How Much Do Words Matter?

[show open]

Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan: Yes, how kindness moves you to take action, you yourself, or just makes you feel something so good it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community, or you just love the feeling of doing good.

Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, the podcast brought to you by INC Media. We’re your hosts, LP and Nan.

Nan : Right. Well LP, I’m really excited because we have another special episode today and the topic for today is we’re talking about words. You know from childhood, many of us are taught to speak politely. You know, for example, we say, we’re taught to say “Thank you” say “Please” or you know, ask someone “How are you.?” In general, we’re taught to use kind words and avoid the bad ones, right? But it’s something that becomes kind of second nature. So when we look back at our childhood and, and we think about the words that were spoken to us; maybe the words that we read or even heard, how, how much of an impact did that really make?

Lois Paula: Right. It’s major. Words have an impact. Whether it’s something that we say, whether it’s something that we write, wherever we publish it, wherever we put it out–words have an impact. And you mentioned the words we read and I think we don’t realize, a lot of us, that that’s another avenue for us to receive words right?  Some of us are visual and so that reinforces what we’re ah listening to right? We see it so that it reinforces what we’re hearing, so to say, we read it. But you know when we think about it, ah, even from our earliest days of childhood until now–the words that were spoken to us, the words that we have read or the words that we ourselves have said, they all have shaped who we are and our experiences. They’ve all impacted one another.

Nan : Right. I totally agree and, you know, that entire spectrum of words, you know, good and bad and everything in between has had such an impact you know? And, and that’s why I can’t wait to jump in today’s conversation. You know, not only do we have an interesting topic as I mentioned earlier, we also have some great guests joining us today. Ah, so first we meet an author who has published a children’s book entitled Mr. Awesome Great Day and she currently has another one in the works. So please welcome Rachelle De Dios.

Rachelle: Hi 

Nan: Hi Rachelle.

Lois Paula: You like going by Rach right? 

Rachelle: Yeah, most of my friends call me that and you guys are my friends and everyone listening so.

Lois Paula: Hi Rach. Thanks so much for joining us today. And I think you are our first guest on Kindness Moves who has actually had a book published. Congratulations to you, that’s extremely amazing. You know it’s such a great accomplishment just in itself. Um, and I’d love, we’d love to know–how did this all start? So can you tell us a little bit just about your journey from um, you know, childhood up until now, you’re a published author. How did this all start?

Rachelle: Awesome. Ah, thank you so much for having me and thank you for the kind words. Um, yeah to be honest with you guys I never thought I would create a book, write a book. That was never in the cards for me. But I think the whole, you know, story that I created, and I made, I didn’t realize how much it meant to me and when I started to see my story kind of unfold in my life with, you know, some things that I felt about growing up and how I really wanted attributes to be known more than our titles or attributes to be over our work occupations.I wonder if anyone feels the same because I feel like they might. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to, you know–what do you want to be when you grow up? And there’s a lot of pressure to be a doctor or an engineer or a nurse, and those are all wonderful occupations. But we don’t really talk about the kind of person we want to be, you know? 

Rachelle: We never say I want to grow up and help people, I want to grow up to be kind, I want to grow up to be someone’s best friend. We never talk about that. And when I realized that I– that’s what I ended up doing for a living and kind of going against, you know, some of the norms of jobs that are out there. I was like, you know what, I should write a book about it and see if anyone feels the same way.

Lois Paula: Yeah. And on that note, can you tell us a little bit about, you know, what you do and how that has, you know, just kind of taken a different path and you have individualized yourself to take this path that you are now in and how it’s inspired you to get to your book?

Rachelle: Totally. So no one ever knows what I do and it’s the best. But everyone’s like “What, what does Rach actually do?” Um, so… 

Lois Paula: Here you go let’s set it straight.

Rachelle: Yeah, here we go. Finally I get the moment. No, I’m just kidding. So I work with the brain. I do have a background in speech pathology but I actually don’t work with speech clients. I actually help the–I help the speech pathologist create brain programs for patients for kids. So a lot of, especially children, they have, you know, developmental goals. Everyone has different goals growing up and I get to help create programs for attention, awareness, reading, language and, and kind of going beyond the diagnosis. That’s the best part of my job. You know there’s a lot of diagnosis out there when it comes to healthcare and patients. But it’s not, you know, it’s always about–cool that’s the diagnosis. But what else, you know? You’re beyond your diagnosis There’s so many great other things about people and about kids and if we’re working with, you know, for example, ADHD, um, you know, that means that they can have a lot of great ideas and they’re, maybe they’re like me. But by the way I actually was diagnosed with ADHD growing up so it’s something I love to talk about. But you’ll probably notice that in this podcast, you’re probably going to, you’re probably going to want to stop me from talking because I talk too much. I think that I should have warned you guys before I came on here. Um, but it’s, it’s helped me become more of a people-person. I love creating ideas for my work. It has helped me develop different strategies. I love working with people, meeting new people and that, I think, has been because of how I was, you know, my personality. And some of the things that I had to go through growing up.

Nan : Wow, you know it’s interesting to see too. I mean and, I know we’re still early in this podcast, but there’s, there’s a running theme with you right? There’s, obviously you wrote the children’s book, which is to help young minds and um–but then your profession also is geared towards helping those young minds and I think it’s really awesome. Was there something in particular that kind of, I don’t know, put you on that trajectory, I mean even from your childhood?

Rachelle: Yeah. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up and even when I was in elementary school, high school and then even the beginning of college, I felt like all my friends, they knew exactly what they wanted to do and they had their paths kind of set out for them. But for me, I never knew, I never really knew what I wanted to do. I Just knew that I wanted to have, you know, a greater purpose. Um, and then of course everything that I ended up doing too, I always want to relate it also to church right? So um, helping people, using faith as a big motivator in my career was something that I really wanted to see if I could, if I could channel,  and I think that’s what kind of led me here.

Nan : Wow that’s awesome. It sounds like it’s been quite the journey and, you know, you mentioned faith, you mentioned even at a young age you were–kind of that was one of your motivations right? So It’s been that journey. So if we could continue on, just on the childhood part. Was there anything from your childhood that really influenced your view on kindness? 

Rachelle: Totally. And let me know if I’m, if I’m rambling again. 

Nan : No no, you’re not. You’re not.

Rachelle: Um, so when I was growing up, we lived with my grandparents and so I’m an only child… 

Nan: Me too, me too. 

Rachelle: Oh are you? High-five. Yeah.

Nan:  Yep, high-five, high-five.

Rachelle: Yeah, there’s a lot of connotations to that but high-five. Yeah, we made it. Um I was an only child, but I was also the eldest of the grandkids and there was like a huge gap, like I think it was like, nine years until my family, until I had a cousin basically. So I copied everything my uncles and aunts did. I, you know, I always watched what my grandparents did. And my grandparents were known as the family in the church that let everyone stay at their house for free when they moved.

Nan : Nice.

Rachelle: So like, you know, when people would travel to Michigan, that’s where I’m from, there would be a lot of brethren that were just starting off in like their career or in their life. So a lot of you know, a lot of brethren in the church would be like “Oh you know Sister Fely and, you know, and Brother Roberto, they’re really known for helping people get on their feet.” And I would always see different brethren at my grandparent’s house and, you know, whether they were eating dinner with us, or having lunch with us, or just hanging out and watching TV with us, I would know that my grandparents were helping them out in some way. And I feel like that really stood out to me forever because I was young. I would see so many different families from the age when I was–I saw so many different families when I was only maybe four years old or five and I would see them, you know, kind of get their life started and then they would, you know, they would leave and would always come back and visit and always look for my grandparents. And yeah it was, it was kind of nice.

Lois Paula: And you saw it, and even though you didn’t understand it quite then, now looking back, you’re like okay, that’s why they did that. And it was because of their hearts, and now you see that as the example to follow, obviously, and you want to, ah you know, continue that? 

Rachelle: Completely. Yeah, I’m super big on inclusivity, and I always wondered why. And then I’m like okay it was, it was totally my grandparents and also my parents too. But it was such a big thing in that household–was to make sure that everyone felt included and everyone had a place to stay.

Lois Paula: Um, thank you for sharing that part of your childhood that’s influenced you and now, you know, looking at your path and your trajectory towards–okay, you want to make a difference yourself, and you found your own individualized way and that’s, ah you know, through speech, through the brain, through the mind right? And you are now a clinician in the space where you get to develop these programs to help and serve in that way. When you look now at your focus on words, you know, this particular ah conversation that we’re having is why words matter so much, right? So when you think about connecting the two, you know, your childhood and the examples that your grandparents really were setting and then looking at your love for the way that words impact–was there something along the way also that really stuck with you in terms of, you know, the way people spoke to you or something that stuck out in your childhood that you read perhaps; that you were like, “You know what? Words, this is my jam, like this is my lane and I want to continue on it because they matter, and I’m going to go here.”

Rachelle: Totally. Yeah. Um, actually when I was growing up, my mom always used to tell me, “Everyone matters.” And it’s so funny that this is the title, how much do words matter. And I promise you I was going to say that whether I knew the title or not.

Rachelle: But my mom always used to tell me everyone matters and um, that actually is what I kept with me for so long with work and with what I wanted to do. Everyone matters. So from the, from any like ah, you know, your teacher, your, even at the restaurant, the waiter, the waitress, the one that’s taking your order or if you’re at the store, the cashier, everyone matters. And I, that’s actually why I even developed and created this book was because everyone matters and I feel like sometimes that, you know, a lot of people forget about that. And even as ourselves, we get nervous of what we want to be when we grow up because sometimes we kind of look at the title only. But we don’t, we don’t think about the other parts that makes people matter. And yeah, and everyone matters. That’s kind of stuck out to me.

Nan : Wow, That’s really cool. You know, just that mindset and just having that be your guiding, kind of like your north star right–is everyone matters. It applies, across the board, to like, almost every facet of our life and I think if you conduct yourself in that way, you can’t really go wrong. So thanks for sharing those moments with us. You know I never really stopped to think about those moments in my life until this conversation. You know, thinking about our childhood and reflecting on just those memorable experiences that shaped our outlook on kindness, so you know, especially when I think about words or words that I’ve read. So speaking of reading, and I know we’ve mentioned it ah, but let’s take ah a bit of a deeper dive into the moment you decided to write your book and kind of the moments leading up to that. Like, what was the catalyst for your decision to write a children’s book? Like, what made you say, “Hey, I’m going to write a children’s book.”

Rachelle: Yeah I will be honest I think because of the pandemic–I, I’ve always wanted to. Like, you know, it’s not like I’ve always wanted to write a book, but I’ve always wanted to get my word out there whether it was like a blog or whether I was telling the story I, you know again, I think it’s the older cousin in me. I wanted them to know, like, it’s going to be okay. But because of the pandemic I was like, hey you know I’ve worked from home, we’re not going anywhere, I’m inside, maybe I can write a children’s book and see where it goes.

Nan : Very cool.

Lois Paula: And just knowing that; because you can take your words anywhere, you can write a song, you can post it on social media these days you know, but you chose to go the book route which is beautiful because then, now, you’re not only reinforcing, you know, a positive mindset; you’re not only reinforcing kindness and the message of your book, but you’re reinforcing reading, you know, and continuous education. So I think it’s beautiful and it’s so exciting that you’re not only a published author now, and you’re using all that inspiration, but you have another book in the works. Is that correct? Can you give us a little preview of what that will be?

Rachelle: Yeah, um, so again, I was, like I said, I never pegged myself as an author but because of the response of the first book, I was like, wow, this is kind of making a difference you know. Because there’s been a lot of people that have said, “Wow, that actually resonated with me.” So I decided, you know, another big topic that really related to me and a lot of the things that I go through. Without giving too much away, um, it is going to be called Miss Mountain. So it’s going to follow the same kind of, you know, Mr.Awesome Great Day; this one’s go to be titled Miss Mountain. Um I’m still playing around with the title, but it is, it does actually have to deal a lot with, you know, it has to deal with a lot of the things that we carry in life. And maybe we can realize that we don’t have to carry so much. Maybe that, you know, just, we can kind of go through life knowing that we don’t have to do it all. I guess that’s the best snippet I can give for now.

Lois Paula: I can’t wait already.

Nan : Cool. Well no spoilers right? No spoilers.

Lois Paula: I know. I can’t wait already. And you know, just reading some of the reviews for your first book online like, if I can just read really quickly, read some snippets–it’s just people are saying that there’s such a realistic but wholesome message, and it’s such a great message to show all the kids, and it really starts a great conversation and serves as a wonderful reminder to all parents to simply be a good parent–a good person, excuse me, to simply be a good person. And again, the reviews, you know, go on and on. But we’re very excited for you Rach and all that you’re doing. And again, you could choose to do anything with your words or not, you can keep them in your diary. But you choose, you make the choice to let kindness move you and allow your words to be used as the instrument to move other people. So how does it feel that at the end of the day you’re able to do that for other people–for parents, for children alike?

Rachelle: Awesome! Thank you. Thank you again for your kind words. Um, but it means a lot. I, like I said, when I first wrote the book it was just to kind of have out there–maybe give as a gift to some of my friends, my cousins that always struggle with that question of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” But when I got the responses of, you know, “Thank you. Like I still feel like I was lost even now being in college. Not sure what I want to do.” Even I’ve had adults that have been working in their job for years and they didn’t really feel proud of it. But then when they look back, they’re like, “Wait a minute, I am making a difference and I am doing something I am proud of.” And when I got responses like that I was just like, oh my gosh, like I’m not alone. That was the main thing. I’m, I’m not alone. It wasn’t this, like I said, I never really knew what I was going to do and even when I was in my job, no one really could give an exact name or title to the position that I was doing. I just knew that I was helping people and that was fine and that was fine with me and for people to find passion in what they’re doing, not because of the titles, but because of what they’re doing and who they’re helping, that was so huge to hear that kind of feedback.

Nan : That’s so amazing to hear you know and it’s refreshing to hear too because you’re right. You know, there’s a lot of focus on titles and what those titles might imply right? But you know, when you really look at who you’re helping and how you’re helping people, you know, that just brings a whole, ah, different perspective and I think it’s really awesome. And I did want to point out um, earlier when you were talking about the second book that you’re working on–that the feedback that you got from the first book was a pretty much a bit of an inspiration for you to continue with that second book right? So I just want to highlight that words do matter. Because it inspired Rach to continue with her book.

Rachelle: Totally.

Nan: So you know as we mentioned earlier we are asking, ah, how much do words matter? You know, what are your thoughts on how much words truly matter, especially given your, you know, your professional career and then also your second, I guess, career as an author. So yeah, how much do words matter?

Rachelle: Words matter. Yeah, words totally matter. Um, especially when you are trying to talk to people that feel the same kind of things that you do, or they’re experiencing the things that you’re experiencing. But words completely matter and I think the best thing that I’ve seen is that when you actually are able to talk to people that feel the same way and that they’re they have the same journey, it matters even more because you’re, you know you’re gaining more trusted people you’re seeing that people have the same interests, you’re seeing that people have the same goals, the same struggle. Um, but I think the biggest takeaway for me when it comes to words is that they stay. So whether you’ve said something to someone in the past; whether it was something that you’ve heard growing up, it matters and it’ll stick with you. And the kindness that I’ve seen through my family or my friends or the things that I’ve learned in Church, it’s so amazing to me that some of those words that I’ve heard growing up or that I’ve heard in, you know, Children’s Worship Service–they’ve stayed, and they’ve surfaced in my thirties and I think the main thing is, and I’m so glad you guys are doing this podcast because kindness really does matter. And I’ve seen so many people also in my field of healthcare where you have to treat everyone with that kindness and with that respect no matter what they’re going through; and you also have to remember that you don’t know what they’re going through, so to approach people and to talk to people with kindness, it’s really going to stick with them, and it’s really going to stay with them, and even though you don’t, you might not even know that you’ve touched their life in a certain way, and I’m sure there’s so many people in my life that they have no idea that their words have actually changed my life. But it stayed, and I think that’s why I really wanted to write this book, and I’m so glad that the Church has a podcast just like this because it’s going to stay and I, you know, I’ll probably have people listen to this and you probably have people listening to you where they don’t even realize that things that they’re experiencing or the words that they’re saying to people are words that have been said to them–it all stays and it all matters. I hope that made sense.

Nan : Now that that made total sense, and you know that entire process, it’s clear that the entire process has been inspiring for you. But the even cooler part is that it, not only has it been inspiring for you, it’s clear that it’s been inspiring to your readers right, to your readers. And I’m sure now even, your patients um, have also experienced that, I’m sure, from you and just the way that you passionately explained that. So I think that’s really awesome, and we’re so glad that you’re with us today. Um. And you’ve already shared with us some of the details about the, this upcoming book. Um LP, did you, is there something you wanted to share about, I think you were talking about adding this to a reading list, and I know you have 2 little ones, is there something that you wanted to share with that?

Lois Paula: Yes, absolutely. I do have 2 little ones. I have a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old.

Rachelle: Awesome.

Lois Paula: Um and we are constantly just on this path of okay, what words can we say today that we didn’t say yesterday, or what’s sticking, and what’s not, you know? So really understanding the depth of how much words matter and the way, like you mentioned, the tone that it’s delivered in and really assessing, ah you can choose anything to say or not. You know, you can choose the silence, or you can choose to be more straightforward and direct in your words. But it’s the fact that you not only acknowledge it, but now you’re taking action and I think that’s what is really exciting about Kindness Moves–is we meet individuals who are from different ah backgrounds in their life, different ages. They have different professions, but they use the professions, and then they use their faith, and they somehow find the inspiration to make both worlds, ah you know, intertwine. You know, and their faith inspires them in their professional lives and their professional lives inspire them in their faith, and it all comes full circle, and they’re able to just use it to move other people in their lives. And they choose, like I mentioned earlier, they choose to use their passions in a different aspect. You don’t have to spend your time, your extra time writing a book. You can focus on your work. But you choose to take your passion and now make your words matter even more.

Lois Paula: And so now you know we ask a question to our listeners like, what will you do today? You know if you have an extra 5 minutes if you have an extra 30 minutes, how will you make your words matter? Is that sending a text to someone? You know, is that writing a handwritten note and leaving a post-it, you know, on your neighbor’s car? You know, how are you going to make your words matter? Are you going to address the first person that you see in the morning and ask them genuinely, “How are you feeling?” Or are you just going to walk by because you’re running out of time? You know, we’re so, kind of in this world of we’re rushing, we’re rushing, we’re going, we have so many things to do. But ah, you know, listening to you speak Rach, just listening to all our guests and really being reminded that, you know, taking that moment to acknowledge the other, you know, person and acknowledge what other people are going through; just being aware of that, it matters and the words very much matter.

Nan: If I could share too, there’s intention, right? Like, I keep going back to the way, Rach, that you described um your outlook on people and titles and how, you know, it’s not about the title, it’s about what they’re doing and how they’re doing it, right, and how they’re helping. Um so the same can be applied to just kindness in general right? There has to be an intention to it. It’s an intentional act of being kind and, like what LP said, we’re not asking someone how they’re doing just for the sake of asking. Like, we genuinely and sincerely want to know, “Hey how are you doing?” Um, so I think it’s been so great hearing your outlook and hearing how kindness, and how words really matter, especially in so many different aspects of your life. Um, so thanks so much for sharing that with us.

[music transition]

Lois Paula: Well for this segment of our podcast, we have a special guest who is revisiting us on Kindness Moves podcast. She is a Clinical Psychologist, and she joined us in our previous episode The Healing Power Of Kindness and if you haven’t taken a listen yet, you should go back to your episode playlist and listen. But we’d like to please welcome Dr. Sydney Fontanares. Hello again.

Sydney Fontanares: Hi

Nan : Hi Dr. Sydney.

Sydney Fontanares: Thank you for having me again 

Lois Paula: Yes, so great to have you back. How are you?

Sydney Fontanares: Well, I’m glad to be back. It’s always fun working with the both of you and chatting.

Nan : Yes, it’s always fun having you. 

Lois Paula: Yes, and we have been looking to having you back on because we’ve actually been chatting–ah, you know, last time we talked about the healing power of kindness and today for this episode, we’re actually now asking the question–how much do words matter? Um, and you know of course in your profession, this is, as a clinical psychologist, this is very important. So we’d love to get the expert advice and just, you know, the insight from you. Earlier we heard from Rachel, and we learned you know in her perspective as an author, also as a clinician, how words are very important. Um, but from your perspective as a clinical psychologist, how much do words matter? You know, why are they so powerful and does this even change you know from childhood to adulthood?

Sydney Fontanares: Yeah, um to start off with the first part of your question LP; words are, they matter a lot.

Lois Paula; Yes, that’s it period done 

Nan : Ah, and that’s a wrap that’s a wrap.

Lois Paula: It’s a statement that’s so loaded. Yes I agree.

Sydney Fontanares: Um, they matter so much, I don’t even have the words to express it. Um, but in my field, I work as a clinical psychologist or as a therapist, um we use our words as a form of healing, a tool of healing. 

Sydney Fontanares: We do talk therapy, and what we say to our patients, or my patients, can be very helpful in their journey of recovery with their mental health issues. Um kind of um, you know, why are words so powerful? And I would start off with because humans are, are social creatures. How we are, how we, I guess survive, and interact in the world is the way we communicate, how we speak to one another–we communicate about our needs, our wants, excuse me, um you know, our dislikes. We communicate, um you know, ways you know to stay safe, and we’re not able to do that without words. Um, and then so that’s why it’s so important.It makes it, it helps us be able to journey through this world and, you know, get through life. Without words it would be a little bit more difficult, or at least a way to communicate would be a little bit more difficult.

Sydney Fontanares: The question is–does this change from childhood to adulthood? I don’t think so. I think how we use our words is something to be mindful um, throughout our entire lives. Even the way, a big example is how parents communicate with children. I say this because I work with all adults. And part of the work that we do in therapy is talking about how we were spoken to as children. Because a lot of times what we do when we look at thoughts or beliefs that, um, that surround anxiety–whenever we feel anxious or depressed, we think of like, of the words that were used to us on kind of like how they’re all associated. Um, a lot of the work that I do is called CBT which is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And one of the ways that we work with patients is looking at specific thoughts or statements, and we have to use words to be able to um, to I guess portray those statements or core beliefs. And part of where we get those statements are, you know, what are the things that your parents have told you while you were growing up? You know how, is this associated with anxiety that you experience now or your self-esteem? Ah, they’re all associated. I hope that these are all making sense. It makes sense in my brain.

Lois Paula: No, it does.

Nan: That makes sense totally.

Lois Paula: It’s already, you know, bringing back emotions just hearing that because there are things that each of us, you know, remember very specifically hearing that, you know, was either positive or negative, and it has, it now, as adults, it triggers certain, you know, emotion, it triggers a certain reaction as well, and it impacts the way that we react when we’re retold and or when we hear those things you know, restated to us, or we see it just, you know, visually on paper. So definitely.

Nan : Right, and it could even be a word, but not necessarily the word, but the way the word is said right? I mean.

Sydney Fontanares: Yes. Yeah, yeah, the nonverbal piece. I believe the fact or the statistic or what they say is nonverbal is eighty or ninety percent of communication. The rest are the twenty, ten percent are words. So even the way how our facial expression is, the tone of voice, how we approach the person can affect the way we communicate with another person. So in going back to what LP was saying, like how words can trigger certain emotions, yes, the words are very triggering, or they queue up a feeling or a memory that’s associated with that word usually. Um, sometimes, ah the word ‘No’; the word ‘No’ is actually a very simple word but can actually trigger a lot of negative emotions. First of all, the way it’s said too, of course, so, and it’s yeah, it’s kind of funny too because I have ah, I have a 3-year-old that is communicating a lot, and now I’m communicating to her the word ‘No’ and I’m trying to be mindful of how I say no or even try to decrease how much I say no because just knowing that this is, you know, the way I say it is going to be something that she might store in her memory and bring up certain things for her.

Lois Paula: And that’s what’s so great about just exploring the weight of words, right? And how much, like you mentioned earlier, the different tones, the different configurations of the statement. You know, whatever it is that we want to say we have many choices of how to say it. And they all mean, you know, differently. But it really does, it has an impact positively and or negatively, and it can be stronger or received you know, better or more impactfully depending on the words that we pick, and we have that choice. Every single day, every minute, and  sometimes we’re not even thinking about it and we choose the incorrect one because, for whatever reason, we just, you know, don’t choose the other one. Um.

Sydney Fontanares: There is something that I’ve read about, there is something called like a negative bias where ah humans are actually more primed to go into the negative route, and we store ah, more of, more negative experiences into our memories. It’s supposed to be a way for us to be prepared. Like we want to be more prepared to like fight or flight. Um, so it does take a lot of work actually, to really be intentional about, like, of using positive words and things like that.

Nan: Yeah that’s, that’s interesting. Yeah, and that makes sense. It’s more for self-preservation. You want to know what’s going to hurt you or kill you, right? So you know, and I think that’s really interesting. Um, and I think you kind of mentioned it earlier. You mentioned that there was a study and I know we’re talking about how much words matter–it’s pretty difficult to quantify that. But are there other studies or other examples that you’ve come across through your entire professional career that kind of highlight how much words matter?

Sydney Fontanares: Yeah, there was one study that I came across. It was a study in 2010 in Germany and the study was called–Do Words Hurt? Um, and it comes from that saying you know, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” And the question is–do words, can words hurt? And what they find is that it can. It looks like negative words release stress and anxiety-inducing hormones. 

Lois Paula: Ah.

Sydney Fontanares: So they um, yeah, they took, I forget how many subjects, and then they presented words to them; neutral words, positive words, negative words, and then pain-inducing words, and they did; and then they also scanned their, it’s called an FMRI, just to see like the functioning of the brain, and then they saw that the brain would release hormones that are stress and anxiety-inducing when they showed the pain-inducing and negative words.

Lois Paula: Yeah, so there is a physiological kind of change happening.Is there more to it, that we can try to help ourselves to choose the good versus the bad?

Sydney Fontanares: Yeah. No, I agree. Sometimes you just have to remove that from your life and be very intentional of even the, your social circle, and who is in there, and you know what kind of words they say to you. Um, and not only just the external, these external pieces too. But also the words that we use for ourselves. Like, how do we talk to ourselves? And what words we use for that? Again, that can be a reflection of the words that, you know, were said to us growing up or even the words that are said to us currently. And being intentional about how we, ourselves, use words for others and how we communicate with others, including our spouses, our children especially. Um, you know, since we’re talking about like the neuroscience, you know, our kids’ brains are just, they’re forming every day and, so again, being able to… 

Lois Paula: Ah, words matter. 

Sydney Fontanares: They do, they really do, and it’s, I’m very passionate of it. It’s you know, every time I work with an adult patient, that’s what we work on. We’re we’re working on the statements that were said to them in the past and challenging them and trying to make them positive because they’re, these negative words, they have proven not to be helpful for them. It gets in the way of their daily functioning. It prevents them from, to see, you know, joy or to you know experience good things and see good things. So yeah.

Lois Paula: Well in that regard, if you have a piece of advice that you can share just knowing the impact that words have from childhood all the way, you know, the lasting impact into adulthood, what’s one piece of advice if we can try? You know, not so, it doesn’t have to be so large, but like what’s one thing that all of us can do every, like right now or today to just change those maybe not so good habits–um, you know, or try to just be more mindful of the words that we choose to say?

Sydney Fontanares: I would, first of all, just start writing like, you just write three pages a day right in the morning. Um, just continue to write. Some people choose not to read over it, but I would read over it and just to see how the words that, what words are you utilizing, what words are you using to describe other people or yourself. And you start to maybe start to see patterns there and that’s probably where I would start off just to see where you’re at with kind of the words that you use. And the question is like are there places that you can rephrase things where it is more kind to yourself or another person or more positive? So yeah.

Lois Paula: And that’s a great tip. I love that because it’s not until you read back or reanalyze, just in terms of all of our self-reflection; especially, you know, being Christians in the Church Of Christ, we are always reminded to reflect, right? And so I think that’s a great tip to just write because then sometimes people have ah, challenges communicating, right? They don’t know how to talk about how they feel. And so when they’re in certain issues and conflicts with other people, they don’t know how to get their feelings across properly, and then it’s misunderstood. But it’s just because they don’t know how to say it properly and possibly because they’re not practicing enough. So I think you’re right. Writing is a great tool to just get it down, reassess later, and you know, grow and learn and try to improve, you know, day by day. So what a great tip.

Nan : I think, if it wasn’t clear before our conversation, it’s crystal clear now that words really matter.

Lois Paula: And we all are a work in progress and Dr. Sydney Fontanares is here to tell us that it matters, and we have to work at it. There’s a constant, conscious effort that we always have to put forth to improve the way we communicate so that we can use the best words possible because they matter.

Nan:  Yes.

Sydney Fontanares: They certainly do.

Lois Paula: Well thank you so much for joining us. Is there anything else you wanted to add in our discussion today?

Sydney Fontanares: I don’t. I hope I added enough.

Nan: No that was great. Thank you Dr. Sidney. We really appreciate it. 

Sydney Fontanares: No problem. I’ve enjoyed my time.

Lois Paula: But yes, we’d like to now, at this point, you know that was so beautiful to hear that insight as well. But we’d like to now welcome back Rach to our discussion where, you know earlier in the episode, we discussed her passions um, from her profession, and how as a child she’s allowed her inspirations from childhood to move her into now authoring a book and combining the two worlds of, you know, her profession with her passion, okay, and using that to move her. Um, so Rach, we actually have one more question for you and Nan will take it away.

Nan: Yeah, you know, before we end the show. We ask some of our guests this question, not everyone, but it is always an interesting question to ask even ourselves. So we wanted to ask you–what would you tell your fifteen-year-old self knowing what you now know today? You know, what would you tell your fifteen-year-old self about, you know, how things are going to play out, how kindness has played such a major role in your life or whatever it might be? What would you tell your fifteen-year-old self, knowing what you know now?

Rachelle: Wow my fifteen-year-old self–you guys should see what I looked like when I was fifteen, there’s a lot of things to say.

Nan : Prove it, prove it, prove it. (laughter)

Rachelle: (laughter) Ok I will. I’m going to show you guys. But honestly, if I could tell my fifteen-year-old self, I would let her know that it’s going to be okay. I think that would probably resonate. It’s a simple sentence. But if my fifteen-year-old self would know that it’s gonna work out, and it’s going to be okay–and actually a big quote that I live by is “faith over fear”. That’s my main, I’ve lived through, that quote has been in my life for years, I think since maybe I was like twelve years old. Um and if I could tell my  fifteen-year-old self that, just keep remembering that, “faith over fear”. It’s going to be okay. God’s got you. That’s what I would say.

Nan : That’s awesome.

Lois Paula: Very beautiful. Thank you. And actually, last question–you know, as an author, as a Christian as well, you know, how has your faith been that underlying, you know, inspiration-motivator. How has it affected you in your career path and in the words that you speak of, that you write?

Rachelle: Totally. I always promised myself that even when I took this job in California, that was, by the way, something really difficult to do. We’ll speak on that on another podcast, another episode. But leaving my family in Michigan was really hard to do to take this job. But I promised myself that no matter what job I took or what career path, it would never hinder my faith. Um and I feel like, you know, being in the choir, I’m actually an organist, there are so many times that I wanted to quit, and I wanted to give up because when you’re so busy with work, and you’re trying to make a career for yourself, it’s a lot to handle you know? Especially with having a duty. But I’ll never forget that all those times that I’ve worked with choir mentors or where I’ve had choir practices or we’ve obviously been in worship service and we’re listening to the lessons–there’s so many applicable things in my faith that have helped so much with my job and with with work and the the way that my career is. And I would never, I don’t think I, actually know, I don’t think I know–I know that I would never be in the position I am today if I was to let go of those duties. I know that and and I can speak to that because when I’m speaking to patients and I’m thinking of, you know, how to help them and I’m thinking of you know the kindness again that I’m I’m saying to them or if I’m thinking of, you know, how to lead meetings at work or if I’m thinking of listening to different clients or different employees; it’s all through how I would be at church. It’s all through what I’ve learned through church; how to be respectful, how to talk to people, how to have patience, how to have faith. It all came from my duties and from God.

Nan : Well I think it’s awesome and thank you LP for even bringing that up as well because you know, this whole theme of words being such an important part of your life, it’s even more clear now. You know, you being an organist right? You’re surrounded by words, the hymns and whatnot. Um, and then also obviously attending worship services, we hear the word. Um, So yeah, if you can speak on that. Just how impactful has it been in that regard right? Hearing the words–we spoke earlier about hearing words that have shaped us and kind of molded us. Can you share a little bit of that as well?

Rachelle: I think many would agree that, I’m sure, a hymn or a lyric from one of our hymns in our worship services have got them through something in their life. I know a lot of times, when I was low or I wanted to give up, I would think of a hymn that resonated so much with my life and, you know, getting through it and giving it all to God and you know never giving up and having faith. Every time that I would face difficulty or a trial or a challenge in my life, I would think of those words that I’m singing to God or I would think of those worship services. I feel like also there, I feel like maybe if you guys experience this too, where you are going through something so strong and then all of a sudden that worship service you attend, the hymns are pertaining to that.

Lois Paula: That’s perfect. It always lines up the exact verses that we needed to hear from the Bible to tell us exactly what to do at that moment in our life.

