Keep Me Young

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to [email protected] or @keepmeyoungpod.

Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick 

@popkisstheband

@niconeeek

@sydneypatrick_

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Heather’s Birthday Week to all who celebrate! And ALL of you should be celebrating 🔫🔫🔫This week we start with a bang trying to answer life’s big questions: Are blowjobs as life changing as the gay hockey boys make them look? Are flawed characters important in TV and film even if they make us feel bad and weird? Should you talk to your friends about sex and show them your privates for science reasons? We are ultimately the arbiters of both taste and truth, so whatever we said in the episode is objectively the right answer! 

Avatar is aging us, both because James Cameron is a nutcase with a god complex and also because we’ll be 75 by the time all the movies come out. But we’re staying young - despite the absolute horrors of the world and ICE and the federal government - because of vigilante gen z trolls like Connor Eats Pants who are not scared to tear JD Vance to shreds in Twitter comments. Literally eat our shorts. Also! In a surprise twist! As it turns out, hanging out with your mom’s friends can keep you young, too! Try it! They know things, and your mom is literally just a girl who has friends!Our DMMs are giving ~spectrum~ as usual, and our submission is a whole scena worthy of an opera plot. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to [email protected] or @keepmeyoungpod.

Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick 

@popkisstheband

@niconeeek

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to 2026, old! Whether we like it or not, time marches on and we’ve entered another year of Bill Gates’s internet’s analog alternate reality, also known as reality. We hope you’re hydrated and ready for more rants and hot takes and Glee references!

This week, Blake is (r)age-baited by The People’s Reaction to Chappell Roan and Heather refuses to be okay with the low bar of entertainment that Andy and Anderson bring us each NYE. HOWEVER. We are being kept in INFANCY by the ancient (30yo+) queens on this season of Drag Race and those two nice butts I mean boys of Heated Rivalry. And bonus! Not only was Blake scouted by Abercrombie and Fitch as a teenager; he’s also on a billboard in Time Square!! And that’s basically as good as having gay hockey sex in an HBO tv show. We lust after The Old Days of Mumford and Sons, flannel, and infinity scarves and scientifically prove that millennials have always been cringe and have always been HAPPY. Sorry about it. We get vulnerable with some new year’s resolutions, hear the most unhinged DMM we’ve heard to date, and as always, we answer your Q&A as your favorite Queer and Gay. It’s a great year to be alive and podcasting and clinging to sanity by our pinky toenails, folks!

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to [email protected] or @keepmeyoungpod.

Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick 

@popkisstheband

@niconeeek

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Y’all coming on the cousin walk? In this very special holiday episode, Blake and Heather are bringing the pagan/Christmas/Hanukkah/solstice cheer. Feel free to throw us on the living room speakers to get your family to stop asking you when you’re having kids/buying a house/contributing to your 401k! Or (more likely) go outside for a menty health walk to get away from said family and hang with us instead for the length of a very short opera.

This week we discuss Glee’s absolutely unhinged Christmas specials (YES all four), what “fruity pebbles” really means, Donald Tr*mp’s America’s newest patriot Nicki Minaj, how Sex and the City and Jiminy Glick have aged over the years, the benefits of recreational complaining, how emotionally manipulative “The Christmas Shoes” is, and a rapid fire round of our Christmas faves and least faves. Highlights include: Kelly Clarkson, jumping on a trampoline with a golden retriever, and discovering that Hook is, in fact, a Christmas movie.

We are hashtag blessed with a cameo appearance by QUEEN DONNA aka Blake’s mom aka the woman who camped outside Toys R Us for a Wii and let Santa take credit for it. We’ll pick back up with DMM and Q&A next week! Submit your saddest meals and queerest queries to [email protected] or @keepmeyoungpod.

Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick 

@popkisstheband

@niconeeek

@sydneypatrick_

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to [email protected] or @keepmeyoungpod.

Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick 

@popkisstheband

@niconeeek

@sydneypatrick_

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do astrology and Spotify wrapped have in common? Organizing people into groups with fun graphics, mystical and mysterious meanings that are maybe fake, and gay people love to yap about them! Stop gatekeeping and tell us what you’re listening to! 

This week Heather and Blake persevere through the fog of being sleepyheads to chat about their favorite music of 2025, according to a subscription streaming service, the Christmas season and how it brings out the best and worst in media, the pronoun pipeline, and the demon twink behind the White House twitter account. Where do we stand on hating other people’s kids? Are Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders or Mormon Wives America’s actual sweethearts? Is “listening age” just ragebait to make us feel old as hell? It’s working! Mood altering drugs are a strong presence in our depression meals this week but Blake’s mood was changed for the better learning about chomping on dry ramen, thanks to our DMM listener submission. 

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to [email protected] or @keepmeyoungpod.

Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick 

@popkisstheband

@niconeeek

@sydneypatrick_

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to [email protected] or @keepmeyoungpod.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to [email protected] or @keepmeyoungpod.

Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick 

@popkisstheband

@niconeeek

@sydneypatrick_

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

WOKE IS BACK Y’ALL and our pronouns are zoh/ran. Congratulations to NYC for inspiring a nation and having the hottest mayor and first lady we’ve ever seen. 

This week Blake and Heather are basically UN ambassadors, discussing the democrats’ many wins, China’s social media laws, and the ~implications~ of a Saudi Arabian company acquiring EA and The Sims. Go off, poly sci kings! We’re not all brains, though - Heather is holding space for their somatic existence by suffering from seasonal affective disorder. They’re not like other theys!

We love to hate on youtube haters, Blake shows us behind the curtain of gaming sponsorships, Heather actually knows something about GTA! But they heard it on a podcast. JetBlue lets us all down, a listener asks about the line between flirting and cheating, and everyone reeeeeally puts the depressed in Depression Meal Mondays this week. 

Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to [email protected] or @keepmeyoungpod.

Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick 

@popkisstheband

@niconeeek

@sydneypatrick_

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices