What are the 5 basic components of great leadership? 

Last week I talked about why boarding school doesn't create good leaders drawing upon the work of Nick Duffell's Wounded Leaders and Kouzes and Posner's The Leadership Challenge: https://youtu.be/VNMQpTyO1h8 

Today I wanted to explore the work of Warren Benis in his book on Becoming A Leader. 

What are the 5 key ingredients that all good leaders have? 

I also share some of the work of Simon Sinek in his book Leaders Eat Last. 

What helps you become a great leader? 

Warm regards, Piers 

#leadershipdevelopment #leadership #warrenbenis #simonsinek 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

A fascinating discussion today with an ER medical doctor about her time in boarding school and how that affected her mental health. 

She shares how she spent time in mental hospitals and was tried on 35 different medications.

Eventually she was given brain surgery for her depression.

She talks about the impact trauma had on her and the path of healing.

A very inspiring and heart breaking story.

---

Cathy Wield was born into a British Diplomatic Service family in India in 1959. She spent most of her childhood overseas in different locations until she commenced training to become a doctor in London, UK. 

Most of her medical career was spent as an Emergency Physician with a short period working as a Psychiatrist. She started her post graduate training late, having decided to make family a priority, but this was interrupted twice by depression. The first episode was prolonged and severe and culminated in brain surgery. Her sudden, complete and miraculous recovery astonished the medical profession and is documented in her first book, Life After Darkness (Radcliffe 2006).

But in fact that was not the end of it, and within a year of publication she was re-admitted to a mental hospital during another emotional crisis. It is from this point on that she started to question her psychiatric treatment and look at the real reasons behind her mental health problems. The sequel and re-write to the first memoir: 

 ‘Unshackled Mind; a doctor’s journey of trauma, liberation & healing’ will be published in February 2025, and available for pre-order from The Book Guild this autumn. 

Questions for Cathy:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. How did you get into the work you now do?
2. Could you please talk us through your boarding school experiences. How were they for you?
3. Could you please talk to your experiences of psychiatry? What happened?
4. Could you please talk about emotional neglect. Why do you feel boarding school is emotional neglect?
5. Other areas to talk about:

• Severe depression
• The link between mental health and trauma
• Mental health in this country
• Self-harm and suicide
• The path of recovery
• The experience of the Coming Home retreat
• Your experiences with the church as outlined in Thorn in my Mind

For more information please visit: https://cathywield.com/

To purchase her books: https://amzn.eu/d/7kH174Z

And a powerful article about her journey with mental health: https://www.madintheuk.com/2021/11/labels-that-stick/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Today I draw upon the work of leadership experts James Kouzes and Barry Posner in their book The Leadership Challenge and Nick Duffell in his book Wounded Leaders. 

What are 5 reasons according to science that those who go to boarding school make bad leaders? 

Based on the article by Nick Duffell in the Guardian in 2014: https://www.theguardian.com/education/2014/jun/09/boarding-schools-bad-leaders-politicians-bullies-bumblers 

I talk about the lack of love, emotional intelligence, flexibility of the brain, not being able to interpret facial signals and others. 

Any questions please do let me know. 

#leadershipdevelopment #leaders #boardingschoolsyndrome #boardingschool 

Warm regards, 

Piers 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

What is emotional neglect? And how might that link to boarding schools?

Today I am speaking with psychotherapist and author, Graham Music, who attended boarding school from age 9.

He talks about what trauma is, dissociation and neglect.

And he dives deep into emotional neglect. What is it and how might it show up in a boarding school setting? Why might neglect go unnoticed?

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Graham Music is a psychotherapist, trainer, author and supervisor. He is a Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist at the Tavistock Centre where he has worked for over 20 years, and he has been an adult Psychotherapist for about 35 years. He supervises and teaches nationally and internationally and has a particular interest in linking cutting-edge developmental findings with therapeutic practice.

Formerly Associate Clinical Director of the Tavistock Clinic’s Child and Family Department, he has developed many innovative programs, including setting up services in over 40 schools and a range of services working with the aftermath of child maltreatment and neglect. His clinical specialty for decades been understanding and working with trauma. 

#neglect #emotionalneglect #boardingschoolsyndrome #boardingschool

Some questions for Graham:

1. I would love for you to share about how you got into the work you now do?
2. I would love to hear about your boarding school experiences
3. How can we re-spark hope and joy after being through trauma?
4. Your thoughts on dissociation
5. The importance of emotional development. What happens to a child when we are not emotionally nurtured?
6. Your thoughts on neglect - what it is and how does it impact children?
7. Could you please speak to emotional neglect. Why is it so damanging?
8. The importance of the body in therapeutic work. The work of Wilhelm Reich and somatic healing.
9. Anger and trauma. What to do when anger starts to arise in us. Why is that a hopeful sign?
10. How do we cultivate resilience?
11. How to people learn more about you?

