JCast Network

‘The Conjuring’ is one of the most terrifying films I’ve seen in a very long time and I loved every second of it. Of course I love being scared, but only when I’m seating in a movie theatre.

Based on a true story, the film tells the tale of how world renowned paranormal investigators, Ed Warren (Patrick Wilson) and his clairvoyant wife, Lorraine (the wonderful Vera Farmiga) find themselves in one of the most horrifying case of their lives.

For those of you unfamiliar with these demonologists, the Warrens have spent years fighting evil forces. One of their most famous cases was made into a movie, entitled… ‘The Amityville Horror’.

Okay, so for those of you who aren’t sure if evil spirits are occupying your home, here’s my version of ‘Demonic Activity For Dummies’…

First stage: Infestation…Whispering, footsteps, the feeling of another presence…

Second stage: Oppression…You feel as if your will is being crushed…(that must hurt) and last, but certainly not least…

Third stage: Possession…Self explanatory…The entity has you, mind, body and soul…

Luckily Carolyn Perron (Lili Taylor) doesn’t wait for stage three to contact the Warrens.

Carolyn and her husband, Robert (Ron Livingston) live with their five daughters, in a centuries old farmhouse in Harrisville Rhode Island and she realizes that something is not quite right.

The year is 1970, so Carolyn can’t ‘google’…what do you do when you feel your house is haunted?

The Warrens arrive to investigate and immediately agree that there is a very sinister entity occupying the Perron home and the family is in grave danger.

Thanks to director James Wan (creator of ‘Saw’) what transpires is so intensely scary that you’ll be jumping out of your seat. I know I was.

Wan builds the tension slowly and has created ‘set pieces’ that delivers everything you’ve come to expect, but don’t always get, in a horror film.

Also, the script, written by Chad and Carey W. Hayes (‘The Reaping’) makes sure you care about all of these people.

The five Perron daughters played by…Joey King, Shanley Caswell, Hayley McFarland, MacKenzie Fox and newcomer Kyla Deaver are excellent.

I gave ‘The Conjuring’ which opens in theatres Friday July 19, 2013, five bagels out of five.

Check out our video for John’s thoughts and his bagel rating…HINT: He actually liked this film.

Here’s all the important things you need to know about director Guillermo del Toro’s sci-fi, action film, ‘Pacific Rim’…

Planet Earth has been invaded by the Kaiju…Super sized monsters that have risen from a portal underneath the ocean…Millions of earthlings have died and things are not looking good for humanity.

Our only hope for stopping these monstrous creatures are the Jaegers…a special type of robot which are controlled simultaneously by two pilots, whose minds are synched via a neural bridge, called ‘The Drift’.

Unfortunately, the enemy grows more powerful with each attack, so even the Jaegers are proving nearly defenseless in the face of the relentless Kaiju.

And lastly, like in most sci-fi action flicks, everything comes down to one or two dudes (or in this case, one dude, one dudess) who will try to save mankind.

So to sum up…It’s monsters vs robots…and that’s it.

Yes, the plot as well as the characterizations are thin…The film is all about the special effects and they are spectacular.

In fact, the visuals are so spectacular that they make it worth the price of admission…Especially if you are a teenage boy/gamer.

However, even though I’m very far away from that demographic, I really enjoyed this film. It was very entertaining and well cast…

Charlie Hunnam, (t.v. show ‘Sons Of Anarchy) Rinko Kikuchi (‘Babel’), Ron Perlman, Idris Elba (‘Thor), Charlie Day (‘Horrible Bosses’), Rob Kazinsky, Max Martini and Clifton Collins, Jr. do an excellent job bringing their thinly developed characters to life.

For that reason, I gave ‘Pacific Rim’ which opens in theatres, Friday July 12, 2013, 31/2 bagels out of 5. Oh and definitely see it in 3D…

Check out our video for John’s bagel rating and of course, for more of our witty banter.

So you can imagine my surprise, when I sat down to watch ‘The Lone Ranger’ and found it filled with one joke after another…and not very funny ones.

That’s right guys and girls, this is an action comedy, at least according to the press notes…And there is plenty of action…Unfortunately, for me, it wasn’t enough to save the film.

‘The Lone Ranger’ actually reminded me of this little ole movie entitled, ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean’ Strange huh?

Not really…Since the director, Gore Verbonski, also directed ‘Pirates’ and the screenwriters, Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott wrote all four movies in the franchise.

