An Evolving Man Podcast

Why do the same people keep triggering us?

Why do certain relationships, colleagues, family members or situations seem to provoke the same reaction again and again?

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore emotional triggers from the perspective of leadership, Jungian psychology, boarding school trauma, nervous system regulation and personal sovereignty.

This is an important subject for anyone in leadership, coaching, relationships, parenting or personal development because the people who trigger us often reveal something important about ourselves.

Drawing on Carl Jung’s insight that “when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate,” I explore how projection works, why we give our power away, and how we can begin to bring that energy back into the body.

We explore:

• Why the same people keep triggering us
 • Jung, shadow work and projection
 • Why triggers are often somatic before they are intellectual
 • How boarding school and childhood trauma can create hypervigilance
 • The inner critic and outer critic
 • Why anger in others may reveal hidden anger in ourselves
 • How to reclaim projections and take back your energy
 • Why boundaries are essential for emotional maturity
 • How to practise saying no without aggression or people-pleasing
 • EFT, Havening and body-based regulation tools
 • Why triggers are part of leadership development
 • How compassionate leadership begins with self-awareness

I also share details of our upcoming free Compassionate Leaders Global workshop:

Why Do the Same People Keep Triggering Me?
30th July, 6:30pm to 7:45pm UK time
Book here:
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1992503357178?aff=oddtdtcreator

I also mention the upcoming Compassionate Leader Pathway, a three-month programme beginning in September for people who want to develop a more emotionally intelligent, heart-centred and compassionate way of leading.

Find out more here:
 https://compassionateleadersglobal.com/the-compassionate-leader-pathway-course/

#CompassionateLeadership #EmotionalIntelligence #LeadershipDevelopment #ShadowWork #JungianPsychology #NervousSystemRegulation #Boundaries #AnEvolvingManPodcast

00:00 Introduction: Why do the same people keep triggering me?
 00:43 Why this matters in leadership, family and relationships
 01:35 We are all leaders in some form
 02:20 Carl Jung, projection and unconscious patterns
 03:33 What triggers reveal about our shadow
 04:40 Anger, the inner critic and self-attack
 05:45 Reclaiming projections and taking your power back
 06:55 Hypervigilance, the outer critic and childhood survival
 08:05 Havening, EFT and calming the nervous system
 09:00 Boundaries and why the same people keep crossing them
 10:05 Practising yes, no and embodied sovereignty
 11:05 Feeling triggers in the body
 11:55 Upcoming free workshop on emotional triggers
 12:35 The Compassionate Leader Pathway
 13:05 Final reflections and invitation to comment

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this deeply moving episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I speak with Masha Castner and David Moss, founders and directors of Kind Waves.

Kind Waves is a UK charity created to help schools build deeper cultures of kindness, emotional safety and positive relationships. The charity was born from the heartbreaking death of Masha and David’s 13-year-old daughter, Helena, known as Heli, who took her own life.

Through their grief, Masha and David have become passionate advocates for changing the emotional culture around children, families, educators and school communities.

In this conversation, we explore how many children suffer silently, why school pressure can become overwhelming, and how kindness is not simply about being nice. It is about creating environments where children and adults feel safe, seen, heard, valued and supported.

We discuss:

• The story behind Kind Waves
• Heli’s life and the heartbreak of losing her
• Why many children suffer silently
• The pressures facing young people in schools
• Why kindness is different from niceness
• The importance of emotional safety in schools
• Why behaviour is often a nervous system response
• How shame and humiliation affect children
• Why teachers need support, not more pressure
• How schools can build cultures of kindness
• The importance of listening to children
• How safe adults can make a life-changing difference
• Social media, perfectionism and the pressure young people face
• Why children need challenge without fear
• How rest, creativity and connection support learning

This is a powerful conversation about grief, education, children’s mental health, school culture and the urgent need to create kinder environments for young people.

