Keep It Simple Boston

July is the worst month on the sports calendar—hot takes are sweating, Red Sox are trash, and NESN still thinks you're gonna pay $30/month to watch it. Spoiler: we ain’t. So, we're talking about literally everything except the Sox this week.

We break down the Celtics' offseason as Brad Stevens continues to turn this roster into a 2026 project, debate whether Luka Garza is just a tall paperweight, and guess when Al Horford finally retires (probably mid-layup).

Then we dive into “10 Questions With a Guy Named Rob” where nothing is sacred—Mac Jones slander, Jake Paul praise, and finding enough women to fill five new WNBA teams.

Plus:

Our biggest L’s from six seasons of podcasting (yes, we admit when we’re wrong—barely)

Trolls in the comment section threaten our wives (again, true story)

And this week’s Simplest Minds of the Week, featuring NHL Draft Night Parents and a British soccer player with world-class aim—on and off the pitch.

[Intro]

July sucks for sports.

So does your mom.

NESN still charges $30 to stream a 4th-place team.

[Opening Takes]

Bobby: Furious as ever.

Ray: Probably sweating.

🟩 New Look Celtics

Luke Kornet signs with the Spurs — does anyone actually care?

Horford retirement watch 2025

Luka Garza and Josh Minott: Budget ballers or garbage time gods?

Bobby’s theory: Brad is punting 2025 harder than a Belichick special teams unit.

🔟 10 Questions from a Guy Named Rob

Cook, Mac, Dame, SGA, Jake Paul, Shane Gillis, WNBA expansion, Darren Waller relapsing, and the Steelers self-sabotaging.

Honestly, it's a fever dream of takes.

🧻 We Were Wrong (Sorta)

Cam Newton redemption arc never arrived – Ray

JuJu > Jakobi – Rich, and he still defends it

99 Restaurant is elite – Bobby (was this a food coma take?)

Zappe Fever – Bobby again

Mac Jones fan club – Rich, please stop

And Pasta is elite – don't @ us

💬 Comment Section Trolls

From death threats to deep-fried boomer memes.

Rich & Ray show Bobby the hellscape that is sports internet.

Yes, someone really offered to fight us over a Jack Jones take.

🏆 Simplest Minds of the Week

NHL Draft Parents who act like their kids just cured cancer

Kian Harratt: Can’t stop scoring… on or off the pitch

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It’s hotter than a pair of jorts in July, and the boys are here to break summer wide open with a This or That: Summer Edition that gets weird real quick (looking at you, “boat day or cocaine night”). Chief Bobby puts the heat on, and Rich barely holds it together.

Then it’s time for Simplest Minds of the Week, featuring a US sprinter who let it all hang out—literally. There’s talk of Ric Flair, open-plan bathrooms, repentance, and 10 scorching-hot takes from a guy named Rob that make us all dumber and angrier… which means they’re perfect.

Plus:

NBA Draft: Too many white guys?

Tom Brady’s bionic Fanatics win

Drake Maye’s wedding

Devers traded, Sox crumbling, and Cora jumping ship

Bruins Draft targets and trade rumors

NHL Draft breakdown: Hagens, Martin, O’Brien, and McQueen

Grab your lemonade, avoid the golf course, and let’s dive into summer stupidity with the Simple Minds crew.

Running through the sprinkler 💦 or kiddie pool lounging 🛁

Fresh watermelon 🍉 or fresh strawberries 🍓

Water balloons 💣 or squirt guns 🔫

A day on the boat 🚤 or a night high on coke 💃 (We don’t condone it, we just ask)

Iced tea 🧊 or lemonade 🍋

Summer fling 💋 or summer adventure 🏕️

Backyard cookout 🍔 or park grillin’ 🌭

Golfing ⛳️ or being a sane human

Fudgsicles 🍫 or popsicles 🍭

Family camping trip 🏕️ or family road trip 🚗

US Sprinter lets it swing — Chris Robinson wins race and becomes the "cock of the walk"

🎥 PLAY CLIP – US SPRINTER COCK OUT

Ric Flair makes a cameo in our brains

📸 PLAY PIC – Ric Flair

Open plan bathroom horror

🎥 PLAY CLIP – Open Plan Shitter

Spiritual panic

🎥 PLAY CLIP – Repent

9 white guys in the NBA Draft… worst draft ever?

