Negative emotions like fear or anger are part of being human. These feelings tell us something - perhaps prompting us to take action or bring about change. However, they're powerful and disruptive - and if they hang around too long or are too intense, they can take a huge toll on our happiness and wellbeing. We need to shift them... but how?

Psychologist Ethan Kross knows.

He's the author of Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You and founder of the Emotion and Self Control Lab at the University of Michigan - and shares his top science-backed tips to rein in feelings like sorrow, disappointment or rage. 

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As children we think we're at the center of the world - but as adults we need to learn to see the perspectives and problems of other people. It helps us connect with those people, but also makes us realise that our own problems aren't unique or especially awful. In short, to be happy you need to know ... How to Get Over Yourself. 

Dr Laurie hears how to stop being egocentric and start being allocentric from Bruce Hood - a professor at the University of Bristol and the author of The Science of Happiness: Seven Lessons for Living Well. 

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Perfectionism isn't just wanting to be perfect... it's the feelings of failure and shame when we simply can't perform at a superhuman level all day, every day. To be happy, we have to accept the reality that perfection is impossible. So this episode is... How to Feel Like You're Enough. 

Dr Laurie is joined by fellow recovering perfectionist Dr Ellen Hendriksen - who is a clinical psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders and author of “How to be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists”. 

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In our first "How To..." guide of 2025, Dr Laurie is asking how can we stop striving for perfection and make peace with the idea that it's ok to lead messy and "half-assed" lives. 

Oliver Burkeman (author of Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time For What Counts) explains how we can embrace imperfection and find liberation and joy in just doing our best. 

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The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy. But all too often, the darker, colder days of winter, and even the stress of preparing for the holidays themselves, can lead people to feel something else: rushed, stressed, lonely, or even hopeless. How can you make sure this year is bright?

Dr Laurie joins Dave DeSteno on his show How God Works: The Science Behind Spirituality to unpack the psychological secrets of celebrations from Christmas, to Hanukkah, to Yule, and more. They’ll also discuss how we can put that wisdom into practice, whatever our beliefs, to make this season a happier and healthier one for all.

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It's Giving Tuesday - a time when many people donate to charity (using websites like this: givingmultiplier.org/happiness). Giving money to help people makes them feel good, but it can also make you feel great too. Last year, Happiness Lab listeners gave over $100,000 to raise a whole village in Rwanda out of extreme poverty. Dr Laurie hears the stories of how we all helped transform lives in Kibobo.  

With the aid of happiness expert, Nick Epley, we explain why helping Kibobo felt so uplifting and how we can make the act of giving a daily happiness habit.   

If you want to donate money to help people in places like Kibobo - or give to any other charity you care to support - go to givingmultiplier.org/happiness.

This episode of The Happiness Lab on the joy of giving is brought to you by the 2024 Subaru Share the Love Event. From now until January 2nd, when you get a new Subaru, Subaru and its retailers will donate a minimum of $300 to charity.

To learn more, go to Subaru.com/share.

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It's the season of giving: colorful paper and shiny bows, sure, and charitable giving, too. In this special episode, Jacob Goldstein, the host of What's Your Problem, gets smart about donating.

Did you know that spending money on others makes you happier than spending money on yourself? Or that altruistic nerds have discovered four of the most impactful charities in the world (per dollar spent)? Have you ever wondered how poker players think about giving?

Dr. Laurie Santos from The Happiness Lab, Elie Hassenfeld of GiveWell, and Nate Silver and Maria Konnikova from Risky Business talk about how to maximize your giving – and why you’ll be happy you did.

Link to donate: https://givingmultiplier.org/happinesslab

Listen to The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Listen to Risky Business

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It's Happiness Lab's fifth birthday - so as part of the celebration we're playing some of Dr Laurie's favorite episodes. The final selection attracted a lot of downloads when it went out. but also made some people mad. The Introvert's Guide to Extroversion.

Jessica Pan hated social gatherings - she cried when her friends threw her a surprise birthday party, and was even too scared to give a speech at her own wedding. Jessica was a hardcore introvert - and it was making her sad.  

Extroverts find it easier to experience the joy that comes with social interactions - but that doesn't mean introverts are doomed to lives that lack such fun. Jessica read some research that suggested introverts can learn to enjoy being more outgoing - so decided to turn her social life around. 

You can read more of Jessica's story in her book: Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come:  One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes. She is posting updates from her year of extroverting at her Substack, "It'll Be Fun, They Said"  (https://jesspan.substack.com/).

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To celebrate five years of The Happiness Lab, Dr Laurie has picked out the five episodes she loves the most. And this is a special one - Nerd Out! The Happiness of Being a Fan. 

Really love a TV show; a boyband; a sci fi movie; or a celebrity? We're often too embarrassed to admit adoring some things for fear that we'll be seen as frivolous or childish - but we may be missing out on the happiness benefits that geeking out can bring.   

Dr Laurie explores the joy of fandom with Benedict Cumberbatch obsessive Tabitha Carvan, YA author Jennifer Lynn Barnes and Star Trek actor (and geek-vangelist) Wil Wheaton. 

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Happiness Lab is five years old. To mark our birthday, Dr Laurie has picked her favorite five episodes from the archive. The show Why Nostalgia Ain't So Rosy was certainly a memorable one for her.  

Actor Rob Lowe LOVES the 1980s. And who can blame him? He was one of the most famous men on the planet. But, as he tells Dr Laurie, he's careful not to wallow in nostalgia for the music, fashions and events of his youth too much - and happiness science backs him up on this.

Research suggests that our memories of the past can be very selective and highly unreliable - causing us to misremember events and cast them in a rosy glow. Sadly, this also causes us to make very bad decisions about what will make us happy in the future.

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