To some, the act of writing a memoir might seem daunting, invasive, or navel-gazing. But excavating memories, noticing patterns, and revisiting events from other points of view can lead to healing—regardless of whether your work gets published.

On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Melissa Febos. Melissa is the bestselling author of five books, including Girlhood—winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism—and a forthcoming memoir, The Dry Season. She teaches us how to create our own narrative in ways that are safe for you and empathetic of others. 

If you liked this episode check out: Carvell Wallace on Another Word for Love, How To Start Writing (with Anna Quindlen and John Dickerson), and How To Get Your Book Published

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen.

The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

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Music streaming services like Spotify offer huge libraries of songs and albums—with recommendation engines that can feel unadventurous and repetitive. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace welcomes online tastemaker and podcast host Derrick Gee to discuss the shortcomings of music streaming algorithms. And, they sit down with R.J. and Brie—two music fans from different generations—to offer up tips for finding hidden gems and obscure jams that might reinvigorate your own music-seeking journey.

Recommendations from this episode:

Internet radio: KEXP (Seattle), KALX (UC-Berkeley), NTS Radio (UK), and KVRX, “None of the Hits, All of the Time” (Austin, Texas)

Podcasts and online features: Speaks Volumes With Derrick Gee, Bandsplain, NPR’s Song of the Day

Derrick G’s playlists at derrickgee.com.

If you liked this episode check out How To Write the Perfect Breakup Song (with special guest Ben Folds). 

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

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The final installment of our series explores the conversations that most of us dread, like frank discussions of our differences or a negative performance review at work. We often anticipate that these chats will go badly—and end in hurt feelings or embarrassment—but there are proven ways to make them easier to navigate.

Host Charles Duhigg talks with psychologist Jay Van Bavel about strategies for having the hardest conversations. And: Vernā Myers, Netflix’s former vice president for inclusion strategy, tells the story of what happened inside the company after an executive was fired for using a racial slur. 

This Slate miniseries dives into the art and science of meaningful conversations, inspired by Duhigg’s bestselling book, Supercommunicators. The guides we mention in this episode can be found at charlesduhigg.com/tools/

Supercommunicators was produced by Sophie Summergrad and Derek John, who also did the sound design. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

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For most of her life, Elizabeth was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which forbids having sex outside of marriage. But she recently left the Mormon faith, and now she’s ready to have sex for the first time—at age 43. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Nicole Hardy, author of Confessions of a Latter-Day Virgin to offer Elizabeth advice that’s relevant to anyone who’s ready to tap into their sexuality later in life—but unsure how (or where! or with whom!) to start.

If you liked this episode check out: How To Orgasm, How To Make Sexual Consent Sexy, and How To Be Free of Body Shame

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

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Interviews are a time-honored way to elicit intimate insights from public figures and people in power. But at a moment when so much history is being denied or even deleted, interviewing family members and elders can be an important way to document their lives—and understand more about ourselves. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Sam Fragoso, host of the podcast Talk Easy. Sam explains what he’s learned from hundreds of longform celebrity interviews, and how he applied those lessons to sit-downs with his parents.

If you liked this episode check out: The Art of the On-Mic Interview or How To Ace an Interview

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen.

How To is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

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Why is it that we can tell someone “I’m totally fine!” and they instantly know we’re not? Gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, and other subtle nonverbal cues play a huge role in how we connect with one another. 

In this episode, host Charles Duhigg explores how we communicate without words, including a deep dive into the visual and tonal cues embedded in one of the biggest sitcoms of all time, The Big Bang Theory. 

He talks with Dr. Dustin York, a professor at Maryville University who studies nonverbal communication and worked in public relations for Barack Obama’s 2008 presidential campaign. He also sits down with Dave Goetsch, a co-executive producer and longtime writer for The Big Bang Theory, and journalist Jessica Radloff, who wrote an exhaustive book about the show. 

This Slate miniseries dives into the art and science of meaningful conversations, inspired by

Duhigg’s bestselling book, Supercommunicators. 

Supercommunicators was produced by Sophie Summergrad and Derek John, who also did the sound design. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

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May’s father nearly lost $4,000 to an online scam. How can she protect him from future fraud? On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Kathy Stokes, director of fraud prevention programs at AARP. She also runs their Fraud Watch Network. Kathy helps May rethink how she’s talking to her parents about cyber scams—and she explains steps that everyone can take to avoid becoming a crime victim.

If you or someone you know has been the victim of cyber fraud, you can contact AARP’s helpline at 877-908-3360.

Liked this episode? heck out: How To Beat Hackers at Their Own Game and How To Steal Back Your Identity

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

How To’s supervising producer is Joel Meyer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. 

Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

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Why are some people able to talk with just about anyone—about almost anything? One answer may lie in the questions we ask—and how deeply we ask them. Stick with us here…

In this episode, host Charles Duhigg examines why deep questions are so powerful and how to ask them in everyday life.

He talks to Nick Epley, psychology professor at the University of Chicago and lifelong researcher of deep questions. And we catch up with Mandy Len Catron, 10 years after she wrote the viral New York Times article “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love.”

This Slate miniseries dives into the art and science of meaningful conversations, inspired by Duhigg’s bestselling book, Supercommunicators. 

Supercommunicators was produced by Derek John and Sophie Summergrad. 

Our technical director is Merritt Jacob. 

Joel Meyer is our supervising producer.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a new miniseries inspired by Charles Duhigg’s bestseller, the former host of Slate’s How To! podcast sits down with psychologists, social scientists, and even a Hollywood writer to explore how to ask the right questions, communicate without words, and find meaningful connections in our lives.

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At nearly 40, Valerie is itching to pay off her student loans and finally become debt-free. But… how? On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Yanely Espinal, financial educator, author of Mind Your Money, and host of the Marketplace podcast Financially Inclined. Yanely breaks down the best ways to pay off your education debt without putting the rest of your life on hiatus. 

If you liked this episode check out: How To Make a Big Purchase Without Panicking

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. 

Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices