An Evolving Man Podcast

Why do so many ex-boarders struggle with decision-making — especially in senior leadership, relationships, and life?

In this reflective solo episode, I explore how boarding school conditioning shapes our ability to think independently, trust intuition, and make decisions without fear of rejection or punishment.

Drawing on the work of Nick Duffell, I unpack the three core survival patterns often seen in ex-boarders — the Complier, the Rebel, and the Crushed — and how each one impacts confidence, intuition, and leadership.

We explore:

• Why decision-making feels easier in middle management but overwhelming at the top
• How humiliation, conformity, and peer policing suppress independent thought
• Why intuition is essential for good decisions — and how boarding school disconnects us from it
• The role of dissociation, overthinking, and perfectionism
• How to rebuild embodied decision-making through nervous system awareness

Referencing insights from Jim Collins, Antonio Damasio, and Alex Ferguson, this episode brings together leadership research, neuroscience, and lived experience.

Decision-making isn’t just cognitive.
 It’s emotional, embodied, and relational.

If you grew up being told what to think, when to act, and how to fit in — this episode is an invitation to reconnect with your inner authority and begin deciding from a place of self-trust.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this powerful episode of An Evolving Man, Piers Cross speaks with Jon Wedger (also widely known as John Wedger) — former Metropolitan Police detective and leading UK whistleblower on institutional child sexual abuse and safeguarding failures.

Jon shares what he witnessed while working in specialist units, including child protection, and why he believes abuse is too often protected by silence, status, and institutional self-preservation. He reflects on the cost of speaking out, the long shadow trauma casts over survivors’ lives, and the urgent need for accountability that leads to real-world change.

This conversation is released ahead of the House of Commons screening on Monday 19 January 2026, focused on mandatory reporting and stronger child protection structures.

Content note: This episode discusses child sexual abuse and institutional failures. Please listen with care.

Key themes:

• How systems of silence form inside institutions
• Why justice is central to healing for survivors
• Trauma, dissociation, emotional dysregulation, and survival adaptations
• What reform could actually look like: accountability, transparency, and effective safeguarding
• Practical steps: reporting, recording, contacting MPs, and applying pressure for change

To explore Jon’s public work, visit: https://www.jonwedger.org/

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this short reflection recorded outside the House of Commons, Piers Cross shares a deeply personal moment before screening a documentary on institutional harm and child protection.

He explores:

• The fear of speaking up
• How trauma can wire us to avoid, hide, or run
• The shift from threat response to challenge response
• Why embracing discomfort can improve performance, resilience, and even longevity

Referencing research by Elizabeth Blackburn and Kelly McGonigal, this episode is a reminder that meaningful change often begins at the edge of fear — when we choose to stay, speak, and move forward anyway.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man, Piers speaks with Kara Blackmore — a trauma-informed coach specialising in the long-term emotional and nervous system impacts of boarding school experiences, especially for women.

Kara shares her personal story: choosing boarding school at age 10, the shock of early separation, and the reality of living in an environment with minimal adult supervision, rigid control, and peer-led power dynamics. Together, Piers and Kara explore how emotional neglect and chronic stress can shape adulthood — from hyper-independence and people-pleasing to perfectionism, difficulty resting, and challenges with intimacy, trust, and receiving support.

This conversation is honest, powerful, and at times harrowing — but it also offers hope. Kara speaks about the healing journey: awareness, learning emotional language, inner child work, nervous system safety, and building a life that makes your “soul sing.”

Key themes include:

• “I chose to go” and why childhood “choice” isn’t true consent
• emotional neglect, lack of nurturing, and chronic loneliness
• puberty, privacy, and missing maternal support
• perfectionism/control as a survival strategy
• why ex-boarders struggle to rest, receive, and ask for help
• healing through awareness, compassion, and nervous system repair

Find Kara: https://karablackmorecoach.com/
https://www.facebook.com/kara.thompson.589

https://www.instagram.com/kara__blackmore_coach/ 

If you found this episode meaningful, please share it — these stories stay hidden for decades, and speaking them is how change happens.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode, Piers explores the concept of moral injury and asks whether boarding school environments can create a deep, values-based psychological wound in children.

Moral injury occurs when someone is forced to act against, witness, or remain silent in the face of behaviour that violates their inner moral values. Unlike PTSD, which is fear-based, moral injury is rooted in guilt, shame, loss of integrity, and betrayal of self.

Drawing on lived experience, survivor stories, and trauma-informed perspectives, this episode explores how institutional environments override a child’s moral compass — forcing silence, complicity, and self-betrayal as survival strategies.

Topics include:

• Moral injury vs PTSD
• Boarding school as an ethical conflict for children
• Witnessing abuse and being unable to intervene
• Dissociation and loss of authenticity
• Long-term impacts on mental health, leadership, and relationships
• Pathways to healing through truth-telling, moral coherence, and self-compassion

This episode is especially relevant for former boarders, educators, clinicians, leaders, and anyone interested in trauma-informed leadership and child protection.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Here is the link to reach out to your MP for the screening in the House of Commons: https://seenheard.org.uk/boarding-on-insanity-parliamentary-screening/

In this New Year reflection episode, I share an update on the upcoming House of Commons screening of Boarding on Insanity and explore a powerful insight that emerged for me over Christmas while watching the Ashes series.

