Leaving The Valley

If rich, famous, beautiful people can die by suicide, what does that mean for the rest of us? The recent suicide of Cheslie Kryst, Miss USA 2019, was shocking. Research supports that after a high-profile person dies by suicide, rates of suicide also go up. Additionally, there is a cost to fame. It is harder for well-known figures to ask just anyone for support, even when they're in danger. There is enormous pressure to stay at the top and high levels of fame can be extremely isolating. Much of what we are taught is that if you work hard and are successful, then you will be happy. What does it mean when a celebrity like Ms. Kryst, who was so successful, was also so unhappy?

In part two of our conversation, we look at how anger may be a part of the grieving process when we lose someone to suicide. Anger is a normal stage in processing loss. When suicide is involved, anger may be directed at the individual who died, or at another friend or family member, and even at yourself for failing to prevent the death. Additionally, we discuss considerations for how anger may affect some of our most vulnerable groups. What should we be aware of in terms of red flags for anger in groups that already have high levels of suicidal thoughts? Lastly, we talk about the term "anger management." What does that really mean?

We often think of depression as a possible symptom for suicide, but anger can also become lethal. Excessive anger is often a sign of depression. In fact, anger is usually a mask we wear to hide how sad or disappointed we feel. Most of us are more comfortable sharing that we are mad rather than sharing that we have become depressed. These stigmas about anger and sadness often prevent us from properly assessing when someone is at risk for suicide. If we are unaware of the relationship between anger and suicide, we may miss the signals that someone we love is hurting.

It's a new year…again?! So why does it feel a little like nothing's changed? The idea of "resolution" means that something has ended, but for many of us the reality of COVID-19 is still not over. In that case, does it even make sense to make a resolution? Whether acknowledged or not, change happens to each of us. Our advice is to take some stock of what you are grateful for. If your resolution is about improving your mental health, working with a therapist could be an amazing tool to achieving that goal. Additionally, if you're feeling down, don't forget the value of helping those less fortunate than you.

Can therapy ever be harmful? That's the question that first sprang to my mind when talking with an acquaintance about her problematic experiences in counseling. Asking for help is hard. There is a tremendous stigma that surrounds speaking with a therapist. In some examples, working with a therapist who is a bad fit for you can even be harmful. It can inflict new psychological damage and be re-traumatizing. If your counselor is judgmental, unavailable, or a bad listener, perhaps it is time to work with someone else.

It's the most wonderful time of the year... or is it? There is so much to do and so little time to do it. Let's face it, the holidays are tough. Whether you're navigating tricky family dynamics or simply feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of finding the perfect gift, many of us experience the holiday blues. What are some ways we can cope with the stresses of this time of year?

In the conclusion of our conversation with Sergeant Aaron Quinonez (Sgt. Q), we learn about his long road towards getting diagnosed with PTSD and his advice for anyone dealing with a mental health crisis. Additionally, Sgt. Q shares his insights on how the faith-based community can better support those struggling with mental health issues. Also, we ask Sgt. Q for his list of things NOT to do when going through a hard time.

In this special episode, we talk with Sergeant Aaron Quinonez (Sgt. Q) about his personal journey in overcoming childhood trauma, homelessness, two tours of duty in Iraq, PTSD, and suicidal ideation to living a life of service and mental health advocacy. Sgt. Q has turned his experiences with trauma into a calling, helping fellow veterans find healing through his award winning non-profit, Q-Missions. Sgt. Q recalls his early childhood trauma and how it further impacted his time serving in Iraq. He candidly discusses what it is like to suffer from PTSD. He explains the feeling of inadequacy that led him to becoming suicidal and how a small action by a friend served as the intervention in suicidal thoughts.

Shame around suicide is pervasive and exists in many different forms. We may feel ashamed if we lost someone to suicide. We may feel shame if we've ever had suicidal thoughts. We sometimes even use shame as a tactic to try and stop someone from taking their own life. We talk with Dr. Jana Tran, psychologist, about shame. Dr. Tran has spent many years serving high-risk groups for suicide through her work at the VA and serving First Responders at the Houston Fire Department. Dr. Tran examines the message "suicide is selfish." It is harder to seek help when there is no safe space to talk about how badly you feel without getting shamed. Additionally, those who have lost someone to suicide may also feel ashamed. (However unwarranted those feelings may be).

Why do some people claim, "Therapy didn't work for me"? In part two of our series, we discuss some of the issues that stand in the way of success in therapy. Some quit before they've really given the process a chance or are inconsistent about therapy. Additionally, people are often reluctant to seek help, believing they can relying on friends and family for support. If you are suicidal, it is highly unlikely that your loved ones know enough about mental health to provide the exact support you need. If you want to benefit from therapy, be consistent, be honest, and be willing to do your homework. Spend some time researching therapists in your area. Not every therapist is perfect for every person. Sometimes we are put off from seeking therapy because the thought of sharing can feel unbearable. Finding the right counselor will involve opening up.