Well don’t say we never give you anything. A Merry Christmas to you, and here’s your treat – an extra slice of THE XFM BREAKFAST SHOW WITH JON HOLMES. Take that look of your face. It’s a good present alright! What would you prefer, vouchers? Anyway, here it is, take it or leave it. Funnyman DOM JOLY plays a round of Band or Stupid Social Media Slang, plus we’ve got a few Christmas tidbits from the last couple of weeks – tales from the Xfm Christmas party, a brand new Christmas Cashback Quiz, Producer Dave’s gift idea for his mum, it’s all here just for you. It’s like Boxing Day leftovers, but for your ears. There’s also a wondrous poem from friend of the show John Suchet, and some ridiculous Chaff-based Kate Winslet news. Don’t say we didn’t warn you. Happy Christmas to one and all, we’ll see you back here in the New Year – and to all a good night.

This just in! Stop press – it’s THE XFM BREAKFAST SHOW WITH JON HOLMES! Breaking news this week as we were joined by the stars of Anchorman 2, WILL FERRELL and PAUL RUDD. We’ve also got an exclusive from Hendon’s Vexen Le Crowley in our regular feature Thought For The Day For Satanists, as well as an interview with the best thing about The X Factor – TOM ODELL. And speaking of The X Factor (who’d have thought that would be an Xfm topic?) Jon’s got the latest from his favourite pop-sensations/mechanically-reclaimed meat-puppets One Direction – unsurprisingly, it doesn’t end well. All this plus an editorial insight into life at home with rap’s superstar Jay Zed and internet-botherer Beyonce in the return of 99 More Realistic Problems. The Xfm Breakfast Show is back to guide you into Christmas next week - and keep your eyes open for a special, bonus Podcast with Christmas best bits coming your way soon. Aren’t you lucky? See you Monday, 6am, Xfm. Stay Classy London.

Arise, and behold the regal XFM BREAKFAST SHOW WITH JON HOLMES. This week one received a visit from a cheeky gentleman named HARRY HILL, before becoming acquainted with Hobbity-Prince MARTIN FREEMAN. In addition, one's regular Thought For The Day For Satanists was broadcast, and one inaugurated some Lazy PR. Gratitude was given to Sir Christopher de Burgh for his travel advice, and a new feature based around a mystery guest was coronated! As you will hear, Jon has been working on some impressions, and I'm sure you'll agree they're a royal success. Maybe. I think he was in a bit of a fragile mental state after Thursday night's Winter Wonderland. That might explain it. Anyway, The Xfm Breakfast Show With Jon Holmes will be back with more of the same all next week, on Xfm every weekday from 6am til 10am. Good day.

Budge along there, room for a small one, come in, come in. Welcome to THE XFM BREAKFAST SHOW WITH JON HOLMES. Lots of pint-sized treats this week; COLIN FARRELL dropped in for a short conversation, plus we squeezed a tiny bit of chat out of The Courteeners’ LIAM FRAY. Jon insulted MIRANDA HART before she gave us some maracca-based exercise tips and we offered a wee bit of help to the troubled rapper Jay-Zed. All this on top of a little visit from Top Gear’s JEREMY CLARKSON and RICHARD HAMMOND – and it seems Jon’s developed a bit of a complex…wouldn’t have expected it from the big man. Join us next week for more from the Xfm Breakfast Show, everyday from 6am til 10am.

Storm the gates! Up the revolution! RUSSELL BRAND joins us on THE XFM BREAKFAST SHOW WITH JON HOLMES to fight the power by playing a quick round of Band or Kama Sutra Position. We’ve got the regime-changing Largely Irrelevant Paper Review plus Comrade Jon really sticks it to the man (Producer Dave) after a bust-up over 90s kids show Around The Twist. And whilst the revolution will not be televised, our regular Thought For The Day For Satanists will be broadcast right into your ears. Homunculus Duff (Brand's words, not ours) Matt Dyson predicted some sports results in the wake of the collapse of the football institution, and we heard from our no doubt soon-to-be Head of Culture Tim Westwood, in Westwood’s Wise Words of Wisdom. Join us in the New Free World next week for more disobedience and protests – Weekdays from 6am, on Xfm.

