David Waldman and Greg Dworkin regroup here at the top of the week and help work out our next move.

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce got engaged on my birthday, thus making that date easier for everyone to remember.

Pseudo-president Trump is crypto-president from now on.

In happy news for crackers, the cracker barrel returns to Cracker Barrel. Could a one-week feint towards a clipart logo be a publicity stunt to replace their dying customer base with MAGA hardcore? If so, expect Red Lobster's rebrand as "Red State".

Cops: DC is really cleaning up the town as the interdepartmental queue forms behind each potential jaywalking bust. Anyhow, it's all the arresting that counts, not the crime. Maybe a nice train station to play with will keep them busy.

OK, Doomer. ICEISIS may feel like it's around every corner (because that's the intent) but that doesn't mean that you have to give up. Democrats lead the U.S. House generic by 8 points, and in real-life very-red Iowa, Catelin Drey won by 11, in a district Trump carried by 11. It happened there, and it should be happening everywhere.

The US might be involved with attempting to destabilize a sovereign democracy! Shocking, right? Greenland might be asking for it, but that doesn't mean it's giving Donald consent to grab it by the windfarms.

European postal services are holding your mail. You'll need to stop by and pick it up.

Delulu DOGE dropped skibidi Social Security numbers… AnD fanum tax bro!

Kilmar Abrego Garcia has a decision to make. Either Trump's penis is tiny, and Kilmar goes to Uganda, or it is not tiny, and he goes to Costa Rica. All of the federal judges in Maryland avoid rendering a verdict on Trump's tiny penis… for now.