Jem Girls Podcast

Charmed S2, E4 "The Devil's Music"

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As we all know, in the bible, the Devil (as opposed to "a" devil) went down to Georgia and played some music. Said music may or may not have been played with a fiddle. A fiddle diddle, if you will. All fiddles (but not diddles) aside the Devil's music also directly inspired Charmed, Season 2, Episode 4, which, funny enough, is titled "The Devil's Music." We assume the two are linked because it is widely known (i.e. all relevant architectural evidence points to) the Devil was joined - backup singer style - by a melodic bag of bones named Masselin, whose pitch range was matched only by the creepy length of his fingers. Masselin is also the demon-of-the-week the Charmed Ones face in this here ep, with some other orb-relevant stuff going on. Some of it not even normally relevant because our takes on (what was) recent political events are now super old. But still we gotta let the music play (as Mama Ru would say) and give you the full hour twenty minutes coverage of this truly devilish episode of Charmed, also featuring Dishwalla... But, like, dishwholla? I don't know her.

Charmed S2E3 "The Painted World"

Jem Girls

Charmed has taught us that being a powerful witch is more of a burden than anything, but in “The Painted World,” the third episode of Charmed’s second season, we learn of one plus side: having the power to truly fuck over an ex you despise.

Say you have this ex, who not only does NOT pay your telephone bills NOR your automobills, but who turns out to be an evil warlock from the pits of hell. Not only could you trap them in a dusty painting of a wretched Gothic manse for eternity, you could also design it so that said mansion spews a whole lot of fireballsin their direction at any given time, FOREVER. 

We also learn that a “benefit” of being a witch is that you can cast a “smart spell” on yourself, which would give you the super bright idea of drawing a super detailed, super unhinged pictorial representation of a swarm of sperm attacking a lady orb (aka an egg) and giving said drawing to a tween girl, passing it off as sex education. 

But what else would you expect from an episode of television directed by someone named Kevin Inch aka “Seven Inch” Kevin Inch?

Charmed S2E2 "Morality Bites"

Jem Girls

Being a good person is really annoying and inconvenient. You know this, I know this, and the Halliwell sister have to learn this harsh lesson in “Morality Bites,” the second episode of Charmed’s second season. 

What is the point of having powers if you can never use them for your own benefit? Since learning they are witches, the Halliwell sisters have had to deal with demon after demon, warlock after warlock, failed relationship after failed relationship. Don’t they deserve to at least derive some tangible (Tangella) benefit from witchcraft? 

The answer to that question is apparently “no,” and not only that--if you use your powers for your own gain, you could end up being burned at the stake by a serpentine, opportunistic politician!! Somebody call 9-1-1 cause shawty fire burning on the dance floor except this time not in a good way…

To add onto the absolute tragedies, atrocities and criminal offences that occur in this episode, Future Prue is serving crusted, busted and dusted with her dry ass blond wig. Haven’t the sisters been punished enough?!

Charmed S2E1 "Witch Trial"

The Immortal Frenemies

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We're back, baby! And better than ever! Which isn't a high bar to surpass because, as we all know, we are the podcast that refuses to grow in any form, even when we venture into the magical landscape that is season 2 of Charmed! We're starting things off strong with this little piece of 90s insanity as the Haliwell sisters battle the forces of darkness (as per sploogual) and Prue grapples with the death of a former lover. Plus all the tomfoolery you know and love this podcast for. New year, new levels of ridiculous content! Wait, so maybe we do improve... just not in the way any of our (nonexistent) listeners would like, we assume, because, again, no one is listening to this silliness. But it keeps us going! And that's half the battle.

Charmed S1E22 "Deja Vu All Over Again"

Jem Girls

At Jem Girls podcast, we have become time specialists. When it comes to time, we’ve seen and done it all. We’ve spread our cheeks and taken a pounding from father time himself. We’ve stuck our meaty rods into wormholes, blasting our cosmic seeds into the outer limits of the space-time continuum. We’ve jerked off onto calendars and spewed our loads onto sundials…need we say more? 

But this episode (the FINALE of Charmed’s first season) takes us places we’ve never been before. We got Tempus, a demon who controls time, who keeps resetting time so that an inept warlock named Rodriguez (we just call him “Rod” on this pod, tho) can kill the Charmed Ones.

We also got Morris gaying it up to unprecedented levels when he says that he wants to “back his partner” (i.e., Andy) at least three times, which we all know means he wants to back his booty hole onto Andy’s swollen member. I wouldn’t be mad if that happened on my Skrenes, that’s for sure!

