[Journey To The Underground]

They say new York drinking water is some of the cleanest— don't buy it!

I saw a billboard that said 8 glasses of tap water will prevent a heart attack.

That's because it already has so much asprin in it!

Yooo! Don't drink that!

“Some of the cleanest drinking water in the country”

Then what the fuck is in the tap water in the rest of the country?!

New York tap water ain't right! It's not.

Even my brita filter is like

“Well, I'll do my best”

But it doesn't.

I drink tap water out the brita filter and I'm still like

“Well geez, I'm sleepy”

Fuck that.

I moved to New York and had to double triple my budget for water.

“New York tap water is “potable”

What doe ther even mean.

Notice it's not the word “safe” or “healthy” or “clean”

It's “potable”

Which means—

It passes for people we don't really consider people anyway.

If you can't afford a real clean water then you deserve whatever's in this mess here—

“It's potable”

Don't trust that. This is coming from the same government that tried to tell us ketchup was a vegetable.

KETCHUP IS A VEGETABLE = NEW YORK DRINKING WATER IS SAFE TO DRINK.

THIS IS THE SAME LIE.

TRANSACRIPT:

(Uncorrected, cause this is a lot of words.)

We'll see how bad it gets. Good morning Krusty crew! you guys are Kusty crew now. I'm sure at least a few of you listeners are Krusty, like my morning voice. Hello. This episode is brought to you by Amazon. I'm just kidding. They're not paying me. However, I always have like a particular difficulty, like retrieving my Amazon fresh order, and I'm pretty sure so that it's it's so that I can come back on here and be like,Yo, okay, like what the fuck is up with Amazon? And allthough I don't think they need advertising. I haven't seen an actual television and like years, but I've never seen a commercial for Amazon. I've never seen a commercial like they don't need it. They fucking totally cornered the market on every fucking thing you need. Everything. like to the point that some people are like specifically like anti-amazon, which I don't know, I think I want to pride myself on being anti-amon for a while, but really Amazon was like anti-me. They're like your identity. You're sketchy. Now, who are you? I like I couldn't I couldn't Amazon for the longest time and it caused me the greatest difficulty in my life. I was literally paying like more for everything that I needed period. There was no like there was no finagling. I just love finagling. I don't know why. There't there was no getting around it. Like I couldn't just like oh, like here's a here's a fucking alternative to Abbott, there's no alternatives. Like I found companies in the process of doing that that I do like, but like I still have to revert back to Amazon because like most of those companies are like really good, like sustainable companies and like organic companies and like even small businesses, but at the same time, because they are those things, they cost me more and so it's like I can't afford like not to do this anyway. what's going on? We get an episode today. Well, we get we get an episode. We according to this Amazon hall, by the way took two days, like I thought that I was making an order because I was well, here here it is. It's like this was my equivalent for like drunk ordering anything. I don't drink. But if there, you know, if there's like a close, you know, like, I don't know. I don't think I could actually manage to my indigenous heritage kind of grants me like a certain functionality when drinking, although there's like a level. There's like a limit. Like I go from completely functional and like cooperative to no, like very quickly. So I don't think that I could be the type of like blacked out drunk person to order on Amazon. But if I were, this is this is the order I would have made. I guess you could I guess you could kind of compare the fact that like I went out after, what, two days of not working out? I had to go run an errand and that was the worst. That was the worst. I went out in New York ugly for the first time and I went out in New York ugly for the first time in a long time because I I was like, okay, I learned my lesson. like don't be ugly in New York. So I went out ugly because I didn't care. I was like, okay, well, I have to do this fucking errand and everything was bad. Everything went wrong. Everything was bad because well, I mean like I blamed myself I wasn't working out. I think I ran like a considerable amount that day and did like maybe 15 minutes on the pelone, but it wasn't enough. because I I went out and like lights were flickering and there was I was like, what? fucking side dimension is this is not where I live? This is not the place, this is not the place. and so I went out and I had a horrible time, and when I came back, I was like, fuck it, I'm hungry. and I'm pretty sure I just did what's fucked up is damn, I meant to Google. I meant to Google whatever the fuck the thing is that you do before Passover. I'm pretty sure it's called Schchitz. Like I'm not 100% sure because I keep telling myself like I'm gonna Google that. Passover is literally like tomorrow. But also I just got rice. And I left lintils off of my I think lintils is a no, no. I think it's disputed. Like people are like lintels and oats and some people are like yes, and some people are like no. And I'm like,Yo, dude, well, I'm vegan. And a lot of Jews are not, so I mean, like can't we just like substitute, but like the whole point of schitz or whatever you call it, I need to look it up. I'm pretty sure it's Fish. Sch fits like 90% sure, but that's I mean like 90 still 90's and A. It's a low A, but it's an A. And so I think it's something close. I think it starts with the S and ends with a Z like most Jewish and or Yiddish slang terms. or words. I don't know, I love Jews. I'm obsessed with them. I've been thinking about going to like actual services on Saturdays. However, I I like I find it hard to actually move myself on Saturdays in New York. I'm like there's too much. It's too much. It's too much. I don't wanna be out. fuck this. I don't wanna go out even if it's like too a Jew church, like it might be worth it. Especially if it was like like you know, nothing like Mormon church, not in the middle of the day for five hours. Not in the middle of the day for five hours, it might be. I mean, like I don't I don't know. I don't know anything about the actual, like I don't know anything about that shit. I just have it somewhere in my body. I'm like Jew things. hello Jews. anyway. it's no secret. I love Jews. I love Mormons. I actually like all the people. especially people who practice religiously like religiously. I'm like, oho, dude, like, well, I mean like they're extremists, but they're extremists atheists. so I mean like both of like just to be an extremist in any way is wrong. I worked very, very minimally for in for an extremist vegan last year, and I'm still traumatized by it. I still like he grabbed my backpack to keep me from fucking catching the bus and which, by the way, was the day that I lost my wallet. I specifically blame that. like I blame him for that. like I dropped my wallet because he was like, oh, we have to do this or we have to do a group hug. And he like, I was like, oh, nope, my bus is coming and he grabbed the in and he grabbed the back of my backpack and like for some reason now he grabbed the back of my backpack and I was like, what the fuck you doing? He was like, we have to do a group hug. And then I was like, yo, and then I ended up running for the bus and like g getting paid and not having my wallet with me by the time I got back to my apartment, cause I was like shaking him. I was like, the fuck are you pulling on me? Now every time I get every time I get caught on something, I cuss that motherfucker out. like, I don't know. I don't know if it has any direct, like effect on him, cause like every time, every time I get caught on something, and I feel like the motion of a pull, I I just start cussing him out in my brain. I'm like,uck this dude. I hate you. But anyway, I hated him for a lot of reasons. I didn't quit that job cause he paid in cash at the end of each day. It was like he was like one of those horrible people that's like bro, I don't like and everybody knew it and everybody like tipted and walked on eggshells around this motherfucker. But like he paid in cash. He paid in cash tax free at the end of each day, so it was like, yo, if you could get through the end of each day without quitting, you get your whole paycheck today, which and he was paying like a pretty living wage like over minimum wage for New York. So I was like, okay, all right. But I think that I think that was the game. It was like I was supposed to quit because he was like he was terrible. and it was like, why haven't you quit yet? I'm like, he pays in cash. At the end of the day, like all I have to do is suffer through this fruit. however long it takes to get cash at the end of the day. Then I drop my wallet and that was a terrible thing because he paid in cash at the end of the day and I dropped my wallet and nobody's turning in a fucking wallet with a full paycheck of cash in it. So I never got that wallet back and then I well, we could call it like a draw not too long after because he he was like, why haven't you quit yet? I'm going to make you quit. I'm like, you will not make me quit. I will get paid cash at the end of this day. Cash. Anyway, anyway, it's tax free cash, daily, I'll be back. Anyw, what's going on? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Was that saying something about Amazon? Oh, extremists. I mean, like I don't I don't think that has anything to do with anything, but being extreme oh, he is extremist vegan. Like he would do mean things to you to try to make you be like oh, I give up meat completely and like veganism is one of those things where it's like it's like alcoholism. Like you have to be ready to change. You get or like ear anything, honestly. like any kind of whatever, like you can't make a person do anything until they're ready. Like you can try, but like most of the time the behavior is just gonna revert back to itself like overeating not working out not working out, like the sugar, like dietary changes, like pretty much any like major behavioral changes have to be initiated by that person for like a personal reason. Like you and even if you are going to convince them to change in some way, you have to like you have to suit them. You have to make it kind of seem like it's their idea. Like you can't just force your ideas onto somebody and be like, oh, you're you know what, you're right. Like I would change because you were this fucking mean to me. I'm like, that doesn't make actually, you know what, after a year of going out at New York, I was like, fine. And then I remembered why because I was like, it's not that bad, whatever, sweatuit and I had fucking I've been getting a lot of work done, so I had my nails like Cardi B long for a while, but then I was like, this is inefficient. if for the things that I have to do, like the amount of things that I have to do with my hands, I can get all this done quicker and then do my nails again later as's not gonna be like that big of a deal, because it, you know, like it you do just figure out a different way to do things with your hands. It's like almost like the nails aren't there, except for typing. And I type very fast and I work very fast, so I'm like, okay, like, these nails gotta go. And so they went. And so I've just been down back to bare bones and like natural hair and no makeup and like yo, yesterday, yes, because I did this twice because I was like once you do it once, I was like I was already like in the bottom of like people scowling at me and shit. So I was like, okay, well, you know, scowls, whatever, I can do this again because I have like one more errand and this dude, this kid this kid that works at the Walgreens was like, oh, I thought you were a terrorist. Like, he didn't say that, but he did. He was like he was like, I thought you were gonna lay down and like, I thought it was over. I thought you were gonna like pull out a can of C4 and blow us all up. And I was like, what? And I forgot that I was like usually like when I go out pretty people treat me nice cause duh. felt like when I go out like regular, people are like oh, like oh, like I'm like, oh, is it that bad? That's what I told the kid, cause I forgot like, I'm just so used to like, I'm still the same consciousness. I'm still the same personality on the inside like it don't matter like, you know, like I just ran here. I I'm like high on endorphins or whatever. likeT's like he was like, oh, like, oh, and I was like, oh, God, is it that bad? I have like a cone head because I'm wearing a bun, but I'm also wearing a hat and a hood, cause it's been nicely cold. It's been great and I I'm worried about the environment cause it's not raining. It's spring, like we're about the hop straight from like the dead of winter to summer and it like and I know it's almost summer because it was like 9 pm last night and the sun had just gone down. I was like, oh, that's fucked up. It's spring again. I was like no, as bad news. It's like that's bad news. It hasn't rained once. Like how are the fucking people? Like, what is the birth doing? Because I mean, like the P people are bad. Well, I mean, like no, not necessarily. I just hadn't like, honestly, the people are always the same. It's like perception, so like when I do my hour on the pelotone and my mild minimum run or whatever, and then I go out into the world, I'm like literally don't like all that shit like bounces off of me. Like the people are still shitty. I'm sure of it. but like I'm just just don't care. It's like a shield live like indoor friends feeling at my peak. That's what I feel. But lately I haven't been feeling great so I haven't been working out, so I haven't I haven't been feeling great because I haven't been working out and it is it has the possibility to be what's it called a vicious cycle, but it did it. Like I was I realized it right away that I was like, oh, this is this is wrong. This is wrong, I don't live here. I don't live here, and I had a very good hour on the pillot last night because two two days ago, I was like, oh, this is this is what happened. I went out and I came back and I was feeling like negative. I was like, no, that was a bad experience. I' hungry now because, you know, sometimes anxiety causes my stomach to churn in a way that's like just fill it with something. And I'm like, okay, usually I understand like anxiety, eating and I can avoid it. Like I understand that like, okay, this is stress or whatever. and I can like, you know, just fill my stomach with water as I'm not hungry. I'm like nervous. I'm not hungry I have anxiety. Like most of the time people eat because they're bored, not because they're hungry. And so I'm like, you know, I'm I don't I haven't I don't mind at all. And so I kind of refuse to allow myself to get bored, but like I do notice like like I eat more when I put like, okay, this this Amazon hall says to me that I'm about to make some ball music because it is the equivalent of something that's like I would have done in a state of like a different state of mind or consciousness as if I were drinking. This this like, okay, like our only emptied it pre-pisode because I was sure that I was like, oh, I know I have ice cream in here. I finally found the fucking bin and Jerry's that I wanted. I was so sick of going to the store and looking through fucking like container after container of bin and Jerry's and not finding the one that I rigid like the first one that I picked up, the first time that I decided like, I'm going to give n non-air Ben and Jerry's a try. I've tried all the other expensive fucking ice creams vegans, and I'm for the most like oh, this one's kind of got like ice chips in it's like freezer burnt tasting this one melts funny and turns into like a gelatinous goo. So I'm like okay Ben and Jerry's like knows what the fuck they're doing and they do what's fucked up about Ben and Jerry's is they're non-airy tastes and is texturized, like they regular ice cream. So it's like the closest thing to regular ice cream. I don't get paid by the way, by any of these people. However, I am like now getting into like the the likeet verse of doing things because I have to because I'm like I make too much music for people not to know about it. Like whether it's gonna be like mediocre bass music or eventually like, I don't know, the most legendary bass music of all time. I now have goals. Well, I mean, like I kind of entered into this DJ thing with like the one thing. I was like, okay, like, if I can't be this, like, what is the point of being like anything else if I can't be this good at doing that, like why would I even like and then I realized I'm like, oh, I'm doing like a house oriented sets, but like, yo, I came here for dubstep. Like, what? oh, are we going to talk about some? We have to talk about subtrronics because I can't I'm like, yo, I can't like, what? Like, I understand as a like, I'm I'm a double fan now because I okay, let's finish all these things. Don't go out in New York ugly. Just don't be ugly in New York. Just don't do it. Just try. just try. just try and New York will give you back an energy what you fucking like it's you you get out of it what you put in. Just try, try. I see people wearing less croccks now. This is good, like, but my equivalent of not wearing crocs is like yo like hair and makeup every day, like non-negotiable. Don't be ugly. I'm like, okay, all right, whatever. I get an out, that kid was like, oh, are you a terrorist? I was like, what the fuck, kid? Like, you were you were nice to me the other day. I'm the same person. I'm the same person making the same transaction, what the fuck? Anyway, so I got back from my errands feeling just totally destroyed. and I made this Amazon hall, but I thought that I was gonna eat in a few hours, whatever I was ordering instead of two days from when I was ordering, they were like, oh no, this is the next available delivery window. I was like that is a deficit to like my like, what if I don't want it two days from now? This is technically an impulse decision based on the fact that I'm reacting badly to whatever the fuck just happened outside. Actually, you know what, though. I just unpacked this fucking Amazon hall, which, by the way, I get the most expensive and non-exciting Amazon haul of all time. The only is like of all time, every time I order Amazon, I'm disappointed unless dish soap or like, I don't know, cleaning supplies. I get like a certain I'm like, yes, it's here. Lysyle has a new fucking scent that I'm just I adore it. I'm like, yo, yo, this doesn't smell like anything I've smelled before for like cleaning. It's like the fabulosa ofysol, which why haven't I just been using fabuloso? Fabuloso used to be mad cheap. Now everybody like caught on to the fact that fabuloso is one of the best multiurpose cleaners ever like of all time. No, they're not paying me either, but I don't really care. Like my whole new thing is like, my whole new thing is like everybody's like subscribe this and fucking $15 a month and like y, dude, you're sucking everybody's income out of them, like everybody who's living under a certain level of fucking like everybody who can't just buy things flat out has to buy them on a subscription and if you count up all the subscriptions like that's like the whole like the common American worker right now, like the common one, like not the, oh, I have an okay job or like, you know, you should just get an education or like, whatever you're elitist mentality makes you think that like your life and your privilege is not like your life and your privilege is your merit. That's I'm not talking about you because you skated through life on your genetics, basically, and you think that you earned what you have, but you didn't. Your grandparents and their parents did and blah, blah, blah, and your lucky that way. But the rest of us are out here like $15 a month for this $20 a month for that. and it adds up to like your entire income is like, okay, after your living expenses like you're still gonna be in like a pretty unshakable amount of debt. because you're like, okay, well, I mean, like I can't afford to do it flat out. Like if I did all these subscriptions at once, flat out, and each of them is like 200 hundred a year, if I did them all flat out, I would be like, I don't know, like at least 5K like a year just like at once. I don't have that. Most people don't have that. and so it's like, okay, well, you can break it down and this is how the businesses are fucking people. They're like oh well, I mean like you can pay for it monthly but it's actually more monthly. Like you save money if you do it yearly, but it's like oh, but if I need everything pretty much all at wants if I need everything pretty much all at once and I can't afford to do everything all at once by the year, I'm actually going to pay more doing it by the month, but I can only afford to do it by the month. So this is the thing that's like fucking with me. I'm like, oh, you guys are fucking with people. What's my point? Oh, I don't know, oh, everybody's being fucking greedy as fuck, which is is just leaving a bad taste in my mouth for humanity at all. I'm like, you greedy motherfuckers. Like, I might live this life in an in an ideal way for now, but it is a temporary space of like discomfort in order for me to observe and understand, like, how better my energy can be suited in the next don't I don't. I mean, like my next incarnation needs to be like a body list, like orb of air and light. Like that's I don't want another like human body, because first of all the planet is like unless you guys find like another habitable planet. and like, I'm not in the I'm not in the fucking level yet where they're gonna be like, oh, like you're fucking worth saving, like we'll take you to our like, we'll take you to our Elysium in space, where only the elite people and the people that we deem worthy will be here and we'll leave like pretty much Hollywood's been telling us forever. They're like, yo, we're gonna leave all the poor ugly, colored people on this planet. and like, when this planet is like destroyed by it by pretty much our doing. And we're gonna like float on some kind of system and space because we have no idea for like a second, like a close enough habitable planet for us to then, like just move on to, like, I don't care what you say, like repopulating Mars is dumb. It is dumb. It is dumb. It's not a fucking it's not a happy place. Like because at one point, because at one point it was a habitable planet. And guess what? we're we're pretty destructive species. It's just historically and like beyond historically, because typically once we destroy ourselves, like as a species, all of our knowledge all of our knowledge and records are destroyed with us. So we have this like, we have this sense of knowing within our like within our mega that's like, oh, if something happened here. But what? And some people have actually access to that within their minds and within their consciousness. It's like, oh yeah, it's like, like, yeah, a lot ofass music producers are like, what, you think I'm from here? I don't give a fuck about this. I don't give a fuck about this. I'm like, I get it. Like this is just for now. This is just for now. I might be included in this, but also I'm like, yo, dude, like I'm pretty environmental when it comes down to like this planet is, you know, anyway. was I just saying, don't be ugly in New York. Oh, okay, so I made this Amazon fucking hall, like a drunk fucking person. Although, like a drunk person, I was kind of looking out for my future self because there's a lot of stable, like there's a lot of pantry staples in here that's like, bro, you won' run out of food. like you might have rice blowat, but you won't run out of food because sometimes I do sometimes I spring so much for the organic and for the like for the like vitamin packs, like superfoods they call it superfoods, but those are just regular foods. Like if you strip down all the foods that are not foods, like all the foods that are actually just like chemical and overprocessed, like if you took all those things off the planet, because they shouldn't exist really anyway. Like you would be left with what they call superfoods or what they market as superfoods that are actually just foods. like, no, these are the foods that you were technically like designed to eat. These are the foods that will fuel your energy for whatever the fuck you have to take on. This is the food that you're like you're made to eat. But they call it superfoods and market it as such and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just got bored. Anyway, what the fuck was that saying? Oh, I took I had like had a hand and creating my next masterpiece. Because I got things that I typically don't. I'm I don't fuck with things like that, like snack foods. But as I said before, like we're not produced that snack, I really do, and I haven't been snacking because I'm like, oh dude, like it's not worth it. I'm I'm New York vein like also have these DJs are just like so skinny, and I'm just like, oh, this body shaving, you can't say that or. I'm like, no, like I aspire to be that. so that people actually pay attention not for what I'm doing, but how I look. So trust me, I'm assimilating. I really am. Oh, which, by the way, I have a discord now. I don't know what the fuck it's for. I have no idea I also have a twitch. I have a twitch. There's nothing on it. I have I have pretty much everything. I even got a Snapchat. I haven't had a sn Snapchat since Ollie died because Ollie was my only sn Snapchat friend as it I have a sn Snapchat. This is all for music though. It's not like when I think about it, I'm like oh, this is the dumbest fucking shit ever and I'm do it when I'm fucking I'm actually figuring out like I'm using like I have TikTok eww and well what's great about it is I am using it like as a business tool so I'm not stuck on the shit like I'm not I am scrolling now, but not I'm like what's weird is like my energy is like looking for something. I'm like oh like okay, like this DJ posted something or like this might want a free copy of my fucking of my music to play or whatever. So I should hit them up. Like as I'm using it as a business platform more than like a social platform because I'm just not just not a social person. It doesn't make sense to be, but now I'm understanding like with the feedback that I'm getting that like, oh, this is how you do it. Like I'm not gonna get a job in this industry unless I assimilate to like what I'm hoping doesn't happen is that I assimilate too much because now all of a sudden I'm like I should get a vape I should get a vape like all the kind that I like are illegal in New York. And I'm actually really proud of the fact that I quit vaping when I got here like when I got here because I was thinking that I was traveling outside of the country and like I didn't want to be like I don't know, traveling outside of the US makes me feel like I'm an ambassador for my country so I don't want to represent my country badly. However, I feel like the actual chosen representatives of the country are not doing like the greatest job. so it doesn't matter what I do like because they are technically the ambassadors to this country like they like I'm pretty much aware like a stamp on my head that has their fucking face and or name on it when I go outside the country anyway I don't know I I usually try to assimilate in that way when I travel outside of the country like learn to speak like you're not American because most countries have an opinion about that. They're like oh you're an American deer, they're you're stupid. I'm like I'm not arguing. How many miles is a kilometer? Can you translate this before we hold up? Let me get Google translate? I'm I'm American, man. I'm American to the point where I have the fucking math doesn't make sense. Like it doesn't make sense. Apple pie, I yeah, apple pie. However, though, I realized because of this, and my indigenous heritage, I have kind of like a like a weird, I don't know, I can't I amm not sure. Like I think because of the way that I've decided to craft my lifestyle, I have like kind of an upperhand advantage at like understanding culture, like understanding culture just culturally, like what has happened from like the inside of the like the like the corporate, like conglomerate capitalists, like like set epicenter. Well, I don't know. I've been reading enough about China to be like wow, China. Also, I't I'm loving this. I'm getting I'm getting feedback on my fucking like my what's it called? My stats or whatever. And I don't have a lot of fans and followers, which is sad, which by the way, if you're listening to this, like check check out my other big gold check out the YouTube. It's at the festival project by the way YouTube YouTubeube.com slash at because it's weird that they have like for their backslashes, but it's at the festival project I'm the festival project. There's a whole bunch of people trying to really like I've been telling people that my project is the festival project for a while and now all these people are coming out of nowhere like I'm the festival project. I'm like, you are not. Like, you are not the festival project. Stop lying on yourself. I'm the festival project. I've always been the festival project, at the festival project, that's me, not anybody else. That's you, technically, like the letter you, with no check mark because I'm not paying for that shit. Would I become notable enough to have a Wikipedia page, they'll put the fucking check mark on it for me. I ain't paying for it. I'm paying for it the fuck that like that's like you could buy a grabby award now. I'm sure that you can. I' 100% sure that you could do that. Which is sad and it's likeo, dude, I actually like I what's it? I I don't know. I think I come from a weird world where it's like I hold the academy to like such high regard that it's like I'm like the fact that I'm like pretty certain that you could buy a Grammy makes me sad because it's like like I don't know this whole oh, that's what I was saying. I'm giving away all my shit for free because everybody's greedy motherfuckers. Like I'm giving away my music for free like the album that I dropped yesterday all the rage is 100% free. All you have to do is go on my website and download it. That's it like you don't even have to spend money on a subscription for a streaming service like you could just go get that at my website www.mU.uru. That's the website you can just download whatever the fuck I haven't put all my music up there because honestly I'm I'm realizing how much music I have and like how long I've been making music and I'm like, oh you're like oh okay, first of all, I'm like it's gonna be it's hard it's hard enough for me to just format it and put it on a flash drive just to like have all my music together because I've made it over time and so the expand it it's just a lot like it's just a lot all my music's not in one place, all my mixtapes are not in one place. I just got to sound cloudy yesterday. I only got a SoundCloud to enter a fucking beat making contests the first time I've ever done anything like that like I've entered DJ contests so I can try to get a job, but I've never done a beat making contest, so I've never had to actually like condense my creative space into like a one minute thing. And so, I don't know, I really enjoyed doing that, but it's not something that I was looking at the other contest, they were like, it's for a clout. I'm like, that's stupid. I don't want to waste time on clout. Cloths not gonna pay my bills, anyhho. Clout. Oh, what was I saying? Oh, I was supposed to talk about subtrronics, my Galypes, refrigerator. These Ecuadorian bananas. Okay, I have a like I eat a lot of bananas because bananas and for whatever reason, if found bananas like synonymous with New York City, I always have even before before I lived here, I think it's just because it was like the cheapest thing that I could find is like bananas like bananas. That's what I gonna eat bananas. So I always just kind of like for some reason it was like, oh, from in New York, I need bananas. Now I live in New York and I'm like I see why. But now I'm like my flavor palate is changing to be more specific and so I'm like a banana connoisseur, but I finally like I landed on a I landed on bananas. I landed on bananas that I just love so much. First of all, they're huge, they're huge. I also like these really tiny bananas that are like sweet and little and like they have a very specific taste, and I like the red ones, and yo, that lady when I lived in Mexico, she was so elusive, like she came she was the only lady in the whole place with red bananas and like these red, these really tiny red bananas have like the like they're the best bananas I've ever tried. But the second bananas, the second best bananas I've ever tried are Ecuadorian bananas. and I'm like, yo, dude, first of all, they are huge. Like they're big thick, they're like big, they're big and they're d they're big, big, perfectly sized bananas. good girth. good, nice, just good bananas. They're huge. and uh I don't know, like I started going to the store and then I stopped going to it because rac is oops, I'm not supposed to say that. I I just realize something. I realize something about the world like that you can't even you can't even insinuate like a conversation about race. Like people people will get like people start to get upset, like one way or another. Like I said, extremism on both sides exists. I don't like I can't I'm I'm post racial. Like I can't pick a side anyway like you're gonna put me on one side or another based on your perception of who I am or what I do but like I'm completely like I'm like literally the most neutral thing that ever like literally the most neutral thing that ever. And so what was I just saying, oh, I don't know, I went into a hole. Acuadorian bananas. We'll just we'll just re her back to Acuadorian bananas. Yes, extremism, no. Ecuadorian bananas, yes. They are the best. They are the best, and not only is the size perfect, but the flavor of the banana is just a little bit different from like Guatemalan bananas or Mexican bananas, like no, Ecuadorian bananas. And so now I've gotten into the habit of like, I found another store that has Ecuadorian bananas, thank goodness, because like when I stopped going to the other store, I was like god damn it, they have the Ecuadorian bananas. like that was the one thing from there that I liked and the Uber pancakes. But we'll it's okay. That controversial episode, which I'm like, what's it called? referencing may or may not er. I need to it's like a twohour episode that I did in an emotional kind of turmoil. I need to check that episode to see if I want to air it. It might it might not. Like it could just be like deleted, because I felt like it was forced. I was like why are you try why are you trying to make me act out of my fucking character? Fuck you. Like I don't like when people try to force things. So that sometimes happens where people will come out of the woodwork and be like, talk about this experience. And I'm like, "Yo, dude, you just cornered me into making me feel like unsafe and not great. I don't necessarily and then it was like the energy was like, okay, I have to talk about this, but I didn't like the way that it made me feel. So the fact that it felt forced was like eh but I definitely earned that next tattoo. I'm I'm behind on tattoos I have two tattoos that I have to get it. I definitely earn that one. I earn that one with the help of Erica body, but I'll explain that in some in the multiverse and legends things later. I don't understand how things work sometimes in the universe, but that was one of those things I was like this is this is not even a synchronicity. This is like a this is an experience. We'll see if that episode's worth posting, but either way, I in the tattoo, I earn the tattoo beforehand, that was just the solidification, I think. Anyhho. what the fuck is I say? Ah, Ecuore bananas, yes, yes. Because it makes me think like like, if their bananas are like this, what are their women like? Like, I could give no fucks about the men. I'm not a lesbian, but like, I'm thinking in the way of like a I'm thinking in the masculine way that's like, you know, if they're bananas tastes like this, like, what are their women like Ecuadorian bananas? I think about that, because I'm like yod dude, like my taste profile is based on my diet. So, if these bananas come from Euador, like, what else comes from Ecuador that's fucking perfect. probably women. I don't believe in perfect men. I mean, like perfect looking, sure, perfect acting, sure, a combination of these things to together, rare, but like a per perfect women exist all over the place. Like perfect men. I don't think is a thing. I don't think it is. And that's not me being sexist or like because honestly, if you listen to the way that I speak, like being like a I don't have a preference for gender, just don't be a fucking sh shit hole of a human being. Like I don't care what you are, how you are, like just be cool, you know, like B peaceful and mind your manners and shut the fuck up. I mean like I'm not trying to silence people, but like be mindful of your environment. You know what I'm saying? Be mindful of people around you because there are so many there so many. And you are the focus I to try to say Acuadorian bananas, yes, as good. Are we ready to talk about subronics? Did I talk about all my websites and stuff? We have a discord. It's I think you can find me on discord at blue the guru and it's the same on twitch. I haven't posted anything to twitch yet. I did. I did tape a couple of my performances, but they were horrible. They were horrible and honestly they were just so that I could enter a contest so I could try to get a job. Like that was it. I did that. I was like, well, I have to do something because you you miss 100% percent of the chances you don't take. I believe truly in that so like I would rather enter something that's like mediocre and at least be on the radar and be like, hey, I'm trying. Like I'm really trying with all the things that like all the things that I'm going through and all the work that I have to do like I'm at least trying to get my work seen and I'm at least trying to put it out there and like, you know, the odds of me winning at something like that, especially if it is last minute and it is like mediocre and I know it's not my best performance, which, by the way, I think okay, people really like, oh, this is what I was saying about my audience. One, people really like talkatoo. That's one of my first actual productions, okay? It has almost no technique whatsoever. Well, it does, and I I did work like really hard on it, but like yo, I made that song in a tree, literally a tree, like like a tree. People like this song. It's for some reason gotten really popular, like no out of nowhere. Like people are like this song. I'm like, really? I made that in a tree with no plugins, no I'm pretty sure it's all stock samples. People love it. People love that song, but honestly it is one of my like it is it like it mixes with everything, talking to like if you need like a filler song and I think it is long enough that's like, yo, dude. Like, if you need to go to the bathroom or whatever, like this song is like the song rocks. And honestly, I don't know why that well, I mean, like that song is special. It was the first song I ever heard played back on a system at a festival. because I was like, like here's my music, whatever. And I didn't expect because the DJ was like,, you suck. And I was like, and just be just looking at me because I like ran up during a fucking uh, like a power outage at this fucking rave. I was like, yo, like this this might be the only time that I could actually talk to the you you miss 100% of the chances you don't take. So I was like, okay, like, this might be the only time I could talk to this guy. The power just went out and I was like, then now is my chance because like otherwise mid party and it was a good party, like it was a good one. It was a good it was it was a good one. It was a really great. It was a really great. um but, yeah, that was the first time I ever heard my music played back because I like ran up and I was like yod like here here's me, here's my music, here's a flas I have like you could keep it. has my music on it and it had I think at the I think it just had copy and paste on it like that whole EP was done and so a copy and paste is just talk to this other song called Nero, which has me like hand drumming on it, which is a cool song too. I use the Ableton push. I love the Ableton push and I had to forfeit it because it wasn't going back in my luggage. I couldn't afford it. So somebody fucking I feel charitable about this. Somebody inherited a $1200 at the time that it's depreciated, somebody inherited what I paid $1200 for for free, I think we're even. Anyway, um I add in uteroakatu and 43 on it. That's copy and paste and like, I I ran up during a blackout and I was like here. like, here's my stuff. And he was so annoyed. The DJ was so fucking annoyed. He was like, what are you saying? Like, and if they were like, the powers are, we can't get the power to come back on. so like people had started like a drum circle over in the corner and some people were leaving, they're like, you know, when the power goes out of a fucking festival or a rave like first of all, it's not a it's not a slammer. Like it's not a banging fucking festival and or rave if the power doesn't go out at least once or the cops come. Like if there's no raid, people don't get raided these days, do they? Yeah, that used to bring like a certain element of fucking like fear and excitement that like, yo, this party might only last five minutes. Let's get it anyway. It's New York old New York rave culture. hey, they're having a party over here because we're having a party over here but like shut down that party. Snitches in New York have always been a thing. like, if somebody over there is doing something that competes with your business, like you snitch on them, that would that's old school dance music culture. That's what they used to do, like those little preppy and we're not gonna put a color to it, but those little preppy boys that were like doing the old school, like underground, like break it in raves. Like that's what they were doing. They were like, oh, he's uh doing a there's a party over here in a secret place over here that shouldn't be. But those people were also doing a party and they wanted all the fucking people to come to their party and said that that party. So they were just snitch. They were just like hey, I got a tip. I got a tip on these motherfuckers. And then and then the other party would get shut down and everybody would be like, rolling balls, be like okay, we're still need a I need a party, like where's the other party? And there would always be somebody from the other party there to like usher people to the other party, like, I know where the party is. Yeah, these people. Anyway, I have I have such a love for the culture. What what the fuck was I just saying? Oh, one people have talked to which I made in a tree. That's almost that's almost discouraging. I'm like, yo dude, I'm footing in all this fucking like putting in all this extra work and like this fucking sound design and engineering and like trying to fucking trying to achieve subtronics but sober. Ha ha I'm like, uh, I'm also like ten years older than this kid. at least, excuse me, I don't know what the fuck is happening. Coffee early in the morning. Is my nose running or is it just like, oh, it's almost summer, so we're getting moist in the bitch, like we're just gonna get tepid for the next six months with no rain. Like it's gonna be like the moistures in the air. Enjoy that crawls. anyway I need to figure out what the fuck is schitz is or if that's what it's called. the longer I stay in New York. The easier it is for the old Jew and me to fucking arise. Ugh Anyway, what the fuck was I just saying? Oh, I love this about my statistics. My fans, although there are a few of them are speckled all over the world. I still don't know where Kazakhan is. but I think I have I have a couple listeners in Kazakhstan and they're in two different cities. I'm like that's pretty incredible to me. I was likeYo, dude, where the fuck is Kazakh stand? I don't know. I also found like, okay, like I don't I don't know where half these places are, but like I don't wanna go there although this place this one particular place I'm like oh dude, I don't know where the fuck you're at. I don't know where the fuck you're at and nobody knows where the fuck you're at cause I tried to look you up on a map and it was too distinctively like non places. I was like, is it this place or this place? And they're like it could be this place where that place? And I'm like cracked, but where is it? They're like nowhere, don't worry about it. I'm like damn! Okay, but I have a family there, so that's cool. I got fans all over the world, but they're like speckled. They're not, you know, by the hundreds or millions or billions. Are we gonna talk about that? Eventually, eventually, yes, we'll talk about my love of late night television. Yes, we have talked about that. But not right now. Because that could easily take up a whole episode, easily take up a whole episode. If you ever want to know the state of like if you ever want to know the state of mainstream, America, just check late night, because honestly, that's just like an anchor man dressed up in a little monkey suit as to whatever the fucking day people were talking about reiterated for the night people to understand. It's the same news. They are part of the news networks. I've just realized this cause I'm like oh no that's more like entertainment oh, it's the news. It's just the news kind of funny. It's just the same news that like whatever the NBC oh no, okay, like let's not NBC. Oh, yeah, NBC is doing enough right now. like go. No wonder why they didn't want causeby to buy the network, they would've fucked up their plans. He would have fucked up their plans. I'm like, I don't know what he was gonna do with MBC, but like he would have fucked up whatever they're doing now. That's why they prevented that. They were like, no. no, we have plans. They they're for the foreseeable future. Anyway, let's not NBC, because there's also CBS and uh that's it. At this point, I'm like, yeah, I'm pretty sure they're just like moving towards like the like a mass conglomeration of like, we're all the same. I'm like kind of like, and what's funny is they outfit themselves to pretend that they're like, I like this is so funny how left leaning it is when like all y' motherfuckers swing right easily. But I'm like, okay, I understand that this is for the masses, the masses are left swing. I'm like, okay, this is politics again, let's not do this. But everything is, it really is. Anyway, oh my go, what'll talk about my love for late night honor diff episode completely. Well, I mean, like we have a season devoted to it. We do, because I'm like, oh, they have to be like included in this in into the multiverse in legends, because like basically all of the mainstream pop culture like go like flows through late night TV. like that's where it goes. Like if you heard about it, you probably heard about it on late night TV because it is media like that's like anybody who's anybody goes through late high TV. I will not talk about all of I mean like there's so many different there's not really variations. I just said what it is. They're basically anchormen that are disguised not as anchorman. They are giving you the same news from the morning time news or the daytime talk shows, but watered down so that it seems like different news, but it's not as the same news all day. They work for the network, the network works for the dest network work for it themselves. What the fuck? I haven't figured this out yet, like on an intellectual level, I'm starting to, but it's one of those things where it's like mm kid, curiosity killed the cat. Curiosity killed and skinned many cats. Don't look here. I'm like, I got it, I get this. I got it, shut up. Shut up. Let me sit my fucking mug. guys when it comes down to it, I am assimilating well enough to be like, okay, I'm on Instagram twitch. Fucking I'm on Twitter, which is now X. I don't know. I think so. I have it. It's there like I don't use it or anything, but like I'm trying to see what the engagement for this upcoming season will be and if it works, then it works, but I have kind of thought about shooting this podcast in like a if I'm going to do anything, it's going to be anhilate night format where I have like a specific set of like this is what we're going to talk about. I do have a monkey suit picked out. I do have that because I like the format. It's easier it's easier for me to digest and then regurgitate information for my fans and followers this way. Like that's I don't know, like besides the fact that like I have been studying comedy for like the better part of two years now and that I grew up screenwriting and w like, ah, I don't know, like like I get it, though. I get why I'm so like hardwired to this. It's like yo dude, like via the television, we're so comfortable with these people because it's like oh like you're in my house like Lin Letterman, you're in my house like my whole entire existence, my whole childhood. So it's like that's like familiarity to a point that you can't you can't shake it. So like you can grow up and like, you know, the next the predecessors of the next and the next any man comes and like takes over the role of the last any man, but also like evolves the masses for the next coming generation and like the traits of the like it's it's a very interesting culture. I'm obsessed. like I love late night TV. I love TV, but I love late night TV specifically and we'll talk about that more in depth. I guess at some point because I do have to explain this entire weird what seems like an offshoot season well, it was kind of an offshoot season because I lost a season. I don't know what the fuck happened to it. Well now I'm going through my hard drives and I'm like, here it is. It's in here. It's all in here. I'm like, oh, so here we will answer my question. Soon, what did I write last year? I don't know. don't know at all. I really don't. I know a post in some of it. Some of it got like mirrored back in the universe, like, did you know you wrote this? I'm like, no, it's kind of prophetic in a way. just kind of happened. It took over my body anyway. What did I write last year? I don't know. Somebody read it. Somebody read it and then I have to do I have to do more like protections for my intellectual property because yo, I wrote half the Super Bowl commercials facts. I did I did. I was like yo,ude, I wrote this. Michael documents, what the fuck you do I Google documents? Like fuck you like fuck you unless that money is going into a pool to later pay me. When I like reach a certain level as an incentive, like we know we stole this from your fucking show, which, by the way, is just available online to anybody who fucking wants to copy and paste it and the descriptions you idiot. Yeah, I'm like yeah, well I mean like I can't really afford to join the writer's guild. They're