Why does England’s cricket team — full of talent — so often struggle under pressure?

Drawing on research from the Sutton Trust, Nick Duffell’s Wounded Leaders, and trauma experts including Judith Herman, Peter Levine, and Bessel van der Kolk, I explore how early boarding school experiences shape the nervous system — particularly our ability to regulate stress.

We discuss:

• why many former boarders struggle to access the parasympathetic “rest and digest” state
• how dissociation works under pressure — and why it eventually fails
• why England’s performance improved once the pressure of winning was removed
• how unresolved childhood stress shows up in leadership, sport, and public life

I also share a simple nervous system regulation practice I use personally and with clients — helping leaders move from chronic stress into safety, embodiment, and clarity.

This episode connects leadership, sport, trauma, and child development — and asks what might be possible if we became a trauma-informed society.

📌 House of Commons Screening – 19 January
Please contact your MP and support the call for mandatory reporting and improved child protection.

Thank you for listening, and for being part of this movement.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

This week I rewatched Home Alone — and realised it can be viewed as a surprisingly powerful study of child development, attachment, and the psychology of separation.

Kevin is eight years old — an age that matters deeply in the UK context, because it has historically been an age when many children began boarding school. In this short reflection, I explore key moments in the film through a boarding-school lens, drawing on the work of Joy Schaverien and Nick Duffell.

We reflect on:

• why “not knowing the basics” at eight is development — not failure
• the confusion children experience when we warn them about strangers, then send them to live with strangers
• the mother’s panic response and what it reveals about attachment
• rupture and repair — and why apology matters
• why many ex-boarders don’t tell their parents what really happened

A gentle, thoughtful Christmas reflection — and a question for all of us:
 What kind of childhood are we protecting… and what kind are we cutting short?

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this reflective episode, Piers Cross explores boarding school, the mother wound, and the lasting impact of early separation from parents — particularly as Christmas approaches.

Inspired by a powerful public conversation between Amelia White and her mother, Piers reflects on how boarding school disrupts natural attachment, prevents rupture and repair, and often leaves relationships with parents — especially mothers — emotionally distant.

Drawing on personal experience, clinical insight, and the work of Nick Duffell, Joy Schaverien, Suzanne Zeedyk, and Alex Renton, this episode explores why so many former boarders live far from home, struggle to trust caregivers, and carry grief that is rarely named.

This is a compassionate, trauma-informed exploration of loss, responsibility, listening, and healing — and an invitation to reflect more deeply during the holiday season.

For the conversation between Amelia and her mother: https://youtu.be/ZofjtmiMidw?si=uyEKeRDT-WrAUQj- 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 For the article in the Telegraph: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/education-and-careers/2025/12/03/working-at-a-boarding-school-is-like-being-in-a-cult/ 

And for the letter to write to your MP: https://seenheard.org.uk/boarding-on-insanity-parliamentary-screening/ 

In this short solo episode, I share an update and a heartfelt thank you.

On 19th January 2026, we’ll be hosting a special screening of our documentary Boarding on Insanity inside the House of Commons. We’re inviting MPs, charity leaders and the media to confront an uncomfortable truth:

In this episode I talk about:

• Why this screening matters so much
• The urgent need for effective mandatory reporting
• Why a dedicated Child Protection Agency is essential
• How institutions often close ranks and punish whistleblowers
• What you can do today to help protect children

👉 Please contact your MP.
A simple template letter and guidance on how to find your MP are available via the link in the show notes. It only takes a few minutes and it genuinely makes a difference to how many MPs show up in January.  https://seenheard.org.uk/boarding-on-insanity-parliamentary-screening/  

Thank you for your support, your courage, and your willingness to stand with survivors. Together, we can change this.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast (AEM #146), I speak with Ian Keys, an ex-boarder, youth worker and newly qualified counsellor, about what really happens when neurodiverse children move through a schooling system that doesn’t understand them.

Ian started boarding school at 11 and left with no qualifications, convinced he was “thick”. Decades later, after working with excluded teenagers, forest school groups, neurodivergent young people and national-level athletes, he began to see the truth: the problem was never his intelligence – it was the environment.

Together we explore:

• How dyslexia and neurodiversity show up in the classroom – and how easily they are misread
• Boarding school syndrome, dissociation and the survival strategies children develop
• The idea of Adverse School Experiences (ASEs) and how they sit alongside ACEs
• Shaming practices (like “being sent to Coventry”) and their long-term impact on self-worth
• What Scandinavian education offers as a different model: attachment, play, nature and trust
• Practical ways adults can begin to heal and “rewrite the story” after harmful schooling

This episode is for ex-boarders, neurodivergent adults, therapists, teachers, parents – and anyone who suspects that school left deeper marks than they realised.

🔗 Find out more about Ian’s work and writing on adverse school experiences via his website  http://www.iankeys.co.uk/ 

If this conversation resonates, please share it with someone who might need to hear it.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/