Journal Gently: Spiritual Formation for Christian Women

I can't wait to dive into today's guided Scripture reading with you. As I prepared it, God spoke some really powerful truths to me, and I'm sure He will do the same for you.

I encourage you to take a moment to pause and get ready, if you have not done so yet. Find a quiet place where you won't be interrupted for 5-10 minutes. Quiet your heart. And then, when you're ready, join me in the prayer as we begin.

Let's encourage one another…

Kari

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Have you ever had someone offer some sort of support or help to you that you didn't necessarily want? But you didn't know how to say no without hurting their feelings?

Today, we're talking about how to respond when someone offers help you don't need or want. In other words, how to gracefully and respectfully decline. Because, again, there are times we really do need to say no to someone's offer.

The challenge is doing it in a way that is honest, yet appreciative. We don't want to simply dismiss our friend's offer and make her feel foolish for asking in the first place. This damages the friendship and will probably push her away from us. She'll be hesitant to approach us again.

But we also don't need to be accepting offers of help from everyone about everything, especially if we are not ready for it yet or really have no need for it.

So what do you do? What do you say? Tune in and find out.

Let's encourage one another…

Kari

BIBLE VERSES:

• "Let your yes be YES. Let your no be NO." (Matthew 5:37 NLV)
• "An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship." (Proverbs 24:26 NLT)

RESOURCES:

• Downloadable Guide: How to Ask for Help When You Need It
• Episode 11: Asking For Help When You Need It

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What do you do when you offer help to a friend who is going through a difficult time, and they say "no"? How do you handle that?

I know it is so incredibly easy to take it personally when a friend turns down our offer to help. But today, I want to help you think through why they may not be in a place to accept help right now, as well as some tips that will help us respond in a healthy and God-honoring way.

Because, my friends, if we don't respond well, we will damage the relationship and push our friend away instead of creating a safe place where they can heal. It's so important that we get this right.

So listen in as I share three important ways to respond when your friend declines your offer of help.

Let's encourage one another…

Kari

VERSES:

• "When you are sad, no one else feels the pain; and when you are happy, no one else can really feel the joy." (Proverbs 14:10 ERV)
• "Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15 NLT)
• "We are also asking you to encourage those who have lost hope. Help those who are weak. Be patient with everyone." (1 Thessalonians 5:14 NIRV)

RESOURCES:

• [Guided Prayer + Meditation] Sitting with Your Friend in Her Pain
• Episode 11: Asking For Help When You Need It

CONNECT:

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We are starting a kind of mini-series where we are going to talk about how to respond in different situations. You know, some of those awkward situations that happen when we're trying to encourage and care for our friends who are hurting.

We're starting with the question, "How do I respond when someone asks me about my friend?" Specifically, your hurting friend. The one others know is going through something.

I've been in this situation so many times, and I bet you have, too. The details might be different, but the question is the same. What do I say? How much do I share?

So here a couple of guidelines I'd like to give you for when you find yourself in this situation, as well as some verbal cues you can use.

Let's encourage one another…

Kari

BIBLE VERSES

• "If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense." (Matthew 18:15 NLT)
• "If you suffer, however, it must not be for murder, stealing, making trouble, or prying into other people's affairs." (1 Peter 4:15 NLT)
• "A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence." (Proverbs 11:13 NLT)

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How many of you serve with the kids at your church in some way? How many of you at least smile and wave to the kids when you see them on Sunday?

What you may not realize is how many of those kids are coming with some type of hurt or struggle, whether physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. How can those of us in the church care for them during this time?

Here are three very powerful, but very simple things you can do to care for kids in your life who are hurting--especially as a Sunday school teacher, children's ministries volunteer, or youth leader.

Let's encourage one another…

Kari

QUOTES + RESOURCES:

• "Studies show that an hour or two a week with a safe adult in a safe place can make a huge difference in the life of a vulnerable child." (Julie Cooper, Trauma Free World, TBRI Practitioner)
• "Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood." (Fred Rogers)
• Parent Cue Live: 6 Gifts Every Kid Needs

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Welcome to our third bonus episode. In our bonus episodes, we engage with some different spiritual practices together. This is a chance for us to explore some practices we may not be familiar with, and ultimately, it's for the purpose of staying close to God so that we can share His love, care, and encouragement with those around us who are hurting.

Today, I want to share with you one of my favorite classic prayers. Sometimes we aren't comfortable with written prayers, because the words seem archaic or it doesn't always feel sincere. But sometimes the structure of having a prayer already written, and to know that you are joining others throughout the ages in praying the same things, can be really powerful.

This prayer was written by Saint Francis and it's known as the Peace Prayer or the Prayer of Saint Francis. And I find it especially poignant for our world today.

I invite you to pause whatever you're doing and set aside these next five minutes or so for God. May He speak to you even as you speak to Him.

Let's encourage one another…

Kari

PRAYER OF SAINT FRANCIS:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

BACKGROUND PIANO MUSIC:

• DappyTKeys

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Today, we are going to address the question of how to ask for help when you need it. Because, let's be honest: we all need help. Can we just admit that right off the bat? Yet asking for help can be so incredibility difficult. So I want to explore why that might be and then walk you through some questions to help you get to the point where you can very clearly and simply ask others to help you during a specific season in your life.

While today, I am speaking to those situations where we need to be willing to ask for help when we need it, you can also listen to this to remember how hard it can be for someone to ask you for help. Maybe you have a friend you know is hurting, but who struggles to let others help her. Perhaps today you can gain some insight as to why that might be.

Be sure to grab the free guide to help you work through these questions at http://lovedoesthat.org/askforhelp.

Let's encourage one another…

Kari

RESOURCE:

• Downloadable Guide: How to Ask for Help When You Need It

CONNECT WITH KARI:

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Last week, we began a really important conversation with Karen Altizer about grief, so if you haven't listened to episode 9 yet, I invite you to do that. In the first part of our conversation, Karen shares her grief story and we talk about a few different things related to grief, like how to support someone who is grieving and what that can look like.

I walked away with so many practical ideas, and I was also reminded of how important it is to talk about those who have passed away, to actually use their name and remember them. I know there are times when I've refrained from using someone's name because I didn't want to upset my friend, but now I see what a gift that can be.

In today's episode, Karen and I talk more about the grief process, including the idea of returning to church after a loss. I can't wait for you to listen.

Let's encourage one another…

Kari

CONNECT WITH KAREN:

• Facebook

RESOURCES:

• GriefShare
• Weekend of Prayer for Faith, Hope, and Life

CONNECT WITH KARI:

• Free Guide: Tips for Encouraging Others When You're Still Healing
• Shop Encouragement + Sympathy Gifts
• Facebook
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We are going to start a conversation about supporting a friend through grief. And I invited Karen Altizer to help me with this. Karen will introduce herself as we begin our chat, but I want you to know how much I appreciate Karen sharing with us.

As you know, it can be hard to have these conversations and share our own experiences, and I so appreciate Karen's vulnerability, openness, and sensitivity to the emotions and experiences that grief brings. It is just a tender conversation that I pray will bless you and minister to the grief in your own heart, and also help you better care for those around you who are hurting.

I actually split our conversation into two episodes, so today, you'll hear Karen's grief story and then learn how to offer support to someone who is grieving, misconceptions about grief, the importance of talking about a loved one and sharing memories, and how children grieve differently than adults.

Let's encourage one another…

Kari

CONNECT WITH KAREN:

• Facebook

RESOURCES:

• GriefShare
• Weekend of Prayer for Faith, Hope, and Life

CONNECT WITH KARI:

• Free Guide: Tips for Encouraging Others When You're Still Healing
• Shop Encouragement + Sympathy Gifts
• Facebook
• Instagram

We say we want to encourage others, and I completely believe that desire is within us. Yet I think one of the things that trips us up the most is that we simply aren't paying much attention to those around us. We're too busy. We're too focused on us.

And that's what I want to talk about today. How do we cultivate the habit of paying attention so that those around us who are hurting don't get overlooked?

Let's encourage one another…

Kari

QUOTES + BIBLE VERSES:

• "'What do you want me to do for you?' Jesus asked. 'My Rabbi,' the blind man said, 'I want to see!'" (Mark 10:51 NLT)
• "It may also be that they could make no good use of a word from God because of how they are living. Do they stand ready to obey and change if God directs that? Do they want to know if they are on a wrong path?" (Dallas Willard, Hearing God)
• "Sometimes I shield myself from finding out what's really going on with people for fear I'll be held responsible. Because with information often comes responsibility; if we know, we might be required to do something." (Kelly Minter, Nehemiah Bible Study)

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