One man helped move gay fatherhood from legal impossibility to corporate insurance policy. This is the conversation about what that actually cost and who controls the infrastructure now.

Ron Poole-Dayan founded Men Having Babies. Over two decades he helped reshape how governments, corporations, and insurance companies think about surrogacy, infertility, and LGBTQ+ family building. He did not do it by asking nicely.

This is not a feel-good conversation. It is a systems level discussion about power, money, ethics, and the uncomfortable truth that every non-profit operating near medicine, law, and vulnerable people eventually becomes a gatekeeper.

What this episode covers:

How redefining infertility as a social status changed insurance law in ways litigation never could.

Why workplace benefits became more powerful than courtrooms for advancing LGBTQ+ parenting rights.

Why ethical standards in surrogacy create both protection and exclusion simultaneously and why that tension is not going away.

What it actually costs to change a system at scale and who pays that price.

Why the goal of real advocacy is to make itself unnecessary and why Men Having Babies is not there yet.

What is coming in Europe as surrogacy regulation intensifies and why Brussels is the next battleground.

When a non-profit succeeds so completely it stops being charity and becomes infrastructure. What happens then.

Every mature movement eventually faces scrutiny not for failing but for succeeding.

If you want LGBTQ+ parenting to be boring, protected, and normal, this is the price of that.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Why Men Having Babies Exists

02:48 Financial Assistance and Industry Proximity

05:41 Advocacy, Law, and Institutional Power

08:22 Redefining Infertility: Medical vs Social Status

10:48 Workplace Benefits and Corporate Policy

13:35 Cultural Blind Spots Around Male Parenthood

16:18 How Surrogacy Evolved and Why It's Contested

19:01 When Advocacy Becomes Infrastructure

CONNECT WITH RON POOLE-DAYAN

Men Having Babies: https://menhavingbabies.org

Financial Assistance Program: https://menhavingbabies.org/gpap

Listening in a browser? Open this in the Spotify app and hit follow. That is the only way Spotify tells you when new episodes land. No clinic deals. No referral fees. No false hope. IVF Daddies is the independent reference system for IVF, surrogacy and egg donation.

Kim Kardashian froze her eggs on camera. Janet Jackson had a baby at 50. The message millions of women absorbed: you have time.

The message reproductive doctors are exhausted from correcting: you do not.

Dr. Brooke Freeman is a reproductive endocrinologist. She spends her days cleaning up the damage left behind by oversimplified celebrity fertility narratives, reassuring doctors who meant well, and a culture that decided hope was more important than honesty.

This episode is the conversation she wishes every woman had before it was too late.

What Dr. Freeman reveals:

Why AMH measures how many eggs you have. Not how good they are. And why that difference destroys timelines.

Why "it only takes one" is technically true and practically one of the most dangerous things a doctor can say.

Why celebrities who conceive in their 40s and 50s are almost never telling you the full story about donor eggs.

Why being told "your numbers look good" in your late 30s can create a false sense of security that closes doors permanently.

Why egg freezing is a tool. Not a guarantee. Not an insurance policy. A tool.

Why age still matters biologically no matter what your test results say.

Why false reassurance feels kind in the moment and cruel five years later.

The Kardashians made fertility content. Hollywood made fertility look easy. And somewhere between the cameras and the clinics, the truth got lost.

This episode brings it back.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Understanding Egg Freezing and Fertility

02:38 The Reality of IVF and Age Factors

05:51 The Importance of Accurate Medical Advice

08:29 Empowering Women in Fertility Choices

Listening in a browser? Open this in the Spotify app and hit follow. That is the only way Spotify tells you when new episodes land. No clinic deals. No referral fees. No false hope. IVF Daddies is the independent reference system for IVF, surrogacy and egg donation.

No rulebook. No legal framework. No guarantees. Just two people who refused to stop.

This episode is not a success story with a tidy ending. It is what actually happens when the system was not built for your family and you have to find a way through it anyway.

They tried to become parents in the Netherlands. A country where the legal grey zones around surrogacy and family building are not edge cases. They are the daily reality for anyone who does not fit the template the law imagined when it was written.

What happened inside that journey:

The first plan failed. Then the second. Then grief arrived in a form they did not recognise at first because nobody had told them what grief looks like when it is not attached to a death but to a door that keeps closing.

The emotional toll of repeated setbacks in a system that offers no roadmap and no apology.

What it feels like to keep choosing each other when there are no guarantees medically, legally, or emotionally.

The moment everything changed. What it looked like. What it cost to get there.

How you talk about all of it as a family once you are on the other side.

This is the episode for anyone who has ever sat in a waiting room, or a lawyer's office, or a hospital corridor, wondering if the life they imagined is still possible.

It is. But nobody tells you what it actually takes to get there.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Why We Wanted a Family

02:20 When the First Plan Didn't Work

05:22 Trying Different Paths

07:45 Emotional Highs and Lows

10:13 Finding Support

12:49 Moments of Hope

15:17 Facing Setbacks

17:11 Processing Loss

18:59 Choosing to Continue

21:32 Trust and Connection

23:48 Sharing Our Story

25:50 Navigating Complex Rules

27:34 Waiting and Uncertainty

30:48 The Day Everything Changed

34:06 Talking About It as a Family

Listening in a browser? Open this in the Spotify app and hit follow. That is the only way Spotify tells you when new episodes land. No clinic deals. No referral fees. No false hope. IVF Daddies is the independent reference system for IVF, surrogacy and egg donation.

When politicians control reproductive healthcare, families pay the price. A public health doctor who has spent his career on the frontlines is done staying quiet about it.

Dr. Demetre Daskalakis has worked inside some of the most politically pressured healthcare systems in America. He has watched IVF access erode. He has watched surrogacy get weaponized in policy debates by people who have never sat with a family trying to build one. He has watched misinformation spread faster than medicine can correct it.

This conversation is the one the healthcare system does not want you to hear.

What this episode covers:

Why IVF and surrogacy are not niche medical topics. They are public health infrastructure. And when that infrastructure fails, it does not fail quietly.

How political pressure on clinicians is creating an ethical crisis inside reproductive medicine right now.

Why LGBTQ+ families are the first to lose access when reproductive healthcare systems come under attack and rarely the last.

How medical misinformation about IVF and surrogacy spreads, who benefits from it, and why doctors are increasingly afraid to correct it publicly.

Why the burden being placed on individual clinicians is unsustainable and what happens to patients when doctors burn out trying to fight it.

What community-based public health models actually do that hospital systems cannot and why that difference is saving families right now.

Why reproductive healthcare failing individually means public health failing collectively. Every time.

This is not a political opinion piece.

It is a public health emergency dressed as a policy debate.

And the families sitting in fertility waiting rooms across America are the ones living inside it.

CHAPTERS

00:00 The Current State of Public Health

03:02 Science, Misinformation, and Public Trust

05:30 Ethical Courage in Medicine

08:23 The Growing Burden on Clinicians

11:20 Family Creation as a Public Health Concern

13:54 How Public Health Systems Regressed

16:47 Community-Based Care as a Solution

19:35 Lessons from Recent Public Health Crises

22:21 Building a More Resilient Healthcare Future

IVF costs and access: https://ivfdaddies.com/costs

Listening in a browser? Open this in the Spotify app and hit follow. That is the only way Spotify tells you when new episodes land. No clinic deals. No referral fees. No false hope. IVF Daddies is the independent reference system for IVF, surrogacy and egg donation.

Ryan Murphy made a TV show about divorce, power, and reproductive rights. And accidentally created the most important IVF conversation mainstream America has had in years.

Kim Kardashian froze her eggs on camera. Now she is starring in a show where embryo custody becomes a weapon in a divorce. Ryan Murphy is a dad via surrogacy himself. And ALL'S FAIR just made millions of people confront something fertility clinics have been quietly avoiding for decades.