Kind Waves:
https://kindwaves.org.uk/

    @kindwavesuk

Piers Cross:
https://www.piers-cross.com/

#AnEvolvingManPodcast #KindWaves #KindnessInSchools #ChildrensMentalHealth #EmotionalSafety #CompassionateLeadership #SchoolCulture #MentalHealthAwareness

00:00 Introduction to Masha Castner, David Moss and Kind Waves
02:05 The story behind Kind Waves
05:20 Heli’s life and what her parents learned through grief
09:10 Children suffering silently
12:45 School pressure and young people’s mental health
16:30 Behaviour as a nervous system response
20:15 Why punishment and shame can harm children
24:40 The importance of emotional safety in schools
29:05 How external voices become internal voices
34:10 Positive challenge rather than pressure
39:00 Social media, perfectionism and young people
44:15 Safe adults, open doors and early support
49:20 Rest, regulation and the school day
53:10 Kindness versus niceness
56:35 The vision for Kind Waves
58:20 Where to find Kind Waves

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Prince George is set to attend Eton College, continuing a long tradition of future leaders being educated in elite boarding schools.

But is this really the best way to prepare someone for leadership in the 21st century?

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore five reasons why we need to stop sending our future leaders to boarding school.

Drawing on modern leadership literature, boarding school syndrome research, attachment theory and the work of writers such as Nick Duffell, Joy Schaverien, Sue Gerhardt, Richard Beard, Louise Champion, Daniel Goleman, Antonio Damasio, Kouzes and Posner, I ask whether boarding school really creates the qualities we need in leaders today.

We explore:

• Why great leadership needs love
• Why boarding school often teaches children to live without love
• How emotional repression affects decision-making
• Why emotional intelligence matters more than ever in leadership
• How boarding school separates future leaders from the people they will one day lead
• Why secure attachment supports a flexible brain
• Why resilience is not the same as dissociation
• The difference between confidence and a survival mask
• Why command-and-control leadership is no longer enough
• Why future leaders need compassion, connection and emotional maturity

This is not simply about Prince George.

It is about what kind of leaders we want to create.

If we continue sending future leaders into environments where love, vulnerability, emotional expression and ordinary human connection are removed, should we be surprised when those leaders later struggle with empathy, intimacy, transparency and care?

The future needs emotionally intelligent leaders.

Leaders who can listen.

Leaders who can feel.

Leaders who can connect.

Leaders who understand the people they are here to serve.

#BoardingSchoolSyndrome #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #Eton #PrinceGeorge #BoardingSchoolTrauma #CompassionateLeadership #FutureLeaders

00:00 Introduction

00:35 Prince George, Eton and future leadership

01:10 Why this conversation matters

01:55 The five reasons we need to rethink boarding school

02:45 Reason 1: Great leadership needs love

04:20 Boarding school and the absence of love

05:25 Reason 2: Emotional repression

06:30 Why leaders need emotional information

07:15 Reason 3: Separation from those they will lead

08:05 Reason 4: Secure attachment and the flexible brain

09:15 Reason 5: Confidence, resilience and dissociation

10:35 Why command-and-control leadership is no longer enough

11:10 Final reflections and invitation to comment

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I speak with Jeremy Lipkowitz, executive coach, meditation teacher, leadership facilitator and founder of Unhooked Academy.

Jeremy works with high-achieving men who want to break free from destructive habits, porn addiction, compulsive sexual behaviour, shame and emotional avoidance. After overcoming addiction and depression in his early twenties through meditation, Jeremy left a doctoral programme at Duke University and spent time as a Buddhist monk in Asia.

In this conversation, we explore why porn addiction is so powerful, why shame keeps so many men stuck, and how mindfulness, Buddhist psychology, community and emotional intelligence can help us break free from compulsive patterns.

We discuss:

• Jeremy’s personal journey with porn addiction and depression
• How Buddhism and meditation changed his life
• Why craving is at the heart of addiction
• The three A’s of porn addiction: affordability, accessibility and anonymity
• Why porn is so difficult to stop when it is available on every phone
• How shame creates a cycle of secrecy and acting out
• The importance of men’s groups and safe community
• Healthy shame, moral dread and Buddhist ethics
• The attention economy and why our minds are being trained into distraction
• How mindfulness helps us reclaim the space between stimulus and response
• Practical ways to begin working with urges, emotions and addictive patterns

This is a powerful and honest conversation about one of the subjects many men struggle with but rarely talk about.

Jeremy’s work:
Unhooked Academy
unhookedacademy.com

Jeremy’s podcast:
 https://unhooked.buzzsprout.com/ 

Piers Cross:
https://www.piers-cross.com/

#AnEvolvingManPodcast #PornAddiction #Mindfulness #MensWork #Buddhism #AddictionRecovery #EmotionalIntelligence #JeremyLipkowitz

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

For Thursday's leadership workshop: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1991361811785?aff=oddtdtcreator

Keir Starmer’s resignation marks another major moment in British political leadership.

If the UK is now heading towards its seventh Prime Minister in just over a decade, the deeper question is not simply who comes next.

The deeper question is:

What kind of leadership culture are we creating?

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I reflect on leadership in the UK, the limits of command-and-control leadership, and why emotional intelligence, honesty, compassion and self-awareness are now essential qualities for leaders in politics, business and wider society.

Drawing on leadership thinkers such as John Maxwell, Kouzes and Posner, and research from the Chartered Management Institute, I explore why so many managers and leaders in the UK are still promoted without proper leadership training, and how this creates what the CMI calls “accidental managers.”

We explore:

• Keir Starmer’s resignation and the wider UK leadership crisis
• Why Britain may not just need a new leader, but a new leadership culture
• The problem with command-and-control leadership
• John Maxwell’s five levels of leadership
• Why positional leadership is the lowest level of leadership
• The importance of honesty, competence, inspiration and forward-thinking
• Why emotional intelligence is no longer optional for leaders
• How public school, grammar school and institutional cultures shape leadership
• Why leaders need to understand ordinary people’s lived experience
• Compassionate leadership as a new model for politics, business and society
• Why the conversations we are not having may be the most important ones

This is not a party-political episode.

It is a reflection on leadership, emotional intelligence, culture and the future of how we lead.

If we want a different kind of leadership in Britain, it begins with the leadership we practise in ourselves, our families, our organisations and our communities.

Website:
https://www.piers-cross.com/

Compassionate Leaders Global:
https://www.compassionateleadersglobal.com/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why do so many politicians, business leaders and influential public figures come from boarding schools?

In this fascinating conversation, I sit down with researcher, author and podcaster Dominic Waterson to explore the hidden influence of childhood experiences, elite education and institutional culture on leadership and power.

Drawing on years of research for his book Traitors: The Pandemic Politicians, Dominic examines the backgrounds of figures including Boris Johnson, Tony Blair, David Cameron, Justin Welby and many others.

Together we explore:

• Why boarding schools appear repeatedly in the backgrounds of political leaders

• The relationship between childhood trauma and leadership

• How institutional cultures shape beliefs, behaviours and decision-making

• Boris Johnson's early years and boarding school experience

• Tony Blair, Fettes College and the influence of elite education

• Why some leaders struggle with authenticity and emotional intelligence

• The impact of power, privilege and social conditioning

• How childhood experiences continue to influence leadership in adulthood

This conversation is not about political parties.

It is about understanding how childhood experiences, education and institutional culture can shape the people who ultimately lead nations, organisations and communities.

Whether you are interested in leadership, psychology, emotional intelligence, trauma, boarding school syndrome or the structures of power, this episode offers a thought-provoking perspective on how leaders are formed.

If you enjoy the conversation, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who may find it valuable.

Website:
www.piers-cross.com

#BoardingSchoolSyndrome #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #PoliticalLeadership #Trauma #ChildhoodTrauma #DominicWaterson #AnEvolvingManPodcast

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 For the workshop: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-conversations-youre-not-having-tickets-1991361811785?aff=oddtdtcreator&keep_tld=true 

Many leaders, entrepreneurs and former boarders avoid the conversations that matter most.

Not because they don't know what needs to be said.

But because somewhere deep in the nervous system, speaking up still feels dangerous.

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore why so many of us avoid difficult conversations, where this pattern originates, and how early experiences such as boarding school, emotional neglect, bullying, criticism or trauma can shape our ability to communicate honestly and set healthy boundaries.

We explore:

• Why difficult conversations can feel frightening
 • How boarding school conditioning teaches silence and compliance
 • The link between trauma, people-pleasing and conflict avoidance
 • Why resentment builds when we don't speak up
 • The role of emotional intelligence in courageous leadership
 • How to have difficult conversations without aggression or blame
 • The importance of nervous system regulation before speaking
 • Using "I statements" instead of projection
 • Why boundaries and conversations are deeply connected
 • Practical steps to start speaking more truthfully

Whether you're a leader, entrepreneur, former boarder, coach, parent or someone who struggles to speak up, this episode offers practical insights to help you communicate with greater confidence, authenticity and compassion.