Thunder: Real contenders or just windy?

Drake Maye’s young marriage — smart or stupid?

Is Tom Brady even human anymore?

Would the Pacers have survived with Haliburton’s Achilles intact?

What horrors lie in Pablo Torre’s 61-page NFL exposé?

Lakers valued at $10B? Timberwolves sold for $1.5B? Wut.

84-game NHL schedule? For what?

Will Niang and Simmons make the Celtics' cut?

Red Sox slump: Was it fun while it lasted?

⚠️ Official Statement: We will NOT talk about the Red Sox.

40-42, lost 5 straight

.103 batting average since the Devers trade

Alex Cora ejecting himself from this disaster

Garrett Crochet = Filthy

Bueller? More like Yeller.

It’s a center-heavy draft—perfect for Boston’s needs

Bruins and Flyers both eying Martin, O'Brien, Hagens

Word on the street: Bruins looking to trade up

🔁 PLAY CLIP – Sweeney whispers sweet nothings

James Hagens (Boston College)

Position: C | Height: 5'10.5" | Weight: 186 lbs | Hometown: Long Island, NY

Smart pick, smooth skater, ideal cornerstone piece

Brady Martin (Soo, Canada)

Position: C | Height: 6'0" | Weight: 186 lbs

Flyers’ favorite, but could slide to Bruins

Jake O’Brien (Brantford, Canada)

Position: C | Height: 6'1.75" | Weight: 172 lbs

Versatile, strong two-way play

Roger McQueen (Brandon, Canada)

Position: C | Height: 6'5.25" | Weight: 198 lbs

Big body, high risk, high reward

Known back issue, but Ducks are sniffing around

📰 Source: The Athletic 2025 NHL Mock Draft

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Dr. Big Mac, Rich, and Chief Bobby strap in for another ride through the sports meat grinder. First up: 10 Questions from a Guy Named Rob — because nothing says hard-hitting journalism like some dude named Rob spitting fire. From Tom Brady’s cyborg rise to NBA Draft whiteness, to why the Red Sox are dead to us (again), the crew dives into it all with their signature blend of rage, sarcasm, and moderate research.

Then it’s on to Bruins Draft Talk, where Rich breaks down teenage Canadian centers like he's got stock in their future dental bills. Boston might be on the move up the draft board, and guess what? It’s finally a good year to need a center. Which of Hagens, O'Brien, or Martin will end up with a spoked B on their chest — and will Sweeney screw it up? Probably. But we can dream.

Too Pale to Succeed? – NBA Draft hits a record for white dudes. Are we officially in the dark ages?

Thunderstruck or Thunderflop? – Can OKC actually make a run, or just another playoff participation trophy?

Drake Maye Wifed Up – Is getting married young brave or brain-dead?

Tom Brady Wins the Fanatics Games – We ask again: Is he a damn robot?

Pacers Pain – Would they have had a chance if Haliburton’s Achilles didn’t tap out?

NFL’s 61-Page Horror Story – What in the Roger Goodell is Pablo Torre teasing?

Lakers Worth $10 Billion?? – Wolves sold for $1.5B. Lakers nearly $10B. Are we all just stupid?

NHL’s 84-Game Mistake – Because sure, let’s play 4 more meaningless hockey games.

Opening Night Celts – Niang? Simmons? Who actually makes the cut?

Red Sox Death Watch – Losers of 5 straight. Batting .103. Don’t ask, we’re not talking about them. No really. Don’t.

The Bruins are hunting for a center like it’s a Black Friday sale.

Top Targets:

James Hagens (Boston College, 5’10.5”, 186 lbs) – Local kid, elite playmaker, would look real nice in Black & Gold.