What actually happens to your embryos when a relationship ends.

Dr. Brooke Freeman and Richard Westoby go beyond the drama and into the reality.

What this episode covers:

What actually happens legally and emotionally when frozen embryos become disputed property in a divorce.

Why consent in IVF is not a formality buried in paperwork. It is the entire foundation of reproductive autonomy. And most people sign it without understanding what they agreed to.

Why the finality of certain embryo decisions is something no clinic prepares you for emotionally.

What fertility preservation actually means when your relationship status changes unexpectedly.

Why reality TV keeps touching this topic without ever explaining the part that actually matters.

Why Ryan Murphy making this show matters more than people realize and what it signals about where the cultural conversation around IVF is heading.

Hollywood opened the door.

This episode walks through it.

If you care about reproductive freedom, what you actually own when you create embryos, or why IVF consent forms deserve more than a five-minute clinic walkthrough, this conversation will change how you watch reality TV and how you approach your next fertility appointment.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction to IVF and Reality TV

02:39 Understanding Consent in Embryo Transfer

05:31 The Reality of Embryo Transfer Procedures

08:19 Personal Experiences with Embryo Custody

11:22 Fertility Preservation and Its Complexities

Listening in a browser? Open this in the Spotify app and hit follow. That is the only way Spotify tells you when new episodes land. No clinic deals. No referral fees. No false hope. IVF Daddies is the independent reference system for IVF, surrogacy and egg donation.

Something shifted. And if you were paying attention at BravoCon, you felt it.

The storylines dominating reality TV right now are not just entertainment. They are the most powerful visibility machine the LGBTQ+ community has ever had access to. And the people inside that machine are starting to understand what they are actually doing.

This episode is a conversation about that moment. The one where culture stops debating whether queer families are valid and starts simply showing them living their lives on primetime television watched by millions.

Anthony Ramos from GLAAD joins IVF Daddies to unpack what is actually happening at the intersection of celebrity culture, reality TV, and LGBTQ+ family building.

What this episode covers:

Why BravoCon 2025 was not just a fan event. It was a visibility inflection point for queer families in mainstream media.

Why reality TV is doing more for LGBTQ+ family normalization right now than legislation, litigation, or advocacy campaigns combined.

Why familiarity changes hearts in ways that arguments never can and why Bravo figured this out before anyone else.

Why the portrayal of queer families on screen is evolving faster than the institutions designed to protect them.

What authentic allyship actually looks like versus performative allyship and why the audience can tell the difference immediately.

Why celebrity influence on LGBTQ+ public perception is more powerful in 2025 than it has ever been and what that means for families navigating IVF and surrogacy right now.

What comes next for LGBTQ+ representation in media and why the momentum building in LA, New York, and Las Vegas is not slowing down.

The culture did not shift because the law changed.

The culture shifted because people finally saw themselves in the story.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction to Queer Representation in Media

02:43 The Impact of BravoCon on LGBTQ+ Visibility

05:29 Reality TV vs Traditional Media: A New Era of Representation

08:21 The Role of Reality TV in Shaping Family Narratives

11:14 Allyship and Authenticity in the LGBTQ+ Community

14:01 Challenges and Triumphs in LGBTQ+ Representation

16:45 Looking Ahead: Future of LGBTQ+ Families in Media

19:24 Reflections on Allyship and Community Support

22:17 Celebrity Influence and Personal Connections

25:08 Closing Thoughts and Future Aspirations

CONNECT

Anthony Ramos: https://www.instagram.com/anthonyramosah

GLAAD: https://glaad.org

IVF Daddies: https://www.instagram.com/ivfdaddies

Listening in a browser? Open this in the Spotify app and hit follow. That is the only way Spotify tells you when new episodes land. No clinic deals. No referral fees. No false hope. IVF Daddies is the independent reference system for IVF, surrogacy and egg donation.

