Lance's Miscellaneous Items & Things

In the dark of night, there’s a mysterious arrival… and there’s more going on than she lets on. Leelah goes from being freaked out, to confused, to in awe, to much more confused, and Periwinkle does not like being woken up. Plus, “picking locks,” the direction we’ll be taking, the only cool thing that came out of magic, and the difference between a lunar and a solar eclipse! What with the Divinity, the Chosen, and the Pinnacle, who knows what the future has in store?

The Monsoon has finally arrived! Despite the darkness and dreariness of the unrelenting rain, a very positive person comes to the shop! Leelah lists everything wrong with the universe, Zaiden jinxes the lack of customers, and Periwinkle guesses the riddle! Plus, a swishy magic bubble thing, clairvoyance, explanations for cheerfulness, a never-ending game, and the full rage of Periwinkle! With Leelah’s cynical attitude, this is a match made in hell!

CW: Alcoholism/addiction and mentions of child abandonment

Vincent was found, and the recording wasn’t meant to last long, but an interesting guest comes to the store tonight… willing and ready to throw a party! A figure from Periwinkle’s past reappears on a troubling day for her. Leelah’s name ISN’T Lilly Lozenge, Zaiden is a buzzkill, and Periwinkle can’t even leave the two of them alone for half an hour. Plus, applying logic, “ever than better,” streamers, cliffhangers, and a glowing, rainbow jackalope! Watch out, because no one can make as much of a mess in a limited amount of time like today’s customer!

Strap in, because today we meet the one, the only, ESMÉ GELLER! Universally-renowned author of “A Universal Guide To The Universe,” today’s customer brings a new and insightful lens to the shop! Leelah DOESN’T slap her friends, Zaiden is in agony over a fictional character, and Periwinkle does the sign-off! Plus, a 7-hour ranting session, ACTUAL banshees, starfire-melded metal scraps that can withstand lightspeed leaping, being smart about smart things, and a stunned jackalope! When philosophy meets astronomy, what could possibly go wrong? 

CW: Mentions of death and drowning

Get out your pipe, trench coat, and magnifying glass, for a mystery has graced the shop today! Two siblings come with lots of riddles, but that’s not the only thing that’s puzzling. Despite the tragedy in their past, their minds are as sharp as ever. Leelah battles complete loss of sanity, Zaiden loses a tough bet, and Periwinkle rightfully realizes that everyone desperately needs to get a life. Plus, finishing each other’s sentences, a good conspiracy, and the little technicalities. The unknown waits for no one!

Today, on Lance's Miscellaneous Items & Things, someone new enters the shop! She is a strong warrior, artist, and friend, and more in touch with her emotions than most people will ever be. Leelah speaks words of wisdom, Zaiden points out the flaws in branding on the Isle of Illusions, and Periwinkle points out our protagonist's abnormal sense of cheerfulness. Plus, the lead loser, the word “inquisitive,” even more alliteration, and, of course, a jackalope. We'll see you in the near future for a new episode!

Our guest hero today has accomplished many feats, from saving a rude family of jackalopes from drowning to helping start an organization to make sure no one goes hungry! His knowledge knows no boundaries, and he’s well versed in a variety of topics, no matter if it’s Technological Enhancements and Other Myths, a strange, ominous, gear-like object that won’t stop spinning, or assortments of parchment! He battles the darkness of stereotypes and convinces our pessimistic protagonist that there is actually hope for the Isle of Illusions! Who is this mystery idol, you ask? You’ll have to listen to find out!

Welcome to Lance’s Miscellaneous Items & Things, your friendly, run-of-the-mill, family-owned shop on the Isle of Illusions! Please be careful with the crystal balls, all magic carpets are 30% off, and don’t mind the jackalope head on the wall! Free sarcasm with every purchase, and all riddles are on the house. Be sure to look out for destiny birthmarks, a random audio-recorder device thingy, exasperated sighs, tragic summer romances, the pointiest vampire tooth collection, and, of course, toothbrushes. Have a nice day, and do come back soon!

Follow the story of Leelah Lance when she gets stuck spending her summer taking care of her dads' shop. She meets all kinds of beings that go against the stereotypes, as such on Isle Of Illusions (which is in the Waters Of Wrath, which is part of the Constellation Collective, and yes, the demon who made the universe LOVES alliteration) where everything is backwards. Watch out for psychic neighbors, plenty of jackalopes, a huge obsession with the actual Devil, and more! Full of snark and sarcasm, this magical comedy is sure to keep you guessing! Episodes release biweekly on Sundays.