An Evolving Man Podcast

What happens when a generation of children are raised to fear softness, sensitivity, and touch?

In this solo reflection, I look at the unspoken culture of homophobia and repression in boarding schools — where words like “you’re gay” became weapons of humiliation. Drawing from Boarding School Syndrome by Joy Schaverien, Trauma, Abandonment & Privilege by Nick Duffell, and reflections from Stephen Fry, I explore how this culture shaped our sense of identity, sexuality, and emotional expression.

This conversation isn’t about sexuality alone — it’s about how we learned to disconnect from the lover within and how healing means bringing that energy back to life.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

What happens when the patterns of boarding school shape the boardroom?

In this episode, I speak with Collette Easton — former CEO, executive coach, and author of Manager. Collette shares her journey from boarding school and the RAF, to building digital businesses, and now helping leaders overcome toxic patterns that hold them back.

We discuss:

• The impact of boarding school on leadership styles
• Why some CEOs unconsciously recreate authoritarian environments
• The difference between “managing” and leading with compassion
• How psychological safety and EQ fuel business growth
• Practical steps to shift out of stress, defensiveness, and finger-pointing

If you’ve ever wondered why so many leaders struggle with empathy — or how to build healthier organizations — this conversation will give you tools, hope, and fresh perspective.

📘 Download Collette’s book Manager for free: Download Collette’s book Manager here: https://zokri.com/manager 

Connect with Collette on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coletteeaston 

To buy her new book: https://amzn.eu/d/gPnkmdy

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

Do boarding schools create fixed mindset thinkers or growth mindset leaders? In this episode, I explore Carol Dweck’s research on Mindset and connect it with my experiences — and those of many clients — who came through the boarding school system.

We unpack the core differences between fixed and growth mindsets, look at how school culture fosters one or the other, and explore practical ways to shift into growth. From Usain Bolt’s relentless training to Angela Merkel’s willingness to admit mistakes, we see that effort and resilience — not innate talent — drive true success.

Join me as I share insights, stories, and reflections on how mindset impacts leadership, healing, and the way we live.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In episode 141 of An Evolving Man Podcast, I’m joined by Anthony Abbagnano, founder of Alchemy of Breath.

Anthony shares his deeply personal story of childhood trauma, boarding school experiences, and how an encounter with breathwork as a child shaped the course of his life. Today, he’s one of the world’s leading voices in conscious breathwork, with facilitators trained in more than 70 countries.

We dive into:

• Breath as a tool for healing trauma and reclaiming choice
• Masculinity, chaos, and how men can step into authentic leadership
• Simple practices like coherence breathing to restore calm and resilience
• The link between breath, spirituality, and transformation
• Why acts of kindness and presence can change the world

This conversation is both moving and practical — a reminder that healing is possible, and the breath is always available to guide us home.

👉 Explore Anthony’s work at https://alchemyofbreath.com

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man Podcast, I share reflections on the power of breathwork and how it helps us heal from trauma.

Drawing on insights from my recent interview with Anthony Abbagnano (founder of Alchemy of Breath), as well as the work of Bessel van der Kolk and Emma Seppälä, I explore:

• Why trauma often causes us to hold or restrict the breath
• How different breathing patterns affect emotions like calm, stress, or anger
• The practice of coherence breathing (5 in, 5 out) for daily regulation
• Personal experiences of using breath to move out of fight-or-flight states
• Why nasal breathing is key for nervous system balance

Breath is always available to us. With awareness and practice, it becomes a rapid pathway to restore calm, regulate emotions, and reconnect with ourselves.

👉 Link to my conversation with Anthony Abbagnano (live on Friday - https://youtu.be/nN8FQLPNs-U).

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode, I sit down with Kalyani Pardeshi, award-winning author, TEDx speaker, and anti-bullying advocate. Kalyani draws from her own boarding school experiences and her years of work with children, adults, and organisations to explain why traditional anti-bullying strategies often fail — and how the unconscious brain holds the key to real change.

We explore the painful reality of bullying, the long-term effects of self-bullying and overachievement, and how these patterns often lead to burnout. Kalyani also shares her framework for identifying intangible drivers — the unique motivators that help us live with greater fulfilment and emotional resilience.

This is an episode full of honesty, practical tools, and hope for those looking to break free from old wounds and the inner critic.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

 For the interview with Kalyani Pardeshi: https://youtu.be/iBXcs5i4zyg 

For the interview with Nicky Moxey and Dr Linda Devereux: 

https://youtu.be/oJNHoex41-Q For the interview with Sara Warner and Karen Macmillan:

https://youtu.be/VXAHJucCGsY 

For the interview with Amelia White: 

https://youtu.be/08WbNwen_SA 

For the interview with Joanna Brittan: https://youtu.be/MJknonuf4Sw 

For Karen Wilson's book: https://amzn.eu/d/9Z4gqUv 

In this solo reflection, I look at the distinct experiences of girls at boarding school and how they differ from boys’. Drawing on survivor interviews and books such as Stolen Childhood by Karen Wilson, I explore how discipline, shame, and control were used to mould girls into compliant “ladies,” while boys were prepared for leadership.

