Why do some of our political, business, and societal leaders seem to have such disdain and in some cases almost hatred for the everyday person?

Where might these attitudes come from?

Where does the sense of entitlement, and even looking down on those that they serve arise from?

I was reading Jeremy Paxman's autobiography A Life in Questions last night. 

I came across a passage where he talks about his prep boarding school.

He sees the headmaster's son set light to the moors. Once the police come the son blames the local “teddy” boys 'who were blamed for just about everything that went wrong in the school.'

As George Orwell wrote in The Road to Wigan Pier: 'Common people seemed almost subhuman.'

In today's video I share about some of my own similar experiences at boarding school. 

How we looked down upon the porters, the cleaners and saw them as less than human.

I also talk about Nick Duffell from Wounded Leaders asking: 'Could it be that the British working class as an entire group have been suffering from projective identification from the upper classes?'

'Have they been standing in for the stupid, messy, incompetent children the latter wish to distance themselves from in their own collective psyche?'

I also share some of Richard Beard's thoughts from Sad Little Men.

#workingclass #disdain #leaders

Take care,

Piers

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

What is love addiction also known as limerence? 

And what is intergenerational trauma? How does that pass from generation to generation?

Today I am speaking with a psychotherapist who originally trained as a medical doctor.

His speciality is working with people around relationships and limerence.

Today he shares his journey at boarding school and how he ran away, never to come back.

He also talks about his father's experiences of the Nazi concentration camps and how this trans-generational trauma was passed onto him.

He talks about how we can start to heal from love addictions.

Really fascinating. Thank you David.

---

Dr. David Perl originally qualified as a medical practitioner from St. Thomas’ Hospital, London in 1984. He then went on to create and develop docleaf one of the UK’s most successful crisis management consultancies.He holds qualifications in Leadership Coaching and is a qualified psychotherapist and is experienced in hypnotherapy and NLP. 

Questions for Dr Perl:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. I would love for you to talk a little about your boarding school experiences. What happened?
3. I would love for you to speak to intergenerational trauma. What is it and how does it impact people?
4. Could you please speak to limerence. What is it? How is it linked to childhood trauma? How do we heal from limerence?
5. Could you please talk about relationships? What are some of the most common problems that you see when you are working with couples?
6. How do people find out more about your work?
7. Other areas to talk about:

• Emotional benign neglect
• Parenting and Daniel Mac
• All trauma is relational
• Leadership
• Attachment theory, trauma and boarding school

To find out more about Dr Perl's work: https://themarriedtherapists.com/

Or here: https://limerence.net/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

What was it like to go to boarding school at age 7?

And how did that impact my guest's adult life?

From addictions, to breakdown and then path of recovery to finding purpose, my guest today shares his own journey. 

In today's episode I am speaking with Chris Braitch who is the director of the not for profit, Seen & Heard, which supports the emotional wellbeing of past pupils of boarding and independant schools.

He talks about his boarding school years: bullying, dissociation, and trauma.

And he shares how he recovered and how he has now found purpose in life.

A very inspiring and heart-felt episode.

---

Chris Braitch is a father of 3 first and foremost. He is also a 1-2-1 and organisational coach, speaker, and founding director of the not for profit Seen & Heard. Seen & Heard supports the emotional well being of ex-pupils of boarding and independent day schools, and their families.  Chris has found his calling supporting others on their journey to healing and joy, utilising his diverse life experiences, and professional skills learned over a 20-year career in sales, marketing, and management at some of the world’s largest food companies.

Questions for Chris:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. I would love for you to share some of your boarding journey. What was it like?
3. Could you please share your path of healing? What things have you tried and what really worked for you?
4. You have worked with me for a couple of years. How has that experience been?
5. You are part of the charity Seen and Heard. What do you do and what is your mission?
6. You were part of the Coming Home retreat as part of the documentary. How was that for you?
7. What is next for you?
8. How do people find out more about you?

