JCast Network

The Amazing Spider-Man, shot in 3D and directed by Mark Webb (500 Days Of Summer) is an edgy, emotional, action pack, at times, boring, movie. Yes I did use the ‘b’ word.

In this version, which is definitely in my opinion, an improvement over all the ‘Spider Man films that came before, we meet Peter Parker (Max Charles) as a young boy.

His father, (Campbell Scott) a renowned scientist and his mother, fearing that their about to killed or worse, leave their young son with his Uncle Ben (Martin Sheen) and his wife, Aunt May (Sally Fields) to raise.

We flash forward years later where Peter (Andrew Garfield) is now a skateboarder/science nerd/photographer filled with major angst. He’s an outcast in school and is constantly getting picked on by the jocks. His only friend, is the gorgeous Gwen (Emma Stone) who he secretly has the hots for.

Peter’s humiliation, however, is about to end….He finds one of his dad’s old research papers, which send him to the lab of Dr. Curt Connors (Rhys Ifans) Parker Sr’s former partner.

At the lab, Peter gets bitten by a genetically altered spider and well…the rest is history.

Watching Peter getting use to his powers is actually one of the more entertaining aspects of the film…That is, until he meets his nemesis…Not wanting to spoil anything, I’ll just call him…A VERY BIG ANGRY GREEN LIZARD MAN…

Unfortunately, the action doesn’t come until the last 40 minutes of the film and watching Peter’s awkardness with Gwen, becomes grating after a while.

But having said that, if you are a fan of this genre, ‘The Amazing Spider Man’ is definitely a ‘must see’ for you.

The special effects are great and I liked Andrew Garfield quite a lot as the high flying/jumping/crime fighting/flawed super hero.

It’s for that reason I gave ‘The Amazing Spider Man’ which opens in theatres, Wednesday July 3rd, 2012, 4 bagels out of 5.

Check out our video for John’s rating and more of our bantering. Oh, and to meet Noodle, our Diva Japanese Chin.

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I love talking animals and I have to admit, I own quite a few. Granted they’re stuffed with a vocabulary of not more than 10 words…which definitely doesn’t even come close to the vocabulary of ‘Teddy’, the foul mouth, boozing, pot smoking, oversexed bear.

Teddy, is one of the stars of Seth McFarland’s new film…’Ted’. McFarland, for those of you who aren’t into animated tv shows, is the creator of ‘Family Guy’ and ‘The Cleveland Show’

And just like these edgy sitcoms, ‘Ted’ is hysterically funny, outrageous and wonderfully politically incorrect.

When the film opens, we meet John, a lonely, awkard 8 year old, who is given a teddy bear for Xmas. Before he goes to sleep, John makes a wish for Teddy to be alive so he can have a real friend for life.

Come morning, Teddy is not only alive, but he walks, talk, eats and becomes an overnight star…Even making an appearance on the Johnny Carson show.

Well, we all know what happens to childhood stars (think Cory Feldman). They grow up and fade away and that’s exactly what happens to Teddy.

Flash forward 20 years. John (Mark Wahlberg) is 35 and still lives with Teddy. They spend their time smoking pot, drinking and watching reruns of their favorite t.v. show ‘Flash Gordon’.

John works in a rental car company while Teddy lounges around the house getting wasted. He couldn’t be happier…

Unfortunately, for him…things are soon about to change…

Lori (Mila Kunis) John’s super gorgeous, super sweet girlfriend has reached her boiling point. She wants John to grow up and get serious about their relationship….which means…

John is going to have to make a choice…Lori or Teddy.

This leads to a series of events that involve a kidnapping, a concert, a break-up and a great deal of LOL moments.

‘Ted’ which has a great supporting cast, including…Giovanni Ribisi, Alden Minchi, Jennifer Barth, Sam T. Jones (Flash Gordon) Norah Jones and a surprising cameo by Ryan Reynolds is one of the most entertaining, original comedies I’ve seen this year.

It’s a must see and that’s why I gave this film, which opens Friday, June 29th, 2012… 4 bagels out of 5…

Check out our video to see our surprise guest (Hint: Ted’s new girlfriend) and John’s surprising ‘bagel’ score.

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Most of the time, when you see a film, after you’ve read the book, you feel let down. The movie usually pales in comparison to the novel.

