Larry Miller -- tool maker, stacker of wheat -- opens with a tribute to actor Warren Stevens, then segues into memories of Ricardo Montalban and The Naked Gun. Then he talks about how he's not a hero with hot food, yet he does manage to rescue some hot wings from peril.Is this episode better than pork? You make the call!Quote of the week: "I'm usually unabashed."

Larry takes Jerry Seinfeld and George Wallace to help him pick out a a brand new 1989 Mercury Colony Park wagon back in, well, 1989 obviously. Porsche? Nah. Camaro? Feh. The Colony Park winds up being his chick magnet! Also, Larry talks about his wardrobe, including his 30-year-old pants and why there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Don't judge, you! And find out the the best place for clam chowder. Is it Boston? Is it San Francisco? Is it in your shirt pocket?And Larry returns from the road to find his house in an odd state. Yes, of course he finds it in the state of California, smart guy. But he more specifically finds it in a state of disarray! This tale is replete with intrigue! Sabotage! Hampers! Newspapers!Has Larry laughed in the face of the soap gods once again by pushing the bounds of how many bars of soap can be melded together? Or has he learned his lesson and stuck with four bars? Act surprised when you hear the answer, OK?Will the show lose its edge if it starts making a million dollars? We say no, but we sure would like the chance to find out.Remember, you can't say hiLARIous Without Larry and you don't have to be a Rockefeller to help a fella.Quote of the week: "Talk about old fashioned. She's just a lunatic."

Larry talks about spending an involuntary vacation in the snow. Plus, we hear about his search for really good beef jerky, really good pistachios and really good martini olives.Then Larry welcomes the new year, but not for too long. That's enough. And Larry teases us with the possible existence of an eightfecta, possibly to be known colloquially as the octafecta?We also have a long overdue and very serious hamper update. And a joke of the week? And a safety razor update? That's our update update. Quote of the week: "What are you gonna do on the 4th? Read the Declaration of Independence?"

Larry does an unplanned 20 minute tutorial on making martinis, then apologizes for his previous apologies. This is the first time a drink recipe has included the expressions, "Show it who's boss," "Big triple to the power alley" and "Beat it around the fleet."As always, all stories are guaranteed true and stirred, not shaken. Quote of the week: "Fellas, you look lonely. Would you like to meet someone who's just like you?"

Three kinds of people walk in LA. And courtesy of a dead car battery, Larry becomes one of them and fails to conquer time. Then Larry tells of his longing for McClure's pickles and of hinge abuses around his house during possibly his most rambunctious hamper update ever.A John Carradine AND a David Carradine reference in one episode? Plus Larry gets the website address right for 3 weeks in a row? Plus, this is our longest episode ever by 46 whole seconds! You're welcome! (This IS a half-hour show, you know.) Pinch yourself. You may be dreaming.Quote of the week: "It's just as good as the pickle story."

Larry talks about his trip to Dallas, continuing his tradition of plugging shows once they are already past. Then Larry visits "Camp Shakeitoff," a lovely place where we won't be talking about feelings and there will be no therapists on speed dial.Also, we hear about possums and their habit of playing, well, you know, possum. Plus, two new segments! And of course, that means two new wacky sound effects.As always, all stories are guaranteed true, Pluto is a planet and don't rat to Larry's wife, you. Quote of the week: "Thank God it was a paperback."

Spit buckets and broken legs are afoot in this week's episode as Larry talks about some of his favorite show business superstitions and traditions. Who has better taste in Clairol Girls, Larry or his son? YOU make the call! The good news is that Dr. Laxamana has returned to work, more gruntled than ever! Remember, all stories guaranteed true and Homer is Homer! And this week's guest star is Larry Miller.Quote of the week: "It was the Earl of Oxford who worked in the box factory."

Larry hopes you screwed up Valentine’s Day. Hear why he thinks it’s a good idea to flub this holiday or at least phone it in. See you at the all-night jewelry store!On what seems to be a related matter but is not, Larry once again professes his love of being wrong. Then we hear about a drinker he met on a plane that put him to shame. This, plus a joke, two updates and about 14 topics we never got to on this week’s This Week With Larry Miller!Quote of the week: “Get a load of you. Get a load of you.”

Larry is smitten with Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Scarlett Johansson. Will his love be requited, even though the top of his head is missing?Larry talks about how hard modeling is. Don't hate him because he's beautiful. Then we hear about a woman who wouldn't believe that Larry was Larry and why you shouldn't bother starting a diet until after the Super Bowl.And we have a new update, the update update. Is this the update to end all updates? Or is it no update at all? (A gong rings in the distance.)That's it? You're done reading the episode description? Doesn't surprise me. You've done nothing but complain since you got here.Quote of the week: "This way, no one knows you're bald."

Larry tells how to hide 20 bottles of Jameson's behind a quart of milk and a sheepish grin. Then we hear about how in marriage math, one hour can equal TWO POINT EIGHT HOURS!Also, in this incredibly historic episode, we launch the Larry Miller Drinking Society Museum of Glad Tidings and the Larry Miller Drinking Society's Million Martini March! Some day, you'll tell your Grandkids where you were when you heard about this. We also get a visit from the joke of the week!Quote of the week: "There are weddings in Dublin that don't have that much Jameson's."