An Evolving Man Podcast

One of the questions I hear most often from former boarders is:

"Why did I hate prep school but love public school?"

Or sometimes:

"Why was public school much harder than prep school?"

In this solo episode, I explore the different experiences people report and why those differences may exist.

Drawing on stories from Roald Dahl, David Cameron, Ranulph Fiennes, Bear Grylls and John Peel, I examine how children adapt to boarding school environments and why the first boarding experience often has such a profound impact.

We discuss homesickness, bullying, adaptation, dissociation, betrayal trauma and the long-term effects of boarding school on identity, relationships and leadership.

Whether you attended boarding school yourself or work with those who did, this episode offers important reflections on how early experiences shape adult life.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Why do so many boarding school survivors struggle with boundaries?

In this episode, Piers Cross explores how boarding school conditioning can shape people pleasing, emotional suppression and difficulty saying no later in life.

Drawing on trauma theory, attachment work and years of coaching leaders and ex-boarders, Piers explores why boundaries can feel dangerous for many trauma survivors — and why nervous system regulation is essential when learning to hold healthy boundaries.

Topics include:

•  Boarding school and the “complier” survival strategy 
•  Fight, flight, freeze and appease 
•  Why boundaries feel unsafe 
•  Shame, fear and conflict avoidance 
•  Avoidant attachment and trauma 
•  Boundary repair practices 
•  EFT tapping and Havening 
•  Leadership and emotional intelligence 
•  Nervous system regulation and safety 

Piers also shares practical boundary exercises inspired by Diane Poole Heller’s work on attachment and trauma healing.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 To register for the webinar: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/why-smart-leaders-still-self-sabotage-identify-and-break-hidden-patterns-tickets-1988408152310

Why do we sabotage the very things we say we want?

In this episode, Piers Cross explores self-sabotage through the lens of boarding school survival patterns, trauma, leadership and nervous system regulation.

Drawing on Gay Hendricks’ concept of the “Upper Limit Problem,” Piers explains how many ex-boarders unconsciously return themselves to familiar emotional states whenever success, intimacy, joy or uncertainty begin to increase.

Topics include:

•  Boarding school conditioning and emotional suppression 
•  Fight, flight, freeze and dissociation 
•  Why success can feel unsafe 
•  Relationship sabotage 
•  Leadership and emotional regulation 
•  The nervous system and uncertainty 
•  EFT, Havening and mindfulness 
•  Expanding the window of tolerance 
•  Compassionate leadership and healing trauma 

Piers also shares details about the upcoming free workshop:
 Why Smart Leaders Still Self-Sabotage

A reflective and experiential leadership workshop exploring unconscious patterns shaping relationships, work and performance.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In episode 160 of An Evolving Man Podcast, I speak with Sara Warner, a BACP registered counsellor and Internal Family Systems therapist who specialises in working with boarding school survivors.

We explore the vagus nerve, polyvagal theory, nervous system regulation and the potential role of wearable technology and stimulation devices such as the Neurosym, Zeno and Oura Ring.

Sara shares what first drew her to these devices through her client work, and we discuss how they may support regulation, sleep, digestion, anxiety and trauma recovery.

We also explore why ex-boarders often live in sympathetic or dorsal vagal states, why co-regulation is so important, and how nervous system regulation connects directly with leadership, emotional intelligence and compassionate leadership.

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To get the Zenowell wearable: https://zenowell.ai/pierscross and for 10% off please use the code: PIERSCROSS

To purchase the Nurosym please visit: https://www.nurosym.com/SARA80955

Both links will support the channel. Thank you for your support.

To connect to Sara: https://counsellinginlewes.com/

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 Here is the link to this Friday's podcast with Sara Warner about the vagus nerve and wearables: https://youtu.be/HpxcTW0oKI8 

In this episode, I explore polyvagal theory, the vagus nerve, childhood trauma and boarding school syndrome.

Following my recent conversation with Sarah Warner about vagus nerve stimulation, wearables and nervous system regulation, I wanted to look more closely at what polyvagal theory actually means and why it is so relevant for ex-boarders and trauma survivors.