Every intended parent knows the feeling. Your phone rings. Your heart stops. And in the seconds before you answer, you are already a different person than you were before.

This episode is about that moment. And every moment before and after it that the brochures, the consultations, and the success rate statistics never mention.

IVF Daddies and DADS.KIDS.MIRACLES share the unfiltered emotional reality of surrogacy. Not the polished version. The real one. The waiting. The fear. The updates that arrive at 2am. The premature birth nobody planned for. The love that rewires you permanently.

What this episode covers:

The exact moment intended parents realize this journey has changed them in ways that cannot be undone.

What the emotional rollercoaster of surrogacy actually feels like from the inside when you have no control over the most important thing in your life.

How you navigate fear and hope simultaneously when medical uncertainty becomes your daily reality.

What a premature birth does to intended parents who are already operating at the edge of everything they have.

Why letting go of control is not a mindset shift. It is a survival skill you learn the hard way.

How surrogacy reshapes your identity before the baby even arrives.

Why the bond between intended parents and surrogates is one of the most profound human connections most people will never understand from the outside.

You can decide what you do. Parenthood decides who you become.

If you are considering surrogacy, already inside a journey, or supporting someone who is, this episode will feel like someone finally said out loud the thing you have been carrying alone.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction to Family Life and Surrogacy

00:12 The Journey of Premature Birth

01:00 Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster

Listening in a browser? Open this in the Spotify app and hit follow. That is the only way Spotify tells you when new episodes land. No clinic deals. No referral fees. No false hope. IVF Daddies is the independent reference system for IVF, surrogacy and egg donation.

Your attention is not free. Every complaint, every spiral, every moment you spend feeding the wrong thought is costing you something you cannot get back.

Jorge Perez figured this out the hard way. Then he wrote a book about it. Then the celebrities started calling.

This is the conversation about what actually happens when you stop letting your mind run the show and start directing it deliberately. Not toxic positivity. Not manifesting. The actual mechanics of where attention goes and what follows it.

What this episode covers:

Why where you put your attention is where your energy grows and why most people are accidentally growing the wrong thing.

The non-complaint protocol that works in real life, in relationships, in fertility waiting rooms, and in the moments that feel completely out of your control.

Why negativity spreads through groups like a virus and what one person changing their attention does to everyone around them.

How desire and attachment are opposites and why clutching an outcome, whether a job, a relationship, or an IVF result, is often what repels it.

What grief actually requires from your attention and why most advice about moving forward gets it completely wrong.

Why the IVF and surrogacy journey is one of the most attention-depleting experiences a person can go through and what Jorge's framework does specifically for people inside it.

The writing ritual that turns frustration into clarity in under ten minutes.

What Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Patricia Velasquez have in common with every intended parent trying to hold it together during a fertility journey.

Life is great if you put your attention there.

Life is brutal if you put your attention there.

The only variable is you.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Why attention is currency

02:24 Reinvention after loss

05:19 Stress, language, and the body

08:17 The STFU Method: non-complaint in practice

10:28 Inspirations and creative triggers

12:09 Independence vs partnership

14:06 Identity and transformation

15:59 Friendships that mirror growth

19:01 Lessons from grief and acceptance

23:54 Normalizing death conversations

26:08 Grieving and moving forward

28:22 The IVF and surrogacy chapter

30:50 Tools for navigating fertility stress

37:02 Perspective as a daily practice

39:11 Desire vs attachment

47:52 Closing doors, opening hearts

GET THE BOOK

The Shut The F*** Up Method: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Shut-Fuck-Up-Method-Silence/dp/B0D57ZWRQ4

Listening in a browser? Open this in the Spotify app and hit follow. That is the only way Spotify tells you when new episodes land. No clinic deals. No referral fees. No false hope. IVF Daddies is the independent reference system for IVF, surrogacy and egg donation.

Nobody handed gay dads a parenting manual. So they wrote their own.

And what they built in the process is something the traditional parenting world did not see coming: a community, a movement, and a new definition of fatherhood that is more intentional, more visible, and more honest than anything that came before it.

Richard and David join IVF Daddies to talk about Hey Gaddies, what it actually takes to build community for LGBTQ+ families from scratch, and why the next generation of queer parents is doing something no generation before them could.

What this episode covers:

Why gay dads are uniquely positioned to rewrite parenting norms because they never had the option of defaulting to the old ones.

The real story behind Hey Gaddies, how it started, what it became, and why it exists as a movement not just a brand.

Why visibility for transgender parents is not a culture war talking point. It is a survival issue for families raising children who need to see themselves reflected somewhere.

What step-parenting looks like inside LGBTQ+ families and why the emotional complexity is rarely talked about honestly.

Why unconscious bias in parenting is not something other people have. It is something every parent carries and the ones who acknowledge it raise better humans.

Why building community as gay dads is not optional. It is the infrastructure that makes the whole journey survivable.

What Gaddy's Day is, why it needs to exist, and why the families who would celebrate it have been waiting for it their entire lives.

Why nobody is born a bigot and what that means for how we raise the next generation.

We are building role models now.

Not for a niche. For everyone.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Navigating Parenting Challenges

02:50 Creating Inclusive Spaces for Gay Dads

05:41 Building Community and Identity

08:31 The Evolution of Queer Parenting

11:25 The Role of Stepparents in Queer Families

14:15 Balancing Traditional Roles in Modern Families

16:59 Creating a Supportive Environment

19:50 The Importance of Community Connections

21:59 Building Community as Gay Dads

30:48 Navigating Step Parenting in the LGBTQ+ Community

38:03 Celebrating Transgender Parents and Representation

40:44 Unconscious Bias in Parenting

CONNECT WITH HEY GADDIES

Website: https://heygaddies.com

Newsletter: https://heygaddies.com/pages/newsletter

Instagram: @HeyGaddies

Listening in a browser? Open this in the Spotify app and hit follow. That is the only way Spotify tells you when new episodes land. No clinic deals. No referral fees. No false hope. IVF Daddies is the independent reference system for IVF, surrogacy and egg donation.

Most fertility clinics were built for straight couples. The protocols, the language, the assumptions baked into every consultation. LGBTQ+ families have been navigating a system that was not designed for them and paying full price to do it.

Dr. Said Daneshmand is done with that model.

This episode is the fertility conversation that queer families have been trying to find for years. No jargon. No assumptions. No heteronormative default setting. Just a doctor who actually understands what LGBTQ+ families need and is rebuilding fertility care around them instead of asking them to fit the existing template.

What this episode covers:

The real steps of IVF and surrogacy for gay male couples told without the clinic spin that leaves out the parts that are actually hard.

What reciprocal IVF is, how it works, and why for many lesbian couples it is not just a medical procedure but one of the most profound acts of shared parenthood possible.

Why access, cost, and transparency in fertility care still fail queer families in 2025 and what that failure actually looks like from inside a consultation room.

How egg donation and sperm donation work without the jargon that clinics use to make simple things sound complicated and expensive things sound inevitable.

Why community support for LGBTQ+ families navigating fertility is not a nice to have. It is the difference between people who make it through and people who don't.

Why equality does not stop at marriage. It starts at conception. And why the fertility industry has been slow to understand that.

This is not a sterile medical conversation.

It is a movement dressed as a podcast episode.

CHAPTERS

Auto-generated. Review in Spotify for Creators.

CONNECT WITH DR. SAID DANESHMAND

Podcast: FertiliTEA with Dr. D on Spotify

Listening in a browser? Open this in the Spotify app and hit follow. That is the only way Spotify tells you when new episodes land. No clinic deals. No referral fees. No false hope. IVF Daddies is the independent reference system for IVF, surrogacy and egg donation.