Rachelle: Exactly exactly exactly exactly. And it’s as if God was speaking to you right? Then and there and it’s exactly what you needed and then yeah, you think to yourself, why would I ever give this up? Why would I ever give my duty up? Why would I ever give my faith up when He’s the one that got me here. He’s the one that’s helping me. So you’re absolutely right to ask that question. Words matter because it, whether it’s from God through the bible verses, whether it’s from hymns that we’re singing, it all connects.

Lois Paula: And we’re so grateful for the inspiration that you again are not only sharing with us but you have shared and you’re being an instrument through the words that you’re writing you know, and in your local congregation of the Church Of Christ there now in Northern California and, of course, from your roots back in Michigan. We’re just grateful for your joining us today Rach yeah.

Nan: Thanks Rach.

Lois Paula: Excited for your next book. Ah.

Rachelle: Thank you so much I know we got to get started. It’s still a draft form. It’s–there’s papers all over the place but it’s happening. It’s getting there.

Nan: I can’t say it enough and you know what’s interesting at the end of each podcast LP was saying how awesome all of our guests have been and you are no exception. You have been so awesome and LP and I, every time we come to the close, we’re just like in awe, you know? Because all of you are so special and you all have such amazing journeys and amazing insight. So I can’t say it enough. Yeah.

Lois Paula: Thank you so much Rach. We appreciate you joining us. We’re so grateful. Thank you.

Rachelle: Thank you guys.

Nan: Thank you to our listeners for joining us on this episode of Kindness Moves. We really hope you enjoyed it. I know I did. I know LP did. And don’t worry. There are more discussions to come.

Lois Paula: Yes, please stay tuned for more. There’s many more stories to come and to share. So if you like also the tips that you are hearing follow @incgivingproject Instagram account for weekly inspiration. So thanks for tuning in. I’m Lois Paula.

Nan : And I’m Nan. Also, again, thank you for joining us and for more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness contagious please visit incgiving.org and if you want to listen to more awesome episodes like today’s episode ah you can listen to the Kindness Moves podcast on Google Podcast, Apple Podcasts and the INC Media mobile app for iOS or Android. Please also remember to subscribe or follow us to know when the newest episodes are available.

Lois Paula: Remember, act now. Make your move to do good because kindness matters. It’s meaningful, it motivates, kindness moves.

[show close]

Learning Kindness From Parent-Child Bonding

[show open]

Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan: Yes, how kindness moves you to take action, you yourself, or just makes you feel something so good it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness. You might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good. Hi everyone!

Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts LP and Nan. Now in a previous episode we discussed how to teach kindness to kids.

Lois Paula: And in that discussion we met Teresa and learned about her daughter Katelyn and the importance of, you know, fostering a child’s urge to share kind acts. Now in today’s episode we continue the discussion of sharing acts of kindness with your child but we dive a little bit deeper and shift the perspective now to a father–a father of three who actively encourages his children to join outreach efforts that help their community. Now, as a mother, that’s something I inspired to do because it’s, it’s really these kinds of activities that promote, you know, parent-child bonding and teach kindness at the same time.

Nan: Yeah, you know, I’m really, really glad that we’re continuing this discussion LP because it’s such an important topic right? I mean parent child bonding and being able to do these acts of kindness together. But I’m even more excited because we get to hear from a father. You know sometimes the perception is that it’s generally the mother that children learn kindness from, which I totally understand. You know, I learned a lot from my mom about kindness and being caring and she really influenced me greatly. But I would also like to highlight all the dads out there that make it a point to teach kindness, you know.

Lois Paula: Yes.

Nan: My dad definitely took the time to teach me those lessons so I just wanted to highlight all the dads out there and also tell my dad thank you. So thanks dad!

Lois Paula: Yes, yes, that’s right. Now speaking of dads, shout out to all of the fathers, to all of the husbands out there. Just want to say thanks to my husband as well. You know, you’re right. We really do try our best to take every opportunity to be, you know, the best parents. But there are a ton of dads out there, you know, who are doing the same thing–trying to set a great example. And it just so happens that we are meeting one today. Yes! So he joins us all the way from New Jersey, let’s welcome Ted Pascual. Hi Ted.

Nan: Hi Ted.

Ted Pascual: Hello Nan, hello LP. Thank you for having me here today.

Nan: We’re so so excited to have you. 

Lois Paula: Yeah.

Nan: You know we’re really happy that you could join us today all the way from New Jersey and I mentioned earlier that I was really excited to have you on the podcast. 

Nan: As a father, you’ve encouraged volunteering and acts of kindness, which I’d like to highlight even more because we have all the awesome moms, but I also want to show all the awesome dads. And before we jump into your fatherhood though, I would like to start from the beginning–if you could tell us a little bit about your childhood. Who or what were your biggest influences when it came to your outlook on kindness?

Ted Pascual: Well okay, so just to go back on what you guys were saying–yes, we always learn a lot of kindness from our mothers. Um, but the thing is I’ve always believed that there’s a lot of lessons that aren’t taught, you have to watch, you have to learn by sight. You have to learn by what you see. And that was the lesson that my dad taught being brought up in the Philippines. So they have that “I-am-head-of-household-I-just-give-you-a-stare.”

Lois Paula: Yeah, the culture. 

Ted Pascual: Yes. If someone needs to talk to you, it will be your mom. So my mom came to me with the “kindness” voice and calmness and where it was my father who just had that look. But as he performed his duties in the Church, you just see a totally different person. That’s where you see his kindness. You see how much he’s willing to help others without receiving anything in return. And it’s not because he had to, it’s because he wanted to. It was just how he was brought up and that’s how I was brought up. Yes I heard kindness from my mother but I saw a lot of kindness from my father. So that’s something that I’m trying to teach a little bit of both to my children..

Ted Pascual: So as a child, going back to what you were mentioning, one of my influences, of course, it’s always going to be my parents. You’re young and you hear a lot of “You have to be kind. You have to be nice to people.” And sometimes you’re just, “Why?” But when you’re really young, you don’t understand why. So you can say “Why?” and they’re going to say, “Oh because of this and this and this and that.” And you’re just like–

Lois Paula: Okay.

Nan: Right.

Ted Pascual: You know, but then when, when you actually see them do it. And you’re seeing them and it’s not a labor you know? You don’t see them struggling to do it. You see them enjoying what they’re doing. You see them, how happy they are. You just learn–that’s the lesson that you’re learning of what kindness actually is. Of course my, you know, my parents always gonna be my influence as well as my sisters. They’ve always, you know, they were always there to help me, to remind me to be humble and to always be kind. But it also goes down to all the other elders growing up. As children, back in my day a long time ago, you know, there wasn’t that many, you know, there wasn’t that many superheroes or people that we really look up to. You know, the people that we looked up to were the ones that we seen majority of our life and we spent a lot of time in the Church.

Ted Pascual: You see how they are being kind to one another and that just grows on you, you know? It’s like, well that’s what we’re being taught. We’re being taught to love our fellow man, the people that we’re seeing every day. And that’s just how you become influenced by–you’re like, “Well I want to be just like that. I want to be a nice person. I want to enjoy that type of kindness–that feeling.” You know, you don’t really get that feeling yet because you don’t really understand what it is but you see how it is.

Lois Paula: And I would love to touch base on that topic just a little bit later because you know you’re comparing back then when we only saw what we see in front of us and now when there’s influences all over the place, you know? 

Ted Pascual: Yes, yes.

Lois Paula: But I would love to kind of just touch base on your childhood experiences. You know you said that you saw a lot from your parents. You saw a lot from those that surrounded your experiences, you know, at the chapel compounds, going to the Church Of Christ. Were there any childhood experiences specifically that stuck out and stuck with you throughout the years even until now, if you had one moment or a few that you could remember?

Ted Pascual: One of the things that my parents, like I said, you know whenever someone would call and say, “So-and- so needs a ride.” You know, and when I became a decent driver, ah that as well came upon, like,

“Hey, you know, we need brothers and sisters who can go to a different congregation to sing. But who’s going to drive them?” 

“I will, I don’t mind.”

You know–and that’s just something that, like okay, so those are the, you know, that’s a simple gesture, you know? And even up till this day, you know, so it’s funny because I seen it happen when I was a child. I did it when I was a teenager. And now here, now that I’m grown up, a parent of, you know, a family–we get that call, I would still do the same thing without, you know, without second questioning or anything like that. 

Lois Paula: And I’m pretty sure your children see that that “selfless” in you as well and they’re gonna remember that. It’s just a simple gesture but it says a lot. You know, actions speak louder than words, like you mentioned. We appreciate your sharing those moments with us. And it’s always interesting, you know, just to reflect, to trace the origins, so to say, of our kindness journeys and our journeys in general. And it is–it’s an ongoing path of course. But now we want to shift our focus towards your transition into fatherhood.

Ted Pascual: Yes.

Lois Paula: Can you tell us a little bit first about, you know, your children your family–how many kids do you have Ted?

Ted Pascual: I have three children. My oldest is turning 25.

Lois Paula: Oh 25 okay.

Nan: Ah I would have never have guessed that, that she’s turning 25.

Ted Pascual: Yes she is turning 25. She currently lives and works in New York. 

Lois Paula: Wow. Ok.

Ted Pascual: My second is turning 20. She is actually in Southern California right now.

Nan: Um, okay, cool.

Ted Pascual: Yes, yes, she’s at Cal Poly Pomona.

Lois Paula: Oh congrats.

Nan: Nice.

Ted Pascual: And then my my son who is turning 6, 17, he’s turning 17 this month.

Lois Paula: See what a great dad. He remembers their birthdays and their ages.

Nan: Yeah, you know and I got a little sneak peek. I got to see Jonah on the INC Giving episode that you both were in and it was really cool to see both of you in action. You know, you’re doing kindness in action. So that was really cool.

Lois Paula: 25 is your eldest. Okay, we need to learn from you so we’re gonna take some notes. But we definitely appreciate and we’d love to continue to see you know how your experiences as a child has now been implemented into your own children and how, I’m sure, they’re taking that, now that they’re on their own, especially they’re taking that into their lives and continuing it as well.

Nan: Yeah, and it’s really fascinating to hear. You know, again, you’re a father of three–I wouldn’t have expected that they were that age already. You don’t look like a dad of children that age. 

Ted Pascual: (laughter) Thank you.

Nan: But I can only imagine how fatherhood really pushed you to pull from all those different experiences that you had as a child and those previous life lessons that you mentioned right? Like, just witnessing your dad doing all these things, hearing your mom, of course, tell you how to be kind and how to interact with others and whatnot. But what are some of the life lessons that you pulled from, especially in applying it to your children and raising them?

Ted Pascual: Well, we always try to remember how our parents raised us. Okay, so we always try to remember. You know there’s times where like, well, in this situation, this is what my dad would do, this is what my mom would say. But we always want to make that better. Because they’re teaching based on their experience. So we have to teach our children based on what we experience. Even though our parents did and say something else, we may have gone through it but in a different way, in a different level. So, you know, so those are the things that, those are the life lessons that, you have to really put your heart and thought into it when you’re teaching. An example, how I, how I spoke about my father–so now instead of being the guy that just looks at my children and hope they understand what the words that I’m trying to say, I mix it, you know? I mix, I try to have that kind and calm voice that my mother would use with me to calm me down and yet at the same time be that father figure for them.

Nan: Right. 

Lois Paula: Can I ask you, Ted, what challenges you are seeing raising your own children, like you said, trying to use what you were taught but also, you know, implementing that to your children but seeing what’s working, what’s not. What are your greatest challenges in trying to instill that mindset into your own children?

Ted Pascual: Well one of the biggest challenges is technology. They’re so, it’s so accessible to what they say,  what they can read. You know, I could say, well this is how we have to do it this way. And they’ll say, “Well online it says you have to do it this way.” And I’m like “Okay well, that’s not…” Exactly, right? 

Lois Paula: (laughter) Excuse me.

Ted Pascual: And that’s what it is. I’m happy that they’re able to use the knowledge that they’re able to to obtain but at the same time it’s very challenging on how to, you know, to be a father in in today’s day and age. 

Lois Paula: How to counter it. Yeah.

Ted Pascual: Um, yeah, exactly. And so that makes me have to do my research before I talk to them. 

Lois Paula: You have to come prepared. 

Ted Pascual: I have to come prepared. Let me bring my outline. Let me get my notes ready. Okay, what are we going to talk about? Okay I got that checked all, right.

Lois Paula: Here’s your agenda.

Nan: But you need the technology to do your research right?

Ted Pascual: Yeah, yes I have to use–yeah. That’s one of the challenges. You know it’s just, it’s just a different generation. You know how we were brought up, I can’t say we were brought up in a strict environment. However, our elders were a lot stricter, if that’s a word. They’re more strict than how we are–than how they are today. Nothing wrong with the generation. But you know we hear so many things about Generation Z on how they are and it’s just challenging, especially for teenagers you know. It’s something wow, you know?

Lois Paula: And, and I can only imagine you know, we have to, as individuals and then all the more as parents, have to really be firm. You know, just like we’re taught in everything, you know, regarding our values, regarding our faith as members of the Church Of Christ, like, in everything that we do, we have to be firm. And so that also goes with, with teaching– 

Ted Pascual: Yes, it does.

Lois Paula: -with being kind, you know to our kids and also showing kindness. We have to be all the more firm because they’re getting all these influences everywhere else. And now Ted can we ask you what opportunities–so you know the challenges, you know what has worked in your childhood, now you’re trying these different tactics with your own children–what opportunities have you used to, you know, try to instill lessons of kindness, I should say, into your children?

Ted Pascual: Okay, so well for lessons of kindness, of course, you know, you try to understand and be kind to your fellow man, okay? So that’s one. That’s, you know, that’s a simple lesson. You know it’s easy to say you have to be kind. That’s, you know, it’s so easy to say that and children’s like, “Okay yeah.” But, started with the INC Giving project. I would think back 2011 or 20-, I think it’s 2011.

Lois Paula: You’re right. Yes Ted.

Nan: Yeah, 2011. Yep, yep that’s awesome.

Ted Pascual: I remember one of the first ones that were given was the Teacher’s Appreciation. You know, we didn’t have too many opportunities, you know, to help out. So as much as  we always wanted to, it’s like we didn’t know how to. So it was just never, you know, we didn’t, there was no internet. You know, I can’t look up a foundation in the Yellow Pages. Ah it would take it–I wouldn’t know where to look. You know–or would it be the white pages that they’re in? But yeah, so it would be hard and when the INC Giving project started, I was like, wow this is a great platform but I still didn’t know what to do. And then when they said, “But here are some guidelines and here are some how-to’s of what you can do.” And I was like wow this makes it just so much easier. 

Ted Pascual: So when we had those opportunities, I use that opportunity as a parent, as an adult, you know, if you do good, you know the feeling that you’re going to get in return. You know that it’s not for you. It’s, you’re, you’re helping somebody but you know the feeling that you receive as well. The youth they didn’t, back then, they didn’t really understand it. So when we did the Teacher’s Appreciation, they didn’t really understand what a teacher does. Of course now they do, but back then it’s like okay–but when we did the “Sing For a Cause,” that was a totally different outcome.

Lois Paula: Oh really?

Ted Pascual: Because yes, they were, they’re here–I mean here’s all my kids, not my youngest. He was only 6 at the time. So my two eldest with all the Kadiwas and Binhis and they’re like “Okay, why are we practicing every Sunday, singing this set of songs?” And this and that, “We don’t even know the people we’re going to go to.” And this and that, this and that–and I could not explain to them why. I would say, “You, it’s just something that you’ll have to see and–but I was still learning too because it’s not like I did a lot of community service. I’m teaching myself but we’ll talk about that later. And um, so during this INC Giving, the um “Sing For a Cause” when the children, my kids, when they saw the joy in the faces, tears from the residents. And you would hear one of them, “Not even my own children come and visit me. And here’s a bunch of strangers singing songs.”

Ted Pascual: Not a dry eye was in that room. 

Lois Paula: Yeah.

Ted Pascual: And all the kids, after that point, every INC Giving activity we had–no hesitation, no questions. They already knew. 

Lois Paula: Wow.

Ted Pascual: They already knew what the outcome–what was what they were gonna feel. 

Lois Paula: I’m getting emotional.

Ted Pascual: Oh no, trust me, it was, it was one of the most memorable things that I’ve ever–you know the opportunity. So that’s what I was, you know, those are the opportunities that–it really opened my eyes to what kindness is all about.

Nan: I’m so happy to hear you share that moment with us because it’s such a powerful moment right? Like, I mean when you think of, of kids visiting the elderly and singing to them. You don’t automatically think it’s just going to be waterworks or anything or there’s going to be this profound realization like what you’ve just described. But that’s what’s amazing is like, it really highlights how important and how powerful, you know, sharing kindness is and I also love the fact that it was through INC Giving projects and through these different outreach efforts that you were able to to use these platforms like what you said. And I think in addition to that powerful moment that you guys had, what can you speak on regarding just parent-child bonding? You mentioned this is you learning along with them. You know, learning how to volunteer and how to seek out these opportunities. So how did the INC Giving project and all these different outreach efforts and opportunities help with parent-child bonding, you know, specifically with you and your children?

Ted Pascual: When a parent and child bond, there’s, there’s several ways of doing so you know. They bond through some type of physical action or some type of emotional. But the bonding that a parent and child get through kindness, it involves both physical and emotion. So it’s, it’s a totally different level. Like Jonah, when you know, when I say, “Hey, what did you, what did you think of that activity?” We could just go on and we’re just having, you know, we’re like best buds just talking about an activity. 

Nan: That’s awesome.

Ted Pascual: You know, what makes it a special bond–it’s because as a parent, um, it’s not something that I fully experience. So you know, like I said, when you’re bonding with your child, you’re bonding something that you experienced. So you want to share that and then that’s what you guys bond with–that, that experience right there. But when you’re learning together, it’s like “What? Whoa, did you just see what happened? Oh my goodness. Hey.”

Lois Paula: It’s like an out of body, like, yes.

Ted Pascual: It is, it is. And you know, just like like I said when it when it came to the “Sing For a Cause” you know, I could just look at my daughters then just look at me and they just smile and I already know what they’re trying to say and I already know what they feel.

Lois Paula: Aww.

Ted Pascual: And it’s the same thing with my son. Now like when, because, when we participate in the, you know, the “Coastal Cleanup,” when we did the “Aid to Humanity” in New Jersey, you know, he’s like, “Hey, Dad, I see you walking around trying to direct traffic. What do you want me to do?” You know? And he’s asking me “What do you want?” You know?

Lois Paula: Wow, taking initiative. Yeah.

Nan: Yeah, initiative.

Ted Pascual: And I was like “Well, you know, we have a whole bunch of clothes that needs to be folded and hung and get ready for this and that.” And he’s like, “Okay.” So he would just call his friends and they would, that’s what they would do. 

Lois Paula: Aww great job.

Nan: That’s so cool.

Ted Pascual: It’s just, but it’s just the fact that I could just say later on in life like, “You know what, Son? You and I, we did this together. You know it was a first for me, it was a first for you but yet we’re able to bond. We’re able to get that strength.” You know, that a father-son, father-daughter or a parent–parent-child that they get and it’s through kindness is just so powerful.

Lois Paula: There’s the possibilities, opportunities are endless and you can continue them, you know, five, ten, twenty years from now and you’re right. It’s a memorable one and it’s so motivating to hear that Ted. You know, as a parent, finding those moments to really bond with our children, it can, it can be challenging sometimes. Just like you mentioned, as technology pulls them away, it pulls us away as well. You know, so we have to make a conscious, constant effort to be present and to really take every opportunity. And when we do have the opportunity, you know, we have to make the best of it and really think not, not just okay–it’s funny because sometimes we’re sitting at dinner and I’m trying to, you know, have a discussion and whatnot, trying to teach things and, you know, I’m really excited about it. I’m like, “Oh this is a great learning opportunity.” And then, you know, my son would be like, “Can I have some more juice, Mommy?” I’m like oh okay, that that didn’t, that was way over your head. That is not the right time. But yes, you’re right, you know, taking the action instead of just talking about it is really, you know, the example that’s the best learning tool, you know, like you mentioned.

Ted Pascual: Exactly.

Lois Paula: And really, when you share the acts of kindness, but you get to do it together, that’s a bonus. So it really is, you know, definitely a blessing.

Nan: Yeah, totally.

Lois Paula: Okay, we always ask our listeners, our kindness ambassadors, to also chime in–to talk about how kindness moves you. So for this episode actually we have special guests who also happen to be from New Jersey to share how kindness moves them. So let’s hear what they have to say.

Nan: Okay, so here is our first guest.

Jenna Pascual: Hi, Dad. I just want to thank you for always teaching me and showing me love and kindness in my life. And to thank you because I know that you’ll always be there for me no matter where I am in the world. You’ll always be able to answer my call and help me when I need it. So thank you, Dad.

Nan: Ted, do you know who that is?

Ted Pascual: My goodness. Is, is, is that Jenna?

Nan: That was Jenna, yep. So that was Jenna but we do have a couple more guests. So let me me go ahead and introduce some of our other guests here.

Jadyn Pascual: Hey, Dad. I just want to say thank you and I appreciate everything that you do and have done for me and for doing it in the most kind and loving manner. I love you and I miss you and can’t wait to see you soon.

Nan: So that was Jadyn, right? 

Ted Pascual: Jadyn. Oh my goodness you guys, oh man.

Nan: And we have one more for you, one more.

Jonah Pascual: Hey, Dad. Just wanted to say thank you for always taking time out of your day to take me to the INC Givings, to the Aid to Humanities and all those activities. And while at those activities, you help teach kindness in me because you tell me what to do and that helps me because I learned to do it second nature where I don’t have to think and I could just do these things out of the kindness of my heart. So I just want to say thank you.

Lois Paula: Aww that was Jonah right?

Ted Pascual: Yes it was, yes it was.

Lois Paula:  Aww.

Nan: You know, it’s amazing, Ted, because, you know, everything that we were talking about prior to even hearing your wonderful children, your awesome children. It’s apparent. It’s so apparent that it’s in them. I just want to say you’ve done a great job. I don’t know your kids personally but having heard them say what they said and and share their thoughts and how highly they think of you, you’ve done a great job.

Ted Pascual: Well thank you, thank you. Well, that was very–caught me by surprise so I don’t know what to say anymore. Oh.

Lois Paula: And no one can see this, but–

Ted Pascual: No, exactly, exactly. But you know what’s funny though? One of the things that I wanted to say earlier about, especially about Jonah, was because whenever we, you know, whenever we have our activities and whenever we’re doing these community service, you know, we did that tree planting, the “Aid to Humanity,” the food donation drives, the winter clothes drives, whenever we did all these together, you know, I would always ask, “You know who this is going to help. Do you see how this is going to help so many people?” And he’s like, “Yeah you know that was great.” But when we did the, when we did the “Coastal Cleanup”–so I was like, “Do you see how this is gonna help the people because we’re beautifying the beach. We’re making things nice and safe and this and that.” And he’s like, “What about the fish? What about the sea creatures? Are we helping them? Are we helping clean up all the plastic bottles?”

Ted Pascual: And I was like, “You know what, son?” 

Lois Paula: You’re beyond me now.

Ted Pascual: “Yes we are. You are absolutely right. Okay I don’t need, I don’t need to ask anymore.” I just thought, I thought it was really funny. 

Lois Paula: He just schooled you.

Ted Pascual: Yeah.

Lois Paula: And that, in itself, is a great example of how you have done your part, Ted. You know, he graduated.

Nan: You’ve created such initiative, he’s looking beyond the people you know, he’s, he’s looking beyond the surface.

Lois Paula: Oh well, no, and that really got to me too. You know, I was also thinking of my little ones and, you know, if they would ever hear–my little ones are only two and seven, so you know, hopefully one day we will follow in the footsteps of you,Ted, and you know, they will also understand, like you mentioned, you know, it’s hard. They don’t understand it. But it’s us really planting that seed now and really taking the time and the energy to invest in that foundation– 

Ted Pascual: Exactly. 

Lois Paula: that will hopefully allow it to come to fruition later on and I definitely feel like it’s such a beautiful thing and when our children are appreciative, especially, and understand the things, finally, that we teach them later on that, you know, that’s so beautiful. So thank you as well. Thank you to your children. Thank you.

Nan: I think we can just take a, take a breath and just take that in because that was definitely a special moment. I just want to say thank you again to the Pascuals right? Jenna, Jadyn and Jonah.

Lois Paula: Thank you guys. 

Nan: But also your wife. I hope I’m pronouncing her name right? Is it Ah-murvey? 

Ted Pascual: Yes, yes that is it. Amervi. Yeah, we just call her Mervi, but yeah, it’s Amervi.

Nan: Amervi. Yes, she helped coordinate all this so, you know, they’re all so proud of you and I just want to say thank you to the entire family. And I’m sure you, Jenna, Jadyn and Jonah–you guys made your dad’s day. You’ve also inspired me. After this podcast I’m going to call my dad tell him how much I love him and thank him for all the wonderful lessons he’s taught me. Thanks for inspiring me.

Nan: So Ted, before we head towards the end of our podcast, we did want to open it up to you one more time for any final words of encouragement that you’d like to give. You know, maybe there are parents out there who are struggling to find ways to bond with their children. Maybe they’re finding it hard to introduce volunteering or acts of kindness into their lives. What would you say to someone that’s struggling– a parent that’s struggling to do those things?

Ted Pascual: To trust and to believe in the activity that they’re going to, to teach their children in. No parent is perfect. So the way we want to train or, or teach our children. It may not be the right way. It’s perfect for us as to what we want them to be. But when you trust in the activity that’s being given–the INC Giving, especially the INC Giving activities, because it opens your eyes to what kindness is. As I said earlier, growing up, you just see the kindness from the people around you and you don’t really think too much of it. But through the INC Giving project, through all the different activities, the kindness is so genuine because you know that a simple, a simple act, can change the lives of so many different people. And for those who are struggling to teach their children that, they need to believe in what kindness is. Because when you truly believe in what kindness is, it’s so easy to relay that to your children because you can’t teach kindness if you’re not a kind, if you’re not kind yourself. So you have to believe in what kindness is and, you know, you can’t just, like I said, you can’t just look at so many different avenues, and you’ll always question it. “What if I do this? Uh how, how about if it doesn’t do this? Oh let me do that. Oh It’s not going to…” But when you’re given guidelines, when you’re given proof that so many other brothers and sisters are able to do this–children, parents, old, young, it’s, it’s just so comforting knowing that, that’s my backup. You know, hey, who do I fall to? Who do I turn to? I turn to all the other people that [have] done it. So it makes it, it makes it easier for me to teach my children on what kindness is. So for those who are struggling just believe in the kindness, believe in the activity and you’ll see that your children will believe in it as well.

Lois Paula: That’s so beautiful, Ted. Thank you so much for for sharing that and it’s really special just hearing how your trust–and I love that, trust in the activity and we’re so grateful that as members of the Church Of Christ, we have the support from our Church Administration–

Ted Pascual: Yes, yes.

Lois Paula: from the leaders who have provided these activities and you’re right. We can go anywhere in the world and find these opportunities but to know that there’s that foundation already–that behind it is also, most importantly, a spiritual connection and you know the foundation to continue these activities, all the more it’s teaching all the way around. You know it comes full circle. So thank you.

Ted Pascual: It does come full circle. 

Lois Paula: So thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your story, your experiences and how you’ve been able to find success through these activities and through these projects with your children.

Nan: We thank you for supporting all those activities as well and really using that as a platform and we’re so glad to have had this conversation. I know I said it earlier, I’m really motivated by you and by your children–your whole family. It’s been a, been a blessing to, to just interact with everyone so we just want to say thank you to the entire family and that we really appreciate it.

Lois Paula: Yes, yes, and thank you for joining us, Ted.

Ted Pascual: Well thank you for having me and my family.

Nan: Anything else that you wanted to say before we wrap things up? Any final goodbyes or you wanted to share?

Ted Pascual: To my wife and my kids, how, how thankful I am for having them in my life. It’s because of them that my kindness continues. It’s because of them that I just want to go on doing things the way I do because it does come full circle and just to hear them, it’s just so heartwarming. So I thank them.

Lois Paula: Okay, see we weren’t expecting this but it’s water works all over again. Thank you Ted for joining us. Thank you.

Nan: Thank you.

Ted Pascual: Thank you for having me LP and thank you Nan.

Nan: You’re welcome. Thank you also to our listeners for joining us on this episode of Kindness Moves. We hope you’ve enjoyed it. But don’t worry, there are still many, many more conversations that we’ll have coming your way. So please stay tuned for our additional episodes if you enjoyed this, you’ll for sure enjoy the other episodes as well.

Lois Paula: Yes, please stay tuned for more. There’s so many more stories, like Ted’s, to come. And also if you like the tips you’re hearing, follow the INC Giving project @incgivingproject Instagram account for weekly inspiration. So thank you for tuning in I’m Lois Paula.

Nan: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness contagious, please visit incgiving.org and if you want to listen to more episodes just like you heard today, you can listen on Google Podcast, Apple Podcasts or the INC Media mobile app for iOS and Android. So tell your friends. Tell them about the Kindness Moves podcast. Please subscribe or follow us to know when the newest episodes are available.

Lois Paula: And remember act now. Make your move to do good because kindness matters. It’s meaningful. It motivates. Kindness moves.

[show close]

How An Unexpected Friendship Changed My Life

Lois Paula Riturban: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan Zapanta: Moves you to take action, yourself, or just makes you feel something so good, it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness. You might want tips on how you can act now in your own community or you just love the feeling of doing good.

Lois Paula Riturban: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a podcast brought to you by the INC Giving project. We’re your hosts LP, and Nan. Now we’ve discussed together and with our guests the importance of kindness, its benefits, how we can share it with others, but today, we’ll turn the tables actually and talk about receiving kindness. Now what happens when we are the recipient? What can taking a chance on kindness do for us?

Nan Zapanta: Yeah you know, that’s a great question LP. You know, sometimes, especially these days, when someone’s kind towards another person, there’s a little bit of skepticism right? From those at uh receive, are on the receiving end of kindness. Some might even ask, you know, “What’s the catch? Like, what, what are you doing? Why are you being so nice to me?” So that kind of skepticism can lead to someone maybe passing up on a helpful or even positive experience and maybe a life changing one too. So, on one hand, I don’t blame them. We live in unusual times. So that degree of skepticism is understandable. But on the other hand, you might be passing up on a great opportunity if you ignore that act of kindness, right?

Lois Paula Riturban: Right. And I guess it depends on what the act of kindness is, you know the context of it all. But yes, you never know what an act of kindness can really lead to. So today, we’ll hear from a woman who actually took that chance on kindness during a ride home from work. So let’s welcome everyone to the show Teresa Rios from California. Hello.

Nan Zapanta: Hi, Teresa.

Teresa Rios: Hey.

Nan Zapanta: There you are.

Lois Paula Riturban: Thanks for joining us today. Hi. 

Teresa Rios: Hi. How are you doing?

Nan Zapanta: Doing well, doing well. We’re super happy to have you here. We’ve heard your story on “Stories Of Faith” and we’ve heard so much about you. So you know, as, as you know, today, we’re talking about taking a chance on kindness. So let’s just go ahead and jump right in and let’s start from the beginning. Can you tell us a little bit about your background, like your childhood or maybe what your biggest influences were when it came to your outlook on kindness? 

Teresa Rios: Where do I start? 

Lois Paula Riturban: That’s a lot. That’s a loaded question. 

Nan Zapanta: I know it’s a lot, right?

Teresa Rios: My childhood, my parents, they split up when I was seven. So mostly it was my mother that raised me and–inspiration for kindness, I mostly got from the strength my mother had in raising a child on her own. I felt like it really taught me a lot on how life really does give you obstacles to face and it just depends on how you choose to face it.

Nan Zapanta:  Right, right. I mean, all of us, right, we face different challenges, but I think at a young age, you know those challenges kind of shape exactly who we are and just how we, we see things so yeah, it’s definitely something significant, especially when you’re talking about like, your outlook on kindness.

Nan Zapanta: Are there any things that Yeah, anything that you remember, as a child, that, that really shaped how your outlook on kindness was?

Teresa Rios: I think one significant moment as a child was there was a time after my parents split apart, my mother and I stayed in, like a women’s shelter for a couple of weeks. And I remember it was, I believe it was around the holidays. And at the time, I didn’t really know why exactly we were there. But I remember still being grateful that we were there and having fun with the other kids that were in the shelter as well. And I remembered the volunteers went to every room and left a gift for each child. So I woke up to a little “Raggedy Anne” doll in the morning and you know, they didn’t have to do that. But I always remembered it.

Lois Paula Riturban: It was that unexpected gift, that unexpected moment. 

Teresa Rios: And that’s my story.

Lois Paula Riturban: Yeah, no, thank you for sharing that. I think that’s why it’s great because you come from such a personal background of knowing just a true and genuine selfless act and thank you to your mom, props to your mom. Thank you for sharing that firstly. But you know, Teresa, when you look back considering just those challenge–challenging experiences itself, you know, it’s natural for a lot of us to maybe lose trust or change our perspective of the kindness that is out there. And you have that that moment that you described, that you can really hold on to but in a way because of these challenges that we have in our life, we, we tend to guard our hearts right, you know, so did you experience that, you know, growing up now moving forward into your adolescence and into your adulthood? Did you experience maybe having a different outlook because of what happened in your, in your childhood?

Teresa Rios: I think even through that experience, it didn’t change as much. I always had, and I still try to have, a positive outlook on any situation. Because I, I always feel like no matter what you are faced with, you can’t really do much about it. You just have to decide on how you face it. I talked about it on my “Stories of Faith” of when I was 12 I was abused. And that is what really changed my outlook. I felt like that was the moment where I really lost my innocence that I had throughout my adolescence. I had really great friends that helped me get through it. Even when I didn’t talk about that experience to them. I think that was kind of a moment where I thought okay, like, you know, life isn’t all, you know, candy and rainbows. There’s going to be hard times and even as a child I had to face that but I sort of try to surround myself with really good people that always support me no matter what. And that’s still carried on into adulthood. I do still struggle sometimes. I struggle with, you know, mental health issues. There’s days where I want to go out and walk in the park and be happy all day, but there’s definitely days where I don’t even want to get out of bed. So I still struggle with it. But I mean, I have my son now and he’s my complete world. So I try to keep a positive outlook now anyway.

Lois Paula Riturban: Yes, and it’s so beautiful that you say that because that’s exactly the situation that so many of us face where we have these experiences but really like you said, it is the outlook that we have; the choice that will make whether to look at it as a positive opportunity or, you know, something that’s going to weigh us down and you choose those moments very wisely and you take it with a grain of salt when when you have to. And you know again, just thank you for sharing, you know those moments with us. Many of us, we have those things that have made us want to turn inward and maybe shy away from others as well. You know, in those instances sometimes, like, you mentioned it, someone, the friends that you choose, someone who intentionally goes out of their way to reach out and pull us out of that shell so to say right? When you shared your story first on the Stories of Faith, another INC Media podcast and show, you shared that exact thing–a moment where someone took a chance and reached out to you. Can you take us back and briefly describe that moment with us? You know, when someone extended an act of kindness, so to say, and it changed your life?

Teresa Rios: I think probably the main moment would be meeting Chris that led me into the Church. I feel like before then, I was kind of just coasting through life. You know, everyday was go to work, go home to my son,go back to work and back home. 

Lois Paula Riturban: The cycle. 

Teresa Rios: I felt like at that time I really, especially coming from a really small, small hometown–I never really looked past “there has to be something more out there for me”. It was always like okay, well now I have to be a provider. And it’s just about how much money I can make to provide for my family. So when I met Chris that eventually led me into the Church. That also led me to bigger opportunities and bigger outlooks on–okay, like this isn’t just the life that I have to have. I can look to a better future for myself. It’s not just about what I can do for my family, but how I can make something bigger out of myself.

Nan Zapanta: Wow, that’s great. I mean, yeah, you know, to be able to kind of make that breakthrough, right? Like, it’s easy to get stuck in the routine of life. But then when you kind of come to that realization or have that clarity where you make such a significant realization, I think it’s really fascinating to hear. And you also mentioned Chris, that whole experience and him introducing the Church, sharing his faith, or actually before I jump into my question, could, could you share a little bit more detail as to how that all kind of came together? You know what exactly happened? I know you kind of shared on it. Yeah… 

Lois Paula Riturban: I’d love to hear it. 

Nan Zapanta: Yeah, you shared on Stories of Faith, but it would be cool to hear again, like kind of how that all unfolded.

Teresa Rios: So really, at that time, I was working at Kmart. And that was just a job that when I came here to California from Pennsylvania, I kind of came without much of a plan. At the time I was, you know, separated from my husband and it was just, you know, we need something different, we need to change in our life. So, my mother and I and my son we just packed up and moved to California and you know, kind of like we’ll just see what happens when we get there. So ended up getting the small job at Kmart and at the time we have started from nothing with our apartment. Like our dining table was a cardboard box at the time. And like we really started from absolutely nothing here. And so I didn’t have a car. I was always taking the bus but if I had to work late I would use, like Uber and Lyft. And yeah, at the time Chris was, I believe, my Uber driver a couple times. And usually because I am so introverted it’s really hard for me to talk to new people. I believe the first couple times I didn’t talk to him. 

Lois Paula Riturban: That’s ok.

Teresa Rios: The last time he recognized me and started a conversation which helped me a lot to open up.

Lois Paula Riturban: Very cool–and that’s so cool because rideshare you know, you, you don’t necessarily always get the same, you know, person helping you and so it’s also a coincidence that he happened to also be the one to respond, you know, to the ask and, and be there to, to, you know, be your company along the way of going home. So yeah, and it’s okay because I always stay quiet in the car too. So that you know, yeah, go ahead Nan.

Nan Zapanta: No, no, yeah, I think it’s, it’s really cool because, “A”, you know, just the way it unfolded, but you know, when you really think about it, right, like you think getting a ride from a rideshare service, it’s such a normal occurrence, right? You don’t really think twice about it. But when it all unfolds in this really amazing way like it did for you. I think it’s really cool. So it shows that you really did take a chance on kindness in this instance. So what were your thoughts? You know, because we’re kind of reflecting on this moment. What were your thoughts when you first said yes, to Chris’s invitation?

Teresa Rios: I don’t, I didn’t really think about it very much. At the time, I was looking to find a church that was right for my family. Um, I mean, I grew up in the Catholic church until I was 12. And once I was old enough to say, you know, I don’t feel that I belong in this church, I don’t want to go anymore. And my mother gave me the freedom to stop going. So I was looking, I went to a couple different churches, and I was just trying to bring, you know, God and faith and religion to my son that he could grow up in. So once Chris invited me I was like, okay, like, you know, there’s no harm done, I might as well. 

Lois Paula Riturban: What do you have to lose? Yeah.

Teresa Rios: Yeah, exactly. And one thing I always appreciated about Chris is that I always have, you know, you get good vibes from people or you get negative vibes. So for me, it was just once he talked to me, it was easy to talk to him.

Nan Zapanta: That’s awesome. That’s exactly, actually what I was gonna ask. I was like, what is it that kind of made you open to the invitation? Because you know, when in the beginning of the show we’re talking about people can be a little skeptical. They can be a little guarded if someone’s being nice to them, right? What was it about Chris? Is there anything else, maybe that, that made him sharing an act of kindness easier to receive?

Teresa Rios: I think one thing that helped was during our first conversation, he was very open about asking me questions about, you know, myself and my son, and he never really fails to ask about my son as well. So I really appreciate that. So even though we had just recently met we would hang out with some of the Kadiwa. So once I did go to my first service, I already recognized some of the members there. So I appreciated that more than just taking me to a random service one night and being okay, we’re here. 

Lois Paula Riturban: Yeah. You’re part of the family already. 

Teresa Rios: Yeah. Like, oh, like I know, this person. You know, it was kind of nice to be, you know, edged in there a little bit at a time. 

Lois Paula Riturban: Absolutely. And you know, Teresa we’ve been discussing you know, that moment. We’ve been discussing this, this time where you were introduced and God led you to, to meet and to be introduced to a couple of other friends, you know, in the Church Of Christ and, and how that specific act of kindness just took off right? And so now, how many years are we from that moment? How long was that? Four years?

Teresa Rios: Four years. 

Nan Zapanta: Nice.

Lois Paula Riturban: And so, you know, from that, that day, or that, that time where you started learning about the Church Of Christ and you took that chance, you know, on that act of kindness, that invitation–if we can now just reflect how has your life changed? How has it, you know, changed for the better? You and your son? How, how have things been? You know, now that you’re a member of the Church Of Christ?

Teresa Rios: In those four years, I’ve, I went to school to become a CNA. So I was able to leave Kmart. 

Lois Paula Riturban: Congratulations, congratulations. Congrats.

Nan Zapanta: Congratulations.

Teresa Rios: I work at the hospital. I’m currently saving up for a house. I’m back in college pursuing writing. 

Nan Zapanta: Very cool. 

Lois Paula Riturban: So beautiful. Yes. 

Teresa Rios: Yeah. It’s kind of nice. And um, one day I’ll graduate, and I’ll write a book. And it’s kind of nice to be able to know that I’m pursuing something that I genuinely love to do. Because I’ve always loved books. So I feel like that never would have crossed my mind had I not met Chris or been part of the Church. 

Nan Zapanta: Oh, wow. 

Teresa Rios: Because I said before, you know, coming from a tiny town–we, I come from a town of 10,000. So it’s kind of the town where you know, you go to high school, you go to college, and you get married from someone from high school, and you settle down, and it just keeps on going. And you just get whatever job you can. So I’m like, it’s different, you know, it’s kind of nice to know that I can be in college and I can be working towards a bigger dream than I ever thought I could have. And I have a big support system from the Church as well so it really has changed my life and my outlook on life a lot in those four years.

Nan Zapanta: Wow, that’s, that’s so much change and really super positive change. And it’s so nice to hear that. So congratulations on all that. That’s really nice to hear. You know, when, when you think of what Chris did, right? He shared his faith, which you know, we can say is the ultimate act of kindness. Have you had an opportunity also to share your faith? And how has that gone and maybe who you’ve been able to share it with that’s maybe significant in your life? 

Teresa Rios: Yeah the biggest one for me is my mother, having been able to bring her into the Church as well, meant a lot to me. 

Nan Zapanta: Awesome. 

Lois Paula Riturban: Aww yay. Congratulations as well to your mom. Can you tell us a little bit more about that? You know, your mom is such a big person and she, like you said, she has given you so much. So how did it feel that, as her daughter, now you’re able to give something back and that “something” is not just anything in this world. It is the most important thing and you know, it’s our faith in membership in the Church Of Christ. How does that make you feel that you’re able to do that as her daughter?

Teresa Rios: I remember the very first time that she agreed to go to a service with me. I don’t know, it’s like, there’s, there’s nothing like it, you know, because she had pushed so hard against going while I was going with my son firsthand and I would invite her and she would say “No.” And the more I would invite her, the more she’d be stubborn. So just that one time where she was like, “Okay, fine. We’ll go. I’ll go with you and we’ll see what it’s like.” It was like a huge relief when we finally went and I remember when she went, there was one hymn and I wish I would remember which one it was. But there was one hymn where she felt like it was made for her. And she cried.

Lois Paula Riturban: Aww.

Teresa Rios: And she was just completely stuck ever since.

Lois Paula Riturban: Aww, we love the hymns. Yes. Okay. And it’s so motivating to hear that because you have been so inspired yourself that it it was no hesitation to you, to continue and to pass that on, so to say, to pay it forward and to share that act of kindness and as members of the Church Of Christ, you know, we celebrate that, we celebrate our membership, we celebrate our gift and the best way we’re taught to do that is to give thanks to God and in return, you know, make kindness moves of our own, to share our faith. You know, so now that the tables have turned and you know, you can share an act of kindness in such a profound way, you know, to practically anyone, how are you waking up each day and you know, living differently than, than you were, you know, a decade ago, so to say?

Teresa Rios: Yeah now, so there’s days that are still hard but overall I still pray all the time and you know, I’m grateful for the life that I have now that I never thought I could have had before. And it’s something that I consistently, every day try to improve and be like, “Okay, what can I do that’s going to reflect even more for my son? Like, what can I do that he’s gonna see me and be inspired by, to know that he’s destined for even something greater than I have?” I’m definitely grateful for you know, the Church and for God and everything that I’ve been given through being here.

Lois Paula Riturban: And it’s so inspiring that everything you do in your life, you know, is really, you think about it, it’s a reflection of, you know, how can I pave the way for my son? How can I make, you know, my family’s life better. And so, again, we’re just grateful that you’re sharing all that you are and you’re, you’re opening your heart to allow us to also be inspired to do the same. You’ve been touched by an act of kindness and now you’re paying it forward and you’re continuing to do that, with those closest to you as well. So, thank you for that. We will come back to you in just a moment. But we did ask, and we do ask usually on Kindness Moves, our ambassadors to chime in as well about how kindness moves them, how kindness moves you. But for this episode, in particular, we have a special guest, who’s also joining us from Orosi, California. We’d like to welcome Chris! Chris Baniaga. Did I say that correctly? Ban-Yaga? 

Chris Baniaga: Yes. 

Nan Zapanta: Chris. 

Chris Baniaga: Hello hello.

Nan Zapanta: Hello. If that name sounds familiar, you know to those, to those that are listening, it’s because Chris is the share, uh the driver that, that Teresa was talking about who shared his faith with Teresa. So you know, we’re super stoked to have you. Welcome to the podcast Chris.

Chris Baniaga: Oh thank you.

Lois Paula Riturban: Yay. Welcome Chris.

Chris Baniaga: Thank you for having me. I am the Uber driver.

Lois Paula Riturban: You are the driver. You, you took your chance on kindness. So this is so special, usually in [the] Kindness Moves podcast, this segment of our episode is dedicated to someone who’s not connected to our guest, but you have a direct connection to our Teresa and her story that she shared with us. We’d love to hear from your perspective. I mean, here you are. You meet a lot of people, you know, every week, maybe every day, depending on how many you, you help throughout the week. But can we hear what was it about Teresa? Can you describe, you know, these, these, these days wherein you met her and these interactions, this experience on your end?

Chris Baniaga: Yeah, so I’ve been, at that time until now, I’ve been a substitute teacher.

Lois Paula Riturban: Oh thank you for, thank you for your service. I want to say. 

Nan Zapanta: Yes, thank you for that as well. 

Chris Baniaga: You’re very welcome. Um, yeah, I think I picked up driving for Uber and Lyft during the summer because I don’t sub during the summers. School sessions are on, are on break, summer breaks. I was driving and I was having fun. Meeting a lot of people. Yeah, just like what Sister Teresa said, you can kind of sense for each person that comes into your or that you meet, yeah, there, there are some who, who I tend to try to talk to everyone but…

Lois Paula Riturban: There’s some who don’t want to talk to you back? 

Chris Baniaga: Right right. 

Lois Paula Riturban: And you try to be as nice as you can, but they’re not? Just kidding. 

Chris Baniaga: Yeah

Lois Paula Riturban: It’s okay. It’s normal.

Chris Baniaga: Mmhmm. I’ll try to like, invite as many passengers that I can. And Teresa happens to be one of them. And I think what helped was we were in the car for longer than usual because we made a stop at a drive thru. And there was a long line so we had a lot of time to chat. We just, we chatted and at the end of the ride, I, I probably did the “Oh, by the way. Would you? Would you want to come, you know, to the movies with me and my friends?” And that’s, I think that was, that was first time we hung out. Yeah, we went out to see a movie, we met up with some of the other youths at Church at the movie theater and watched a movie.

Lois Paula Riturban: Very cool.

Nan Zapanta: What, like, what is it that, that prompted you? I mean I know you invite other passengers and whatnot but um, yeah, like what was it that made you think oh, you know this this could be something that would be good for, for Teresa. You know, like what, what were your thoughts?

Chris Baniaga: I think I just went for it. Like I do with any other person. I don’t know. 

Lois Paula Riturban: Yeah, and maybe there’s not a reason you know, maybe there’s not like a underlying, you know, thing that you can pinpoint. Maybe this was just God’s way of showing you and giving you the courage and making you brave to say, “You know what, this is a positive opportunity, take it.” And, and I think that’s what we’re all you know, this is why we are bringing this up on Kindness Moves because so many of us every single day are around people who we don’t, you know, know if there’s going to be a long friendship, just an acquaintance–we don’t know. But if we don’t take that chance to just say hi, and to share with them some great thing that we have in our life, then we’re never going to know. That’s what I think is so great because you have this bravery, both of you to yourself, you know, to, to share your faith to even talk about your past that, to many people, you know, Teresa, to many people, they can’t even speak about it. But you have this bravery about yourself that you can also, not only talk about it, but know that it’s something that you learn from and grew from, you’re taking that and you’re using it as your strength. So hats off to both of you for thinking even if you are an introvert you are finding the strength and bravery to do the things that are most important in your life. So where do you guys find that? Where do you find your bravery? Let us know your secrets.

Teresa Rios: Honestly, I don’t know. Like, when I did the Story of Faith, I remember I was so unbelievably nervous about talking in front of the camera because I knew, like I just knew that that subject was going to come up and that was the very first time I ever spoke about it out loud to anyone that wasn’t just you know, my direct family that nobody knew. Um, so there were a lot of people and they like, that ended up coming across my story on being shared on like Facebook and stuff. So they found that out as well. And I’m like, man now I keep hearing that it’s like being shown in like France and stuff.

Lois Paula Riturban: You have all these friends around the world.

Teresa Rios: So going from not talking about my experience to, you know, people around the globe knowing my experience. Um, I don’t feel like I’m brave but I also have an outlook which also comes to why I want to be a writer one day is, if my experience can help at least one person that faces the same situation and be like, “Wow, like I’m in this dark place, but you know, she went through it and my life can be like that, then I’ll be okay.” And so even though it’s hard for me to talk out loud, if it can help someone then that makes it worth it for me. So I’m like, I don’t know if that’s really brave or not because it’s still scary, but that’s just how I look at it.

Nan Zapanta: I think that’s definitely brave. You know, your, your, your motivation is, is really a really noble one too, because you want to help someone and it does take bravery to still step out and share the way you share and be the way you are. So you know, we really really appreciate you sharing your story and Chris too, like we’re super appreciative that you’re able to give us some insight into like, just how you are as a person and kind of your thought process when it came to sharing your faith.

Lois Paula Riturban: Like Nan said, we’re just so grateful that you both share your stories and it’s so inspiring to see how, you know, your past and this seemingly normal everyday occurrence really led to something special, it led to an act of kindness. It’s now played a role in, in both of your lives since then. So thank you for sharing that. 

Nan Zapanta: Definitely 

Lois Paula Riturban: Yeah. 

Nan Zapanta: You know I think it’s interesting too because I mean of course we’re, we’re talking about sharing faith and how that’s the ultimate act of kindness. But I think it’s already clearly established that you and Teresa are very nice, genuine people, just in general right? Outside of, of sharing your faith–can can you maybe share with us, you know, why is it important to to be kind to others and just, you know, acts of kindness in general just being kind and and a good person and, and and just doing, doing what you can, doing good to to others as, as much as you can? Like why is that important? We can start with Chris. Why is that important?

Christopher Baniaga: I think it’s important. Kindness is important because just like when I’m at work subbing for a class, um, I don’t know, I don’t know these kids. I don’t know their background, what they’re going through. But all I can do is–I’m usually there just for that day, so you know, I guess my act of kindness is to just help them have a good day at school.

Lois Paula Riturban: You could easily just say just do my job and go home, not care about the kids. But you’re a teacher for a reason and you want to help for a reason and there’s so much passion in saying. “I want to make sure they have a great day today.” Because they easily could not. Yeah.

Nan Zapanta: Yeah without outright saying it Chris you kind of touched on it. It’s like it’s being thoughtful. You know thoughtfulness is, is just that’s an act of kindness in itself. So that’s awesome.

Nan Zapanta: What about Teresa? Teresa, I mean acts of kindness, I’m sure you’ve experienced different acts of kindness. We’ve touched on one of them sharing, with Chris sharing his faith. You know, why is it important to be kind to others or at least strive, you know, to do our very best to be kind and, and do good things to others?

Teresa Rios: I feel like I always try to be nice to everyone because overall we don’t really know what anyone is going through in their life. So, I mean even if some people, you know, you meet someone and they might be mean to you, there’s a reason that they’re mean. There’s something that’s bugging them or hurting them, making them that way you know? No one’s born with a negative mindset. So, if someone’s going through a terrible time and they’re just not talking about it and you can just do one nice thing like you know, paying for groceries for someone next to you or opening a door, just smiling and saying hi. If it can brighten up someone’s day that’s having a hard time, that makes it better for them. It doesn’t cost you anything to be nice, but you just help someone else to make their day better and I think we need more of that in the world than just, you know, any negative word or actions against each other. Life’s already hard enough.

Lois Paula Riturban: Yeah well said.

Nan Zapanta: Well, yeah I think that’s a really great point that you made. You know, now that we’ve already kind of walked through this journey that you both have shared, there is one question I think that we, we like to ask some of our guests. Teresa I’ll go ahead and ask you since we’re, we’re talking to you right now. If you could speak to your younger self, you know, perhaps maybe when you’re going through those challenging moments. Maybe when you’re at a moment where you’re questioning, questioning a lot of things. What would you tell yourself now that you know, what you know now? Like what would you tell yourself? Maybe when you were that, that young girl going through the challenging times?

Teresa Rios: I think I would tell her to, um, I’m sorry.

Lois Paula Riturban: It’s okay.

Teresa Rios: I think I’d tell her to be braver, to speak up more; that it’s not not every bad thing that happens to you is your fault and that you do have people on your side whether they physically, you know, out loud say it or not. You know, the ones that really love you, they’ll always be there. So I’d like her to just speak up more.

Nan Zapanta: Thank you. You know you’ve shared with us how, how wonderful so many things are happening in your life. Would you also share those things to her?

Teresa Rios: Yeah. Like as a child, as I mentioned before I was really shy. I was so quiet because my, you know siblings, they were so much older than I was, that I grew up very sheltered. I was alone a lot of the time so I didn’t have very many friends or social interaction. I was just a very quiet child. So you know, something traumatic happens to you and you already have a hard time speaking to anyone. That just made it even harder. So I think if I was to talk to her, I’d want her to feel safe and comfortable enough to speak her mind; to just be more open and let people in and to show her that you know, life does go past any trauma or any negative obstacles in life; that there are also those good moments that you get to have. And even as an adult, even if it’s challenging at times I wouldn’t take my life back for a moment because I wouldn’t be who I am today without any of what I’ve gone through. And that’s something that I can also relate toward my own child of, you know, bad things will happen. But that’s not the end of life. You know, there’s also the good things that are going to come as well.

Lois Paula Riturban: And little did that little girl know that she wouldn’t just not be alone when she grew up. She would have God as her best friend and she would be a member of the Church Of Christ. So thank you Teresa for, again, that, that, that experience and those words of encouragement. Thank you. 

Nan Zapanta: Yeah, thank you so much.

Lois Paula Riturban: And Chris we’d love to hear if you you know could share with our listeners or um, you know if you want to if, if you could say something to your younger self–words of encouragement that our listeners can also use or even if there’s something you want to say to Teresa. Um, yeah, let’s open up the floor for last comments with you.

Christopher Baniaga: Um, oh man. So.

Christopher Baniaga: Yeah, definitely. I would tell my younger self to get ready. 

Lois Paula Riturban: There’s so many things.

Christopher Baniaga: I would tell my younger self probably something that Teresa would would tell my younger self is to, to read more. Get into reading.

Teresa Rios: Read more Harry Potter.

Christopher Baniaga: I Feel like God has guided me throughout my whole life and I’m grateful for the, the path and the journey and the experiences and the blessings that, that God has, has led me through. So yeah I would just tell my younger self, get ready for, get ready for the ride.

Lois Paula Riturban: Um, well there you go.

Nan Zapanta: Very cool. Is there anything? Um I’m sorry, go ahead, go ahead LP.

Lois Paula Riturban: I’m sorry, I just, I just have to throw it in because you said you would tell your younger self “Get ready for the ride.” And you have been a successful rideshare driver. I’m sorry I had to throw it out there. If you didn’t know that you said that, that was–you know. I’m sorry. Okay, but thank you, Thank you.

Christopher Baniaga: That could be for Teresa too.

Nan Zapanta: Yeah get ready for the ride.

Lois Paula Riturban: See Teresa got it. She was already laughing because she knew it.

Teresa Rios: I Know it’s easy, like repeating. I’m like, I get it.

Christopher Baniaga: I did not even get it.

Nan Zapanta: Chris already set that one up. That was great.

Lois Paula Riturban: Thank you so much to both of you just for sharing. Again as, as you may, you may believe you are introverts, you know it just, uh, sharing your experiences and your triumphs and your challenges with us because we all share them. And like Teresa said earlier, you know if we could help one person, we’re here for it, we’re here for the ride. I’m just kidding. You know, we’re, we’re here and, and we’re grateful that we’re making kindness moves of our own every single day. Taking the chance on Kindness and paying it forward when we are the recipients. So thank you to you both.

Nan Zapanta: Thank you so much to you both.

Teresa Rios: And thank you for having us and for making it so comfortable.

Nan Zapanta: Honestly it just feels like friends just chatting right? So thanks for making it a really special chat.

Nan Zapanta: Again, we just want to say thank you and we also want to thank our listeners for joining us on Kindness Moves. You know it’s really been a journey. It’s ah it’s been a ride. Um, it’s been, it’s been such a great learning experience, honestly. I’ve learned so and we’re so glad that you’re able to join us in even our past discussions.

Lois Paula Riturban: Thank you listeners. And yes, stay tuned for more to all of our followers. There’s still so much to come with Kindness Moves and the INC Giving Project. If you like the tips you’re hearing, follow @incgivingproject Instagram account for weekly inspiration and thank you again for tuning in I’m Lois Paula.

Nan Zapanta: And I’m Nan. Again, thank you for joining us and for more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness contagious, please go ahead and visit incgiving.org. And if you liked hearing what you heard today or if you’ve liked some of our past episodes, please go ahead and listen to more episodes on Google podcast, Apple podcast and the INC Media mobile app for iOS and Android. And even if you’re a first time listener, please go ahead and, and check out the other episodes and also please subscribe or follow us to know when the newest episodes are available.

Lois Paula Riturban: Yes, remember act now. Make your move to do good because kindness matters; it’s meaningful; it motivates; kindness moves.

Cancer Survivor Shows How Kindness Heals

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It’s always better to look forward to better things than to dwell on what you can’t control. Right? You just have to keep trying to get to the next level and push through it, pray about it. What we’re going through right now, it’s not easy. Before the pandemic, whatever we were going through, it’s not easy. It’s not easy. One rule of thumb that one of my nurses told me is you can stay in bed one day, if you don’t feel like getting out of bed one day, but that’s it. After that, you have to keep getting out of bed.

LP Riturban: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan Zapanta: Moves you to take action yourself or just makes you feel something so good, it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you connect now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good.

LP Riturban: Welcome back everyone to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts LP and Nan.

Nan Zapanta: So today we want to bring into our conversation how to keep positive and in turn exude positivity in our daily life. You know, when circumstances around you are maybe really tough and it’s pushing you in that other direction to be negative or, or just not see things in a positive light, how we can really turn towards positivity.

LP Riturban:  So yes Nan, what we’re going to do to start off our conversation actually today is just ask our listeners, wherever you are to pause, ok. And think about the last time you were faced with a tough situation. It could be, you know, with your family, individually, maybe even in a really dire situation where you could barely see what tomorrow looked like. Now imagine that moment, the way you felt. Now replay your reaction to the things around you, the things people said, the things that happened the next day or that week, you know, did you still act with love? Do you still show compassion to those around you? Or did your reactions dictate otherwise? Did your reactions to what was happening still shine a light of positivity? That’s what we’re going to discuss today.

Nan Zapanta: Right, and those are really great points to reflect on right? The moments of adversity, and that’s what we’ll reflect on today. How we can really keep a perspective of positivity no matter what life throws at us.

LP Riturban: Yes, and to talk with us about it today, we introduce our guest from New Jersey. She is a professional in the legal services industry. She’s also a host and correspondent and a producer of INC Radio programming. Most of all, she’s also had her own share of life-changing experiences that she’s turned into motivation to do good every chance she gets and you know, just be that light. So let’s welcome Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman also known as Cat. Hello. 

Nan Zapanta: Hi Cat.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Hi, everyone. Hi, Nan and LP. So excited to be here with you guys. 

Nan Zapanta: So are we. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: What an introduction like, is that, is that my entire resume?

Nan Zapanta: What is that my LinkedIn? Is that my LinkedIn?

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Right? Wait, I really need to add some stuff. 

LP Riturban: It’s like our drum roll. So here we have today.

Nan Zapanta:  Well, we’re so excited to have you here with us. It’s been a conversation that we’ve been looking forward to, especially with that introduction, right? And we’ve, we’d really love to give our listeners a chance to hear you and give you a chance to introduce yourself.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Hi. As LP said, I am Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman. I’m known by a lot of other nicknames-Cat, Cathleya, Leah, and also Snow White as a kid. So that’s a fun one that I haven’t said in a very long time. I am from New Jersey and I do work in legal services. You know, I had to think about that one LP. You know, do I work in legal service? I do. I do. I am a passionate person. If you ever see me on social media, I have a lot of things to say. So and just, actually, just keeping it positive. I always look for silver linings. 

LP Riturban: Well, we’re glad that you’re here today. We’re reflecting on, you know, our life experiences, how it can really impact, you know, the way we react to certain things in our life. And we’re honored because you’re an example of someone who has had life-changing moments. You’ve gone through your share of experiences, like many of us have, but you have made the most of the miracles you’ve received from God. Can you share with us just a little bit about your story, take us back, if you don’t mind, as much as you’re comfortable with and to your circumstances and where you are now. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Sure, I want to start off by saying that, I think everyone, goes through a lot of things in life, right? And we’re not comparing apples to oranges, because it’s hard, everyone has their own “hard.” So my story brings us back to right after college, well, wasn’t right after, a few years after college. And you know, after college, after you graduate, you finally get “the” job. You’re like, wow, I finally made it, I have my profession, I have a regular paycheck, I don’t have to ask mom and dad for money. I’m traveling, I’m seeing the world. I’m buying my own stuff. And at the time, I was engaged. So everything was fun, fresh. And you know, there was no ceiling. The sky was the limit. And I was very active, of course, in my in church duties. But there’s just a lot going on as people in their 20s have, right? There’s a lot. You’re just busy, right? So, just always, busy, you’re always doing, you’re always doing something, you’re staying up for no reason. Just hanging out having fun. So it’s really the prime of your life. “You’ve arrived” is the moment that I think of. It’s the moment that I arrived, and part of that moment was being diagnosed with cancer–surprisingly. I get a lot of questions like well, maybe it runs in your family, maybe it’s…you know, when you’re in the thick of things, and you’re having the time of your life and something like this happens to you;it’s like the needle off the record. Everything stops, it’s quiet. It’s a moment where you have tough and honest conversations with yourself and with God. You know, when I was diagnosed with cancer, and it was a surprise, although I had thought of, when we’re young, we think we’re invincible. Right? We think we’re invincible. I’m twen… I’m in my twenties, I have all this energy, my skin is awesome, my hair is great, I got highlights, I got these awesome heels. Like, I have all these things. I’m so pretty, you know, like all those–I mean, just that’s a generalization that wasn’t me. But that’s just a generalization. That’s, that’s just the attitude that 20 year olds have. And, and you know, we’re not exempt from that. So when you don’t pay attention to things happening to your body. You know, you get a surprise. And that’s what happened to me. So I was busy with my life, and I wasn’t paying attention. So what I thought was just going to be like, here’s a cream or here’s, you know, here’s something–turned out to be cancer. 

Nan Zapanta: Wow.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yeah turned out, you know, I thought it’s like, oh, maybe we’ll have like a little procedure. And then it turned out to be something super major. Right? 

LP Riturban: Yeah. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: And at 26 it’s not something you really think about. So, needle-off-the-record moment, and then you have these long, unending conversations with God about what’s happening in your life. And thinking back now, you know, I never asked why. I never asked why, why is this happening? I, instead, even then, because at the time, I didn’t know what my prognosis was, you know, doctors can never guarantee that they got everything, that everything went away, even with eight rounds of chemo or radiation, whatever the treatment is, they can never guarantee what it is. And I decided, since they say, they give you the math, they give you the odds, they say your percentage of survival is this. And if you do this, then your percentage will increase; kind of feels like getting a loan, right? So you have to calculate the mortgage. So those are, those are your options. And if you do this thing, it’ll take you, you know, this, this time to heal. And these are the side effects you can have. So it’s a lot of math in that sense. So rather than ask why and spend time in anger, because again, I didn’t know how long I had, before things, you know how things were going to turn out. I said, “Why would I spend that time being angry, resentful, bitter? Why would I question what’s happening in my life?”

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: 

Why don’t I just, you know, I looked at my parents, I moved back home, and I looked at my parents and my family, and everyone’s so worried. It’s like, why shouldn’t I just embrace them while I can? Right? Before chemo starts, before I might be isolated, before whatever happens, happens–why don’t I just do that? Why don’t I enjoy my taste buds while I still have them, you know, enjoy the things that I enjoy within reason, of course.

LP Riturban: The things that you can control. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes

Nan Zapanta: Yeah

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yeah, exactly. And  just be grateful for every moment. Not gonna lie, it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy not to be in tears, realizing that you’re not in control of what’s happening. You have options but you’re not in control. You know, because you have to choose, it’s either this or this. You can’t choose not to do anything. And during those times, you also have to put on a brave face. I think for people who are diagnosed with cancer, they spend most of their time consoling others, which is ironic. But at the same time, you know, the more that I talked about it with other people and telling them that everything was going to be fine, I was also reassuring myself that it’s going to be fine. Like, do I, and I thought to myself, “Do I actually believe it’s going to be fine?” And, you know, this is not going to be a secret for anyone who’s a caregiver, you know, you cry in the shower. So that’s where, that’s where I cried, you know, couldn’t tell if it was the, it was me crying or the shower, so, which is also funny, but it’s also the only time I could ever be alone because everyone was hovering over like, “Are you ok?”

LP Riturban: Yeah.

Nan Zapanta: Yeah.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It’s like, I’m not hungry anymore. Thanks.

LP Riturban: And I love how you say that, because there’s so many people who experienced just that. You know, you explain that when you were at the time of your life, that you experienced this, there was no ceiling and you feel like the sky’s the limit and things otherwise are great. Like a lot of people who are diagnosed with something who undergo a certain type of loss, whether it’s the loss of certainty for your future, you know, the loss of control; It’s a point of loss at that point. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: You’re absolutely right. It is. it is. 

LP Riturban: And like you said, you choose to, okay at this point of loss, what will I now gain? What choice will I now make? Will I just choose to just be grateful and focus on the good and focus on what is in front of me and what I can do to help others? And I love how you said that because it is you know, you’re you’re trying to be brave and, and it is a form of reassurance to yourself as well. Thank you for starting the conversation with that and allowing us to…

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman:  Well your introduction actually already made me like, kind of cry about it thinking about, thinking about the past. It’s you know, it’s so rare since it’s so long ago for me and I’m not gonna reveal my age but it was so long ago even, even I think just for my, my mind to heal that it seems like a whole other lifetime that I went through this. Of course, there are daily reminders of the things I’ve had to face, but I don’t actively think about how did I get here? You know? Because I don’t know, I don’t know where I put that. Because it’s, it’s in a place where I can now say that I love that part about my life because if God didn’t get my attention, where would I have ended up? How much better off am I? That’s what I think. That I am here, the way I am now. So…

Nan Zapanta: If I could just chime in here, when you’re describing the situation that you were in and that uncertainty when you’re like telling everyone, “Oh yeah, no, everything will be okay.” But you know, deep in your heart, you, you didn’t know for sure. If it would be right? 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: No, no.

Nan Zapanta: But like, the courage that is needed when you face that kind of adversity, it’s, it’s really inspiring, you know, and, and I know that those, like yourself, who have faced a situation with like, that gravity, can only fully appreciate it the way you did. But yeah, I just, I just wanted to point out that, that that is very inspiring, and you’re an inspiration, you know, and thank God for your recovery, for the strength that you have. Honestly, I would have never guessed that you went through such, such a really trying moment in your life; especially with the energy you have, the positivity, the smile, you know, I would have never have guessed it. So I think that’s why you’re really meant to be here today on Kindness Moves. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: You know… 

Nan Zapanta: And we know that every day, you’re trying to find a way to make the most of your time. So that’s really inspiring.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman:  Thank you for saying that. I actually had to think about how did I exude that kind of energy, that positivity. And it really, I didn’t do it by myself of course. My biggest cheerleaders were my parents. And, you know, my parents are very hard workers. They’re very ambitious for me as well. So I don’t want to take all the credit. It wasn’t just me. But I mean, there were those moments where I had to get dragged, not literally, but mentally and emotionally to treatment. There were those moments where I said to my mom’s like, Mom, I don’t want to do this anymore. Like I, I feel unwell all the time. I’m bald, my skin is gray, I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror. And, and she said, “Anak, you have to keep trying. You can’t lose even though you feel like you’re losing, you’re actually winning because you’re already halfway through.” So it wasn’t just me. So I just want to say thanks mom and dad. Yay mom and dad. And my siblings–my brother who shaved my head. He said, we’re not going to wait for your hair to start falling out even though I always had long hair. And then when I was diagnosed, the doctor said, “All right, this chemo treatment stuff will make your hair fall out.” I said, “Is there a way to delay it? Because I love my hair.” 

LP Riturban: And you mentioned that earlier because at that point in your life [it] was important. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It was. It’s your identity, right? Like, how can they recognize me if I, yeah, and so I cut my hair very short, that pixie cut, but then it started falling out. And my brother’s like, “You know what, let’s let’s do this now, let’s get ahead of it. And that way, you don’t have to see all that hair and your bed and your pillow. And you know, you can use the lint remover as much as you want. But it won’t be full so you won’t be as scared,” or something like that. So my brother Abelia. So, yes, I didn’t do it by myself. 

Nan Zapanta: You know having that kind of support system and even a brother that, that will not necessarily take it lightly but he’s you know, he’s he’s really making the effort to make it an experience that you could go through as, as easily as possible. And you know, he shows his love that way. And I can feel it, even the way you describe it. So it’s, it’s really interesting, because when we think about our family, we don’t really realize that some of them that maybe wouldn’t have stepped up in that way in the past, it kind of gives them a jolt of kindness. I don’t know what it is like, I don’t know your brother personally. But I know I know people in my life that where they face these moments, and then suddenly, they’re filled with this kindness that I had never seen before. And I think it’s nice to see when that kind of surfaces. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: 

Yeah. I also mentioned that because they’re also going through it with me. 

Nan Zapanta: Right? 

LP Riturban: Yeah.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: A lot of the times, people get stuck in their head when they’re going through a grave or a tragedy like this. Some people call it a tragedy. They only think that they’re going through it, but their loved ones are also going through it with them, their friends watching their journey, you know, when you have to watch someone, you can’t help them except to say, “You’re doing good, good job, you know, you got that one treatment down, you know, seven more to go.”, or whatever it is, you know, so they’re going through it with you. So that’s all I wanted to point out.

LP Riturban: Yeah. It kind of just proves too that no matter what age we are, or what part of the process of that journey that we’re in, we will need each other. Like, yeah, we’ll rely on each other no matter who you are, in that circle of the experience, we will all share it together in one way or another. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes. And your and your small act of kindness will make a difference whether you know it or not. So that’s why you should keep doing it. 

Nan Zapanta: That brings me to another question I had, when you’re referring to acts of kindness and stuff–we clearly see that your, part of your motivation, obviously, is your family, you know, they’re there, the love that they have for you. And forgive me for being a bit stereotypical, but you’re on the East Coast, right? LP and I are on the West Coast. You know, the stereotype is, oh, we’re, we’re here on the west coast; it’s sunny, we’re super, super bubbly, super nice. And on the East Coast, everyone is like, really harsh and, and all that, right? So if, and again, correct me if I’m wrong, and I don’t mean to be stereotypical, but in the East Coast, it’s very matter-of-fact, um, generally speaking. So when you’re in, in a, in a culture, you can clearly see the cultures are a little bit different from the East Coast to the West Coast. How is it that you’re still able to maintain positivity on top of, you know, this, this situation that you’re facing, and still participate in INC Giving activities? You know, where do you find your motivation to do those kinds of things?

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: That is such a funny comment to make Nan about the culture of the East Coast. And for my East Coast peeps, I want to say we’re also very nice, just a little more direct. But we also go at a much faster pace. Everything is just very fast here. So you know, it’s like a snap of a finger. It’s like money is time and time is money. So that’s kind of the attitude in the northern area. But doesn’t mean that we’re not kind to each other, doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t hold the door open for you, although you might have others who are quite the opposite more times than not. And here, you know, people are very independent. They just have to get to where they’re going and that’s it. That itself is a positive energy, right? Like, I’m here, I’m in New York, I’m doing the thing that I want to do and I’m awesome. If that doesn’t count [as] positivity, I don’t know what does. It just, it just steps on other people. sometimes. I will admit that. That might be the difference between west and east coast. Everyone in California was like, “Hey, how are you?” Yeah, maybe in a coffee shop here in the city you’re like, “Is my coffee ready? Gotta go. Bye. Thanks.”

LP Riturban: 

We wanted to converse. Yeah, no, yeah? 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: No, don’t talk to your barista. Barista has got other coffee to make. Actually, I want to say right now it’s raining really hard. And in weather like this, if we were outside it really, it really bums out people, it really brings down their energy and it kind of makes them down and grumpy. I mean, this is definitely soup weather. This is the “I want to stay inside.” And rain here comes in sideways. So if you’re walking in the city, your bottom part of you is going to be wet. So that adds to the grumpiness. But it doesn’t mean that people don’t want to help other people. You know, there’s this misconception that you can’t ask a New Yorker for directions because they won’t give it to you. Well, half the time they’re not from New York. That’s why they can’t give it to you. But if they can help you, they usually do. So… 

LP Riturban:  Tell us about those moments that you see it. And you’re surprised by it too. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Ok. All right, I get asked for directions all the time in New York City, by tourists, and by even people who are from the area but not from Manhattan. And I have no idea–I can’t, I’m the worst with directions. So it’s really a terrible choice for them to come to me and to say “Hi, could you help me? I don’t know where I’m going.” I’m like, let me pull out my phone and let’s look together. So when I have that time, I will do it, you know? I will point them in the direction where they can get directions like if you enter that coffee shop, they can tell you which, which side you’re supposed to be on and I’m not the best with [the] subway either. And so if I know the line, then I’ll say, you’re on the wrong line, you need to switch lines. But to be honest, if someone comes in a subway car and asked a question out loud like that to the entire car, I guarantee you I will not be the only one trying to yell back, someone will interrupt me actually, is usually the experience and say that “Nah nah, you got to go on the other side of the track up the stairs on the other side and get on the you know, the four or five, six line.” Or something like that. 

LP Riturban: See and that in itself is help. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes. It is. It doesn’t sound like…

LP Riturban: They’re yelling at me but that is their form of help.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It’s just, it just comes in loud. Maybe that’s the difference. You are soft spoken on the west coast and very smiley, and on the East Coast, we’re loud and direct and make sure we don’t have to repeat ourselves. We say it really loud. So maybe that’s why.

Nan Zapanta: I think that’s what it is. There’s, there’s all flavors of kindness, right? There’s all flavors of kindness. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Absolutely. So, how do I, how do I practice kindness? I mean, it’s, it’s really the little things–holding the door open for someone with a stroller; holding the door open for an older person or letting, letting them go first–getting out of the way for someone. Half the time, that’s, that’s the thing in, in Manhattan is, you need to get out of the way so someone else can get by, otherwise, you will feel them come by you.

LP Riturban:  So being aware of your surroundings, in a way that other people might need a little more help than you at that moment. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes. Right. I mean, I’m never going to pick up anyone’s groceries without asking them first, although I have, I do have, I mean in my area in New Jersey, people are less jumpy, and less suspicious of people. So I have helped some elderly shoppers in the supermarket; just to get their groceries on the cart, you know? Yeah, so just, just that little thing and it shocks them. But, you know, I think of my parents and I think of my older relatives when I see those people, it’s like, oh I wish someone was here to help them because it looks, it’s tiring. You know, it’s tiring. So other things that I have done with my friends, just hanging out in the city, you know, there are certain areas in the city that have a lot of homeless people. Parks are not excluded. So whenever I can never finish my fries. So anywhere we go, my fries or my leftover food, I will offer it to someone, whether or not they’re asking if I just see them and maybe they’re passed out or like just sitting there watching people walk by I’ll ask them if they want fries. 

LP Riturban: In that particular moment I remember, we were there for the INC Giving show. We went to, we went to a famous burger joint, a famous burger place that everyone wants to go to in New York City. And I forget what happened but it was like the order got doubled or something. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: We had too many fries, everyone got fries. We had so, we had I think like eight bags of fries to giveaway.

LP Riturban: And that was it. We were there. And the producers and I, we were just like okay, what do we do? And then all of you were so quick. Oh, easy. There’s so many people who need that right now. Give it to us. We’ll take care of it.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It was, it was a cold, surprisingly cold day. I remember we had to get you guys gloves and some scarves. No, it was surprisingly cold in general. I think even for us, we’re like, wow it’s cold today. But yeah, so it’s really the hardest time when it’s cold in the city, and those people have nowhere to go. So you know, I’m not gonna eat the fries. I mean, if they want it, they can have it. One other act of kindness, which is sometimes a little controversial or some, some friends have preferences, are the street performers. Right? I love music. I love music, I will stop and if it’s okay, I will film them if they’re okay with it. Half the time they are looking for donations. But sometimes they’re not. And even the ones on the subway, or they just sometimes, they just come in and they don’t ask for it. They just sing and they go right through and I’ll have to wave them down, like hey, that was a great song. That’s a different kind of kindness. Because they’re performing. But I mean, one act of kindness is to acknowledge that someone is there. 

LP Riturban: To just pause. To be able to pause and listen to them.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Or just to say hello. In New York City, you don’t have time to have a full on conversation with strangers in the subway. But what if they’re trying to get your attention, you just say hello, they’ll be okay with it, and they’ll stop. Right. So, even with our own friends, they just want you to acknowledge what they said. Right? They, you don’t need say it. It’s like those emojis or emoticons on social media, those in the time of pandemic, are so important now, because that’s really the only way that we’re interacting with our friends. There was one post in particular lately, that came up as a memory. And I think LP brought it up before, I think I tried four or five times to donate blood. Every time we have an INC Giving event and I always get rejected. 

LP Riturban: I finally had my first experience, and it was beautiful, just because like that, you know, I’ve tried and tried and tried and it’s like nope.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes. It’s like, whether it’s at the, at the questionnaire or at the screening, or somewhere along the lines. So for years, I’ve been trying to give blood. And finally I was able to give blood. And I was so excited. I didn’t know I was gonna feel kind of woozy at the end. But I was so excited to do it. And this time, my nurse, and I have to say, they had been there all day. So they were tired. And they hadn’t taken a break, even though we tried to feed them, offer them food and things. And she wasn’t really smiling. And so I felt like, I had to share. I was like, I’m so excited to give blood, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do this. It’s been years. And as a cancer survivor, I’m not allowed to give blood for the first five years after my treatment is over. So that was the first thing and and so this has been this is already maybe eight years out or nine years out from when I was first diagnosed. So, and I was telling her this, I was just chattering, so, so excited. And I was also nervous, because she was putting all this stuff on my arm. Even though I mean, I’m a patient, so I know what they’re doing. But just to go through it kind of also triggered my PTSD and I was like, getting a little nervous. But you know, I’m not getting treatment, I’m giving it out. So I’m helping. So that’s what I was focusing on. And I was trying to give myself a pep talk. And I mentioned that I’m a cancer survivor. And she was trying to reassure me actually, at the time, she’s like, you know, this is gonna be okay. Don’t worry about it. It’s just you know, it’s a bigger needle than what you might not be used to when you get your blood tested. I said I am a cancer survivor. I know the drill. And she’s like you are and then we started talking. And it turns out that her mom was also going through the same treatment. And she’s like, How are you so positive? And I said, How could you not be positive? If I was your mom and I saw my daughter doing this for people, you’re a nurse, you’re taking care of her. Why wouldn’t I be happy to be your mom and to fight; to fight for more time with you. And so it was, uh, it was a heartfelt conversation. She said thank you for hearing her out because she feels like her mom wasn’t fighting to get better. And I said, sometimes we get tired. And that’s okay, you know, you can be tired one day. One rule of thumb that one of my nurses told me is you can stay in bed one day, if you don’t feel like getting out of bed one day, but that’s it. After that, you have to keep getting out of bed, otherwise, you will never get out of bed. 

Nan Zapanta:  Cat, you kind of mentioned something in the beginning of our podcast that you reminded me of it again, right now, when you’re talking about this whole experience with that nurse. Everyone’s going through their own kind of “hard,” right, like, and I feel like, you’re doing all these acts of kindness and some of them, most people would just think are “Oh, these were really small acts of kindness.” But I think you’re highlighting perfectly that it’s not like you have to go, you know, super extravagant and do this big old act of kindness that’s really big and major. But the fact that you are accumulating, these acts of kindness, like on a daily basis, are making an impact. And I think it’s really cool. Because, again, like what you said, you don’t know what people might be going through in their life. So when you think of it that way, how are these small acts of kindness, this accumulation of kindness, really helping others heal, you know, because some of them might even be going through a similar situation that you are going through personally, right? So, you know, how are these acts of kindness helping people heal? 

Cathleya Fajardo-Deguzman: I think it’s always the little things that matter. Number one, the daily things that happen to us, when we live with people, our family members, our friends, it’s the little things that accumulate and pile up, right? In my profession, I work in legal services. That is why we have cases that come in, because there are all these little unkind things that happened over a length of time. And then it finally came to a head, right? Someone couldn’t take it anymore. And therefore we have a lawsuit. So, or we have, we have angry people, let’s just call the angry people. And most of the time, that’s why we have conflict, because there are all these little things that happen to us that we don’t talk about, or that we don’t realize we’re doing and it hurts other people’s feelings. So I think it’s always about the little things, Nan. And when we express kindness, you’re absolutely right, this doesn’t have to be a dramatic thing. I know, everyone’s on social media. So a lot of people think, well, if I can’t post on social media, then I won’t do it. But what is the motivation there? Do you want the attention? Well, then post your comment. “Hello. How are you?”on social media and see how many people come back to you and or say, “Hi, I just want to wish you a good day,” and so many people will like that, will respond to it. But it’s always the little things Nan, I think that matter. And they do all add up to the big thing, right? And it’s always also about consistency. When I’m outside and there are people there that I don’t even know, I’ll just say “Hello, good morning. Good morning. How are you? Good morning. Have a good day.” I’ll always wish people “Have a great Monday.” You’ll see on my posts. “Happy Friday, folks.” I know some people think that it’s like “Is she really like that in real life?” Like I am.

LP Riturban: We have gotten that as well. And yeah, you  know, on the topic of keeping a perspective of positivity, like, things happen in our life. And yeah, people question it, like, “Are you really that happy?” you know, “Is that genuine?”

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes. 

LP Riturban: For all the people, you know that do question it. You said it. Why not? 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Well, here’s the thing. All right. So let’s do some real talk. Times are hard. Everyone has a lot of concerns. Not just first world problems, right? This pandemic has affected everyone globally. I have friends and loved ones in faraway places in developing countries that don’t have access to medical care that we have here. I mean, this is just the daily checklist, right? When you check in on the people that you love, you ask them, “How are you?” if they’re not feeling well. Okay. “Did you take your temperature?” That’s always the first question.” Do you have a fever?” Right? “Did you drink any water?” It’s about 103 degrees in the Philippines right now. “Are you hot? Are you cold?” I mean, there, there are all these things that we worry about before we even think about ourselves. Before we think about, am I going to make the rent this month? Am I going to make the mortgage, the car payment? I know for parents who’ve lost their jobs. I mean, it’s all over the country and in the world. How am I going to feed my family? So I’m not saying that things aren’t hard. And I do acknowledge that on, it’s always about social media–and I do acknowledge that and I do try to give a balanced comment. I always say I’m not saying that it’s easy. But it’s always better to look forward to better things than to dwell on what you can’t control. Right? You just have to keep trying to get to the next level and push through it. Pray about it, have your comfort food, whatever you can to get through the day, because it’s not easy. What we’re going through right now, it’s not easy. Before the pandemic, whatever we were going through, not easy. It’s not easy.

LP Riturban:  And if I can just ask you personally Cat. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Sure 

LP Riturban: You tell people it’s not easy. And we all say that to encourage each other. You personally, now that you have been through all of this, and you know, your personal experiences, what you see around you, for those that you help, you have a platform that you are blessed with to use, and you inspire other people. Personally, what gets you out of bed? What motivates you to look at a situation and pass on what the world could tell you to do and say “No, I’m going to go this route.” 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: That is a good question, LP. I was just thinking it’s like, someone has asked me recently do I really believe in what I do, what I say, what I post, and it’s coming from a place of love–and so your question is a good one. Because it, it really relates, and what is my motivation when I actually jump out of bed in the morning, and hit the floor with two feet is, I’m alive. I literally, I jumped out of bed, I’m alive. I can breathe, I have all my hair. 

LP Riturban: It’s the little things.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It is no, but it is. It’s, it’s this, you know, for a long time, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. Because what I saw in my reflection wasn’t what I, what was there even when I was well. It was what I had seen for a year or two, in treatment. So when I tell you that I, you know, I’m excited about my hair, I’m excited about my hair. But, but the thing that makes me get out of bed in the morning with that kind of energy and that kind of enthusiasm is I think about–what can I do to make things better? What can I do to improve the lives of my, my husband, my family, my friends, who can I help today? Because when I was going through that whole cancer situation, and and you know, it doesn’t end at treatment, you’re a cancer patient for the next five years after that. So I was constantly in hospitals, and that was the energy that I got from my caregivers, my nurses, you know, all the doctors is they’re always saying, you know, Cat, you’re already halfway through. Good for you, and they would applaud and they pat you on the back. And really, they told me that the more positive you are, the faster you’ll heal. And you know, as a 26 year old, I was like, I gotta get out of here really, really fast because I have stuff to do, I have stuff to do, I have a life to live. This is just and I took this as a pause in my life, this is not going to be for the rest of my life, this is going to be for right now and maybe for six months or a year. But this is just a pause, and then we’re going to pick up and continue, I’m going to get married, and I’m going to keep going on with my life. So when I decide to go against the grain, or to go against what the popular ideas are in reacting, it’s always because there’s always hope. As long as you wake up in the morning, there’s always hope. You can make different decisions, you can change your life, you can smile, you can say hello, you know, you can. I mean, people think that it’s hard. And sometimes you are in a place where you can’t do that. But when you do it, and other people see, although with the mask it’s a little difficult, but you know, when you do it, like in a video conference, it changes the mood, and it makes you feel better, who doesn’t want to feel good? It feels good, to feel good. And when you do those small things when you wave, I mean because we can’t see each other smiling in masks, but if you wave to your neighbor, and I mean, it makes a difference in their… 

LP Riturban: To acknowledge them.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: …In their life. To be seen, to be heard to, wow, this is kind of heavy guys. I always feel like I’m gonna start crying in a second again. 

Nan Zapanta: No, no you know what? You’re totally right. And you’ve said it in different ways but I think it really is just being consistent with your kindness, big or small, right? It’s, it’s just being consistently kind and remembering what your kindness does to everyone, and you know I really do thank you for bringing that up. And while we are on the topic of keeping our perspective of positivity and making kindness moves and just being inspired by kindness; we’re gonna go ahead and take a quick break from our chat with Cat. And we’re going to catch up with another INC Giving Kindness Ambassador, a young lady who really is doing all of this that we’ve discussed today, in her own way and at a very young age as well. 

LP Riturban: For almost a decade after being diagnosed with AML or acute myeloid leukemia, and even recently undergoing a kidney transplant. She’s a warrior as well. She’s making the most of God’s blessings by living a lifestyle motivated by compassion and doing good for others. Here’s what Myla Cunanan from Northern California had to say.

Myla Cunanan: Hi I’m Myla Cunanan and I’m 17 years old. And thank you so much for having me here today.

Myla Cunanan: I’ve been doing great. It’s almost been a year since my kidney transplant. So I’ll be going in for a one year biopsy soon. I’m cancer free, and taken off a lot of my meds now, 

Myla Cunanan: So recently, on my 17th birthday, we held an arts and crafts drive for UCSF, where, is one of the hospitals I’ve stayed at for a while. And that is where I got my bone marrow transplant. They would always give me like arts and crafts, and just things to do when I was bored. So we just  really wanted to give back, so my mom posted on Facebook that we were holding this drive. And at first I was thinking that there wasn’t going to be a lot to donate, but a lot of friends and family actually donated which is really nice.

Myla Cunanan: I think it’s important, because INC Giving projects, they’re very inspiring to me. They’re like very simple ones too, just like giving out groceries or donating, they’re very inspiring. And that’s what also inspires me to give out and give back.

Myla Cunanan: At least once a year, we would hold bone marrow drives to help register people and sign them up to be a bone marrow donor, and it’s such an easy thing to do, and we just really want to help people find their match.

Myla Cunanan: Just helping others just make(s) me really happy.

Myla Cunanan: My joy comes from a lot of things. You know, my joy comes from my family and friends, when I’m helping others, and most importantly I think my joy comes from our Almighty God. 

Myla Cunanan: He always has a purpose for us and things happen for a reason in our lives. 

Myla Cunanan: Always be positive and always trust in God. Because when you put your trust in God, He could do many miracles in your life. Like for me, I was blessed with a new kidney. So just always trust in God and what He can do for you.

Myla Cunanan: You know I’ve been through so much already and God is always with me so I’m ready for anything.  

LP Riturban: Thank you so much Myla for sharing with us your amazing update! We’re so honored to hear, not only of her strength to battle this, but her willingness to make moves to rise above and beyond this part of her life and really make it so memorable for her family and even for strangers, so thank you Myla.

Nan Zapanta: Yes, totally. And, you know, getting back to our discussion. It’s great to hear how Myla is doing, but also back to our discussion here with Cat, you know, we’ve been so blessed to hear from Cat. If you’re just joining us, we have Cathleya Fajardo-Deguzman, joining us, also known as Cat. Also a true warrior and leader of keeping a positive outlook despite whatever odds may come your way, right, so we’re really blessed to have you today. Again, just want to say thank you and kind of pick up our conversation.

LP Riturban: Yeah and it’s so humbling because to know that you know whatever age you may be, whatever time in your life and circumstance that something unexpected can hit, our conversation has brought us today to us making that choice to either dwell in it or get up every single day and take one step to look at the positive and focus on the good in our life and that God has blessed us with, because like you mentioned earlier, if we can go back, your motivation you said was that you’re alive, and you’re blessed with another chance. You referenced a post that you did years ago for your first time that you’re able to give blood and you’ve wrote in that post that you’re grateful to have a second chance of life, and to be able to use that experience, and now drive it forward in everything that you do whether it’s with work, whether it’s your career, your family–you use it. And there’s so many people who can say otherwise. I just want to say that you brought up earlier; I got emotional because I’ve got brought back to my experience of, not cancer, but my daughter had a heart condition and a seemingly very positive moment in someone’s life, like you said your 20s, where things are thriving and you’re making memories, you know, it’s the addition of a child, a blessing in our life and something like this happens and you’re brought back to that–okay how will I react towards the situation in the circumstance that God give[s] me? What will I do with it? And like you said it took lots of conversations with God. But you know it was that choice to say, “Okay, this is, this is fine. And it’s going to be okay.” And we are now going to use this blessing. And thank God she’s okay and we’re going to be happy about this and grateful and move forward.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: You just, you, you have to be grateful for whatever it is that you have in front of you, and I think a lot of times people, and I mean we get, I get caught up in it as well; we actually are looking forward more to what we are going to get rather than what’s in front of us. So, if you appreciate what you have in front of you then you don’t feel like you’re lacking, and you’re excited, right, and so when you look at what you have and you say oh well I have this plate of fun. Who can I share it with? Right? If that’s how you look at it, then that’s what, that’s exactly what happens, you know, with me on social media and things like that. You know, this pandemic really is the “hard” that everyone has suffered together, you know? You know, medical conditions aside and I’m so glad that your daughter, I was, I was told that story when she was born, and she was in my prayers so I’m glad that your daughter is okay so when I see her on screen with you, I get really emotional and I get excited to see her especially when she gives you a hard time, so–good for you. She’s a fighter. She’s a fighter.

LP Riturban: I’m reminded, you know you have to, you said earlier, you have to look back. You don’t even get to look back so, so often. But when you finally do, you realize that there’s so much more to give because of that experience. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes. 

LP Riturban: There’s so much more to learn from and, and I’m reminded okay, I keep telling myself I need to go back to the hospitals, and I need to say thank you to those caregivers and medical practitioners, you know all the little things. Myla, she inspired us, she does that on a daily basis every time she goes back in for her check-ins and she looks at the experiences as okay I’m gonna go in today for my, whether it’s dialysis before or just her normal check ins–who am I going to meet today? Who am I going to get to share my faith with? 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Exactly. 

LP Riturban: Who am I going to have fun with today and make smile? So we’re very grateful for individuals like yourself for sharing your story with us .

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yeah, so just to circle back I just want to say what something that Nan had said earlier and LP, what we’ve been talking about is, you don’t know what someone else has gone through, and you don’t know what they’re going through, they might smile at you, but inside they might be weeping and they’re just trying to get through one more day. That is what I think about when I see my friends, people that I work with, we can only see what’s on the surface. Even some of our closest friends don’t tell us what’s happening. And so, you know I shout them out every so often on social media and say for my friends who can’t talk about it, but I know what’s happening, because you know your friends you know your, you know your family, they can’t talk about it, because it’s just too hard. I’m thinking about you and I’m sending you positive vibes. Kindness is also an expression of love, so if you love someone, you will always choose kindness before anything else. I’m gonna cry again.

LP Riturban: 

We do have one more question for you. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman:  Okay, okay. 

LP Riturban: From this beautiful conversation. If you could go back to back in time, to either the moment that you were 26, you know, and you were going through this, or anything else, again, like we said this year has been a universal “hard” for everyone. If you can go back to any of those moments, what would you tell yourself, knowing what you now know?

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: That’s a good question. I’ve seen that post on social media and we always joke. We always make a joke about it right? We joke about it. So if I could go back to that moment, I would tell myself it’s going to be hard, but you’re tough. You have everything you need to get through this. Cry as much as you want. Your hair will grow back. And don’t stop reaching for what you want when this is over. This is a long journey, and you’re going to be happy. So I think that’s what I would tell myself, I don’t know if I’d believe myself but that’s what I would tell myself. At the time that you’re going through it, one day you will be happy. And everything is going to make sense to you, even if it doesn’t make sense for a long time. And there’s always hope.

LP Riturban: I’m sure that message right there for someone who’s going through it right now, will be able to take it and listen and say okay I’m gonna believe this. That said, you know what, we could just end right there.

Nan Zapanta: Sorry, I don’t want to make you a liar LP, I know you said this is the last question. I did, I did have one question. Because I know in the beginning we said oh you know we don’t we don’t have to, to necessarily answer this specific question, but I’m just curious now, especially with the outlook that you have, how did your faith help you with this? 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Real talk. 

Nan Zapanta: Yeah real talk. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: We’ll talk about our faith. As someone who grew up very religious. I was raised that way. My parents are also very active in their church duties. I was a leader. Also, many things at the time, while I was fabulous, you know, or whatever, whatever that, that part of your life that you call your twenties. When I was living it up. We have a lot of information. We have a lot of things that we do when we say our prayers, when we do our activities, we have a lot of that but at that moment where I was suddenly struck with illness. I knew that I had to talk to God about it, because there was no one else who can tell me about it. There was no one else who could reassure me about what was happening. Yeah, everyone was telling me, You’re gonna be okay, you’re young, you’re gonna pull through, this is not that serious. Well, it was serious, right? When the, cancer is a serious thing. There are a lot of serious illnesses out there, some are chronic but, you know, the ones that that are fatal, it’s cancer is one of them so I knew that I also had to make my apologies for not always doing the things that, that I was expected to, And I also had to say my thank-yous. That was the biggest thing for me. I decided to say thank you God. I might only be twenty-six, I might only have twenty-six years of life. But thank you for my family, thank you for all these wonderful experiences–just thank you. I’m so thankful. I’m so thankful that I’ve had this life. And I couldn’t ask for anything more, because if it’s, that’s all that He wanted for me, I’m good. There was–because at that point in time it’s, you’re not in control. All you can do is appreciate every morning you wake up. That’s probably why I still appreciate waking up in the morning, because at the time that I was sick, I was afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. So I would never go to sleep and they would tell me you have to sleep because your body needs to heal from all the treatment and I, I wasn’t sleeping and because I was afraid I wasn’t gonna wake up and I would miss, I would miss everything that was happening. So the turning point, one of the turning points I want to say in my treatment, regarding my faith is listening to my father’s prayers for me. Most kids don’t hear their parents’ prayers for them, right, because it’s private. Maybe it’s between the husband and the wife or the two parents, or you know a single parent, they, those are a conversation between them and God but when I heard my parents’ prayers, especially my father for me, before all my procedures, all my treatment, it was part of our relationship that I had never seen before, that I’ve never experienced before. And to hear such an outpouring of gratitude, love, but most of all concern–it really filled me with hope. When I heard my father praying for my recovery, because he believed that I was going to get through it, and he was entrusting me to God, that God was going to get me through it because of all the things that I had done in service. So, trusting that I was in the place I was supposed to be, and I was doing the thing that I was supposed to do. That part about my faith really helped calm me and helped me be optimistic about the future. Because whether it was the last time I close my eyes I knew that I would wake up to something better.

Nan Zapanta: Wow.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: I will tell you people have asked me, like how are you able to get through that and for the long time I couldn’t answer. I said I don’t know how I got through it, but really it was my faith. And I wasn’t ready to say it because I didn’t know, like there’s so much trauma that goes through, and not just cancer patients but anyone who survived something like that, you know you have survivor’s guilt because you know people have died from it, and I wanted to say I used to be a hotline volunteer…

LP Riturban: Oh really?

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: …for patients, you know, newly diagnosed patients, and there would be women crying on the phone, you know, talking about, I don’t know how to tell my family. Like, you haven’t told your family; that you have stage four breast cancer? You know, like, you don’t have that much time before you start your treatments and some women who didn’t want to get the treatment and whose families have fallen apart because they are in treatment. They’ve been abandoned by their loved ones because their loved ones can’t take the stress like…

LP Riturban: Yeah. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: And I think about our faith. We have an infrastructure, a built in infrastructure to help support us in these kinds of times. 

Nan Zapanta: Yeah.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: We have a built in support group, they will show up at your door with flowers and food, and they will talk to you. And that’s exactly what happened to my family. My family didn’t want to talk about it and then all of a sudden, all these things, and they’re like, they want to see you. I’m like, I don’t want to see anyone mom. Like, I’m bald. I don’t want to see anyone but thank them, please thank them for sending flowers and teddy bears and food and whatever.

LP Riturban: But then you look at it, like you said, you had that experience of, you know, volunteering with the hotline and you see other perspectives. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes, absolutely. 

LP Riturban: What other people had and did not have. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman:  Yes. 

LP Riturban: And you’re able to then put into perspective and compare to yours and ok, “I have the world.” 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Yes right. And for our faith, that’s one of the reasons why I post so much positive stuff. People who have been through something tragic, know what it’s like to be on the other side, and that’s really what moves them to come out of their comfort zone and be extra kind. You know I can’t imagine the horror stories that our frontliners have. But whenever I see any one of them, I’ll always be super extra. I’ll even send them cupcakes. I see them. I do. I ask them where they work and I will send them cupcakes. I’ll send them cookies. When I tell you the trauma of last year, the sirens never stopped in my area, all day, all night. So anyway, but that’s, that’s the story of faith, Nan.

Nan Zapanta: Thank you so much and we really do want to say thank you, like, sincerely thank you for sharing so much with us you know it’s really been not only enjoyable because you’re such a fun person, but also I can relate to a lot of the things that you’re, you’re mentioning. My mom went through a similar thing, and you know her time ended. God, God chose to let her rest and it really, um, it’s different. It’s different for us having our faith, having family around us, having that infrastructure and, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story with us. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: Nan. Thank you for, I wasn’t aware about your mom. 

Nan Zapanta: Oh thank you. Everything is a part of God’s plan, right, and it really is. I know it’s such a…

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: No, I agree with you and it’s, it’s hard to not think that it’s so an overused anecdote or idiom, like, but really, everything that you’ve experienced gets you ready for a moment like this.  It’s like why did I live through cancer? To do this! To be here with you guys and talk about how awesome it is to be alive.

Nan Zapanta: There you go. Yeah, yeah. 

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It’s so weird. It’s hard to explain to people. 

Nan Zapanta: Right.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: It is connected and we just, we just all package it up everyday. It was God’s plan. 

Nan Zapanta: Exactly.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: This is what was meant to happen, so yes.

LP Riturban: Yes, thank you again Cat.

Cathleya Fajardo- Deguzman: I love being here. 

Nan Zapanta: Thank you so much for sharing your story and joining us today we really really appreciate it. In our next episodes, we are going to sit down and really think and look back on what taking a chance on kindness can really do, you know, what doors can it open for us and for even those that are around us and how it can be a lasting impact if we decide to take a chance on kindness.

LP Riturban: Please stay tuned for more conversations like what we just had with Cat. We’re so grateful for all of our guests on Kindness Moves, again, there’s so much more to come. So if you’re not already doing so, follow the official INC Giving Project account on Instagram @incgivingproject. Thank you again. Thank you for tuning in, I’m Lois Paula.

Nan Zapanta: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness truly contagious, please visit incgiving.org. Listen to more episodes on Google podcast, Apple podcast, Spotify, and the INC media mobile app for iOS and Android. And please remember to subscribe or follow us to know when the newest episodes are available.

LP Riturban:  So remember, act now. Make your move, to do good, because kindness matters; it’s meaningful; it motivates; kindness moves.

[show music intro]

Natalie Fitzpatrick: I think kindness is probably the one thing that kept me grounded. You can be that beacon for yourself, if you just remind yourself that, you know, you have these values to return to at the end of the day so even if things get messy, like things go wrong in your life, knowing that you did something good for someone else, knowing that you did something good in general, even for yourself– putting good out there is not going to bring bad back to you. Like there’s no harm in radiating that light.

LP Riturban: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan Zapanta: Moves you to take action, yourself, or just makes you feel something so good it’s contagious, you know, you might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community, or you just love the feeling of doing good.

LP: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We are your hosts, LP and Nan. Now Nan, in a previous conversation we discussed the importance of teaching kindness to kids. So, well what about after the kid phase. What about the tweens and the teens, the young adulthood and beyond?

Nan: Yeah you know that that previous conversation that we had with Teresa, it was a great one. You know I learned a lot in our talk with Teresa and I really really enjoyed that conversation. But yeah you’re right LP, you know, what about the “kid phase”? What about beyond that kid phase? Where do we go from there?

LP : When I look back at my teenage years, I remember so many of my peers, you know, finding it challenging to decipher what’s important, what’s cool, you know, not just now, but what’s valuable even in the future? Gosh, when we were teens, we couldn’t even think about the future; all our minds were, were focused on is, “what is today?”,  “what’s happening today?”. So, is that even a possibility for us to think about how what we do today affects tomorrow in five, ten years from now, you know? So today we will hear from a young professional who actually has been with the INC Giving Project, as an INC Giving Volunteer, when the project first started back in 2011. She was only 15 back then. But even now, she continues to actively volunteer and share acts of kindness. So let’s welcome Natalie Fitzpatrick from Vancouver, British Columbia. Hello, Natalie.

Nan: Hi Natalie.

Natalie: Hi. 

LP: Good to have you here.

Natalie: Good to hear from you guys again. 

LP: Yay.

Nan: Yeah, totally. We’ve been excited to, to have this conversation with you. You know LP and I have been looking forward to it. So thank you so much for joining us.

Natalie: Thank you for having me.

Nan: We’ve spoken in the past and it’s clear that you, you are a very kind person. So, as you know, today we’re talking about how it’s cool to be kind, no matter what age. Kindness, it really is timeless, so maybe we can start from the beginning: how can you recall from your childhood, what is it that instilled in your childhood such a strong passion to help others and to be kind?

Natalie: Thinking back, I think it all starts really with my mom, like your parents are your first example of kindness, and what it means to show that to different people. Growing up, there were things taught to us and things that people read about all the time like love languages and how one of those things could be like receiving gifts or giving gifts if that’s the way that you express yourself, and I think the same can be said for kindness even. 

I think with my family, especially growing up, my mom didn’t grow up with a lot so she had a pretty poor childhood growing up in the Philippines, she lived on a farm. So, to her, she always expressed the value of things, and how I should be grateful growing up that I had so much more than she ever had, or that my experiences were never as difficult as hers had been. 

So, her first lesson to me would be treat people with compassion, because you don’t know where they came from. You don’t know their backstory, so everyone deserves to feel that kindness or that love from somebody, regardless of what your relationship is like with them. 

LP: I love that. That’s said beautifully and I’m grateful to your mom and it’s so awesome like, like Nan said, in our previous discussion, we talked about, you know the impact that parents can have on their kids and so now here you are, a kid who directly received that from, you know your parents and you’re like you said, they’re your first example. So thank you to our parents for all that you did and have done and are doing for us.

Nan: Yeah, I agree with you. My mom, when I think back, you know, she was such an inspiring and strong person and, and really influenced me a lot. And even when I think about it like my mom influenced me as far as even my like my faith and even having the duties that I have. She was a big influence even in that sense and that kind of led, and fed into kindness. Was that kind of your similar experience too?

Natalie: I would say so. I think one of the things about her, pushing or advocating, advocating for kindness and compassion all the time is that I have a younger brother. So growing up, like, obviously when I was really young I was very very greedy and selfish, until he came along.

LP: And then we get a life lesson.

Natalie: Exactly, big life lesson having a younger brother, and at that point I think it all started with, you know, you need to learn how to share, and that, that stems from, yeah with your family, but then when you go out into the world too, sharing your faith is huge too. So kindness doesn’t just come from physical things like giving a gift to somebody, or even, just helping them with something that they need, like maybe you’re helping them pick up their groceries or bring stuff inside when they get home.

LP: But just listening to someone. 

Natalie: Yeah, exactly, just listening, checking in on people, even if you haven’t talked to them in a year or more, just saying hi and asking them how they’re doing, even though you don’t know what’s going on. I think that inspired me to, I think, be more social, which is also what pushed me to be stronger in faith. Because taking up some of the duties that I have, my responsibility is to do check-ins with people, make sure that they’re alright, and if they’re not, offer ways that I can help them. Even if I might not have the solution right here and now. 

LP: Yeah, you will find a solution, or we’ll pray for one. 

Natalie: Exactly.

LP: So Natalie when you look back at it all, why was it so important that these values were deeply rooted, even at a young age? Maybe someone will wake up and they’ll learn it in their 20s or 30s; but you, having seen the value of it, being deeply rooted in a young age–how is that important, how could things be, maybe, different if they weren’t deeply rooted, when you were young? 

Natalie: Well I’m going to, I’ll be honest with you, I was not always this nice. 

LP: I don’t think anyone is. We’re human. We try.

Natalie: I really think like growing up, even though our parents try their best to teach us the right way, or tell us how to act, or give us examples of situations we might end up in where we need to be more considerate, or think about the consequences, obviously as a teenager, you’re not thinking about those things like you said earlier, I think it does come to a point though where you go through these life experiences and you realize, or you put yourself in situations where like I could use some help, or I wish there had been a person there for me for this situation, or maybe it would have been nice to have somebody check in on me or help me out when I could have used a hand. So, I think learning that at a young age, and then having to go through those things on your own–as you get older you reflect on that and you think to yourself, well, if I’m not receiving that help, or if I’m not receiving that kindness from somebody else, I can be the person putting that out there for someone that might be in my shoes right now, or where I was before. So I think having that mindset from a young age, even though you don’t experience it right away–when you get old enough to understand where that’s coming from, it makes a huge difference in your life. 

LP: Yeah, absolutely. I think even just knowing that we all need help, acknowledging that, you know, especially in this world today, everyone is on this independent, kind of, you know, DIY this, do it yourself that, learn how to do this and how many days–like it’s, it’s a very independent society. But we all, at the root level, are humans and we need someone; and it’s always inspiring to know that there is someone on the other end, willing to be there and to care for us and to help us even if, like we said earlier, just listening, you know. So we established that it is, at a young age, it’s important right, to have that solid foundation. But like you said, moving into tween years or teenage years, it’s really, it’s an awkward stage of life sometimes where, you know, we are very impressionable, like you said, and we’re exposed to so many outside influences. So at times it’s hard we have clouded judgment, you know, we want to think selfishly because we, we can’t see beyond today or past tomorrow. So how did you yourself hold on to what you learned in your childhood about kindness? 

Natalie: Well going through high school especially because that, that’s where I was at when the INC Giving Project started. I think I had a lot of really good role models that I looked up to. So, I had one girl in my locale, she was five years older than me, she was just starting college and she was the one that was initiating all these projects for our local congregation at the time. She was even herself an advocate for you know trying to help people when they need it because her mom especially came from similar backgrounds that my mom came from. So, I guess seeing someone that had grown up with an upbringing similar to my own or someone that had been inspired through their own personal experiences, that was a little bit older than me helped me hold on to those values, too. Because on my own, being surrounded by people especially at school that didn’t have that same, I guess, moral ground or didn’t have that same moral compass, it could have been really easy for me to join them in whatever they were doing. For the ones that were into, you know, drinking alcohol in their teenage years, or trying drugs for the first time, or getting in with the wrong crowds, it was easier for me to avoid that, because I was keeping busy doing other things for other people. 

I wasn’t focused on me me me, because that attitude that my mom passed on to me was–look out for others as much as you look out for yourself. And that just naturally comes with being kind to other people.

Nan:  Very cool. And I think that the fact that you said that, you know you were out helping people, you weren’t so focused on me me me, you know, finding those opportunities is one thing right but then, when a project like the INC Giving Project comes along, that happened when you were 15, how did that help you all the more like hold on to those values and those convictions?

Natalie:  What’s crazy is, there are tons of opportunities out there to do volunteer work, to help in your community, whether that’s a park cleanup, whether that, you know, going to the Senior Center, and, you know, spending time with them. But at that age, you don’t really know that. You don’t really have those resources available to you right off the bat and there’s no one really coming to you and saying, “Hey, we need volunteers here, are you willing to come help out?” So when the INC Giving Project started, I hadn’t really done much community service or volunteer work before that. And this was me getting my foot in the door and starting it for the very first time. And I remember the very first project I participated in was the park cleanup. After that I actually picked up, there was a course available at my high school called Human Services, and I picked that up after starting the INC Giving Project because I realized I could be doing more. 

LP: Wow that is awesome.

Natalie: Yeah, it was pretty cool so from there I spent like about 100 hours of volunteer work throughout the second half of my senior year in high school, just going out and trying to find new places that I could lend a hand. So whether that be at a food bank or volunteering as a coach for a team, then I would just branch out from there and I think INC Giving Project helped me keep my eyes open to where there were more opportunities in the world, because it doesn’t just stay at home with you. Kindness needs to spread.

Nan:  Very cool. Sorry, I had one last question regarding, you know this part of, of life right, during the teenage years. LP mentioned it earlier, you know, it is an awkward stage for us sometimes especially early in our teen years, you know we’re transitioning, we’re being exposed to so many influences. So what about maintaining an outlook of kindness, because it’s one thing to go out and do kind things. But then, like any other person, we have so much happening, right, especially in our teenage years that can be confusing, or, or overwhelming. So how did you maintain an outlook of kindness, and just that drive to help others?

Natalie:  I’m gonna say truthfully, it was the words of God, anything I heard in the lessons growing up. I was that kid who would go home after Children’s Worship Services, set up my dolls to pretend I was the teacher. 

Nan: Nice nice. Very cool.

Natalie: And repeat the entire lesson to them.

Nan: That’s awesome.

Natalie: That’s the one thing that helped me hold on to it truthfully. Any reminders about, you know, treating your neighbor as you treat yourself, or trying to do good and try to help others when they’re down, don’t hold grudges, don’t be hateful, you know, be full of love for each other and that applies not just to the people in your family or your brothers and sisters in faith, but to anyone that’s around you, really. So I think having those reminders growing up as a kid, and having my mom with her background, all combined together just helped me hold on to, like an anchor, I guess, for that belief. 

LP: Absolutely. And then now I’m sure you know your friends from when you were in high school, when you were younger, they can look back and know that I remember Natalie–I have friends who say that as well, like, oh you don’t want to go out because you have a Church activity, but it’s okay because, you know, and it’s this this this positive influence that, if there’s one thing that they remember, it’s that we did our best to focus on helping others out, and to be active in our faith so that we can continue to live with compassion and grow up with that as our background. 

Natalie: Exactly, yeah. 

LP : And, you know, here we are, we’re talking about our youth, and how we grew up with compassion, how we are trying to continue that into our adulthood, and we’re walking down memory lane with you, kind of tracing your kindness journey so to say. Now can you talk to us about where you are now? Transitioning into adulthood itself, it carries its own challenges right?

Natalie: Yeah. 

LP: Finding a career; getting your direction straight, finding stability, all of that. So how does your outlook on kindness, how did it help you transition into this part of your life now?

Natalie: I think kindness is probably the one thing that kept me grounded, because as you get older, for myself especially, I did move out from home. I was living on my own for some time. I think it’s really easy to become more and more selfish the older you get. I think a lot of the mindset of people nowadays too, especially around my age, is that I have to look out for me because there’s no one else that’s going to be there for me If I don’t. And living on your own to realize you’ve got no real support, whether that’s financially, emotionally when you’re at home even, you’re on your own, so you have to, you have to look for ways to take care of yourself. But, it’s easy to forget that there are other people around you too, when you’re doing that. So I think, me being a family type of person, like I would visit with my mom and my dad, every week, it didn’t matter. 

LP: Good for you.

Natalie: No matter what, I would always go see them. Um, I think, just visiting them and having them remind me that you know the importance of family, having these values that you grow up with–those are the things that are going to keep you sane, when everything else goes crazy around you. It’s like, it’s like the beauty in the chaos, I think, is that you can be that beacon for yourself, if you just remind yourself that, you know, you have these values to return to at the end of the day so even if things get messy–like things go wrong in your life, maybe your job doesn’t work out for you and all of a sudden you’re stressed about that–knowing that you did something good for someone else, knowing that you did something good in general, even for yourself–putting good out there is not going to bring bad back to you. Like there’s no harm in, in, radiating that light, cuz you need that. If you don’t have that, what are you doing? Right? You kind of just fall into a pit. 

LP: And we become these machines, so to say. 

Natalie: Exactly. 

LP: Yeah, and it’s so, it’s so easy to be mean, out there, especially in this world today. It’s everywhere, so we can either join, you know that train, or, you know, fight for the good–the words of God, which is the basis of the INC Giving Project and Kindness Moves you know, to move us to be better people and to, like you said, be that beacon of hope and of light. 

Natalie: Actually, now that you mentioned about the mean thing too–I feel like everyone’s fighting each other nowadays. It doesn’t matter where you are, whether you’re on a platform on social media, online in a comment section, or even just watching the video somewhere–someone’s always attacking something or someone. And we don’t need to be the thing adding to that, right? Like we need more people trying to calm that down, not fuel the fire. So I think that’s also where kindness comes into play.

Nan: I think it’s clear you know that your journey has been an awesome journey. Seeing how kindness played a significant role like in your childhood and even now, because you continue to do acts of kindness even now. We saw a lot of the really cool things that you did for the Make Kindness Contagious campaign. I know that you were super involved in that and it was really awesome to see. And I know that even early into the pandemic you had set up a really, really cool way to deliver groceries and even help your neighbors. So can you tell us a little bit about the other acts that you did throughout the campaign? Because I mean clearly the things that you did throughout the campaign, are what helped like calm down that madness of people being negative and mean and all that–like you putting that out there, you doing those kinds of things definitely helped in calming some of that down. So can you tell us a little bit about that? What are the different acts that you did during the Make Kindness Contagious campaign? 

Natalie: I think just before the campaign came out, I did do grocery shopping for people that were self isolating for some time, I think for the rest of the month or so. So that was some family and some friends and some of their neighbors. But then during the Make Kindness Contagious campaign, I think they were a little bit more simple, simpler tasks that I could have done things that anybody could really do–whether that was just like paying for someone’s coffee in line, you know, paying it forward, or just catching up with an old friend inviting them out to go do something–obviously with the masks on socially distanced.

Nan: Got to put it out there. 

Natalie: Just gotta gotta insert that. We’re not breaking any laws here. I think just honestly, genuinely just wanting to, to spend time with people even if that’s online, like just catching up.In October, a bunch of friends and I actually got together and we decided to put together this online gaming event for free, because in the Church Of Christ we don’t celebrate Christmas right, so we decided to launch it on Christmas Day so that people who don’t celebrate it have a chance to get together to celebrate something for fun that has nothing to do with any worldly views, nothing that isn’t appropriate. We kept it very mellow. And we actually had over 200 people join us for that. We just did like a web conference thing with a bunch of strangers. And I think that was a huge relief to some people because we’re in the middle of a pandemic where some people can’t afford to spend time with their family, because maybe someone’s ill, or they’re elderly, or they have an underlying health condition, right? So doing that, I think, was probably the most fulfilling project that I worked on last year. And that’s something we’re trying to carry out even this year, repeatedly, whenever possible. 

LP: That’s really good. So you created an online community basically. 

Natalie: Pretty much, yeah.

Nan: Very cool.

Natalie: Now that you say it like that, yeah.

LP: That’s pretty big.

Nan: Do you guys have a name for this, this whole thing you guys are doing? Like what are you calling it?

Natalie: We’re calling it World Games Online. We did keep it open to anyone around the world and I think we had people participate from 12 different countries, when we did it in December. So, always trying to branch out and reach more people. 

LP: Yeah.

Nan: So cool, and I think I gotta say this is the first act of kindness that I’ve heard of that includes gaming. So I mean that’s, I think that’s really really cool. Like it shows how creative you are.

LP: Ok I need to join this next one. You even left, I remember you posted about leaving notes on people’s cars in your neighborhood. 

Natalie: Yeah yeah.

LP: Like who doesn’t want a nice note whether it’s left on your mirror when you wake up in the morning, or left on your car. You know, why do people like fortune cookies? Because it says something positive, right? 

Natalie: Very true.

LP: So, receiving a message at all, in general, especially a positive one, that’s always exciting, and it’s a surprise. So…

Natalie: Yeah, yeah. 

Nan: Oh, I also remember one of the ones that you did. It was artwork, it was appreciation for…

LP: Medical workers. 

Nan: Medical workers. Yeah. 

LP: Right? Frontliners.

Nan: I think you did some artwork for it.

Natalie: You remember better than I do. I couldn’t even remember what I did last year.

LP: Is that not correct? There was a pause of silence, like are we wrong?

Natalie: You’re right.

Nan: Yeah, no it was, it looked like Illustrator, like it was done on Illustrator like really cool like really stylized graphic. So I just wanted to bring that up because you are also talented, and you’re using your talents to share your kindness, so that’s pretty cool.

Natalie Fitzpatrick: I can’t believe you remember that.

LP: Yeah see, you’re leaving marks on people with just the work that you do. 

Nan: Yeah. 

LP: So, for any of our artists out there, you can take a picture and make it and that is a genuine piece of compassion that you are giving to others. She made that into a thank you and appreciation card. For our listeners, Natalie, did you want to add to that? 

Natalie: Sure, yeah. So throughout the month of May, when the lockdown first happened here in Vancouver, first, or I guess, second month in I started doing free portraits of families of frontline workers. So anyone that was working in a hospital really. I even offered it to essential workers and grocery stores, or even that were working for other shops that stayed open. So if, I told them just message me, let me know what you do for work and then I can put together an illustration for you. Some, some of them came back and they were like, “Can I order another one?” But they were also sweet about it too. Some of them actually had some really personal stories that they were sharing. And so I would include those in the captions and I was posting them to my page at the time as well. But yeah, it was such a simple task but the reaction that you get from people is so rewarding because they were ecstatic whenever they got to see a portrait of their family as their new phone wallpaper, screensaver when they’re at work. 

LP: I guess, on that note, in general, what do you find is the most fulfilling part of, you know, doing an act of kindness or volunteering somewhere at this point in your life now, now that you are really, you know, compared to when you’re a teenager, you’re more self aware, you see the value of what you can do? 

Natalie: I think if I was to compare it, then and now–as a teenager, I think the reasons I did it were–I needed job experience. That would have been the first reason why. If I’m being realistic. Secondly, secondly, at that time, I probably would have done it just because I was looking for new hobbies or something to keep me occupied, so that I wouldn’t get involved with anything that would get me into trouble. But then, now, I’d say I do it more for the sake of just seeing people happy, because there’s so much that can put you down. Like you open up a browser and you go to the news feed or you go and turn on the TV and flip to a news channel, like some of the first things you see most of the time nowadays are about ongoing civil wars happening or that there is another huge jump in case numbers of COVID-19, whether that is testing positive or in deaths or a new strain coming out, whatever it may be, it’s not usually good news. And I would rather be focused on whatever makes people happy because I think, especially being somebody that spends a lot of time at home right now and I don’t get to go out, you know, I don’t want to be at home, locked in doors, all the windows shut, watching something dark on TV, where you’re in a place where your mind can go to dark places so easily right? Like depression and anxiety is increased across the globe significantly, especially with young people, I think we’re the number one groups of people that were being affected by that, whether they were teenagers or young adults. 

So I think now, my purpose is to–one, make people happy, let them forget about the things that are making them sad or upset–two, sharing my faith is really important to me now. I think, at this age, this is the hardest I have ever tried to share my faith in my life. And I think that’s because you start to see and realize that time is going by so fast. You know, all your teen years are gone, you’re in, you’re in the middle of your 20s already. Next thing you know you’re gonna be 30s, your 40s. It just, it goes faster and faster and the people around you that feel lost now, a lot of them still feel lost five or ten years later down the road, because they have no purpose or direction. 

And so by doing these things and showing them that I’m doing okay and being that beacon like I talked about earlier, being that light, that also gives them some kind of direction because you can pull them into that light and you can show them there is a way you can go where you’re not going to be stuck. You’re not gonna feel numb or lost or insecure about where you’re at in life. You can find that through kindness. 

LP: Absolutely. So we’re definitely inspired by how you’re using your membership in the Church Of Christ to share your faith and be a light, no matter what’s happening in the world, no matter what corner of the world you’re in. You can be that light, you can share something. And of course ultimately share your faith. 

[music transition]

And so we did ask you as well, our listeners, our Kindness Ambassadors to chime in about how kindness moves you. So for this episode here is what Jasmine Mananquil from San Diego California also had to say about acts of kindness, and its impact on her community and also her family.

Jasmine Mananquil: The INC Giving show reminds me that in this time of darkness, there is still light shining in this world when people come together or even individually, to do things that are important to others, helping those that are in need and doing good works in the community– that really warms my heart and makes me realize that even with all the chaos and confusion worldwide, that there is still hope. There is still ways to lend a hand. And sometimes we’re not always aware of what other people might need. But just being there for your community, offering that hand does make an impact not only on me as an individual, but also as a family. It gives us hope that there are brighter days and that there’s always an opportunity to help others because we know that God will do the same for us.

Nan: Thank you, Jasmine, for sharing with us how kindness moves you. We’ve had Natalie Fitzpatrick on the show today and it’s been a really great time talking to her. She was walking us through her kindness journey and we’re really so grateful that she’s been with us sharing all that she’s experienced, you know, and some of it, I’ve honestly like never experienced before in my life, and it’s cool to hear, the kind of journey you went through, but then the way you, you got through it, you know, especially through kindness being your anchor. So I think it’s awesome. Thank you, Natalie, for, for joining us.

LP: Yeah, and it, excuse me, it brought us back to our teen years as well. No, but really, you’re encouraging me as a mother to see that kindness has played for you such a special role throughout your life, and I really want that for my kids and want to have a similar journey. I want them to have a similar journey. So I know I’ll definitely have to continue encouraging that every day for it to be a part of their life as well.

Nan: You know Natalie, again, we’re so grateful that you joined us today. Before we end, we really want to give you one last time to share any final words of encouragement to our listeners, and to just open up the floor, but I think we want to start this with a question. If you could speak to your 15 year old self, what lesson on kindness would you share?

Natalie: Oh gosh…15 year old me. Um, would 15 year old me listen to me?

You know what I think I would say to 15 year old me? Pay attention to how people treat each other around you because I think the most important thing that I didn’t really pick up on until I was much older was even if growing up you’re taught how to act, you don’t really listen to what you’re told, you follow the example you’re shown right? So learning, even through actions versus words, will tell you a lot about how much people need your help, or whether you need to take a moment for yourself, and show yourself that same kindness and compassion. I think that does also stem from my mom as well. She might have been really hard on me as a kid and really strict, but she was also really kind to other people around us and I think that’s where I picked it up from. So pay attention to people around you.

LP: Thank you, Mom. 

Nan: That’s great advice. I know. Thank you. 

Natalie: Yeah, thank you, Mom.

LP: Thank you so much, Natalie, for joining us. Now I have to think about it. I have to think about what I would tell my 15 year old self and our listeners as well. We want you to think about it, what would you tell your 15 year old self, to teach a lesson of kindness? We’re hoping to hear your thoughts on that. But again, we appreciate, Natalie, your coming on to talk with us about how you grew up, and how you continue to live with compassion. It’s, it’s been fun. 

Natalie: Thank you for taking me down memory lane.

Nan: Thank you so much. We really enjoyed it. Keep us posted on your journey. Let us know all the new things that you end up doing, and maybe we can join you one day up there in Canada.

LP: Yeah.

Natalie: Yeah, when the border finally opens up. That’d be nice.

Nan: Thank you, Natalie. Take care.

Natalie: Thank you guys.

Nan: So in our next episodes, please stay tuned for discussions on letting positivity drive our actions, amid sickness and adversity, no matter what age.

LP: Yes, stay tuned for more. There’s so much to come. And if you like the tips that you’re hearing follow the official INC Giving Project Instagram at INC Giving Project for weekly inspiration. So thanks for tuning in everyone I’m Lois Paula,

Nan: And I’m Nan. Also for more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness contagious, please visit incgiving.org. 

[show music extro]

Nan: And also, if you enjoyed this conversation, or the other conversations that we’ve had on this podcast, please listen to more episodes on Google podcast, Apple podcast and the INC Media, mobile app for iOS and Android. And also please subscribe or follow us to know when the newest episodes are available. You will be notified and you can listen right away.

LP: Yes, and you can join us in our inspiring conversation. So remember, act now. Make your move and do good because kindness matters. It’s meaningful. It motivates. Kindness moves.

[show open]

Frendhel: Having self discipline allows you to grow as a person and, not only that, it changes your perspective, it changes your attitude for the better. And what I’ve learned is that because of this, everything around me has changed for the better. If you drive on discipline, you know it has to be done, because it’s good for you, and you think about why you’re doing it – you’re gonna get up and do it. No excuses.

[show intro]

Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you, to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan: Moves you to take action, yourself, or just makes you feel something so good, it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good.

Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts LP and Nan. Now studies show that in order for a habit to form it takes repetition and a constant conscious effort. Right?

Nan: Yeah and so in today’s discussion we’ll focus not just on any habits but creating good habits for a growth mindset – how an attitude of gratitude, most especially, can impact our daily mindset and help us focus on the good, so we can do good for ourselves and those around us.

Lois Paula: Right. And so for today’s discussion, we will get tips from someone who consistently uses her online presence or digital footprint ,so to say, to spread positivity. So let’s welcome, from Washington State — she is a dental professional by day, and by night she’s not just a mom of two or a fitness enthusiast, a coach; she is also a producer, a correspondent, a content creator with Eagle Broadcasting Corporation and its many motivational segments, let’s welcome Frendhel Fejeran, otherwise known as Den Den. 

Nan: Hi Frendhel.

Lois Paula: Hey Frendhel.

Frendhel: Hey what’s good  LP and Nan? How are you guys?

Lois Paula: It’s good to have you.

Nan: Great, doing great, doing great. You know, LP I think in your intro you said, “by day and by night”, but I think by super early morning she’s like the workout queen right?, I think that’s what, what she is.

Lois Paula: You’re awake at dark o’clock. 

Frendhel: Dark o’clock, that is correct. That is correct. And I’m just really excited to be here on this podcast with you guys. And I don’t think, I mean I love fitness – I wouldn’t quite say that I’m the fitness queen. Although I love fitness and I can be a queen, so I guess you’re right. 

Nan: Perfect. Perfect. That’s perfect. We’re so excited to have you here with us, this past year has changed a lot of our perspectives and it’s really given us an opportunity to reflect, to reevaluate our goals right? And of course we all know we’re, we’re to varying degrees of isolation so we’ve really been put in positions to self motivate. So, if you can, Frendhel, help us understand firstly, what is a growth mindset?

Frendhel: So a growth mindset – what I’ve learned how to define it for myself, is being aware that everything that you encounter in life and everything that you experienced, there is a life lesson. So be willing to learn from every experience for self growth and to improve.

Lois Paula:  I love that and I like how you said what you’ve learned from you, because there’s so many definitions in the world right now, but just as you are discussing it, it’s how you’re taking it in, your perspective so that you can personally have your growth, you can apply it to your own life. And you know, you are also – yes, you are a fitness enthusiast, you’re a content creator for many motivational segments, but you know speaking of fitness, that in itself is just a big deal in terms of motivation. You consistently share your wellness journey online with your friends and family, which we know it isn’t easy. So how important to you is self discipline and self motivation? How have you made this a habit? 

Frendhel: So first I had to think to myself – what are the results of being disciplined? What is the benefit of it and why is this important for myself – not only for myself but for my family? And so when I’ve defined that and for me it’s, being able to work out and having self discipline allows you to grow as a person and, not only that, it changes your perspective, it changes your attitude for the better. And what I’ve learned is that because of this, everything around me has changed for the better. And so when I think about that, think about the positive change, I don’t rely on motivation to get me to the gym or to get me to work out. I rely on discipline. Because if you only rely on motivation, like there will be days where you’re like, “Man I don’t feel like working out. I’m too tired.”, you know? And if you always listen to that voice, you ain’t ever gonna work out, at least not on a consistent basis. You know what I mean? You’ll go work out once a week, twice a week. 

Lois Paula: AKA myself. Yeah.

Frendhel: If you drive on discipline, you know it has to be done, because it’s good for you, and you think about why you’re doing it – you’re gonna get up and do it. No excuses. But at the same time, you have to be forgiving, right? Because you just can’t go because mama life takes over, other duties take over, all your other responsibilities and then at that point, you know, you just have to be aware of what is your current priority right now, and be okay with not doing what you had planned to do. Self discipline for sure is, for me, most important.

Nan: That’s really cool to hear, the self discipline portion and how you kind of explained, even motivation. So do you see that the discipline, kind of, applies to other aspects of your life now? Like you’re more disciplined, you know, in anything else – it’s increased your discipline?

Frendhel: Most definitely. And thank you so much for that question. So, every aspect of my life – so I’ll give you an example. One is food. Don’t we love food? Right?

Nan: I do, I do.

Frendhel: Comfort food…

Frendhel: Oh yeah you know how people say they have a sweet tooth. 

Lois Paula: Oh yeah.

Frendhel: I have sweet teeth. Like, I love sweets. I love carbs.

Lois Paula: And you are, for how many decades, you know, in the dentistry field? 

Frendhel: So I just have to be like, you know, I have to make these changes. I have to be choosy and very selective of what I eat because of my health. So, health-wise, with food choices, discipline has played a huge role in me. I’m not telling you I’m perfect and I’m not telling you that I always make the right decision, but at least I made a conscious effort to make the right decision for my health, ultimately for my family. And another one is checking emails, and responding to them. So I learned in my job, that’s something that I have to do. And so knowing that I have to do it, even though I don’t want to do it. Because I do it consistently, regularly, I’m now applying that with my personal life and my personal emails. And so just, you know, things like that, but truly you can apply that with everything – your faith, as a mom, as a neighbor, as a family member, a sister, a niece, everything. There’s a home for self-discipline.

Nan: Right, definitely, and you know it’s interesting because once, once you have that discipline and you apply it to your life it’s like you’re just creating good habits. We know how important creating good habits are, it sets us up for success right so what about tips. What are some ways you stay motivated to keep moving?

Lois Paula: Yes because we need your energy Frendhel. 

Frendhel: Podcast hugs! So some tips, being forgiving, for one, right? Just forgive yourself and make room for regress. Like, be aware that you are going to fall back. But when you fall back, you have to remember that it’s only prepping you for a come back. Right? So with every fall back there’s a come back. And when it comes to the habits, you can, be realistic. Okay, so for example for me this year, my goal is to develop new 12 healthy habits this year. I’m not going to try and develop 12 habits at one time. Because I know that’s just gonna stress me out. You know, in a life of mindfulness and just mental wellness, I’m not going to stress myself out when I don’t need to. So I’m just going to choose one skill or one habit that I’m gonna work on for an entire month. Because as you know right, they say, depending on what you read, it’s either 21 days or 27 days of consistency where you will build a habit. So why not dedicate one month to one habit? Right? And so, for me, my first one is proper skincare before you fall asleep at night. That was January and, oh man, I was so good, so good for 20 days. And then that one day, I was like, “Aww man I’m tired.”. But that’s okay, because, you know, you pick back up, as long as you don’t give up – that’s the key. Like, you don’t want to give up. Yeah, so pretty much dedicating the one habit for the one month – being aware, being realistic with your goals. This month I’m working on doing skin care with my girls now. Because now that it has become a habit of mine, I get to have skin care parties with my girls. Right, so in hopes that they too will develop that habit. 

Lois Paula: Which that’s quality time as well. Yeah.

Frendhel: Exactly, quality time. It’s fun and they are helping themselves. 

Lois Paula: And I love that because you prove to yourself that you can do it as a habit so now it’s something you’re imparting to your children. 

Frendhel: Exactly.

Lois Paula: Awesome. And these are great ideas of how, you know, you maintain just habits in general but what if, like you said earlier, we’re human, we get tired, and sometimes you know we don’t necessarily want to move forward because we feel like we’re doing okay as is. We’re comfortable. There’s not necessarily a, like you said, a cause and reaction to, if we don’t push ourselves to move forward. Is that a right mindset to you, you know, and if not, what can we do to push ourselves forward? 

Frendhel: So let me ask our listeners this. If you knew that eating one potato chip was gonna cause obesity, like, the next minute, would you eat that potato chip?

Nan: No. (laughter) 

Lois Paula: I would say no. (laughter) 

Frendhel:  So, the point of that question is you have to push yourself, and the way you can push yourself is thinking about the consequences, you know? And there are negative and positive consequences. So, what is it that you want? What kind of life do you want? Do you want a meaningful life? Do you want to experience new things? Do you want to give out more to the world? Do you want to give out more to your family – to yourself? When you answer those questions, then you have to ask yourself how do I do that? What is required of me? And you have to know that, with any kind of growth in your life, is gonna come with discomfort and it’s gonna come with pain, it’s gonna come with stress, but it’s also fun. But what we need to do is bring ourselves to another level of self awareness. And once we figure that out, then it would be easier to get over our, the lack of better terms, laziness to move onward. And it’ll help us just live outside our comfort zone. And we hear that all the time right? Like, if you don’t change, nothing’s going to change. So if you want change. You got to change.

Frendhel: Once you change for yourself, everything around you will change without force.

Lois Paula: I love that and I love how strategic you have become with all of your actions, with all of the planning, it’s, it’s a process. You have to really think about, like you said, what do we want in this life? Is it a life of purpose and, and meaning and how am I going to get there? And you know, we talk about habits of just everyday growth, of progress, but here, you know, on Kindness Moves, on this podcast, we really shed a light on, not just changing your mindset, but also having an attitude of gratitude to help us grow and well, grow as well. 

Frendhel: You know, being aware of my thoughts and my attitude and my action has afforded me a lot of joy. And this is why – because I noticed that everyone that I talked to, or just like my family or my patients, my co workers – we have a pretty good time you know? And I want to also be that energy, that vibe that that will only bring you value. I don’t want to waste any time with anyone. And it’s not me, having a motivational speech with you. It’s not about that. It’s simply your smile, the way you communicate; you leave people feeling good. And when you leave people feeling good about themselves, they’re going to pay that forward right? And that’s the whole point of acts of kindness. You want to share and be contagious and infectious the right way. 

Frendhel: And that’s kind of like my life goal like when people are around me it’s like, they’re in my space, they’re in my home. How do I want to treat them in my home? How do I want them to leave when they’re not around me anymore? You know, what do you want to offer them? What kind of value do you want to give? And why do you want to give this? Because you want to help. 

Frendhel: For me, and, and some of the listeners that are in the act of service – and I know you are because you’re listening to this awesome podcast. You know, that’s what we want to do, so we’re gonna do whatever we can. And for those that aren’t naturally approachable or outgoing or smiley, that’s okay. You don’t have to be fake, right? But if it’s in your heart to want to give more to others, trust me, they will feel that. And again, it doesn’t even have to come from words – from your, just the way your presence is. And whenever you’re right in your heart, that’s what they will feel. And I also like to say this. Whatever you say from the heart, it goes to the heart. And that comes with your gestures too, and your actions. If it’s coming from the heart, it’s going to hit the hearts of others. 

Nan: That’s beautiful.

Lois Paula: And it’s so powerful that you put it that way. You exude that all the time Frendhel. That’s why you are here today speaking on this very topic. Because you are — you have that smile. Where do you get that inspiration from Den if we can ask you? You wake up every morning, and again, you’re up so early, you have, you know, a million things just as every, you know, parent and worker has these days. But you keep going and you still have this positive mind, where do you get that from? What’s your inspiration?

Frendhel: My inspiration is my faith. Number one and I – I didn’t think that was gonna tug at my heart. But that is my inspiration – is my membership in the Church Of Christ. My inspiration is — what our purpose is in life – to be a light. My inspiration is finally realizing that because of what your purpose is, you are valuable, you are worth it, you have something to offer, and knowing that gives me this God confidence, which is, with His help, and with His guidance, anything is possible. The sky is really the limit.  And so that’s why I’m just excited about waking up, I’m excited to share that with others because every single person has something to offer that can help save a life. So that is my inspiration, my ultimate inspiration. 

Frendhel: And after that, of course, is my family. My girls. My number one dream, when I was growing up, is to have a family. Well no, first I had to get married, number one was to get married. Then to have some kids, and to teach these kids to know and to love God. And that is something that has come true. And every day I need to show God that I recognize that He has brought life to this dream and I have to nurture it, cherish it every day.

Lois Paula: I love that and you’re living by example. 

Nan:  Yeah totally.

[music transition]

Lois Paula: And we also ask you, our listeners, our kindness ambassadors to chime in, you know, while you’re listening, while you’re performing your acts of kindness about how kindness moves you. So for this particular episode, before we continue with our discussion with Frendhel, here’s what Samantha Rimando from Southern Ontario, Canada had to say about how she’s motivated each day to take steps forward to help others. Take a listen.

Samantha Rimando: the thing that I’ve realized is … doing one thing today, you’re already farther than where you were yesterday. Don’t be scared. I think that was one of my biggest things, don’t be scared to ask for help. You go back to the INC Giving quote. And it’s like whenever you possibly can do good to those who need it. And I just hold on to that because I feel  like I’ve been graced with everyone who has always treated me with kindness. So moving forward, I want to treat people with kindness. People are hardened by this world, it’s like if you keep feeding them that kindness, I feel like that can give you peace, that will give you intenral peace and that is what people might be missing in the world.

Nan: Thank you so much Samantha for sending in your thoughts on how kindness moves you. Visit incgiving.org to hear Samantha’s full story. You get to hear and see how she’s helping young female professionals through “A Sister Movement”, which is a really really cool story so please give it a watch and a listen. 

But on the show today. It’s been really really fun. I’ve really enjoyed hearing Frendhel speak to us and share with us her experiences. So we’ve received some great tips today from Frendhel – how to create good habits for a growth mindset that allow us to do more good for ourselves, and especially for others.

Lois Paula:  It’s been extremely encouraging to remember that, while it isn’t easy, Frendhel’s reminded us that with persistence, you know, having God confidence, like you said, through prayer, it is very doable if we incorporate an attitude of gratitude consistently, you know, so acts of kindness really do become second nature.

Nan:  Right, so Frendhel, we’d like to open it up to you one last time for any final words of encouragement that you’d like to share or maybe even acts of kindness that you’ve witnessed yourself or even received that have been life changing for you.

Frendhel: Yes, I would like to share with everyone that every single person in your life has something to give you. And I’m telling you every single person in your life. And we can learn from everyone and that’s part of having a growth mindset; is knowing that with every single person in your life, with every experience, there is a lesson to be learned to help you live a more meaningful present, that will prepare you for an awesome tomorrow. 

Frendhel: The acts of kindness that I’ve seen for myself, is, I want to take it to the pandemic times, okay. So, not only does the, Iglesia Ni Cristo reach out and help the community on a really big scale. The community that I also live in here on a smaller scale, just my neighbors, there are so many people on our community Facebook that was offering their help to the elderly, to run their errands, to do whatever, you know, just to be of assistance. There are parents who have offered their homes to bring in a couple more of their, the children in their neighborhood so that they can go online, do remote learning together with their own children. And not only that, but because some parents have to work. And so seeing the community get together like that was very moving to me. 

Frendhel:  And, on a regular basis, on a daily basis, and it might be small to some of you but it’s always huge to me – just taking the opportunity to say hello to someone, and to ask for their name, and to ask how they’re doing. That is a huge act of kindness that goes a very long way, not financially. But you’re feeding their heart and you’re feeding their mind with something that they can use throughout their day. Because whenever you feel that you are actually noticed and acknowledged, wow, you know? And imagine if you yourself, recognize it within yourself like, wow, wow, people actually appreciate my smile. And then you do that more and then that person believes that wow my smile is actually contagious. And then everybody’s smiling, and it’s not fake anymore. And even though we have our masks on – yes, we could still tell, we could still tell you’re smiling or not. But, you know, just as simple as a hello. A warm hello is a huge act of kindness.

Lois Paula: I love that because we talk about, you know, acts of kindness, we talk about projects and efforts and really big elaborate, you know, planned out activities and things that you can do with your family or with yourself or in your community we talked about all of those things with the INC Giving Project and, you know, inspired by the things that we learned through the Church Of Christ. But here we are discussing on a very, I want to say minimal, but it’s so powerful. It’s just the presence of being positive, and really truly feeling it. And then, being that light, like you said, you know, for others to see, to see that we are Christians and this is our gift and this is who we are and if we can some way help you throughout your day, then I’m going to be here all day to give it to you. So, thank you so much Frendhel just for saying that and for sharing and giving us that perspective on how to just be disciplined, like you said, and looking at it as discipline because we have to do it. It’s something that we, we have to do. 

Nan: Yeah, thank you so much Frendhel. You know, it’s been really a treat to hear you just really express it the way that you’ve expressed it, and even the whole saying hello and smiling you know, I know you said oh it might be a small thing to some people but it’s huge to you, and you know I can totally see that because I think, to a degree like you can get kind of numb to the fact that people don’t smile or don’t say hello, right? So, when you finally do encounter someone that does say hello or gives you a smile like, it’s so impactful right and even for if you’re on the opposite side where you’re the one giving a smile or saying hello, like it makes you feel even better when you actually go and do it. But, yeah, the smile and the hello, is, is a huge, huge gesture. So thanks for sharing that. We really appreciate your time. And we look forward to seeing more of what you do on social media. But um, yeah we just want to say thank you. 

Frendhel: Oh, it’s such a blessing. This is a huge blessing. I really appreciate just being considered to be part of this wonderful movement through this podcast so thank you so much LP and Nan for, for giving your time to hear my story about growth mindset.

Nan: Of course, of course.

Lois Paula: Thank you Frendhel.

Frendhel: You’re welcome!

Nan: We hope you’ll join us and listen to the other guests in the future episodes, because there’s a lot of really, really awesome and bright, shining people just like you, that are going to be sharing their story. In our next episodes, please stay tuned for discussions on letting positivity drive our actions amidst sickness and adversity and how no matter what age, it’s cool to be kind. 

Lois Paula: Yes, please stay tuned for more. There’s so much more to come. Thank you for tuning in to all our listeners. I’m Lois Paula.

Nan: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas and how you can make kindness contagious, please visit incgiving.org, and add us to your playlists to favorites or download more episodes on Google podcast, I Heart Radio and Apple podcast.

Lois Paula: Remember, act now make your move and do good, because kindness matters — it’s meaningful, it motivates, kindness moves.

[show close]

The Healing Power of Kindness

[show open]

Dr. Sydney Fontanares: Kindness is an act, or it’s a practice. It’s something you cultivate. So being able to be intentional about when we practice kindness and asking ourselves those questions and reflect on it. The question that I like to use is you know “How can I bring kindness into my day – whether to me or another person in any small way?”, and just starting off my day with that and ending my day with that.

[show intro]

Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself. This podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan: Yes, how it moves you to action – you yourself. Or how it just makes you feel something so good, it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good.

Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts LP and Nan. 

Nan: Hi.

Lois Paula: So today on Kindness Moves, we talk more in depth on how kindness heals. It’s a topic that actually resonates with many of you, especially as we’ve all gained this new perspective this past year. And some of us are even more focused on our emotional and mental health.

Nan: That’s so true, LP. We’ve all had to adjust. I’m sure we’ve all had to learn to reshift our focus and I’m sure everyone has had to pick up some broken pieces to try to make the best of our different situations.

Lois Paula: So in terms of kindness. How can it help really? You know, are good deeds truly capable of being healthy for the heart, the mind for the soul? You know, for example Nan, if you think back to, for instance, you know, a rough time in your life, what’s one thing that might have helped you?

Nan: You know, it’s no secret, 2020 was such a rough year for almost everyone right, to varying degrees, and my family and I, we were no strangers to that. Unfortunately, I lost my mom in 2020. And that was definitely the darkest moment in my life. What was interesting though was even though it was the darkest moment, you know, kindness, really was one of those beacons of light and kindness from family members from brothers and sisters in the faith, from friends – that that kindness really helped us to maintain that that positive outlook and mood, you know, so kindness really does move and help others.

Lois Paula: Absolutely and firstly I just want to thank you for sharing that Nan. Our hearts are truly with you and everyone who have grieved especially this last year alone the loss of someone or even something you know I’m sure all of us have lost something – plans or a future, you know, that we were hoping to have. But you’re right, having a community, it strengthens us, it reminds us that there’s still so much more to gain in life from all the blessings that we have and for me personally, it’s, it’s my kids, actually, you know, they remind me to take more moments to laugh and be present and to be more joyful so their kindness their natural being of you know them being kids it, it truly does help me. Yeah, so we talked about today, how can we use kindness to help, ourselves first, so that ultimately we can be of better help to other people. Actually, before we even get to that, what is this feeling anyways? That feeling of being affected, just by one simple act of kindness. Why is it so powerful?

Nan: Right. That’s the big question right and this episode is why it’s a perfect time to bring on a clinical psychologist to help us explain what that feeling is. So let’s please welcome, Dr. Sydney Fontanares.

Dr. Sydney Fontanares: Hello. Hi. Hi Nan. Hi LP. How are you guys?

Lois Paula: Thanks for joining us. 

Dr. Sydney Fontanares: I’m so excited to be here. 

Nan: How are you?

Dr. Sydney Fontanares: I’m great, well as good as you can be, right?

Nan: Yeah, you know, and we’re really excited honestly, because you know the fact that this is your field and this is something that that really fits right into, you know, this, this whole discussion fits into into your field of work and we’re really excited to hear from you and. You know, according to studies like we’ve seen that there are certain studies that are out there and they’ve described what’s been called as, quote unquote happy chemicals in our brain. Right? And when we’re a recipient of kindness or if we witness an act of kindness or something where someone does something nice for somebody, there is an actual physical reaction that happens in our bodies when we witness those things right Dr. Sydney?

Dr. Sydney Fontanares: Yeah, so those happy chemicals we call those neurotransmitters. And these are chemicals that occur in our brain that sends messages through neurons which are the building block of the brain and they send messages to one another, and it, it makes certain parts of our brains function, elicits pleasurable feelings, it motivates behavior. So, a couple of these specific happy chemicals, that is what I’ve seen in research related to, when someone is doing an act of kindness includes dopamine, which is our reward hormone. So when we do something kind for someone. We get rewarded for it. Our brain, really likes it and it will produce dopamine, and it would elicit a pleasurable feeling. 

Other happy chemicals or neurotransmitters is, it includes serotonin, which is our mood stabilizer. So for patients that we see who have clinical levels of depression, our psychiatrists and our doctors, they typically prescribe, what we call an SSRI, which targets the serotonin in our brain. So, we can see how it very much relates to feeling happy or stabilizing our mood. 

We see an increase of that when people are doing acts of kindness. And there’s this thing actually, if either of you have heard of like a runner’s high, it gives us like a, like a really happy feeling, there is this thing called like a helpers high. So, when we are doing an act of kindness, or even witnessing an act of kindness, we can get that increase of happy feeling sort of that glow that we get. And then also, there’s something I did read recently to is the neurotransmitter oxytocin. Are either one of you familiar with that one?

Nan: We have heard of oxytocin Yeah.

Lois Paula: Is that the love hormone right?

Dr. Sydney Fontanares: It is the love hormone or the cuddle hormone.

Lois Paula: Oh cuddle hormone.

Nan: Cuddle hormone.

Dr. Sydney Fontanares:  Yeah, super cute. It occurs when, where we see it in childbirth, when we’re petting a dog or hugging a loved one or a family member. It’s a way for us to build trust and comfort with one another. It builds the strong bonds with one another. And this is so essential in our society and that’s why it’s so important to help one another and create those connections.

Lois Paula: Yeah, and it’s not just a feeling, there is an actual physical reaction that’s happening in our bodies, you know, there’s no hiding that it’s not just, oh I feel good and it, you know, seeing it. It makes me feel, you know, warm and fuzzy inside. It’s an actual chemical process that’s happening. So you mentioned, you know kindness being something that we can do. What are some simple things that we can do on a day to day basis, maybe, to help elicit that response in our, in our bodies, in our minds?

Dr. Sydney Fontanares: Sure. So I would say the first thing would be, you know, not only just acts towards other people, but kindness towards yourself. There is the Psychologist, Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Tara Cousineau, she has done a lot of research on kindness and mental health, and she noted that the first person that’s important to receive kindness, is yourself. She talks about how sometimes we get so distracted by our own, I guess unkindness to ourself, we can’t be kind to other people. That would be a good start. 

Another thing too – I read just some research about just tracking our kindness, having like a kindness journal. I know like the big thing is like a gratitude journal. But having a kindness journal and being able to note, you know what kind of kindness, what acts of kindness you’re doing. The research was on happiness, subjective happiness and having people just write down acts of kindness that they’ve done throughout the week for one week. And what they notice was that people became more happy when they were just doing this intervention, just writing things down, of what kind of acts of kindness they were doing, and even planning for kindness, they’ve written down in they notice that people were, not only happy, but more grateful.

Lois Paula: It’s a great way of putting it, and it’s like you said, it’s a constant conscious effort. Right? And we appreciate you bringing that up because I don’t think we truly realize how impactful doing something so small can really be you know for those around us yes but like you mentioned, Dr. Sydney, but even for ourselves. And these days, you know we need as much contagious positivity as we can really get.

Nan: Right, I totally agree and Dr. Sydney, thank you again you know you speak of the physical impact the chemical influence doing good has on our emotional well being. And we truly thank you for starting this conversation with us. But now, before we jump to our next guest, again we want to say thank you we will come back to Dr. Sydney further down in the podcast but right now we’re going to jump to another guest to speak to us about spiritual well being and how kindness can heal the soul, as well.

Lois Paula: Yes, so we like to say hello and a warm welcome to a Minister of the Gospel, Brother Lowell Nucum. Hello.

Nan: Hi Brother Lowell.

Bro. Lowell Nucum: Hello LP. Hello Nan. Thanks for having me.

Lois Paula: Yes, thank you for joining us. We’re so grateful. Over the years, Brother Lowell, you have become someone who not only teaches, you know, why kindness is representative of Christian behavior, but you practice this as well. We’re so grateful because you have participated in many of the INC Giving, you know, campaigns and Make Kindness Contagious so to say. But what moves you, you know, to really take every opportunity, Brother Lowell, to turn it into a simple act of kindness?

Bro. Lowell Nucum: We’re really always grateful, in the Church, that we have opportunities that are presented to us to be able to do something kind for other people. We recently had our Make Kindness Contagious campaign and it’s a blessing because it gives us opportunities or reminds us of the different ways that we can be kind to other people. When we talk about what moves us to be kind, it really is a good feeling isn’t it? 

I remember when I was younger, I was always with my dad. Whenever there would be someone who just arrived in United States from the Philippines, my dad knew who they were for some reason, I guess it was because he was a travel agent also, and also through people at Church. And what my dad would always offer people who just came from the Philippines is, he would offer to drive them to go get their driver’s license or ID at the DMV or he would offer to bring them to the Social Security office so they can apply for their social security card and social security number. He would just do these things out of kindness, I suppose, you know, when I was young. And I just remember just observing my dad and after a while, you see that he was really happy to do it even though, you know, when we were young, we didn’t have very much, and my dad was very busy as well. But he set aside time to do that. And so, I think, I’m very blessed that that’s something I think I got from my dad is that whenever you have a chance to do something kind for someone, to do it, you know. 

As a father now, that’s something that I really want to make sure that I show my son. Not only because I’m a Minister and it’s something that I teach, but it’s just something that we make as a way of life, just to see how people are doing, just to offer help whenever we can. It’s not really that difficult to find opportunities to help others right or to be kind to others? Sometimes there’s an anxiety I think especially now, because people communicate more often than not, through social media, through the internet or through phones. It’s not face to face, and all the more during this pandemic, I think people have had less face to face, or, you know, in-person contact. And I think sometimes it can, that makes one a little bit anxious to approach people in person, and to talk to people or even to reach out to new people in general, because you have so much control over who you interact with now and even if it’s uncomfortable. 

But I think when you have that desire to do things that are kind to do kinda kind things for others, then, you know, it gives you a lot of motivation to overcome that anxiety because of of the effect that you can have on others and I think, the more that you do it, the more good it feels you know what I mean? It’s an opportunity that presents itself through God’s grace. And I think and then when you take when you make the most of that opportunity by, really, offering kindness, whatever kindness you can, then God’s grace will also reach you and your family as well right?

Nan: Right, right. That’s so true Brother Lowell, like, everything that you touched on it’s so spot on. I think you’re in a really special position because inherently, a part of you being a Minister of the Gospel, you help others on a daily basis, which is already great because you have those opportunities. But on a personal level, what has been the most memorable moment that you can recall where you really were guided to help another person who might have not necessarily came to you, but you were called to action anyway?

Bro. Lowell Nucum: We had our Make Kindness Contagious Campaign and, you know, my wife and I are talking, and we’re trying to figure out what are we going to do. And my wife, always sees our elderly neighbor who often is outside mowing his lawn or taking care of his yard. And so, she said, well, you know, we never really have talked to him or said hi to him. And so, she said well, let’s prepare a care package and bring it to them. And so that’s what we did. We prepared some fruits and some snacks, also some hygiene items as well. And we brought them over to our neighbor, and that was a good thing. The good thing about going there as well was, you know, we didn’t realize that his wife had already passed away, but we had seen his wife before around. And so, you know, just that the act of going there and doing something kind for him also gave us an opportunity to be able to help, you know, have a part in helping him through his grieving, consoling him and having, you know, for him having someone to talk to. After that he was visiting us here at the chapel compound once in a while talking to him. We were able to give him God’s Message magazines whenever he comes by. We’re encouraging him to listen to the teachings inside the Church, we’re continuing to share our faith with him and so, yeah, God really gave us that opportunity through the Make Kindness Contagious Campaign. So that, that’s very very memorable. 

Nan: Wow, that’s really really awesome. 

Lois Paula: Yeah, that wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t taken the opportunity and just the persistence to not think about, like you mentioned earlier, the anxiety or you know the the doubt that can come in a person’s mind and you just you just acted, and that opened the door to, possibly, you know,  allowing him, like you mentioned to, to learn more about the Church Of Christ and, as you mentioned also, use it as a learning experience for your family and for your son. Just like you had learned from your dad you know in years past, so thank you sharing that. It’s beautiful.

Bro. Lowell Nucum: We’re also grateful for that chance too. You know it’s during the pandemic right and, a lot of people I think have anxiety to also interact with other people And where we live here in Wrightstown, New Jersey, it’s already a rural area, farming county and sometimes, a lot of people move here or stay here because they don’t really want to interact with too many people. But because of the Make Kindness Contagious Campaign, we said hey this is our neighbor, this is something should do and it opened a lot of doors for other opportunities for acts of kindness. And so we were very grateful for that. 

Lois Paula: So we discussed today actually you know how kindness can help us individually, we mentioned mentally, emotionally, spiritually because we are trying to understand what it can do for us. Kindness really does have the ability to heal and we have all felt that. Thank you Brother Lowell for sharing those moments where you were inspired and hopefully all of us are inspired to take action as well. 

Lois Paula: Dr. Sydney – If we can touch base again on how impactful one simple act of kindness can be for a person industry-wise. Can you put into perspective, the need, you know that people face for this type of chemical reaction induced by kindness? 

Dr. Sydney Fontanares: Yeah, there has just been just a lot of recent research out there about just loneliness. An act of kindness is a connection with other people. And being in this pandemic, you can imagine what the difficulty with loneliness has impacted our society. I was just reading an article. I think it was just last year, talking about, even before the pandemic, many countries were already having difficulty with social isolation and loneliness. They were calling it already, a behavioral epidemic. And as the pandemic has happened, it’s only made things worse as you can imagine. And there was another article, I believe it was the first month that COVID-19 had hit the United States, loneliness increased 10% of within, like, the adult population. So 18 years and older, and emotional distress tripled. I think it was also the height of many people going into therapy or seeking mental health support. I myself was fairly busy at that time too and just many reports of being isolated and lonely and even, you know, having, like Zoom or FaceTime wasn’t really helpful. We, we kind of call it like the loneliness paradox, like even if you’re on social media, and you have like 1000 friends, it actually makes you feel even more lonely. 

So people are really craving for social connection, a real true authentic connection that acts of kindness can give. Specific  populations that are affected by loneliness – our elderly population, those who are in low-income households, people of color. More research has, has been looking at, parents, especially mothers who are feeling extra isolated. Because, you know, everything is virtual now. There isn’t a lot of child care support, and also our young adults. There, even again before the pandemic, I think the statistic was like four, four in ten adults, young adults. They are experiencing some sort of social isolation. 

So that’s why, again, going back to why an act of kindness is so important is that everyone’s craving for that connection for that moment of, even with a stranger they said like not not only you know people near us but strangers can benefit from an act of kindness.

Nan: Yeah it’s very eye opening to hear, like, those stats and all those facts that are well, documented. And I guess it really highlights how it really is important for us to understand not only our needs, but the needs of those around us and understanding what kindness can really do for us. So thank you again Dr. Sydney for sharing all those stats with us. Brother Lowell, if someone listening might be afraid, you know maybe they’re shy. Maybe they think, you know, I’m just one person that can’t change the world, why even bother? What would be your advice to them?

Bro. Lowell Nucum: Well, one of the verses that we often hear when we’re talking about our kindness and our giving inside the Church Of Christ is what’s written in Proverbs 3:27. “Whenever you possibly can do good to those who need it.”. And so in that verse, there’s the first part, whenever you possibly can. There really are many opportunities to be able to help other people. We do have our various campaigns and projects in the Church through INC Giving and Aid to Humanity and whenever those opportunities arise, we should participate. 

But at the same time, there are many opportunities that present itself daily, and to open up ourselves to those opportunities, you know, one should not think well, I might not be able to make an impact. Who can I help? What can I help? I’m the one who needs help. Right? You know, overcome that anxiety or hesitation, we can remember the acts of kindness that others have done for us, you know, when someone just simply asked us how we were doing. When someone just smiled, when someone gave us a pat on the back, when someone complimented us. Those are things that don’t require a lot of effort, but they really were good things for us or they really helped us, they were acts of kindness for us. 

And so, you know, even if materially we may not have too much or so much, even if we think to ourselves that we can’t have a great impact, you know, when it actually comes down to it, we can have a very great and positive impact on other people’s lives. So don’t be afraid, small things count, matter and can do great things. So, just say hi to people. Ask people how they’re doing. Offer, offer an ear to, you know, to listen to what people are going through. Offer what we have, even, you know, the little that we can offer can be really a lot to, to others. And you know sometimes when we offer our help, you know sometimes people refuse. And that’s just part of putting ourselves out there. That’s an act of kindness itself isn’t it? Even if we weren’t actually able to give what we wanted to give. We have many things to offer right? There are online tools, printed tools and media that we can use as well, that we can share with friends who are in need. 

Nan: I think it’s, it’s so interesting because you know the acts of kindness can also vary, you know like the spectrum of acts of kindness is not just like one thing that you can do. You know we could help people in so many ways.

Dr. Sydney Fontanares: Yeah, yeah, there is research, psychologists or researchers on social networks. They were doing a study on acts of kindness, and what they can see is that it’s three degrees of influence. So it’s not just the person that you are being kind towards, so if it’s your friend you’re being kind towards, it’s gonna be your friend’s friend, and then your friend’s friend’s friend. So your small act of kindness can influence someone that you don’t totally know. And again can be that, that ripple effect.

Nan: Wow. Very cool.

Lois Paula: And it goes even bigger, yeah it’s even bigger than, than what we think initially, what we hope for it, what the goal is. It has such a bigger impact than we could ever imagine. Thank you so much.

[music transition]

Lois Paula: And we did ask you, our listeners as well. Our Kindness Ambassadors to chime in, about how kindness moves you. So for this episode specifically, here’s what Maricel Soliven from Temple Terrace, Florida had to say about doing acts of kindness and how it has inspired her. Take a listen. 

Maricel Soliven: Hi, my name is sister Maricel Soliven, and ever since I’ve been a part of the (INC Giving) Project since 2011, I didn’t know that there were small things that I could do to make so many people happier– just by, whether it be leaving a note, whether it be just saying thank you, or even greeting people that you pass by on the street. The INC Giving Show has made me more aware of how I can do small, simple things that make the world a little brighter.

Nan: So thanks Maricel for showing how kindness moves you. Today we’ve had clinical psychologist Dr. Sydney Fontanares and Minister of the Gospel Brother Lowell Nucum on the show today. They’re both sharing with us on a psychological and also a spiritual level, how kindness heals. Now, before we close the podcast. We would like to ask the both of you for maybe a closing point that you’d like to share with our listeners. Maybe we could start with Dr. Sydney. Maybe this is their first time hearing about this topic or, or, realizing just how impactful kindness is.

Dr. Sydney Fontanares: Yeah. I was just reading this thing about Benjamin Franklin. From what I understand, he would always ask himself, “What kind of good can I do today?”. And then, even at the end of the day, “What kind of good did I do today?”, or something along that line. Kind of telling us that kindness just doesn’t happen upon us. Kindness is an act. It’s a practice. It’s something you cultivate. So being able to be intentional about when we practice kindness and asking ourselves those questions and reflect on it. The question that I like to use is you know “How can I bring kindness into my day – whether to me or another person in any small way?”, and just starting off my day with that and ending my day with that.

Nan: Very cool, very cool thank you so much Dr. Sydney that, that’s such a solid point, it’s intentional and people can tell when you’re intentional and sincere, so thank you. Brother Lowell, if you had any parting words or something that you’d like to share with us and our listeners, please feel free. 

Bro. Lowell Nucum: Oh yeah, I think, you know, however big or small our contribution can be, or our act of kindness can be – that’s what we possibly can do, do it right? Do it, because people really need it. You know, we know we know what we need. And that can give us an insight of what other people need as well and just, you know, get out there and do those acts of kindness whenever the chance presents itself.

Lois Paula: Ok, thank you so much, Dr. Sydney and Brother Lowell for your inspirational advice, your tips and your knowledge that you have given unto us and our listeners. Thank you for sharing.

Nan: Thank you so much. I’ve learned so much today. I, you can’t tell, but I’m smiling. I’m smiling.

Bro. Lowell Nucum: It’s a blessing for us too, to be a part of this program and to be able to share as well so thank you very much for the opportunity.

Lois Paula: Thank you so much for joining us, to the both of you. We appreciate you. Thank you.

Nan: In our next episodes, please stay tuned for discussions on raising kind kids, creating a growth mindset, and so much more.

Lois Paula: Thank you so much for tuning in. We hope you are as inspired as we are to truly be affected by kindness and, in turn, help others feel it as well. I’m Lois Paula.

Nan: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas on how you can Make Kindness Contagious, please visit incgiving.org. And please add us to your playlist of favorites, or download more episodes on Google podcast, I Heart Radio, and the Apple Podcast app.

Lois Paula: Remember, act now. Make your move and do good because kindness matters. It’s meaningful. It motivates. Kindness moves.

[show close]

How To Teach Kindness To Kids

[show open]

Teresa: One little thing can make a difference in somebody’s life and seeing her realize that and seeing her do these actions on her own without us telling her what to do, has been so amazing. For us, our biggest success is raising a daughter who is kind because that’s just her heart, and for us that’s the most important thing.

[lead in]

Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself, this podcast is here for you, to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan: Moves you to take action, yourself. It just makes you feel something so good, it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good. 

Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast, brought to you by the INC Giving Project, we’re your hosts LP and Nan! 

Lois Paula: So today we are actually talking about a topic that hits close to home — raising kids, now specifically raising kind kids! Being a mother of two, this topic, is something that my husband and I, we always try to instill in our kids in different ways. But we know, there isn’t a one size fits all approach; but definitely, we value seeing and hearing what other parents have done to raise their kind kids.

