This article is by Lee Soo-jung and read by an artificial voice.
Nia Cho, a Korean barista and YouTuber based in London who likes to chat with customers, noticed a glaring difference in how Westerners and Koreans respond to a question: "How are you?"
"While working at cafes in London, I casually engaged in small talk with about 80 percent of customers," Cho told the Korea JoongAng Daily.
"In London, asking 'How are you?' worked like a magical conversation starter. In Korea, however, when customers were asked the same question, they replied, 'Pardon me?'"
Her viewers and subscribers — posting predominantly in Korean in the comments — found her interactions new and refreshing. Some wrote that they felt the need to "learn how to make small talk and practice before going abroad."
Casual chatting with strangers seems to be a common challenge among Koreans. In Korean society, at large, small talk is absent.
When ordering at cafes and restaurants or checking out in stores, only the necessary questions and answers are tossed back and forth between customers and clerks. Once you place your order and pay the price, interactions end.
In elevators, on park benches or on the street, people largely refrain from exchanging greetings. Even if they make eye contact, they often pretend not to have seen each other and walk past one another — as if it were an unspoken norm.
This does not, however, necessarily mean that Koreans are not talkative or callously apathetic toward others.
If not antisocial, then why do Koreans avoid small talk with strangers?
Silence speaks for itself
Noh Hee-young, a hairdresser with 25 years of experience, still gets hesitant when welcoming customers, especially new clients she has never met.
In the blink of an eye, she scans whether a customer is communicative, which she described as the most stressful part of her job. Quite often, she strategically remains silent.
"Some customers keep their eyes closed throughout the service from the moment they sit in the salon chair," Noh said. "In these situations, I do not ask questions or initiate conversation."
Noh also interprets her clients' short or barely audible replies to her small talk attempts as indirect signals that they prefer silence.
Koreans' implicit tendency to avoid small talk can be seen as a mindful gesture to respect others' boundaries and err on the side of caution to avoid unintentional disrespect, said communication expert Lim Chul-woong.
"It is slightly different from the Western concept of 'personal space,'" Lim said.
"In the Korean language, maintaining silence or holding back are not meaningless or void actions. They convey thoughtfulness and discretion. Thus, not starting a conversation does not necessarily equate to indifference. It can rather be seen as a gesture meant to prevent a situation causing discomfort to strangers and their counterparts."
In this context, the ability to read the room through unspoken cues — known as nunchi in Korean — matters.
Kim Sang-kyun, a cognitive scientist and professor at Kyung Hee University's Graduate School of Business, said Koreans attune themselves to settings and others' moods through implicit clues.
"While Westerners assess the personalities of strangers or those nearby through small talk, Koreans just gauge them through nunchi in silence," Kim said, noting that communication in Western culture is more centered on explicit statements.
What makes Koreans remain silent
Communication experts pointed out that skipping small talk is more than just a Korean way of respecting privacy, but is the combined result of a binary way of thinking about questions and scenarios, along with a hierarchical social stratum.
Prof. Kim attributed the lack of small talk to Koreans' belief that "everything has a single correct answer."
"Small talk is supposed to be about minor, casual topics," Kim said. "However, Koreans cannot constantly get away from thinking about what the most appropriate topic would be. This seals their ...