A few days ago, a colleague recommended I connect with Chris Barez-Brown.

I listened to one of his talks on resilience — and a lightbulb went on.

For the past 10 years, I’ve worked closely with leaders — many of whom attended boarding school. Over time, I’ve noticed a consistent pattern:

Dissociation.

Rather than feeling what’s happening in the body, many retreat into their heads. Emotions are shut down. Sensations ignored. Connection severed.

This is one of the key issues we work on because if we are dissociated we don’t lead very well. 

• Dissociation means a lack of emotional intelligence so we struggle to empathise with those we lead. 
• Our communication is poor because it lacks vulnerability and honesty
• People model our actions - if we are pushing through burnout - they will follow.

That’s when the penny dropped.

Because I realised — many organisations are teaching this.

They’re calling it resilience, but it’s not.

What’s often sold as “resilience” is actually:

• Numbing your emotions
  
  
  
• Pushing through exhaustion
  
  
  
• Tolerating dysfunction
  
  
  
• Ignoring your burnout
  
  
  

This isn’t strength. It’s dissociation.

Real resilience, according to leading researchers, looks very different:

• Acknowledging stress — and honouring it
  
  
  
• Feeling your emotions — without being overwhelmed
  
  
  
• Rest — knowing when and how to recover
  
  
  
• Community — staying connected to yourself and others
  
  
  
• Psychological safety — feeling free to be you, not just a performer
  
  
  

If we don’t shift how we define resilience, the consequences are clear:

• More burnout
  
  
  
• Employees feeling broken for not being able to “push through”
  
  
  
• Cultures where emotion is pathologised rather than held
  
  
  
• A leadership style rooted in blame, not responsibility
  
  
  

It’s time to reframe resilience — not as stoicism, but as compassion in action.

Because when leaders model true resilience, workplaces heal.
 And when workplaces heal, people thrive.

#LeadershipDevelopment #WorkplaceWellbeing #EmotionalIntelligence #ResilientLeadership #CorporateCulture #PsychologicalSafety #AuthenticLeadership #BurnoutRecovery #CompassionateLeadership #TheCompassionateExecutive

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/