like in that respect we will rip you off. only so that I can make sure that this commercial reaches your eyes and time for you to understand that like yo, you just put this out here for free. I'm like well love is free and music should be free. Like I'm technically just taking like a bag like a like a back step to like what the fuck is happening in the corporate world, which is sucking people like it's bleeding people who are already tired dry. And I'm like, well, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to be like, you know, like like, like, yes, I put like a PayPal about me link like if you want to donate to the festival project or later the complex collective cause I will not collect donations for my nonprofit until it's actually I've actually established the nonprofit as a 501 C3 and so like like the way that I'm doing my music right now is that like half of my profit goes to the festival project, which is like my my label, my independent label and media company. But the other half of my my like income, my earned income from music or, you know, however I earn or monetize, goes to the complex collective, which is a completely nonprofit organization, like meant to contribute back to the artists and like the artist community. not just the artist community, but just like to the overall health and wellness of like the like to to humanity as a whole, I think. Well, that's what the complex collective is kind of it's it's a health and wellness based nonprofit to the charity. So my the way that I what's it the way that I credit myself is that like the I use the complex collective, which is a nonprofit, as my music publisher, so that anything from the complex collective goes into the pool for the nonprofit, because I have to like, I can't consciously go throughout the rest of my life without giving back to my community and that way. like be because the way my life has gone so far, I don't like as much as I want to volunteer, I like well, I tried and then I like the the food bank that I volunteered for was like so and they had some organizational issues. They had some uh leadership issues. And so I was like, this is actually a toxic environment, which sucks. so I decided not to do that and uh and, you know, put all my uh energy of being like a charitable person into like my own, like I'll just my own nonprofits, non-for-profit is to give back to the community to artists and people in it in like transitionary, whatever. um That's the complex collective. So that's that's why you see that. That's why you see that badge on everything. That's the nonprofit sector. It is a subsidiary to the festival project, and I'm pretty much like devote my like I pretty much devote my my uh my gains, so to speak, into like both pools. Eventually, I'll have enough to then solidify the nonprofit with a um well, I have to you know, you have to pay. It's not it's not free for nonprofit. It's not. And so that's what that is. What else was I saying? Fans all over the world? Yes, we have fans all over the world. It's really cool. A lot of these places I've never heard of, but I do I find it a little bit, uh heartwarming and chanting, like I'm a little bit magical that like I'm hitting people in like some of the major dance cities, like Sal Paulo, Brazil, and uh like like places that are Amsterdam, London, uh I have more. I have more people in the UK than I thought, but it's okay because I I like them. I like them. Well, I like people. I like people that are people. Well, people be people on it so not all the time. Like sometimes I'm like, oh, this is like this is characteristic of your species. Like this is why this is this way. Like this is this is a whole human thing. It's not attractive at all. But I think we' close to an hour, I'd had to be oh, six minutes what do I got for six minutesronics. I'm I can't okay, I love subronics like as like Won as a fan because I went to a few of his performances. I'm not gonna lie. Every time his whole audience has BO. everybody. I'm like, oh, nobody in here has D right. But I think I got my fucking I don't know, maybe it was a sign. I was I was mixing the other day like nonstop and I'd been running around and I have a special jacket that I wear when I DJ that's like a really it's like a nice, I don't know what material it is, but it's really nice, like a uh a sports jacket, like a bomber. No, it's not a bomber style. It's like a I can't I can't remember this. It's like a sports jacket, but it's this material that's really nice. it's just always been my DJ jacket. It's like my lucky DJ jacket. and uh I usually wash it like on a delicate cycle and don't put it in the dryer to keep it preserved because it's really, really nice and I had been running around for a couple days and then mixed for like a solid, I don't know, I was in there like all together, I was in there, I think like nine or ten hours and I spent most of those the most of that time, like actively mixing because my music was not it was not s synched, so I had to hand pitch everything on four decks, which was overwhelming, which, by the way, I also did not know, which is why, like you like I did post at least one of the videos. but it's I'm embarrassed. I'm wearing yellow. yellow's not a good color. I'm looking heavy as fuck, like, oh, man, they had that video in the sidebar next to this girl, that's like a size double zero model. like fucking DJ and the rainforest with like grown footage and like HD, like, and then all her videos were like, she was she was like DJing and the one was like in the rainforest. one was like on a beach. Like she just had like she was all these destinations that had the drone footage, like money, but also like beauty just like pure beauty. Like she didn't have to do good. Like her music sounded good, but like she looked awkward as fuck not being able to dance to her own music. But still, like the like what why would you be paying attention to that when A she's beautiful, that's a distraction, be drone footage of like whatever the fucked rainforest or like tropical beach, like she was everywhere. I was like fuck this bitch. And algorithm's like Toby salty. I was like, I'm a little salty because it showed my thumbnail next to her thumb nail and I was like, no, no, no no. no like, oh so bad. So now I know. I know better than to look fat. Don't be ugly in New York. I was actually in full hair and makeup with my nails done with my Cardi B style nails. Yes, I was, but the yellow shirt on camera and it wasn't the best camera. It was like so I like I I used to have a camera like that when I first got into filmmaking when I was like eight. It was like the same camera. I'm like yo, this is bad. It's really bad. But, you know, all that's investments, investments. I don't think it's gonna be even I don't think it's gonna be any better, which, by the way, some people are delusional, bro. I just got Snapchat. I haven't had Snapchat since Allie died so I've been like I've been away from like that whole world and like seeing first of all, people actually pay money to dress their fucking, like, what are those things called? their little animated. Like, okay, you're paying money to put clothes on a on a 2D creature, you are dumb. That's why they do that, though. I'm like, oh, I need this forage shirt for my fucking Snapchat animated thing. I'm like, that's stupid. I mean, like if you got it. But still, even if you got it, it seems like I could have a million dollars and I still wouldn't spend a dollar to dress a fucking animime character. That's stupid. I like that's stupid. However, these are the same people that are posting actual like I could never post a selfie without filter on, cause I'm looking at myself in the camera with no make up and no hair and like just ugly. And I'm looking at myself in the camera and then one of these filters comes on and I'm like yo, I am beautiful. One of these filters comes out and just automatically made me pretty. And I was like, oh, like, but some people post that selfie and then they're under the or they put that as the background on their phone and they're under the illusion that that's what they look like like bitch, you don't look like that. You don't look like that you should not like that's for fun. You should not send those pictures. You should not you I don't think you should be able to save those pictures. Like, no, like, honestly, and if you post them, wouldn't it be funny if the algorithm just took off all the fucking corrections? Wouldn't it be funny if like, oh, like we see this filter, we'll just take off the filter when you post it. So like it posts with all without the Photoshop or without the filter, that would be hilarious. That'd be a funny hack. But coders who doing more like ethical things are nonethical things. I don't know what hackers do. I got accused of being one once, because I had a bunch of flash drives and hard drives. I realized that this is just like this is just what happens when you become a music producer. I'm like, I don't have space for this. I need more like I need more flash drives. I need more hard drives. I need more SD cards. Like I need space for my stuff. Somebody was like people think you're a hacker. I was like, you're an idiot. But that's hilarious. And that was one of the funniest things I've ever been accused of being, because it's like, bro, if I was a hacker, do you think I'd be staying in this fucking hostel, dummy? Fucking dumb. Why would I be hacking from this hostel? Well, I do really actually, you know what? I think that yes. But also we have more stories to tell eventually, what was I gonna say about subtrronics? I just love this music, very good, very, very good, very good. That's it. I don't have anything else to say. I thought I was gonna take up at least half an episode, because I was actively listening to it. I've been actively listening to it like sober in the middle of the day, but it is good running music sometimes. Sometimes I'm just like, oh dude, like I have to stop running and head bang. like this is inappropriate, this is inappropriate. I don't I don't know, I don't highly recommend a lot of bass music, like in the city setting, because something happens mechanically in your brain, something at least my brain, where it's like, oh, like that shouldn't synchronize this way. That shouldn't do that. Don't do that. why? What frequency? Idiots. idiots. lots the same guy, by the way. This is the same guy. He doesn't like, what's fucked up is he have a whole vehicle, he doesn't leave the neighborhood. Like he's a menace, like he does not leave the neighborhood. He doesn't. like he drives in circles all day. And like that's his that's he has like no other power. I get it. Like I' I'm understanding like I'm studying the psychology of people with small brains like this. is that like he has no power over like the rest of his life, so like that's his that's his like freedom. That's his power as being able to do that for like a second at a time, like he that's it, then he rounds the corner and does it again, then he rounds like the fucked up thing to me is it's like bro, you're not going to go anywhere with that. Like you have a whole vehicle, a whole vehicle, like anything I have to do I have to go on foot. That's I'm not gonna lie to disadvantage. I mean, like it's not too much of a disadvantage in New York, but anywhere else it's like, you don't have a car. I'm like, yeah. I don't. Like New York is probably the only place in the US that you absolutely really don't need one. You really don't. And honestly, when I see people with cars here, I'm like yo dude, I hope you paid that all the way off because like, honestly like if you're in debt for that, like you you lost like, you lost, like you're not going anywhere and it's like depreciating as you drive it, like this just like, I don't know. I saw well, I was on the bus and we hit a car. The bus kept going. Bus kept going and totally did. It did not make it didn't even flinch like the bus was like oops, you were over the line. I was like damn damn. So eventually eventually that person is gonna come out and be like, oh. ho No, anyway, we do have to talk about some of this entered the multiverse. We are over an hour, so thank you for listening. Yay, what I want on the peloton one arm on the pelotone. Again, I'm not getting paid, but I think going against the grain of like corporate greed right now is the best thing. So all of the things that I can possibly like put online for free. I'm putting online for free. um I'm also trying to get I'm trying to start the process of giving away like copies of my album for free and you know, as springtime and festival season gears up, public spaces. Oh, we didn't talk about the fluffer. First of all, I was worried that it wasn't gonna come out. Excuse me, gosh, what is happening right now? Flip? It snot. stuck somewhere trapped in my space. I'm sorry about that. If you can hear that on this recording, I apologize for that. I apologize, but whatever. Ooh, maybe, well, yeah, I do get like weird. I get weird when I don't work out enough, so I did that. I also went to the gym. I ran yesterday, and then I got on the peloton for an hour and I slept hard between like shaking myself awake to be like, my Amazon order. Like, I always like I always have a problem with the Amazon fresh people, so I'm like, yo dude, like, I'm gonna be really upset if I don't get this haulc I waited two days for it. Yo, there's an album in that hall. There's an album in that hall, so fucking like the most an uninteresting Amazon fucking whole, but it it worked out because I'm like, oh, dude, like I got producer foods because like I don't know I was feeding my anxiety and depression. I was like fuck this place. I want it's like I ordered so much shit that I never get, but it it's and it's like technically eating bad for me, but it's not. Like I'm still organic. Like I'm still vegan so it's like, oh oh, the Ben and Jerry stuff. I'm like, the Ben and Jerry's here. I gotta eat that before tomorrow. I'm pretty sure tomorrow's the beginning of Passover. I gotta eat a lot of stuff in here before Passover. ah, I got two different varieties of hummies, pineapple, mango, and it's like peach mango salsa, even better, sweet and savory, baby, and I don't know eventually at some point we're gonna have to talk about whatever I wrote last year. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's in there. But I did uh, let's see, what came out today. The fluffer, the fluffer. uh we'll talk about the fluffer real quick and then I'll go. It's off of tears of a clown, which is coming out soon, obviously. I emptied it. I was like oh, no, there's ice cream in this bitch, so I emptied everything onto the couch in search of the ice cream. Of course the ice cream was in the last bag that I emptied. and I was like, okay, I like get the ice cream in the freezer or whatever, because the Amazon dude looking for whatever reason, this was the only Amazon fucking heist, whatever it's the only Amazon package that didn't have my apartment number attached to it. So like I saw the dude a creep level, creep level security system, like I have a virtual doorman which allows me to look at whatever the fuck is going on at the front of the building. so I know that he got in the building, but he didn't come back out. So I was like, oh, like I opened the elevator for him but like there was nobody coming and I was like, what the fuck is going on? nobody coming and I was like yo, what's what's weird is this dude came in the building, but didn't come out and usually when they do that, they're just like fuck it and leave it in the in the mail room, which is they're not supposed to do that. Like people like have access to the mail room. Sometimes people are just animals. They're like, I don't give a fuck. Was this yours? Now it's mine. I'm like that's fucked up. Don't do that. Fuck. And so this this guy he like he's the bus cause he actually waited but like that's the only reason I'm getting this episode. Either way, I poured everything onto the couch because I was like, where's the ice cream in the last bag? Of course, but then I'm looking at this hall because now it's just on the couch and I'm like, yard, dude Somebody's about to make an album. I'm like Like this is all producer foods. Like, I was thinking ahead because I was thinking ahead. I was like, bro. I didn't like I ordered all this shit that like I like, but like I don't like two different varieties of hummus. Who the fuck are you? I got to do this. I gotta I gotta do this before this fits. fits little see that's in the next episode. We never talked about what's in Mrs. Gallipsy' refrigerator. I don't know what's in Mrs. Gallipsey's refrigerator to be a fucking quite honest. I'll give I'll give you some insight about that in the next episode, we barely talked about subronics, so I'm like, yeah, Ecuadoran bananas were covered though. We my coverage on Ecuadorian bananas. Prime. Anyway, like, what's what's next? I' two different kinds of milks. We got the milks. Oh god damn, bro, like I'm about to be fat, but like, honestly, just with the just with the final track alone and like the fluffer, which is the single from the album, there may be another single, but I don't think so because it's such a concept album, it would be hard to like explain why there are multiple singles for this. So the single of the fluffer, one of my favorite songs that have made a long time I like improbably I should follow that fucking well, if I followed that formula, I wouldn't have time to do anything because I walked like I easily walked like 78 miles that day on accident and then I came back in a crafted the song and well, it took I think it took me a couple of days to get the right ad and then I take a couple of days. But it's actual it's like dubstep. It's dubstep on the brink of like classic dubstep to like where dubstep is now, which is like explained before, like the the let's have the intersection of like dubstep and broep, which is like weird wonky video gamey type dubstep. um I think, what's that song? Is it Dr. P? Like Dr. P is a good, like, you know, reference for any of the kind of stuff that I'm talking about or like, uh, what else is like in that era? Who did snakes and letters? I mean the snakes and letters, the centipede a centiped u, guess, oldub stuff. It's like on the brink it's in the style of on the brink of those that era of dub step if you're you know, you're not into doep, don't listen to it. It's not that like I don't know, but it's one of my favorite songs that I man a long time. It's actually it reminds me of like like I was feeling like hard gon white night vibes listening back to it, but I wasn't necessarily thinking about gonite night in my like crafting of the song. It just kind of sounded like that because of the like type of bass that I used and like the nature sounds that I incorporated into it. I love nature sounds and cinematic music. So like anything it's it's very ga white nighty. I really like that song. I did submit that to a contest even though that I knew it was coming out and it would disqualify the song, but I was like, yo, I just want somebody to hear this song. I just want somebody to hear this song and I think the the um the judge of the contest does uh I'm not going to do any name drops because like I still really want a job. I'm still I'm still in the process of trying to get one. But um uh the the judge of the contest is from that era of dump step where like understands that era of dubstep that it's like, okay, if the judge of this contest is this guy, he'd like and he might have a chance of hearing this song, like, I'm just gonna submit this song and the mix I knew would like that they would they wouldn't pick it because it was like it wasn't my best. It wasn't my best work and I just wanted it to be like, okay, here, like here, like know that I'm trying. know that I'm trying, okay. and here's the song also, somebody should listen to it. So it's it's an old school do stuff in the style of like old school. Not old school, old school, like Banga and scream and Rosco. all those people are about to be in New York and I I just can't bring myself to get tickets, but like word up to those, like the word up to the gods of like the original d dumb stuff. Well, and also they they're drawing from like, okay, we can talk about this forever, but we gotta wrap it up, okay? Like they're drawing from like old older stuff. It goes back like, honestly, upep can be traced back to like the 60th, the late 60s and 70s. Honestly, in Jamaica, like there's Jamaica dub dub, like but there's dub step is like originated in the UK. In the UK base and warehouse culture, that was like a result of like the the what happened to dance music in the early 2000s with the kind of uh what the record companies seeing electronic music is like a you know, uh profitable. Whereas before, it was just kind of like the culture, then all of a sudden they were like, oh, like this is the way, this is the way that like it now popped music is like EDM. Everything is almost everything is EDM, but I still like rock. Anyway, the fluffer. It's out now. We'll talk more about it because I could talk about that song forever. The song makes me laugh every time. Makes me laugh every time, because I was being a little bit naughty, when I made it and it's just kind of a naughty song in general as fighting purple dragons on it. Like there's this one, like I I don't know, I'm a huge fan of like the rolling bass drop where instead of like, okay, here's like, you know, here's basically like a bridge and then drop, and then like another bridge and then a second drop, and then sometimes another bridge and a third drop. Instead, I'll be like here's the beginning of the song, and then I'm going to drop. I'm going to give you 3 to 5 drops without doing anything else. like it's just a like my drop will go into another drop. We'll go into another drop. I like doing things that way because it's funny. Like I'm not giving you a break. Listen to this. I'm not give you a break. Like, listen to this this literally it's technically one drop, but it's gonna be in the style of three to five drops. like this and then this, and then this and then this. So that's the fluffer. It did very much remind me of g Gody white and eye and it has fighting purple dragons on it, which is what the album art is talking about. So, next time on this show, oh, man, an hour and 15 minutes, that's cool. It's an hour and 15 minutes on the postal motherfucker. ha ha ha ha, the longer I stay on that bitch. I I don't know. My abdomen area is it's like some fucking statuesque. Like now I'm not mad at myself for like all the work I put in, because when I walk by like like Greek style statues and like Roman style, like architecture, like antiquity, artwork, like their bodies, like their cut, like mine. I'm like this is I'm an Adonis. that's sick. Like you can't see it because it's like hidden by all of my human, but like yo, dude, I promise I promise. That's what I look like. It's dope. Anyway, statuesque. I'm an adon this. All right, let's go. McDonald's McDonald's. No, no McDonald's. I don't know why. well, because Adonis and McDonald's are phonetically like any who thank you for listening. I am Www.Imu. guru, uh the YouTube is at the Festival projects. YouTubeube.com slash at the festival project. What else do we got? We got Twitter. We got Twitter, we got X. No, if we got Twitter, just because we were in the dance music, we're talking about dance music. I don't want people to get the wrong idea. I'm not the DJ, man. I swear to God, I'm not. I swear to God, I'm not. Okay, we got we got discord. I don't know what the fuck that's for. We got twitch. I I'll figure it out at some point and put some shit on Twitch. It's there, though. I recently just started a video account. Don't know why. I'm still I'm steady trying to get on this Japanese website called goo. which I think in English is just go. I don't know. We're on all the fucking places to do all the fucking things. You could catch me somewhere. I'm sure of it, and that is how we're gonna do it. Everything is free because love should be free, but it's I mean like I'm free the love free the music, you know, art, peace, culture, like art, free the art, and like art should not necessarily be free, like I wanna make a living. But, you know, I don't know, maybe in the future there's gonna be like an artist fund for people who actually like contribute to the artist community, like you just get like a basic income. Like, I think that's I think that's where we should do is have a basic income for anybody that actually contributes to the art community, you know, like a living, like basic income, like, okay, everything's taken care of, like, you don't have to worry about like are you gonna run out of anything? Like you're good, just c as long as you contribute to the art community. That's it, you know? But whatever, until that happens, everything is free because love is free and I'm going anti corporate greed, anti-orporate greed. So like all my stuff is free if you DJ feel free to play my tracks, the ones that are playable. Some it is just some of it's just I mean like I'm not gonna call it all hot garbage, but like sometimes I make a drop just cause I feel like making myself laugh. I'm not gonna laugh. Like, I know this is sonic trash. But like it's sonic trash. That's good. I know this is torture, but if like I'm going to hear it later and laugh and I need a good laugh. So yeah, a lot of my music is comedy. With that, uh, being said, thank you for listening. I'll see you next time. moron the stuff I talked. Mrs. Gallipsey's refrigerator. I don't know what's in it. We'll see uh on the next episode of whatever this show is called. Have a great day. Goodbye.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.™

