🎯 What is non-negotiable for you?

We all have things that are non-negotiable for us. Brushing our teeth 🪥, making sure our children are fed 🍽️… I’ll share a funny one of mine: I can’t leave dishes in the sink overnight. Just can’t. 99% of the time, I make sure those dishes are done, no matter how tired I am 😴.

But I digress… There are certain things we’ve become habituated to think of as non-negotiable.

💪 Incorporating in healthy movement every day and challenging myself physically and mentally during my workouts a few times each week is non-negotiable for me.

🥗 Ensuring I have healthy, easy-to-put-together food options for the week ahead is non-negotiable for me.

🍽️ Eating only when my body signals it’s truly hungry and stopping when I’m satiated, not overly full, is a priority for me.

This doesn’t mean I have the perfect workout routine or that I perfectly meal-prep all my food. It doesn’t mean I never overeat or occasionally feel too full 🤷‍♀️.

No. What it means is I value these actions and the results they create for me, and I make them happen, most of the time.

✨ Want to be someone who makes eating better and moving more a non-negotiable for you?

✨ Want to become someone who creates a weight loss plan that actually works for you and sticks with it?

Click here to book your free 50-minute consultation and let’s get that handled for you 🙌!

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What I love most about intense hikes is overcoming my primitive brain and proving myself wrong. (And the honor of being on our astonishing planet, experiencing the summit of a mountain, of course! Amazing.)

There are many moments, both up and down, where I think I want it to be over.

(Approaching West Peak summit on Bigelow Mountain in Maine)

My muscles fatigue, my heart pounds, I’m breathless, I slip and nearly fall, it starts raining, and my feet, back, or knees become sore…

…and then the thoughts arise, telling me to slow down, take a break, have a snack, or even turn around. “It’s too difficult, and the summit is still wayyyyy up there in the distance! You’re not going to make it,” are just a few of the thoughts that come up as I become more and more fatigued.

In those moments, when my body is tired and I become achy, I don’t focus on the summit (way up) or getting back to my car (way down). These are still way off in the distance for most of the hike. Instead, when things get difficult, I focus on one little section at a time: Just this next incline, just until that rock, that ledge. I coach myself as I go.

Then when I get to that spot, I take a breather, allow the urge to stop to be with me and keep going.

Because it’s worth it to me. Because I want to do this — I want to have this experience. I want to challenge my capacity in this way.

(Tired but fed, now for the descent down the mountain and a rain-shower.)

Pursuing a weight loss goal (or any goal) is the same. Maybe your goal feels way off in the distance, and you doubt your capacity to get there. That’s where I can help. While we work on building your belief that you can achieve and maintain your result, I’ll teach you to celebrate the shifts and changes you make all along the way. You will train your mind to focus on and celebrate each decision you make that aligns with your unique weight loss plan.

Climbing a mountain happens one step at a time, just as sustainable weight loss happens one aligned decision at a time. Ditch the short-cuts and quick fixes that never worked anyway, and find the deeper fulfillment of meaningful changes.

Let’s take the first step so you can dedicate more of your time, mental, and emotional energy to the things that light you up.

Click here to book your personal consultation call and jump-start your weight loss journey. We’ll discuss where you’ve felt stuck in losing weight, why past attempts may not have worked, and how we can take a new approach together. I’ll help you address over-hunger and over-desire for food so you can achieve the weight loss results you want.

(Now for the way down - this part always takes longer than I think it will…)

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One pattern that kept me struggling with weight gain in my late 20s was this:

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I would commit to the food protocol of the moment. I spent so much time researching and mentally getting behind. My plan was perfect. 

During the day, I would eat "good" or "clean" (terms I no longer find useful to describe food). I ate only when hungry and felt proud of my choices.

After my students left for the day, I would finish just enough of my teacher work to feel somewhat prepared for the next day. I’d look at the clock and realize I had stayed much longer than I wanted to. 

