Bulletin: David Waldman has invaded the Virgin Islands! Man, if ol' Jeff hadn't already wasted it on his island, Trump would've had the best renaming opportunity.  David could have broadcast KITM live out his snorkel but chose instead to record five all-new specials to fill this spot.

Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense for the United States of America, is having some difficulty rising to the highest standards of his position. In fact, those people who would be interested in working in his department are less interested in working in his department, unless their duties include perhaps fragging.

Hegseth orders coverups, hunts down leakers, and changes the subject to much more incriminating topics, all certain morale-builders.

Then there's that time Pete invited Elon Musk to a meeting, and thy Trump is a jealous Trump, and would be visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto Pete's third and fourth generation had not Hegseth been such an excellent brownnoser.  Jennifer Hegseth is going to have to shorten that leash a bit more.

Gop Cory Mills saved at least three fellow soldiers while serving in Iraq, he just forgot to mention it to them.

Canada isn't interested in Trump's gold dome, as they feel less safe under there with him.