4 Months After The Death of My Wife... | Piers Cross 

Today I share some reflections four months after the death of my wife. 

What has it been like? 

What have I learned? 

For the video: 9 Ways I Dealt With Grief: https://youtu.be/tKgGG9i1FbI 

For the original video where I share the news about my wife: https://youtu.be/fYSs8JOeYgg 

To buy tickets for the Boarding on Insanity screening in West Yorkshire on 27th June: https://www.tickettailor.com/events/soulwellnesshub1/1712713 

#posttraumaticgrowth #grief #death #dying 

Take care,

Piers

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

A few days ago, a colleague recommended I connect with Chris Barez-Brown.

I listened to one of his talks on resilience — and a lightbulb went on.

For the past 10 years, I’ve worked closely with leaders — many of whom attended boarding school. Over time, I’ve noticed a consistent pattern:

Dissociation.

Rather than feeling what’s happening in the body, many retreat into their heads. Emotions are shut down. Sensations ignored. Connection severed.

This is one of the key issues we work on because if we are dissociated we don’t lead very well. 

• Dissociation means a lack of emotional intelligence so we struggle to empathise with those we lead. 
• Our communication is poor because it lacks vulnerability and honesty
• People model our actions - if we are pushing through burnout - they will follow.

That’s when the penny dropped.

Because I realised — many organisations are teaching this.

They’re calling it resilience, but it’s not.

What’s often sold as “resilience” is actually:

• Numbing your emotions
  
  
  
• Pushing through exhaustion
  
  
  
• Tolerating dysfunction
  
  
  
• Ignoring your burnout
  
  
  

This isn’t strength. It’s dissociation.

Real resilience, according to leading researchers, looks very different:

• Acknowledging stress — and honouring it
  
  
  
• Feeling your emotions — without being overwhelmed
  
  
  
• Rest — knowing when and how to recover
  
  
  
• Community — staying connected to yourself and others
  
  
  
• Psychological safety — feeling free to be you, not just a performer
  
  
  

If we don’t shift how we define resilience, the consequences are clear:

• More burnout
  
  
  
• Employees feeling broken for not being able to “push through”
  
  
  
• Cultures where emotion is pathologised rather than held
  
  
  
• A leadership style rooted in blame, not responsibility
  
  
  

It’s time to reframe resilience — not as stoicism, but as compassion in action.

Because when leaders model true resilience, workplaces heal.
 And when workplaces heal, people thrive.

#LeadershipDevelopment #WorkplaceWellbeing #EmotionalIntelligence #ResilientLeadership #CorporateCulture #PsychologicalSafety #AuthenticLeadership #BurnoutRecovery #CompassionateLeadership #TheCompassionateExecutive

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

I spent this morning in conversation with Dr Suzanne Zeedyk of Connected Baby and producer, Simon Hinkly. 

We were talking about the new screenings of #boardingoninsanity. 

On 27th June in Sowerby Bridge, West Yorkshire from 6pm the film will be shown along with a Q&A with director Ben Cole and producer, Piers Cross. 

And then on 28th June in Edinburgh at the Cameo Picture House at 2.30pm - 4.30pm. 

Doors open 2pm. 

Suzanne and Connected Baby will be co-hosting the event. 

The Q&A panel will include Suzanne, Alex Renton, Morag Edwards, Ben Cole and Piers Cross. Another guest to be announced. 

To buy tickets for Edinburgh: https://connectedbaby.net/event/scottish-premiere-of-boarding-on-insanity/ 

And for tickets for Sowerby Bridge in West Yorkshire: https://www.tickettailor.com/events/soulwellnesshub1/1712713 

I also talk about going back to my old boarding school last week. 

Take care, 

Piers 

#boardingschooltrauma #trauma #drgabormate #gabormate #boardingschoolsyndrome #boardingschool#aces 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Marc Azoulay is the founder of Men’s Therapy Online, a community and healing hub for men who want to get back on their feet or take their lives to the next level. With the help of his team of licensed clinicians he provides ongoing men’s groups, individual counselling, and powerful wilderness retreats to his members. He has a background in psychoanalysis, neuroscience, and Buddhism.

Key topics Marc discusses:

• I would love for you to share how you got into the work you now do?
• What is the current situation regarding modern masculinity? What is going on?
• There have been concerns over the past few years that men are struggling mentally. Could you please speak to men's mental health? 
• What are some of the best personal growth tools that you have found for mental health?
• Why Therapy Fails Men (and How to Fix It)
• The Importance of Mentorship, Community & Ritual for Men
• How Masculinity Needs to Evolve
• The importance of grief work for men
• His experiences of Buddhism
• If you are woman listening to this, what can you do to support a man you know to start to heal?

For more information: https://menstherapy.online/

#mentalhealth #mensmentalhealth #whytherapyfailsmen

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

 This Friday I am going back to my old boarding school for a day to remember the survivors of child sexual abuse at the school. 

Today I wanted to share some thoughts. What am I feeling? What will be happening?

Last Friday I went to Joy Schaverien's funeral in London. I share some of my experiences. 

And finally we have two screenings and Q&A's for the documentary, Boarding On Insanity. 

First is in Sowerby Bridge, West Yorkshire 27th June 6.30pm https://www.tickettailor.com/events/soulwellnesshub1/1712713 

And the second is in Edinburgh at the Cameo Cinema on 28th June at 2pm. 

Tickets to follow. 

Here is last week's podcast talking about sexual abuse in a New Zealand boarding school: https://youtu.be/vFuQANOr5HM 

And this week's podcast: https://youtu.be/HU5yHHyXYQU #boardingschoolsyndrome 

#boardingschool #joyschaverien #boardingoninsanity 

Take care, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

 PLEASE NOTE: We talk about sexual abuse in this episode which some viewers may find triggering. 

