on instagram to see what he was all about. Lacrosse player. Hmm. Most definitely a sport not in my periphery. Most recognized? Even more peculiar. I wanted to know more. I reached out via a mutual friend to see if Paul would be interested in having a conversation about the many topics he discusses on his podcast. Like personal realization and growth. Like empathy. Like vulnerability. Like questioning the definition of masculinity. Like the human condition. All things which are part of my vernacular. He agreed.

This conversation was recorded in July 2017. It's since been 5 months and much has changed. As it pertains to my story, at the time of our recording, I was fresh into my Recovery from an Eating Disorder and was not at the level of confidence in my Being as I find myself currently. However, since I am not in the space to judge and am practicing kindness towards myself, it was the best that I could do at the time. Yes, this is my inner-critic coming forward ie; I am judging myself. But this is not about me. It's about Paul and on his behalf, this conversation is an interesting glimpse inside the mind of a person who would typically fall into the category of "manly" man.

For Paul fans, it's a different side to the animated and exuberant personality you've all come to know. For those of you who do not know Paul, this conversation is filled with insights on masculinity and it's overstimulation in sports, film and music, the importance of therapy, self-realization and intellectual curiosity, giving back, as well as Paul's insecurities and much more. It's a good one.

Thank you Paul for sharing your Story, Truth + Flaws.

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"Ultimately, in sports, in film, in music, you have this overstimulation of masculinity. And it's basically setting the stage for younger males to have this image of being the toughest guy in the room, not backing down from a fight, not losing, winning at all costs, outworking your competition (being the hardest worker in the room). All that kind of stuff. Socially it's had a detrimental impact as well in the form of locker room talk and how condescending it can be, how objectifying it can be, how racially charged, sexually charged, and when constantly in an abundance, it inevitably will weave it's way into the fabric of a young male's development in those particular areas of his life."

CONNECTTWITTER: @paulrabilINSTAGRAM: @paulrabilFACEBOOK: @paulrabilhttps://paulrabil.com/ WATCHon YouTube

 

LISTENSuiting Up Pod

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episode notes:

• Paul's HuffPo Article: Silence Is Unacceptable: Cyber Bullying And Discrimination Against LGBTQ In Sports

• Paul's Recommended Reading: Taming the Mammoth- Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think

• Rabil Tour

10. FRANCIS MAXWELL | Host, Actor, Writer + Social Activist

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

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HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.

Courtesy Francis Maxwell IG

Francis Maxwell is a Scottish-born host, actor, writer, and social activist currently residing in the mecca of the entertainment industry, Los Angeles. I first met Francis when he came into the VICE offices to meet with our Sports team. He was (and still is) working as a host for The Young Turks Network and before our meeting commenced, Francis and I got to talking. After years in broadcasting and hosting, I'm well aware of the "on" button personalities in the industry carry, so I was pleased to see that he could enter a room and a conversation, without touching that switch.

My takeaway was this guy can speak on more than just sports. He had an opinion on everything. Sure, there may have been things we didn't agree on but he never talked AT me, as many talking heads do. He listened, then calmly said his on personal take. That is why he's gone on to talk about more than just sports, jumping into the political realm absolutely effortlessly. 

“I WAS A SOCIOLOGY MAJOR IN COLLEGE. I WAS A FOREIGNER. I PLAYED FOOTBALL. I ENJOYED TALKING TO AMERICAN GIRLS. I WAS REALLY CAUGHT UP IN THAT WORLD UNTIL ABOUT MY SENIOR YEAR WHERE I REALLY WAS CONSUMED BY A SOCIOLOGY PROJECT THAT I HAD TO DO THAT LOOKED AT RACE.  I STARTED IN MY OWN TIME TO READ THE LIKES OF JAMES BALDWIN and REALLY START TO FIGURE OUT, WHAT MADE THIS COUNTRY THE WAY IT IS. WHY IS IT SO DIFFERENT IN CERTAIN TERMS. WHY IS RACISM STILL A PROMINENT THING?”

We first saw him intersect sports with politics when NFL player, Colin Kaepernick took a knee during the National Anthem. Of course, this is now a LARGE news story, but at the time, few spoke about the event as passionately and as long as Francis did.