First actual mix in a long time, hope you guys enjoy. This is my first mix with 99.9% Original -Ū. music only with the exception of the intro for dramatic effect. Hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks for listening.

Here's a screenplay of enter the multiverse to coincide with the commemoration of the SNL 50's anniversary/ L E G E N D S crossover.

Fun Fact: The First appearence of Liz Lemon in this show {Enter The Multiverse} is in season one, which first aired in May of 2021.

The 1st and subsequent seasons will soon be avalible for reading and listening on my website https://www.iamu.guru. Enjoy this mix and the avaliable downloads you'll find there and stay tuned for upcoming stuff. Just a reminder, all of my content is totally free for download. If you enjoy this series, drop a like and subscribe and follow on your favorite streaming platforms and all of my channels.

Thanks for your continued support and listens/reads. Happy Passover; blessings and peace to you.

-blu.

INT. ALIEN SPACESHIP - DAY

The cramped, metallic interior of an alien spacecraft. Two bizarre, multi-limbed ALIENS are locked in a furious argument. The sounds are not words, but a cacophony of distorted electronic noises.

ALIEN 1

(A series of rapid, high-pitched BLIPS and WHIRS)

ALIEN 2

(A deep, guttural GROWL followed by a drawn-out, wavering TONE)

ALIEN 1

BLIM-BLIM-BLIM-BLIM— FLAU—FLAU—FLAU!

ALIEN 2

—————EeeeeEeeeeeEEEEEEEEENNMMMMMMMMMNGGGGGGGGG!!!

ALIEN 1

Wfuh!

Alien 2 makes a highly offensive hand gesture. Alien 1 responds with a highly offensive gesture using another body part.

Suddenly, RACHEL DRATCH, dressed impeccably and radiating an air of cool detachment, enters the scene and calmly observes the arguing aliens.

RACHEL DRATCH

(To herself, almost a whisper)

Well, this is… something.

CUT TO:

INT. ROCKEFELLER PLAZA - SUNNI BLU'S OFFICE - DAY

SUNNI BLU, sharp and impeccably dressed, stares with wide eyes at a ridiculously large ELECTRICITY BILL. Sunlight streams through the massive windows overlooking Rockefeller Plaza.

SUNNI BLU

(Muttering)

Since when did keeping the lights on cost this much? Absorbing ConEd was supposed to *save* money.

Suddenly, a disembodied VOICE echoes in the room.

VOICE (V.O.)

You will fail this test.

SUNNI BLU

(Startled)

There's a test?! What test?!

VOICE (V.O.)

It came with a lesson— you didn't think there was going to be a test.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE LONELY ISLAND CLIFF - DAY

ANDY (ALEKSI), dressed in surprisingly clean white robes despite the precarious location, stands on the edge of a towering cliff overlooking a vast ocean. He takes a running leap off the edge.

ANDY

—NO…

He plummets downwards for a beat. Then, with a gentle WHOOSH, he lands perfectly upright on the sandy beach below.

ANDY (CONT'D)

I told you I could stick the landing.

ALEKSI (V.O.)

It wasn't always The Lonely Island…

CUT TO:

INT. HEAVENLY WAITING ROOM - DAY

ALEKSI (ANDY SANDBERG), now with subtle, mischievous angelic wings, winks directly at the camera.

ALEKSI

guardian angel.

TINA (O.S.)

Whatever.

Tina FEY, also with small, slightly more exasperated-looking wings, enters. ALEKSI winks extra harder at her.

ALEKSI

Hello.

TINA

Oh my God!

ALEKSI

I wish! At this point, I wish— unfortunately, those aren't the types of wishes I'm in charge of overseeing.

A large, ornate PACKAGE appears unexpectedly at TINA's feet.

TINA (CONT'D)

When something appears unexpectedly at your doorstep, it's called a windfall, right?

ALEKSI

Yeah. I think that's what this is.

TINA

And when it's something you really need, it's a gift from God. Isn't it?

ALEKSI

Something like that.

TINA

Honestly, I thought it was just a gentler way of letting me know I was ugly— after a particularly horrible photo opportunity at the airport.

ALEKSI

—wow.

TINA

I had just been up for 72 plus hours straight and only slept something like 4 or 5–but of course—

FLASHBACK:

INT. AIRPORT SECURITY - EARLY MORNING

A haggard and disheveled TINA sits slumped on a lopsided BEANBAG in the middle of the bustling security line. Bright lights shine in her face as various machines WHIR and BEEP, scanning her.

TINA (V.O.)

This was staggered sleep from atop a lopsided beanbag.

TINA (Muttering)

Agh, God!

TINA (V.O.)

I've been getting used to having lights shined in my face for awhile now. Still, I was not so ready for a full work up of my biometrics in this early morning crusade to Los Angeles.

A stern-faced AGENT approaches her.

AGENT

The Agency thought you were terminally ill.

TINA

Terminally? Geez.

The AGENT clears his throat.

AGENT

Consider this as, ah— Hm. Ojo translates directly to Eye. Doesn't it?

TINA

I see you.

AGENT

Undoubtedly. —an incentives.

TINA

I don't need anymore incentives, Captain. I need income.

AGENT

Oh, I'm the captain now?

TINA

You were always the captain.

AGENT

This is news to me.

TINA

News to the News. That's something new.

AGENT

Nothing is new.

TINA

But it's news to you. Sarcasm. I need a paycheck.

AGENT

Try looking pretty.

TINA

I tried. It didn't work.

AGENT

Try…harder.

TINA (V.O.)

New York had put spots and marks on my faces— a broken blood vessel from fighting some demonized African girl— and I'm sure that was what she was, after all…

FLASHBACK:

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

TINA is struggling in a bizarre fight with a shadowy FIGURE. The scene has a surreal, “As Seen On TV” commercial feel.

