Episode 192: How Childless Women Can Navigate the Holidays Ahead

The holiday season can feel emotionally heavy when you're childless after infertility. In this episode, Lana explains why Thanksgiving and Christmas can stir up overwhelm, anxiety, numbness, and confusion when you always imagined this season with a child of your own. You'll learn how your brain and nervous system respond during this time of year, why nothing about your reaction means you're doing anything wrong, and how to feel more grounded and supported as the holidays approach.

The holidays can feel complicated when you're childless after infertility. That knot in your stomach during Thanksgiving or Christmas is not your imagination. Whether you are done with fertility treatments, still navigating IVF or IUI, or childless by circumstance, this season can shine a spotlight on the life you thought you would be living by now.

In this episode, you learn why the holidays often stir up so much emotion and why nothing about your experience means you're doing anything wrong. You'll understand how your brain and nervous system interpret this season, why old neural pathways get activated, and why your reactions are very normal for women who are childless after infertility or childless not by choice.

Inside the episode, you'll learn: • How neural pathways built during your fertility journey impact your holidays • Why unpredictability around the holidays activates your nervous system • Why numbness is normal when the season feels emotionally loaded • Why family gatherings can trigger isolation even when you're loved • How to stop blaming yourself for how you feel this time of year • How to stay grounded when traditions center around children • Why you don't have to sit out of Christmas just because you don't have kids

If you want real tools and support to help you feel more prepared and confident this year, join my free live class on Tuesday, December 16 at 11:30 AM Central:

Register here!

You deserve to feel grounded, steady, and in control of the rooms you walk into this season.

And if you want help responding to the comments people make when they don't understand your experience, download my free guide HERE! The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to Respond.

How to Feel Like You Belong Again When You Are Childless After Infertility

If you have ever walked into a room and instantly wondered where you fit, this episode is going to speak directly to you. When you are childless after infertility or you are still in the middle of your fertility journey, it can feel like everyone around you is living a chapter you hoped would be yours. Conversations about kids, family schedules and milestones can leave you feeling two inches outside the circle and unsure how to take your place in the room.

In this episode, you learn why this happens and how to reconnect with yourself so you can walk into any space with confidence and grounding. You will understand why your nervous system reacts before your mind catches up, why belonging feels harder when your story looks different, and how the lack of support after IVF failed can shape the way you show up socially. You will also hear how public conversations about infertility, including the reaction to Jennifer Aniston's story, influence the way you protect yourself in group settings.

This episode teaches you how to honor your own experience and how to show up without shrinking or pretending. You will learn four ways to lead with connection so you can feel steady and comfortable in rooms that once felt overwhelming. You will walk away knowing how to stay anchored in who you are becoming and how to trust your own voice so you can feel a sense of belonging again, even when the conversations around you do not reflect your life.

If you are ready to feel grounded in social spaces again and to rebuild a future beyond infertility that actually feels meaningful, this episode will support you every step of the way.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Thrive After Infertility - My 12 week coaching program for women who are childless after infertility and IVF

Book a Thrive Call - Ready to spend the best 45 minutes you've spent this year? Book a free Thrive Call woith me. We will get a plan together for what is next for you now that IVF is over.

Download your free guide The Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless (...and How to Respond)

Connect with me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lana.manikowski TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lana.manikowski YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lana.manikowski

I hope this episode helps you feel more grounded and more seen as you walk into the rooms that matter to you.

Have you ever walked into a room and instantly questioned whether you belonged there? That is exactly what happened to me t at the annual meeting of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) in San Antonio. I was surrounded by fertility doctors, clinic directors, psychologists, and researchers, all experts in reproductive medicine. And for a moment, that familiar voice whispered, Who do you think you are?

In this episode, I am taking you behind the scenes of what it felt like to show up as a woman who is childless after infertility in a space that rarely represents us. You will hear how I faced imposter syndrome, found my voice, and ended up speaking on stage about the one topic that almost no one else was addressing: what happens when IVF fails and you leave fertility treatment without a baby.

You will learn:

• Why imposter syndrome often shows up after infertility or IVF fails

• How to recognize the lies your brain tells you when you start something new

• The powerful shift that helped me turn self doubt into purpose

• What happened when fertility doctors lined up to thank me for speaking out

• How you can use the same coaching tools I did to quiet the voice that says you are not enough

If you have ever thought, no one will care what I have to say or I am not qualified to lead this conversation, this episode is your reminder that your story matters. You do not have to be a doctor to create change. You only need to be brave enough to show up.

Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless And How to Respond Join our community: Childless After Infertility on Skool Learn more about my coaching program: Thrive After Infertility

Whether you are sitting in a clinic waiting room or walking into a professional space wondering if you belong, this episode will remind you that your voice is needed. You are not a failed fertility patient. You are a woman who lived through what most people cannot imagine and still found the courage to keep showing up.

Episode 189 | Childless After Infertility: The Shift That Changes Everything

What if you could stop living in regret after infertility and start creating a life that feels amazing to wake up to?

In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, Lana Manikowski shares the realization that changed everything: the moment she stopped identifying as a victim of infertility and began shaping a new story for her life after IVF failed.

If you have ever wondered whether it is possible to feel fulfilled without motherhood, this episode will show you how. You will learn how to shift your mindset from loss to ownership, reconnect with your body, and rediscover your power to create joy and meaning again, even in a world that revolves around parenthood.

If you are ready to move beyond grief and step into growth, come join Childless After Infertility, Lana's new online community for women who are ready to grow beyond the pain of infertility. If you join now it is free!

Skool is a private online platform where you can connect, learn, and grow together without the noise, ads, or distractions of social media. It combines the best parts of a classroom and a community so everything we discuss stays focused and meaningful.

This is not a support group. It is a growth group for women who want to create what comes next. 👉 Join Childless After Infertility on Skool

Explore Coaching that Works: Thrive After Infertility

If you are ready for personal support, Thrive After Infertility is Lana's 12-week coaching program that helps you rebuild trust with your body, strengthen your relationships, and create meaningful milestones beyond motherhood.

📘 Free Resource: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond)

Tired of awkward questions and unsolicited advice? Get your free guide to navigate those conversations with confidence and authenticity. Download it here

🩵 In This Episode, You'll Learn

• How to stop identifying as a victim of infertility.

• Why letting go of regret is essential for healing beyond childlessness.

• The mindset shift that helps you thrive after IVF fails.

• How to find connection and purpose without motherhood.

• What makes the Childless After Infertility community different from a support group or Facebook group.

🎧 Listen and Subscribe

If you have found the content of this podcast to be helpful, please subscribe to the show and leave a review to help more women find hope and community after infertility.

Learn how to leave a podcast rating and review HERE!

When IVF Fails: How to Ask Your Fertility Clinic for the Support You Still Need

When IVF fails, it can feel like your clinic disappears but you still deserve care. In this episode, learn how to ask for what you need from your fertility doctor even after fertility treatment ends. Discover how to advocate for yourself, share resources, and help your clinic better support women who are childless after infertility.

If your fertility treatment ended without the baby you dreamed of, you are not alone and you are not forgotten.

In this episode of The So Now What Podcast, host Lana Manikowski shares how to ask for what you need from your fertility clinic or doctor even after IVF fails. Whether you are still in treatment, deciding what is next, or already navigating life without children, you will learn how to take action, reclaim your voice, and inspire change inside the fertility industry.

You will discover how to ✅ Ask for acknowledgment and emotional support from your clinic even months or years later ✅ Write a compassionate message to your IVF nurse, patient coordinator, or doctor ✅ Share what helped you heal so your feedback can support future patients ✅ Turn pain into purpose and become part of the change in fertility care for women who are childless after infertility

When fertility treatment ends without a baby, silence from your clinic can feel like abandonment. But that silence does not mean you were unimportant. It means the system is incomplete. And systems change when you speak up.

Lana offers a simple message template you can use to reach out to your clinic and invites you to take one small, brave step toward creating the care you and other women deserve.

Your story still matters. You are not invisible. You are part of the change that can make fertility care more human, compassionate, and complete.

Mentioned in this episode

• Listen to Episode 187 IVF Failed A Fertility Doctor's Thoughts About What Happens Next

• Free Guide The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to Respond

• Book a Thrive Call to create your plan for thriving after infertility

When IVF fails, both patients and doctors are left asking, "What now?" In this conversation, infertility and life coach Lana Manikowski and fertility doctor Erica Bove, MD, explore what patients wish doctors understood after failed IVF, what doctors feel but rarely say, and how to create support and meaning after infertility.

When IVF failed, you were not just handed a result. You were handed decisions with very little support. If you have ever left a fertility clinic wondering whether your fertility doctor truly saw your pain or what to do next, this episode will help you feel seen while considering the language to ask for the support you need.

In this conversation, I am joined by Erica Bove, MD, a double board certified OB GYN and Reproductive Endocrinologist at the University of Vermont. She is also the CEO and founder of Love and Science: Thriving Through Infertility. Dr. Bove has experienced both sides of treatment as a fertility doctor and as a fertility patient. Together, we explore what women wish their doctors understood after a failed IVF cycle, what doctors wish their patients knew, and how to create continuity of care when treatment ends without a baby.

• How both patients and doctors grieve when IVF does not work and why compassion on both sides matters.