I am happy to report this isn’t the case with ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’

The film, shot in 3D and directed by Timur Bekmambetov (I’ve never heard of him either) is entertaining, exciting, clever and total fun.

We meet Abe Lincoln as a boy…a happy carefree boy, until one dark and stormy night, his mother is bitten by a vampire and dies. Years later, the same fate takes his dad.

Lincoln is pissed…All he wants his vengence…Translation: To kill every single vampire on planet earth…give or take one or two.

Now this proves problematic, since vampires are stronger, and faster than us humans…Plus they can fly, as well as disappear, which makes them really, really difficult to destroy.

But that doesn’t stop our young Abe. He practices and practices and eventually it pays off. Let’s just say, this is one dude that knows what to do with an ax.

We follow him into adulthood. Abe gets a job as a clerk in a General Store and then one day…

He meets a mysterious man, named Henry Sturges (Dominic Cooper) Henry hates vampires as much as Lincoln does and agrees to train him. Soon, Abe becomes…one kick-ass vampire hunter.

Because of his hatred of slavery, Lincoln gets into politics to abolish it and in case one or two of you weren’t paying attention in history class…becomes the 16th President of the U.S.

Lincoln also falls in love and marries the beautiful Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and for a while, gives up hunting. You can’t blame him, running a country does take up a lot of ones time.

Of course, due to various circumstances, Abe’s need for vengence come back stronger than ever. And this time, he has the whole Northern army behind him.

‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’ was written by Seth Grahame-Smith, who also wrote the novel. The film has the feel of a comic book/graphic novel…with Lincoln as a Super-Hero.

By the way, these vampires are nothing like the hot, sexy dudes in ‘True Blood’ or ‘The Vampire Dairies’. These bloodsuckers have long, sharp, pointy teeth and when they opened their big mouths, I jumped out of my seat more than once.

I gave ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’, which opens in theatres, Friday June 22, 2012, 4 bagels out of 5 because I thoroughly enjoyed this twist on history.

Check out our video to see John’s rating and his throughts…The guy actually liked it.

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Last year, one of my top 3 favorite films was Woody Allen’s ‘Midnight In Paris’…an exquisite homage to the magical city of lights.

Now, I’m happy to report, Woody has done it again with ‘To Rome With Love’.

He’s written and directed a quirky, satirical, funny, and beautiful film about the people who visit, live, work, fall in love and get lost in this enchanting, eternal city.

We meet famed architect, John (Alex Baldwin) who lived in Rome in his youth, and is now vacationing there.

Walking the streets of Rome, he meets a young architect student, Jack (Jessie Eisenberg) a young man, not unlike himself. As he watches Jack fall heard over heels for Monica (Ellen Page) his girlfriend, Sally’s (Greta Gerwig) dazzling, narcissistic actress friend, John relives one of his most romantically painful episodes of his own life.

Then there’s Hayley (Alison Pill) who introduces her dad Jerry (Woody Allen) a kvetching, retired Opera director and her psychiatrist mom, Phyllis (Judy Davis) to her Italian fiancee, Michaelangelo (Flavio Parenti) and his family…

When Jerry hears her father, Giancarlo (renowned tenor Fabio Armiliato) an undertaker, sing arias in the shower. Jerry clutches at the opportunity to promote Giancarlo and rejuvenate his own career.

There’s also a comic, biting, insightful story about, the price of fame, when Leopoldo (Roberto Benigni) becomes famous for…absolutely nothing.

And lastly, we meet Antonio (Alessandro Tiberi) and his new wife Milly (Alessandra Mastronardi) who have come to Rome so he can take an upscale big city job with his wealthy uncle’s law firm.

Through a series of very funny events, Antonio winds up passing off high class hooker (Penelope Cruz) as his wife and Milly gets to be romanced by a legendary movie star, Luca Salta (Antonio Albanese)

All of these people, before the film ends, will have their lives changed forever and you will leave the theatre smiling. I know I did and for that reason, I gave ‘To Rome With Love’ which opens in theatres Friday, June 22, 2012 4 1/2 bagels out of 5.

Check out our video to see John’s rating and our funny banter.

First, the perks about knowing that planet Earth will no longer exist in 21 days…

That’s right folks, it’s another ‘end of days’ movie…There were several of them in 2011 as you know. Hope someone isn’t trying to tell us something…

In this new, farewell to Mother earth film, Matilda, a 70 mile asteroid, is headed toward our planet and we have just three weeks to do…whatever the hell we want to do…before it’s all over.