Brady Martin (Soo, 6’0”, 186 lbs) – Flyers love him. Bruins love him. Will he make it to 7?

Jake O'Brien (Brantford, 6’1.75”, 172 lbs) – The mystery man everyone thinks will go 4, 6, or 7.

Roger McQueen (Brandon, 6’5.25”, 198 lbs) – Massive risk. Massive upside. Massive Canadian.

Rumors & Moves: Bruins sniffing around a trade-up. Flyers and B’s may want the same three players. Who blinks first?

Sweeney Clip™ – Because it’s not a Bruins draft without a slightly robotic press conference from Donny.

Red Sox? Nah.

Alex Cora might eject himself permanently.

Crochet made the Sox look like a JV team.

Bueller should be Yellered.

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In this explosive episode of the Simple Minds Sports Show, Dr. Big Mac, Rich, and Chief Bobby grab their emotional support beers and try to pick up the pieces of the Celtics' scorched-earth offseason. With Celtics Talk Weekly’s own Robert Haytay-an joining the show, the boys dive into the Jrue Holiday and Porzingis trades, Brad Stevens' apparent obsession with “flexibility,” and whether Boston just punted on contention or pulled off a stealthy reload.

Plus, HEADLINES with The Obvious One is back—and as misinformed as ever—with hot takes on the NBA Draft, "Fire Nico" chants, a 7'2" Chinese Jokic, and whether Ace Bailey will make it to All-Star weekend before demanding a trade.

Also on tap:

Did Brad Stevens just launder $200 million in tax payments?

Is Hugo González just Spanish for “semi-hopeful Summer League minutes?”

Who gets a statue first: Brad Stevens or a traffic cone?

Pour one out for the Celtics' cap sheet and join us for the chaos.

🔥 Segment 1: Destruction of the Celtics (ft. Robert Haytay-an of Celtics Talk Weekly)

Celtics trade Jrue Holiday (and $72M in taxes) for Anfernee Simons and two 2nd-rounders

Porzingis dumped in a 3-team shuffle that brings back Georges Niang and another 2nd

Stevens speaks: "We need to regain flexibility" — translation: we need to not be bankrupt

Total savings: ~$200 million

Now $46M under the 2nd apron. But… are they any good?

💥 Quick Hits:

Simons? Meh.

Niang? No thanks.

Horford and Kornet back? Lord help us.

Still no big men on this roster

Are they low-key tanking?

Will the new owners pay the repeater tax? (Don’t bet on it.)

👀 Draft Pick Breakdown:

Celtics take Hugo González at #28

19-year-old Spanish wing from Real Madrid

Raw, unpolished, and kinda exciting if you squint hard enough

Think "Diet Franz Wagner with butterfingers"

🏀 Segment 2: HEADLINES with The Obvious One

Mavs land Cooper Flagg — Nico Harrison survives the pitchforks (for now)

Ace Bailey already hates Utah, probably shopping for a Zillow listing in Miami

Suns get Mark Williams from Charlotte — where were the Celtics??

Pelicans go full Galaxy Brain and trade an unprotected '26 first for Derik Queen

Durant sent to Houston in a blockbuster nobody asked for

🗿Final Thoughts:

Are the Celtics really tanking or just allergic to centers?

Is Joe Mazzulla coaching a G-League team now?

Who gets the statue: Brad or Mazzulla? Or the tax accountant?

Dr. Big Mac – Conspiracy theorist, fried food philosopher, and still holding out hope for Semi Ojeleye's return
Rich (a.k.a. PC Principle) – The angry timekeeper and structure czar, here to yell about aprons and spreadsheets
Chief Bobby – Formerly in charge of optimism, currently in charge of vibes

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In this holiday edition of the Simple Minds Sports Show, Dr. Big Mac takes the wheel with a thought experiment only his Big Brain could produce: What’s the next holiday your boss might actually give you off? Plus, in our fan-favorite segment “Simplest Minds of the Week,” we take a wild ride through internet insanity — from a marathon mom's delusions of grandeur, to rope-free tourists, meat-filled Instagram traps, and the most Antonio Brown moment... since the last Antonio Brown moment.