If this episode resonates, please like, subscribe and share.

To learn more about Compassionate Leaders Global:

https://www.compassionateleadersglobal.com

To learn more about my work:

https://www.piers-cross.com

#Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #BoardingSchoolSyndrome #TraumaHealing #DifficultConversations #CompassionateLeadership #Relationships #PersonalDevelopment

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What if the thing holding you back isn't your circumstances, your team, your strategy, or even your mindset?

What if it's the story you've been unconsciously living for decades?

In this powerful conversation, leadership coach and author Will Steel shares his journey from Royal Air Force pilot to transformational coach and leadership expert.

Together we explore authenticity, emotional intelligence, presence, childhood conditioning, pressure, leadership, identity and the pursuit of fulfilment.

Will explains why many high achievers spend their lives chasing success while never addressing the deeper beliefs driving them. We discuss self-awareness, dissociation, authenticity, transformational leadership and the powerful concept of Fitra — returning to your true nature.

A thought-provoking conversation for leaders, founders, coaches and anyone seeking greater freedom, purpose and authenticity.

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

When my wife Michelle died in 2025, I expected grief.

What I did not expect was that her death would reconnect me with another loss that had remained hidden for decades.

The loss of my mother.

The loss of my family.

The loss of home.

The loss of safety.

The loss that began when I was sent away to boarding school.

In this deeply personal episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I explore the striking similarities between bereavement and the boarding school experience. Drawing on the work of Joy Schaverien, Nick Duffell, Peter Sykes and Paul Sunderland, I reflect on why so many ex-boarders struggle with addiction, emotional disconnection, relationship difficulties and unresolved grief.

For many children, boarding school was not simply separation.

It was bereavement.

The difference is that society recognises one form of grief while often denying the other.

In this episode we explore:

• Why boarding school can be experienced as a profound bereavement

• The connection between grief, addiction and emotional suppression

• Why ex-boarders often struggle to access their feelings

• The impact of losing parents, home and attachment figures at an early age

• Joy Schaverien's work on Boarding School Syndrome

• Nick Duffell's reflections on British culture and emotional disconnection

• Practical ways to process grief safely

• How emotional healing supports leadership, relationships and wellbeing

If this conversation resonates, please consider liking, subscribing and sharing with someone who may benefit.

Website:
https://www.piers-cross.com/

#BoardingSchoolSyndrome #Grief #TraumaHealing #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #AttachmentTrauma #HealingChildhoodTrauma #AnEvolvingManPodcast

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What happens when a leader confronts their own trauma?

In this fascinating conversation, Piers Cross sits down with Dr. Ron Kamacho, police chief, leadership consultant and author, to explore how emotional intelligence transformed his life and leadership.

Ron shares his journey from highly driven, ego-based leadership to a more compassionate, accountable and emotionally intelligent approach.

Together they discuss:

•  Childhood trauma and leadership 
•  The father wound and identity 
•  Emotional intelligence in policing 
•  Leadership under pressure 
•  Building healthy organisational culture 
•  Why ego destroys careers 
•  Self-awareness and introspection 
•  Compassion and accountability 
•  Mental health in law enforcement 
•  The future of leadership 

A deeply honest conversation about what it truly means to lead yourself before leading others.

00:00 Introduction to Dr. Ron Kamacho
02:05 Childhood trauma, policing and proving himself
07:30 Therapy, emotional intelligence and transformation
12:15 Leadership lessons from Afghanistan and Mexico
18:00 Humility, ego and personal growth
22:15 Leadership under pressure and SWAT experiences
28:10 Emotional regulation and self-awareness
33:20 Why leaders struggle with self-awareness
39:10 Growth mindset versus fixed mindset
43:45 Building culture through leadership
49:00 Ego kills careers
53:15 Accountability, compassion and leadership
57:30 Trauma, policing and mental health
01:01:00 Ron's book: Bringing Ego to the Forefront
01:03:25 Closing reflections

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/