“IT REALLY WAS A COLIN KAEPERNICK TAKING A STANCE AGAINST WHAT HE FELT WAS RACIAL INJUSTICE. IT REALLY INSPIRED ME IN A WAY TO THINK OKAY WHY ARE PEOPLE SO UPSET AT THIS and WHY DO I THINK THAT IT’S SUCH AN INSPIRATIONAL THING TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT IN A COUNTRY THAT LOVES PATRIOTISM MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. And WHY HE GOT SUCH BACKLASH. THAT MOMENT IN A WAY, STARTED TO REALLY ENCOURAGE ME TO START MAYBE TO SPEAK OUT A LITTLE MORE ON THINGS I FELT.”

He then started speaking out on the harsh realities of the African American communities and racism in this country as a whole. He, of course, is not a Trump fan (as we can see from the picture above) but again, he doesn't talk AT you. He states his opinion and allows viewers to choose their own personal stance, even if it comes with backlash.

"I DEFINITELY DO FACE A LOT OF BACKLASH. I GET A LOT OF MESSAGES OF SUPPORT FROM PEOPLE SPECIFICALLY IN THE AFRICAN AMERICAN COMMUNITY, THEY FEEL LIKE IT’S GOOD TO SEE SOMEONE WHO’S WHITE and SPEAK OUT AGAINST INJUSTICE and REALLY LISTEN TO THE PROBLEMS THAT ARE FACING THEM IN THAT COMMUNITY. BUT IT’S OFTEN USED AS A TERM OF INSULT TO ME, THAT I, I WOULD RATHER LIKE HATE ON MY OWN RACE IN A WAY...IT’S A WEIRD CONVOLUTED DISCUSSION AND I’M HAPPY I CAN EXPRESS IT HERE."

There are many layers to this conversation and to Francis as well. As someone who's listening on the other end as people tell their stories, I believe that he is in a pivotal moment in his life. Stepping into the entertainment industry caused a certain type of change in the way he views validation. 

“I WAS MEASURING MYSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE A LOT OF THE TIME. IF SOMEONE ELSE IN A SIMILAR FIELD OR SOMEONE I KNEW WAS DOING WELL, and THEY WERE GETTING MORE LIKES THAN I WAS, or THEIR VIDEOS WERE GETTING BETTER VIEWS, and THEY WERE GETTING CONGRATULATED MORE. THEN I ALMOST FELT LIKE IN ORDER TO VALIDATE MYSELF and TO MAKE MY LIGHT SHINE BRIGHTER, I HAD TO TAKE FROM THEIRS, and BE LIKE. THAT IS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT I’VE GOT TO ACHIEVE. I WAS VALIDATING MY PROGRESS FROM OTHER PEOPLE’S WORK.”

Humility also came into his life spending six days in Uganda filming a story for YouTube.

I USED TO BE ONE OF THE ONES WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE COMING BACK, ‘oh like you’re changed because you went to Africa for five minutes?’ LIKE, YEAH. I WAS CHANGED WHEN I WENT TO AFRICA FOR SIX DAYS. I CAME BACK WITH MORE OF A BROADER UNDERSTANDING AS TO WHAT I SHOULD START LOOK AT WHEN I FACE PROBLEMS IN MY LIFE.”

It's rare to find people in the industry are willing to do the work and are willing to reach a place of humility, self-awareness and personal growth. It's so easy to search for that validation, as Francis mentioned, through social media currency and constant comparison with one's peers. So this conversation is particularly inspiring as it's been wonderful watching his personal evolution from afar. It will be felt when you listen.

And speaking of:

“LISTENING IS DEFINITELY THE MOST POWERFUL TOOL THAT YOU HAVE.YOU MAY THINK THAT BEAUTY IS MAYBE THE THING, or BLONDE HAIR, or BLUE EYES, or LEGS, ABS, ANYTHING, CAN GET YOU TO THE POINT IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WANNA GET TO. I THINK THAT IT’S LISTENING and I THINK THAT IT’S LISTENING TO WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO DO and IT’S LISTENING TO OTHERS.”