I’d think about how behind I felt or replay something from the day with a critical voice in my head, blaming myself for not connecting with all the students or for challenges with a particular class.

Arriving home, I’d want relief from the stress and self-criticism. I needed a break from the workday and a transition to being home. Even though I wasn’t hungry, I’d think, “A little snack won’t hurt…” Eating the snack, I’d think, “This is so good, a little more won’t hurt…” and before I knew it, I had eaten much more than I had intended.

This was one of my patterns: feeling stressed, criticizing myself, and eating to cope.

What would it be like to address the exhaustion, the stress, or self-criticism? I felt too afraid to know. So I kept avoiding the feelings with food and feeling ashamed. Vowing not to overeat again, then judging myself for doing it again. 

I was overeating and under-feeling.  

Who can blame me? The only two choices in my mind were:

1. feel exhausted and stressed and ashamed, or 

2. have a sweet little treat. 

Of course I kept choosing the treat. 

But here’s the thing: avoiding the feelings didn’t make them go away. It just added new layers of discomfort from overeating and judgment, perpetuating my struggle.

When I got coaching support with this, I realized that I actually wanted to experience the truth of my emotions because they might be trying to tell me something important. Allowing them could be an opportunity to become stronger in feeling the full spectrum of human emotion. 

If I let myself feel the stress, it could tell me that I needed to adjust my standards as a teacher to be more reasonable and less perfectionistic. 

The overwhelm could signal the need to reconsider my priorities, schedule my day better, and let some things go. 

Worrying about what others might think of me could be a signal to support myself and let others be wrong about me.

If I didn’t let myself feel, I’d miss these important signals to show up for myself, question things and consider how I could improve my life experience. 

I wouldn’t know these things if I didn’t pause and listen to myself instead of overeating. 

I wouldn’t know and change my opinion of my own life. 

There is nothing like being free of the struggle. It’s worth feeling all the things. 

You can decide today: I will no longer do this to myself. I will no longer buffer my true feelings with food.

Want accompaniment in this work? Click here to book your free, 50-minute consultation call to learn how I can help.

Hey all! Here is a short video related to my most recent post.

I’d love to start a conversation. Feel free to leave a comment or question in response.

It’s 8 PM and there’s ice cream in the freezer. Do you know what your urges are? 

How on earth do you manage urges that can feel so strong? 

My goal for this post is to equip and empower you with the awareness and mindset needed to manage your urges for food peacefully, without it feeling like a battle.

Step 1: Cultivating Awareness (do not skip this step) 

The first step is cultivating awareness. We can’t skip this step. Like a gardener cultivates (1) and fertilizes (2) the soil to promote new growth, so too awareness (1) and learning (2) create the ground necessary for new healthy habits to grow. In the beginning you may follow your urges to eat to whatever extent you have been. Not a problem at all. We don’t want to bring in any self-judgment or recrimination here because that is a breeding ground for shame. When we are ashamed we want to hide under our shame shawl – the exact opposite of what we need to grow awareness and learn. Shame packs a double whammy in that it also often leads to comforting ourselves with food. 

Consider how children learn best. I have found in my experience as a teacher and coach that the best emotional conditions to truly learn are safety, openness, and curiosity. The same is true for us adults. 

Often I see clients resisting this step and wanting to be further ahead than they are. They don’t like themselves when they're struggling and they want to be the person who doesn’t struggle with cycles of emotional eating anymore. They want to be done already. They want me to tell them just the right thing that will make them stop. They may also unintentionally believe that they need judgment to change their habits. The opposite is actually true. We need softness and understanding to open up to our own inner resources and stop relying on food to cope. 

I strongly recommend journaling, even if just for 5 minutes, to truly learn after an instance of emotional eating (I will copy some questions you can answer in your journal at the end of this post). When you do this, you show your brain clearly what was going on for you in the exact moment you chose to eat so you can understand and learn. This creates the self-awareness necessary to have a gap or pause to choose a different approach. Instead of feeling like we are on autopilot or acting completely out of habit, we have the space to choose differently. 

Step 2: Mentally prepare the way to respond differently

From this space we’ve created we can next mentally rehearse or visualize what we want to do differently next time. I’ve also included some journal questions to serve this end. Visualization and deciding ahead of time is important. We can’t create something new if we don’t have a thought about it first. 

Step 3: Dropping the story. Dropping resistance.

When we get to that future moment where we feel an urge to eat when we’re not hungry again, it’s not going to feel like rainbows and daisies, no matter how clear and compelling our mental rehearsal was. That doesn’t mean we did anything wrong, or something is wrong. Nothing is wrong. It’s uncomfortable to allow an urge to be there without acting on it, especially if you’re not used to doing this in this area of your life. While there’s a degree of discomfort in allowing an urge without acting on it, we can save ourselves from adding in unnecessary burden. I see clients doing this when they describe the urge in dramatic terms or with resistance language.

Resistance shows up when we think things like, 

“This is a battle.”

“I need to overpower this urge.” 

“I always give up.” 

“The urge always wins/always overpowers me.” 

“It’s so hard to not act on the urge.” 

When we are resisting something we use battle-like language. Resistance requires willpower which is a finite resource: it runs out. 

Step 4: Curiosity is a friend

Instead, what would it be like to drop your story of the urge and how bad it is, how bad you are and see what it actually feels like in your body in this moment? This markedly reduces the intensity of the urge. Here curiosity is again our friend. What does the urge feel like in your body? Do you feel a tightness in your jaw? A hollowness in your throat? Watering in your mouth? Do you feel restless or jittery? Do you notice tingling in your fingers or around your mouth? I recommend journaling about this when you feel the urge. See what it’s like. You can imagine as if you were describing it to an alien from another planet, who doesn’t understand what urges are.

Why do this work?

This is the work of stopping resisting and reacting to urges and having more positive control of your relationship with food. 

The more you practice processing your urges, the more skilled you become, the less intense they become. 

The more in touch you become with your urges, the more in touch you become with all of your emotions. 

I think for all these reasons and more, it’s work worth doing. 

Want accompaniment in doing this work? Click here to book your free, 50-minute consultation call. 

Journal Prompt: Write it down. Learn. Move on.  

What did you overeat? Be specific as possible. This in itself can be very helpful.

Why did you overeat it? 

What did you notice? 

What would have worked better?

What did you learn? 

How can you let this go now?

How do you want to feel about this moving forward? 

How will you handle this next time? 

This is me awaiting the fireworks on the 4th of July in 2019, nearly at the end of my weight loss journey (and, total aside, but it was also right before I met my bombtastic, mind-blowingly 🤯 awesome partner! What a fun time of life 💖 Thanks babe for liking all my newsletter posts and all your grammar advice! 😜 )

🎶 “I was feelin’ good!” 🎶 - So proud of myself, confident, and like a dish 🍨! ✨

But here’s the thing – I didn’t wait until I was almost at my goal weight to start feeling good about my body or to wear clothes I liked 👗.

An important part of my weight loss (and self-love 💛) journey was to develop unconditional body confidence and love. Here’s why 👉

When I felt better about my body, I felt better overall: I did less emotional eating, I made smarter food choices for me, I moved my body more, and… just had more fun! 🎉

I purposefully worked hard, with the support of my coach, on loving my body and treating it well 💪.

I saw how un-useful it was, and what a habit it had become, to shame myself into trying to eat less and move more (spoiler alert: this actually led to more emotional eating 😓).

Now, I’m not suggesting that you have perfect, always positive thoughts about your body. That’s not useful. (Toxic positivity? 🤔)

But it can be so useful to at least see if it’s possible to shift from disparaging ⏩ to neutral thoughts first, and then gradually build body gratitude, positivity, and confidence from there 🌟.

Here’s what that shift ⏩ could look like: (Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and let it be a jumping off point for your own reflection)

First thinking:

* “I have a human body.”

* “I’m experiencing life in and through this body.”

* “My body is truly unique.”

* “My body is ever-changing.”

* “My body is part of who I am.”

* “Everyone is thinking way more about themselves than what my body looks like in this.”

* “I am on a journey with my body.”

To 👉

* “I’m learning how to care for and appreciate my body.”

* “My body deserves loving-kindness and respect.”

* “I am grateful my body allows me to do or experience ________.”

* “My body is capable of so many things.”

* “My body supports me every day.”

From this space of neutrality, then gratitude, it can feel more accessible to, when you’re ready, adopt more positive or confident views of your body.

I’d love to start a conversation. What thoughts help you to feel neutral, grateful, positive or confident about your body? Feel free to leave them in a comment below 💬👇

Want to speak with me directly about receiving 1-1 coaching support to put this into practice in your own life? Book your consult here.

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Hey,

I want to share something powerful I received from a replay of a coaching call with my coach instructor, Brooke Castillo.

For those who struggle with their weight or overeating: the problem isn’t really overeating as much as it is under-feeling.

So true! I love this❣️

Why? 👉 This resonates deeply with my own journey of stopping 🛑 overeating and learning to have a more authentic relationship with my emotions 💗. It’s also the core of the work I do with my clients to help them create results in this area of their lives.

When we overeat (eating more than we need physically), we are often trying to avoid feeling some emotion we consciously or unconsciously label as problematic: anxiety, boredom, restlessness, overwhelm, shame…

I’d love to start a conversation: What emotions do you find yourself eating to avoid feeling? 🤔 💭 Feel free to drop them in the comments below. 👇

Here’s one 1️⃣ area where I struggled most: Allowing myself to feel anxious without buffering with food.

👉 Definition: Buffering means taking an action to attempt to distract or distance yourself from what you’re truly feeling.

I remember feeling anxious after a day of work—tasks undone, judgments about my performance, fears of what my colleagues or supervisor thought of me. Without much awareness, I would eat a “healthy snack” that my body didn’t really need at that moment (often as I was driving home. Not the most mindful moment 😅). I justified it as healthy, and therefore OK, but if I was honest with myself, I was eating to try feel better. I didn’t want to feel anxious, so I ate. And often when I gave myself a pass to overeat it was challenging to stop. 

And I did this daily: Snacking after work when I wasn’t physically hungry, and in the evening before bedtime, even after a nourishing, filling dinner to try to deal with my anxiety.

When I ate instead of meeting my anxiety, here’s what happened 👉

* I missed the opportunity to get to the root of the issue.

* I missed the chance to learn why I was feeling anxious and address the thoughts or beliefs contributing to it.

* I missed the opportunity to allow the emotion to be there without judgment and just FEEL it.

What would it be like to just allow the anxiety to be there without judging it as a problem?

What does anxiety actually feel like as a vibration in my body?

It’s been SUCH impactful work for me to help myself and now my clients to unpack the thoughts and beliefs holding them back AND to help them become more emotionally resilient.

To stop overeating and under-feeling, and instead to have a more compassionate, courageous, and loving relationship with their thoughts and emotions.

When you stop trying to avoid your emotions, you naturally stop overeating.

Join me in this work. Book your free, 50-minute consultation call here 💟. Let’s take a closer look at where and how this shows up for you.

**Quick Judgment Check ✅ PSA❕** I’m not proposing you judge yourself about this concept of “under-feeling and overeating” 👉 not at all. In fact, that is the exact opposite of what I’m suggesting. Judgment adds a murky layer that makes it difficult to see what’s really happening and learn how to make a different choice. Clear-seeing is needed to make a different choice. ♥️

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When people overeat on the weekend (or anytime, really) and ALSO think, 

“I need to start over.”

“I need to get back on track, back on plan,” Or, “back on the wagon.”

This is a sign of all-or-nothing, perfectionist thinking.

This way of thinking is just NOT useful.

Why? It’s all judgment (that likely creates shame, which can lead to more emotional eating) and no learning about how to make a different choice next time.

Thinking in terms of “off track/on track” is so unspecific. There’s NO helpful evaluation of what happened over the weekend to learn what was going on for you that led to the overeating. 

What were you thinking about the food this weekend? What were you feeling? Why were you thinking or feeling that way?

You can’t make a different choice moving forward if you don’t first see, with so much compassion and no judgment, why you made that choice. We have to see clearly why we have the habits we have before we can make different ones. Compassionate seeing creates the space for a different choice, and eventually habit, to grow.

To evaluate and learn, you can ask yourself these three questions and answer them in detail:

* What worked (in terms of my food choices) this weekend?

* What didn’t work?

* What am I going to choose differently this week and weekend? 

I do this same work as I’m building my practice and business. It’s just not useful for me to stay in unspecific, negative thoughts like, “It’s not working.” It is very useful to instead explore what is working, what isn’t (and why) and what I could do differently. These questions may seem simple or rote, but I would argue that’s only if you don’t actually do them and see how they shift you into a solution focused mindset, versus a problem focused mindset.

Can you hold space for some (reasonable) discomfort to saying no to emotional eating in favor of learning how to feel your emotions and cope with them in a different manner?

This is the work I do with my clients and the same work I do on myself as I grow and pursue new, exciting goals. Come join us!  Book your free consultation call here.

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“A little bit won’t hurt…” 

Totally! It’s true that a little bit of any food doesn’t necessarily hurt or stall weight loss progress. But often, this seemingly simple thought generates cravings because you may also be thinking that this little bit is coming from a forbidden food, and that adds to the feeling of desire. 

Before too long, you might find yourself thinking, "This little bit tastes so good, a little more won’t hurt," followed by, "…A little more…", and then, "This could be my last chance to eat this (so I better take advantage of it)." I heard a coach once call this "last supper" thinking, and I love that term—it perfectly captures how our brains can be overly dramatic, often funnily so. Eventually, you might find yourself thinking, "I already overate, so I might as well keep going" (perfectionist thinking), and overeat, only to wonder later, "What just happened to me?”

These are the kinds of thoughts that I work with my clients to create awareness around AND learn to unpack. 

Because the truth is no food is forbidden. You can always have all the foods. The key is, I think, to tell yourself the WHOLE story about what eating that food will mean for progress toward your goal. 

This was a game changer for me in my weight loss journey. Learning how both were true, not one or the other. 

“I want this food, I can always have it, AND I’m choosing not to have that now because I want to make progress toward my goal.” Or, “I am choosing to eat this now and I love that choice for me.”

There is no right or wrong. 

I work with my clients to make these decisions on purpose, not by accident or subconsciously.

Want to learn more about where your food cravings might be coming from? Book your free, 50-minute consultation call with me. 

Sending love,

Katie

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Father’s Day, birthday parties, weekend at your in-laws’, cookouts, Fourth of July, bridal showers, nights out with friends… It’s (almost!) summer here in the northern hemisphere and there are so many opportunities to partake of all the delicious summertime foods. How can you enjoy these gatherings and treats in moderation without stalling your weight loss progress? I assure you it’s possible to do both and still create lasting weight loss results. 

Here’s what’s not required 🙅‍♀️: 

❌ Saying no to events because you are afraid of overeating 

❌ Worrying about the event and what you will eat ahead of time

❌ Feeling out of control or deprived at social gatherings and overeating

❌ Fearing what others will think about your food choices if you choose to treat yourself or to make choices that are aligned to your weight loss goal

It IS possible for you to enjoy the event and food or drink (if you partake) feeling present, empowered and trusting yourself and the process fully.

For clients who have fears around social eating, I recommend making a “game plan” ahead of the event. This helps reduce worry, confusion, subconscious or impulsive decision making that doesn’t serve them. Making decisions is where much of our power lies and making decisions ahead of time, with our prefrontal cortex and our highest self present, are our most impactful decisions. 