Right then, me old muckas, let’s ‘ave a little knees up! This ‘ere week on THE XFM BREAKFAST SHOW WITH JON HOLMES we’ve got proper gent MICKEY FLANAGAN, alongside Producer Dave showing just how Cockney he really is. Beardy bloke BILL BAILEY came in to play a round of Band Or… and Jon confirmed his love for Keith Allen’s lovely little daughter. Plus, we help out that yank Jay Zed with 99 More Realistic Problems before we hear that old Tel Wogan probably needs a bit of help ‘imself. As ever, we’ve got our Thought For The Day For Satanists, and James and Nicky from them there MANIC STREET PREACHERS tell us why they wish they were born within the sound of the Tebay Motorway Service Station bells. Best of all, Matt Dyson explains all about the birds and the bees, and the bums, and the belfies - proper nonsense, we all had a right bubble. The XFM Breakfast Show returns on Monday at 6 o’clock, til then keep your nut down fella.

Cruel, hopeless, devoid of any sense of freedom or creativity. No, it’s not THE XFM BREAKFAST SHOW PODCAST WITH JON HOLMES, but instead the dystopian world of The Hunger Games – and this week Jon met the actress from said film (and squirrel-botherer) JENNIFER LAWRENCE. Plus JAKE BUGG and SARAH MILLICAN trekked through the wilderness of District 12 to make it into XFM HQ for a chat. State entertainment came in the form of Shaun Ryder’s new TV venture, and The Authorities faced off in the forms of Tim Westwood and Alan Titchmarsh. Elsewhere, Jon mused upon that song by The Courteeners, as is his want, and Gamemaker/Producer Dave crushed the career dreams of humble tribute Matt Dyson. News reached us that a wallaby was loose somewhere in Panem, and a review of the state’s Largely Irrelevant communications was undertaken. The Gamemakers hereby present you with an audio edition of the above, for responsible predesignated consumption. If deemed acceptable, The XFM Breakfast Show with Jon Holmes will return next week at 0600.

Interviews galore and plenty of zip-bang-crash this week, but the big news is simple – TOBY ANSTIS. Heart FM’s very own aardvark aficionado helps out Jon and Producer Dave in spectacular manner, dropping by for an extra special guest appearance. Plus decidedly appropriate chats with STEVE COOGAN, JUDE LAW and ROSS NOBLE, as well as an inappropriate one with MILES KANE. There’s firework fun and Movember tips, alongside the usual Chaff News and Largely Irrelevant Paper Review nonsense. Less usual is Jon, Matt and Producer Dave’s diversion into psychic territory – there’s an opportunity to peek inside their no doubt troubled, warped and twisted minds, live on air. Which makes a change. As did Matt Dyson's unexplained disappearance, which left newsreader Lyndsey to pick up his slack for a few days. Tune in next week for more hilarity, though we probably can’t promise any more Anstis. Apologies.

So we’ve finally arrived. Well done. Battling past stormy St Jude was an ordeal, but The XFM Breakfast Show with Jon Holmes made it through, as did sciatica-suffering DAVID BADDIEL and the bearded STEPHEN MERCHANT. And as if that wasn’t enough, Jon made a startling announcement regarding 80s Scouse singing sensation Sonia. Big news indeed. Elsewhere, Producer Dave and Matt Dyson nearly drowned, all for the amusement of the spooky ANDY NYMAN. Plus we heard from Mercury Prize winner JAMES BLAKE, who was in excruciatingly dull form, and The X-Factor’s Kingsland Road (no, us neither) nailed their flag to The XFM Breakfast Show mast. All of this and more in fabulous podcast form, available right here, right now, ideal for relieving the boredom next time your journey takes 3 times as long as normal thanks to a little bit of wind.

To those assembled to listen to PODCAST 40, take a pew. We gather here today to pay our respects, sing our hymns and to remember he who is no longer here. We are joined by esteemed company - the right honourable SIR BEN KINGSLEY is planning a music video about today’s proceedings, and the downright dishonourable JAMES CORDEN has just crept back from the lavatories after peeing on his hands. JOHN SUCHET will deliver our reading, unconventionally taken from the works of the prophet MORRISSEY, and I’m pleased to see you’ve all attended in the traditional garish shirts of late Intern Ger. Yet it is not he who we mourn today, but our loyal golden aquatic friend, MR FISH. May he rest in peas.