• The post fertility treatment support you told me you needed most such as exit appointments, follow-up calls, therapy or coaching referrals, peer connection, and resources for life without children.

• Why many fertility doctors are not trained to deliver difficult news and how clinics can improve communication.

• How Dr. Bove coaches physicians through their own fertility journeys to help them practice with more empathy and confidence.

• Ways to redefine meaning and success after infertility so you can create a fulfilling life even if you are childless after infertility.

• You have finished fertility treatment without a baby and are unsure what comes next.

• You want to feel acknowledged and supported by your fertility doctor and your clinic.

• You are ready for community and guidance for life after infertility.

• You are a fertility professional who wants to better understand the patient experience after failed IVF.

Erica Bove, MD, is a double board-certified OB-GYN and Reproductive Endocrinologist (REI) at the University of Vermont. She is also the CEO and founder of Love and Science: Thriving Through Infertility. Dr. Bove combines an evidence-based approach with intuitive knowing in the context of a trusting relationship. She empowers professional women to build their families with confidence, self-compassion, and community. Her mission is to heal and support the healers and to create a legacy she is proud of.

• Website: loveandsciencefertility.com.

• Podcast: loveandsciencefertility.com/podcast.

• LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/erica-bove-0701a0173.

• Instagram: instagram.com/loveandsciencefertility.

• Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=61553692167183.

• Love and Science: Thriving Through Infertility. A space for both patients and doctors to find connection and support.

• Free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond).

• Thrive Call: Book your session to create a plan for what comes next.

• 00:00 Why this conversation matters when IVF fails.

• 06:30 What patients wish their fertility doctors knew.

• 18:40 How clinics can improve post treatment communication.

• 28:10 What doctors feel when IVF does not work.

• 36:15 How to find meaning and fulfillment after infertility.

You are not behind and you are not alone. Even without children, you can create a life you love and you deserve real support after treatment ends. Listen now to IVF Failed: A Fertility Doctor's Thoughts About What Comes Next.

When you're going through fertility treatments, you never imagine they will end without a baby. I didn't. I believed that if I tried hard enough, followed every step, and stayed committed, eventually I would have the child I dreamed of. But when IVF failed and motherhood didn't happen, I was completely unprepared and unsupported.

That gap, the silence that follows when treatments end without children, is why I became a member of ASRM, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, and serve in their Mental Health Providers group.

In October I am attending the ASRM annual congress with thousands of reproductive Endocrinologists, fertility doctors, IVF nurses, and fertility specialists from around the world. My mission is to make sure the voices of women who are childless after infertility are part of the conversation.

For an upcoming podcast episode I will be interviewing a fertility doctor who not only treats patients but has gone through IVF herself. This is your opportunity to shape that conversation.

✨ What do you wish you had received when you left treatments without a baby? ✨ Were you offered support, and if yes what was most helpful? ✨ If you weren't, what do you think would have made the biggest difference? ✨ And what is one question you would love me to ask a fertility doctor about life after treatment?

👉 Share your input here: Fill out the form

Your name will never be used on the podcast, but if you'd like me to thank you personally you'll have the option to share your name and email at the end.

Your experience matters. What you went through is real, and if I can help bridge your story with the professionals shaping fertility care, we can change the way life after infertility is understood and supported.

🔗 Related Episodes:

• Ep 147: Support After IVF - What Childless Women Really Want (click here to listen)

• Ep 146: Finding Closure After IVF (click here to listen)

💜 Free Resource: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond) → Click HERE!

Why does infertility feel so shameful? In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, Lana Manikowski unpacks the weight of shame after IVF fails and motherhood does not happen.

She explains why shame shows up for women who are childless not by choice, why it is optional, and how you can release it. Learn four steps to stop carrying shame so you can feel grounded, confident, and whole in the life you are creating.

If you are childless after infertility, you may know the weight of shame all too well. Shame convinces you that you are the problem. That your body failed. That you let your husband or partner down. That you disappointed your parents by not giving them grandchildren. That your family name ends with you.

Shame after infertility is common, but here is the truth most women do not realize: shame is optional.

In this episode, I share why infertility feels so shameful, how shame sneaks into your identity, and why you do not have to carry it as part of who you are. I tell my own story of IVF failing me and the moment I believed I had let everyone down. I also share the four steps that helped me rewrite that story and start living without shame.

You will learn:

• Why shame shows up after infertility and IVF fails

• The difference between facts and the shame stories your brain creates

• How to talk back to shame so it no longer runs your life

• How to choose your own headline and live into your values

• What shifts when you stop letting infertility define your worth

When you release shame, you stop shrinking in family gatherings.

You stop questioning your marriage.

You begin to walk through the world with confidence and live as the whole, worthy woman you already are.

If you are tired of carrying shame for something you never chose, this episode is for you.

