Starbucks needs to work on the basics. I might Jerk my dog off to make some cash. And does this couch salesman want to f**k my girlfriend?

Does anybody follow the rules anymore? Is there any common curtesy? Are we really still listening to these stupid politicians?   

We have to stop attractive waiters. If you have a Brita Filter, we can't be friends. And this guy took his dick out!

It's crazy how famous one TikTok video can get you. I hate going to the dentist. And do you really trust the government? 

I do feel bad that I have to kill this lobster. Trying to convince myself that I don't need a Whoop strap. Why do we let ourselves listen to people who should have no audience? 

12 items or less means 12 items or less! Let's keep the express lane moving here. My girlfriend's hair is literally everywhere. Is it bad to say that I'm sick of SNL? And can we stop taking everything so damn seriously? 

I don't care if you're apart of the "5 am club". Have you ever met a person and thought "how are you a real person"? Why would anyone go to Mt. Everest for vacation? And your OB/GYN is a guy? 

Who the hell would bring a bird to a restaurant? By the way, have you heard my bird story? And do I really need to watch the "Social Dilemma"? 

I can't stand bicycles on the highway. I'm so happy to be a human, and I'm happy that I'm not into weird shit. And have we all lost our minds with what we allow apartment buildings to do to us? 

Half the channels on youtube have got to go! Am I the only person who gets annoyed at this stuff? And maybe there should be some kind of interview process to be a parent.