 

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Courtesy of Francis Maxwell IG

I DON'T LIKE CHEATERS BUT HERE'S A QUICK CHEAT-SHEET FOR YOU. YOUR SUGGESTED TAKEAWAYS + LESSONS:

• Understanding the Art of Listening
• Moving to Los Angeles from Scotland and the personal and societal transitions encountered
• The lessons-learned by playing soccer / setting the record for most red-cards received
• Using sport as a point of entry into the entertainment industry
• Why he suppressed his inner desires to cover politics 
• Majoring in Sociology in College and his introduction to Race in America and James Baldwin
• How Colin Kaepernick inspired Francis to blend sports + politics in his work
• What it means to live in a post-truth / fake news world
• Why speaking your truth often comes with a lot of backlash
• Why Francis' support for African American communities and racial issues brings about insults on his social media
• Why he feels more like an American now (although he still has love for Scotland)
• Why it's important to understand your country's history
• The difference between listening and speaking your opinion, vs. hearing and speaking your opinion
• Why Millennials aren't as bad as everyone makes them out to be (video linked below)
• Why we struggle with validation from others and self-validation
• The dangers of stereotyping and painting groups of people with a broad brushstroke
• The perils of social media
• How Francis' trip to Uganda changed his life (video linked below)
• What he learned in Uganda + why he chose to capture the most vulnerable moments
• Why Los Angeles breeds competition based on social media currency + how to find balance
• Francis' major lessons-learned upon entering the entertainment industry; humility
• Francis' definition of a modern day man + the events which shaped his definition
• Truths, Flaws, and what his younger self would say to him, + more.

Courtesy of Francis Maxwell IG

CONNECTTWITTER: @francismmaxwellINSTAGRAM: @francismmaxwellFACEBOOK: @francismmaxwell WATCHon The Young Turks Networkon YouTube  

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The Millennials Video

UGANDA REFUGEE CAMP

9. WILL REEVE | On Loss, Grief, Hope + the Importance of Adaptability

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

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HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.

Courtesy of Will Reeve

Will Reeve is the son of Dana and Christopher Reeve. He won't go out of his way to tell you that but if you ask him, he will speak about them in a way which parents can only dream of; with pride, with admiration, and with such tangible detail that they almost seem present in the conversation. 

“The values that they had and that they instilled in me really just set the tone for my life is that you don’t complain, you don’t self-pity, you don’t whine, you don’t ask why me, you just get on with it, you stay committed to whatever you’re doing, you stay determined, you stay loyal to the people who love you and the people that you love, above all else, you have to hold on to hope.”

I, like many, remember Will's father as the man who was once Superman who following a fall while horseback riding, spent nine years as a quadriplegic. There was something about this then that still reverberated now as I was doing my research on Will. I watched a video of Christopher Reeve on the Oprah show and I found myself unbelievably emotional. How could a man have such HOPE beaming out of him when he finds himself in what most would call a hopeless situation.

"He could have just laid in his hospital bed not moving all day and nobody would have faulted him for it. He could have quit. He could’ve given up. But he didn’t. And not only did he not give up he fought every day to get out of that wheelchair. To put pressure on the scientific and political communities to try to find a way to cure spinal cord injury (and his fight lives on through the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation) .”

I continued feeling this way during the entirety of my conversation with Will. To give a bit of context, I met him in New York about 3-4 years ago. I sat across from him at a dinner and thought to myself that he exuded a certain kindness that I don't often come across. He hadn't yet jumped into his current career as a broadcaster but it didn't seem crazy to assume that he'd one day find himself in the industry. Following his slow and steady rise via social media has been wonderful. I know how twisted the industry can be so I was pleasantly surprised to see that he's remained in tact with his kindness. If anything, it exudes on a much bigger level now.

“My whole life it was instilled in me, by my parents, by my famous father and mother, that we’re normal people, we don’t deserve anything more than anybody else, we’re not owed anything, we’re not better than anybody, and you don’t namedrop. You don’t use your name to get ahead.”

This conversation was recorded last week - something that usually doesn't happen with these podcasts as many of them have been recorded months ago and posted at a later time - but I wanted to get this one out there because the world in which we find ourselves is quite confusing, dark, and oftentimes with a feeling of hopelessness. It's hard to see through the forest.

“Hope is the elixir, the antidote, the magic currency that we all, in my family, try to traffic in as much as possible."

Will's story shines a much-needed light on the importance of HOPE during the darkest of times. He made me understand through the lessons he's learned from his parents, that this too shall pass. That although life often gets in the way, it can never strip us of our Hope, our Kindness, and our ability to Love, as long as we choose to stay in tact with this incredibly important human emotion.

"I think that that also , in addition to hope, adaptability is one of the key ingredients to life. I truly believe that if you’re adaptable and can roll with the punches so to speak you will succeed because you can go into any situation and come out okay if not thriving.”