To find out more about Graham and his work: http://www.nurturingnatures.co.uk/

sign-up for newsletter https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/sign-up/

twitter  @grahammusic1

linkedin www.linkedin.com/in/

Books https://amzn.eu/d/c5hNFtg 

Journal articles https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/publications/journals/ 

Book chapters https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/publications/book-chapters/ 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

I often hear from people who went to boarding school – “Nothing happened to me.”

What they mean is that they weren't abused, beaten or sexually abused.

I then ask, did you see or hear beatings, violence, bullying or abuse?

Most reply, yes.

So the research around mirror neurons is now showing that the person who witnesses violence whether that be at home or at school will feel it, mirror it in their own brains.

Today I draw upon the work of psychiatrists, Dr Judith Herman in her book Trauma and Recovery, Dr Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps The Score and Dr Paul Miller.

What are mirror neurons?

What happens to us when we witness other people being hurt?

I also quote from Boris Johnson's biography, Just Boris by Sonia Purnell about he felt when he heard younger boys being beaten at his boarding school Ashdown House and David Cameron's For The Record.

#mirrorneurons #boardingschooltrauma #boardingschool #childhoodtrauma

Take care,

Piers

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Is it possible to heal from childhood trauma?.

What if we had a really tough upbringing which included abuse, neglect and possibly even boarding school.

Can we heal?

What if we've tried everything but nothing is really working. 

What can we do?

In today's conversation I am speaking with the founder of Realm Theory, Roslyn Snyder.

We talk about her work helping those that have been through trauma heal.

A really engaging and thought-provoking conversation.

Thank you Roslyn.

---

RoslynSnyder is the creator of books, experiential trainings and a practising psychologist. After a career in applied medical science, Roslyn Snyder graduated with first class honours in psychology in 1995 focussed on psycho-neurobiology and psychometrics. In 2017 she published Realm Theory and is now in the process of operationalising Realm Theory.

Questions for Roslyn:

1. I would love for you to share some of your journey. What was your childhood like and how did that impact your line of work?
2. I would love for you to talk about realm theory. What is it?
3. Could you please speak to the path of healing. Can we heal? What is the path of healing?
4. I would love you to talk about the Aboriginal culture. How does it differ from the Western school of thought? What can we learn from them?
5. Other areas to talk about:

• Aboriginal boarding schools
• The Map
• Nature, place and purpose
• The nature of patterns
• The importance of elders
• The Aboriginal way of bringing up children
• Leadership – what you teach leaders

#childhoodtrauma #trauma #traumaandrecovery #recoveryfromtrauma

To find out more about Rosylyn's work: https://wisdominyourlife.com.au

Or here: https://roslynsnyder.com/

To connect with her on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/roslyn-snyder-5552a15b/

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Leaders and Burnout. What are the symptoms of burnout?

In my 20s, I had a breakdown and burnt out. I was working in London. 

I had a job in sales and essentially lost motivation and drive. 

I was selling big ticket items in the financial sector.

Some weeks I only sold one product a week. It felt exhausting.

Eventually it got so bad, I couldn't even get out of bed. 

So I went through a period of a few years of burnout. 

And I see in the work I do with my clients, a lot of my clients have come to me with burnout.

They're struggling. They are really chronically stressed. 

The common theme for my clients is that they also went to boarding school as well. 

And I find that this is a common overlap, this burnout for ex-boarders.

Why? We struggle to stop. 

So what are the symptoms according to Emma Seppala PhD in her book The Happiness Track?

• being cynical,
• critical at work, 
• dragging yourself to work, and having a hard time motivating yourself once there
• becoming irritable or impatient with colleagues or clients, 
• lacking the energy needed to be productive, 
• lacking satisfaction when you achieve something, 
• and feeling disillusioned with your work. 

Do you resonate with any of these?

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Why is group work so important for boarding school survivors on the path to recovery?

If being seen was dangerous as a child at these public schools why is it so helpful to be seen in a group setting as we heal?

Today Nick Duffell who is one of the founding voices in the Boarding School Survivors movement talks about group work.

He talks about why we heal in group settings and how the group dynamics works.

He explores the process of surviving at boarding schools and the process of how we learn to thrive again.

Our wounding came from a group so it makes sense that our healing can come from the same setting.

A fascinating podcast.

---

Nick Duffell is a psychotherapist and trainer in private practice who pioneered therapeutic work with ex-boarders and specialist training for psychotherapists. He is the author of The Making of Them, Trauma, Abandonment and Privilege and Wounded Leaders.

