In this episode of An Evolving Man, I speak with Françoise Elvin, counsellor, mentor, facilitator, and author of Uneldered. We discuss:

• Secure vs insecure attachment — and how it shapes our adult lives
• Trauma as “undigested experience” and the importance of integration
• Why elders and initiatory practices are vital for healthy societies
• The balance of masculine (yang) and feminine (yin) initiation
• Her upcoming project: the Sovereignty School
• The role of nature, meditation, and presence in healing

Françoise shares her journey from Zen practice in her 20s to her current work in counselling and mentoring, offering wisdom on how to move from fragmentation into wholeness.

🔗 Connect with Françoise: https://elephant.intheroom.is

Françoise Elvin is a highly experienced Counsellor, Mentor, Facilitator and Author who has spenta lifetimeexploring the body-mind-spirit connection.  She began her journey into holistic well-being by immersing herself in yoga, meditation, and nature over 30 years ago. 

 In 2024 she published ‘UnEldered’, a non-fiction work exploring, amongst other things, the role of Elders in traditional culture and the impact of their absence from modern society.  In the counselling room her specialisms include reframing disabling narratives through the power of deep listening.  She uses parts work and a person-centred approach.  Many of her clients suffer from Complex PTSD (trauma), ADHD, sex and intimacy issues and narcissistic abuse. Her work is body-based and somatic, embracing attachment and polyvagal theories.  

Francoise is also a mother and grandmother.  Her aspiration to become a modern-day Elder is prompting her to establish an Intergenerational Sovereignty School in south Devon.  You can reach her at Elephant.intherooom.is to enquire about sessions and copies of her book (also on Amazon).  She welcomes collaborators and guest teachers to develop the curriculum for the Sovereignty School.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

In this solo episode, I explore one of the deepest wounds many ex-boarders carry: “I’m not good enough.”

We look at:

• Why this belief develops in boarding school environments
• The double bind that places blame inward on the child
• How it manifests later in life as burnout, addiction, or perfectionism
• The role of attachment in buffering or amplifying trauma
• Practical ways to reframe self-talk, celebrate achievements, and parent ourselves

If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough — or noticed this pattern in leaders, colleagues, or loved ones — this episode offers insights and practices to shift from self-criticism to self-compassion.

✨ New episodes every week on psychology, child development, and boarding school syndrome.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

In this episode, I sit down with Paul Sunderland, an internationally respected addiction specialist and trainer. With decades of clinical experience on both sides of the Atlantic, Paul has become a leading voice on the often-hidden connection between complex PTSD, adoption, boarding school trauma, and addiction.

We explore:

• Paul’s personal story of addiction and recovery.
• Why early separation wounds are disguised traumas that shape lifelong patterns.
• The link between complex PTSD and addiction as an adaptive response.
• Why boarding school syndrome should be understood as a form of complex PTSD.
• Pathways to healing — from psychoeducation to co-regulation and trauma therapies.

Paul’s work is a reminder that beneath the pain of addiction often lies unacknowledged trauma — and that recovery is not about fixing overnight, but about finding safety, connection, and growth.

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Paul Sunderland is a renowned addiction specialist, consultant and trainer.

With over 35 years of experience, Paul’s ground-breaking work has especially illuminated the deep and often-overlooked links between adoption, trauma, and addictions. His powerful presentations available on YouTube have resonated with thousands around the world.

Questions for Paul:

1. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please talk me through Complex PTSD – what is it and how does it differ from PTSD?
3. Could you please talk about addictions. Why is addiction an adaptive response to complex PTSD?
4. How do addictions migrate?
5. Could you please speak to the disguised trauma of early boarders?
6. Could you also please speak to how adoptees are over represented in addiction treatment?
7. What are some of the techniques that you use for helping people recover from complex PTSD and addictions?
8. Could please speak to how mental and emotional health are relational?
9. How do people find out more about your work?

For Paul's TED X talk: https://youtu.be/liCfwTFUYNw?si=uYDWXQrO077TTVh7

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

I spoke with addiction specialist Paul Sunderland on Monday: https://youtu.be/a7tBz4adgGo 

In the conversation he spoke about addictions and why early boarders and adoptees are over represented in addiction treatment and recovery. 

He calls these traumas "disguised" in the way that they are seen as lucky. 

I also talk about how Paul refers to the equation: Stress - Without Attachment = Trauma.

I explore how boarding school breaks attachment and is essentially "Without Attachment".

Any questions please do let me know, Take care, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Should Prince George follow his father to Eton College — or his mother to Marlborough College? Or should he avoid boarding altogether?

In this episode, I explore the debate currently surrounding Prince William and Kate Middleton’s choice of school for their son, who has just turned 12. Drawing on stories from both Eton and Marlborough, as well as insights from neuroscience and decades of research into “boarding school syndrome,” I share why this decision carries far more weight than simply prestige or tradition.

In this video, I cover:

• Kate Middleton’s difficult start at Down House and later move to Marlborough
• Prince William’s experience at Eton, and Harry’s reflections in Spare
• Accounts of bullying, abuse, and emotional neglect from alumni of both schools
• Why children under 16 should not board, based on attachment science and trauma research
• Five neuroscience-backed reasons why boarding undermines leadership development
• Why day schools close to home may provide healthier foundations for Prince George

As the next generation of leaders emerges, emotional intelligence, relationships, and secure attachments matter more than privilege or tradition.

📚 Books & references mentioned include:

• Spare by Prince Harry
• Wounded Leaders by Nick Duffell
• Antonio Damasio’s research on decision-making and emotion
• Dibbe Onyema’s account of racial abuse at Eton

👉 What do you think — Eton, Marlborough, or neither? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

What role can plant medicines play in deep trauma healing?