So, I could sit here and write a full expose on this conversation and provide you a heads up on what you'll hear, and learn, and think about Will Reeve, but I'd rather let his voice take you there. He, like all of us, is a flawed individual. But what makes him amazing is that he speaks openly about his flaws and insecurities, something that I feel men (and women) can do a better job of enunciating. There's just much to takeaway from this conversation.

"I have to attribute this quote to my father but it’s something that I live by … it’s what I try to see in myself but I also try to see in other people: I belive in the best possibilities of human beings."

Dana and Christopher Reeve - although I do not personally know you...I feel you through your Son. Thank you for your kindness and selflessness and care for others, and most importantly, thank you for instilling all of your virtues to Will. We need more people like him.

p.s. thank you Will. continue being a rockstar and let's get that 50 Most Eligible Bachelor List moving a bit for you ;)

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Via MSG Networks

I DON'T LIKE CHEATERS BUT HERE'S A QUICK CHEAT-SHEET FOR YOU. YOUR SUGGESTED TAKEAWAYS + LESSONS:

• How to find a positive in a negative situation
• How to deal with circumstances Life inevitably throws your way
• Losing his father at 12 years old 
• Losing his Mother at 13 years old
• How his family, support system, and friends kept him going through the hardest time in his life
• Having parents as role models for people around the World
• Understanding the importance of staying grateful, humble, and hopeful
• Why Hope is the Elixir of Life
• The importance of being the best version of yourself + having awareness that there will be moments of failure
• Why his parents are his North Start in navigating his life
• Why adaptability is one of the most important traits to cultivate + carry
• Insecurities of the entertainment industry
• Proudly standing in the shadow of his last name + why it fuels him to work that much harder
• Why he'd never use his last name to get ahead
• Why working at ESPN has been a dream job
• The importance of sports and what sports can teach us
• Sports as a vessel into society
• His father-son bond and their love of hockey (mostly the New York Rangers)
• Why he wants to carry out his parents legacy
• The benefits of technology: providing access into archival footage of his family
• Will's future and dream job
• Being named the Top 50 Most Eligible Bachelors by Town & Country
• Standing up for what you believe in
• The definition of a Modern Man
• Why his Truth is one of his Father's Truths
• Flaws, flaws, flaws, lessons-learned and questions we still need to ask...

CONNECTTWITTER: @ReeveWillINSTAGRAM: @willreeve_

 

watchTV: on ESPN WEBSITEwww.ChristopherReeve.org

Courtesy of Will Reeve

HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR THE WAY YOU LISTEN TO YOUR PODCASTS?WE GOT YOU.iTunes: click here.Available on GooglePlay, Stitcher + Soundcloud

8. JOSHUA 'ZEKE' THOMAS | DJ, Music Producer + Sexual Assault Survivor

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

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iTunes: click here.

Here's what you need to know.

via @zeke_thomas instagram

Aside from everything else, Josh (as I've known him over the years), or Zeke (as he is now known), is an incredibly kind soul. We've known one another since elementary school. He is the son of legendary NBA player, Isaiah Thomas. I, the daughter of legendary NHL player, Igor Larionov. We had, and still have, a lot in common.

We are grateful for our upbringing but as is commonly heard when growing up in the shadow of A BIG PERSONALITY or STAR, the last name comes with added weight.

"As a kid, the pressures of ‘are you the best basketball player?’. Are you the best athlete because of these genes that you’ve inherited? No, I wasn’t. I was athletic. I was into it. But I wasn’t passionate about it.""Still today at 29 years old … I get asked by random people: 'so are you good at basketball as your dad?' How is that even possible? Don’t you think if that was true that I would be in the NBA?”

It begs the question of: can one ever feel good enough when they're forever compared to greatness?

“(the genes acquired) overshadowed me. That’s what I felt made me feel not good enough. Now...I”ll never be as big as my dad. God willing maybe it will happen. But you know, I have a successful career as a DJ and a Music Producer, but there was a lot of resentment and anger I had to work through."

Zeke moved to NYC when his Father started working for the New York Knicks. That was his first taste of fame on a different level.

"...moving to New York City with my Dad, I remember getting followed by the New York Post and the NY Daily News, and different newscasters asking me questions, getting my phone number asking questions about (you know) what’s my dad doing? What do you think? Why did he do this? Why did he do that? What’s up with the New York Knicks scandal and all this stuff? And i’m like, i don’t know...it’s like living in a mini-kardashian bubble and that’s not what you signed up for.”