Of course, for Dodge (Steve Carell) an insurance salesman, who’s spent his whole life playing it safe, that means…having some ‘me’ time, trying to fire his cleaning lady and thinking about all the women that got away…including his wife…who just left him.

His neighbor, Penny on the other hand, a spontaneous, extroverted, free spirit seems to be spending her last weeks on earth, fighting with her boyfriend (Adam Brody) and crying over not being able to join her family in England..

‘Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World’, written and directed by Lorene Scafaria (‘Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist’) is a funny, disturbing and touching film, about ordinary people dealing with…an extraordinary situation….

Dodge expects to spend the next three weeks alone in his apartment, but then two very unexpected things happen…

He winds up rescuing a dog and Penny knocks on his door with a lost letter…A letter that could alter Dodge’s future: It’s from his high-school sweetheart, Oliva, the love of his life.

When a riot breaks out around their apartment building, Dodge realizes that he must seek Olivia out before it’s too late, while Penny makes the decision to somehow return home across the seas.

Dodge promises to help Penny, (seems he knows a guy with a plane)if she’ll take him in her car to see Olivia. She agrees and off they go…Yes the dog is with them.

On the road, this odd ball couple go on a journey…a physical as well as an emotional one.

They share their personal history with each other…visit old friends…and spend time with people who all have their own unique way of handling this once in a lifetime event.

I loved this film and gave it 4 bagels out of 5. I thought about it long after I left the theatre and you will too.

Check out our video to meet our four legged star, Mango, hear John’s thoughts, more of mine and to find out his bagel rating.

‘Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World’ opens in theatres, Friday June 22, 2012.

First the good news: ‘That’s My Boy’ directed by Sean Anders, has one of the funniest opening scenes of any Adam Sandler film I’ve seen in a really long time.

The year is 1984…13 year old Donnie Berger, (an excellent Justin Weaver) rises to fame after a hot affair with his gorgeous, super sexy math teacher, Mary McGarricle, (Eva Amurri Martino).

Donnie winds up making six figures for his life story, becomes a national hero and even gets on the cover of Tiger Beat, the premier teen magazine.. Life couldn’t be better for our young stud.

However, life turns out slightly different for his baby-mama. That’s right, the potent Donnie, impregnates Ms. Mary…and she winds up getting sent to prison for 30 years.

Donnie gets custody of his son, whom he names Hans Solo, and raises him…badly…for 18 years.

Which brings us to the present…25 years after Donnie’s five minutes of fame, we find him broke, owing the IRS $42,000 and he’s about to be sent to jail for tax evasion. What is a talentless, loser to do?

Crash his son’s wedding of course.

Randy Morgan (Dan Patrick) a sleezy reality producer promises Donnie $50 grand if he can arrange a reunion between himself, his son and McGarricle, who’s still in the joint and…now looks a lot like Susan Sarandon.

This could be a big problem since…

Hans, has since changed his name to Todd, is a super successful business man, and hasn’t seen Donnie in almost ten years. He tells everyone that his parents died in an explosion. Also…

Todd is about to be married to a beautiful, controlling gold digger, named Jamie (Leighton Meester) and thanks to her charms…

Todd’s boss, Steve (Tony Orlando) has graciously invited the whole wedding party to his estate for a weekend of celebration before the big date.

Okay, so…

Donnie shows up, pretends to be his son’s long time friend and much to Todd’s chagrin…winds up the STAR of the weekend.

Everyone, including Steve’s elderly, but still horny grandma, as well as, Jamie’s straight parents (Will Forte, Rachel Dratch) and her weirdly weird Marine brother, Chad (Milo Ventimiglia)…love him.

‘That’s My Boy’ is filled with outrageous, raunchy, over the top humor…At times, the film is actually funny, in a sophmoric kind of a way…other times it’s silly, but most of the time…It’s really, really stupid.

There is something for everyone: Lots of penis jokes, nudity, sex with the elderly, sex with relatives, sex with stripers…You get the idea.

Humor is subjective and I guess, in the end, Sandler’s humor just doesn’t appeal to me. For that reason, I gave ‘That’s My Boy’ which opens in theatres, June 15, 2012, only 2 1/2 bagels out of 5.

Check out our video to see John’s thoughts and his bagel rating.

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What if you had the chance to meet the people who created you…And by you…I mean the human race. Could you resist such an opportunity?

Two brilliant scientists, the intense, religious Dr. Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and the very unspiritual Dr. Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) certainly can’t.

Not after they discover a series of cave paintings, that turn out to be a star map, left by several ancient Earth civilizations, that points to the same location in distant space. They believe that they found the planet that is home to the engineers of the human race. And Shaw and Holloway are determined to pay them a visit.

Luckily, the scientists are able to get the backing of a wealthy, visionary, Peter Weyland (an unreconizable Guy Pearce) head of Weyland Industries.

We meet the super old, Mr. W. as a hologram and not wanting to give too much away, that’s all I’ll say about him…Except for the fact, that he arranges for his ice princess daughter, Vickers (Charlize Theron) to head up the mission.

Now what would the prequel to ‘Alien’ be without an android.

This time his name is David (Michael Fassbender) and just like in the 1979 film, he’s cold, calculating, childlike and personally, I think a bit of a pervert.

For example…While the crew is in stasis, David passes the time rumaging through the mind of Dr. Shaw. Okay, he also watches the film ‘Lawrence Of Arabia’ over and over again so he can learn to mimic Peter O’Toole’s voice.

So after a two year sleep, our space travelers, which include Jarek (Idris Elba) a no nonsense captain wake up and arrive on the planet of our creators. And…

Let’s just say they’re in for a lot of surprises…Most of them are terrifying, twisted, dark and occasionally, super gross. Oh and there’s a good chance that mankind might get obilterated.

‘Prometheus’ shot in 3D is directed by the 74 year young, Sir Ridley Scott and he’s put together a film that is exciting, visually stunning and scary as hell…A film you’ll remember long after the credits roll.

I absolutely loved ‘Prometheus which opens in theatres Friday June 8, 2012 and gave it 4 1/2 bagels out of 5.

Check out our video to see what John thoughts were. Let’s just say we’re on very different planets when it comes to this film.

Okay folks, ‘Snow White’ is back and this time, she’s mad as hell and ready to kick some butt.

First off, I must ask…Did we really need two films this year about Miss White? Personally, I think one was too many.

In any case, ‘Snow White And The Huntsman’ directed by Rupert Sanders, stars Kristen Stewart as Snow, Charlize Theron, as the super evil Queen, Ravenna and Chris Helmsworth as the hunky Huntsman.

We all know the story, so I’ll be brief…

Ravenna feeds on the souls of virgins in order to maintain her youthful glow…Guess she never heard about Botox. After she kills off her hubby, the King, she locks Snow White up in a damp, dingy, dreadful basement and basically makes her subjects extremely unhappy.

One day, Ravenna’s creepy brother, Finn (Sam Spruell) drops in on Snow and it’s not for conversation. When he tries to put the moves on her, Snow stabs him and escapes…Right into the…

Dark Forest, where all kinds of nasty creatures await…

Meanwhile, back at the palace, the raging Ravenna consults with her mirror…

The mirror oozes this gold liquid which morphs into some sort of weird figure, who sounds very much like Darth Vader. He tells Ravenna that the only way she obtain immortality, is to eat Snow’s heart. Ravenna, not being a vegan, has absolutely no problem with this.

Now, Ravenna’s powers don’t work in the Dark Forest she sends The Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) after her. In all fairness, at first he balks at the assignment. But when Ravenna promises to bring back his dead wife, The Huntsman agrees…and…

We all know what happens when a goodlooking guy goes after a hot chick. He falls in love with her of course. So instead of killing Snow…the Huntsman saves her and together…and with the help of…the dwarfts, who are in no particular order…

Ian McShane, Ray Winstone, Bob Hoskins, Nick Frost and Eddie Marsan, Johnny Harris, Brian Gleeson and Toby Jones as well as an old family friend, the handsome Prince (Sam Claflin) they all band together to take down Ravenna and restore the Kingdom to its glory days.

My problem with the film is that it takes itself way too seriously. It completely lacks humor.

Charlize Theron, who is one of my favorite actresses, is way over the top. Kristen Stewart who is not one of my favorite actresses, is very bland and lacks chemistry with the two male leads.

Plus the film has several different styles going on and suffers from the…It doesn’t know what it wants to be…syndrome.