Either way, this episode also marks the beginning of a short hiatus for the Immortal Frenemies. The She-E-Os of the Jem Girls Media Cumglomerate need some respite from the never-ending cumming and glomerating we do into your earballs. I’m sure your earballs could use a break, too.

Charmed S1E21 Love Hurts

The Immortal Frenemies

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We’re almost at the end of the season! Before we close out our initial season of Charmed, however, we’ve got to deal with one stalker-of-an-ex-boyfriend who has death hands!

Technically it’s Eric Foreman’s sister who has to deal with the aforementioned abuser (thanks, multiverse!) but we’re the main character of this meta-narrative so anything that’s happening in the show is actually happening to us in our real lives. So, yes, we also need to save Leo from a darklighter arrow (or something like that) before he shuffles off the mortal coil. It’s best not to think too hard about it. We certainly don’t!

Charmed S1E20 "The Power of Two"

The Immortal Frenemies

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No funny jokes or nonsensical rants today, dear listeners, because here in the Charmed fandom (Charmisphere? Charmedom? Charmography?) it's still a solemn time. We lost the apex of the Halliwell sister power triangle over the weekend, with Shannen Doherty, who of course played Prue, passing away on July 13 after a long battle with breast cancer.

All we can do is offer our sincere gratitude to the woman who ALWAYS brought the eyeballs to the Charmed party. We know we're going to lose Prue/Doherty at some point in the show's timeline, it just sucks to see that loss venture out here in the real world.

If you're torn up a bit like we are, then we hope our dumb rantings (recorded well before the news broke) will help ease the pain a bit... but more likely make it worse because we often have nothing nice to say.

Charmed S1E19 "Out of SIght"

The Immortal Frenemies

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As an ocularly-obsessed podcast we, the Immortal Frenemies/Jem Girls, strive for eyeball-inclusion at every blink of passing time (time being an eyeball, btw). And while, in this here episode of Charmed, two of the show's best supporting actors (Prue's eyeballs; they've been doing the most since day one, henny) are shunted into minor roles, we can't help but celebrate all of the other (Hakim) optical hijinx that goes down in "Out of Sight." Whirly eyeball demons? Blind people who can somehow "see" through the power of eyeless sight? Eyeball-related kidnapping? Children getting zapped and nabbed (when one's eyeballs are electrocuted, then nabbed out 'yo face)? Truly, this episode has everything we want to see on our screen(ez).

Sure, we could tell you what ACTUALLY happens in "Out of Sight," but then YOU'D be losing sight of the core message. Which is: eyeballs, eyeballs everywhere, and may the Lord (of Eyeballs, duh.) bless us with more.

Charmed, S1E18, "When Bad Warlocks Go Good"

The Jem Girls

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We are near the end of Season 1 of Charmed (yay?) and, oh mama, the sense is dissipating rapidly. Like, this here episode, lacked a lick of sense. If you brought a spider to watch "When Bad Warlocks Go Good" that arachnid would be able to sense no sense. Which is saying something, because spiders are incredibly sensical and have extra-powerful spider senses. Read that in a comic book once.

What makes this almost-the-end-of-the-season-episode especially silly? We'd say it starts with the idea that Catholic priests are somehow immune from evil, hits an unseen high during an impromptu horseback riding race, with a denouement including Prue gaslighting Phoebe and Piper into helping some guy she "has a feeling" about. Okay, a lot of that is in a standard Charmed episode but we swear, our girl Prue is really losing all reason at this point.

As always, decide for yourself! Just remember to listen and share <3

Charmed, Season 1 Episode 17: "That '70s Episode"

Jem Girls

Time, time, time, see what’s become of me…

I’m not sure this would be the JemGirls podcast if we didn’t wax poetic about the nature of time. We’ve said it before (and we’ll say it again) - time is an eyeball. You know this, I know this, your mom knows this and your aborthed fetus knows this too. This is simply the work of the Lord of Eyeballs and we’re all just players in his game. 

Because the Lord of Eyeballs makes the rules, you should never EVER fuck with time. Time travel can get real messy and can have devastating consequences for the present. I don’t need to edumacate you on this, especially if you’ve taken our seminar Time 101. 

The Halliwell sisters seem not to have gotten the memo, though, and they plunge into the bowels of time and come out the other end, way back to the 1970s when they were children and their mother and grams were still alive. They do this to stop a power-stealing warlock named Nickolas and they obviously manage to do this, just in the Nickleback of time.