Intimate Interactions

Today medical doctor Alexandra Stockwell talks about compromise and how it impacts intimacy and passion. Over her lengthy marriage and raising four children, she’s learned a lot about intimacy. Today we’re going to talk about what compromises do and why sometimes compromises aren’t the best solution. Please see the show notes for a link to The Assertiveness Workbook by Dr. Randy J. Paterson. You can also see

http:/alexandrastockwell.com/desires (for courses) or podcast (for podcast)

Enjoy!

Alexandra Harbushka created Life with Herpes after she tested positive for a genital herpes infection. Since her harrowing story began, involving feelings of shame, loss, grief, rejection, and deep disconnection, she’s made tremendous progress. Following a lot of research and self work, she now boasts a community of people who are transitioning from surviving to thriving while infected with genital herpes. As a side note, there are always medical exceptions where any infection can be particularly severe or painful. While these are the exception and not the rule, it’s important we don’t erase the pain that some herpes sufferers experience even if they are less common. There are also treatments now like valcyclovir for those with frequent outbreaks to reduce outbreaks, pain, and transmission.

Now, get ready for a frank conversation where we work to destigmatize the infection and talk about the hard journey Alexandra went on later creating toolkits, wellness products, and coaching services. Let’s go to Alexandra here on Intimate Interactions.

Today, Juniper and I do something terrifying. We choose to, without pre-discussing, record an episode on our one night stand and what was going on for us. She mentioned she was nervous about having the discussion and wanted to save it for our last recorded session which definitely made my heart beat faster in an “oh god, I really hope this isn’t a call-out” kind of way. We both went into it blind, and here’s what we recorded, on Intimate Interactions.

Today we get to learn from Dr. Joli Hamilton, a PhD holder in psychology with a personal fascination around jealousy, compersion, and other related topics. From jealousy being a neutral emotion rather than a negative one, expect to have your preconceptions challenged. We differentiate jealousy from envy by discussing jealousy as triangular by default where envy is dyadic. Finally, Dr. Hamilton encourages us to ask specific questions and build shared meaning and vocabulary. I expect this session to be a real treat. When you’re done, feel free to check out Dr. Hamilton’s TedX talk or visit her site at jolihamilton.com. Enjoy.

https://www.jolihamilton.com/

Sex is something we do for many, many reasons from procreation to recreation, from fun to serious, from pity to insecurity, from anger to hurt, from jealousy to love. Sex is just a thing we as humans do with ourselves and with each other. Today, we talk with Robin Beatch about sex as the validating feeling of being chosen. As a former dominatrix, she approaches the talk from a place of experience. Let’s get to the session here on Intimate Interactions.

Janina from Vienna and Berlin is back. Olivier from Belgium joins us. Today we want to talk about how fun festivals are but instead very quickly get on the topic of sexual misconduct. We really work hard to create the events we wish we could attend, but once we’re organising, power makes it hard to experience them as attendees. We’re constantly interrupted when trying to have fun to go put out fires. We’re working and volunteering often during most of the fun. We often get paid nothing. But hey, both Janina and I have patreon accounts so if you’re feeling generous you can check out intimatevictor.com/patreon or patreon.com/intimatevictor. Or you can check out Janina at patreon.com/janina_vivianne

Juniper, the only woman I’ve had a one night stand with, opens up about her chronic illness Rickettsia, a bacterial infection caused by tick bites that can lead to chronic fatigue and other physiological problems. Content warning for chronic illnesses. We talk about the deep depression and complete loss of hope that can come in certain moments. Juniper describes this experience for her as a “spiritual death” that eventually got easier to manage. We talk about isolation as well. It’s an intimate conversation, just as you’ve come to expect from us.

What would it look like if you were invited to an orgy and you were excited to go? Would you want to go back again? If you had a partner who was genuinely excited for you to go or perhaps even come with you - would you go?

Let’s say you’ve been going to fun events that involve dating, sex, or kink. You’ve been going long enough people ask you to teach a five minute talk on consent. You practice. You have a decent talk. You’re super nervous. You go up. You crush it. You come off the stage, and people are suddenly more interested in you. People you didn’t have the confidence to approach are now approaching you.

Here’s the rub: power imbalances make ethical sex complicated. I want to say that again: power imbalances make ethical sex complicated.

How do you put down the power of the microphone effect when the microphone is already down? People who just met you while you were on stage holding a microphone don’t care that it was unpaid work you just did. They don’t care that you only have a year’s experience. They have none! Where does your responsibility begin and end?

These are complicated situations that we all too easily find ourselves in, so let’s talk a little about it with our European friends, Olivier from Belgium and Janina from Vienna and Berlin.

Catharsis is the process of getting relief from strong emotions by releasing, expressing, or processing them. Today we’ll talk about different kinds from fantasies to gaming, sex, and kink. Why do we seem fascinated by zombies or the apocalypse? What does experiencing a rough or violent fantasy through BDSM look like and what are some of the many safety measures taken during such a scene? Do we play video games for how they make us feel? Is that feeling cathartic? Let’s get into it with Robin here on Intimate Interactions.

We talk a lot about individual accountability because we’re a very individualistic culture; however community accountability doesn’t just mean being accountable to your community. It also means your community being accountable. In this episode, we’ll talk about some strategies we can use in our events or request our events use for reducing risk of harm.

Two new friends, Olivier from Belgium and Janina from Vienna and Berlin, are keen to talk about those event management tools. What strategies should you research when figuring out how to make your events safer?