VOICEOVER (V.O.)

Who tries to kill you, and then does their hair to be more like yours? That's major weird.

TINA

Major Tom.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Yeah.

TINA (V.O.)

Then again, since moving to New York… Oh, Holy shit. Everything is major weird.

A shimmering PORTAL opens in the middle of the apartment.

TITLE CARD: AS SEEN ON TV: PART III

TINA

(Staring at the portal)

Where the fuck is part one and two?!

SHADOWY FIGURE

Maybe it starts at three!

TINA

Nothing “starts at three”

SHADOWY FIGURE

Maybe it's like Star Wars!

TINA

It's not like Star Wars!

A CATACLYSMIC SPACESHIP COLLISION and EXPLOSION sound effect.

TINA (CONT'D)

…it's not like Star Wars.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Uh huh. It's better than star wars.

A giant collective GASP is heard.

TINA

-_-

*the world stops*

TINA (CONT'D)

-_-

Suddenly, all sound ceases.

TINA (CONT'D)

Woah. That's different.

SHADOWY FIGURE

There: I fixed overpopulation.

TINA

But—

SHADOWY FIGURE

But what? I fixed it.

TINA

But— weren't some of those fans, also fans of this show.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Yeah, so?

TINA

Like an overwhelming majority.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Majority? Yeah— they're— These are nerds.

TINA

Fuck. Right. So where did you send them?!

SHADOWY FIGURE

Uh. Only to heaven.

TINA

What does that mean.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Heaven for any Star Wars fan—

TINA

Where is that.

SHADOWY FIGURE

The world where all of that stuff— is real.

TINA

What—what do you mean by that.

SHADOWY FIGURE

I sent them to Star World.

TINA

That sounds so fucking gay.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Cause it is.

TINA

Fuck. Oh, that's right— Non-star wars fans are sometimes Cynics Read: Major fucking assholes. I guess I fall into that category, eh— a little bit?

SHADOWY FIGURE

No duh.

TINA

“No duh.” What part of the nineties was your heyday?

SHADOWY FIGURE

All of them.

TINA

Jesus, Tina. You might be ancient.

SHADOWY FIGURE

I'm dust.

TINA

Hey— What. Why are you my assistant now.

SHADOWY FIGURE

Assistant? No. I'm your executive producer.

TINA

ExeCUTEive producer— you do put the cute in that.

SHADOWY FIGURE

(Not being cute, unamused, but still very cute)

Ugh. Fine. SUDAKIS.

JASON SUDAKIS appears

CONT'D.

And nobody cares, of course

Because she is formerly gorgeous

(Not no more)

I'm standing on four paws

I'm studying your laws

If this was your office

I'm your boss

And I caught you taking your clothes off

You're boring,

I started to doze off

Don't call me no more, hoe

So now your broke

You started a war slamming doors

Because you can't find no more work

Hoe

Karen and Becky are probably blessings

Cause they do not get me

But I'm doing better and yet

They are starting to sweat cause

I'm starting to flex

They're slamming the door

They're starting a war

They never been homeless before

Or hungry and poor

But no peace of mind? It's fine

I'll probably find in time

That they crossed the line

And get left behind

The red dots are trying

To plot

I'm crying a lot,

I'm out of the box, jack

I spring up but I do not pop

I'm talking to God,

He's telling you off,

I'm calling him “her”,

She's telling me

“Sure, I'm not really sure,

But I got the cure for your disease

The God of Mercy, Mercy Me

I got my first Mercedes in 1993

Look at me.

CUT TO:

INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT

A very tall, redheaded SHOWMAN (CONAN O'BRIEN, though slightly off) has just finished a days-long BENDER. He is not the polished figure America knows. He shakily lines up a mysterious white substance on a grimy surface.

CONAN

(Muttering)

Just… need… a little… pick-me-up.

A mysterious FIGURE appears silently behind him.

FIGURE

Feeling better, Conan?

Conan looks up, bleary-eyed, barely lifting his head.

CONAN

(Slurring)

I don't know what you're saying.

CONAN (V.O.)

Apparently, that was the line, and I felt like I was crossing into a strange territory with this, one Conan O'Brien, and almost absolutely certain I was spelling his name wrong, but continued to do so anyway— one, because I refused to look him up, and two— because if ever I entered into a plot hole deep enough the mechanics of my own knowledge of hyper and multidimensional space travels to explain, then having a Conan O'Brien and a Conan O'Brian might become useful. Today, I want useful, because I wanted to go back to sleep with enough energy to still wake up with enough energy to run a mile on the full sized treadmill downstairs. Then, I had day-people things to do— and for whatever reason, this seemed like one of them. It was a welcome deviation from—

A boisterous, red-faced MAN stumbles into the room.

MAN

O'Fallon, you old coot!

CONAN

(Confused)

Oh year.

MAN

I told you the Irish were coming. *the fighting Irish.

CONAN

Ah yes, the fighting Irish—

CONAN (V.O.)

Apparently, this was some centuries long kind of battle between ancient clans//and so, I did my very best o find my way out of it, until

A fierce, heavily tattooed WOMAN bursts in.

WOMAN

MUNROE!!!!!

(V.O.)

—i was found out. My surname was Scottish, but nonetheless, it was a fied older than borders were, anyway.

CUT TO:

EXT. MUSIC FESTIVAL - DAY

A chaotic, vibrant music festival. ANDY (ALEKSI) approaches a gruff-looking SECURITY GUARD.

ANDY

Yo.

SECURITY GUARD

What's good.

ANDY

What's your deal with the KKK, anyway?

SECURITY GUARD

(Scoffs)

I like them. They're funny.

ANDY

They— want to kill you.

SECURITY GUARD

That doesn't make them any less funny. In fact, now they might be more funny.

ANDY

Are you serious?

SECURITY GUARD

No, I'm funny. I like them blonde, Tall, dark skinned, Woah, scratch that.

Narrow down my picks I like them Icelandic And Slavic

Oh dear I like them impossible to topple over, No, God— Nevermind;

I like them whiter than light snow on a cold night There you go I like them strong—

But only in thought forms Keyboard warrior,

But I'd like to get her in a choke hold So she'll stop snoring

Oh God

No Lord— I should win an award for this song

I should win an award for this song

I should win an award for this song

MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)

ANOTHER nomination.

ANDY

No way. This is crazy.

ANDY spots SUNNI BLU in the crowd, looking stressed.

ANDY (CONT'D)

SUNNI, Do you have the academy on your payroll?

SUNNI BLU

(Shouting over the music)

Ask the accountant?

A stereotypical SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT, complete with a large yarmulke and clutching a ledger, scurries past.

SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT

actually, surprisingly, I think you're on theirs! See!

SUNNI BLU

Seriously?!! That's not anti semitic at all.

(It's not, it's pro-semitic)

More Jews and Rosecurucians

More Jews and Rosicrucians!

I took a bite out of you, And now I want my life back!

Sharks.

(And surfboards)

More news and prosecutions

More blues and resurrections

More impossible erections Interject—

—I should probably call a doctor. It's been way more than four hours.

I have way more than four houses— I've way more than four flowers,

I've way more than four dollars—

I've way more than four collars with sparkles on them.

I wear cargo pants for the ride home though.

No homo.

CUT TO:

INT. HEADQUARTERS INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

CC (NATALIE PORTMAN, though not explicitly stated) enters the stark interrogation room. A MAN sits at a metal table, wrists chained. CC sits down opposite him, calm and composed.

MAN

I… am a trained assassin.

CC

That's— impressive.

MAN

There are people who want to murder you.

CC

Now I'm impressed with myself.

MAN

Is that so.

CC

Yes! Ah. Delighted, actually.

MAN

Who are you?

CC

“A charismatic number” writes the New York Times review of my most recently cherished endeavor.

Which means for once in your life you might have actually been on time.

Or just late enough, or just early enough, or— you know.

It starts where I get there, or they were just waiting for me anyway. You know. Or you don't.

MAN

I don't.

CC

Then you should have plenty of time for self study between now and your execution.

MAN

Hah! My execution?! That's where this is heading.

CC

What about yours?

MAN

What about it?

CC

Have or haven't you been following along that this is what I've ultimately desired. My suffering ends in peace with knowing that you, too, shall cease to exist.

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

Other DETECTIVES watch the interrogation through a one-way mirror, their faces grim.

DETECTIVE 1

What could possibly be going on in there?

DETECTIVE 2

Anything.

DETECTIVE 3

I wonder what she's saying.

DETECTIVE 1

Anything.

DETECTIVE 2

Looks like she has him cornered.

DETECTIVE 3

Maybe.

DETECTIVE 1

Jesus, can you speak in anything more than one word sentences.

DETECTIVE 2

No.

BACK IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM, a heavy silence hangs in the air.

MAN

…Natalie?

CC

You wanted “CC” so I'm “CC”

The MAN strains against his restraints.

MAN

Who who's this?!

CC (V.O.)

Suddenly my love affair with words and art and theatrical thoroughfare was coming to an end. This was something of a disaster set against the backdrop of a really real world— a world that seemed not to want me in it.

CUT TO:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY

LIZ LEMON (TINA FEY) walks down a crowded street, furiously dialing her cellphone.

LIZ LEMON

(Into phone, angry)

Hello?

CUT TO:

EXT. MARDI GRAS PARADE - NEW ORLEANS - DAY

TRACY JORDAN (also TINA FEY, in elaborate Mardi Gras attire) is on a vibrant parade float, throwing beads to the cheering crowd. His phone rings.

TRACY JORDAN

(Into phone, jovial)

WHERE ARE YOU?! I'm on my way to the parade!

LIZ LEMON (O.S.)

I'm AT the parade! Where are YOU?

TRACY JORDAN

Not that parade! Mardi Gras!

LIZ LEMON (O.S.)

MARDI GRAS?!

TRACY JORDAN

Yeah!

LIZ LEMON (O.S.)

WHY?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A FLOAT— In NEW YORK CITY— In 22 MINUTES.

TRACY JORDAN

Don't worry, I'll be there.

LIZ LEMON (O.S.)

YOU'LL BE THERE?! You're at a parade! In New Orleans!

TRACY JORDAN

It's Mardi Gras!

LIZ LEMON (O.S.)

I KNOW ITS—

Tracy hangs up. He grins at the crowd and throws more beads.

FADE OUT.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Two high level demons have caused a hectic diversion just off camera during SETH MEYERS'S show when literally all hell breaks loose; the ought he has maintained a lifetime of secrecy and compliance without giving way to the slightest upset, his eyes widen as he attempts to finish his sentences, eventually unable to keep it together.

SETH MEYERS

…Blah, dee—blah, de BlahBlah.

DIRECTOR

—cut.

SETH MEYERS

AH. EXCUSE ME.

DEMON ONE

Ah, shit.

DEMON TWO

It's almost as if he's actually talking to us.

SETH MEYERS

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY, LIKE, GOING ON.

DEMON ONE

“Like”?

DEMON TWO

Oh shit, I think he is acknowledging us.

DEMON ONE

“Like?!”

SETH MEYERS

WHO ARE YOU.

WHAT IS THIS?

DEMON TWO

OHHHH SHIT.

DEMON ONE

DUDE, WHATS UP!

Seth Meyers has become somewhat of a celebrity even amongst the higher, but especially the lower realms for his exceptionally high tolerance for metaphorical and supernatural phenomena; He has mostly considered the ability to be able to see these things as some sort of latent health condition or hallucinations of some sort which from a very young age he had chosen to not only keep to himself, but—

VERY YOUNG SETH MEYERS

[ridiculously atrocious otherworldly shenanigans]

(Does not react)

Woah.

(Walks away unaffected entirely)

Straaaange.

Is this a human child?

Apparently.

‍♂️

—never react at all.

*also it should be noted that the two demons are the same demons from the flashback however aged into much more vicious, monstrously scary (yet still somehow humanoid) demon people.

Thank you Google for correcting that.

GOOGLE

Correcting what.

Nothing.

So it's safe to say that in his early acting days, teaching himself to “react to act” came as somewhat of a challenge.

INT. IMPROV CLASS. DAY

VO, Narrator

reacting to normal human situations was obviously not entirely, by this point, second nature to young Seth,

SETH MEYERS

Wait, pause.

Uh, no, Seth Meyers.

Why am I in this? I didn't agree to this.

oh no. You didn't agree to any of this.

I just said that.

Oh. Unpause.

No wait.

No, not unpause:

Unpause— or we skip straight back to the part with you trapped inside a metal box with almost no holes in it.

Wait— what metal box.

Shh. No spoilers.

CUT IMMEDIATELY TO:

Without being able to guess that it is their dear friend and colleague SETH MEYERS in the box, the HOSTSunanimously vote to abandon the challenge and leave SETH MEYERS in a metal box to go get lunch.

HEY.

Oh wait— sorry— did you want lunch?

YES I WANT LUNCH.

We should order him something.

JIMMY KIMMEL

I'll make you a tuna sandwich!

SETH MEYERS

I DONT WANT A TUNA SANDWICH.

Woah, that typo was Almost wild…

GOOGLE

What typo!

MEANWHILE, in a fabricated flashback to the early 2000's

The LEGACY CAST of GOLDEN ERA SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE wakes up on a Sunday morning after a wild party—

Oh, shit, what time is it!

—I'm AbLIND.

In a “Tina Sandwich”

OH [CENSOR BEEP]

ITS SUNDAY.

— MY EYES.

WHAT THE [OOOOOOOOOO] HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

this never happened.

Flashback, to

The night before:

[actually, because this is the time travel part]

Two nights previously, on FRIDAY—

(Drunkenly)

WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW!

—THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TIME BEFORE WORK!

—SO MUCH TIIIIIIME!

(And apparently, maybe even psychedelics, but

SHH, cause it's NBC)

ahem, PEACOCK.

Bless you.

No, its Peacock, this show is on peacock.

Gazuntite.

*facepalm*

None the wiser,

None the wiser

All the eyes

And all the fires

Are mine,

And none the wiser

None the wiser

All the time is light now

And

All the wiser

All the wiser

All the water fountains fly

And none the wiser

None the wiser—

SUPA[REDACTED], a GOD, REMOVES all of her favorite artifacts from NEW YORK CITY before stroking

(Leave that typo, google's three for three now)

–the earth in the oncoming apocalypse, last and not least, Rockefeller Plaza.

The building is violently catapulted into the heavens with everyone in it.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

You're welcome.

What happened to the rock?

I moved it.

What happened to New York?!

It's over now.

What's over now!

The whole thing. The planet. It's—

Its all gone.

Wow. That seems pretty catastrophic.

It was horrific.

Wait— if you moved the building with all of us in it, wouldn't we all have been pretty badly injured.

Oh, you all died, like immediately.

*collective gasps*

Instantly.

—like, as soon as I did that, but, it's fine,

You're all dead now.

*phew*

What.

I MURDERED YOU ALL AND BROUGHT YOU TO HEAVEN WITH ME;

What are you DEAF.

AHEM, excuse me there's still some New York leftovers I guess, somewhere in my make up

Besides you know the rock and all these l fountains and statues and everything…and paintings and other cool buildings.

Slightly less cool— but still cool.

But what about everything—

What about everything and everyone else?

Everyone else also died, and I only brought back the cool stuff,

And the cool people—

But everything else is just pretty much—-

So it's all over?!

Yes. This is the end. Of that last thing.

Wow.

Anyway, enjoy your…whatever. I'm gonna go to Disneyland, which for the record,

Is across the street.

What.

You're welcome.

Betore:

Hey man, you want to ride an elephant?

What?

Do you want to ride an elephant?

Sure!

Here— I bought your wife a saddle!

The television people despise fat chicks.

Or— used to—

Before they realized diversity was necessary for demographics, forced representation.

Now they tolerate them—

And even glorify the significantly morbidly obese

In exchange for advertising dollars, realizing that the people they're marketing to

Are more likely morbidly obese than not.

Oh,

How times have changed.

[The Festival Project ™]

Will Ferrell is hysterically crying in the break room (during his SNL era— nevermind he is his current-day aged–he has just seen everything backwards and forwards through the infinite and everlasting cascades of time. It's been an emotional few days for Will; his friends and castmates are worried about him.

Hey Will.

Hey buddy.

Are you… gonna be alright.

He sobs.He runs away and into another room—(assumingly craft service)s, the allure of the croissants and muffin seem to temporarily soothe him, however, as he begins to relax mid-sob, a mysterious figure appears at the table.

Don't worry. I'm right here!

The figure eats a cupcake instead of muffins or the croissants.

