In an episode that serves primarily as a character study of its two hosts, Elijah challenges Vanessa to find the perfect horror pairing for grim samurai masterpiece The Sword Of Doom. After comparing the protagonist to Pinhead, Vanessa pulls a wildcard and pairs it not with Hellraiser, but with The Ritual. But what does being lost in the woods have in common with the journey of a heartless swordsman? What makes David Bruckner's horror so effective? And how did Vanessa land on "Samu-rye"? Find out, in this week's double-feature discussion!  

The official snack pairing for The Sword Of Doom and The Ritual is hot sake and vodka, drunk alternately until you feel introspective.  

This episode was brought to you by the cursed sword Elijah bought at a garage sale.

In an episode that may not be what it seems, Vanessa gives Elijah the unenviable challenge of finding the perfect martial arts movie to pair with John Carpenter's The Thing. After talking about what a hunk MacReady is, Elijah counters with New Dragon Gate Inn. But what does a wuxia film about a power-crazed eunuch have in common with alien shapeshifters? Is Antarctica a desert? And why does Vanessa keep coughing? Hear the answers to all of these questions and more, in this week’s double-feature discussion!  

The unofficial snack pairing of The Thing and New Dragon Gate Inn is xiaolong bao, a dumpling that hides a soupy secret.  

This episode was brought to you by fans of John Carpenter's Starman.

In this seasonally affected episode, Elijah challenges Vanessa to find the perfect martial arts pairing for the final entry in a classic samurai series, Lone Wolf and Cub: White Heaven in Hell. Vanessa counters with one of the best vampire films of the 2000s, Let the Right One In. But what do childhood romance and vampires have to do with the plight of a wandering swordsman? How does it feel to walk The Demon Way in Hell? And how prepared are your hosts to defend themselves from guard dogs? Find out, in this week's double-feature discussion!  

The official snack pairing for Lone Wolf and Cub: White Heaven in Hell is onigiri stuffed with salted plum.  

This episode was brought to you by the grim and inevitable passage of time.

In an episode that is absolutely down with the sickness, Vanessa challenges Elijah to find the perfect martial arts pairing for one of the most Kicking and Screaming movies of 2021, Malignant. After saying the words “backwards parkour” more times than you might expect, Elijah counters with the singularly bizarre early 2000s sci-fi actioner The One. But what do interdimensional doppelgangers have to do with Malignant? How many times did that doctor say “It’s time to cut out the cancer”? And what dubious distinction makes this pairing unique in Kicking and Screaming history? Hear the answers to all of these questions and more, in this week’s double-feature discussion!  

The official snack pairing of Malignant and The One is red twin pops.  

This episode was brought to you by nu-metal.

In an episode with all the trimmings, Elijah challenges Vanessa to find the perfect horror pairing for that Thanksgiving judo classic, Throw Down. After discussing the three Fs of Kicksgiving (Family, Food, and Fighting), Vanessa counters with the giallo masterpiece Opera. But what does this tale of a cursed opera have in common with seedy judokas? Do crows really remember their enemies? And is Vanessa finally going to start doing judo? The answers to all of these questions and more, in this week’s double-feature discussion!  

The official snack pairing of Throw Down and Opera is a piece of burrata you throw onto the floor and then eat off of the floor while muttering dreamily about how you’re not like anyone else.  

This episode was brought to you by the fighting spirit of Kicksgiving.

In this shockingly lifelike episode, Vanessa challenges Elijah to find the perfect martial arts pairing for the underseen direct-to-video gem Pin. After realizing a microphone wasn’t plugged in and losing half an hour of material, Elijah counters with a masterpiece of martial arts mannequins: 18 Bronzemen. But what do bronze shaolin mannequins actually have in common with an anatomical teaching aid? Does Pin feature the best boyfriend in horror history? And how quickly can Vanessa recap the half hour they lost? Find the answers to all of these questions and more, in this week’s double-feature discussion.  

The official snack pairing of Pin and 18 Bronzemen is a cold glass of milk with bronze glitter poured in.  

This episode was brought to you by latex flesh suits.

In this sobering episode, Elijah challenges Vanessa to find the perfect horror pairing for the wine-soaked martial arts masterpiece that is Drunken Master 2. After some frank talks about addiction (Sorry, Grandma!), Vanessa counters with another all-time cinematic classic of violence and spirits, The Shining. But aside from their mutual love of a stiff drink, how much do Jack Torrance and Wong Fei Hung really have in common? Does alcohol make Elijah better at fighting? And is Vanessa really who she says she is? Hear the answers to all these questions and more, in this week’s double-feature discussion.  

The official snack pairing of Drunken Master 2 and The Shining is drunken noodles and an unrelated side of french fries with ketchup. (Best served between 2 and 3am, somewhere between the bar and your house)  

This episode was brought to you by Emilio.

In an episode that is chock full of references to previous episodes of this podcast, Vanessa challenges to find the perfect martial arts pairing for what is easily the best third entry in a nonexistent trilogy, Dude Bro Party Massacre III. After reminiscing on their recent trip to Portland (and clarifying that Crows Zero and Kung Fu Hustle are also acceptable pairings), Elijah counters with a film that totally should have spun out into a trilogy, Kung Fu Killer. But how much does a series of martial arts duels really have in common with Motherface’s rampage? Why do your hosts sound particularly cozy? And what’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened at a film screening Vanessa has programmed? Find the answers to all of these questions and more in this week’s double-feature discussion.  

The official snack pairing of Dude Bro Party Massacre III and Kung Fu Killer is beer and Shin Ramyun Black.  

This episode was brought to you by the city of Portland.

In this seasonal episode, Elijah challenges Vanessa to find a horror pairing for the martial arts slasher Dreadnaught. After rebranding the podcast to a musical parody show, Vanessa counters with the blueprint, Halloween (1978). How much do White Tiger and Michael Myers have in common? Why do Vanessa and Elijah have such different perceptions of Michael Myers? And why does Vanessa keep moving away from the microphone? Find out, in this week’s double-feature discussion!  

The official snack pairing for Dreadnaught and Halloween (1978) is individually wrapped taffy served in a plastic jack-o’-lantern pail.  

This episode was, unfortunately, not brought to you by Benihana.

In this fatherly episode, Vanessa challenges Elijah to find a martial arts pairing for a film that may have the catchiest theme song in slasher flick history, The Mutilator (aka Fall Break). After singing the chorus a few too many times, Elijah counters with Donnie Yen actioner Dragon (aka Wu Xia). But what does this noir-tinged kung fu throwback have in common with The Mutilator? Who is Vanessa’s preferred alternative to Chuck Norris? And what does Elijah’s mustache sound like? Find out, in this week’s double-feature discussion!  

The official snack pairing of The Mutilator and Dragon is oyster shots with Sichuan chili crisp.  

This episode was brought to you by complicated feelings towards father figures.