And speaking of ‘Pirates, Mr. Johnny Depp (Tonto) appeared to be channeling, Jack Sparrow. But instead of wearing a pirate’s hat on his head…he wears a dead crow.

Now, I love Johnny Depp…I think he is a very fine actor, but as Tonto, I just didn’t buy him…At times, he sounded like like a bad ‘Catskill’s comedian instead of a Native American warrior.

As for Armie Hammer, (The Lone Ranger/lawyer John Reid) was absolutely wonderful in ‘J. Edgar’ and ‘The Social Network’ but here, he comes off as just plain goofy, but I blame the writers more than him.

However, there are several characters in the film that I really enjoyed….Starting with the ‘good guys/girls’…

Silver, the Lone Ranger’s beautiful white horse, did a great job…If there’s such a thing as an Oscar for animals, Oscar, this guy should get one.

Helena Bonham Carter (Red Harrington) a Madam with an ivory leg, that shoots bullets, is a standout, as is…

James Badge Dale, who portrays, Texas Ranger, Dan Reid, our masked man’s brother.

And now for the villains…

William Fichtner (Butch Cavendish) the bad ass outlaw, who’s the Lone Ranger’s archenemy is excellent…Has that whole menacing thing down pat…

Barry Pepper (Captain Fuller) egocentric, Indian killer is spot on…and last but definitely not least…

Tom Wilkinson, (Latham Cole) a ruthless, immoral railroad executive, who loves a good cigar, a nice glass of wine, and destroying anyone who gets in his way.

The film is very long…over 21/2 hours and it isn’t until the last 15 minutes, when the ‘William Tell’ overture kicks in, that I sat up in my seat…

But, by that time, it was too late for me to give ‘The Long Ranger, which opens in theatres, Wednesday July 3, 2013, anymore than 21/1 bagels out of 5.

On paper, this film must have sounded like a great idea…Super Uptight, friendless, socially awkward, FBI Agent has to partner with a foul mouth, crass, Boston cop in order to bring down a vicious drug lord…

Add Oscar winner, Sandra Bullock and Academy Award nominee, Melissa McCarthy to the mix, plus director, Paul Feig (‘Bridesmaids’) and you have a perfect female, ‘buddy flick’. What could possibly go wrong?

Well in the case of ‘The Heat’, written by first time screenwriter, Katie Dippold, a great deal…Mainly the film, which is a comedy, just isn’t funny.

Not funny enough that is…

Melissa McCarthy (Shannon Mullins) plays the trash talking Boston cop and Sandra Bullock, (Sarah Ashburn) is the career driven, by the book, FBI agent.

Now don’t get me wrong…Melissa is one funny lady. She can crack you up with one look or tilt of her head…and Miss Bullock can do uptight, lonely and vulnerable in her sleep.

The problem lies with the script…Not only are you one step ahead of the story, but the film is extremely contrived…

It’s obvious from the get-go, that these two ladies, will wind up being BFF, by the time the credits roll.

Sarah, who is disliked by her fellow Agents, wants a promotion…bad…Her boss, (Demian Bichir) promises her one, if she can take down this big time drug lord, who operates out of Boston.

Faster than the speed of light, Agent Sarah, says so long to New York City and heads to Boston. Nothing is going to stand in her way…

Only problem is, when Sarah arrives at the Boston Police Station, to interrogate one of the drug lord’s dealers, (Spoken Reasons) she comes up against, Detective Mullins, who is anything but happy that this snooty FBI gal is encroaching on her territory.

To make matters worse, these two ladies are forced to partner with each other and well, you can figure out the rest…Let’s just say it includes a BIG girl-bonding moment with lots of drinking and dancing…Never seen that before…

The script tries hard to get the audience to care about these women. They even make Sarah a foster child and throw in a super dysfunctional family for Mullins. Jane Curtin plays her mother and Michael Rapaport is Mullins ex-con drug addict brother.

When I see a comedy, I expect to laugh. Unfortunately, with this film, I only chuckled and not more than a few times. For that reason, I gave’The Heat’ which opens in theatres, Friday, June 28th, 2013, only 2 1/2 bagels out of 5.

Check out our video for more of our thoughts, John’s rating and of course to see Mango, our beautiful Pekingnese.