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Richard Grossman — acupuncturist, healer, and long-time student of Amazonian plant medicine traditions. We explore his decades of work at the intersection of Eastern medicine, shamanic healing, and trauma recovery.

Dr. Grossman shares his experiences studying with indigenous teachers in Peru, working with ayahuasca, and guiding people through profound emotional and spiritual transformation. We also explore the importance of preparation, integration, and respect when engaging with sacred plants.

In this conversation, we discuss:

• How Dr. Grossman moved from Western medical training to holistic healing
• The healing potential of ayahuasca and other plant medicines
• Why integration is just as important as the ceremony itself
• The relationship between trauma and spiritual awakening
• Lessons learned from decades of working with indigenous healers
• Navigating the risks, challenges, and misconceptions about plant medicine

This is a deep, nuanced look at how plant medicines can support emotional and spiritual growth — and why they’re not a shortcut, but a doorway into deeper work.

📖 Learn more about Dr. Grossman: https://heartfeather.com/

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

In this episode, I reflect on the changing face of leadership. For generations, leaders operated in a command-and-control style—authoritarian, hierarchical, and often ruthless. But today, we’re seeing a shift toward emotionally and spiritually intelligent leadership, grounded in compassion, care, and trust.

I draw on insights from books and leaders including Admiral Mike Manazir, Simon Sinek, Richard Branson, John C. Maxwell, and The Leadership Challenge, to explore:

• Why authoritarian leadership is breaking down
• How compassion and psychological safety drive innovation and loyalty
• The difference between creating followers and multiplying leaders
• Why love may be the most powerful and lasting secret of effective leadership

Leadership is evolving—and this conversation is an invitation to rethink how we lead, how we inspire, and how we leave a legacy.

✨ Connect with me to learn more about The Compassionate Leaders Pathway, starting this September.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

In this deeply moving and vital episode of The Evolving Man Podcast, I sit down with Neil Harding — survivor, advocate, and whistleblower — to speak honestly and bravely about the widespread child sexual abuse that took place at Dilworth School in New Zealand.

Neil was a full-time boarder from the age of 9. For decades, he held onto the trauma he experienced there, until the day came when he could stay silent no longer.

What follows is a raw and powerful conversation about trauma, grooming, institutional betrayal, and the long path to healing. Neil shares his story not for sympathy, but to shine a light on a culture of secrecy and enablement — and to support other survivors who still feel voiceless.

We also explore how Neil reclaimed his voice, how he moved through shame, and the personal toll of standing up to institutions that failed him and many others.

This episode is for every survivor. And for every person ready to truly listen.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Neil’s early experiences at Dilworth School
• Grooming, silence, and the mechanisms of institutional abuse
• The long-term impacts of sexual trauma
• Shame, addiction, and the search for safety
• Speaking out in adulthood and confronting the system
• What survivors need — and rarely get — from society
• How community, therapy, and visibility support healing

🎧 AEM #136 is a call to truth, compassion, and action.

📢 If you’re a survivor, or you work with trauma, this is a must-listen.

🛑 Content Warning: This episode includes discussions of child sexual abuse and trauma.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

What happens when your parents — not you — went to boarding school? How might their experiences shape your childhood, and the adult you become?

In this reflective episode, I explore the hidden ways parental boarding school experiences can ripple through generations. Drawing on personal stories, research, and dozens of podcast interviews, I share how traits like emotional distance, overwork, and repression can often be traced back to the complex trauma of boarding school.

We discuss:

• The symptoms of Boarding School Syndrome in parents
• How these patterns affect family relationships
• Why your parents might say they “loved it” — and what’s really underneath
• The power of asking open, curious questions about their school experience
• How understanding their story can soften your heart and open the door to healing

This episode invites you to look at your own family history with fresh eyes. You may discover that your parents’ struggles were never about you — they were the echoes of an education system built on separation, survival, and silence.

Resources mentioned:

• Boarding on Insanity documentary
• Podcast interviews with Joy Schaverien, Alex Renton, and Nick Duffell
• Dr. Gabor Maté on developmental trauma

🎧 Listen in, reflect, and if you can, start the conversation.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

In this powerful episode of The Evolving Man Podcast, I speak with Professor Dr. Paul Miller — consultant psychiatrist, EMDR trainer, and pioneer in the use of psychedelic-assisted therapy for trauma.

We explore Dr. Miller's remarkable journey through psychiatry, from the early days of surgical training to becoming a leading voice in trauma-informed care. He shares eye-opening insights into how trauma shapes the brain, why traditional psychiatric models often fall short, and how EMDR and psychedelics are offering new hope for people with PTSD, complex trauma, and even schizophrenia.

Dr. Miller also opens up about his own lived experience — of loss, betrayal, and healing — and why he believes authentic therapeutic relationships and community are at the heart of recovery.

In this episode, we cover:

• Dr. Miller’s path from surgery to psychiatry
• The limitations of purely biological models of mental illness
• EMDR and how it transforms trauma recovery
• Complex PTSD and the role of attachment, especially in early life
• His groundbreaking work with psychedelic medicines (MDMC, ketamine, psilocybin)
• The sacred art of listening and container-building in therapy
• Why trauma-informed care must replace the outdated “broken brain” narrative
• The impact of boarding schools, shame, and developmental trauma

Whether you’re a therapist, someone on your own healing journey, or simply trauma-curious, this episode will leave you informed, inspired, and grounded in hope.

🔗 Learn more about Dr. Paul Miller’s work: https://mirabilishealth.co.uk
 🔗 Watch short videos: Search “Morabilis Health Institute” on YouTube
 🔗 Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-paul-miller

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/