Kernow Damo

Right, so the Greens for Palestine "Zionism Is Racism" motion has reached its climax as Green party Autumn Conference kicks off tomorrow and its opponents seem to have run out of arguments, though that never seems to ever stop them.

Never letting reality get in the way of a good story, The Murdoch Times has very kindly invented a synagogue ban which they allege is part of the motion. That should it pass, Green party Jewish members will be forbidden from attending Zionist synagogues.

Such rabid nonsense hasn’t been proposed whatsoever, let alone passed. Nowhere is it written in the motion, now slated as motion E02, but apparently, if you believe The Times, Jewish Green members are about to be frogmarched out of their synagogues for the crime of attending a shul with the wrong kind of bumper sticker.

Right, so not content with plundering his weaselly black guts out for Venezuela’s oil, the greed-driven ghoul that is Donald Trump wanted Venezuela's gold in America too, as well as a lot more besides as it happens, rare earth minerals and the likes as well, he’ll try and get his tiny orange mitts on as much as he can. but it’s the gold that is key to this story and another hefty dose of karma to break our tiny violins out over.

The problem for Little Donnie you see is that for as much as he can plunder Venezuela with nobody prepared to stop him, plenty of others don’t particularly want to be complicit in his real life Pirates of the Caribbean remake, The Curse of the Orange Peril, or On Tangerine Tides. Or Dead Man’s Spray Tan. Fill your boots I have.

The twist Captain Jack Satsuma didn’t see coming has come from some American refiners who are refusing to touch Donnie’s cursed gold, because they can't guarantee it hasn't passed through the hands of every criminal, illegal miner, and dodgy operator in Venezuela. Donnie, you aren’t the only pirate after all and the other ones have done you over it seems. No code amongst thieves.

So now, instead of a golden windfall, we've got a pile of unsold bullion gathering dust in US warehouses, with the New York Times reporting that hundreds of millions of dollars' worth is just sitting there, stuck in limbo, like some great big Donnie Jones’ Locker, probably stashed right next to the last freezer-burned Trump Steak and a teetering pile of unsold copies of the Art of the Deal.

Right, so Thailand’s conflict with Israel-linked activity has escalated. Protests over Israeli tourists have been building for months, locals have become increasingly angry, and Phuket’s streets have echoed with calls for Israel to leave. But now the row has moved beyond the street and into building inspections, business investigations and land-ownership checks, because nothing quite sets the alarm bells off like Israel and land procurement these days does it?

Officials have rummaged through the Israeli Chabad House in Patong and, shocker, found the place looks about as much like the approved plans on file as a Picasso painting looks like a passport photo. And it’s not just a case of flagging up a small rear extension either, this has now literally just exploded has now mutated into a hunt for shady shell companies, phantom licences, mystery imports, financial wizardry, and a suspicious breadcrumb trail of Israeli-linked land grabs all across southern Thailand.

Now all of this may surprise some people who still think of Thailand as simply an easy-going holiday destination with no stake in Israeli politics. But in Phuket, Israel’s war on Gaza, a highly visible Israeli tourist presence and local disputes involving visitors and businesses have pushed the issue to breaking point.

Protests, placards and some residents voicing fears that Israeli-linked activity is more than just another tourist market. They see it as a question of local space, local rules and whether outsiders – particularly given Israel’s love a good land grab in Palestine - are beginning to act as if Phuket exists for them too.

Right, so five British men were arrested near RAF Fairford after police spotted three suspicious vehicles and called in the bomb squad and after a round of questioning that probably felt like a particularly grim episode of The Weakest Link, all five were released on bail while the investigation dragged on.

Donald Trump has taken one look at that it seems, helpfully given a cue to do so from our pathetic mainstream media and spotted something of an opportunity. The police had raised the prospect of foreign involvement, the media went ooh, let’s say Iran then! And Trump said he knows the answer, he knows who is involved and insisting Britain should never have let them out.