The vagus nerve is one of the main communication pathways between the body and the brain. Much of this communication travels from the body up to the brain, which helps explain why we cannot always think or talk our way out of stress.

I explore bottom-up regulation, top-down regulation and co-regulation, including breathwork, movement, humming, posture, touch, orienting practices and safe connection.

I also reflect on Nick Duffell’s work and how boarding school trauma can affect emotional regulation, attachment, facial reading, intimacy, leadership and our ability to feel safe with others.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode, I explore why criticism can feel so painful for those of us who went to boarding school.

For many ex-boarders, criticism does not simply feel like feedback. It can feel like danger. It can activate old patterns of shame, fear, compliance, dissociation or defensiveness.

I reflect on boarding school conditioning, the fear of getting things wrong, Nick Duffell’s work on wounded leaders, David Cameron’s response to criticism, Rick Hanson’s “Velcro for negativity and Teflon for positivity,” and Martin Seligman’s three Ps: personal, permanent and pervasive.

I also share practical ways to regulate the nervous system before responding, and why learning to receive feedback is essential for leadership, intimacy and growth.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In Episode 159 of An Evolving Man Podcast, I’m joined by Professor Helen Odell-Miller OBE, one of the UK’s leading pioneers in music therapy.

Helen has spent decades working with trauma, attachment, mental health and emotional healing through music. She also worked closely with the late Joy Schaverien, whose work on boarding school syndrome transformed the conversation around early separation and institutional trauma.

In this episode we explore:

•  What music therapy is and how it works 
•  Why music can help where words cannot 
•  Helen’s own boarding school experience 
•  Joy Schaverien’s ABCD model 
•  Hidden abandonment and dissociation 
•  Why resilience is often misunderstood 
•  How music can support connection, regulation and healing 

A thoughtful and powerful conversation.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Many boarding schools claim they build resilience.

But what if what they often create is something else entirely?

In this episode, I explore the difference between true resilience and dissociation, and why so many ex-boarders struggle with relationships, emotional regulation, connection and rest later in life.

Drawing on the work of Barbara Fredrickson, Emma Seppälä, Joy Schaverien, Nick Duffell and others, I share:

•  Why becoming “bulletproof” is not resilience 
•  How trauma narrows the window of tolerance 
•  Why emotional agility matters 
•  Three practical ways to build real resilience 
•  Why healing often happens in connection 

If you went to boarding school or work with high performers, this conversation may offer a new lens.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode, I explore the powerful influence of crowds and group behaviour, particularly within boarding school environments.

Why do people join in when someone is being shamed or targeted?
 Why does it happen so quickly — and often without conscious thought?

Drawing on Elias Canetti’s Crowds and Power and modern neuroscience around mirror neurons, this episode looks at how emotional contagion shapes behaviour — and why many of us still carry guilt or shame about those moments.

This is also an episode about self-forgiveness.

Understanding that what happened was often about survival — and how we begin to take responsibility without self-judgement.

In This Episode:

•  Crowd psychology and emotional contagion 
•  Boarding school group dynamics 
•  Mirror neurons and unconscious behaviour 
•  Shame and the inner critic 
•  Self-forgiveness and healing

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In Episode 158 of An Evolving Man Podcast, I’m joined by Peter Sykes — humanitarian, strategist, writer and author of Somewhere Never Home.

Peter has led major humanitarian responses across the world, but in this conversation we explore the deeply personal side of his story.

We talk about growing up as a third culture kid, being sent to boarding school at age 10, identity loss, addiction, achievement, emotional suppression, and the long path of healing.

This is an honest, moving and hopeful conversation for anyone interested in childhood trauma, boarding school syndrome, recovery, leadership and emotional wellbeing.

We Explore:

•  Boarding school and abandonment 
•  Addiction as a response to pain 
•  Achievement and perfectionism 
•  Emotional suppression and intimacy 
•  Third culture kids and belonging 
•  Recovery, therapy and mindfulness 
•  Why it’s never too late to heal 

A powerful episode with depth, wisdom and humanity.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/