Why do so many ex-boarders struggle with decision-making — especially in senior leadership, relationships, and life?

In this reflective solo episode, I explore how boarding school conditioning shapes our ability to think independently, trust intuition, and make decisions without fear of rejection or punishment.

Drawing on the work of Nick Duffell, I unpack the three core survival patterns often seen in ex-boarders — the Complier, the Rebel, and the Crushed — and how each one impacts confidence, intuition, and leadership.

We explore:

• Why decision-making feels easier in middle management but overwhelming at the top
• How humiliation, conformity, and peer policing suppress independent thought
• Why intuition is essential for good decisions — and how boarding school disconnects us from it
• The role of dissociation, overthinking, and perfectionism
• How to rebuild embodied decision-making through nervous system awareness

Referencing insights from Jim Collins, Antonio Damasio, and Alex Ferguson, this episode brings together leadership research, neuroscience, and lived experience.

Decision-making isn’t just cognitive.
 It’s emotional, embodied, and relational.

If you grew up being told what to think, when to act, and how to fit in — this episode is an invitation to reconnect with your inner authority and begin deciding from a place of self-trust.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/