It‘s Probably (not) Aliens!

By Tristan Johnson & Scott NiswanderSociety & Culture Education History

It‘s Probably (not) Aliens! episodes

May 05 Anarchist praxis in the 17th century (a love story)
Tristan flies solo without Scott (now on baby duty) and brings in Phil and Kevin from the Pixelit podcast to crack open Nan Madol, the stone complex sitting on a coral reef in Pohnpei. Ancient Aliens says it was built by giants from the stars who ran a hybrid breeding program before culling the survivors. The actual story is way better: a feudal dynasty extracted so much labour from its people that they got overthrown, after which the survivors built one of the most deliberately decentralized political systems in the pre-modern Pacific. Then the episode follows a much weirder thread: how Helena Blavatsky's occult race theory became Lovecraft's cosmic horror, became a Cthulhu tabletop sanity mechanic, became Erich von Däniken's plagiarism, became the History Channel's "romance television for men" pitch deck, and became modern Great Replacement panic.
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Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!
Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com
Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch | Edited by Max
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
1 hr 35 min
April 28 We Should've Had Shovels For Hands
Ancient Aliens wants you to believe the Toba super-eruption 74,000 years ago was an alien population cull, a "cosmic reset button" to wipe out noisy, rebellious humanity 1.0 and replace us with a genetically upgraded, obedient slave race that then built all the pyramids. Tristan walks Scott through the claim piece by piece: the Anunnaki population control panic, the inside-job volcano theory, the genetic upgrade fiction, and the "chosen survivors in alien bunkers" arc, tracing every beat back to a Babylonian myth, a long-debunked bottleneck estimate, and Helena Blavatsky's "root races" (which, spoiler, the Nazis loved).
Then things get current. The same bunker-survivor fantasy powers Mark Zuckerberg's $270 million underground Hawaiian compound, Peter Thiel's New Zealand escape hatches, longtermism, elite pronatalism, and the eco-fascist "humans are the virus" meme that crawled out of 2020. Douglas Rushkoff calls it The Mindset: accumulate enough capital to personally exit the world you helped break. The actual archaeology from Shinfa Metema 1 shows the opposite: Toba survivors made it through not with bunkers but with bow-and-arrow tech, flexible diets, river-corridor mobility, and long-distance obsidian trade networks. Cooperation, not seclusion.
Plus: why Scott thought "Koolau Ranch" was a salad dressing, a sustained argument that every geological term in this episode should be a AAA video game, Candace Owens' theory that Charlie Kirk was a Project Looking Glass time traveller, and Scott's final episode before paternity leave. Build your obsidian handshake network before you need it.
Content note: Discussion of eugenics, eco-fascism, and Malthusian "population control" rhetoric throughout.
Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!
Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!
Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!
Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com
Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch | Edited by Max
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
2 hr 5 min
April 21 Struck Down In His Prime At 90 Years Young
Season premiere corrections episode! Erich von Däniken is dead (despite what the Ancient Aliens community assured us about his extraordinary health), Ash Ketchum retired, and nobody told Tristan, and a listener named Leif has been emailing corrections since the Biden administration. This episode: batteries, Thailand's impressive colonial-era diplomacy, why calling medieval people historically illiterate sells them short, the difference between Zoroastrian Mithra and Roman Mithras, the scholarly consensus on whether Josephus actually mentioned Jesus, and why Christianity and Nazism are theologically incompatible, but that's never stopped anyone. Plus: the oldest known piece of writing is basically a one-star Yelp review, Tristan wasted a week researching AI-generated slop, and Scott wants to play Taps on air horns.
Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!
Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!
Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!
Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com
Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch | Edited by Max
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
1 hr 23 min
March 26 The Clearest UFO Photo of 2026 Costs $12 at Party City
Tristan flies solo while Scott's on paternity leave to bring you an emergency episode about the "clearest UFO photograph of 2026"; a viral image of a sharp, metallic object over Acapulco that got AI-enhanced, scored 97% authentic by some unnamed tool, and landed in a news cycle where the President had just promised the alien files were coming. It's a $12 Party City balloon bouquet shaped like a movie clapperboard. But the balloon is the easy part. The harder question is what happens when AI upscaling can turn any blurry nothing into convincing 4K evidence, when detector scores give your brain permission to stop thinking, and when the platforms pushing this stuff can't tell the difference between wonder and truth, and don't need to, because both generate clicks. Tristan breaks down the optics, the AI, and the disclosure hype that sent a foil balloon around the world, walks through a practical framework for evaluating viral images, and talks about why the real Acapulco, still dealing with earthquakes, hurricanes, and cartel violence, deserves more of the attention that went to whatever was floating above it.
Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!
Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!
Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!
Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com
Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
40 min
March 03 Magnets: How Do They (Not) Work?
Ancient Aliens claims the 3,000 standing stones at Carnac in Brittany are quartz-rich geomagnetic batteries that beam GPS signals to extraterrestrials. In this episode, Tristan takes us deeper into the actual physics of magnetism than this podcast has possibly ever gone, and it turns out the Earth's magnetic field is so weak your fridge magnets are millions of times more powerful, quartz can't hold a charge any more than your aluminum can, and granite is about as conductive as a floor tile. We also untangle why a Pythagorean triangle at a site with 3,000 rocks is statistically inevitable, and why the real question isn't "what did Carnac do" but why Ancient Aliens can't accept that sometimes people just build things to feel something. Plus: the MRI machine that can never be turned off, the case for a really long cable to space, and a branded non-alcoholic IPA we desperately need someone to make for us.
Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!
Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!
Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!
Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com
Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch | Edited by Stanford
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
1 hr 16 min
February 24 Coral Castle: Women Always Be Wanting You To Make Megaliths
A Latvian immigrant, barely five feet tall, builds one of the strangest tourist attractions in North America out of coral stone, and Ancient Aliens can only think to credit aliens with it. In this role-reversed birthday episode, Scott takes the research chair to investigate Coral Castle, the sprawling stone garden in Homestead, Florida that features astronomical alignments, stone rocking chairs, and a nine-ton gate a child can push open. Ancient Aliens made seven claims about it in seven minutes. Only one of them is true.
Along the way, we discover that the show's romantic "jilted lover" narrative was invented by a jeweler in the 1950s, that the "mysterious black box" was just the top of a tripod, that there's literal video footage of Ed using pulleys (which Ancient Aliens apparently didn't watch), and that Ed's own book contains some of the most unhinged things we've ever read on this podcast; and we've read Chariots of the Gods. We close by examining the "lone genius" myth, why romanticizing isolation is dangerous, and why community is, dare we say it, communing-ism.
Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!
Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!
Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!
Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com
Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch | Edited by Stanford
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
1 hr 48 min
February 17 Scott Is Tired So His Pregnant Wife Is The Host Now
Scott's down for the count, so his nearly-third-trimester wife Emily Pilat steps up to the mic. (This episode actually is coming out on the due date.) Together with Tristan, they travel to the Armenian highlands to investigate Karahunj, a site of 223 standing stones that conspiracy theorists call "Armenian Stonehenge." The claim? The 80 holes drilled into these stones are precisely aligned with the constellation Cygnus as it appeared 12,000 years ago, suggesting either alien contact or a lost ice-age civilization that taught Bronze Age Armenians impossible astronomy.
The reality involves a graveyard, some goats, and a guy with a Geocities website endorsed by Graham Hancock.
Along the way, they unpack the Texas Sharpshooter fallacy, talk about why a Nobel Prize–winning physicist promoting archaeology doesn't automatically make him right, visit the worst website on the modern internet not owned by Elon Musk, and grapple with the uncomfortable question of what happens when legitimate failures in institutional science create vacuums that grifters are all too happy to fill. Plus: Canadian parliamentary drama, Pontius Pilate's descendant works at a Christian nonprofit, and why ancient people drew so many penises on walls.
Content Warning: Discussion of radicalization, political violence, January 6th insurrection, and the exploitation of vulnerable populations.
Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!
Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!
Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!
Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com
Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch | Edited by Stanford
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
1 hr 28 min
February 10 Sacsayhuamán: The One Where We Solve the Male Loneliness Epidemic
Ancient Aliens claims the megalithic stonework at Sacsayhuamán in Peru is so precise it must have been built with alien laser technology or by a lost advanced civilization, because obviously the Inca couldn't possibly have figured out how to move big rocks on their own. They absolutely could, and they did it through sophisticated engineering, organized labour systems, and generations of accumulated knowledge. We explain the actual construction techniques (leverage, controlled fracturing, the mit'a labour system), debunk claims of "impossible" precision, and discuss how ancient astronaut theories systematically erase indigenous achievement while sanitizing the very real human cost of empire-building. Also, we spend an unreasonable amount of time obsessed with pronunciation guides, we invent "Pull lotees" as an ancient workout routine, and we learn that Julian Michael is the hero we need but don't deserve.
We prove beyond a shadow of a doubt in this one that, despite both being in our 30s, we are still 12.
Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!
Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!
Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!

Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com
Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch | Edited by Stanford
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
1 hr 45 min
February 03 Göbekli Tepe Part 2: Oops, All Tristan Makes You Sad
In Part 2 of our Göbekli Tepe series, we pivot from debunking ancient alien claims to examining why conspiracy theories are so fucking dangerous in 2025. We start with the shocking discovery that Hank Green made a video with almost our exact podcast title (we're not mad, don't tell anyone we were mad), then spiral into a serious discussion about how recommendation algorithms, economic incentives, and media exploitation create radicalization pipelines that lead from "ancient aliens built pyramids" to January 6th insurrections.
We explore how conspiracy content preys on vulnerable populations, why confrontational fact-checking backfires, and what you can actually do when someone you love falls down the rabbit hole.
Content Warning: Discussion of radicalization, political violence, January 6th insurrection, and the exploitation of vulnerable populations.
Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!
Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!
Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!
Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com
Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch | Edited by Stanford
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
1 hr 29 min
January 27 Göbekli Tepe Part 1: Using Excessive Amounts of Lube To Move Big Rocks
Tristan and Scott return to the "smoking gun" of the ancient astronaut world: Göbekli Tepe. According to Netflix documentaries and Ancient Aliens, this 12,000-year-old site is impossible. They claim there were no tools, no agriculture, and no way to move 15-ton stone pillars without anti-gravity (or at least a visit from some tall, white Atlanteans).
In Part 1 of this deep dive, we look at the actual "dirt science." We find out that not only were there tools (thousands of them, actually), but that moving big rocks is mostly just a matter of having enough lube. We also discuss why Ice Age: The Meltdown might be a more historically accurate document than Graham Hancock’s entire bibliography, and why finding a fox carved on a rock doesn't automatically mean Noah parked his boat around the corner.
Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!
Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!
Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube
Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!

Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com
Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
1 hr 37 min

About It‘s Probably (not) Aliens!

From the publisher's feed

Was Earth really visited by mysterious extraterrestrial travelers thousands of years ago as many proponents of ”ancient astronaut theory” believe? What are the hidden secrets and mysteries behind ancient monuments and forgotten civilizations?