Nan: Well you know LP, I, I gotta say, I don’t think you give yourself or Glenn, the credit that you guys deserve. You know you and your husband are definitely on the right track — trying is already the first step, and seeking knowledge is the second step in the right direction, so you’re on that right path. And I have had the privilege to meet your kids and to get to know your kids, and I gotta say they are truly kind kids. 

Lois Paula: Thanks to you Uncle Nan.

Nan: But I don’t have any little ones of my own… 

Lois Paula: Yet.

Nan: …yet, but I do have nieces and nephews, you know, and I also helped with the youth group in our local congregation, and I’ve come to learn that kids have such a wide range of personalities and influences so I can see why there isn’t a one size fits all approach.

Lois Paula: Yes, and I’m glad you brought that up Nan, you are a teacher in the Children’s Worship Service and so we’re grateful for you and your help and you’ve seen my kids and you’ve helped raise them and our co-officers, you know in the office and whatnot. So we’re grateful. It does take a village to raise a child so thank you in advance for all that you do for the youth in the Church Of Christ being a teacher in the Children’s Worship Service. 

But yes for all our listeners who are new parents, maybe you’re a grandparent or even that awesome aunt or uncle, like Nan, who is helping raise you know the kids in your household, this will be a fun and hopefully helpful listen to us all. So our guest today is actually a mom herself, who is also an educator, so let’s welcome everyone Teresa Castro.

Nan: Hi Teresa.

Teresa: Hey everybody, thank you so much for having me. Hi.

Lois Paula: Hello. Now Teresa before we get started, can you introduce yourself to our listeners? How long have you and your husband been parents?

Teresa: We have been parents for 10 years, going on 11.

Nan: Oh nice.

Lois Paula: All right, and your, your, you have one daughter, is that correct?

Teresa: Yes correct one girl.

Lois Paula: How has parenthood been thus far — 10 years, congratulations.

Nan: Yes congratulations.

Teresa: We have been really spoiled. She’s amazing. She’s an amazing little one. So she’s very talented and hardworking and so loving and so we’ve been really, really blessed, but she is, you know, going through those almost teenage years and we’re trying the best we can, but she’s still wonderful, we’re very lucky.

Nan: I remember being in that, at that age. I can say that I was not the kindest, so…

Lois Paula: You weren’t a kind kid? (laughter)

Nan: No, I tried to be, but you know as a young kid, you play in the playground.

Lois Paula: There’s a lot of influences like you said.

Nan: Yeah. But my parents did a great job and got me right back on track.

Teresa: Well that’s good to know it’s never too late. But luckily Katelyn has been, she is just intrinsically kind. So, it hasn’t been hard for us but we know that teenage years are coming. We’re not sure what they’re going to bring so we’re praying hard, but we’ll do our best, that’s all we can do, right?

Nan: Right. And you know, you hear it in this podcast, it’s in the title, “kindness” we hear the word kindness a lot. And it can be perceived in so many ways. So Teresa, what’s your idea or definition of kindness?

Teresa: Wow, that’s a big question. Yeah, kindness is, I mean of course it’s being friendly to others, but I think a big piece of kindness when it comes to when we’re talking to our daughter is being generous, and also being considerate. We often talk about, you know, being kind means putting others before ourselves a lot of the time, and we try to instill that with her as much as possible.

Lois Paula: Absolutely, and it’s something that you have to keep teaching, it’s not something that you just teach one time and you know it goes away but like you said she’s entering in her teenage years, and there’s a lot of influences so hopefully you know what you have taught and what you will continue to teach like you said will will be implemented. 

But we’re talking about kindness and parenthood. But what about upbringing? How has kindness been instilled for you specifically Teresa, as you were growing up? Do you recall certain moments where it was in your family and now it’s impacted the way that you treat Katelyn?

Teresa: Oh definitely. Growing up, my parents were, you know, they were very strict but they were also very kind, not just to me but to everyone around them. So I was very blessed because when my parents raised me they really did teach me to put others first and I think that was a big thing so whatever I do, I accomplish, whatever I get, I just make sure that you know I’m serving others and that’s a big part of my life, life of service. That’s why I’m a teacher and that’s why we instill that in Katelyn as well, because you know when she does that for others that, of course makes her feel good too and it’s the right thing to do. 

So, I always saw my parents giving to others very generously. A lot of the times you know putting others first and making sure they got everything they needed before we got all the things that we needed. And growing up, you know, it was hard to understand at first but then after a while you saw and you saw how wonderful it felt to really give to others so seeing them do that and being generous with their time and with their resources, not only with our family but with friends and with people from our Church, that was, that really made a big impact on me and I knew that it was something I wanted to carry on to my to my daughter and my family.

Lois Paula: Absolutely, I agree. I think when I look back, it was my mom who I looked back at as my hero, you know like, the most selfless person in the world. But yeah kindness is definitely something we strive for every single day. It’s easy to disregard it, especially the times that we’re living in everyone is, you know, needing something so it’s easy to kind of just forget about it and really focus on ourselves. Yeah, I’m glad that, that inspiration has allowed you to carry what you’ve learned on into your parenthood as well. So in a way, you know, being kind to something we all need to really fight for like you said, and make sure it continues despite all of the negativity around us.

Teresa: Right, absolutely. And I like how you put it that you have to fight for it because it’s not something you know you can learn it one day, but a lot of things happen in life so we really do have to teach our kids to fight for what’s right, and whether or not other people are doing it, you know, you have to really fight for, for kindness for being kind to one another and yourself as well.

Nan: Yeah, I totally agree. You know kindness, it takes effort right. I mean it’s easy to only think of yourself or disregard the needs of other people and you know you talking about your parents and how they raised you to put the needs of others ahead of yours, you know I think that’s a really really great lesson to have been taught to you. And it’s great to hear how kindness was something that was instilled in you at such a young age, you know, and I really do think your parents found success because it seems to have really stuck with you even into parenthood.

Teresa: Oh, thank you. That’s probably the biggest compliment that you can give them. Thank you so much that’s really kind of you to say as well. And it’s really yeah it really is so important to us so thank you for that.

Lois Paula: And you know we can’t say it enough kindness kindness kindness it’s the name of this podcast and it’s a topic we touch on every single episode, but we usually we talk about how we should and could be kind — but today’s a little bit different because we’re also talking about how to instill it in, not only ourselves, but in the kids we raise. You know to see how much it can really impact, not just us and those around us but have a lasting impact, even after we’re gone you know for our kids.

Nan: Yes. Yeah, and that’s, that’s the goal right. And it’s not just about us and what, how we can improve ourselves but also the kids that, you know, as parents that you have to raise and also the kids that are in our lives, whether it be through our family and friends. So Teresa earlier in the podcast we learned what your idea or definition of kindness is, how does that translate into you raising a kind kid? 

Teresa: So for us, like I said, a big part of being kind is being generous and considerate of others and we explicitly make sure that we take steps towards that, if not daily, you know, at least weekly. And ever since she was small, we made sure whether you know, whether it’s our savings how we saved, we made sure that we had enough to give to others. Every week we make sure, what you know what did you do for someone today or what did you do for others this week? If you haven’t done anything, what can we do before the end of this week? That’s always an explicit conversation that we’re always having. Because it’s easy for her to see what kindness is, but sometimes it’s hard for her to do it on her own, and she’s getting to the age where she really is doing it on her own at this point. 

So, we talked about not just doing the kindness, but, but why? Why is it that we do it because when you understand the reason why you are kind to others it becomes embedded in what you do. And so we do have those conversations of, of giving to others, especially when we had like activities for the Church where we did our acts of kindness for others and, and a lot of those things that we did they were funded by her she made sure that that came from, from herself. It was truly, it wasn’t something from her parents. We didn’t make her do it, she, she really reached into things that she earned and made sure that this was really coming from her and that was a really powerful moment for us as her parents, but also for her as well. And I think that was very lasting because even now she remembers those things. And you can see her starting to do that on her own, without us prompting her to do it.

Lois Paula: That’s a beautiful accomplishment.

Nan: Yeah, I would say like, that’s a proud moment. I could feel the pride, you know like, just in you sharing that moment, yeah it’s it’s really nice to hear. 

Lois Paula: Yeah, and we’re so grateful. you know you use your platform Teresa to even to share the tips and things online you know with other parents and with your friends and family who are also listening and following you. But in terms of, you know, the many facets of just raising children in general, why is raising a kind kid so important to you and your husband? What does that mean to you? And where does that inspiration come from?

Teresa: I mean, with our faith we’ve always been taught to be kind to our fellow man, and also to our family but if you take a step back and you look at people who are kind, they’re just overall happier, aren’t they? 

Nan: Right.

Teresa: You know, when you’re kind and you do things for others it feels good. And when you’re happy also you have less stress you know that’s really important in the world we live in today. And so when you’re kind to others, not only do they benefit but you benefit too and that’s something that Katelyn has realized that she’s doing it for others but she, it makes her feel good so it makes her want to do more and so I think it’s really important to be kind, because of course you create those connections with other people, you make friends, your self worth really starts to build because there’s a high correlation between your self worth and feeling like you belong and being kind to other people because that’s how you get along with people.

Lois Paula: Absolutely, you create those connections and those connections could, who knows, one day lead to somewhere else where it wouldn’t have ever, you know, opened the door for it if it weren’t your taking the moment to, to be kind and to be generous like you mentioned.

And you said also earlier, your faith had a big part, a big role in, in the way that you raise Katelyn and the importance of raising a kind kid you know since instilling a strong understanding of Christian kindness, has been implemented in your life and you’re implementing it and Katelyn’s, and what are some things that you decided to do well with her like you said you you practice something on a weekly basis you have affirmations that you, you do. What other things are you learning over the years that are helpful and maybe not so helpful, maybe there are some things that you’re like, oh my gosh that did not work let’s try again.

Teresa: Right. Yeah, I think at first when, you know, when she was when we were really trying to instill the kindness it really was for us. I mean she, her personality is, she is a people pleaser. She loves to make people feel happy which is a blessing, but it also makes me wonder if it’s lasting. Also is it something that is really her or is this us, you know, so that was a challenge in the beginning we weren’t sure like okay she’s doing this but is she doing it for us, or is she…

Lois Paula: You’re right. You know, when you’re young, you really don’t understand too much, you do, but you’re right — is it because it’s what your parents are telling you to do or is it because you really feel like it’s right. 

Teresa: Right.

Lois Paula: At what point did that click? At what point did you really feel and see that what you were teaching her was really being understood and taken proactively in herself?

Teresa: Like I mentioned before, I think a big part of it was teaching her why we did what we did and why we choose the things that we do, when you, when you’re kind to people why is it that you do it, you know, and giving her a lot of stories about when we grew up, maybe this tiny thing that we did has such had a such big impact on someone else’s life and sharing those stories with her and her realizing that even small acts of kindness can make a huge difference to somebody’s day and, you know, she has bad days some days and and you know talking to her about you know if someone just gave you one word of kindness, what difference could that make for you and she realized like you know what yeah that would turn my day around, you know one little thing can make a difference in somebody’s life and seeing her realize that and seeing her do these actions on her own without us telling her what to do, has been so so amazing and I know it’s very important to raise children who are successful in life but for us, our biggest success is raising a daughter who is kind because that can open so many doors and that’s just her heart, and for us that’s the most important thing.

Nan: That’s so great to hear you know clearly you’ve, you found a great way to learn and even practice kindness and, and instill that in Katelyn. And you, you kind of already answered this, because you’ve stated that she is proactive and even during the make kindness contagious campaign that you and your family participated in. It’s cool to hear that it was like all her kind of taking the reins and asking you to, to help her with that. So, are there any particular opportunities that she enjoys and she like actively like asks you to take her to or to volunteer for? I mean, are there certain things that she just enjoys doing as far as helping others?

Teresa: Oh yeah. She’s old enough now to start researching. You know, we watch her research but she takes time now to kind of look for things that she can do to make a difference, you know, she researches what kids her age can actually do out there and so she’s found a lot of great things and we do continue to donate to the shelter near us which we started doing with the kindness campaign from the Church so we started back then and we continued that right now and actually made quite a bit of friends over there so yeah, so that was, that was huge, that was huge, we would have never done that without the opportunity so so we’re very thankful for that. And you know, she takes time to make crafts or she makes goodie bags to carry around in the car so if we see, if we see someone in need on the way like she yells out “Give them one, give them one.”

Lois Paula: I saw, I thought that was so smart you called it something specific, what, was it?

Teresa: She called them blessing bags.

Nan: Oh wow.

Lois Paula: Blessing bags. How beautiful is that? You have it in your car, you prepared ahead of time just so you’re, there’s never a reason for you not to give it.

Teresa: Absolutely. And so she’s, she’s so proud to do things like that and when we find people who need, she she goes out there and she’s eager to go out on her own and and that’s just such a big you know quality to go, to have the courage to go out there to people you don’t even know and offer a helping hand, you know, and and we’re so proud. We’re so proud about that.

Nan: Wow, that’s, that’s really cool and that’s a great idea to those blessing bags I, I’m gonna have to take a page out of Katelyn’s book and make my own blessing bags for my car.

Teresa: Yeah. You know something lately she’s even started her own little business and part of it was, we were asking her “Why? Why are you doing this?” and, and she came up with a business plan. One of the questions was, what are you going to do with your earnings? And I was expecting a lot of answers but this was a really proud moment when she said, “Oh, I’m going to I’m going to donate them.”. And she said, and then I said so. “So Is that why you’re doing what you’re doing?”. She’s like “Yeah because so I can make more to give.”. And so that was, that was when we knew that this was really becoming a part of who she is.

Lois Paula: That’s beautiful.

Nan: Wow. That is awesome. That is so cool. And I want to say thank you so much for really showing us how important it is, as a parent, to raise a kind kid and and it really does shine through in just everything that you’ve shared with us and what we’ve heard about Katelyn and you and your husband and and all the things that you’ve done to instill that in her. So what’s really interesting is, okay we’ve established you’re a parent and you’ve had these experiences where you’re able to instill kindness in Katelyn. But what about as an educator? Because you get to kind of see both sides of the coin, you know you’re a parent, and then you’re also an educator so based on your experience, you know, how much of a difference does it make when you’re working with or teaching kids that are just, you know, genuinely, and sincerely kind?

Teresa: Well this, it’s a big reason why I became an educator because kindness is such a big piece of me and, you know, when I work with kids that’s, that’s actually my number one goal. Of course academics are so important, but for me, it’s really important to instill that character, and that’s my number one thing I’m known for it. It’s so important. It’s so important and not only, you know, raising kids who are your own or kids in your classroom, raising kind kids is not just for a bright future for them but a bright future for, for all of us. And it makes the world a better place, and I truly believe that kids are naturally, intrinsically kind and helpful. That’s how they’re born, that’s how they are. Sometimes they might go a different direction but that’s really who they are to the core so it’s not hard to bring them back to that. And so when they come to us, we want to make sure that they can access that part of themselves and when they leave us they hope that they continue to continue to do that.

Lois Paula: I’m getting emotional because I just think of my, my six year old and he’s in kindergarten, and you’re saying all those things that I just have, you know, there are so many hopes and dreams as a parent you want for your child and and you know as much as I see like, you know, the tantrums, I do see the beautiful kindness in these little small moments where he’s interacting with his teacher and he just, you know, she asks, “Do you want to answer the question, Ryder?” and instead of just blurting out an answer, you know, “Thank you Mrs., yes I would like to,”.  I’m like, oh you’re so polite like, where did that come from? 

So it makes me so emotional to say that — and firstly I just actually want to thank you, Teresa, as an educator, and all of your colleagues. Thank you to all of our teachers and educators all over the world. We appreciate you. We appreciate what you’re doing, your sacrifices, everything that you have done in all of your years in education, it means a lot, coming from a parent. Doing this virtual thing, it’s all new to us, but you have so much patience and love for our children. So thank you, thank you, endlessly for what you’re doing.

Teresa: Thank you so much. I know it, we don’t hear it often, but we, when we do, it means a lot so thank you for saying that.

Lois Paula: Before we continue on with our conversation. We did ask you, our listeners as well, all of you, our kindness ambassadors, to chime in, about how kindness moves you. So for this episode specifically, here’s what Cindy Sandi from Temecula, California had to say about kindness and compassion, and how it can help in our own families. 

Cindy Sandi: The INC Giving Show reminds me that in this time of darkness, there is still light shining in this role, through love and compassion. We are the examples of hope and faith in our community. But most importantly, to our family. It has to be shown to them through the act of a giving heart, we share and reflect the love and mercy, that God has graced us with, even during this time of uncertainty. Being able to give is such a true blessing. We are humbled by his love and we are happy to give, as well as share our faith.

Nan: Thanks Sandy for sharing how kindness moves you. You know we’ve had Teresa on the show today. And we’ve had a great time hearing about how she’s instilling kindness in her child. Her and her husband have done a great job and it’s really been fun hearing about those experiences and also your perspective as an educator, so thank you Teresa for sharing that with us. Now we’ve mentioned this earlier in our discussion during the podcast, you and your family were part of the Make Kindness Contagious Campaign and we’ve seen you participate in various outreach projects for the Church Of Christ. How has the INC Giving Project helped you in your goals of raising a kid?

Teresa: Oh it’s, wow that’s kind of hard to put into words. So the activities in the Church, especially the making kindness count, has been such a big deal because it gave us opportunities to really get out there and I think we’ve always wanted to do those things but we didn’t really take the initiative initiative to do them so it gave us a vehicle to do what we’ve always wanted to do and those prompts for what we were to do every day, we wouldn’t have thought of those things on our own and so it was really fun for Katelyn to see those and it was fun to see what she can come up with for every day, that was really fun. So without those activities, I don’t think we would have done it as soon as we did and we’re happy to continue to carry on. We continue to do those things even now, so we’re very thankful for that.

Nan: Very cool. So is, that whole campaign was kind of like a catalyst for all these new ideas that Katelyn and your family are participating in.

Teresa: Oh absolutely, because when you go out there and you try to find things to do, they’re just kind of, there’s a lot of things and you’re not sure what you should do, what can you do, but this was really motivation and she was excited every day to see “What’s, okay, what’s next, what’s next, what are we going to do next?”. And she was planning those out and we were together making those calls to the different shelters and who was accepting what, what can we do, just really making that part of our day and part of our lives and knowing that it’s not as hard as we thought, because those were always big ideas that we thought like “Oh we’ll get to them someday.”, but not realizing it’s not really that hard and these campaigns forced us to do it every day and when we’re done we’re like, oh, that wasn’t so bad we can continue to do this all the time and so that was, that was really great and we’re thankful for the opportunity and for the motivation to, to show kindness.

Lois Paula: And I think a lot of us share that feeling where we think that it’s this big hurdle that we have to really plan it out and think about it and create this elaborate plan, like you said, but at the end of the day it’s not as difficult as we would think it to be. So we’re grateful and you actually you mentioned this, but before we go, we did want to just ask you if you did have any parting piece of advice that you would like to share for parents or maybe people raising kids to be kind — you know, what would that be? As an educator or as a parent, you mentioned some great things today and we are inspired by your words and by your insight so any last tips or advice that you can give our listeners?

Teresa: Oh well I can learn so much from you, but in my whole 10 years, I think the biggest thing for us is our faith, and praying together and praying for ways to be kind and to do what we should do in this world, really being lights of this world and helping others and I think it’s really important to teach our kids and our students as well that, that they’re worthy, they’re worthy of receiving kindness and giving kindness and every little bit of kindness makes a difference to others so it’s always worth it. Even though you’re having a bad day, or even though things are hard is, showing kindness to others will always be worth it for them and for you as well, so instilling that in our children and in our students that really leads us to a bright future for all of us. And so, I don’t know if that was really advice but I think…

Nan: That’s great advice.

Lois Paula: I think just speaking positively about it and empowering one another to, like you mentioned, to understand that everyone’s worthy — that was so beautiful and and that’s why I appreciate your posts. On a, on a general basis, you use your platform to share inspiring quotes, to share motivational stories, on your platforms constantly about kids and, about the youth and education so thank you for that as well.

Teresa: Oh thank you. I didn’t know I had an audience.

Lois Paula: Everything that we do online it’s there and again you’re using your digital footprint, so to say, in a positive manner, so your educator mode is always on.

Teresa: Thank you so much.

Lois Paula: So thank you so much again Teresa for joining us. You’ve highlighted ways for us to help us raise kind kids and there’s also more examples from volunteers like you and Katelyn and your family featured on ingiving.org or on the Instagram, the official INC Giving Project Instagram so check it out for more ideas, if you haven’t, to all our listeners.

Nan: Yes, and we are so thankful. This was a lot of fun. It was nice to hear such inspiring words and just inspiring experiences that you’ve had with your family so thank you so much Teresa for joining us.

Teresa: Thank you for having me.

Nan: So in our next episodes, please stay tuned for discussions about one of the important values, one can carry into adulthood, kindness, no matter how young or old, we break down how to keep a compassionate upbringing in your toolkit early on as a young professional and through the decades, as we focus on the true value of doing good.

Lois Paula: Yes – so, so much ahead, we hope you enjoy these conversations as much as we are. Thank you for tuning in. I’m Lois Paula.

Nan: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness contagious, please visit incgiving.org.

Lois Paula: And add us to your playlist of favorites or download more episodes on Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio and Apple Podcasts. Remember, act now — make your move to do good, because kindness matters; it’s meaningful, it motivates, Kindness Moves!

[show close]

Building Confidence in Yourself and Others

[show open]

[lead in]

Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself. This podcast is here for you to highlight how kindness moves.

Nan: Yeah, how kindness moves you to action, you yourself. Maybe it’s just something you feel, something so good, it’s contagious. You might have been touched by a simple act of kindness. Maybe you want tips on how you can act now in your community or you just love the feeling of doing good.

Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness Moves, a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’re your hosts, LP, and Nan. That’s right. Our very own host also of the INC Media program Blueprint– Nan Zapanta.

Nan: Hi everyone. Hi LP.

LP: So Nan, today we are tackling you know a topic that might not seem like an obvious trait or characteristic that we need in order to help others, but it makes sense when you really think about it. Okay, today we discuss confidence. And for those who might not say you know it’s not really needed you know to be kind to do good. Our guest today just might change your mind.

Nan: Yeah you know LP, it’s really interesting what you mentioned about confidence, not being an obvious trait or characteristic, you know most people probably think, oh, you have to be nice. You have to be patient. You have to have a kind heart. You know those are the main traits that they associate with a person that wants to help others and I totally agree. Those are great traits and are definitely needed, but confidence, confidence is too and it makes total sense.

LP: Yes, and for any of our listeners who are on the fence, you know about going out and volunteering or reaching out to those who may need help– maybe you don’t know where to start. You know I myself, you know, sometimes I doubt myself. I get a little bit timid, you know, maybe you feel like you’re not qualified or you’re not good enough to help as in you know you feel like what you have to offer isn’t that valuable. But hopefully, today’s discussion will dispel any doubt, and it will give you a push towards the right direction. So for today’s show, let’s welcome from Las Vegas, Nevada, Ludan Taquiqui. Hey Ludan.

Ludan: Hello.

Nan: Hey Ludan.

Ludan: Hey Nan.

Nan: Oh, it’s so awesome to have you. I heard your story and I’ve met you in person, we’ve had cool discussions in person and it’s so cool to hear from you again.

Ludan: Oh most definitely. Same here.

Nan: So Ludan let’s just jump right into it. You know we’re talking about confidence. You are an entrepreneur, you’re a boxing trainer. When I was over there I was privileged to visit your gym and I got to see you and your students in action. Can you tell our listeners a little bit about your boxing training, the gym that I was able to visit, and your goal in helping your students?

Ludan: Okay so my boxing training, it’s really to help people to better defend themselves. And also, basically living out my passion of sharing the talent that God gave me. And if you could share that with others, basically what happens is you get lost in time, when you get lost in time you just start to help people with unconditional love and energy. And it just, it just makes everything simple. 

Nan: I witnessed it first hand you know when, like I mentioned, I was able to visit you at the gym I don’t know if you remember, I was definitely not at the same level as you and your students but I got to see it happen and, and it does feel like time kind of slows down and you’re really just focused on the task at hand and what made it really cool it was it wasn’t just seeing everyone into boxing, it was like into helping each other, you know, I even saw your students helping each other and kind of like what you’re talking about how you get lost and doing these acts of kindness.

Ludan: Absolutely and and it’s just it’s just so organic, because once one hopes out each other, I want others to help hope out of each other and basically it’s just, it’s a gift that keeps on giving.

LP: Yeah, absolutely. Ludan how long have you been boxing for? Has this always been a part of your life, or you know, how did this start?

Ludan: Basically, when I used to live in Colorado, I saw Manny Pacquiao back in the day and that was like uh, about 2001 and I really wanted to do boxing but in Colorado didn’t have nothing. So when I moved to Vegas in 2003. That’s when it all began. Yeah, so it’s been since 2003 with the training and learning the sport. 

LP: Which is awesome because you know you would think that boxing it’s competitive, you know it’s super physical but you’re not only just training, you know your body you’re training for a fit mind and you know all of that. 

Ludan: Right. 

LP: That’s pretty inspiring. For all of our viewers who want to see, Ludan actually has a feature from the INC Giving Show. You can check it out on incgiving.org, where we kind of take a look into, you know his gym, like Nan said, we see him and his students in action. But we know Ludan that there’s so much more to your story we kind of want to dive in deeper into your inspiration behind all of what you’re doing. You mentioned in your story, you mentioned free classes. So you’re not only providing training for these students but you’re providing something else in addition to that. Being an athletic sports trainer, it’s like a big platform that you’ve chosen to take and you built on it, even beyond physical training. So, can you share with us a little bit about, you know, what you’ve done with, with your studio and how you’re taking further steps to, again, not only to have a fit body, but a fit mind as well for your students.

Ludan: Definitely. So mandatory before training we always pray. We gotta pray before training.

Nan: Nice. Nice.

LP: I’ve never heard a boxing gym that does that.

Ludan: Yeah, we basically got to ask for God’s guidance, we ask Him to coach us, to teach us, and to really send, send the Holy Spirit to be with us because at the end of the day, I couldn’t do it without God. And my boys is working with an Olympian that got signed to Top Rank and praise God, He’s been with us you know so I’m like wow. To get back to your question, so basically– mandatory, we always got to pray. And then at the end of every boxing session, we have a conversation. We talk about what we learned. There’s always ways to take a particular story and infuse it with, with the teachings that we learn daily. Yeah, so that’s basically the key to the success that we’re gaining as a squad, so like wow.

LP: We’re so grateful that your students are receptive to it. Can you tell us a little bit about the students that come in, you know, to your gym to, who are they, young are they older?

Ludan: Yeah. So basically, a lot of them are young right now but there’s actually a couple. There’s a handful of students who are actually a little bit older, who are like an Air Force officer, there’s some realtors. But like a majority are young, so basically what happened was, what I did was, donate my time to a rec center, to help out with boxing, and eventually like when I was donating my time, the classes got way big, and they started double charging the kids. And I’m like “Oh no that’s, that’s not right.” because the parent started talking to me and I was like “Oh what’s going on?”, they’re like “Yeah they double charging us now.” I was like “Wow, so you know what, yeah we’ll train at the park. We’ll train at the park so you guys don’t have to worry about that.” And they’re like, “Are you serious?” I said “Yeah yeah.” I said “But there’s a condition though.”, and they’re like, “What’s the condition?”. The condition was, you have to do Bible study and each Bible study gets you a free class. 

LP: Wow. 

Ludan: They’re like, “Are you serious?”, “Yeah.”

Nan: You know, and that’s what really makes it even more awesome, is the fact that these are free classes. As we all know, 2020 was a hard time for all families. So how much more impactful was it to have free classes and and why do you choose to do free classes because anyone, anyone that has a skill and knowledge can charge something, even if it was just even a small amount they could charge something. But why do you choose free classes for these families and the students?

Ludan: There are certain people who I do charge. There are certain people. Like if I know they can handle it, alright cool I’ll charge. But if I know that the family is going through it, you can kind of tell. You know, you can kind of  see it. So, the reason, the way I look at that, about giving free classes, it’s like, hang on, hang on real quick.

Nan: It’s ok, take your time. It’s alright.

Ludan: Yeah, the way I look at that is, it’s l like a offering, you know what I’m saying? So it’s like an offering. Because if God gave you a particular skill or a particular talent. The way you could give back is by giving it for free. Like, they could go listen to the teachings. I mean, yes, money is essential. But there’s also a portion of your life that you can dedicate to God by giving your talent to them for free. And God willing, their heart opens up so that they can actually listen to the teaching. You know what I mean? So that’s that’s basically the way I truly look at that part– is giving your talent to those individuals who who need it. And then also finding a way to open that gate of their heart to hear the truth, and you know what, to be honest with you, there’s been a couple who have actually have been receptive. There’s this guy, he listened to it and he, because after they listen to Bible study I basically tell him listen, after you’re done listening, I want you to tell me 20 things that you learned from this Bible study.

LP: Oh wow.

Nan: Nice.

Ludan: And after that we’re good. Now, when he texted me all the things he learned, he’s like, “Wow, that’s mind blowing.” 

LP: Yeah 

Ludan: That’s crazy. But you know, you know what was the most touching part. He continued. it’s kind of crazy. I apologize about being emotional,but I’m like…

LP: No, it’s so it’s so beautiful because we’re talking about you know having confidence to do what you love and without any doubt or without any fear of what the outcome would be, and that’s what you have been doing over the last few years, and you know, moving into this year you are reaching out to, you know, young people people in your community and you’re offering everything that you love about boxing and everything that you love about, you know your faith and about your membership in the Church of Christ, and you’re offering it and you’re giving it to them with confidence that it’s going to do something and if God is going to call them then they will be called. Without any fear you’re giving it to them and if they if, you know, if it’s God will then, then, then they’ll continue to listen. So, thank you. We’re trying to you know, we’re we’re learning about how to be more confident and where in your life, you know that has been a trigger and how we can also be like you Ludan. So, yeah.

Nan: No apologies honestly because just like you said you’re putting your heart and and sincerity into helping these students honestly we feel the heart and sincerity in you just sharing your story with us and we really appreciate it and I can’t thank you enough. And and it’s clear you know in everything that you’ve been saying we’ve been able to hear about, you know, how, how faith has impacted this how confidence has impacted this whole, whole effort of yours. And it seems like just, you know, back to just the athletics part of it right athletics in general are a great way to build confidence in young people. For those that don’t know, our very own LP, she is has a background in dance and choreography. So I’m sure that was a great way to have confidence as a young person right LP?

LP: You know yes dance I consider it a sport and I’m grateful because, you know, it did over the years, being introduced to dance, you know, having to learn that self discipline, it allowed me to have confidence and not only that, it introduced me to mentors, you know, within the dance industry, who were there to help me and to push me you know anyone who is into sports and into a craft they want to get better, you know, and it’s these mentors that help push us and help inspire us to become better so I definitely appreciate what it has taught me and I’m sure Ludan, just boxing in general, can you kind of, you touched on this earlier, but, you know, what about boxing, about this sport help you build your own personal confidence?

Ludan: Oh, when you step in the ring. And you’re still able to function correctly, you’re still able to stay on the right path of doing what you got to do you got to hit, move, move different angles and basically control them versus them controlling you when you actually go through all those different challenges of the person trying to hurt you, but you’re still able to function, it only builds you up even more. So that’s a that’s a real beautiful trait and you can just see a light and were they able to able to stand up for themselves and also respect each other. They hold, they hold us a particular type of confidence where they’re like, Listen, you can stop you can stop messing with me because there’s actually a lot of bullying going, there’s a lot bullying going on in his world so if you can actually stand up to the people who are doing wrong things to you. You can talk to them first. And I tell him I’m like, Listen, you got to control yourself, you can’t. You can’t just hit nobody you have to do. Yeah.

Nan: It’s interesting you brought that up right because you know with boxing with any of any physical or, or self defense type training, you know you you gain confidence because you know that you can protect yourself like you mentioned earlier on, but then I’ve also found that almost every single person that I’ve run into that is a boxer or a mixed martial artist or it has some sort of background in combat sports, they’re actually super respectful, like, I don’t know if it’s because of the knowledge that they have that they know that they can protect themselves they had the confidence so in turn there they end up being more respectful more. I don’t know just more pleasant. Yeah, yeah, yeah do you see that? Do you witness that in your experiences?

Ludan: Yeah, definitely. You’ll notice that. Like you’ll see that the most cheerful like the real cheerful ones, something like you know, I don’t know, I really believe that each coach that really teaches it, they all, they make sure that a lot of their students uphold respect for one another. And it’s funny that you, we were actually talking about that because there’s actually a time when these brothers and sisters were joining our class. And there was a time when the sister was making fun of the brother the brother was making fun of his sister but it was all in front of us. And they’re cutting each other down and I’m like, “Listen, you cannot disrespect your sister in front of us. Matter of fact, you shouldn’t disrespect her overall, but what what more when you do it in front of us, because at the end of the day, if we disrespectful to each other, what more out there?” 

Nan: Right. 

Ludan: “We have to we have to respect one another.” 