But the thing is, the detectives running the case have not publicly named Iran, charged anyone, or settled on a motive. They say every possibility is still open as they so often do in so many cases that garner a bit of public attention. Trump has apparently already decided who the villain is, at least until his brain sloshes in his head to another stance or he dozes off mid meeting, but Britain has not even decided what the case even is right now. And so all in all, Trump is once again making a prat of himself over something he hasn’t got a Scooby about, like most things, and is making himself a proper laughing stock and taking us down with him. We let his idiocy make use of this base after all.

Right, so Benjamin Netanyahu strutted into the United Nations, a finger primed to wag at a room full of nations which had already done the diplomatic equivalent of changing the channel.

He could hardly clear his throat before the delegates bolted for the exits as though there had been an announcement of a free bar and a fire drill in the lobby.

Naturally, he called them cowards. Nothing screams moral authority like hurling abuse at the back of people who have already turned their backs on you is there?

Netanyahu tried to shame the United Nations, which responded with a panoramic view of their backsides. Netanyahu must have thought himself so big, so clever. Talking of moral cowardice when his own army only seems to be big and brave when fighting children. The biggest dressing down however has come from perhaps not the first country you’d think of though; Iceland picked up Netanyahu’s insult, gave it a bit of a spit-shine and hurled it right back at him, though I’ll come onto that more in a moment.

What happened was a public diplomatic repudiation. Netanyahu’s attempt to defend Israel’s conduct failed so visibly that delegations chose to leave rather than reward him with an audience to listen to what was an offensive pile of garbage. That weakens his ability to portray opposition to what he’s overseeing as marginal, gives other governments cover to challenge Israel more openly and makes continued support increasingly awkward for its remaining allies. Israel might have kept its UN seat, but Netanyahu well and truly lost the room.

Right, so Andy Burnham arrived at his first Labour Conference as Prime Minister, grinning like a toothpaste model getting their second advert.

Unfortunately for Andy, Palestine protesters had pencilled in a different agenda-one that didn't involve applauding him in any way, shape or form and for whom the Burnham bounce and the honeymoon period, fizzled out a lot faster than for most.

You see the image beaming out of Liverpool isn't Burnham basking in applause for finally riding us of Starmer, policy-wise most of us are struggling to notice the difference, it isn’t Labour at all, something else has taken precedent. It's Robert Del Naja of Massive Attack, parked on the pavement with an anti-genocide placard, getting bundled off by police under terrorism laws. Makes a change from a terror granny or a chap in a wheelchair I suppose.

The most dangerous weapon on display little more than a piece of cardboard and a felt-tip pen. And we’re supposed to believe Liverpool trembles in terror at this.

Burnham inherited this ongoing sick joke of a law, but he’s done nothing to do away with it either, so now he has to own it, and with his government out there still defending the policy, he deserves nothing less.

And judging by how spectacularly this has already now torpedoed his conference, I'd bet he's enjoying it about as much as a wasp in his underpants.

Right, so for months now, Trump has strutted about like a steroid-ridden satsuma and kept insisting that Iran is under pressure; it will break like an overripe melon.

But now, in the face of a shift on the part of Tehran to reopen the Strait of Hormuz within seven days, a deal they have set on the table before Mr Dealmaker, Trump, for whom any pretence of power over Iran, the power of a US threat not really carrying any weight with Iran, he is being faced with a choice where he would rather chew off one of those dayglo orange tiny hands of his, than make.

If you accept the negotiations, it means you have to agree to let Iran get what it wants.

Refuse to do this and keep the oil crisis going, all during the election campaign, very much copping even more blame for it than you were already, because you had a chance to rectify that situation and you chose not to.

So what has he done then Damo? Well, patience, we’re getting to it, but first, here’s the offer made by Tehran that has thrown Trump into a tizzy.

There is little reason to doubt Iran’s position here. Iran holds all the cards, they hold the key to Hormuz, and after Trump attacked it, Tehran has set out exactly what must happen for the Strait to reopen.

