In this episode, I explore why criticism can feel so painful for those of us who went to boarding school.

For many ex-boarders, criticism does not simply feel like feedback. It can feel like danger. It can activate old patterns of shame, fear, compliance, dissociation or defensiveness.

I reflect on boarding school conditioning, the fear of getting things wrong, Nick Duffell’s work on wounded leaders, David Cameron’s response to criticism, Rick Hanson’s “Velcro for negativity and Teflon for positivity,” and Martin Seligman’s three Ps: personal, permanent and pervasive.

I also share practical ways to regulate the nervous system before responding, and why learning to receive feedback is essential for leadership, intimacy and growth.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In Episode 159 of An Evolving Man Podcast, I’m joined by Professor Helen Odell-Miller OBE, one of the UK’s leading pioneers in music therapy.

Helen has spent decades working with trauma, attachment, mental health and emotional healing through music. She also worked closely with the late Joy Schaverien, whose work on boarding school syndrome transformed the conversation around early separation and institutional trauma.

In this episode we explore:

•  What music therapy is and how it works 
•  Why music can help where words cannot 
•  Helen’s own boarding school experience 
•  Joy Schaverien’s ABCD model 
•  Hidden abandonment and dissociation 
•  Why resilience is often misunderstood 
•  How music can support connection, regulation and healing 

A thoughtful and powerful conversation.

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Many boarding schools claim they build resilience.

But what if what they often create is something else entirely?

In this episode, I explore the difference between true resilience and dissociation, and why so many ex-boarders struggle with relationships, emotional regulation, connection and rest later in life.

Drawing on the work of Barbara Fredrickson, Emma Seppälä, Joy Schaverien, Nick Duffell and others, I share:

•  Why becoming “bulletproof” is not resilience 
•  How trauma narrows the window of tolerance 
•  Why emotional agility matters 
•  Three practical ways to build real resilience 
•  Why healing often happens in connection 

If you went to boarding school or work with high performers, this conversation may offer a new lens.

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode, I explore the powerful influence of crowds and group behaviour, particularly within boarding school environments.

Why do people join in when someone is being shamed or targeted?
 Why does it happen so quickly — and often without conscious thought?

Drawing on Elias Canetti’s Crowds and Power and modern neuroscience around mirror neurons, this episode looks at how emotional contagion shapes behaviour — and why many of us still carry guilt or shame about those moments.

This is also an episode about self-forgiveness.

Understanding that what happened was often about survival — and how we begin to take responsibility without self-judgement.

In This Episode:

•  Crowd psychology and emotional contagion 
•  Boarding school group dynamics 
•  Mirror neurons and unconscious behaviour 
•  Shame and the inner critic 
•  Self-forgiveness and healing

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In Episode 158 of An Evolving Man Podcast, I’m joined by Peter Sykes — humanitarian, strategist, writer and author of Somewhere Never Home.

Peter has led major humanitarian responses across the world, but in this conversation we explore the deeply personal side of his story.

We talk about growing up as a third culture kid, being sent to boarding school at age 10, identity loss, addiction, achievement, emotional suppression, and the long path of healing.

This is an honest, moving and hopeful conversation for anyone interested in childhood trauma, boarding school syndrome, recovery, leadership and emotional wellbeing.

We Explore:

•  Boarding school and abandonment 
•  Addiction as a response to pain 
•  Achievement and perfectionism 
•  Emotional suppression and intimacy 
•  Third culture kids and belonging 
•  Recovery, therapy and mindfulness 
•  Why it’s never too late to heal 

A powerful episode with depth, wisdom and humanity.

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this short solo episode, I reflect on one of the deepest impacts of boarding school:

The loss of identity.

What happens when children learn that their name, hobbies, feelings and individuality are not safe?

Drawing on my recent conversation with Peter Sykes, I explore how institutional environments shape children into survival personalities — the complier, the rebel or the crushed child.

We also look at why many adults later struggle to know what they truly want, and how we can begin reconnecting with our authentic selves.

In This Episode:

•  Identity loss at boarding school 
•  Names, shame and conformity 
•  Strategic survival personalities 
•  Why authenticity gets buried 
•  How to reconnect with who you really are 
•  Journaling and healing practices 

A thoughtful and practical episode for anyone exploring boarding school trauma, identity and recovery.

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In episode 157 of An Evolving Man, I speak with Kimberly Isherwood and Joan Ginsberg from Public Child Protection Wales.

Together we explore one of the most urgent and difficult issues in modern society: how we genuinely protect children from harm.

Kimberly and Joan share why Public Child Protection Wales was founded, what they see happening on the ground in education and safeguarding, and why they believe many current systems are not adequately protecting children.