Below is a blueprint you can use or adjust to create your own social eating game plan. This blueprint is adapted from a worksheet from The Life Coach School/Brooke Castillo, the school where I received my coaching certification.

* Name of event:

* Location of event: 

* Who will be there?

* What food will be there?

* Which of these foods feel most tempting?

* What are my thoughts about these foods that make them feel tempting?

* What do I plan to eat or drink at this event (if at all)?

* Is there a specific person whose opinion, thoughts or comments I am worried about?

* What do I imagine they might think or say?

* How do I feel when I think they might think/say this?

* How do I feel about going to this event? Why do I feel this way (list the thoughts)?

* Identify the neutral facts versus your thoughts related to the above.

* How do I want to feel at this event? → I commit to intentionally feeling this way. 

* Out of all of the foods and/or drinks available, which will I choose to eat/drink? (Make a plan) 

* Where do you want to arrive at on the hunger scale after eating? (See my hunger scale post if you’re unsure of what I mean here.)

* How do you want to feel about your food choices at this event?

Now you have your game plan! Now is your time to shine in the execution and follow through.

I learned from my first coach, Brenda Lomeli, that people tend to face three challenges as it relates to social eating:

* Not trusting themselves to follow through on their game plan

* Worrying about what others might think/say about their food choices

* Anxious about not using food or drink to distract themselves from social anxieties

* Not trusting themselves to follow through on their game plan

Hotdogs and hamburgers, ice cream, cornbread… food is often a focal point of social gatherings, and that’s OK! You don’t need to stay home or avoid the food and drink table to prevent overeating. While cravings may arise, trust that you made the right choices for yourself ahead of time and that you are fully equipped to handle any cravings that come up. Did you know that an emotional food craving is a feeling (a vibration in the body)? We can experience it without letting it take control. Think about all the feelings you allow without letting them override your decision-making or control your actions. It’s the same with cravings. Imagine what it would be like to fully enjoy—truly savor—what you planned to eat or drink (if you are planning to eat or drink), create satisfaction for yourself with that decision, and be present to enjoy all the other pleasures of the event, like connecting with people and being outside in the sunshine.

* Worrying about what others might think/say about their food choices

I remember my coach offering me a very profound lesson when I was worried about what my family might think if I chose to have a salad and some protein and say no to the dessert at a birthday party: “When you think other people are judging you, you’re judging them.” The truth is, people may judge us no matter what we decide to do. Eat this or not, drink this or not, people can have an opinion. The important thing is for you to decide what you want to do and to feel confident and empowered about that decision. You’re not being a pain, indulgent, snobby or difficult, you’re making the decisions that feel right to you. What if you chose to feel confident, proud and empowered ahead of time?

* Anxious about not using food or drink to distract themselves from social anxieties

I understand. I used to use food to cope with social anxiety too! When I stopped doing this I realized how anxious I could be around people and that was uncomfortable and uncomfortable to see. It still can be. At the same time, choosing to not distract yourself with food or drink is an amazing opportunity to grow and connect more deeply with yourself and others. What if you leaned into what you found enjoyable about the event - conversations with people you vibe with, the beauty of your surroundings, the joy of being present… while also holding space for how you feel? This is also a amazing opportunity to learn about the thoughts or beliefs that could be contributing to your anxiety. When we’re not distracting away from these thoughts and allow them to be there, we create the awareness necessary to examine them and ultimately let them go. Then we have the room to create more empowering beliefs that increase our confidence. 

✅ Want to take a deeper dive into any of the topics covered and receive coaching support for your specific life and circumstances? Book your free, 50-minute consultation here. 🙋‍♀️ 

^Don’t let fear of overeating ruin your summer plans. Enjoy these summer gatherings and reach your weight loss goal! 

💛 Katie

Empowered Weight Loss is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.