Episode discussed: Bane

After an extended strike-related hiatus, we’re back! And luckily, if you’ve forgotten where we were in the story, we’re easing you back in with a no-consequence, one-off episode. This week, Teal’c gets stung by a big ol’ gross bug, which as a result, starts turning him into more bugs. It’s a tale as old as time.

So while he’s dying, he runs into a streetwise young girl who quotes movies she should NOT have seen at her age and at that point of the 1990s, while our buddy Maybourne (from the Tollan episode) is looking for him for evil dissection purposes. But most importantly, we spend an inordinate amouunt of time discussing street toughs picking fights against huge guys, candy bars (again!), and Super Soaker models. We also take a brief detour into discussing the instrumentalisation of black bodies, and genetics, two topics we are nowhere near experts on but damn if our hearts aren’t in the right place.

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Time for some exposition!

Please be aware that in solidarity with the ongoing SAG-AFTRA strike, and following a request from the union, this podcast will go on hiatus until the strike is resolved so as to not promote the Stargate franchise for Amazon.

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This is what you want, isn’t it you sickos.

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Episode discussed: Secrets

Where to even start with this one? There are three entire plots running through this episode, and each one of them is significant. They also, appropriately, all have to do with secrets. Secret the First: Sha’re is pregnant with a goa’uld baby, and we need to find out a way to keep him out of both Apophis’ and Heru’ur’s hands without them knowing we have him. Secret the Second: somebody’s a snitch! This one nosy reporter tracks down Jack and starts asking him extremely pointed questions about how exactly he’s spending all his time over in Colorado. Secret the Third: we meet Sam’s dad, he’s a full-on general and friend of Hammond’s, and while he’s not exactly in the loop for all things gate-related, he immediately zones in on the cover story being bullshit.

So this story feels like our protagonists trying to hold water in their hands and they’re spilling it in all directions. There’s also a running theme of nepotism, as both Apophis and Jacob Carter have apparently decided exactly what their children should be doing with their lives, and in both cases our heroes aren’t happy with it. Finally, we get the best version of high-stakes Washington DC espionage you can shoot in Vancouver, as some unseen puppetmaster decides to close the lid on the upcoming scandal. It’s a lot, and virtually all of it leads to further episodes down the line! Very little of it is decidedly resolved by the end of it! Drama!

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The plot thickens, as Teal’c interrogates Epona’s First Prime to try to figure out just what is going on here, exactly.

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Episode discussed: Family

It’s your kid, Teal’c! Something’s gotta be done about your kid! That’s the gist of the news Bra’tac brings to the SGC this week. First of all, Apophis is alive (which the viewers knew but the characters only now learn), and second of all, he’s kidnapped Rya’c! This is all clearly a trap, but what are we gonna do, not save a kid? And maybe kill 9 or 10 of the very few serpent guards left in Apophis’ employ? Let’s go!

So we find that Drey’auc has moved up in the world, from a tent in the village of outcasts all the way to a lavish villa in the nice part of town. And Teal’c’s old friend, old trustworthy reliable Fro’tak, is living with her! Which is a whole situation Bra’tac has apparently heard absolutely nothing about! Anyway, Teal’c takes the news somehow even worse than you would think, nearly kills the guy, and then spends the whole rest of the episode insisting that the very obvious trap they’re falling into is not a trap at all. He’s having a bad day.

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Somehow we’ve found ourselves having to explain metal casting extreme body mod to a horse.

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The ponies from My Little Pony: famously fans of the US Air Force?

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Episode discussed: Message in a Bottle

We come back with this extremely cheap episode, where the SGC is stuck with a hell of a predicament when they find a cool alien ball which, instead of allowing Samus to turn into a ball herself, turns out to just sprout spikes and generally become a nuisance. And by nuisance I mean “stabs O’Neill straight through his entire shoulder, pins him to the wall and infects him with an alien supervirus”.

None of this stops Daniel from engaging in some hot office gossip concerning a young lieutenant who has a certain captain on his mind, and an unfortunate allergy to antibiotics. All this turns into an excuse to turn a bucket of UV paint and the regular sets and cast into 43 minutes of TV. In the grand old tradition of cheap TV sci-fi, they just talk about the problem until they stumble on the solution, which is obviously, Some Star Trek Shit. Plus, Teal’c tells a joke! We love Teal’c.

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I have to hand it to ‘em, I didn’t think I’d ever hear the phrase “Jaffa horse dogfight”.

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