Read Chapter 1 of my bestselling book, "So Now What?" HERE.

📺 Watch the replay of the World Childless Week webinar I moderated: https://youtu.be/PZz_-H9A47U?feature=shared

💌 Free Resource: The Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless (...and How to Respond) Click here to download!

Tags infertility shame IVF failed childless after infertility shame after infertility why infertility feels shameful childless not by choice IVF shame infertility and identity healing after failed IVF infertility grief and shame childless woman support IVF did not work life after infertility stop infertility shame infertility podcast living childless after IVF overcoming shame after infertility infertility and womanhood IVF journey without baby thrive after infertility

How to tell your story with pride when IVF failed and you are living childless after infertility.

When IVF fails and motherhood did not happen, it is so easy to feel like your only option is to hide. You spent years doing everything you possibly could—fertility treatments, doctors' appointments, lifestyle changes, endless waiting. You gave your body, your money, your heart, and your time to the dream of becoming a mom. And despite all of it, you find yourself living childless after infertility.

In those moments, it can feel impossible to talk about what really happened. Maybe you have learned to keep quiet because the pain feels too heavy. Maybe you are tired of comments like "You could always adopt" or "At least you can sleep in." Maybe you worry about making others uncomfortable.

But here is the truth: hiding from your infertility story will never create the life you crave.

In this episode, I share why there is nothing more beautiful than telling your story, even when IVF failed and motherhood didn't happen. I will show you how owning your infertility story changes the way you see yourself and how others see you, and how telling your story can open the door to a future that feels powerful, grounded, and deeply meaningful.

• Why you can feel proud of your infertility story even if IVF failed

• How hiding keeps you small and why telling your truth sets you free

• What life can feel like when the question "Do you have kids" no longer holds power over you

• How sharing your story helps you reconnect with your body, your friendships, and your future

You may not have the children you dreamed of, but you can still live a life that feels rich, purposeful, and joyful. Your story is not one of failure. Your story is one of strength. And there is nothing more beautiful than learning how to tell it.

• Register for my free masterclass (Wednesday 9/17): Things People Say When You Are Childless - click HERE

• Join my World Childless Week webinar (Saturday, Sept 20): Register here

• Download my free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond) click HERE.

When IVF fails and you're childless after infertility, people often try to cheer you up with "at least you can…" comments.

But what these comments really reveal is how uncomfortable our society is with sadness. In this episode, I share how a recent injury reminded me of that cultural reflex, why sadness is not a flaw, and how you can create room for both grief and growth as a childless woman.

Plus: details on my free class September 17 and my World Childless Week panel on September 20, Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman.

Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable

Have you ever been told "At least you can travel" or "At least you don't have to pay for college" after your IVF failed? If you're childless after infertility, you know how painful and dismissive these "at least you can" comments feel. People think they're comforting, but they rarely land that way.

In this week's episode of The So Now What? Podcast, I explore what these comments really mean, why they don't help, and how to stop internalizing the silent message they send — that sadness, disappointment, and grief are emotions you shouldn't feel.

You'll hear:

• Why people reach for "at least" comments and what it reveals about society's discomfort with sadness

• How my nephew's recent soccer injury reminded me of our instinct to erase someone else's sadness

• The connection between these comments and what we hear when IVF fails

• Why sadness is not a flaw but proof that something mattered to you

• How to hold both infertility grief and the good that still exists in your life

• Why rediscovering your identity as a childless woman can shift your story from loss to strength

This episode also celebrates the 4-year anniversary of The So Now What? Podcast. Four years of creating a community for women who were left without resources after fertility treatments ended without a baby.

Free Resources & Upcoming Events

• Free Class: Wednesday, Sept 17: Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond Without Spiraling or Shutting Down). Morning/afternoon in the US, evening in Europe. Register here!

• World Childless Week: Saturday, Sept 20: I'm leading a panel called Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman at 8 AM CT / 2 PM BST. Join us live or catch the replay. Register here!

• Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond) Download it for free. CLICK HERE!

☕ Help me celebrate 4 years of The "So Now What?" Podcast! If this podcast has supported you, would you leave a rating or review? Reviews help more women who are grieving infertility discover this resource.

As a thank-you, I'll send you a $5 Starbucks gift card.

👉 Here's how to claim it:

1. Follow the step-by-step directions here to leave your rating or review. Take a screenshot once your review is posted.

2. Email it to me here: [email protected]

When I receive your screenshot, I'll send you a Starbucks gift card as my thank-you for celebrating this milestone with me.

Sadness doesn't mean you're broken.

Grief after infertility is real, but it doesn't define your whole story. Listen to Episode 183: Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable to learn how to stop internalizing "at least you can" comments and start creating space for both your grief and your growth.