For more infromation about Seen and Heard please visit: https://seenheard.org.uk/

To find out more about Chris' one to one work: https://growthwave.uk/

#childhoodtrauma #booardingschoolsyndrome #seen&heard #trauma #healingtrauma

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

 Today I wanted to share some of the experiences of John F Kennedy at boarding school. 

I share from his biography called Kennedy, An Unfinished Life. 

Kennedy went to boarding school from age 13 to Canterbury in the US.

And then age 14 he went to Choate School. 

I share his experiences of homesickness, being a rebel and being close to being expelled and having a family which had very high expectations of him. 

I also talk about some of the illnesses he struggled with at boarding school. 

Taken from the biography by Robert Dallek called Kennedy, An Unfiinished Life: https://amzn.eu/d/61Zn6DL 

Take care, Piers 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

At just 13-years-old, Connor was burned over 90% of his body with third degree burns and given less than a 1% chance of survival after a backyard explosion. After three months in a medically induced coma, nearly two years of painful rehabilitation, and more than 100 surgeries over a decade, Connor emerged triumphantly; not only to walk again, but to live his best life. 

Despite his physical and emotional trauma, Connor went on to pursue his dreams of playing Division I lacrosse and then worked as a lacrosse coach for an elite program. His deep passion for sports and coaching youth inspired him to create the “MAC Mentality”, his approach in navigating life confidently and authentically. Connor is now a motivational speaker and published author of the book “Life Ignited: A Hopeful Journey, Sparked By Fire”. 

Questions for Connor:

1. I would love for you to share your journey. It sounds heart-breaking and inspiring. What happened?
2. What was your personal experience of navigating life after your accident?
3. For people who have been through challenging childhoods, what advice would you share?
4. If you were to teach a class on overcoming childhood trauma what would you teach?
5. How did you develop mental resilience?
6. What is the Mac Mentality?
7. Could you please talk about courage. How do we cultivate it?
8. What advice could you share share on how to maintain confidence?
9. Many teenagers seem to be struggling at the moment with their mental and emotional health, what advice would you give them?
10. How has your approach to life has changed the lives of many? 
11. How do people find out more about you?

To reach out to Connor or to learn more: https://macmentality.com/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

What are the 5 basic components of great leadership? 

Last week I talked about why boarding school doesn't create good leaders drawing upon the work of Nick Duffell's Wounded Leaders and Kouzes and Posner's The Leadership Challenge: https://youtu.be/VNMQpTyO1h8 

Today I wanted to explore the work of Warren Benis in his book on Becoming A Leader. 

What are the 5 key ingredients that all good leaders have? 

I also share some of the work of Simon Sinek in his book Leaders Eat Last. 

What helps you become a great leader? 

Warm regards, Piers 

#leadershipdevelopment #leadership #warrenbenis #simonsinek 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

A fascinating discussion today with an ER medical doctor about her time in boarding school and how that affected her mental health. 

She shares how she spent time in mental hospitals and was tried on 35 different medications.

Eventually she was given brain surgery for her depression.

She talks about the impact trauma had on her and the path of healing.

A very inspiring and heart breaking story.

---

Cathy Wield was born into a British Diplomatic Service family in India in 1959. She spent most of her childhood overseas in different locations until she commenced training to become a doctor in London, UK. 

Most of her medical career was spent as an Emergency Physician with a short period working as a Psychiatrist. She started her post graduate training late, having decided to make family a priority, but this was interrupted twice by depression. The first episode was prolonged and severe and culminated in brain surgery. Her sudden, complete and miraculous recovery astonished the medical profession and is documented in her first book, Life After Darkness (Radcliffe 2006).

But in fact that was not the end of it, and within a year of publication she was re-admitted to a mental hospital during another emotional crisis. It is from this point on that she started to question her psychiatric treatment and look at the real reasons behind her mental health problems. The sequel and re-write to the first memoir: 

 ‘Unshackled Mind; a doctor’s journey of trauma, liberation & healing’ will be published in February 2025, and available for pre-order from The Book Guild this autumn. 

