Why do so many former boarders struggle with perfectionism, overworking and the feeling that they are never quite good enough?

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross explores the link between boarding school syndrome, perfectionism, the inner critic and burnout.

At boarding school, mistakes can carry a social cost. Vulnerability may be hidden, everyone else can appear to have it “sorted”, and achievement becomes a way of proving our worth. Underneath can sit a much deeper belief:

“I’m not good enough.”

Piers explores:

•  Why boarding school can encourage perfectionism 
•  The fear of mistakes, failure and vulnerability 
•  Fixed mindset versus growth mindset 
•  The link between perfectionism and the brutal inner critic 
•  How perfectionism can create burnout and an inability to switch off 
•  Why control can become a childhood survival strategy 
•  Learning to replace impossible standards with “I’m good enough”
•  Using calm, mindfulness and self-compassion to change the pattern 

Drawing on Pete Walker’s Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving and Emma Seppälä’s The Happiness Track, Piers offers practical ways to begin loosening perfectionism.  

🌐 Find out more about Piers Cross:
 https://piers-cross.com

#BoardingSchoolSyndrome #Perfectionism #Burnout

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What can the first day at boarding school feel like for a child?

Following Prince George’s arrival at Eton College, Piers Cross reflects on his own first days at boarding school and the psychology of leaving home for a large residential institution.

Drawing on the work of Nick Duffell and Joy Schaverien, Piers explores the “threshold moment” when a child begins to understand emotionally—not merely intellectually—that their parents have gone and they must now adapt to a new environment. 

The conversation explores homesickness, emotional suppression, dissociation, busyness, workaholism, attachment and the potential implications for later relationships and leadership. Piers also considers what Bear Grylls and David Cameron have written about their own experiences of arriving at Eton. 

This episode does not claim to know Prince George’s private emotional experience. Instead, it uses this moment to ask a wider question about boarding school, separation and emotional development.

Content note: Includes brief discussion of suicide and childhood loss.

 Here is the article I talk about: https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/thames-valley-police-eton-college-unexplained-incident-b1272963.html 

Find out more:
 https://piers-cross.com

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What happens when reaching the top still isn’t enough?

In Episode 171 of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross speaks with Julian Reeve, international keynote speaker, author and creator of the Perfect Equilibrium methodology.

Julian worked across the West End and Broadway before joining the team behind Hamilton. In 2017, while Music Director of the show’s first US national tour, he suffered a stress-related heart attack at 43. A subsequent repetitive strain injury eventually ended his performing career. 

That experience forced Julian to reconsider the relationship between achievement, perfectionism, identity and self-worth.

Piers and Julian explore why high achievers can become trapped in the belief that productivity equals value, the six organisational drivers of burnout, how leaders create cultures of either pressure or psychological safety, and why emotional intelligence, creativity and judgement will become increasingly important in the age of AI. 

They also discuss perfectionism as a survival strategy, the importance of play and permission in creative teams, and how individuals can begin identifying whether their burnout is being driven by personal patterns, organisational systems—or both. 

A rich conversation about burnout, identity, leadership, creativity and redefining what success really means.

 🌐 Find out more about Julian Reeve: https://www.julianreeve.com/ 

Find Piers:
 https://piers-cross.com

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why are so many former boarders relentlessly hard on themselves?

In this short episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross explores the brutal inner critic that can develop through boarding school and childhood trauma.

Piers reflects on how being humiliated for showing emotion led him to begin attacking himself internally before other people could do it. What originally helped create protection and control eventually became an inner bully. 

Drawing on his own experience and the work of writers including Pete Walker and Nick Duffell, Piers explores perfectionism, emotional flashbacks, self-parenting, thought correction and learning to replace hostile self-talk with a kinder, more supportive internal voice. 

He also reflects on the importance of grief and embodied emotional release, and how learning to feel again helped transform his own relationship with self-criticism. 

A reflection on boarding school syndrome, trauma, perfectionism, self-compassion and developing a benevolent inner voice.

Content note: Includes discussion of past self-harm.

Find out more:
 https://piers-cross.com

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What if difficult behaviour is not something to control—but something to understand?

In Episode 170 of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross speaks with Geoff Owen, founder of Biologically Aligned Parenting and author of The Parenting Assumption.

Geoff argues that children are born with innate needs for safety, certainty, connection and regulation. When those needs are not sufficiently met, behaviours we label as defiant, aggressive, withdrawn or difficult may emerge as adaptations.

Rather than immediately asking, “How do I stop this behaviour?”, Jeff encourages parents to ask:

“What is this behaviour telling me?”

Piers and Geoff explore parental stress, nervous-system regulation, punishment and rewards, high-performing parents bringing workplace management strategies home, learning through observation, attachment, boarding school and the fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses children may develop.

They also discuss a different vision of parenting: creating an environment in which children feel trusted, capable and secure enough to develop naturally.

A thought-provoking conversation about parenting, attachment, emotional intelligence and our assumptions about children.

Find Geoff:
https://geoffreyowen.com/

Find Piers:
 https://piers-cross.com

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why can the end of summer bring unexpected anxiety, sadness or unease for former boarders?

In this short episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross explores how late August and early September can unconsciously reconnect ex-boarders with the repeated childhood experience of leaving home and returning to boarding school.

After weeks at home, children often had to prepare themselves to separate from family and “harden up” again for another term away. Decades later, seasonal changes, returning from holiday or going back to work can still activate those old emotional patterns.

Piers shares a simple invitation: rather than immediately reacting, fixing or distracting yourself, pause and notice what is happening in your body.

There may be anxiety, anger or grief underneath the surface.