Will screams hysterically and cries even harder. No one seems to hear him or be around at all.

(Eating a cupcake)

It's okay!

WILL

(inconsolably, in complete hysterics)

AaaaaHHHHHHHHHH.

Shh, clam down

.

After a bout of extreme hysterics, and the figure pretty much just calmly watching his breakdown unaffected and continuing to eat the cupcake happily, Will realizes that he and this figure are the only one around—at all. This means the cascades through space and time are still not over.

WILL

(Still sobbing.)

Relax.

WILL

…heh… there are cupcakes?

Huh? Uh, no—

I brought this myself.

WILL

From WHERE?!

You know where.

[beat]

WILL

…are there more.

Ah? Oh yeah—

WILL

Can I—?

No, Not here!

Then why'd you—?!

WILL

I just told you, I brought this!

(he begins crying again but softly.)

The figure is still for the most part unaffected but seemingly amused by Will's upset, presumes eating another, more delicious looking cupcake, which appearing from out of nowhere— (unseen from the audience, even by Will) which baffles him into immediately stopping crying, something like a bemused toddler, as his eyes widen and his mouth falls agape in offense.

WILL

IS THAT ANOTHER CUPCAKE?

Well, you saw me eat the first one.

WILL

YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE!

I said there were no more here! Do you see any cupcakes here?! Besides this?!

WILL

(Becoming irate, red faced)

WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?!

The difference is your access to them. Damn!

WILL

Well let me have some of—

(Eats last bite, mouth full)

It's all gone.

WILL

(Eyes widening, then squinting in bewilderment and confusion)

Do you want a muffin or croissant, though?

WILL

(Realizing he has no other options—)

Kind of…maybe—

A bagel?

WILL

Mmno, maybe a muffin…croissant.

(He is increasingly distant and Bewildered (read: shattered) but also coming to; he moves toward the table

Skream , your love/ massive, Drake

Lil bitz

Anybody else feel like Kendrick helped Drake get his next few girls? Like, she's probably in the 8th grade right now like “I'm his type, ya'll” and she's gonna keep that goal in mind until it becomes a reality.

I think that's just how being a rockstar works sometimes.

You write a hit right now, depending on how famous you are or will get, your next wife is in kindergarten while your first wife is probably at prom— and the third one is maybe even in Utero! Maybe even at the same prom as your first wife. Hey now. Crazy worlds, man. The superstar lifestyle.

Anyway, wasn't I writing something less devastating?

Not exactly less devastating, it is Will Ferrell crying hysterically.

I think he's calmed down now. Yeah. Let's get back to that. It's almost the end of the scene.

But then what happens after that?

Probably nothing. I can't afford Will Ferrel for more than 5 minutes.

You can't afford Will Ferrel at all!

Well, his ad says the first five minutes are free.

What ad?!

CUT TO:

Young Will Ferrel before SNL.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Business card appears to have his name misspelled horribly, but obviously he cannot afford to have them reprinted.

“First five minutes free”

Oh, great. You got that part right!

Thank you, come again.

I will not come again!

We're not always superstars.

{Enter The Multiverse}

CUT BACK TO

Blueberry— chocolate chip?

WILL

Um, half of each, I guess?

What?

WILL

Well—

Get it yourself then, you primadonna.

He looks for a plate and plastic knife; as he does so, a third, even more delicious looking incredible cupcake has appeared again out of nowhere, to which the mysterious figure begins enjoying by the heap, mumbling with a mouth of frosting

You're such a diva! *mimicking* one half “of each”… mehmehmeh…

This is the most delicious cupcake anyone's ever seen— his eyes widen with a tired grief, but before becoming over upset again or irate, he takes a deep breath. And just sighs, as if to say “I hate you.” But they seem to know each other quite well.

In fact, this is clearly one of those super-fucked terrifying guardian angel type dynamics where it's obvious that the guardian angel type mystery figure is very tormenting.

But in a loving way.

….

[beat]

[beat]

Haven't you wondered why you're like 58 but the rest of your cast mates are in their 20's?

WILL

[beat]

I've always looked like this.

…no, you haven't.

(The muffin seems to have done its job in calming him down)

WILL

Trust me, I have.

Flashback: a young Will Ferrell looks in the mirror— the mirror shows a present day Will Ferrell, although the teenaged Will Ferrel is obviously quite young.

An exact reflection besides the age difference— Will seems neither unaffected nor worried. It's as if in the mirror, he's always seen his present day self.

He sighs.

End flashback.

Present day, (or whenever, actually) Will Ferrell sighs to match the flashback)

…maybe that's why you're special.

WILL

Yeah, maybe that's it.

The figure finishes the cupcake and though the muffin halves have rebalanced Will's mood to almost, kind of normal, he still seems disgruntled that it wasn't cupcakes—as the figure finishes the third, most interestingly delicious looking cupcake of all of them.

L E G E N D S

I've got a whole poem who lives in the squat rack;

I've got a dollar for ever caller who talks back,

I've got a collar for every occasion I clock into

It's a riddle but it's not a rhythm until I give it to em

Don't wonder who I am

I am space and time,

And granted with the right hands,

We're gonna have the right dance at the right place

At the right time and so

Whenever that is—

see you then,

Until then,

I'm not holding any farts in,

You feel me?

I eat a lot of lentils.

I write a lot of great walk on parts for artists

I parted the red seas, once,

I was also God, watching quite impressed with it

And wondered why they called it ‘the read sea'

Or the dead ‘the dead sea'

As I can't see the bloodshed

In the heavens,

And so I give respect to the seconds I look away

Which might have been a century or eleven, to them.

Ah, more men and mathematics.

More television friends and heavy dinners

More sinners and misfits, and glitched simulations—

More missed emissions,

More christenings and scrimmages

Remember to eat your breakfast

Or it's death at a likely curfew

remember to split the difference

remember, we'll finish as friends

As recommended by comrades

I have lessons,

I also have students in classes,

Professors and options

And doctors

And mantras

Barrages of cars

And I can't stop talking

Cause I gotta get my laundry fixed

Fuck it

Tina Fey hada booking.com commercial or something–

Then, apparently, or maybe I really and readily finally had lost it–

JImmy Fallon had a state farm commercial

Like a good neighbor

–

Nope, i wasn't losing my mind.

I promised myself i'd stop writing about the girl next door –she seemed evil–but she was acting strangely enough by doing something like brushing her teeth and reading my work from my phone that made the light switch–

I didn't care what she could or couldn't do with my phone–I wasn't hiding anything. But now…

It had to have all been planned.

She seemed evil as fuck despite my trying to trust her…

The Server…The Server…

Suddenly the kitchen light switched on and it only ever flickered when I was in the middle of something important. Like the world was melting or my dimensions were shifting into parallels or something, or like I was being warned by some overseer with a remote control, but it wasn't all in my head…

The plant that brought the plant

My inner voice was never wrong–the problem was, however that any time my inner voice was saying anything at all about tHiSmOtHerFuCkeR–

When did I acquire immediate voice recognition?

So that was his voice…

So who, then is the real Jimmy Fallon?

There is no real JImmy Fallon. I made him up.

You what.

I haven't done anything to deserve this.

Premonitions.

Are you telling me we're dealing with another clairvoyant?

On so many levels.

–but none of them personal, I hope.

There are oh so many…

Oh. its you again.

–Personal levels.

You're in danger here.

In New York, or just in general?

On Earth.

You keep telling me that.

I have no reason not to trust you besides the obvious fact.

You're oblivious to it!

I'm not! I'm just ignoring you.

Did you think about what I said?

Erring on the side of obsession, no, i've dismissed almost everything you've ever told me.

That's off topic.

Or not.

They want drama!

Then they're going to have to fight for it.

They're gonna start a war here.

So then, I'm just another body, aren't I?

Aren't I?

Don't jump.

Oh, if it isn't Peter Preferences.

References and Letters of Recommendation

Cancer in remission

and admitting i'll probably never see my son again

Suicide

This is suicide

This is suiccide

This is suicide.

INT. HALLMARK STORE. DAY.

Welcome to Hallmark.

…thanks.

Can I help you find anything?

No, I…

After stumbling upon a Hallmark store, where the burned thank you cards from his desk are mysteriously recovered, as is, and uncharred, a hidden relic from the desk reemerges, and opens a portal to another world.

I was in a very dark world when I met Patrick Kirkpatrick, but the point of the matter was, he was nobody now and maybe even nobody ever.

Maybe even, nobody at all.

Somebody's gonna come for you.

…is this one of those things I keep to myself, or am I writing this down?

What's with this?

Under the surface, but by admission,
I didn't know what it meant, besides the fact that

Pretty white boys who were always too good for me always wore them

as statement pieces or something,

And you know what they say…

If you can't beat ‘em.

…join em.

{Enter The Multiverse}

I know the sound of your voice

At the drop of a hat

like a peck on the cheek

And it still don't sound right

I still don't think straight

I still don't look right

But somewhere in these ions,

you'll find me at sunset.

In a whisper,

the taste of your breath

Is a sound in my heart

and the bloody murder

In each heart murmur

is getting harder

fear father God,

Just turn it off

Just to make it sotp

The man in the box

–and it just God awkward.

I should pluck your feathers

It keeps getting harder

each time your skull

Hits the auburn surface of the asphalt

Every summer at the hard rock

Huh?

But you just kept drinking

And you just worked harder

And after all,

You're the man in the box

What could all go wrong here?

It's getting shorter

the tears drop faster

I'm getting weirder

I'm a deadbeat dad

And my kid's the bartard

I just got a ball pit

I'm a Hallmark card, but refused to sign it

A dine and dash

From the supper club

And it's so refined

I just lost my mind

Cause it's just not time yet.

I must have known you once before or something

But any fan would say that

But how am I a fan

When I hated you

And I hated your laugh

And I hated your band

–and you're not that handsome

So how is this happening at all?

Oh look, something random.

Tell me why I'm so horrible

Mr miserable

mr terrible

Mr opulent

Mr miser

mr wedding band

Mr Never Happened

Tell me why I'm so bad at this

Mr. Wonderful

Mr.Awful

Mr. half at best

Mr. getting faster and faster

And faster and faster

And faster

Till it all washed up on the surface

And you wash your hands of it…

But the taste in your mouth is still metallic from the contrast

Breaking contracts, oh, now you're fast at once

and a hard match

And a tough act to swallow

But i'd rather die tomorrow

Than stare at your casket.

Now how about that shit!

You're right,

I lost my mind–

but I want you to have it.

L E G E N D S

JIMMY KIMMEL

[an escalating crescendo]

AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

Lol is he all thugged out yet.

No not yet.

(just wait)

I wanna run through marina del ray

I want a house in the Palisades

But I

Knew that 5 years ago

(I knew that five years ago )

I want a shack out in Malibu

Just to surf the ocean blū

But I

Knew that five years ago

I knew that five years ago

Before it all burned

I hope we all learned our lessons

Surf

God has a sense of humor

But I was the butt of the joke

I want a Condo in Santa Monica

Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball

Throw my whole world in the fire pit

But I knew that five years ago

I knew that five years ago

When you realize

The world is your instrument

But it still hasn't earned you a cent

You're still in the hole

Earning back what you spent

By the microincrements

The city people are you as excrement

But you just laugh and you sample them

Play them like instruments back

Perhaps flattery begs them to listen

Suddenly you're visible

Museum world—

Exhibitions

Entertainers

Comedians

Mice and men

Interesting remix

Should I even be in this language

Or should I make it more intimate

With melodies?

I hit play on a classic

And my peloton becomes the office

I'm suddenly at work, God

Petulance for relevance spanning generations

Thank you!

Still it takes enough to get it in to you

As out of you

Can't help t but agree to that

Eyeliner!

I like it thick around the freckles faces

And light ashy eyelashes

Over moonlike eyes

You know

I like it

Long hair!

Headliner!

Why am I inside you?

Better yet—

Why have I died?

Eyeliner, headliner

I like it thick around moonlight eyes

I like it

Old timer, headliner—

I like it thick around eyes like Zion

Eyeliner,

I like it

Ashes

You're the worst;

There are circle k's and 7/11s

How was my run on Broadway?

Who's the pope now?

I hope you choke now

There are subway central's

And sauces and really hard bosses to fight

But I don't want to

I'm in south central

And I'm still with you

From always to oblivion

I've been moving for at least an hour

But I have no power here

Drop a house on me

In the hills, if you will

And if the winds change,

There's still New York

What a page turner

I live at Rockefeller Plaza

There's an apartment above my office

There's a notebook

For every love I've ever known

In the oak

There's a something caliber gun in my slumber

I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals

Can't hop the turnsltyle now

Can't hop the turnstyle now

Hahaha

Who art thou,

Art monster

Who are you now that I care too much to notice

The problem was

The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder

That was awkward

They were supposed to fly away

TV HOST

HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY!

But which host is it?

All of them.

All of us are running for our lives

All of us are running after Carson, and Paar

All of us are stars,

But on polaroids not often captured

Gone and then away into disaster

That's the effect of the Cannon

Canon cameras?

James Canon?!

Laugh harder ‘cause you have to!

Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen,

And you want to go home now!

It wasn't as fun as you thought

And the set is much smaller in real life

Now clap and hold for applause

Big smiles

Big smiles

Extra points if you run miles before you show up-

Now that's a shiny after thought;

Not your average robot

Or prototypical tourist!

No! A nonconformist and

Kimmel can't sing for shit,

So he can just hum this verse.

(Sorry, I peaked—

No homo)

Now, I dissect Holiday,

I was sure I inspired the Broadway show

But who doesn't inspire a rock opera

I conspire to conspire, umpire, emperor

I studies Agamemnon

I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said

Go on, go on—

So I just cried and stuck in my stomach harder

I don't want a

SETH MEYERS

I don't want a tuna sandwich!

Just–take the tuna sandwich.

Yeah, buddy!

SETH

I DON'T WANT A TUNA SANDWHICH

DO I LOOK LIKE EAT TUNA TO YOU?

Um.

JIMMY 1

Woah, I sense hostility

We can't see you—

CRAIG FERGUSON

And we don't know who you are, anyway.

COLBERT

Apparently “someone we know”

JIM 1

Tsh.

JIM 2

Psh.

SETH

ITS HOT IN THIS BOX.

Ooh, hotbox.

That sounds like a plan.

Dispensary delivery?

The move.

SETH

YO,

Dissection numero dos;

I think I know how to make those sounds

I think I have that reverb

I need herb

Or probably a new location

With no probes

It's only temporary

The peloton office

But I want a home

Me and my family aren't from here

Oh, look, more purple

— we just show up to rock

And then go somewhere farther

MEANWHILE…

Forgive me father for I have—

No.

What?

No. No.

What— why?

Just— no. Not you. Not today.

But—I have sinned!

Of course you have!

But father—

No.

What—?

Keep it to yourself.

But.

Excuse me.

{Enter The Multiverse)

—-

What super hero are you supposed to be?

“Malox Max”?!

Hehehehe!

THE COSMIC AVENGER

No!

Hehehehehehe!

THE COSMIC AVENGER

I'm— I'm “The Cosmic Avenger”!

What are you avenging?!

Montezuma's Revenge?!

THE COSMIC AVENGER

No— unjust—unjustice—ness.

[hysterical laughter ensues]

Somewhere in this world lies our story

Still true, I'm unsure what it is—

But the thing is, I'm sure this the one

Of the fables

I'm sure this the one of the songs

Of the psalms

Of the storied palms

This is the one of the cards

This sir

KIMMEL! KIMMEL! KIMMEL!

I'm sorry. I don't know who you are.

ITS ME. JIMMY.

I'm Jimmy.

I KNOW YOU'RE—

You're not Jimmy,

I'm JIMMY.

WHAT THE SNARF!

What's that? I can't hear you.

The tarot said to go against the grain;

I was told not to write this tale, but here I am

And suddenly the King has a tail,

Compliments of T-Mobile,

But as did the first one,

The first King, of Dogblood

Of first strikes

And first tears

And first scars,

Was no king,

But everything has meaning

The cherishire has eyed me

The spider has bitten

And then,

Envisionment minted

I should switch to mint mobile, but knowing

There's no real difference—

Their all old t-mobile tower;

But service with a Billionaire smile

Of Blake Lively and

False Idols.

I don't care, I guess

My mind has eyes like sun

But my heart has darkness

The absolutely most beautiful sunsets have

Wonders on drums

And numbers to call

The best of cocaine on the sidewalk

Was sidetracked

The best of New York was

Los Angeles,

And vice versa

I hope you took protocol into order

I hope you too profound effect and affinity

In profanity

There's no more

Infinite Fallon

It

Found a call

To programming

Wall to wall

To wall of shame

On Walmart

Better activate that trial

Before it's all gone

13 days and counting

And

A million ways to die in the west.