Mark Staufer is an experienced ghostwriter and copywriter with a passion for helping clients tell their stories authentically and powerfully. He specializes in preserving personal legacies, organizing complex life stories and crafting engaging narratives. He is also the writer of The Lost Boys of Dilworth, TVNZ, a prime time docu-drama, which recounts Mark's own experiences at the notorious New Zealand boarding school during the 1970s. 

1. Could you please share some of your journey. What was the catalyst to writing The Lost Boys of Dilworth?
2. Areas to talk about:

• Mum saying, “If you really hate it, I promise you can come home.”
• Feeling terror at the school
• School: “most emotional experience I've ever had.”
• Dorm: constantly watched
• Cold/ A lot of crying – sobbing at night/ Dorm raid – beatings – becoming pretty fearful.
• Bullying ever present
• Like Lord of the Flies
• Punishments – cold baths in front of the teachers. - 16m
• Attempted suicide – no one's got your back – no one to go to 19m
• No where to escape from pain and violence
• It felt like a prison – island of hostility and violence - 20m
• French leave – running away – sat under a bridge
• 25m – spent a lot of time crying – sympathetic ears didn't exist
• Being sent to Coventry – no one is allowed to talk to you – a ghost – no one acknowledges you.
• Mrs Morgan – kind teacher - “If you couldn't control the children, there was something wrong with you.” “No kindness at the school.”
• Leave day – sense of dread
• Grooming – train tracks – praying together – coming out of tutors late at night
• 8 paedophiles at Dilworth – Mark sexually abused in the chapel – many boys raped – the doctor knew
• Disciplined for speaking up – telling lies
• School was a magnet for paedophiles
• 50m - Betrayal – Mum – no way out unless expelled
• 55m – Getting expelled age 14
• Friend committed suicide
• Consequences – drugs, alcohol, crime/ self-destruction/ never fixed relationship with mother

#lostboysofdilworth #dilworth #nzboardingschool #boardingschoolsyndrome

To connect to him on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mark-staufer-7624b115/ 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

 #eq #emotionalintelligence #leadershipskills #leadershipdevelopment #vision 

Today I talk about 5 reasons why emotional intelligence is important in leadership. 

I talk about how you need to have emotional information in order to make good decsions. 

That in order to connect to your vision and that of the company then you have to be connected to your emotions. 

And that according to leadership experts, Kouzes and Posner, "love is the secret ingredient of leadership." 

I also talk about relationships and inspiring others. 

For this Friday's podcast with writer Mark Staufer talking about abuse in a New Zealand boarding school: https://youtu.be/vFuQANOr5HM 

And last Friday's podcast with Dr Robin Youngson talking about his experiences of the medical system and its similarities to boarding: https://youtu.be/GNQHj6rKUZg

 Take care, Piers 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Is the experience of being in a hospital like boarding school?

Retired medical doctor, Dr Robin Youngson, talks about the similarities between hospitals and boarding school.

These include:

➡️ Bullying

➡️ Stripped of your clothes and identity and given a uniform

➡️ Given dreadful food at fixed times

➡️ Arbitary rules and regulations

➡️ Loss of all privacy

➡️ Sleep in shared dormitories

➡️ Shared toilets

➡️ The person in charge is matron

A fascinating conversation looking at the old model and how Dr Youngson created a new hospital system in New Zealand with amazing results.

https://youtu.be/GNQHj6rKUZg

#medicalsystem #hospital #bullying #boardingschool #havening

Dr Robin Youngson, is a Certified Havening Practitioner and Trainer, and is a recently retired Anaesthetic Specialist with a long career in the public health service in the UK and New Zealand. He works full time as a trauma therapist and trainer helping people transform their lives and careers. He is also the author of the book, The Science of Miracles.

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. What drew you to write your book, The Science of Miracle?
2. You recently wrote an article about being “a loving but emotionally incompetent man.” Could you please explain what you mean?
3. What were your boarding school experiences like?
4. Could you please speak about your experiences of being a medical doctor in the UK?
5. What is compassionate healthcare?
6. What made you leave the medical system? 
7. Could you please talk us through the work you do now and the Havening technique?
8. Other areas to talk about:

• Bullying
• Abandonment
• The healing journey from childhood trauma
• Dissociation
• Humiliation

For more information about Robin's work please visit: https://robinyoungson.com/

Or to buy his book: https://amzn.eu/d/4hg6xRl

The short film documentary about his work and the amazing results of Havening was just released yesterday. You can view it here:  https://vimeo.com/1084078465

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

 Some sad news... one of the leading voices in the Boarding School Syndrome world, Prof Joy Schaverien, died last week. 

She was such a caring, compassionate and wise woman. 

I found her to be so supportive of the work I and many others did including the documentary, Boarding On Insanity, my book and podcast. 

Today I talk about some of her teachings, and some of our meetings and interviews. 

Thank you for all that you brought to the world. 

Please find below an interview I did with her 4 years ago. 

https://youtu.be/dPn0TtWF99E 

And a link to her book Boarding School Syndrome: https://amzn.eu/d/0jy2534 #joyschaverien #boardingschool #boardingschoolsyndrome 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

 Last week in the local UK elections the Conservatives did really poorly losing hundreds of seats. 

In the words of former Tory minister, Rory Stewart, is the Tory party collapsing? 

Today I wanted to discuss this and see what links we could draw to boarding school. 

With such high numbers of the Tory party being educated in Public Schools could their education be impacting their leadership? 

Take care, Piers 

#torycollapse #tories #boardingschool #boardingoninsanity 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/