Wines We're Drinking

Episode Description

Jessica sits down with Adriana Martinez, LCSW, a licensed Latina therapist, university professor, and founder of Tonali Therapy and Consulting in the Bay Area. Adriana opens up about surviving breast cancer, repeated pregnancy loss, and being a young single mom in grad school, and how those experiences shaped her work with Latinas navigating perfectionism, shame, and family pressure. The conversation moves through the story of her parents' journey from Michoacan to Oakland on an overstayed visa, what it meant to grow up as the middle child and only daughter between two brothers, and the moment she learned her father is not her biological father. Adriana breaks down what inner child work and EMDR actually look like in practice, and the two swap stories on love languages, marrying into families that "warn" your partner what they're getting into, and the question that changed how Adriana sees her own healing: how did you know you were loved?

Content note: this episode includes candid discussion of cancer diagnosis, pregnancy loss, immigration status, and suicidal ideation. Listener discretion advised.

Timestamps

0:00 Intro; Jessica welcomes Adriana Martinez and talks mental health in Latino and Black families as the podcast nears 300 episodes

0:15 Wine pours: Ceja and the Georgian Saperavi Qvevri; Adriana's bio, her breast cancer survivorship, and comparing notes with Jessica's mom's own cancer story

0:30 Adriana's parents' journey from Michoacan to Mexico City to the Bay Area on an overstayed visa; her dad's story of choosing between the bus and eating; the reveal that Jessica's dad is not her biological father

0:45 Intergenerational trauma named directly; what inner child work actually is; birth order, being the only daughter between two brothers, and getting assigned family roles

1:00 Love languages across generations; independence versus wanting to be taken care of; dads warning new partners "you know what you're getting into"

1:15 EMDR therapy explained; how therapists carry client stories and use their own therapy; closing reflection on the question "how did you know you were loved?" and living life on your own terms

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