Questions for Nick

1. I would love for you to talk about the importance of group work
2. What is it about being in a group of 'survivors' be that boarding school, childhood trauma or addiction that helps us to heal?
3. What makes the BSS workshops so unique, powerful and effective?
4. Why we learn to survive at boarding schools? 
5. What might surviving look like as an adult?
6. How we start to thrive in our lives again?
7. Other areas to talk about:

• Dissociation
• Problems with intimacy
• Workaholism
• Addictions
• Why were boarding schools set up?
• What was the purpose of them?
• What is the link between boarding schools, and colonialism
• What is the impact of boarding school on children?
• How might a boarding school education show up in adult life?

       8. How do people find out more about your work? 

#nickduffell #boardingschoolsurvivors #boardingschoolsyndrome #workshops #groupwork

To book on one of Nick's workshops (Men's Workshop September 2024/ Women's October 2024): https://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk/events-and-workshops/

For more information please visit: https://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk/ 

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Today I wanted to talk about a recent conversation I had with Nick Duffell the author of Wounded LEaders and The Making of Them.

Nick has been running group workshops for many years. https://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk/events-and-workshops/

He first began offering these 4 day workshops in 1989/90 and has run them every year since.

He offers them for both men and women.

Today I talk about the importance of group work.

I talk about the men’s circles that I run and the benefits I have found from attending these groups.

I share some of the beliefs that we might carry post boarding school - ‘there’s something wrong with me,’ or ‘I’m the only one.’

Because we never share and we never speak to others about what happened these beliefs get cemented inside.

It is time for us to let go of them.

How? By speaking them in a group or working 1-1 with someone we have an opportunity to share what we went through and to hear others’ experiences.

I share today many quotes from the psychiatrist, Dr Judith Herman, from her book Trauma and Recovery.

For groups that you can join as a boarding school survivor please visit:

Women: https://www.theboardingschooltherapist.com/womens-online-group

Men: https://www.piers-cross.com/online-mens-circles 

#grouphealing #groups #nickduffell #boardingschoolsurvivors #judithherman 

Take care,

Piers

---

Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/

Gabriel Hershman is an author who also publishes under the name of Daniel Kupfermann. He has written 5 books, so far. Four were film biographies and written under the name of Gabriel Hershman. He has also written a memoir called, Don't Be So Sensitive.

“I decided to write the memoir under a pseudonym as a demarkation from my other work but also to shield the work from other living family members.

I grew up in London and then moved to Portugal and then Bulgaria. Writing a memoir is always a work in progress and it was only when I'd finished the book that I realised I'd been dealing with 4 family members who had attended boarding school and the strange effects on their psyche."

Questions for Gabriel:

1. I would love for you to share how you got into writing. What drew you to write your autobiography?
2. What was it like growing up? Could you please share some of your journey growing up?
3. What was it like being a day pupil at a school where there were boarders? What did you make of boarding at that age?
4. Could you please talk about highly sensitive people (HSP)? What is it? P.7
5. Your step-father Gerard's experience of boarding school: He was “sent away” “despatched” “being kicked in the teeth.” P.24 “he'd been through a tough time at boarding school” P.83
6. The physical, mental and emotional treatment you received from Gerard. What was it like growing up with an ex-boarder? P58 – “Gerard criticised me...” and would then.. P.59 “lose his temper.”
7. Even though Gerard had had a tough time at boarding school (your mother saying that he'd had “an emotional hysterectomy”) why did he want to send you away to one? P.83
8. As I was reading the book I could see many of Gerard's traits as symptoms of trauma/ boarding school syndrome: only interested in beautiful women/ weathy people, trying to curry favour with people. He had to win everytime. Very critical of you.
9. Leaving you for most of the winter age 10 with your alcoholic half-brother age 20. How was that for you? P.88 (Your mother leaving the same age her mother died age 10 – P.94)
10. Having no one to validate your feelings and left alone (P.134) How was that for you?
11. The experiences of your half-brothers and your mother's at boarding school (P.144)
12. Your experiences of Dulwich - “Dulwich was remarkably sink or swim.” P.151 Bullying P.160
13. What other aspects are there to these single-sex 'elite' schools that are detrimental to development?
14. Four members of your family went to boarding school and all became problem drinker. Could you please talk to that?
15. Your debilitating speech problem. Where do you think that arose from?
16. How do people find out more about your work and books

To purchase his memoir: https://amzn.eu/d/gR05hc9

To purchase his books on Amazon: https://amzn.eu/d/eTOwAHN

To connect with him on LinkedIn please visit: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabriel-hershman-24955619/?originalSubdomain=bg

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/