You’re gonna laugh, you’re gonna cringe, and you might lose a few IQ points — but hey, that’s why you tune in.

🧠 Segment 1: Dr. Big Mac’s Big Brain
Topic: With Juneteenth now a recognized federal holiday, Dr. Big Mac speculates on what the next work-free day might be. From “Hangover Recovery Day” to “National Sick of Zoom Day,” the ideas are just as absurd as the minds discussing them.

💡 Segment 2: Simplest Minds of the Week

🏃‍♀️ Marathon Mom

🇨🇳 Chinese Tourist (No Rope Edition)

🥐 Sausage Rolls

🏈 Antonio Brown (Yes, Again)

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The boys are back with a chaotic ride through Boston sports and beyond. We kick things off with “10 Questions From a Guy Named Rob,” where we explore everything from sketchy NBA trades and Father’s Day expectations, to rap names and tornado touchdowns.

We salute Bruins legend Brad Marchand for finally lifting Lord Stanley and dissect the B’s future under new head coach Marco Sturm (spoiler: he’s competitive and hates losing — so he’s perfect). Don Sweeney wants to flip the No. 7 pick, the mock drafts are flying, and we’re already emotionally preparing for another goalie controversy.

Over in C’s land, people are somehow mad at Jaylen Brown for being generous, having surgery, and not being Giannis. We say: give the man a break.

This one's got it all — awards, conspiracies, rap alter egos, and Celtics trade rumors dumb enough to make your uncle yell at the TV.

SEGMENT 1: 10 Questions From a Guy Named Rob

💸 Does the Lakers sale make the Luka trade look even shadier?

🏀 Is the WNBA actually improving?

🍆 Is Father’s Day a guaranteed “special occasion”?

⚾ Are the Tampa Bay Rays really worth $1.7B?

🚓 Shedeur Sanders clocked at 101 — will the Browns bail?

🎤 Jabrill Peppers becomes “J Pepp” — what’s your rap name?

🌪️ Tornadoes > Rockies wins — do we believe Coach “don’t let us get hot”?

🕵️‍♂️ Which Patriot is getting arrested before camp?

🏆 Has this NBA Finals helped the league?

🚀 Rockets extend Udoka — should the Celtics have kept him?

SEGMENT 2: Congrats Marchand

🏒 Marchand finally gets his Cup! 6 goals during the run.

😱 Tkachuk played with a torn adductor and hernia. Insane.

🧊 Corey Perry = Mr. Cup Runner-Up. 5 losses in 6 years.

😬 Will McDavid ever win one?

SEGMENT 3: Bruins Offseason Outlook

🧠 Marco Sturm hired as head coach — loves Boston, hates losing, and has a plan to fix the offense.

📉 Bruins finished last in the East in goals per game. Time for a system overhaul.

📦 Sweeney open to trading the 7th overall pick.

🧑‍🎓 Mock Draft: Jake O’Brien (OHL) — high IQ playmaker.

💰 Cap Space: $26.27M — 8th most in the league, but minimal contracts signed.

🔄 Youth movement incoming: Poitras, Lysell, Minten, and more must step up.

🧊 Key Players: Pastrnak, Zacha, Mittelstadt, Lindholm, McAvoy, Zadorov, Peeke.

🤝 Geekie and Lohrei — RFAs to watch.

SEGMENT 4: Give Jaylen a Break

🦵 Knee surgery? Chill. He’ll be ready for camp.

🧠 $50M shoe deal donated to youth & justice causes — respect.

🔁 Jrue Holiday trade rumors swirl — C’s want a 1st rounder.

📉 Porzingis is a “negative asset” but might return on a cheaper deal.

🔝 Boston exploring draft day trades — but why?

🦌 Giannis rumors = clown show. Brown vs. Giannis talk is nonsense.

💥 BONUS: Aliyah Boston’s cheeky shoutout: “Nice clam.”

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The Red Sox have officially gone full clown show—and your favorite morons are here to break it all down. Dr. Big Mac, Rich, and Chief Bobby dive headfirst into the steaming dumpster fire that is Boston baseball right now, and yes, it smells like Devers' contract farts.

We start with the absurdity of Boston sweeping the Yankees, winning six straight series… and still deciding to trade their best hitter. What? Why? Who? Exactly.

We break down the Devers deal to the Giants, roast the front office’s "three layers of dysfunction," and laugh through the AI-bot interview process that somehow seems less robotic than Craig Breslow.

Then it’s “Simplest Minds of the Week” — where we hand out dunce caps like they’re hot dogs at Fenway.

Oh, and don’t miss The Obvious One’s sass-soaked, savage WNBA headlines. Spoiler: Caitlin Clark is back, Angel Reese is throwing hands, and Marina Mabrey’s wallet is $18 lighter.

Tap in. Stay dumb. Go Sox?

Red Sox sweep Yankees, win 10 of last 13, and… blow up the roster?

Devers pulled off the team plane and thrown in a cab to Fenway. Seriously.

Sox dump salary, lie to your face, and hope AI can save the franchise.

Devers → Giants.

Sox get: Jordan Hicks (6.47 ERA), Kyle Harrison (Triple-A bound), and prospects James Tibbs (High-A) and Jose Bello (Rookie Ball).

Hicks is a mess, Harrison is a maybe, and the prospects are… hopeful.

Meanwhile, the Red Sox payroll is 13th and they’re hiding under the luxury tax like cowards.

Ownership: John Henry flies to KC, gets farted on, and trades Devers. Cool.

Front Office: Craig “Wall Street” Breslow fires loyal staff, hides behind AI, and talks like ChatGPT with a concussion.

Field Level: No leadership, no chemistry, and no one gives a damn Devers is gone.

Cora's relieved.

Jarren Duran shrugs it off.

The team keeps winning anyway.

Craig Breslow: For firing a scout over a hot mic insult ("Thanks Bres, you f***ing stiff").

Sam Kennedy: For lying with every breath and pretending this team has a “plan.”

The AI interview bot: For replacing human interaction and somehow still being more human than Sam Kennedy.

Red Sox PR team: For insisting “This isn’t waving the white flag.” Bro, it’s a white bedsheet with Devers' face on it.

Caitlin Clark is back and dropping dimes.

Angel Reese gets her hair pulled and punches back—Queen.

WNBA is lit and getting more views than the NHL.

Liberty, Fever, Lynx all cooking up drama and dubs.

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Red Sox are winning games but losing credibility faster than you can say “AI hiring process.” Don’t miss the fire. Don’t expect clarity. Just embrace the chaos—Simple Minds style.

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🎙️ Simple Minds Sports ShowEpisode Title: “The Red Sox Are an Embarrassment — and That’s Just the Beginning”Episode Description:Show Segments:⚾ The Red Sox Are an Embarrassment🔁 Rafael Devers Trade Breakdown🧠 Three Levels of Dysfunction🧢 Simplest Minds of the Week🔥 Bonus Segment: Headlines With The Obvious One (WNBA Edition)🔗 Follow Us & Subscribe!

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Then, it’s all downhill into the Red Sox rabbit hole.

Roman Anthony finally gets the call-up—thanks to a roster held together with duct tape and delusion—and immediately rollercoasters from goat to hero. But don’t get your hopes up, because The Big 3 look more like The Mid 3, and Alex Cora is back on his bulls**t, platooning rookies into submission while the Sox quietly collapse from within.

We break down Boston's pitching disasterpiece, defensive woes, and the complete absence of urgency from top to bottom in the organization. As always, the Simplest Minds of the Week bring the dumb, and “10 Questions from a Guy Named Rob” somehow makes everything worse.

·         QUICK BREAK

·          

·         Latest Celtics off season rumors

·         Bruins looking forward

·         10 QUESTIONS FROM A GUY NAMED ROB

·         1.    Will Aaron Rodgers end the Steelers streak of winning seasons ? 

·         2.    How long will it take Jim Irsay's daughters to run the Colts franchise into the ground ?

·         3.    What are you guys doing to celebrate pride month?

·         4.    Is all the good news from Pats Minicamp too good to be true ?

·         5.    Do you guys also get wet dreams, awake?

·         6.    Will the Mavs freak out when they realize the player they are scheduled to draft #1 is a white guy? 

·         7.    How bad are the Knicks screwing up their head coaching search?

·         8.     Will Kevin Durant get traded again? 

·         9.    Does anyone else constantly feel the need to itch nads?

·         10. Are the Bengals right to be assholes about everything in contract negotiations? 

·         SIMPLEST MINDS OF THE WEEK

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In this episode of the Simple Minds Sports Show, the boys are back in town and they're pissed—again. Dr. Big Mac, Rich, and Chief Bobby welcome special guest Mahlon Williams, the charismatic winner of Pros vs. Joes Season 2 and the creative force behind I LOVE BOSTON SPORTS. They chop it up about Boston fandom, creativity, and what it takes to go toe-to-toe with professional athletes.

Follow the Simple Minds Sports Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your rage therapy.

Let me know if you'd like artwork, quote cards, or segment-specific timestamps added!

🎙️ Simple Minds Sports Show🎧 Episode Description:📝 Show Notes:🔥 Opening Segment – A Conversation with Mahlon Williams💥 The Empire Strikes Back (Sort of)🧠 The Big 3 = Big Letdown?🤡 Red Sox Philosophy = Dumpster Fire🙄 Where Is Roman Anthony?🤔 10 Questions from a Guy Named Rob🏆 Simplest Minds of the Week🎧 Listen. Laugh. Scream into the void.

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The Red Sox are spiraling—and not in the good kind of “we’re cooking” way. The boys break down a franchise that seems allergic to accountability. From front office clownery to on-field blunders and mysterious disappearances (WHERE IS ROMAN ANTHONY?!), Boston’s baseball club is proving that bad habits die hard.

Then it's time for 10 Questions from a Guy Named Rob, where nothing is sacred—from David Andrews’ legacy to Kyle Pitts' trade value to hypothetical work field days. Buckle up.

Finally, the fellas hand out this week’s Simplest Minds of the Week, and yes, it includes Marlins fans, rogue soccer refs, and inmates with ambition.

No urgency. No leadership. No clue.

Stat sheet of shame:

Most errors in MLB since Day 1

Most 1-run losses in the league (6-17)

Lost plays, lost games, and lost minds

Play Clip: Alex Cora throws vibes, not accountability

Where is Roman Anthony? (Hint: service time shenanigans)

Why is Marcelo Mayer sitting vs lefties while Abraham Toro plays?

From ownership to clubhouse, the Sox are driven by:

💰 Ownership – Cheapness

🧠 Front Office – Flawed analytics

🧢 Manager – Petty decisions

🧍‍♂️ Players – Selfishness

Verdict: They’re building a culture of resentment in their “youth movement”

The part where sports takes and psych evaluations collide:

Should the Knicks have fired Thibs?

Is David Andrews a Patriots Hall of Famer?

What if your team doctor crossed a line?

Will the Bruins ever name a coach before 2047?

NBA Finals or Stanley Cup Finals—what’s the real championship?

Is Josh Allen distracted by Hallie Steinfeld's talents?

What must the Pacers do to win it all?

Field Days at work or Work Days at school—choose your hell.

Would you take a flyer on Kyle Pitts?

Which OTA hero UDFA could make the Pats?

A trio of numbskullery straight from the "you can't make this up" files:

🎟️ Marlins Fan Math
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⚽ Soccer Ref Goes Rogue
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🧃 New Orleans Inmate Doing It All
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📝 Show Notes:🔥 Red Sox Won’t Change💭 10 Questions from a Guy Named Rob🤯 Simplest Minds of the Week

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