As part of my membership in a couple of different life coaching programs, I have access to literally hundreds of coaching call replays, on topics from business and weight loss to general life coaching. Admittedly (and my husband will attest), I listen to A LOT of coaching calls, especially while my hands are busy and I’m working on household tasks. I especially love listening to coaching business calls as I’m growing my practice, but I’m fascinated by all topics because, well, human brains. We all have them, and they are an amazing gift and also the source of much of our pain and challenge.
Listening to these calls also helps me to reflect on and refine my coaching skills. I gain insights into how I can better support my clients in navigating their own challenges and help them arrive at meaningful breakthroughs.
Over the past four years of leading and listening to coaching calls (and, of course, the past 34 years of being human), I’ve noticed many patterns in how people get in their own way. As Byron Katie points out, “There are no new stressful thoughts. They’re all recycled”
One pattern I’ve been reflecting on is how often the mind responds to obstacles with, “I don’t know.” A typical life-coach-y question that follows is, “But if you did know, what would you do?”
I love me a good question. If you did know, what would your next best choice or action be?
When we say we don’t know, we block our access to our own knowing. By “knowing,” I mean our intuition—our quiet, gut-based understanding of what we want and what’s important. We also stymie our knowledge—our expertise, skills and resourcefulness—and we stop ourselves from taking the first steps of meaningful action.
Saying “I don’t know” is often linked to fear—fear of making mistakes, being judged, or doing the “wrong thing.” By sticking with “I don’t know,” we try (unconsciously) to protect ourselves from that fear. But here’s the rub: we’re already making mistakes, and we’re already being judged, by others AND by ourselves. The worst-case scenario we fear? It’s often already happening in some shape or form.
One facet of self-confidence is being willing to feel the full spectrum of human emotion in the pursuit of our goals, as we grow and change and evolve.
* So, if you did know how to eat to lose weight in a way you know you could stick to, how would you eat? That’s your new food protocol to try out for the next 2 weeks and test your results. Did it work?
* If you did know how to start that paper, how would you start? How would you ensure you met the requirements?
* If you did know how to help your team to solve this problem, what steps would you take?
I’ve never read the book from Marie Folio, but the mindset that “everything is figure-outable” can be incredibly empowering.
We are served by framing our problems in a way that allows us to action on them.
Another powerful question to ask ourselves is, “What am I pretending not to know?” Often, we avoid the truth because we fear the change it will require. But acknowledging what we know can be incredibly grounding and doesn’t have to lead to rushed or unwise action. We can still take as much time as we need to evaluate our next best steps.
Paradoxically, I also believe that one of the most powerful things we can know is that we don’t know. That we need more knowledge, guidance or support. Maybe we know exactly how we want to be eating, but are having difficulty putting it into action. Maybe we know we should be getting more sleep but just can’t do it consistently.
Realizing that asking for support is also a form of knowing is huge. Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is admit we need accompaniment and seek it out.
Asking questions, inquiring, and listening with an open heart and mind to our own response can lead to meaningful breakthroughs. We can ask the questions and trust that we have the answers or that we know what to do if we don’t. We can learn to trust ourselves that our best, diligent, sincere guess at this stage of our development is more than enough. I believe it’s all that is required of us.
I’d love to help you uncover your own knowing and support you in achieving your goals, whether it’s losing weight, improving your mindset, or navigating life’s challenges. If you’re ready to explore what’s possible, book a free 50-minute consultation with me. Together, we’ll create a personalized plan that empowers you to take meaningful action toward the changes you seek.
Click here (or the link in the show notes) to schedule your call, and let’s uncover those gems within you.
Have a wonderful rest of your week and I’ll talk with you soon. Katie
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