Questions for Cathy:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please talk us through your boarding school experiences. How were they for you?
3. Could you please talk to your experiences of psychiatry? What happened?
4. Could you please talk about emotional neglect. Why do you feel boarding school is emotional neglect?
5. Other areas to talk about:

• Severe depression
• The link between mental health and trauma
• Mental health in this country
• Self-harm and suicide
• The path of recovery
• The experience of the Coming Home retreat
• Your experiences with the church as outlined in Thorn in my Mind

For more information please visit: https://cathywield.com/

To purchase her books: https://amzn.eu/d/7kH174Z

And a powerful article about her journey with mental health: https://www.madintheuk.com/2021/11/labels-that-stick/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Today I draw upon the work of leadership experts James Kouzes and Barry Posner in their book The Leadership Challenge and Nick Duffell in his book Wounded Leaders. 

What are 5 reasons according to science that those who go to boarding school make bad leaders? 

Based on the article by Nick Duffell in the Guardian in 2014: https://www.theguardian.com/education/2014/jun/09/boarding-schools-bad-leaders-politicians-bullies-bumblers 

I talk about the lack of love, emotional intelligence, flexibility of the brain, not being able to interpret facial signals and others. 

Any questions please do let me know. 

#leadershipdevelopment #leaders #boardingschoolsyndrome #boardingschool 

Warm regards, 

Piers 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

What is emotional neglect? And how might that link to boarding schools?

Today I am speaking with psychotherapist and author, Graham Music, who attended boarding school from age 9.

He talks about what trauma is, dissociation and neglect.

And he dives deep into emotional neglect. What is it and how might it show up in a boarding school setting? Why might neglect go unnoticed?

---

Graham Music is a psychotherapist, trainer, author and supervisor. He is a Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist at the Tavistock Centre where he has worked for over 20 years, and he has been an adult Psychotherapist for about 35 years. He supervises and teaches nationally and internationally and has a particular interest in linking cutting-edge developmental findings with therapeutic practice.

Formerly Associate Clinical Director of the Tavistock Clinic’s Child and Family Department, he has developed many innovative programs, including setting up services in over 40 schools and a range of services working with the aftermath of child maltreatment and neglect. His clinical specialty for decades been understanding and working with trauma. 

#neglect #emotionalneglect #boardingschoolsyndrome #boardingschool

Some questions for Graham:

1. I would love for you to share about how you got into the work you now do?
2. I would love to hear about your boarding school experiences
3. How can we re-spark hope and joy after being through trauma?
4. Your thoughts on dissociation
5. The importance of emotional development. What happens to a child when we are not emotionally nurtured?
6. Your thoughts on neglect - what it is and how does it impact children?
7. Could you please speak to emotional neglect. Why is it so damanging?
8. The importance of the body in therapeutic work. The work of Wilhelm Reich and somatic healing.
9. Anger and trauma. What to do when anger starts to arise in us. Why is that a hopeful sign?
10. How do we cultivate resilience?
11. How to people learn more about you?

To find out more about Graham and his work: http://www.nurturingnatures.co.uk/

sign-up for newsletter https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/sign-up/

twitter  @grahammusic1

linkedin www.linkedin.com/in/

Books https://amzn.eu/d/c5hNFtg 

Journal articles https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/publications/journals/ 

Book chapters https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/publications/book-chapters/ 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

I often hear from people who went to boarding school – “Nothing happened to me.”

What they mean is that they weren't abused, beaten or sexually abused.

I then ask, did you see or hear beatings, violence, bullying or abuse?

Most reply, yes.

So the research around mirror neurons is now showing that the person who witnesses violence whether that be at home or at school will feel it, mirror it in their own brains.

Today I draw upon the work of psychiatrists, Dr Judith Herman in her book Trauma and Recovery, Dr Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps The Score and Dr Paul Miller.

What are mirror neurons?

What happens to us when we witness other people being hurt?

I also quote from Boris Johnson's biography, Just Boris by Sonia Purnell about he felt when he heard younger boys being beaten at his boarding school Ashdown House and David Cameron's For The Record.

#mirrorneurons #boardingschooltrauma #boardingschool #childhoodtrauma

Take care,

Piers

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/