Nan: Yeah, what you’re saying about it reflects right on how you are in the gym that also reflects on how you are out in the real world and that’s why it’s important to to maintain kind of that that respect for one another. And I guess that also kind of goes into confidence right because when you’re facing challenges in this life, but you kind of earlier on, you talked about a boxing match and how someone’s going to come try to beat you, yet you know that you can overcome, you can come out on top. I guess that’s also in life right like so in a way you’re teaching these kids that confidence that no matter what they face in life, they have what’s needed to, to to win the fight.

Ludan: Absolutely. Because that’s actually already in the scriptures like like that confidence part, if you really think about right so like being a Christian– I said, when I am weak is when I’m most strong, what, what do you mean, when you’re weak is when you’re strong? Like what? That’s kind of opposite, you know what I mean? Or in the Bible, it also says when you’re going through troubles be joyous. Like what? That’s opposite right like it’s, through the outside world it’s insane to even say that, but that’s exactly what we are. And what does that equal? That equals confidence. So if you mess with somebody if someone or they’re supposed to be going through problems and supposed to act the way humans should act which is “Aww I’m going through problems I should feel down.”, no the teaching says, when you go through problems and you’re going through challenges, be joyous right so it’s like whoa that’s really it’s almost like whoa, that’s a, that’s a weird person, but no.That’s just being a true Christian, you know. So that equals confidence at the end of the day. 

Nan: Definitely, definitely. So, Ludan, you know, we’ve already discussed confidence. We’ve seen how it’s helped you with our students, and how it’s helped, not only you, you know, it’s helped your community. So, and that’s why I want to kind of bring it up because I know you’re doing this whole boxing training thing which is already awesome but then on the side, I know that you’ve helped strangers pay for groceries. I know that you’ve handed out gift cards to those in need. So how has confidence played a role in you deciding to help others even in that way and if you could just kind of share with us some of those instances where you did help others out.

Ludan: Well, basically, the way I got my confidence in the first place was a basically a bunch of a bunch of different things from way back in the day when I first met one of my first job was selling Cutco. You know those knives?

LP: Yeah. (Laughter)

Nan: Knives, yeah. (Laughter)

LP: We all know Cutco (Laughter)

Ludan: I was like I was super happy about that. I was like, yeah mom I got the job, but we gotta buy these knives first. Like what? What do you mean you have to buy these knives? Yeah, if I buy these knives and then I get to show people, and then I get paid for it. Right. So I end up doing that. But you gotta, that’s basically where my confidence started building. “Can I show you how good these knives are?” They’re like, “What?”. So it started from there. So it’s all about the approach first and foremost. I mean so it’s like the approach. You know there’s a time when I was working at marketing where I had to talk to random people, it started from there but at first, it was scary to talk to a stranger like I don’t even know them, I don’t know if I can talk to them, right? So, for those things for those experiences that I’ve had in the past, it made it easy to approach people that I didn’t know. So in order to do that, I had to have a particular, basically I don’t know if it’s covered, it’s like basically thick skin, not being shy. And just because in order to even invite, in order to share your faith, you got to have some type of confidence. Right, so it definitely is something mandatory.

LP: Yeah, no, and it’s great because you are taught, you know you had these experiences in your professional life, you know, years ago and then you turned that confidence and that, you know, not being shy, if you will, you turn that into something that you’re passionate for, your boxing and your being able to influence, you know, these, these young people in your community and then you’ve also used your confidence and sharing your faith. You know you’re using all of this, everything that you’ve learned to kind of allow God to work through you.

Ludan: Ah, yeah so yeah it’s definitely one of those things so it’s like man– imagine if Jesus Christ didn’t have no type of confidence, he couldn’t convince his disciples to follow him. I mean, so if we’re true Christians, which means follower of Christ, it’s mandatory that we, that we have confidence. 

Nan: It’s so awesome to hear that you know every time there is any mention of confidence, you always pair it with faith. So even when you’re doing you know these acts of kindness, like I mentioned earlier, how you know you help pay for things or you, you gave out gift cards and stuff like that, do you also see that as a way of sharing truth? You know what I mean? 

Ludan: Absolutely, absolutely. It’s better to act, than to just talk. It’s a whole lot better than just to be saying that you can help people. You really gotta put that action in. Because if you don’t give none, if you don’t give nothing, and it doesn’t always have to be in the form of money, it’s also just some form of helping people– If you don’t give a portion of you, how could they give a portion of their time to you? 

LP: Yeah, absolutely. Paying it forward.

Nan: Right.

Ludan: It’s a give and take situation. 

Nan: I think it’s really really cool to see you’ve clearly like illustrated to us how your confidence, both in your boxing and even stuff that you’ve read, you’ve paired it with your faith, you know, and it’s an interesting combination. How have your students gain confidence through faith I mean we already know that they got confidence from from training and from boxing, but how have they gained confidence from learning about faith?

Ludan: Pray. When you’re actually praying, you’re automatically putting your faith, hope and trust into God, you’re not going in your battle, you’re not going into battle alone. When we actually prayed before training, I’m like, “Listen guys, we may be praying here but when you’re at home or when whatever it is you’re doing if you’re at work– some of you guys are not old enough to work yet, but when you’re about to do something like when you’re about to do some type of schoolwork or do a task, pray, pray for pray for courage pray for confidence, pray for the abilities that you need to succeed.”. And that’s what it is. So everything that we do in the gym, you can do outside, you know what I mean? By having a particular mindset– you have to have that winning mindset. That winning mindset is all about, you know what I mean, being the best you can be. You don’t have to worry about trying to be better than others just have to be the best that you can be. And you do that. Everything else pretty much falls in place.

LP: There you go. And you said you mentioned it you know your, your faith and confidence in God is really really powerful and it’s, you know, confidence in what God can do for us you know what he can do through us if we open our heart and mind to it.

[Music Transition]

LP: Now we also asked you our listeners, our kindness ambassadors, to chime in as well about how kindness moves you. So for this episode. Here’s what JC and Lynn Juatco, also Fitness Trainers from Northern California, had to say about giving back to their community and how the INC giving project can help.

JC Juatco: Hey everyone! What the INC Giving Show means to me is that it’s a great platform for those to be inspired by brethren around the world, giving back to their community.

Lynne Juatco: It inspired me to do good to those that need it so we have received many blessings in this life so why not share it to others, whether or not people are watching. So thank you INC Giving Show.

Nan: Thanks JC and Lynn for sharing how kindness moves you. We’ve had Ludan Taquiqui on the show today and we’ve heard so much about how confidence has really played a big role in him sharing acts of kindness and helping others out in his community. So Ludan you, you’ve seen the INC Giving Project and it’s continued throughout these years, you’ve, you’ve, you yourself, you’ve been giving an action as we mentioned earlier– can you share maybe a favorite INC Giving experience that you’ve had, or maybe a project that you’d like to see in the future?

Ludan: INC Giving experience that I’ve actually got to see and I got to experience was when we all went to give appreciation to the firefighters, you know the firefighters and the policemen. That was cool. That was actually pretty cool just to take the time, take the time to go there and give them gifts and all that and, you know what I mean, to see their smiles, to let them know that we do appreciate them in the community. It was nice. It was actually nice to see, you know like, just to see their smiles, other ones where we went to the homeless areas and we were giving out food, just hanging out with them and spending time with them and doing Bible studies and, you know, just socializing.

LP: Just knowing that, you know, you’re making a difference not only in your community but that everyone is united across the world, can you imagine then if we all had this confidence like Ludan has to just go out, you know, and continue, no matter what without any reserve. We need, we need more of that so we’re grateful for all the tips you shared with us and your experience. Now Ludan, before we let you go, if we can just have you just share, maybe a last parting piece of advice for any of us that may feel, you know, we aren’t good enough or capable enough to help others. Maybe it’s something that you learned in training or words that pushed you forward all these years, in making kindness contagious. What would it be?

Ludan: One of the things that really gave me the confidence every single day, no matter what, it’s including God and all your plans and you will be successful. So whatever plan it is that you have, you, when you include God, the creator of the universe, the creator of all things, how can you go wrong? How can you fail? Because even your quote unquote fail is actually a blessing in disguise. So no matter what, as members, we’re winning. Period. No ifs, ands or buts. All we have to do is finish our race, stay strong, stay focused, continue to spread love, always be prayerful, and definitely every single day be grateful. There’s always something to be grateful for. And when you do that when you have that in your mindset when you have that winning mindset every single day. It exudes just in your presence alone. Always ask God please use me as your instrument to reach out to those who are lost in this world. Every single day, you know what I mean, so long as you ask that and you’re useful. You have to, you gotta understand in this life we don’t want to be useless. So we want to be useful. So, so that’s, that’s one of the things that I could actually, I would love to always be a part of– to always be used by God, as his instrument, to reach out to those who are lost in this world. But the truth is, don’t hide your talents. If you’re great at dancing, there’s a way to start up a dance class and use that dance class as some type of charity work boom, a matter of fact, after this is a Bible study. You teach people how to be a spokesperson and all that and like, listen we got this little class, boom boom, teach you how to present yourself, boom– and you know, matter of fact, after this we also have a Bible study. Whatever talent it is that you guys possess, use that and include God with it and watch the blessings flow.

Nan:  Man, I’m confident right now LP. I’m confident to step out my door right now.

LP: Yes you can Nan. Yes you can.

Nan: And it’s, it really is like what you’re saying Ludan. I mean I think in a nutshell, it’s our confidence really comes from just having confidence in what God can do right?

Ludan: Yes, yes, absolutely.

LP: Yes, what He can do for us, what He will do through us, so long as, like you said, as we do our part. 

Ludan: Absolutely. 

LP: So thank you so much Ludan.

Nan: Yeah, we thank you so much. We really appreciate you joining us. Thank you for your time.

Ludan:  Nan thank you guys so much too. It was definitely great to talk to you guys. 

Nan: Cool. Well, We definitely have to chat again.

Ludan: Yes, that’d be cool. Alright Nan, alright LP, thank you so much guys. You guys have a blessed day.

Nan: You too. Thank you. Alright, in our next episodes please stay tuned for discussions on raising kind kids, and how please and thank you might be a good start, but how else can we teach compassion in our family and raise children with generous hearts.

LP: Yes there’s still so much more to come, so many discussions to have and to learn in order to be more compassionate and to see how kindness moves. So thank you for tuning in. I’m Lois Paula.

Nan: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness contagious, please also visit incgiving.org.

LP: And add us to your playlist of favorites, or download more episodes on Google podcasts, I Heart Radio and Apple podcasts. Remember act now. Make your move and do good, because kindness matters. It’s meaningful. It motivates. Kindness moves.

[show close]

Doing Good One Step at a Time

[show open]

[lead in]

Lois Paula: Whether you’re hoping to heal the world or heal yourself. This podcast is here for you to highlight how Kindness Moves.

Nan: Yes. And you might have been touched by a simple act of kindness, you might want tips on how you can act now in your own community. Or maybe you just love the feeling of doing good.

Lois Paula: Welcome to Kindness moves a new podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project. We’ll tackle topics on volunteerism, on creating good habits for a positive mindset, on raising kids, or maintaining an attitude of gratitude, generosity even in entrepreneurism and so much more.

Nan: And we’re your hosts, Nan, and LP.

Lois Paula: So Nan, we’re bringing up something today that everyone gets. You know, we’re human, and as much as we want to make our lives better you know by helping those around us, we all have limits. You know, we can admit it, we all get tired, we all get fatigued.

Nan: Right. You know, we feel it; all of us feel it today, especially with so much going on. And in today’s world we all wear, you know, multiple hats. We’re having to juggle sometimes more than we can handle, you know, all of us have so many different responsibilities and sometimes it just seems like we can’t even catch our breath. So where can we possibly find the energy to continue helping other people if we can’t even help ourselves or if we don’t have the energy to help ourselves?

Lois Paula: Right. So well, to our listeners finding yourselves in the same boat, let’s get re-energized together today. We have joining us in our episode, a Kindness Ambassador who will share what kindness moves she’s made for lasting and continuous impact, despite fighting fatigue — a runner’s fatigue to be exact. So everyone let’s welcome, Renezen Benedicto. Hi Renezen!

Nan: Hi.

Renezen: Hi, how are you guys?

Nan: Renezen, I just want to jump right into it because Renezen is such a unique name, but I have heard you being called by another name. Is there another name you go by?

Renezen: Yes, I have a few, but most people probably know me as Dimple.

Nan: Dimple, can you please explain — why do people call you Dimple?

Renezen: I have these monster holes on my face.

Lois Paula: Monster holes.

Nan: That sounds scary.

Renezen: It is, but they’ve been there since I was born, so like ever since I was a baby I’ve been known as Dimple.

Nan: Dimple. Okay, so it’s pretty obvious why your name is Dimple, so thank you for clarifying. So Dimple, you are a runner and you recently finished a race that you participated in and you’re also part of a running group in the Bay Area. So what is it about running that you love?

Renezen: You know I, to be honest, I never really liked running. I grew up playing sports and running was just that thing you had to do, but I think as, you know, as I got older and like, you know, everybody’s busy, running just became this way for me to still go out there and do something active and not be dependent on people’s schedule and stuff like that. And then after a while, it just became this way for me, you know, on busy days and days where it’s really stressful, like work or with everything going on in life, it’s kind of like an escape — regardless of how I feel going into the run I always walk away feeling better.

Lois Paula: That’s a beautiful way of putting it. It’s, it’s your hobby. It’s your pastime. It’s, you know your way like your, your self care type. And it’s also something that helps you physically, you get these natural endorphins that help you and make you feel better. So can you explain to us what is runner’s high Dimple? You know, there’s this natural chemical change that happens right, can you explain what is it? How do you feel? How do we get it?

Renezen: I know, I didn’t really believe it, until — for me, it’s when I hit like the third and fourth mile. Like the first two miles, I have to convince myself the whole time like — “do not quit, you just have to run a little bit more, a little bit more.” But there’s a threshold you cross, and like it just feels good. You know, there’s still pain right, like your muscles hurt and like, you’re still focusing on your breathing but everything just, I don’t know, something turns and everything just feels like you’re meant to be out there running. And for me, I think that’s what runner’s high is. I know people have described it in very different ways, but you do walk away feeling so much better at the end of it. And you you know for me like I know, I get there, when I’m running and I’m already thinking about the next place I want to run. 

Lois Paula: What’s the normal run like how many miles?

Renezen: You know lately, especially right now, like for me right now a couple of miles is, is good. But I used to be able to run three to five miles, a couple of times during the week that part feels normal. And like, I live on hills so sometimes when you’re running downhill like the rush of it, is even, it builds up the exhilarating, it builds, yeah.

Lois Paula: I’m already getting pumped. I’m getting inspired, I’m going to run, not really, maybe. I need to. 

Renezen: One of the things that I learned, because like I said right, running was not something that I loved growing up. And it wasn’t until a few years ago actually, where I just decided to go out there to run. Like it didn’t matter if I ran like half a mile or a mile or two miles, it was just I was just gonna go out there and if I ran half a mile and that was it. I was good, like I wasn’t going to put that pressure of “I have to run three miles I have to be this fast, at this point.” and all of that stuff and it took doing that and really falling in love with it that way, versus like — I used to sign up for races, not train until the month before, and just show up. And I think as you get older you stopped doing that because it hurts. Like, that’s not smart anymore.

Lois Paula: You stopped worrying about, about the details, so to say, you know.

Renezen: Yeah, and it’s just going out there. The Bay Area is such a beautiful place that there’s so many places that you can’t experience in a car or from just being near it, you actually have to run through it or walk through it and it’s it, you see so many different things you wouldn’t have experienced without it.

Lois Paula: And you said earlier you said you kind of just have to go out there and take that first step, which is beautiful because we can all use that you know that extra dose of happiness in our lives, especially with these times that we’re living in, you know we’ve all been at home mostly so it’s a perfect combination of both, you know, physical and mental support that you’re getting through it.

Nan: I think it’s awesome that you have these awesome experiences through running, and that you found a way to do what you love, that, at the same time you’re able to make a difference in your community during this pandemic. So, you know, we know that you love to run, but we also know that you like to help your community. So how did you find an opportunity to combine both?

Renezen: I think it was that around the time I started liking running a lot more than just, you know, something I had to do. You know I was already volunteering so I was looking at, I think I may have just ran into an article about an organization called Back On My Feet. What they do is — three times a week, they go out for runs and it’s volunteers and individuals who are currently homeless. And so, they go out to run at 5:45 in the morning. They run anywhere from a mile to I think five miles sometimes, depending on you know what your level is. The idea is, if you can commit to getting up three times a week to run at 5:45am — and for these individuals who are homeless, if they’re able to commit to that for a month, then they’re, they are able to kind of get additional help to kind of get them back on their feet basically. And I, you know, the whole concept behind it, because waking up at five in the morning to go for a run is tough.

Lois Paula: Right, that’s a sacrifice.

Nan: Not fun, not fun.

Renezen: And for them to show up, and I remember the first time I went out there and they were, you know, there was a group of them that they were out there and they have, you know — and you go out on a run with them and you start talking and you forget about who’s homeless and you forget about who’s a volunteer and you end up talking about like different experiences that they’ve had and you’ve had and these individuals in San Francisco, there’s such a big homeless population but these individuals. I don’t know, I think sometimes we have this idea of what a homeless person is like. But these guys were, you know, they came to San Francisco hoping to get a better job and they wanted to take care of their families. But, you know, life didn’t turn out that way for them. You know they ended up on the street, they ended up homeless, and they were, the fact that they were there that morning, you could tell that they were trying to get out of that situation. And so, you know, every three times a week you would just get to know these people. The more I ran, you get there at 5:45, and I was always late because I don’t know I’m the worst waker-upper, but like the recog— I think it’s because you’re out there and there’s a, you already have something in common, because you’re out there at the same time with these people. And you start like, building these relationships with them and you get to, you get to know a little bit more each time you go out there for a run with them. There was this one guy, I remember he, in his younger days he goes, “I used to be a big time runner.” like you know he used to compete a lot. And so, we would get to stop signs and I just need to stop. And he’s like “No, don’t stop, keep moving.” And like he’s giving me tips right and then he ends up telling me about his life and how he ended up on the street. And he’s trying really hard to get a job. The cool thing about the group is when somebody achieves something like if one of the individuals in the program they are able to find a job or they are able to even just complete a type of training, everyone celebrates. Like we started each one or we’re in a circle and we ended each run when we’re in a circle, there’s no like you finish your run and you’re done. Everybody starts and finishes together. 

Lois Paula: That’s awesome. 

Nan: That is awesome.

Lois Paula: And I like how you were talking about the fatigue that you get. But you commit, and you make that first step — and then you wake up in the morning and you forget, you know how tired you are or you forget how cold it is or whatever. 

What we’re doing today is we’re looking at the similarities we’re paralleling, you know, running, and volunteering. Just like volunteering, you make that commitment to go and you forget about everything else that sets you apart and you just, you commit and you want to do it again. It’s awesome that you have found this thing that you love.

What a lot might not know, is that for every enthusiast out there — Nan is an outdoors enthusiast, you’re really active — or if you’re into fitness or sports or cooking or art or music, dance, whatever, there are organizations out there catered to helping people to that specific hobby,

Nan: You know it’s totally true like you know all of us have different hobbies and things that we’re into. Today where we’re seeing how awesome it is that Dimple you’re able to go out there and as LP mentioned earlier, we’re paralleling your running and your marathons, to your acts of kindness. But I think even the fact that you’re having these conversations. I mean I think that in itself is such a valuable thing to have. And as far as being able to help people that you might have not normally spoken to you know like, how do you feel about that like that you have these conversations and you’re able to help in that way too?

Renezen: Oh, it’s really opened my eyes to see a different population of people that I don’t even know if I would have ran into them. But yeah, it’s not just even the ones that you’re helping when you volunteer but your fellow volunteers, you know. Going out there you get to meet so many different people who may be, you know, some of them are in the corporate world, some of them are teachers, some of them are just you know trying to do something different. Some of them are retired, and they just want to keep busy and for that moment, you guys are doing something together. And I love San Francisco and I’m thankful that I have the opportunity to go in and to take advantage of the different opportunities that are out there in the city. So it’s really eye-opening, I think, because sometimes we do kind of get really busy with, you know, work in our own personal lives that we can easily get stuck in that bubble.

Nan: Right right and you know, LP mentioned earlier that you know all of us are enthusiasts, in some way, shape or form and there’s organizations out there. So you know when it comes to volunteering, do people have to settle to just finding an organization or can they get creative with it and do something on their own?

Renezen: Oh man, you can do all, all of those things. Honestly. like one of the things that I always tell people when it comes to volunteering is, you know, you can go on a website and they can list so many different opportunities there. But the truth is, that’s just the stuff that they’re able to list out there there’s so many other ways to help an organization that isn’t listed on the website and you just have to kind of take that first step and get to know that organization. Or, you know, do things on your own — I’ve seen people who have just decided I’m just going to help people and like it’s as simple as putting together, little care packages in your car right and just, you know, having it available to hand out should the opportunity present itself, Or, if you have an hour of time or you have a couple of hours during the week, like there’s opportunities out there to volunteer and it’s cool to actually find those opportunities to participate. I think there’s so many ways people can do good now.

Lois Paula: And you don’t even have to leave your house, too, right?

Renezen: Yeah you totally don’t have to like, especially now with the pandemic right, it’s a mix. Some people are scared to go out there or like they’re not as comfortable to go out to volunteer in certain places and some organizations I’ve seen less volunteers come out for certain things. But there’s opportunities to help inside your house now. Like one of the things that I think I just recently saw is, there’s organizations that coordinate weekly phone calls with senior citizens. Because no one’s visiting them, and they can’t have any visitors because you know you don’t want to put them at risk but they can answer a phone, and you can talk to them for about half an hour, and you’ve done something for somebody else already.

Nan: That’s so cool, it’s nice to know that there are so many other opportunities out there that you know you don’t necessarily have to settle for whatever organizations are around you but you can get creative with it. 

Going back to your experiences as a runner — there’s no denying that in running you’re going to experience fatigue so we wanted to address the fatigue because in some shape or form all of us are feeling it especially in these times, even if we’re not runners. So what is it that pushes you to keep going to keep running, especially when like you mentioned earlier in the podcast, you said when your body’s starting to feel tired your muscles are hurting, when your body’s starting to tell you. No, I don’t want to run anymore. What pushes you?

Renezen: You know, I think the thing that people forget, is that it’s okay to pause and take a breath, like, you can take a few moments for yourself, to just pause a little bit, reset yourself and then keep going. I think we keep thinking we have to just keep going. And it’s true with any race right like, I think the last time I ran something, the virtual race that I ran like I hadn’t been training as much as I should have been for it, but I wanted to finish the 10K. So I basically, from the beginning I told myself, you’re gonna run as far as you can. But if you need to stop. If you need to start walking, you can, and like you have to give yourself, basically permission, that it’s okay to take a moment to walk to breathe. But the most important thing is you keep going. 

And I think it goes with even volunteering or like life in general — it’s like it’s okay to take a second to like, think about like, what you’re doing and if that’s what you need to keep going then that’s what you need to keep going. But yeah it’s the same with running like that pressure of having to keep going, or just keep running even if everything hurts. That’s basically you putting pressure on yourself. For the most part.

Lois Paula: And you know, who wrote about this in a blog, a few years ago on incgiving.org. Can you tell us about, I think it was your first marathon that you ran. There was something beautiful that you wrote about, you know you’re feeling that, that pressure, that fatigue you were feeling tired but there’s something, someone that specifically pushed you and motivated you to move forward. Can you describe that and explain that experience to us?

Renezen: Oh, so that was. I think that was 2015, and I signed up to run my first half marathon in San Francisco. As I mentioned earlier, I used to sign up for things and not train. This would be one of those and you shouldn’t ever sign up for 13 miles and not train, and like I could barely run. I think during the whole training I ran four miles was the longest I had ever ran at that point, and then I just remember showing up thinking I don’t know.

Lois Paula: You’re like “I’m gonna do it, 13 miles here we go.”

Renezen: Yeah and, and it hurt. Like, it really hurt and San Francisco is not flat like it’s all hills. But one of the coolest things about running in those races are the people that show up just to cheer people on. Some of them are are actual volunteer some people are just in the neighborhood and they just want to cheer people who are actually out there running. I saw, there are these volunteers that basically had their hand out like you know to give high fives. 

You know I’m usually the type of person who walks, you know, not very social. I went straight for those high fives, because I needed their energy like I needed something to keep me going. I didn’t want to give up on that race, but I knew I couldn’t do it on my own and I you know. People’s hands were out, I just went and like gave high hives like I don’t know who these people are, but you know they were out there for us.

And so I’ve actually gotten the opportunity to volunteer to be one of those people that give high fives and water. It’s so much fun — you see the determination in the face of all these runners, you know, I think that is the fastest volunteer opportunity that you can have, a high-fiver. Just giving high fives, but it makes such a big difference to the individuals that are on the receiving end.

Nan: It’s so awesome to see because you know with your running with the different volunteer opportunities that you’ve participated in, and especially with us talking about marathon running — energy and persistence, are the common denominators, in you making a difference right. So you mentioned, even if you have to take a break, the key is just like not stopping right? So if you do have energy and persistence, it’s pretty clear that you can keep this as an ongoing thing, whether it be volunteering or or running a marathon. And I think it’s really cool that you’re really showing people that you can do that through persistence and energy.

Lois Paula: Yeah and you said this earlier too , Dimple — how important those people were, that high five, like it’s so beautiful I can just feel it I can feel like the moments that, you know … We need that, we need people, we need motivation, we are inspired by one another. 

So even in volunteering, you know when we see people post it on social media how easy it was to you know go out there, or whether we share it you know we invite our friends to volunteer with us — that’s us, sharing that natural, you know, like how you said the runner’s high. This is the volunteer high if you will or you know that the natural happiness that we get from doing good, we get that from each other when we share that with each other and when we invite each other to do it.

So for all of our listeners out there, when you do go out, let us know! We want to be inspired by you, we want to get that extra push from you so that we can help you know, keep this energy up like Dimple has been mentioning and, you know, kind of not get tired of doing good, we can keep going.

[Music Transition]

Lois Paula: Well, we asked you, our listeners, our Kindness Ambassadors to chime in as well about how Kindness Moves you. So for this episode. Here’s what Natalie Fitzpatrick, from Surrey British Columbia, Canada had to say about a common challenge of volunteering and how the INC Giving Project can help. 

Natalie Fitzpatrick: One of the challenges, I think, in trying to volunteer is that sometimes you don’t know where the opportunities are or where your help is needed the most. But through the INC Giving Show, several examples have been given because of different projects that come about, different suggestions or recommendations that I made. Being able to donate to a food bank, being able to donate clothing or blankets during the winter time, appreciating the community, being able to offer different services like washing people’s cars for free or being able to give somebody a haircut who might not be able to afford one all the time, different examples like that. And to be able to give in those ways has inspired more creative ideas from people every day to offer their services or use their talents towards good. 

I think especially for the younger generation who may not be exposed to ideas like that all the time, this is a good opportunity to get them started young, to see that you know giving back, definitely does pave the way for a brighter future. Because we’re not just helping other people feel good about themselves, we’re helping them realize that there is kindness still in the world, that there is still a community. Hence, the Church Of Christ, or people in the Church Of Christ who are here to give back, who want to help willingly and want to share their heart and soul, by doing these good things in our communities that we live in, and appreciate.

[Music Transition]

Nan: So, Dimple we just want to say thank you so much for sharing how Kindness Moves you for those that might have missed it, we said Renezen in the beginning but it is Dimple Benedicto on the show today, and she has shown us, you know how she’s taking it one step at a time, in her acts of kindness and even in the way that she is doing her acts of kindness through marathons and participating in these runs, in addition to the other awesome things that she’s done with helping people. 

So, before we go though, you’ve seen the INC Giving Project grow from the very start, can you share maybe a favorite it giving moment, or an event or an experience that you had at one of the events?

Renezen: Oh man, I always have a hard time with this question. 

Lois Paula: Right!?

Renezen: There are so many, like, you know, I am always moved when I get to see–I love seeing actually the smaller activities like when you see a couple of, especially smaller groups of volunteers go out there and volunteer together. But one of the events that really sticks out with me is actually a big event. It was in the Dominican Republic and LP was there, but it was a small group of volunteers compared to the number of people they were able to help, and we were able to go out there and not only meet them and shoot their stories, but we actually got to pack bags for the first time, and meet individuals who, in the community in La Romana who were going to be on the receiving end of these packages that we were preparing. It just for me, because we were such a small group of volunteers compared to how many that were there to help, it really showed just how much even the smallest of groups can do to help others. And that experience continues to stick with me even today and every other, you know, assignment that we’ve gotten on the media side and every other opportunity we’ve gotten to do for INC Giving, that experience has really, really does stick out for me as, you know, something that I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.

Lois Paula: I’m gonna get emotional, that’s my, that’s also at the top of my list of favorite moments Dimple.

Renezen: Yeah, you know, me and Jan still talk about it and we’re like, it was the end of the month and that’s usually when we had an episode due, and we were like, not sleeping okay so we’re like sleeping at two or three in the morning. And then we had to go on this assignment and we’re like “Man we are so tired.” And like we had to like, wash clothes last moment. And like just pack whatever we could find. And it was hot, but we came back it such a… 

Lois Paula: It was so hot there.

Renezen: Yeah, like you forget, you forget how tired you were, or are at that point. You forget like how, like the weather is different and you’re in a different time zone you just forget all about that because you get to be right in front of the pieces that you’re actually going to be helping and the people that you were volunteering with.

Lois Paula: And that was it. It was really like literally we had no you know idea of what the plans were we were kind of just there to take part and to help where we could, you know, at one of the events, we turned the corner, and they were running after us because they had made this connection with us and they just the faces of the children, it was just such a.. 

Renezen: Oh yeah, the kids that would show up every single day that we were there.

Lois Paula: And there were some from the neighborhood. You know that they wanted to just help pack bags and distribute bags with us, not even being members of the Church Of Christ or INC Giving volunteers. And there was a language barrier. We spoke English, you know, I had to dust off my Spanish and, you know, it was, it was interesting to say the least. But to know that we were able to just communicate that and all together feel the power of you know really acts of kindness even without speaking a word or not understanding each other, that’s so beautiful, so That’s a good moment. 

And so Dimple also before you go, you know you’ve been giving us such great advice — how to stay persistent, how to take it one step at a time, and stay energized and know if you had to share, you know, a final parting piece of advice for us and our listeners, maybe something you were given or words that pushed you forward all these years, either you know and keeping kindness contagious or feeling good no matter what, what would that be?

Renezen: That one’s hard. Honestly, it’s really just, just give it a try. Like, there’s so many things that we can do. And the, really the only thing, and I don’t know if it’s, you know, for me, I get really nervous when going into a new situation or meeting new people and it never really goes away. Even like if I volunteered at a place I still get nervous, walking into the place. 

But I have never regretted trying. Like, you just have to, you see an opportunity that you like, or that you, you think you might enjoy, and you know you just, you want to try it, even a little bit just sign up for it. I think it’s just getting out the door, that, that kind of basically stops us, but you know I am thankful that I have not allowed my fear of people, you know. I think I would have regretted– if you go back to that first time running at 5:45 in the morning … I am nervous, up until I get out of the car and join the circle. Like I am nervous because I’m like “Oh no what am I gonna say I’m so nervous, I don’t know these people,” and like, you know, it’s dark I can’t see anything. 

But, I never walked away regretting it and that’s what every opportunity I’ve gotten to sign up for that with, you know, every project that we’ve gotten to do for INC Giving like I have never walked away regretting participating. And I think, knowing that, that kind of helps me get over that hump of like, Oh, I’m nervous, all of that stuff. And for somebody who’s out there who’s thinking about volunteering or thinking about something that they want to try but aren’t sure if they’ll be good at it, don’t know anybody, they’ll feel different– just give it a try. Honestly, if you don’t like it, or you realize, Oh, this isn’t for me. Then find another opportunity but you won’t know until you give it a try. 

Lois Paula: Absolutely.

Nan: Awesome. 

Lois Paula: So beautiful. Thank you so much, Dimple, for your advice and for joining us and for helping motivate us to take it one step at a time and to just, you know, not think about the details and to just give it a try.

Nan: Yeah, thank you so much for joining us and I think, for our listeners I mean Dimple already mentioned it like to never give up and I think if you’re listening to this podcast or you’re thinking about volunteering, you have already started that move forward in helping someone. So you shouldn’t give up, like what Dimple said don’t give up just try it. Don’t let ourselves be, you know, the limiting factor. So thank you so much Dimple for, for sharing all that with us.

Renezen: Thanks for having me.

Lois Paula: Dimple has written a few blogs as well on incgiving.org as well with her experiences and her volunteering opportunities, and even advice on you know virtual volunteering throughout this time. So if you are interested in learning more, you can visit incgiving.org.

Nan: All right, so our listeners thank you again for joining us. Let’s stay tuned for discussions on how kindness heals, how doing good is not only healthy for the heart and the mind, but also for the soul. We’ll also learn some daily steps to move towards more positive thinking and in turn doing.

Lois Paula: Thank you so much for tuning in. I’m Lois Paula.

Nan: And I’m Nan. For more tips and ideas on how you can make kindness contagious, please visit incgiving.org.

Lois Paula: And you can add us to your playlist of favorites or download more episodes of Kindness Moves the podcast brought to you by the INC Giving Project, on Google podcasts, I Heart Radio and Apple podcasts. Remember, act now. Make your move to do good, because kindness matters. It’s meaningful, it motivates — kindness moves.

[show close]