With that said, I gave ‘Snow White And The Huntsman’ 3 bagels out of 5. The film opens in theatres Friday, June 1, 2012. Check out our video to see John’s thoughts and his rating.

Okay people…They are back…

Those alien fighting dudes, in their black sport jackets, white shirts, skinny ties, shooting gadgets that can wipe your memory clean, faster than you can say ‘The Martians Are Coming’

Not only are they back, after a fifteen year absence, but…Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) and Agent J (Will Smith) are better than ever. And that’s…

Thanks to director, Barry Sonnenfeld and the screenwriters, Etan Cohen, and David Koepp, based on the comic by Lowell Cunningham the third in the franchise

The plot, without giving too much away, involves…time travel, a super grotesque alien known as Boris The Animal (Jermaine Clement) who can shoot ugly deadly spider like creatures from his various orifices…

A super adorable fifth dimension alien (aren’t they all?) named Griffin (Michael Stulberg) who is able to see several different futures all at the same time…

Andy Warhol (Bill Hader) a younger Agent K (the wonderful Josh Brolin who does a killer imitation of Tommy Lee) Emma Thomas as the head of MIB, her younger self (Alice Eva) and all sorts of fun and at times…gross things.

On an aside…I don’t think I’ll eat Chinese food for a very long time.

Anyway, to summarize…Boris escapes from his maxim security prison on the moon and he’s really, really pissed. You can’t blame him. His race has been wiped out of existence, and thanks to Agent K, he’s been locked up for over 40 years. Now, he wants one thing…Well maybe two or three…

Travel back in time to 1969, kill Agent K and with the help of his peeps, invade earth.

Luckily for K, J will do anything and everything to stop this from happening. What are partners for, right?

‘Men In Black 3’ shot in 3D, is exciting, super funny, and has exciting action and effects. But what makes this film my favorite in the franchise is that the script focuses on the relationship between Agent K and Agent J and…there’s a really nice reveal toward the end.

By the way’ MIB3 like the first two, is filled with all kinds of important information including…All models are aliens and…Well, you just have to see this film, which opens in theatres May 25, 2012, to find out the rest.

I gave ‘Men In Black 3’ 4 bagels out of 5, Check out our video to see John’s bagel rating and to see him shoot a couple of aliens.

‘Battleship’ directed by Peter Berg (Hancock) has a poorly constructed script, ridiculous dialogue, cardboard charcters and it’s really, really loud.

It does have bad ass aliens and some exciting visual effects, but that is not enough to save this $200,000,000 fiasco.

When the film opens, we find out that a group of scientists in Hawaii, have sent out a signal to Planet G whose atmosphere is similar to ours. They must have been thinking…Wow, another planet we get to ruin…Anyway to the scientists surprise, their signal is heard.

That’s right folks…The extra terrestials are coming to visit and these dudes are not your mama’s aliens.

Unfortunately before our visitors get here…we are subjected to…A really hackneyed plot and slew of boring, bland characters,including…

Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) a bad boy who’s celebrating his 26th birthday in a local bar with his big brother, Stone,(Alexander Skarsgard) a Naval Commander.

Alex overhears a girl…Samantha (the very blond Brooklyn Decker) ordering a chicken burrito…Too bad the kitchen is closed. But not to worry…Hopper is on it.

He breaks into a local convenience store, and returns with…one big fat chicken burrito. Too bad for Alex, he gets arrested before Samantha can see his six pack.

But no worries, once you give a girl food, she’s yours forever…At least according to Erich and Jon Hoeber, the writers of this mess.

Moving right along, Stone tells his brother he has to get his act together and the next thing we know…

Alex is a lieutenant in the Navy, under the command of, none other than Samantha’s father, Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson) and he’s about to participate in the annual international war games which takes place at sea on these super sized ships…(Navy men from all over the world get together to fake destroy each other).

Little did Alex know, that before two long hours are up, it would be up to him to save the world from extinction. Lucky for him, Rhianna is on his crew…and all I have to say is…why? why? why?

‘Battleship’ which got one and a half bagels from me, is based on the Hasbro naval combat game and I’d recommend buying the game and avoiding this movie…Unless you’re an eight or nine year old boy.

Check out our video to see John’s thoughts on ‘Battleship’ which opens in theatres, Friday May 18, 2012