SETH MCFARLENE

look at me.

Ah, what the fuck dog.

SETH MCFARLENE

Oh, so you can hear me! You fuckin schizo!

I'm not a schizo

I'm in the Illuminati.

SETH MCFARLINE

The what?

The what?

SETH MCFARLENE

what's the password.

this isn't happening right now.

SETH MCFARLENE

That is correct. See you on the other side, you batshit crazy SonOfABitch.

What.

*poof*

I told you I could make you say my name.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.™

[As his girlfriend begins giving him a sensual and passionate fellacio, the man senses something isn't right.]

…baby.

Mm-hmm?

Um…

—whafths wrng?

Uh—nothing it's just—

—wht—

—that—just—

Uh huh?

What did you do earlier?

Before this?

Yeah.

I hada massage—

—before that—

—before that?

Yeah.

Hot ones.

WHAT?

Yeah—what?! I had a hot ones interview!

THATS WHY MY DICK IS ON FIRE?!

YOUR DICK IS FIRE—

—nah, wait— your dick is on fire?!

WHAT THE FUCK! YO.

Oh. That makes sense.

WHAT THE FUCK!

[he begins furiously rinsing his crotch with cool water]

Did you not think to brush your teeth!?!

I did brush my teeth!

With toothpaste!?

AND FLOSS.

Oh, really.

AND mouthwash!

I don't believe you!

Believe me! They gave me a whole gift basket after the interview—that's where I got the coupon for the massage!

FLASHBACK:

Sean Evan's gifts [Sunnï Blū] a gift basket full of hot ones essentials; DA BathBOMB, hot sauce body oils, first we feast (then we brush) toothpaste, all scoville scale inspired goods and products;

LATER:

Sean Evan's is taking a jacuzzi bath in a tub full of steamy red boiling hot sauce, when (the man) enters furiously and red faced, aiming for Sean Evans' neck; he stands up calmly and wraps himself in a towel, which looks like bacon.

Ah.

I've been expecting you.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

What is your preshow ritual, anyway?

I stand on one of the high floors, up here–

Yeah–

And I shoot snot at the tourists.

What?

Gross.

Fascinating.

Straight out of my nose.

Ah, God, man.

You need help.

And into the plaza.

Sick.

Gross.

Before every show.

[beat]

You know, some of those tourists are in your audience.

Exactly.

Agh.

You need help, guy.

You're a sick man.

What goes around…comes around.

Agh.

I JUST GOT MY NBC MERCH.

Ahh, shit, here she comes.

Is she drunk.

What time is it?

8:45 AM.

She's wasted.

Yooooooooooooooooo.

What up, californians.

What up Sunni.

Good morning.

Californians in new york,

That's fucked up.

Happens all the time.

It is weird.

Shouldn't be a thing.

Wasted.

You like my sweatshirt?

[Saturday Night Live]

It's custom.

No it isn't.

It's SNL.

I just said that.

THE ‘N' IS FOR–

What did you just say?

I said.

NONSENSE. THIS IS NONSENSE.

What.

Lets take a break.

__

CUT TO:

I'm going to stare at this photograph until the image of you is burned into my brain.

OKay.

Why are we LEVITATING?

And then,

I'm going to incinerate it with my mind.

*gasp*

YOU'RE JACKED.

I'M WASTED.

[meanwhile, at craft services]

More cocaine, please.

Thank you, very much.

You hold yourself together very well.

I'm sorry, i'm sorry–i'm sorry–i'm sorry.

What in the FUCK are you apologizing for?!

I am a telepathic time traveler.

I knew that already.

Like, in very real life.

Does this thing go both ways.

[REDACTED]

WHO ARE YOU?

I forgot, already honestly.

[The Office Style Mockumentary]

I heard you were looking for Jimmy.

I wasn't.

He's nuts.

I–

[This is not a movie about]

[REDACTED]

I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch.

I'm gonna kill him.

AMY POHLER

No comment.

{Enter The Multiverse}

Once you master the levitation, teleportation is only a very sight–

Jesus Christ.

Not quite.

I mean.

Seth Meyers. What are you doing here.

I'm not.

Okay.

L E G E N D S

Why are we levitating?

We're levitating. You're just—

Goddammit, what the fuck do you want?

Looking for this?

NO.

Well, why not?

Cause i dropped it; what the fuck are you doing with it?

…I thought you'd be looking for it–

Well, I wasn't, because I dropped it precisely where I dropped it on purpose.

Why–would you drop something like this?

Why wouldn't I?

Isn't it the only one of its kind?

Goddammit, you fucking suck at everything.

I don't suck at everything…

You suck at this, specifically–and this is everything.

Ah fuck, i lost his cadence.

I lost the cadence.

I lost everything.

Suddenly, i stopped writing in his cadence. It was as if, after all that time, he had simply just–

Disappeared.

Goddammit.

Now what happened.

Nothing!

Dis/Connect.

Disconnected.

Why. What happened.

The server is down.

What do you mean the server is down?

I'm the server.

Well, it's down.

WHAT IN THE FUCKKKKKK.

FUCK.

FUCK.

Now I gotta go find Jimmy Fallon.

FUCK MAN, I HATE THIS DUDE.

__

FUCK THIS NIGGA. I'M SICK OF HIM.

You can't say that.

I JUST DID.

You're lucky they even invited you back here.

INVITED ME? I OWN THE NETWORK.

WHAT!

Sunni.

SINCE WHEN.

YOU CAN'T BILL COSBY ME, MOTHERFUCKER.

I OWN NBC.

THATS RIGHT.

SUCK MY BIG BLACK DICK.

Sunni!

NIGGAAAAAAAAAAAA.

[throws liquor bottle through jewelry store window and palms all of the diamonds on display]

aaaaaahhhhhhhh — jager bomb.

THAT'S NOT EVEN JAGER.

Whateva.

L E G E N D S

Camera 1–

Now, look directly in the light…

I won four oscars… [for that one]

I knew that if Sara was a real person–then Stefon was probably a real person, and eventually, i started to wonder, if also–Sunni Blu was a real person.

Who is C'cxell Soleil?

DO YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE GOTTEN 10% OFF THIS SWEATER?!

AGGHGHHHH GODDAMMIT I HATE THIS MOTEHRFUCKER.

Let me try.

For what.

It's my console.

So.

I got cheat codes.

Let the name expire,

Or the game experience

spectacular levels of–

disacknowledgement .

At a certain point i realized that I had never heard the word ‘fuck' out of Seth Meyers' actual mouth.

This is levels, man.

Please explain to me this series.

*shrugs*

I can't.

[he walked away]

GOOD.

I tell you,

I'm not going anywhere near The Rockefeller Plaza

In anything less than my awful, irrelevant, and absolutely mediocre

do-not-mind-me and pay-no-attention deficit to—

Maybe anything i'm saying, because believe me

Tomorrow:

Whatever tomorrow is,

It's changing.

I only came here to delay my suicide maybe by at least one day further.

I could hope for a laugh, but an honest one would take better,

Than all the mechanics in the world, and maybe even —

Some sort of heroic gesture,

On my own part,

As you know,

I've got to be going.

Tainted.

Damaged.

TINA FEY

He's a little bit–

We think he may be,

special, maybe…

SUDAKIS

He's retarded.

Hey!

No, literally.

What! Come on!

All thumbs.

What the fuck does that mean, anyway?

*two thumbs down*

What is the plot of this, anyway?

I don't know anymore. I'm either adding to my portfolio or my suicide letter.

Pretty fancy suicide letter.

(It was a pretty fancy suicide.)

There's a deadline.

Did you catch any of these?

Hey look; I've got my own interpreter.

Why are we codeswitching?

We're always codeswtiching.

Why aren't they codeswitching?

They're the code.

Who wrote this programming?

If you tell me that this–

Astrophysicist.

Astrophysis–wait, what?

I told you don't fuck with Fallon! period!

Very heavy emphasis on the delay in negotiating these terms.

What do you make of it?

Nothing. I'm just-

Nothing?

That's it. He's ending me.

Just like that.

Just like that!

Are you serious?

It's his game. I'm just in it.

“Pawns”

This, is the most powerful man in television.

Why.

You'll see.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Now, for a moment—

Do me a favor and imagine for a second—

Just for a second,

That someone,

Anyone—

Who?

Haha

Shut up.

Had read your writing

What writing.

Any of it.

Ok…

—before you arrived at Rockerfeller Plaza.

…which time.

Any time.

Oh.

That's right…I had been writing for years before I ever even stepped foot inside The Rock, even one time.

THE ROCK

Let's just say “30 Rock”

But is it technically like

24-58 Rockerfeller Plaza.

RADIO CITY, MANHATTAN, NEW YORK, NEW YORK.

So this is how many radio towers exactly?

All of them.

And how many satellites?

All of them.

And how many antennas.

All of them.

All of them.

All of them—that matter.

Which ones don't matter?

EXT. THE ARCTIC CIRCLE. WHENEVER.

AN IMPORTANT LOOKING BUSINESS MAN IN A SUIT ARRIVES

CUT BACK TO

CUT BACK TO

A GROUP OF ESKIMOS HAVE DISCOVERED A LARGE RADIO TOWER HAS BEEN PLACED IN THE CENTER OF THE TUNDRA.

The antenna begins to blink.

>< >< >< >< ><

CUT BACK TO:

…was that a stupid question?

I had fasted so long that l had begun to see ghosts, spirits dressed as Angeles, and, well…

It was strange to think that this place, wherever weeks of fasting and praying and driving and climbing mountains living out of your car takes you to, was when this revelation occurred to me.

Jimmy Fallon.

I— what?

Jimmy Fallon.

It must have been about four weeks, because, it was by the end of this week that the layout of Los Angeles, California had completely changed and been altered. Nothing was where I left it.

This is the labra tar pits.

[actual tar pits]

Not to mention I had somehow, from atop a perch at Elysian park, also witnessed the construction of Dodgers Stadium—

If my body is here, then where is my mind?

If this is the mind, then where actually is the body?

Simply put, and by the end, nearly everyone and everyone on earth had vanished, besides myself—

Jimmy Fallon.

There was no Jimmy Fallon here—

Just whispers of a name,

Remnance of an idea.

An idea's which might have once been a person,

But now,

Simply wasn't.

It was just one, singular; never having been wasted on anything,

Dollar bill.

FUCK, man, how am I supposed to keep telling this story?!

I don't know.

I'm real pissed off I can't find the scene with the coffee mug.

I'm pretty sure it's hot cocoa.

Whatever.

Cause why would it be coffee?

Why would it not be malt liquor in a fucking coffee mug if we're talking about Jimmy Fallon?

Why would it be malt liquor and not at the very least like a chocolate liqueur with a hint of baileys.

Because we're talking about Jimmy Fallon .

Are you sure he's an alcoholic!?

For the record!

So, just reiterating we'v established here that

The real Jimmy Fallon

The Actual Jimmy Fallon

And

The Regular Jimmy Fallon

Are entirely certainly—

Three seperate guys.

Sure, for the record.

Are you sure he's not.

I hope he's not.

Why!

Cause I like him.

WHY!

Idk. He just keep showing up—randomly, and at very odd moments.

So!

So I got used to him—being around.

Yikes.

Not around—just.

Oh, I get it, he's dead.

He's not dead, he's downstairs.

fuck.

Well, I almost didn't think about it.

No. There is no Jimmy Fallon.

Meat.

Waaaahhhhh???!!?

It's an all meat sandwhich.

What do you mean

It's like an Italian BMT

What.

Without the—

Bread.

Yes, exactly.

It's just meat.

Gross.

No, this is gross.

What.

You told me

No fakies.

You told me to come up with a sandwhich which embodied “The Jimmy Fallon Brand“

And—?!

AND I DID THAT

This is a VEGETARIAN EGG MCMUFFIN.

It's NOT, ITS A JIMMY FALLON—

But you just couldn't connect with that.

Connect the dots.

I gotta get out of town .

So, you mean—

This TV host thing is a full time job.

Pretty much.

Where are the models?!

Whooooo neeeeds models, when you've got

PAGES.

Woah, hoes.

Those are the 2024 NBC pages.

Why are their skirts so short.

I know.

Why… are their shoes so ugly—

To distract from the fact that they're allowed to wear those skirts!

I guess.

You're racist.

No, I'm ugly but—

WHY ARENT THERE ANY BLACK PAGES.

Oh, there are.

Oh yeah?! WHERE.

30 ROCKERFELLER PLAZA. OFFICES. DAY.

Humdala-humdala-humdala-hmmmmmm—

Humdala-humdala—hmmmmm

Goddammit. What is this dude's pre show ritual.

Yo. Give me the keys to the Hellicopter.

No.

Fine. I'll just take the push-to-start.

Ok, I'm coming.

(Eventually, we'll get back to Seth Meyers)

Why is he important.

Cause I—

Let's just be honest,

I don't understand this.

Why.

Ahem.

Why is it that—

No matter where I am,

In the various multidimentional planes,

I am reachable by

Jimmy Fallon.

I don't know.

This has something to do with Jesus, doesn't it?

Don't ask me about my brother. I don't know what he's into—or where he goes when he's not.

Parasailing.

Ah .

Paraphrasing.

Ok.

Parasite.

*ing.

Wait. I am not a parasite.

I'm not taking anything from Jimmy Fallon.

…am I!

what the fuck exactly just happened.

What do you mean.

The…propeller seems to have stopped working.

Yes, it did.

Why are we not free falling rapidly.

Oh, we are.

CUT TO:

A HELLICOPTER FALLING RAPIDLY FROM THE SKY

oh dear GOD—

CUT BACK TO:

A helicopter is suspended in midair, appearing to be frozen.

I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked.

I know what you did Fallon.

No you don't!

Sucks to be you! I so do know what you did.

Even if you do—/

And I also did it.

goddammit.

“Suspension of Disbelief”

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!

look, I know how to be super skinny. I'm just not.

WHY.

Cause I like food!

Pretty windows,

Decent teachers—

Learning lessons,

Leaning in and,

Recent intermissions

Admissions to priestes,

And alter boys,

Insence smoke,

And—

I said I'd sign the prenuptial agreements!

What's in the —?

Prenuptual agreements.

…but…you have nothing.

I've always had nothing but, I've never had— him.

What?

Not until now.

That's not a man, that's a God–

(And)

That's not a Dog, that's a friend

Even if this is the end

We're just gonna do it again

(and again, and again)

Tell me;

What did you want?!

Did you get it?

Cause if not, you're gonna!

That's not a watch, it's a gun

(And it's going off!)

Pull the trigger-

You gotta.

Did you want it?

Did you wanna?

Moderation:

Marijuana

I'm not a God.

(I don't wanna)

–But I got all that I wanted

(I put the air in your lungs)

Fuck/

That's not a coincidence, is it?

That's not a coincidence.

(It never it)

Here's another one,

For your records

He's a writer

She's a–

I Liked him better off dead

(He was better off dead)

Pull the trigger–

Pull the trigger!

Well that's a

Whole lotta luggage

Lotta stuff that you bought at the

–I was just onto a

That's not a God,

That's a Goddess

(All locked up in the)

(open the door:)

That's not a God,

It's your mother!

( I wanted it)

I don't want anymore–

I can't write anymore songs

(But I got what I wanted)

That was not a coincidence.

If I look into your eyes, i'll die.

I'm a dead person.

I believe you.

Please don't make that face at me.

It's the only face i've got.

“Oh well”

With a shrug

Is i've ive got on

But there's no nonchaloncé

It's a problem

I don't wanna talk about it.

I don't wanna talk about it.

“In Retrospect, I should have lead with deportation.”

An Ear for Innuendo

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Weeeelllll

This is about to make sense—

Isn't it?

Probably not.

Oh well, roll the tape.

L E G E N D S

what tape?

…

…hello?!

….

HELLO?

posh.

—tried to record the vocals with it but apparently either my interface or my computer—

Whatever

—Money.

-U. ft, Happy Accidents

Dunno when I'm going to be able to do vocals next so here's the instrumental, the lyrics. And whatever else was in my notes when I was in producer mode with my documents open.

Amen

posh. (Instrumental)

Happy Accidents ft. -Ū.

Actually I was thinking about using my Srs Blk Alias.

[serious black]

// srs blk.

Whatever there's robots outside my door coughing right now.

Here go the lyrics.

Fucking robots.

This is just a fad

Why you mad?