We discuss grooming, institutional abuse, safeguarding blind spots, disclosure, adult responsibility, and the cultural reluctance to speak honestly about the realities children can face.

We also touch on boarding schools, neglect, attachment, and why child protection must begin with better informed adults, not simply new policies on paper.

This is a sobering but deeply important conversation for parents, teachers, safeguarding professionals, and anyone who cares about children’s wellbeing.

This episode reflects the views and concerns of the guests based on their research, experience and campaigning work.

Timestamps

00:00 Introduction
 01:18 Why Public Child Protection Wales was founded
 06:14 Joan Ginsburg’s background in education
 10:12 Concerns about current practice in schools
 16:42 Why certain lesson content is being challenged
 22:05 Grooming and how it works
 27:18 Systems, institutions and blind spots
 31:25 What safeguarding should look like
 37:44 Why current training often falls short
 44:12 Boarding schools and social services
 50:08 Neglect, trauma and attachment
 54:45 Why people hesitate to speak up
 59:28 The need to normalise hard conversations
 01:04:10 What must change
 01:08:17 Where to support Public Child Protection Wales

Find out more

Public Child Protection Wales
 publicchildprotectionwales.org

Piers Cross
 piers-cross.com

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 To buy tickets for the Glastonbury screening on 18th April 6.30-9pm or to share it: https://www.tickettailor.com/events/goodwillinactiontopreventsuicidecio/2140155 

In this short video, I’m sharing some reflections and inviting you to a special screening of our documentary Boarding on Insanity on April 18th in Glastonbury.

This feels like a full-circle moment, as we return to the very retreat centre where part of the documentary was filmed.

This will be more than just a screening — it’s an opportunity to come together, reflect, and have an open conversation about boarding school, trauma, leadership, and the wider impact these experiences may have on society.

We’ll also explore questions such as:

•  How does childhood trauma shape leadership? 
•  What is the true impact of boarding school on emotional development? 
•  Why is neglect often overlooked, despite its profound effects? 
•  Can healing happen more effectively in groups? 

If you’re nearby or feel called to this conversation, I would love to see you there.

📍 Event Details

Date: April 18th
Location: Glastonbury
Doors open: 6:30pm
Screening starts: 7:00pm
Followed by: Group discussion and connection

Ticket link in description.

⏱️ Timestamps (6:40 total)

00:00 Introduction
 00:35 Documentary screening announcement (April 18th, Glastonbury)
 01:20 Returning to the retreat centre – full circle moment
 02:10 What the evening will include (screening + discussion)
 03:00 Boarding school, trauma and leadership reflections
 04:10 Neglect and its impact on child development
 05:10 The importance of group healing and connection
 06:00 Upcoming podcast conversations and closing invitation

🔍 In this video, I explore:

•  Boarding school trauma and its long-term impact 
•  The role of neglect in childhood development 
•  Leadership and unresolved trauma 
•  Why healing often happens in groups 
•  Creating spaces for open, honest conversation 

🎧 Also coming up on the podcast

•  Public Child Protection Wales 
•  Peter Sykes 
•  Helen Odell-Miller 

🔗 Connect with me

Piers Cross
 Founder, Compassionate Leaders Global
 Leadership Coach | Speaker | Podcast Host

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In Episode 156 of An Evolving Man, I speak with Christopher J. Wesley — artist, speaker, and emotional leadership thinker — about trauma, identity, and emotional truth in a world shaped by pressure, performance, and algorithms.

Christopher shares his powerful journey from early childhood abuse to rebuilding his identity through grief, creativity, and self-awareness.

We explore how trauma shapes the way we see ourselves, why many leaders are disconnected from their emotional world, and how reconnecting with feeling can transform both life and leadership.

This episode also introduces Christopher’s FRAME Method — a practical approach to integrating emotion and logic in decision-making.

A deeply human conversation about healing, resilience, and what it means to live with authenticity.

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man, I explore the concept of the outer critic — a key pattern in trauma, CPTSD, and boarding school syndrome.

Drawing on the work of Pete Walker, we look at how unresolved emotional pain can turn outward, shaping how we judge, mistrust, and distance ourselves from others.

While the inner critic attacks the self, the outer critic targets others — often silently and unconsciously.

This episode explores how this pattern develops, how it shows up in relationships and everyday life, and most importantly, how we begin to work with it.

We also explore practical tools including mindfulness, somatic awareness, grieving, and vision-based practices to help regulate the nervous system and reduce the intensity of these patterns.

A grounded and honest reflection for anyone navigating trauma, leadership, or emotional healing.

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/