As you can see if you take a gander through Zeke's social media, he has created quite the name for himself in the music industry, as both a DJ and a Music Producer. But in the past year or so, his name was in headlines for a different and devastating reason. 

In 2016, Zeke was drugged while on a date and then raped in his own apartment by a man he met through a dating app. 

“I woke up the next day not remembering anything. Completely blacked out. Complete no recollection except for bleeding from my anus.”

He spent the following day trying to put the pieces together.

“It’s shock and disbelief. Especially when the person is still there. He was still there. He was about to leave. He was actually like, ‘hey i had a great time’. It was very much what you heard in the majority of the Bill Cosby depositions. It was just like uh, like a, ‘this isn’t real … this didn’t happen’. Then the pain - you feel the pain - and you know what happened. And you’re seeing things. And you’re putting everything together and now you’re trying to remember the night … and you’re like, ‘i didn’t drink. I didn’t take anything. What happened?”

And that's where our stories collide. Josh and I have kept in contact over the years and when I saw him Speaking His Truth on Good Morning America I reached out. 

In this conversation Zeke revelas his history with sexual assault, with one occurrence in his childhood, and then the rape that has made media headlines. We go beyond the details of it and into the emotional aspect of it, better understanding the psychological weight that is added.

As I started to share my own personal experience, I asked him about shame and self-blame.

“I am 100% in agreement with you that I did start to blame myself. I literally felt like every bit of me had been taken away from me. My humanity, almost. I didn’t move. And when I say I didn’t move, I literally mean I didn’t move. I barely went to the bathroom for two days. I was just in bed. Couldn’t move. I was just asleep. Numb to the world. And then I … I decided to numb myself. And I numbed myself full of drugs and alcohol and I went down that path. It was definitely my way of dealing with it but also it was my way of saying, ‘i don’t want to be here’. It was basically a suicidal path and there was one time where I did try to commit suicide. Because of this incident.”

This conversation is HEAVY. It was hard for me to record it and even harder to listen back. It is as vulnerable, open and honest as they come. There is a ray of light at the end of this dialogue and I give all the credit to Josh. As I said in the beginning, he is an incredibly kind soul, and his Love radiates through this conversation. 

thank you Josh for being you. <3

SHARE. SHARE. SHARE. IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR, PLEASE SHARE THIS CONVERSATION WITH THOSE WHO WOULD APPRECIATE AND BENEFIT FROM IT.

via Billboard.com

I DON'T LIKE CHEATERS BUT HERE'S A QUICK CHEAT-SHEET FOR YOU. YOUR SUGGESTED TAKEAWAYS + LESSONS:

• How to ask for and get help after sexual assault
• How to get on the road to recovery
• How to seek medical help
• Doing the work
• Why talking about it helps the recovery process
• The benefits of owning your story
• Why Rape is Rape
• How to Date after Sexual Assault
• How to learn to trust people after Sexual Assault

HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR THE WAY YOU LISTEN TO YOUR PODCASTS?WE GOT YOU.iTunes: click here.Available on GooglePlay, Stitcher + Soundcloud

FOLLOW ZEKE:twitter: @zeke_thomas IG: @zeke_thomas

WATCH + LISTEN TO HIS NEW SINGLE, 'DEALIN' WITH IT'

7. MELANIE COLLINS | TV Host + Sports Broadcaster

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

Download

iTunes: click here.

HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.

Chances are you've seen Melanie Collins on TV. She's been a TV + Sports Broadcaster for ten years covering a variety of sports on NBATV, The Big Ten Network, NFLonCBS, ESPN, Golf Channel, PGA.com, and has filled in on ESPN's First Take and SportsNation. As any good host, he's dabbled in the entertainment industry too but as you'll hear, her heart is with hockey.

That's how Mel and I first met. It took us a good 6-7 years of a friendship to get to this Podcast conversation and confess that we both looked at one another as the 'girl who had it all'. Women in competition. Unattractive, yet prevalent. We make our peace and discuss why competition is so rampant and heavy amongst women, especially in our industry.

“We have this view of the industry where we look at it through a scarcity lens. Because we’re women and because jobs are so hard to come by already - or we feel that way - we feel that there’s not room for all of us. Especially with the great jobs that we feel will get us the most exposure."

Growing up in State College, PA, Mel grew up around her brothers and sports acted as a way to connect with them. 

