1. We must emphasize the dangers of alcohol
   1. We understand this is a debated matter
      1. All of us agree that drunkenness is wrong
         1. Drunkenness is when alcohol is altering our God given faculties
            1. It controls our emotions
            2. It controls our reactions

              2.  We understand that this is a problem area

              3.  We believe it is an easy matter

1. 1. 1. All of us agree that we are wrong when alcohol is damaging our life and the lives of those around us
      2. Solomon’s main point over and over again is that alcohol is dangerous and should be avoided
      3. It does much damage
         1. One of the leading causes of preventable death in the USA (National institute on alcohol)
         2. 1/3 of fatal vehicle accidents were alcohol related
         3. 174 million abuse alcohol/only 9 million abuse opiods
      4. Financially
         1. It is expensive
         2. It is costly in how it affects work and health and relationships and so forth

              4. We must understand that Solomon is warning us about these dangers:

1. 1. 1. What it does Proverbs 23:29
         1. Also 20:1
            1. It mocks
            2. It rages
            3. It deceives and destroys wisdom
      2. How it happens Proverbs 23:30-31
         1. Linger
         2. Search
         3. Look
      3. Where it leads Proverbs 23:32-35
         1. It bites and stings
         2. It affects thinking and perverts v. 33
         3. It makes you sick v. 34
         4. It leaves you deceived. v. 35
         5. It leads to addiction v. 35
         6. It leads to perverted leadership Proverbs 31:4-5
      4. Where it is acceptable
         1. Proverbs 31:6-7 Medicinally
         2. 1 Tim 5:23

As parents we must emphasize the dangers of alcohol.

Show your children those who have been damaged by it

1. Relationships
2. Car accidents
3. Health failures

Stay away from it.

The Dangers of Anger

We just emphasize the dangers of anger

Here are the main verses in Proverbs dealing with anger:

1. 12:16 A fool's wrath is presently known; but a prudent man coverth shame
2. 14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly
3. 14:17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.
4. 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger
5. 16:23 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty: and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city
6. 19:11 the discretion of a man deferreth his anger: and it is his glory to pass over a transgression
7. 19:18  A man of great wrath will suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again
8. 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman
9. 22:24 Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go
10. 27:3 A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty: but a fool’s wrath is heavier than them both
11. 27:4 Wrath is cruel and anger is outrageous (a torrent - a flood); but who is able to stand before envy.
12. 29:22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression

Lessons learned from these verses

1) We must address our own anger issues: Defeat anger or it will control you and damage you

1. Confess it as the sin it is
2. Take steps to forsake it

2) We must address our children's anger

1. Younger Children
   1. Never ignore anger
   2. Rebuke it
   3. Correct it (determine beforehand)
   4. Teach them how to respond appropriately
2. Older Children
   1. Model correct responses
      1. Strive to live gently
      2. Admit when wrong and ask forgiveness
      3. Take steps to correct yourself
   2. Teach correct responses
      1. Stop and correct every angry response
      2. Teach your children the proper response
      3. Do it every time!
3. We must separate from anger: handle specific areas in specific ways
   1. On a team or in a sport
      1. Be drastic here
         1. Pull them out
         2. Remove them from the team
         3. Remove their privileges
      2. With a coach
         1. An angry coach is a bad influence in your child's life
         2. An angry coach is a lousy role model
         3. An angry coach is carnal
      3. In a relationship
         1. Anger will destroy relationships
         2. Anger is a deal breaker
            1. In friendship
            2. In courtship and dating
            3. Never date a person who gets angry - and certainly don't marry them
            4. Anger that shows up in dating will only compound in marriage
      4. We must learn to handle intense matters properly:
         1. Learn to speak softly
            1. Respond quietly
            2. Speak in a lower voice
         2. Leave an angry situation

Anger will prevent a happy life and a happy family

1) Counsel Is Important

1. Proverbs 11:14
   1. Lack of counsel = a fall
   2. Lots of counsel = protection
2. Proverbs 12:15
   1. It is foolish to act on your own
   2. It is wise to heed counsel
3. Proverbs 15:22
   1. Lack of counsel damages plans
   2. Lots of counsel established them
4. Provers 20:5
   1. Counsel is available
   2. It has to be found "on purpose"
5. Proverbs 20:15
   1. Greater undertakings demand greater counsel
   2. Greater undertakings are successful by counsel

2) Counsel Requires Teachability

1. I should be willing to learn
   1. It is a heart matter
   2. It requires wisdom
      1. Bad counsel - can be tricky
         1. There is a way that seems right
         2. Always evaluate the source
         3. Always evaluate the ending
         4. Always evaluate the consensus
      2. Good counsel - has proof
         1. The end thereof
         2. Get counsel from those who have good fruit
         3. Dave Teis refused to write a book on parenting until his children were grown
         4. Don't learn parenting skills from a novice - a peer - a social media influencer 
2. We should be training our children to listen to counsel
   1. Proverbs 24:5
      1. Wisdom = strong
      2. Knowledge = strength
      3. This requires wise counsel
      4. This requires much counsel
   2. Proverbs 27:9 Friendship is sweet when it includes hearty counsel
3. Where do you find good counsel?
   1. Daily devotions - the Bible
   2. Prayer for wisdom
   3. Hearing the preaching of God's Word
   4. Studying good books written by good authors and published by respected publishers
   5. Learning from successful people
      1. We have talked many times to successful parents to ask for advice
      2. We schedule talks with successful parents
   6. Study history...if something has worked for a millennium, pull from that

Never face difficult situations without much counsel

Consider giving a trusted counselor veto power during times of great difficulty

We must continually protect our children from foolish influences.

1) Internet

• Only when supervised
• Not just for fun
• Not just because they're bored
  • Use Gryphon
  • Use Covenant Eyes
  • Frequently check phones and computer history
    • Keept it random
    • Make it a surprise

2) Social Media

• None is always best
  • How to do it?
    • Get other parents to join you
    • Get your school on board
    • Teach your children to stand alone
  • What to do if you do it?
    • Make it a rite of passage
      • Sign an agreement
      • Write a paper
      • Read a book
        • My Tech-Wise Life
        • Ways your phone is changing you
• Tiktok - dangerous and damaging
  • Emotionally damaging
  • Relationally damaging
  • Legally damaging
  • Purity damaging
• Instagram

3) Music

Have standards

Talk thorugh matters and continually offer biblical wisdom

No one can handle a diet of unBiblical thinking communciated via music

4) Movies

• Be careful
• Always evaluate a movie prior to watching it
• Wait for it to be available via Vidangel or on Clearplay
• Talk about reasons and teach truths

Dave and Bethlie continue their study in Proverbs.  This week, they'll continue their focus on Influences That Kill with a special focus on friendships.

We must protect our children from lousy friends.

• The Simple (they lack wisdom)
• The Fool (makes fun of sin; ridicules righteousness)

Lousy friends can quickly undo everything we teach our children

Better to have no friends than to have lousy ones

Amnon (Old Testament) had a friend and it eventually cost him his life

A good friend does right and helps you do right

We must protect our children from lousy friends

1. Choose their friends
2. Insist they sit with you rather than friends
3. Never allow them to be unsupervised (alone)
4. No overnight in another home
5. No teens alone in a car
6. No teens alone on a trip
7. No teens alone in a room
8. Drop out of sports rather than allow teammates to influence your kids in lousy direction

In this episode, Dave and Bethlie discuss the importance of godly and positive influences in the family. They emphasize the need to shield children and ourselves from negative, harmful influences.

Proverbs 13:20

We must emphasize the blessings and dangers of influence.

Proverbs 1:11-19

Proverbs 9:6

The best influences are those that impart righteousness and wisdom.

Dave and Bethlie discuss words that destroy marriage from Proverbs 12.

Our words can do massive damage:

• When we speak in "never" and "always"
• When we are mean.
• When we make broad assumptions.

Beware of the "norms" in our society

1. Sarcasm
2. Belittling
3. Negativity
4. Unkindness
5. Rudeness

Determine to be different by:

1. Gratitude is healthy
2. Kindness is healthy
3. Sincerity is healthy
4. Gentleness is healthy
5. Respect is healthy

Proverbs 11

Teaching our children to have Integrity

What it is?

1. It is honesty v. 1
   1. The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that one refuses to change (Cambridge Online Dictionary)
      1. Think of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife
      2. Think of Daniel and his three friends in Daniel 1
         1. And again in Daniel 3 when they wouldn’t bow to the false god
         2. And again in Daniel 6 when Daniel prayed even though it meant death
   2. This was an old command reiterated by Solomon
      1. Deuteronomy 25:12-14
      2. Proverbs 16:11 and 20:10
   3. It was a sin addressed by Hosea in 12:7
   4. We must teach our children to always be honest
   5. For us, this was a spanking matter
   6. Matthew Henry says “He is not an honest man that is not devout; he is not a godly man that is not honest.”
   7. Dishonest business dealings are offensive to God
   8. Nothing is more pleasing to God than fair and honest dealing
      1. It models who God is
      2. He will do right every single time . . .
2. It is humility v. 2
   1. Notice that it is the opposite of pride
      1. Nebuchanezzar was severely judged by God for his pride
      2. Herod was as well.
   2. Notice that it is blessed by God
      1. Humility leads us to wisdom
3. It is uprightness v. 3
   1. The word means correct; right; straight
   2. Psalm 25:21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.
4. It  is righteousness. v. 4-6

Why it matters?

1. It guides us v. 3
2. It makes a difference in death v. 4
   1. A good conscience makes the end of ones life easier
3. It leads us to righteousness
4. It counsels us
5. It makes us gracious
6. It makes us generous
7. It brings life v. 30
8. It bypasses judgment v. 32

How do you get it?

1. You train it
   1. Proverbs 20:11
      1. A child either has it or doesn’t
   2. Verse 5
      1. When they get it and mature - it directs their way
      2. Perfect = complete or mature or whole
2. You pursue it
   1. We often have opportunity to pursue integrity . . .
3. You live it
   1. It shows up in how we treat people
   2. In how we run our business

Part 4

Solomon is writing about how to pursue happiness and success- especially in our families

How do we get there?

1. We must emphasize God’s blessings v. 22
   1. We should believe in God’s blessings
      1. v. 25 HE gives an everlasting foundation
      2. v. 27 He prolongs days
      3. v. 28. He gives gladness
      4. V. 29 His way gives strength
      5. 28:20 a faithful man shall abound with blessings
      6. Psalm 107:38
      7. Genesis 12:2; 13:2; 24:35
   2. We should desire God’s blessings
      1. Sometimes they are material/physical
         1. Deuteronomy 8:17-18
         2. We work for these (and save and pray)
         3. We give thanks for these
      2. Sometimes they are spiritual
         1. Love joy and peace
         2. Contentment
         3. Favor
      3. Sometimes they are relational
         1. A good friend
         2. A good spouse
            1. He that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor from the Lord
         3. Children
            1. Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is His reward
         4. In-laws
            1. A good spouse for your children
            2. A family connection that results
               1. Adams, Mundays, Pisneys, and soon to be Gentiles
               2. Bethlie’s parents to me and my parents to her

Questions:

1. How do we balance the idea of God’s blessings and the issue of “bad things” that happen?
2. How do we teach this to our children?
3. Is it ok to think of God’s blessings as material? How do we balance this with the idea that the best ones are not?

In part 3 of this series we see that Solomon is writing about how to pursue happiness and success specifically in our families. 

Question: How do we get there?

1. We must emphasize diligence (Proverbs 10:4-5; 16)
   1. The word
      1. Sharp pointed
      2. Trench - in the sense of dug
         1. A massive amount of difficult work
         2. Time consuming
         3. Physically exhausting
      3. Gold - int he sense of mined
      4. Figuratively - determination, eagerness
   2. Gain requires forethought - diligently
      1. A harvest is an involved process
      2. Preparing the soil
      3. Preparing the seed
      4. Planting the seed
      5. Caring for the field
      6. Waiting for the full growth
      7. Gathering it for the days ahead
   3. Gain requires a process of time and in time
      1. We want our children to develop habvits that lead to success
         1. It is imperative that we ahve goals for our children
         2. Some are spiritual - this requries DILIGENCE
            1. Know God and His Word
            2. Love God and His Word
            3. Fear God
            4. Worship God
            5. Walk with God
            6. Give financially
         3. Some are relational - this requires DILIGENCE
            1. We want you to be sweet
            2. We want you to be kind
            3. We want you to be thankful
            4. We want you to be polite
         4. Some are practicle - this requires DILIGENCE
            1. We want you to learn discipline
            2. We want you learn skills
            3. We want you to learn to handle finances
      2. We repeat our desires and our demands - this requires DILIGENCE too. Repeitition is required.
      3. We model DILIGENCE
   4. Gain requres work (vs.16)
   5. 4:23 Keep your heart with all DILIGENCE
   6. 11:27 he that diligently seeketh good procureth favor: but he that seeketh mischief, it shall come unto him.
   7. 12:24 The hand of the diligent shall bear rule; but the slothful shall be under tribute
   8. 12:27 The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting, but the substance of a diligent man is precious.
   9. 13:4 The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.
   10. 21:5 The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; but of everyone that is hasty only to want.