After nearly a year of dating, lovebirds Liz and Malcom drive to Malcom’s family cabin for a little getaway. Liz immediately begins to pick up on some strange vibes, both from the cabin and Malcom. Something is definitely off, but at least there is chocolate cake. As Liz learns more about Malcom, she is bombarded by visions of dead women, creepy ghouls, and severed heads. All of this in the name of love, maybe it would have been better to stay single after all.

Keeper’s trailer keeps things pretty ambiguous, and so I had very little knowledge of this film before going in. All I could gather was that this movie was about a woman on a trip with her boyfriend, who is kind of creepy. And honestly, that’s what we get from this movie for the entirety of Act 1 and Act 2. Liz is just mildly bothered by her boyfriend acting strangely, but other than that, there isn’t much to say about it. The director Osgood Perkins is currently making a name for himself with movies like The Blackcoat’s Daughter and Longlegs, but Keeper seems to be something else. While there are mixed reviews for Longlegs (some loving it and others finding it weird and cheesy), what we can all agree on is that Longlegs had some very interesting concepts that make the movie worth checking out. Unfortunately for Keeper, there really just isn’t anything all that interesting about it. It’s a cabin in the woods story, with a domineering, creepy man, and a seemingly helpless yet feisty female protagonist. It almost doesn’t get more cliche than that. I will say that Act Three opens the movie up a little bit more, and the creepy visuals and monster designs were quite scary-looking. But that doesn’t make up for the movie being kind of bland most of the time. Even when it ends up doing something kind of good, the story is still borderline nonsensical. 

Score 3/10