This week, daytime TV's Judge Mathis talks up his game about prison rape, EA makes a cartoon about their video game about an epic poem when they're not sending illegal weapons through interstate mail, and Pakistan wants our video game killers for their own. This must be true because nobody could make this up.

This week features amazing depress releases for games about Guantanamo Bay, European commercial truck driving, and official league virtual darts (hint: only one of these games isn't about torture). Also, Microsoft doesn't appear to know what to do with gays, and the virtual war expands further into Pakistan.

This week - Topps hits us with virtual 3D baseball cards, but no word on whether the chalky stick of bubble gum will made the digital leap as well. Plus racism in Resident Evil, video gamer drone killers in Afghanistan, and beating Chuck E. Cheese about the face.

Okay - we're back. However, the internet is still broken, so please search harder for us. It will be worth it, because here you will find the very worst stories from the last four weeks, including tales of virtual rape, virtual bank errors, and virtual sports stars selling real gaming shaving utensils. No really!

This week - Islam-loving babies, Russian Playstation spies, SimAfghanistan, Thailand royalty poop games, and American child soldiers. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention marketing to 2-year-olds and "urban youths" with fried chicken using video games. Get a high score in moral outrage!

This week on the show, the Army tries to virtually replace your dead soldier parents while simultaneously recruiting you at the mall with video games. Plus a massively multiplayer online buck hunting game, and maybe, just maybe, hope and change.

This week - become a virtual deputy and get real people really arrested, all in the comfort of your bathrobe. Also, Iran is rated M for Making Stuff Up, Sony gets the gay out, and the sexes battle it out while jousting on some Bratz Ponyz.

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