“For me - being the only girl in the house - the only way that i could really participate in playing with my brothers was to suit up and go in net and let them shoot on me, or go play tennis with them, or whatever. So, I just kind of .. I began to like sports because it was kind of what I knew. It was the way that I fit in with my brothers."

At the age of 12, Melanie's parents divorced and after two years of moving back and forth between her Mom and Dad's house, she had to face a tough decision.

“It was traumatic when i was young. For the first two years after my parents divorced, i would go to my dad’s house for a week and then i would come back to my mom’s house for a week. I chose to live with my mom and i think my dad from that point kind of took that as i was choosing my mom over him, which sucks when your’e a 14 year old girl. I felt the relationship with my dad kind of fizzle after i chose to live with my mom but i needed it for mental stability. i needed to be in one place and be with my things. And i needed to be with my mom. From that point on, my dad and i kind of grew apart and you know, we still talk to this day but it’s definitely not ...  i never had that like daddy’s girl relationship with my dad that all my friends had and that i always wanted.”

Melanie is tough. One almost has to be thick-skinned in order to survive in this industry. She works hard. She has a no-quit mentality. She's the best of the best. I mean it. I've seen a lot of women come and go in this industry. There are few like Mel. And even fewer who've gone through troubled waters during the early stages of their career, coming out as a survivor.

Dubbed as "The Next Erin Andrews", one day Melanie's agent called to inform her about pictures surfaced on the internet. The 'butt-crack' pictures from college, couple with a bikini photoshoot nearly derailed her career. Every subsequent job interview questioned her integrity:

"It was awful. I remember having to specifically fly to ESPN at one point and explain that photo to higher ups at ESPN and i just thought, how did it get to this point....it’s just like I somehow created this monster...some slutty college girl who shouldn’t be hired because she licks butt cracks and wears a bathing suit.”

I'd be the first (and certainly not the last) to say that these experiences were undeserved, unfair, and unimaginably harsh especially for a woman like Melanie; poised, smart, kind, hard-working, and mindful.

But that is the industry. Further in the conversation, I share my experiences dating a Hockey Player and how that affected my job, my behavior, and future opportunities. NHL, I knock at you. I do not apologize. It's time that things change. Melanie reiterates the statement after losing a job opportunity BECAUSE of her relationship with James Neal.

"An opportunity came up with NHL Network where they were looking for a full time host. I was told you’re our top candidate. It’s yours to lose. We’re stunned by your audition. We’re so excited about you. Here I am thinking I’m getting this job. I get a call about a week later and my agent says, ‘hey you know, unfortunately NHL Network feels that your relationship is an issue and they can’t offer you a job. That’s where my relationship with an athlete in this field has gotten me."

As you'll hear in the intro of the podcast we touch on much more. This was TRULY a breath of fresh air for me. Sure, Mel and I have had these types of conversations off-air but we both felt it was time to start SPEAKING OUT about the inner-workings of this industry. At 30 + 31, we've done the work. We've proven we belong over and over again. We have nothing to hide. With our Truth we want to create the space for the future generation of young women to have equal opportunity, success, and respect in our industry.

So THANK YOU MEL. For being candid, honest, kind, and open-hearted as we weaved through this conversation. Much love to you. xx.

SHARE. SHARE. SHARE. IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR, PLEASE SHARE THIS CONVERSATION WITH THOSE WHO WOULD APPRECIATE AND BENEFIT FROM IT.

I DON'T LIKE CHEATERS BUT HERE'S A QUICK CHEAT-SHEET FOR YOU. YOUR SUGGESTED TAKEAWAYS + LESSONS:

• Why Women Compete (in general + in Mel's industry)
• Working in a male-dominated industry
• Lack of Women supporting other Women in the Industry; looking for dirt on one another, spreading rumors, etc.
• The imposter-syndrome and why Women feel like they constantly have to prove themselves, their worth and that they belong
• Why you can't win in the world of sports broadcasting; there will always be something you "could do" better
• Discussing Megyn Kelly's interview with Erin Andrews
• Cutting off Emotion: in order to succeed in the industry do Women have to act like a Man? (and what does that mean?)
• Why after 10 years in the industry Mel feels desensitized
• Melanie's upbringing:
  • growing up with brothers and surrounded by sports
  • parent's divorce + the negative affects on her childhood
• Why self-discovery, reading and self-evaluating is important for personal growth
• What we can learn from heartbreak and how to recover from things that don't go your way
• Why Mel believes that "everything happens for a reason"
• How the media dubbed her "the next Erin Andrews" and the pitfalls of comparing yourself to another person
• Why she believes she's her own toughest critic
• How Social Media can Negatively Affect the Trajectory of your career:
  • we speak about the Butt Crack Pictures leaked on Deadspin
  • the swimsuit calendar photographs from her college years
  • how to protect yourself from these types of circumstances
  • what she's learned from this particular experience
  • and how to bounce back from it...
• Why it's hard to trust other women in the industry
• Trusting and building a relationship with Charissa Thompson
• The double standard of dating an Athlete in your industry
  • the repercussions of dating an athlete
  • losing a job because of her relationship with James Neal
  • James' reaction to the missed opportunity
  • why + how this needs to change
• The affects on self-esteem, confidence, body image + looks when working in the TV industry
• Women + Labels in the industry:
  • Hot = Stupid
  • Not = Smart
• How Producers have pushed her to change her image/look in order to fit the part
• Truths, Flaws, lessons-learned, (Stinkin' Thinkin')
• Mel's definition of success + happiness
• + so much more....

HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR THE WAY YOU LISTEN TO YOUR PODCASTS?WE GOT YOU.iTunes: click here.Available on GooglePlay, Stitcher + Soundcloud

FOLLOW MELANIE:@melanie_collinsVISIT HER WEBSITE:http://www.melanie-collins.com/ 

“you can change behaviors and thought process but you can’t change the things that happened in your past.” - Mr. Kevin

Check Back with Mr. Kevin No. 01 | How to Recognize Negative Cycles and Surviving Vs. Succeeding

TELL YOUR STORY with Alyonka Larionov

Download

iTunes: click here.

This is called Check back with Mr. Kevin.In the world of child psychology - a lot of times it’s important to check back in with your counselor or your therapist. In fact, i’ll go as far as to say that everyone should take some time to check back in with their therapist. And if you don’t have one then try checking back in with yourself. Be it through writing, mediation, a solo walk, or art - whatever it is that you can use to get back to YOU.Mr. Kevin and I met while I was working for VICE. I’ve always been fascinated by psychology and the human condition so when when we ended working together, oftentimes our conversations - even those about work - were based on the psychological aspects of the characters and people I was researching, the people in the office, or people around the world. At first, I didn’t know about Mr. Kevin’s background... (yes, his nickname should have given it away)I worked in Children's Mental Health for almost 11 years, in both the Department of Child and Family Services and in private run facilities where I would write treatment plans for the kids, run group sessions and work one on one with the kids to achieve their therapeutic goals. In that time, I worked with children who were diagnosed with bipolar disorder, conduct disorder, schizo effective, autism, aspbergers and more. The majority of the children also suffered from abuse, physical, verbal, emotional and sexual.I majored in Psychology at the College of Southern Nevada and the University of Reno. Trained in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I have studied meditation for the past 8 years and have been practicing and training as a healer for 5 years now. I will soon start my Reiki healing certification at the beginning of the year.  Once I understood that his knowledge stemmed from a space of experience and education, I became even more excited by the opportunity to have someone to speak to on the many topics that fill my mind. 

If you worked at VICE, chances are you’d see Kevin and I in a corner discussing the human condition-or - you might have seen us working on a sports pilot, using the white board in one of the conference rooms to dissect (and I mean…really dissect) the person we were to interview.

Neither of us work for VICE anymore but our friendship remains in tact. and as I navigated my life into Recovery from my eating disorder, Kevin was always an understanding ear because he GOT me beyond the general population.He and I both believe childhood shapes us into the people that we are today. We love understanding peoples pains and scars and flaws in order to help each individual come a tad bit closer to a feeling of healing.For Check Back with Mr. Kevin we will be addressing some of the questions both of us ponder - or better yet, Kevin will try to answer my complicated mind - by using the Tell Your Story Podcast episodes as launching points, and then following the natural course of conversation.This is an experiment . Flawed. of course. But a QUICK listen. So we’ll see how it goes. Take a chance and let us know what you think. xx.a

SUBSCRIBE TO THE TELL YOUR STORY PODCAST HERE.

We love to hear from you, please share your thoughts/concerns/questions/tips/suggestions below.

 p.s.thanks for being you, Kevin. even if that means partaking in snapchat filters with me.

6. ALLY LOVE | Founder of Love Squad + Brooklyn Nets Host

IN THE UNKNOWN with Alyonka

Download

iTunes: click here.