We discuss:

• Bullying and shaming rituals used against girls
• The policing of uniforms, bodies, and food
• The absence of role models during puberty and adolescence
• Long-term impacts on identity, confidence, and relationships
• Survival strategies of girls vs boys
• Why survivors’ stories — from Kate Middleton’s Down House days to modern accounts — still matter today

This episode is both a witness and a call: to keep these conversations alive, to challenge the culture of silence, and to acknowledge the wounds still carried by so many women.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode of An Evolving Man, I speak with Françoise Elvin, counsellor, mentor, facilitator, and author of Uneldered. We discuss:

• Secure vs insecure attachment — and how it shapes our adult lives
• Trauma as “undigested experience” and the importance of integration
• Why elders and initiatory practices are vital for healthy societies
• The balance of masculine (yang) and feminine (yin) initiation
• Her upcoming project: the Sovereignty School
• The role of nature, meditation, and presence in healing

Françoise shares her journey from Zen practice in her 20s to her current work in counselling and mentoring, offering wisdom on how to move from fragmentation into wholeness.

🔗 Connect with Françoise: https://elephant.intheroom.is

Françoise Elvin is a highly experienced Counsellor, Mentor, Facilitator and Author who has spenta lifetimeexploring the body-mind-spirit connection.  She began her journey into holistic well-being by immersing herself in yoga, meditation, and nature over 30 years ago. 

 In 2024 she published ‘UnEldered’, a non-fiction work exploring, amongst other things, the role of Elders in traditional culture and the impact of their absence from modern society.  In the counselling room her specialisms include reframing disabling narratives through the power of deep listening.  She uses parts work and a person-centred approach.  Many of her clients suffer from Complex PTSD (trauma), ADHD, sex and intimacy issues and narcissistic abuse. Her work is body-based and somatic, embracing attachment and polyvagal theories.  

Francoise is also a mother and grandmother.  Her aspiration to become a modern-day Elder is prompting her to establish an Intergenerational Sovereignty School in south Devon.  You can reach her at Elephant.intherooom.is to enquire about sessions and copies of her book (also on Amazon).  She welcomes collaborators and guest teachers to develop the curriculum for the Sovereignty School.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this solo episode, I explore one of the deepest wounds many ex-boarders carry: “I’m not good enough.”

We look at:

• Why this belief develops in boarding school environments
• The double bind that places blame inward on the child
• How it manifests later in life as burnout, addiction, or perfectionism
• The role of attachment in buffering or amplifying trauma
• Practical ways to reframe self-talk, celebrate achievements, and parent ourselves

If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough — or noticed this pattern in leaders, colleagues, or loved ones — this episode offers insights and practices to shift from self-criticism to self-compassion.

✨ New episodes every week on psychology, child development, and boarding school syndrome.

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/ 

In this episode, I sit down with Paul Sunderland, an internationally respected addiction specialist and trainer. With decades of clinical experience on both sides of the Atlantic, Paul has become a leading voice on the often-hidden connection between complex PTSD, adoption, boarding school trauma, and addiction.

We explore:

• Paul’s personal story of addiction and recovery.
• Why early separation wounds are disguised traumas that shape lifelong patterns.
• The link between complex PTSD and addiction as an adaptive response.
• Why boarding school syndrome should be understood as a form of complex PTSD.
• Pathways to healing — from psychoeducation to co-regulation and trauma therapies.

Paul’s work is a reminder that beneath the pain of addiction often lies unacknowledged trauma — and that recovery is not about fixing overnight, but about finding safety, connection, and growth.

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Paul Sunderland is a renowned addiction specialist, consultant and trainer.

With over 35 years of experience, Paul’s ground-breaking work has especially illuminated the deep and often-overlooked links between adoption, trauma, and addictions. His powerful presentations available on YouTube have resonated with thousands around the world.

Questions for Paul:

1. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please talk me through Complex PTSD – what is it and how does it differ from PTSD?
3. Could you please talk about addictions. Why is addiction an adaptive response to complex PTSD?
4. How do addictions migrate?
5. Could you please speak to the disguised trauma of early boarders?
6. Could you also please speak to how adoptees are over represented in addiction treatment?
7. What are some of the techniques that you use for helping people recover from complex PTSD and addictions?
8. Could please speak to how mental and emotional health are relational?
9. How do people find out more about your work?

For Paul's TED X talk: https://youtu.be/liCfwTFUYNw?si=uYDWXQrO077TTVh7

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems. 

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man. 

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1 

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross 

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic 

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community 

Many blessings, 

Piers Cross 

http://piers-cross.com/