The work, he suggests, is not to judge those feelings but to parent ourselves with kindness, steadiness and compassion.

A short reflection on boarding school syndrome, transitions, nervous system regulation, grief and self-parenting.

Find out more:
 https://piers-cross.com

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What is the story beneath addictive behaviour?

In Episode 169 of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross speaks with commercial fisherwoman, health coach, speaker and alcohol-free living advocate Colleen Clifford.

Colleen spent more than three decades working in Alaska’s commercial fishing industry. Months at sea without alcohol made it easier for her to believe that her binge drinking was under control—even when episodes of drinking continued to create consequences in her life. 

She also shares the devastating loss of her husband by suicide and the long process of grief, depression and healing that followed.

Their conversation moves beyond alcohol itself to explore the beliefs and wounds underneath destructive behaviour.

While writing her memoir, Colleen recognised that a traumatic experience at nineteen had left her carrying an unconscious belief that she was unlovable. She began to see how that story had influenced relationships, risk-taking, drinking and the fiercely independent persona she developed. 

Piers and Colleen discuss trauma, emotional avoidance, shame, asking for help, hyper-independence and the parallels between institutional environments such as ships and boarding schools.

They also explore Colleen’s 95/5 trap: when a behaviour appears manageable 95% of the time, it can be easy to dismiss the 5% in which things become chaotic or dangerous. 

Colleen finishes with practical suggestions for anyone questioning their relationship with alcohol: take an honest inventory, identify your personal reason for change, find support and avoid becoming paralysed by the idea that you must make a decision “forever.” 

A compassionate conversation about binge drinking, addiction, grief, suicide loss, trauma, shame and discovering the story beneath the behaviour.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of suicide, alcohol misuse and traumatic loss.

For UK listeners who need someone to talk to, Samaritans can be reached free on 116 123.

Find Colleen:
 https://lifebeyondthebinge.com

Find Piers:
 https://piers-cross.com

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why would someone who had an unhappy or frightening experience at boarding school go on to send their own children there?

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross explores the psychology of intergenerational repetition and boarding school.

Drawing on his own experience and material from Trauma, Abandonment & Privilege, James Blunt, Bear Grylls and Tina Brown, Piers examines the contradictions that can appear in former boarders’ stories: people may describe fear, bullying, loneliness or unhappiness and yet still conclude that boarding school “did them no harm.” 

He explores several possible explanations, including denial, dissociation, class and family expectations, pressure to provide children with a supposedly superior education, and the difficulty of parenting children beyond the age at which you yourself were sent away. 

Piers also considers the Jungian idea that what remains unconscious can become fate: unresolved childhood experiences may be repeated until they are recognised, accepted and changed. 

A reflective episode about boarding school syndrome, intergenerational trauma, dissociation, parenting, emotional awareness and breaking inherited patterns.

Find out more:
 https://piers-cross.com

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Can attention be trained like a muscle—and can technology help us recover the focus that technology itself is eroding?

In Episode 168 of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross speaks with George Molakal, CEO and co-founder of MindSpring Innovation, and Brian Throckmorton, co-founder and board member.

Their work began with personal experience. Both had watched their children struggle with focus, schoolwork and sustained attention. This led them to explore whether there could be another route alongside medication and conventional therapy.

George and Brian discuss the different forms of attention, neuroplasticity, multitasking, cognitive overload, smartphones, social media and the growing challenge of digital distraction.

They also explain how MindSpring combines cognitive games, individual assessments, AI-supported coaching, parental guidance and human oversight to help children and adults strengthen attention and self-regulation.

Piers explores the relationship between attention difficulties, ADHD and childhood trauma, while the guests clarify where their own research and experience do—and do not—extend.

The conversation also examines phone-free schools, stigma around therapy, workplace distraction and why strong attention is essential for leaders, doctors, educators, drivers and other professionals working under pressure.

The episode concludes with practical suggestions for parents, including removing distractions, breaking overwhelming tasks into smaller steps and helping children practise sustained observation.

A hopeful and thought-provoking conversation about reclaiming one of our most important human capacities.

Free resources for parents

Download the Free Parent Playbooks—no signup and no cost:

https://attentivekids.com/playbooks

Listeners of An Evolving Man Podcast can use the code PIERS50 at:

https://www.attentivekids.com

The programme is designed for children aged 4–14.

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why can transitions feel disproportionately difficult for former boarders?

In this short episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, Piers Cross reflects on his own nervousness before leaving for a workshop and retreat—and explores how apparently ordinary transitions can activate much older emotional patterns.

Drawing on the work of Nick Duffell and Thurstine Basset in Trauma, Abandonment & Privilege, Piers considers how leaving home repeatedly as a child can make later transitions—holidays, travel, moving, ending therapy or beginning something new—feel unexpectedly uncomfortable.

He shares a simple somatic practice: pause, notice where the nervousness is held in the body, breathe and allow yourself to feel what is happening rather than letting fear become the hidden engine behind constant activity.

Piers also explores another possibility: rather than labelling the sensation as anxiety, experiment with saying:

“I’m excited.”

For former boarders who learned not to become too emotionally “up” or too “down”, rediscovering excitement may itself be part of the healing process.

A short reflection on boarding school syndrome, transitions, anxiety, nervous system regulation, somatic awareness and learning to experience change differently.

Find out more about Piers Cross:
 https://piers-cross.com

🎧 Subscribe to An Evolving Man Podcast for conversations about boarding school syndrome, trauma, emotional intelligence, healing, relationships and human potential.

#BoardingSchoolSyndrome #BoardingSchool #TraumaHealing

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/