First off, I was definitely not looking forward to seeing this film. I mean, I just saw the White House blown up a couple of months ago in a not so great movie entitled, ‘Olympus Has Fallen’…How could this new version be any different? …

Well, I don’t know about different, but ‘White House Down’ directed by Roland Emmerich is definitely better…In fact, it’s really, really good and that has a great deal to do with, Channing Tatum and Jamie Fox.

Tatum plays John Cale, a U.S. Capitol policeman, who is trying really hard to be a good dad to his preteen daughter, Emily (Joey King). John, in the past, had trouble holding down jobs…problems with authority and was your basic screw up.

However the guy wasn’t a complete loser…far from it. Cale completed three tours of duty in Afghanistan and during one of them, he just happened to save the life of a fellow soldier…And not just any soldier…This one is the son of the Speaker of the House (Richard Jenkins)

The Speaker repaid Cale by hiring him as a part of his security detail. However, Cale has higher aspirations…He wants to be in the secret service…and guard, President James Sawyer, (Jamie Fox) In fact, he’s applied for the job.

Which makes his daughter Emily, one very happy girl. Not only is she obsessed with politics, but thinks Sawyer is the greatest thing since i-phones. Well not really, but she really does like the man.

As a surprise, Cale arranges to take Emily on a tour of the White House which turns out to be the same day as his interview for the secret service job. Perfect right?

Not quite. During his interview, led by Secret Service Agent Carol Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal) Cale is told he just doesn’t have what it takes for the job and will never ever become an agent. In other words, she encourages him to aim lower…much lower.

But as the movie gods or in this case, screenwriter, James Vanderbilt would have it, as Cale and Emily tour the White House, all hell breaks loose.

That’s right folks, the Capitol building is bombed, the White House is invaded, and some really nasty men, led by Jason Clark, take hostages, shoot people, and blow things up…

I won’t tell you their motives or who’s behind it all, but I will say, that by the time this movie is over, John Cale won’t ever have to worry about being unemployed.

Channing Tatum and Jamie Fox play off of each other beautifully. They have great chemistry and even though bodies are dropping left and right, there is still plenty of room for humor between the two guys.

The whole cast including James Woods as the head of the President’s detail, Nicolas Wright as the funny White House Tour guide, and Rachelle LeFevre, as Cale’s ex wife are all excellent.

I gave ‘White House Down’ which opens in theatres, Friday June 28, 2013, four bagels out of five, because I was thoroughly entertained and when you see a big budget action movie, that’s exactly what you want to be.

Check out our funny video review to see what John thought and for more of our witty banter.

Nothing scares me more than zombies and that’s why I can’t get enough of them. I’ve seen every George Romero film as well as ’28 Days Later’ many, many times. Plus I own the first two seasons of ‘The Walking Dead’.

Needless to say, I was really looking forward to ‘World War Z’ and I’m happy to report, I was not disappointed…

First of all, the zombies in ‘World War Z’ are not your every day slow moving zombies…Nope, these flesh loving guys and gals can jump so high you think they’re flying. Not only that, they can run…and I mean…fast.

These zombies are definitely what I’d call…new and improved.

‘World War Z’ shot in 3D and directed by Marc Forster (‘Quantum Of Solace’) is an intense, scary and gripping film. The first 45 minutes alone will have you sitting on the edge of your seat.

That’s when we meet family man, Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt), his wife played by Mireilla Enos from the AMC tv show ‘The Killing’ and his two daughters (Sterling Jerins and Abigal Hargrove). Gerry is preparing a pancake breakfast for his family and it’s obvious, he loves being a stay at home dad.

This is one happy family…Of course, this kind of contentment can’t last for too long…Not in this kind of a film.

As Gerry and his wife drive the kids to school in downtown Philadelphia, they notice that something is not quite right. In fact, something is very, very wrong. People are viciously attacking each other and in seconds, those attacked are turning into something unrecognizable…that’s right folks… flesh eating zombies.

Gerry has only seconds to get his wife and kids off the streets and to safety. Lucky for him, he calls his old boss at the U. N. and he hears the words…’Gerry I need you’. Seems Gerry is an ex U.N. investigator who traveled all over the world as a trouble shooter. His boss promises him a safe haven for his family, if he agrees to leave them for a bit and save the world.

Gerry agrees of course. He says bye bye to his family and takes off around the globe to track down ‘Patient Zero’ and hopefully find a cure for this plague before humanity is wiped out for good.

Hey somebody has to do it and why not someone as handsome as Brad Pitt, right?

‘World War Z’ which opens in theatres, Friday June 21, 2013, is loosely based on Max Brooks novel, ‘World War Z an oral history of the Zombie Wars’. I’m sure fans of the book might be a little disappointed with the changes that were made for the movie, but personally I thought they worked.

For that reason, I gave the film 4 bagels out of 5. John however had a very different opinion, but that’s not surprising.

Superman/Clark Kent/Kal-El (Henry Cavill) is a guy with…angst…a great deal of angst. He wants to fly around the planet and save people, but thanks to his earth daddy, Jonathon Kent (Kevin Costner) he’s afraid to do that.

What? Superman afraid? Yep or maybe paranoid is a better word.

Ever since he was a boy on the farm, Clark was told by Jonathon, that the world is not ready for him. That his super powers would scare people…

And in ‘Man Of Steel’ directed by Zack Snyder (‘300’) and written by David Goyer, that certainly seems to be the case…At least for most of the film….

Which is part of the problem…Who wants to see Superman moping around, even if he is as cute as Mr. Cavill?

When we first meet Clark, he is all grown up and hiding his true self from the world. He travels around the country, working at odd jobs and keeping his powers in check, except for an occasional rescue here and there.

Through a series of flashbacks, we find out what every human on planet earth already knows…i.e. how Kal El’s biological dad, Jor-El (Russell Crowe) and mom, Lara Lor-Van, sent him to earth as a newborn baby, when they realized that Krypton was doomed. We also find out why…

The super bad-ass, General Zod (Michael Shannon, doing his usual villain thing) and his evil Kyptonian posse, hate Jor-El and a few other things that I won’t go into here, for fear of spoiling it for those folks unfamiliar with the story.

Anyway here on earth, we continue to travel back and forth to Clark’s youth…meet his mom, Martha (Diane Lane) and get glimpses into his difficult childhood in Smallville. After all, It’s hard being an alien kid, who can burn down a city with a single glance.

Of course, what would a Superman movie be without Lois Lane?. This time, Miss Lane (Amy Adams) is a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and right from the start, she knows Clark’s real identity and yes, they’re ‘hot’ for each other.

The Daily Planet’s editor, Perry White is also back and he’s played by Laurence Fishburne.

There are definitely a lot things that I enjoyed about ‘Man Of Steel’ …The scenes on Kyrpton, plus the ones between Clavill, Costner and Lane are among my favorites.

My big problem with the film is how repetitive it is…I mean how many times can you watch Superman throw Zod into a building and vice versa?. According to Snyder, many, many, many times. Guess he wanted to make sure that the audience got their $225 million dollars worth.

I gave ‘Man Of Steel’ which opens in theatres, Friday June 14, 2013 only 31/2 bagels out of 5. I really expected to like it much more than I did.

Check out our video for John’s bagel rating and of course for more of our witty banter.

I was really expecting not to like this film. I thought it would be the same old Vince Vaughn comedy that I’ve seen hundreds of times before and frankly wasn’t all that crazy about.

So I was really surprised, when I found myself laughing aloud. ‘The Internship’ is a really funny, clever and even touching film, filled with endearing characters and a theme that everyone, no matter what your age, will be able to relate to…It’s never too late to go after your dreams. Unless, of course, you’re 80 years old and want to be an astronaut or prima ballerina.

But that’s not the case in this film. Vince Vaughn plays Billy McMahon, a high energy, verbally dexterous salesman. Along with his partner and BFF, Nick Campbell, a master at soft spoken persuasion, these two can sell anything to anyone.

Unfortunately, their ways are coming to an end, thanks to the digital world. In fact when we meet them, Nick and Billy are informed by a client they’re trying to sell watches to, that their company has closed down. Who needs watches when you have a computer to tell you the time? says their boss, John Goodman.

With no job prospects in sight, Billy and Nick find themselves in a situation that a lot of people in the 40’s and 50’s face…How to reinvent yourself to fit into this new ever changing digital world?

Luckily, Billy discovers that Google is looking for interns and against all odds, they get accepted into the Google intern program.

Here’s where the movie becomes a ‘fish out of water’ story. All the other interns are under 20 and they are super brilliant, especially when it comes to technology. Something our boys are not. Plus only one team of Nooglers (interns) gets to become Googlers (Google’s paid employees)

As the interns are put through a series of tests, Billy and Nick must draw upon their crackerjack salesmanship skills, their life experiences and swagger to lead their team to victory.

‘The Internship’ written by Vince Vaughan and Jared Stern (‘The Watch’) and directed by Shawn Levy (‘Night At The Museum’) is filled with a wonderful cast of characters, including, Rose Byrne as Dana Sims, a career focused high achieving Google executive/love interst for Wilson and Josh Gad, (Headphones) a silent mentor.

I found ‘The Internship’ which opens in theatres, Friday June 7th, 2013 to be a very entertaining and uplifting film for all ages. For that reason,I gave it 4 bagels out of 5.

Of course once again, The Two Jews On Film are split. Check out our video to see what John thought about this movie and for his bagel rating.

Every son, whether conscious or unconscious, wants to impress his dad…Wants to gain his father’s respect.

In the year 222 AE (after earth), after a series of cataclysmic events forced humanity to leave earth and settle on Nova Prime, that concept still holds true.

Kitai Raige (Jaden Smith) wants desperately to be a Ranger like his dad, General Cypher Raige, (Will Smith). Cypher is not only a Ranger but he’s a super Ranger having saved the humans of Nova Prime from the planet’s fiercest alien threats…The Skrel and their nasty monster creations known as the Ursa.

But that doesn’t seem to be in the cards for Kitai. He’s just flunked his Ranger test and is hounded by guilt, from a childhood incident. Kitai doesn’t feel like he’ll ever live up to his father’s expectations.

Of course this being a movie, Kitai will soon get the chance to prove to himself and to his daddy just what kind of stuff he’s made of, when…

A spaceship carrying him and Cypher crash lands on the now quarantined Earth, killing everyone, except the two of them. Their only hope of rescue is a beacon which landed some 50 miles away from the ship.

Cypher is critically wounded so it’s up to Kitai to retrieve it.

With his dad monitoring and directing him from the ship, Kitai must face unchartered terrain, savage animals, a hostile deadly environment, and the unstoppable, Ursa who can sense human fear.

Piece of cake right?

‘After Earth’, directed and written by M. Night Shyamalan, along with Gary Whitta from a story by Will Smith works on many levels…

I liked the story, especially the concept of overcoming one’s fear as well as the depiction of a futuristic Earth. The film has a nice tension and at times, is very exciting.

Unfortunately what didn’t work for me and in fact, almost ruined the movie, was the acting of Jaden Smith. The kid acts with his eyebrows, indicates all over the place and pushes way too hard in the emotional scenes.

Having said that, I still gave ‘After Earth’ which opens in theatres Friday May 31, 2013, three and a half bagels out of five as I was entertained.

Check out our video to see what John thought and for more of our banter.

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I judge how good a comedy is, by how much I laugh, as well as how much the audience laughs…or doesn’t, as was the case last night, sitting in the theatre, watching ‘The Hangover Park 3’.

It’s been two years since our guys…Phil (Bradley Cooper), Stu (Ed Helms) and Doug (Justin Bartha) have had any encounters with strippers, weird animals, monkeys, gangsters or drugs. In fact they are all happily married and living the good life in suburbia.

The only member of the Wolf Pack who doesn’t have his life together is… Alan (Zach Galifianakis) He’s off his meds…Says and does whatever he feels like, at any given moment, no matter how inappropriate, and is driving his parents, who he still lives with… nuts.

His three buddies decide to do an intervention…which includes a trip to a mental facility in Arizona and that means…ROAD TRIP.

Which also means for our guys that normalcy is thrown out the window, replaced by complete mayhem, kidnapping, bad guys, drugs, breaking and entering, a trip to Mexico and of course to VEGAS.

What ‘The Hangover Part 3’, directed and written, once again, by Todd Phillips, along with Craig Mazin, doesn’t have is anything original or humorous.

The film, except for a change in geography, feels very similar to the first two films in the franchise…only without the laughs.

Heather Graham, Stu’s first wife makes a brief appearance and of course, Mr. Chow (Ken Jeong) is back…This time, however, he didn’t bring the funny…only the mean and nasty.

Rounding out the cast is John Goodman and Melissa McCarthy, who is the one character that does bring the comedy.

I gave ‘The Hangover Part 3’, which opens in theatres Thursday, May 23rd, 2013, only two bagels out of five…and John gave it even less.

Check out our video for more of our thoughts.

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