Right, so British universities have been insisting for almost three years now, that their Gaza protest crackdowns are all about safety, order and the sacred rulebook, because nothing quite says “academic freedom” like a security guard with a clipboard and a list of forbidden chants.

Universities love to micromanage demonstrations: whether you report in advance, whether you are blocking a door and all of this is very sensible, they say; it’s just campus management. You have to remember that in these places ‘freedom of expression’ apparently comes with a twelve-page risk assessment.

But the real fun starts when ‘disruption’ turns out to mean making a private partner blush, and ‘safety’ stretches to cover spying on anybody who dares to criticise the local arms dealer.

And then, right on schedule, the emails crashed in like a brick lobbed through the window of plausible deniability.

BAE Systems has contacted at least 13 British universities about those pesky pro-Palestine protests. The weapons manufacturer has even produced a presentation laying down what should be said to counter what it calls the “protesters’ narrative”. Universities have a weapons manufacturer write their talking points, I’m sure the debate club will be delighted.

Right, so this was the view from a seat at the United Nations, from the position of Javier Milei, President of Argentina, who a day before had begun to wave flags, threaten legal action, and strut about the United Nations like a rooster on borrowed time. He had been making his moves for the past three days at the United Nations, and in his zeal to create an uproar he had managed to trip himself up, because to Milei’s disappointment and despite his best efforts, the nonsense he was kicking off over the Falkland Islands versus we here in the UK went nowhere fast and all over a certain oil project we’ve got going on there at that.

Whatever your feelings about drilling for oil, the project still trundles along, stubborn as a mule, ignoring the chainsaw-wielding chumps televised tantrum.

It was not a case of Argentine forces digging out old invasion plans and sending the army into action, they haven’t got anything like the forces they once did for that; it was just Milei, trying to distract from his domestic political pressures, which the Falklands are the usual go to beast to provide cover for, for failing Argentine leaders to puff themselves up over.

And he peddled it like some dodgy miracle cure on late-night TV-full of wild promises and zero results.

Milei bellows “illegal” with all the smugness of a Talk TV host getting a grift story out of migrant boats.

Right, so an Israel lobby group has warned the Greens that it is ready to take legal action over their upcoming Conference motion declaring Zionism to be racist. Well, fortunately for we Green members, we get to make policy, and this particular motion, such has been the drive behind it, all in spite of such lobbyist whinging, has meant it has gone straight to the top of the E-motion queue, E-motions in this case not the kind that make you weepy or angry, more the sort that seek to change party policy, but have come from ordinary members, driven by ordinary members and not through the party’s Policy Development Committee. The are the motions that I thik most reflect the wishes of ordinary members to the party itself. And Zionism is Racism is top of the list.

It hasn’t been buried. It hasn’t been ruled out of order. It hasn’t been quietly shoved behind a recycling policy about biodegradable toothpicks.

It is heading to Brighton as the first motion in its category, with the Campaign Against Antisemitism, for it is they, apparently standing by with the legal equivalent of a rolled-up newspaper, hoping somebody will flinch.

Well, we haven’t.

The Greens, particularly Greens for Palestine who have been so intrinsic to this, have marched right past the attempted intimidation and slapped this motion smack bang where members have to deal with it: on the conference agenda.

And that is why the Israel lobby is losing its tiny mind. The pressure was meant to stop the argument before it began. It was filibustered off back in Spring so how could this possibly have happened? Yet once again, their wailing and crying wolf, has amounted to little more than some free advertising. You’ve helped it grow bigger and have more support than it had back in Spring, and still you can’t help yourselves you?

This document is the motion declaring Zionism to be racist, which has made its way through the internal hurdles of the Green Party, not once but twice now, has been hoisted up the flagpole by members, and is now being frogmarched to Brighton for its moment in the sun-assuming the British weather doesn't intervene.