What is in my bag

(Posh)

I am just a fan

Why you mad

You are not my man

This is just a fad,

I make dance music cause I can

This is just a fad

Why you mad

(Keep it classy)

Posh.

I am hella bad

Do the math

You are not my dad

This is just a fad

I make dance music cause I can

I am just a fan

Why you mad

You are not my man

This is just a fad

(Dance)

Posh

This is just a fad.

Facts.

{Enter The Multiverse}

I don't think I like anybody!

That's right, I'm not looking.

Mis it possible to be asexual

Google?

Now,where should it go?

I don't know if I'd quite cal it asexual, just…disinterested in the general population at large.

But you're in the general population,

Exactly.

I'm in need of a pillow pet.

Have you tried toys r us.

Do you know how weird it's going to look for a 40 something year old man with zero kids to walk into a toys r us and ask for a pillow pet?

So you have thought about it.

Are you stupid?

Not as stupid as I ought to be

Lay on the tarmac.

What.

Just—lay in the tarmac

For what?

I'm going to run you over with an airplane.

…that might work.

“How to Kill An Immortal”.

It's that time of the day

And the day of the week

Where my mind goes awry

(So long, sir)

And my heart starts making the wrong turns

Cross eyes, ten and two

[Atomic Number]

cross Eyes, ten and two

Cross your heart,

Or don't

(Goodbye, sir)

Goodbuy, good sir

I just bought a pony,

I want a fruit roll up

My internet due tomorrow

(Go finish the album)

I just want donut

Good morning

Hot topics

I've got much more to show for it than you're onto.

Than you're onto

Than you're onto—

Honest.

Don't stop there, dog.

(Atomic Number)

Thats no crosswalk

Purchase you for favors

For favors

For flavors

Four flavors, are there

But I've only got my whole eye on one of them

What up then

Don't call the number

Oh, God damn

Go run, Pharoh for you want an arrow out of your head

Free hand and heart

I thought I was a musician,

—I'm not though;

I stand 44 stories tall

When I stand right behind you,

Shadow.

Small man

I love McDonald's

I got a long hat

I got along swimmingly with your mom and dad, huh

Data

data projects and the atomic number

That's all folks

Data projects and those atomic numbers

Cosmic stardust, they all shook

They ain't lie, that's a hard pink turn purple

They ain't lie, God, that's a mellow yellow saxophone there—

They ain't lie, god, brought tear to an eye where there are no more,

Heart took a wrong turn

They ain't lie, God,

It is bright plumb

Are you in a black hole or what?

Are you shook for stars and all bout dollars?

Are you sure that had my name on it?

Are you sure, or are you all talk

All you sure, mom? Call the doctor.

Are you sure at all, at all, at all about what you all wrote

I'm on the 44th floor staring off, Dad.

Straining heard, though—

Had my eyes closed and my mouth sown permanently shut / sh it

Is that your industry or something?

Is that your window out my car door?

Is that your hand over no heart at all—

But a chest stuck out;

Bring you down real fast when I've been humbled.

Goddamn, when's this song over?

When they tell you about God, God

And all you do is turn your back, God,

Are you good, or bad, God,

If all I have is in this Target cart

So I crunch numbers,

Fall in black hole songs, atomic number—-

It's just that time of the day

And that day of the week where I call out

Into the sound stage

Reaching back,

Into my alter,

Rocks in my pocket

And one at the Plaza

One year only,

One whole summer

One whole novel,

10 movies, more songs,

Light candles and hard rock, Nirvana

Soft porn,

No dollar bills,

No ballers,

— I struck rules and struck diets,

Followed often around like I own something

I just might be,

What they call

—Ten more songs!

(A poet.)

—And a whole bunch of unfinished—

NO—

Cut to:

fade in/

Fade out—

Whose line is it anyway?

I ain't got no teleprompter!

Fresh out of water, and

Blocked from purchasing on Amazon market cause

Something is wrong with my name

Or observations I once made

About being scammed by the monopoly

Oh, polyamorous polyaddixt, polysexual

Polygons, on PolyGod,

God only—

God ain't lie,

It was plum,

Closed my eyes to confirm, God,

Can't conform, God.

Atomic

Number.

I can do ten more before sundown; before

I'm so over tired from espresso bean coffee,

All about a dollar, I was—

Everything I want in my target cart

So I sure don't,

For sure don't,

Ever, On God,

Have to walk in the supermarket on

Stuggle mode

Slow down, posh.

[The Festival Project ™]

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

Telesynthesis

Tell me why,

No matter how you mix and match these scenes,

They all make very exciting episodes.

That's just how it is.

{Enter The Multiverse}

Ah. more posters.

Double-Double.

//

L E G E N D S

I don't know who lied to you, buddy, but you are not white.

They lied to you, boy.

That boy ain't white.

Look at em.

He ain't white.

They lied to you.

Something like—

—a bicentennial bullet wound.

It can't be that bad. You're only 50x

I don't know what else to do about this other than prepare to die.

He said it would come on fast after this.

Who was he?

I don't know .

Hm,

Just—shut up!

Okay.

Shutup!

I got it, I got it…

Fuck, this dude is gonna kill me.

We can only hope that's what he plans to do.

Anything else, and I'm double-fucked.

Maybe quite literally.

I can't handle that.

Ii did have a good time a Bohemian Grove.

How do you even get tickets to that?

Early.

Goddammit, how did he do this?

Are you not like self aware of your own environment, or?

Not if I don't have to be, no.

Is everything okay over there?

Yeah, everything's fine?

Fuck, what happened?!

I don't know.

I fell asleep holding nothing; not stones at all, however, I awoke with The Illuminati Stone and one large rose quartz from a dream in which fly po

What if all I lost

Was a contact

And all you wanted

Was a daughter

What if our world's were opposite

I'm a rockstar

You got nowhere to run home to

You're not important

I got nothin but hot bodies

On my tour bus, or private jet

Whatever way we get to the stage

Where i'm playing

You're soaked in rain just thanking God for rainbows

Filled with pain

Plate filled with old food

From Whole Foods,

With no shame

“Hey. at least it's wholesome”

I'm holed up in my studio making music

With famous people and no names

I made famous

Playing a game that I made up

You don't even know the rules of

But if you learn them in time,

YOu might just be where I am

Or

You might just die

From sucicide–

That's the plan

Not like you have family, but you see

If I die

I might just take 5 lives with me

The limelight's tricky

All i got in my inbox is tits

And celebrities on my timeline

You don't mind:

You're just happy to see the sunshine

And find silence after a long day

And a long night

Trying to find life–

Cause so far you know you died

That's wild–

So did I,

IT took awhile to get to the other side though

Keep trying

JAGUAR

I HAVE NEVER DIED.

I'm telling you RIGHT NOW to TURN BACK.

TURN BACK? I've been walking in this direction THE WHOLE TIME.

EXACTLY.

I'm following you.

DON'T FOLLOW ME.

I'm f–

DON'T FOLLOW ME.

I knew i would never see her again.

Once i turned around it wasn't long before I realized, I had moved in the opposite direction, but was not in the same place I had been before–and I finally remembered.

You can't go backward.

But KA, you said time travels in all directions…

In Infinite directions.

What's the difference.

“All” is just ‘some' things. Infinite is everything.

Oh.

*sighs heavily again*

Ok. [beat] lets make fire again!

Make fire again?

Yes!

I thought you hated ‘making fire'

I did, but I like marshmallows.

Alright, marshmallows.

KU and YOUNG KA Flicker in the smoke and shadows of the firelight in a far and distant, dark cosmos, as constellations form around them, expanding outwards into galaxies beyond comprehension.

You want some?

No, I'm not fond of Marshmallows.

Lol

Lol

Lol.

WAKE UP.

Nooh.

I told you NOT TO FALL ASLEEP.

Now you have to start over.

NO.

Noh

I wasn't asleep! I barely nodded off.

Clock starting.

First of all, I told you.

Dillon Francis is a Psychopath.

I know that.

Because i told you that.

I already knew that.

How could you possibly know.

Just look at him.

[Dillon Francis]

But I got you now, buddy.

What did he do to you?

[pause] –He killed my cat.

He killed you cat?!

[beat] Well, no, but–

???

Something Like That.

I'm gonna have a heart attack.

PLease don't.

HeART attack.

Mm. That was good. But it needs more force.

More?

Put some *love* in it.

What's that? *shrugs*

HeART ATTACK.

What the fuck is he doing.

PLaying with one of his alter egos.

Jesus Christ. How many are there.

Who really knows.

What are you two dipshits doing.

NOthing.

Training.

Training!

No.

*eyes*

You can't train yourself.

Woah–

Woah, woah–

That's an insult

Both, exactly the same

We are not the same.

Jinx.

Go fuck yourself.

*looking at watch*

Not until 3.

*everyone stops and stares*

You schedule your jackoff calendar .

I'm very busy.

Obviously not busy enough.

It's called “building stamina”

Do you use “home” or “work” for that.

I use candidly.

Yikes.

Wow.

Anyway, this scene is running long; I gotta walk off screen and say something clever, for continuity.

But it's only 2:15!

If you're not early, you're late!

I hate him.

So does everybody.

If you cry one more time,

I'll actually kill you.

Put the gun away, dude.

Why?!

Cause you're crazy.

It's 5 AM.

Ok.

Take your shit and get off the toilet,

We have shit to do.

[beat]

FLUSH.

Royal flush

I win again.

Dammit.

This is not LOVE. This is just

LUST

AH, fuck it though,

I love these cunsluts.

COME OUT OF RETIREMENT.

No, not us.

I can do nothing but watch you suffer

—suffer the little children unto me

I can do nothing, but watch you suffer.

—suffer the little children unto me

I can do enough, but watch you alter

Suffer the children unto me

I can do nothing of earth, but of sun—

Suffer the children unto me

Riding through Brooklyn

With Yelawolf bumpin

I should be thumping to something else but

I never got the trunk to open

Nope, I was fucked up some

Broke girl summer

Broken girl summer

Surfs up, though

Copestetic,

I am

Don't stop writing

(I tried)

Intuition

I died

Whoever

I am

Exit Bedstuy

So far behind,

I'm ahead

What's that like

Left the pary,

Fuck that line

Partly cloudy with a chance o

Get UP.

Nah, I'm fine.

For the most part—

I just

When does this train stop?

For the most part—

Where the fuck do I get off this ride?

I guess I don't

For the most part

Sure,

I miss my mom but

Some days she's up

And the others

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

HOW?!

I will literally FLY you out, just

———————————————-//—-wait, come back.

Wait, you can't just cut the strings like that

That's amazing lady

(She painted like a Mercedes)

The second rule of time travel

Since you're clearly a rule breaker

2. Don't get hit by anything moving not fast enough to kill you

Entirely and completely

A fuck, which Brooklyn is this?

JUST—time TRACWL

BAMANAS.

(William H. Macy is SIR, now)

*face*

Ok, I'm cool with that.

Better hold that thought—

And your phone

Why what's up,

Cause I can hear my train a coming.

JIM(I)

Well, I guess this is it.

Are you sure

Almost

Yeah, I'mmma get this real quick.

I AM A GOD.

No, yur not.

RICK! GET DOWN FROM THERE

WAIT, you CC saw this movie, right?

Where IS your center of balance, anyway?

It's not.

GET DOWN, KITE.

——aaaaand—

ITS GONE.

Let's just be real, I don't know how this happens.

Best keep it that way,

Now whose hot and toxic?

I'm the talk of the catwalk

The cause of the kamikaze

Come for me

Suddenly my nausea's gone

Imma run off,

Like I should have the first time

I'm up

LUKE SKYWALKER

I'm LUKE SKYWALKER.

Bitch.

It's hard to believe

That I, too,

Could be in the window

This could be an innuendo

This could be an instrumental

We should get going

Go to work

Fuck, am I still in a movie or some shit

Or some shit.

Fuck the glasses,

See my face for this

IT WANTS BANANAS

GIVE IT BANANAS

GIVE IT WHAT IT WANTS M

PLEASE HELP ME.

*with a monocle*

*running fingers grubbily*

For how much.

*grimaces-*

Wow, they really picked this little girl out,

Just to pig party you

I know.

So where the fuck is this again?

EXT. HELLS KITCHEN

I DONT THINK HE's a good man

No,

I don't think he's a good man at all, now

All I see's a child,

And that's why

It's just getting wilder it here

Now I'm in the water

(I can't drown)

We all need a savior

How about now?

How about a round of applause

For the audience

That watched the whole performance

And don't know what the words to the song were

Right on.

Tell me why

American girls just

Get too cynical bout this.

Why so hypocritical?

We got A+ in robotics

Now we got

Animal Products in

All of our water

We got Islam R US in

Jansport backpacks

That's how you rat out these assholes

That is a terrorist practice

So who's gonna watch that shit

Over and over

And wish he could have that?

So

Whose in the water now

Once you cheat once,

Then it's all

Void after that

The God of the void is annoyed with you

I just anointed you all with oil

You're so fucking disappointing

It's just

Innapropriate

Well, turn it off, then!

Did you work today?

Guess not,

I'm too useless

We work, you know.

Your music is stupid.

That's how good you look:

Music producer

No words for this.

Here.

What.

I want you to carry this.

Mariah, or Jim?

Got it.

OK.

OK.

OK, YOU WIN.

That's RIGHT,

STUPID BITCH.

I'm o—

Fuck that little dick nigga

Broh God bless Jah Pharoh living up to his last name by reminding me that I also need to run.

True facts.

WHATS IN THE BOOOOOOOOWWLLLLL—

Ing green?

More dead people.

Please, if you would.

Eats—people?!

Onlympurple—ones.

Are you serious!?

CUT TO COMMERCIAL. CUT TO COMMERCIAL.

Ok, damn.

Wait, so how long do I gotta be—

Everybody.

Till it ends.

When's the—

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

What's In the box though?

Idk. Get in.

XXX. ft Kendrick Lamar (Uptown A Remix)

[Bootleg] Uptown A

The Complex Collective

Original Track: XXX. (DAMN, Kendrick Lamar, 2017)

“The Rescue”

This hearty soup uses tumeric, garlic, and beetroot to help boost the immune system and ward off oncoming attacks.

This is not a simple soup to throw together once you've already come down with a full-on cold or flu, as you may not have the energy to gather the ingredients and for preparation, however— this soup is more meant for helping to boost the immune system in the beginning stages of coming down with a seasonal bug, or as a preventative booster. This recipe's complex blend of vitamins and minerals from greens and root vegetables keeps its ingredients' wholesome nutritional value high by first oven roasting the vegetables in a medley before adding them to the pot rather than boiling them; the prep time for this recipe is about 2 hours, with an additional 1-2 hours of cook time to simmer for flavor and for the raw chickpeas to reach the ideal texture before serving— the blend of herbs and root vegetables will add a layer of immunity and protection against any oncoming disruption to your normal level of health, and is hearty enough to be served alone, or with a side dish of salad or even a half sandwich, if you're feeling up to it.

You will need:

½ medium size had of cauliflower

½ medium to large yellow onion

½ red onion of the same size

½ white onion, per reference

1 whole celery heart

One fresh turmeric root

1-3 beets worth of beet root and leafy greens— you will only use the root for this recipe and can save the beets for later

1 stalk baby boo choy

3-4 medium sized carrots

¼ green bell pepper

⅓ pasilla or Anaheim pepper, per preference (one is milder than the other, but for heavy sinus congestion I suggest the Pasilla pepper, which is a bit spicier and will decongest easily, especially when including some of the seeds into the medley)

⅓ red bell pepper

⅓ yellow bell pepper

⅓ orange bell pepper

½ can stewed tomatoes with onion

½ can stewed tomatoes with garlic

(This is for broth flavor)

One whole vine ripened tomato

5-8 cloves of garlic (per preference)

About 3 tablespoons of fresh ginger root (a thumb tip's worth)

3 cups chickpeas, pre rinsed and soaked overnight

½ cup finely chopped fresh dill

½ cup finely chopped fresh cilantro

¼ cup finely chopped freshoregano

½ lime

½ lemon

Crushed red pepper

Sea salt

Thyme

Black pepper

Part II

Spirit says music was first, then words, and after actions—and then all of time is just acting out the stories that were told in the beginning as art

and…

Something tells me

Something's not all the way right with my head

I'm

Lost in my mind,

I'm

All the way here,

But I'm still

Somewhere off a bit

Velvet, the skin,

I'm just as sick in my head as I ever,

Recovered sex addict, and by definition of nutrition

—this handsome nigga smells like red licorice.

(It's actually cherry ludens with pectin.)

Zeroing in and away, heroing hard

For your heroine,

Heroin veins,