Here's What You Need to Know.

Courtesy of Ally Love

I remember vividly the day I met Ally Love. I was walking out of my position as in-arena host for the Brooklyn Nets, and she was walking in. We exchanged a few quick words but not much more than that. As you'll hear in this conversation: there are always two sides to every story.

What I didn't know then is that Ally's electrifying ENERGY is no bullshit. At the age of nine, she faced a life or death situation when she was hit by a car. Her Mother gave her two choices:

"‘Baby girl, you can choose to live or you can choose to die. It’s totally your choice."

Ally chose life. To me, she is the embodiment of the phrase "loves to live". She does so ferociously and unapologetically. The key to her success is her incredible self-awareness and the power she knows she has to maneuver through any situation life throws her way.

“You only have two options: It’s always black or white. There can be some grey stuff in the middle that you can move around, but it’s only to get to the two extremes, where it’s a yes or a no. That kind of dichotomy that you live in. That spectrum that we ALL live in. How we shift around is OUR option.”

Shift. It's an interesting word for someone with bountiful energy whose moved from traditional dance, to becoming a New York Knicks Dancer, to a career in modeling, to hosting (she's still the Host of the Brooklyn Nets), to Peloton Instructor, to Founder of Love Squad, to becoming an entrepreneur and a self-made business owner and brand.

“Like any small business, you work endless hours. Like this morning I got up at 530 just to get ahead of the game. I left my house for an 8 am meeting. And I’m non-stop until 830 tonight. I don’t complain about it. I love what I do. If I can affect more people with encouragement and positivity and somehow literally cheer them on - be their biggest cheerleader in their career and in their personal life - I have all the energy in the world for that.”

Ally is a strong believer in the Rate of Activity vs. the Rate of Production - and we get into her theory. The key is identifying the kind of woman that you are. She's done that and more. This conversation is for anyone who is looking for a guideline on how to find the positive in any negative. It's a source of encouragement. It feels action-packed because of Ally's energy. It's about understanding perspective, one's strengths and one's weaknesses. The difficult to pin-down work/life balance. And it's for anyone who's looking for a cheerleader in their back corner.

“I’ve been going out of my way to empower these women. To let them know - if there's something I can do to help you to find what you’re trying to do or figure it out - let me know. Use me as a resource.”

I'm telling you - Ally's your girl. 

If you get a chance to make it to one of her Speaker Series - DO! The only thing that will come of that is pure goodness. Thanks for being you, Ms. Love. xx

SHARE. SHARE. SHARE. IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR, PLEASE SHARE THIS CONVERSATION WITH THOSE WHO WOULD APPRECIATE AND BENEFIT FROM IT.

Courtesy of Ally Love

I DON'T LIKE CHEATERS BUT HERE'S A QUICK CHEAT-SHEET FOR YOU. YOUR SUGGESTED TAKEAWAYS + LESSONS:

• The power of + understanding perspective
• Finding your Voice
• Choosing to Live Fully
• Finding a Positive in any Negative
• Understanding your strengths + weaknesses, and how to add that which is missing
• The importance of REAL friends
• Becoming YOU - trusting your gut and making a choice to listen to your body, mind + soul
• Body Dysmorphia + Battling Societal Expectations
• The Power of Being - the affect you have on those around you (make it positive)
• Recognizing fear as vulnerability and making it work to your advantage
• How to get out of your funk / hint: you don't just snap out of it
• The Wave of Emotions in One Day and how to Master the Wave
• How to Maneuver through any situation
• How to Identify your Core
• Releasing Shame for choosing the unexpected path + role
• Feeding your need
• Sexual Objectification + how to Deal with it (a new twist)
• Cat-calling
• The Power of Inclusivity
• How to Cultivate a Brand for yourself
• How to build a business (the power of out-sourcing + delegation)
• Collaborate, NOT Compete
• Empowering Others
• A Love Squad + Speaker Series (what you'll get out of the experience)
• How to Multi-Task // Time Management
• What type of woman are you? // Rate of Activity vs. Rate of Production
• The Power of Releasing Negativity
• Truths, Flaws + much more...

HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR THE WAY YOU LISTEN TO YOUR PODCASTS?WE GOT YOU.iTunes:Available on GooglePlay, Stitcher + Soundcloud

FOLLOW ally:@allymissloveVISIT HER WEBSITE:www.alovesquad.comwww.allylove.com