Letters to my kids: A suicide survivor's lessons and advice for life

Episode 33 - Part 1 : Family Enstrangement: Choosing to run and cutting your losses

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/estranged-from-your-family-heres-why-you-should-stop-feeling-guilty.html

- Do you have family members you choose not to see or speak with? If so, you probably feel very sad about that, especially at a time of year when most families gather together. But if you're also feeling guilty over it, it's time to stop.

- It's more common than you think.In a British survey from 2014, 19 percent of respondents reported that either they themselves or one of their relatives had no contact with the family.

- You probably have a good reason.Most of the estranged people stay away from their families or individual family members to save themselves from dysfunctional situations or behavior. If you're estranged from your family, it probably isn't something you did lightly.

"All in all, punishment hardens and renders people more insensible; it concentrates; it increases the feeling of estrangement; it strengthens the power of resistance." - Friedrich Nietzsche

- Even a seemingly stupid reason may really be a good one.We've all heard about family members who stop speaking to each other over strikingly minor matters. But these things are never as simple as they appear. The breaking point was simply the final item in a dispute that had been going on for years.

"No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances." -Mark Twain

- You probably gave them plenty of chances to make things better.Estrangement doesn't usually happen as a result of one big argument. It takes years for someone to break contact with a family member or family members. It happens gradually, with the family member reducing contact over time before cutting it off altogether.

"I think it's much more radical to see and show things as they look instead of making them somehow subversive through alienation." -Wolfgang Tillmans

Episode 31 - Part 5 : Life - surviving and struggling to survive

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://open.buffer.com/survive-thrive/

- If you think you’re wandering alone trying to raise your voice so everybody can hear you roaring, you’re wrong. In fact, you are surrounded with people who fight bloody combats in their minds between success and failure. Whoever told you that life and success comes easy is either pleasing you, or talk nonsense. Life is a balance of good and bad times along with picking out the best lessons out of both experiences. 

- You are determined more than ever.

Determination is the first thing you do conscious that will take you directly to your wishes. Determination means that you already have a clear goal and willing to sacrifice everything to grab that goal with both hands. Emotions will rush over you to go back to the old habits. 

- You feel like breaking down.

At the exact moment when you feel like the world falls down on you is the moment you have to decide two things: go down with it, or elevate stronger than ever. They remind us to see beauty behind the thorns on the way. Life is one big test where we have to see through all perspectives. The price we have to pay not to blur our dreams when encountering the weight of the world on our shoulders.

- You firmly want to give up.

Following the sign of the hard struggle when you feel like breaking down, the mental state to give up will invade your mind. That’s really a sign that you are doing the right thing. I would state it as finding comfort in the discomfort.

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival." W. Edwards Deming

- You choose to avoid night-out over work.

Everyone needs to hang out from time to time. We exchange thoughts, enjoy the time with our biddies, and have a fun time. But sometimes night-out needs to be avoided if we have crucial work to finish that might take us closer to the vision. Free time needs to be earned thought previous successful days of work. Believe me; the best memories are made when you have nothing left behind to occupy your mind.

- You are less with wrong people.

In those times you reveal your true friends and people who care about you the most. While being lonely may seem like a dark period and something might be wrong with us, that period of our life is the enlightening. You are left alone with your experience to form your future.

"It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value." -Arthur C. Clarke

- You are occupied with your success.

Emotions play with our mind when we determine to succeed in life. As I previously mentioned, we all have bad habits that have to be removed. That’s not easy at all. Success should make us happy. It shouldn’t mean that “success” is endless money and one mile houses.

"Every day I run scared. That's the only way I can stay ahead ." John H Johnson

- You exchange life for something only you see.

First off, you sacrifice life with everything you do daily. You literally give up (something important and most valued) for the sake of your considerations. You exchange life for the picture in your head of rightfulness. And no, you are not giving up life for nothing. You switch every second and hand out struggle to your vision. 

"When you're in the battlefield, survival is all there is. Death is the only great emotion." Samuel Fuller

- You know your goal as soon as you wake up.

Waking up may be the hardest part of the day for some people, but not for those who have clear concise vision (of at least) how they should spend their day to be closer to a better tomorrow. Every one of us can easily create positive and creative way of thinking in a short period of time. Imagine life differently. The mind can expand as long as you’re willing to.

"The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power

Episode 31 - Part 4 : Life - surviving and struggling to survive

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201408/why-do-some-people-survive-and-others-struggle

https://open.buffer.com/survive-thrive/

- Stay In the PresentThe more you obsess about what happened, going over every detail and reliving it over and over in your mind, the more your fear of that same thing happening again is going to hold you back. Every time you feel your mind slipping into the past, replaying what happened (or didn’t happen), bring it back to the here and now.

“We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us. We always have this choice.” – Pema Chodron

- Instead of Trying to “Bounce Back,” Just Move ThroughHave you ever experienced a setback, just to have someone say, “It’s okay; you’ll bounce back!”? You can’t “bounce back” to a previous point in time; all you can do is move through where you are and progress forward. This means letting go of the desire to get things back to “the way they were” and, instead, figuring out how to deal with where are so you can move forward in a new (better) way.

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” – Calvin Coolidge

- Know What You WantWhen you face a stumbling block in your career, something that prevents you from moving ahead, it’s the perfect time to ask yourself what you really want.

- Think actions Versus GoalsGoals are great in that they can move you forward…especially after experiencing a setback. This way of thinking does have its faults as people who set goal after goal “…exist in a state of continuous presuccess failure at best, and permanent failure at worst if things never work out.”

- Get In Touch with Your passion

In other words, if you’re facing a setback, roadblock, or defeat that threatens to dampen your career-related enthusiasm, don’t let it. Instead, get in touch with your “inner freak” and use your passion to help you push through.

- Move Beyond the NegativityWe already talked about the fact that feeling negative when you’re faced with a setback is completely “normal.” However, moving beyond this type of negativity is absolutely critical if you want to ultimately succeed. Acknowledging your negative thoughts is actually the first step to this process.

“If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find you are ready for greater challenges.” -Pat Riley

- Practice Gratitude

When you’re faced with an obstacle, something that stands between where you are now and where you want to be, having gratitude in your heart and being truly thankful for what you do have puts you in a better spot mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

"Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses."- Alphonse Karr

“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.”- Bruce Lee

- Wharton professor and best-selling author, Adam Grant, shares that, in life, failure comes in two ways: your actions and your inactions. Furthermore, “…when people reflect on their biggest regrets, they wish they could redo the inactions, not the actions.”

- When life knocks you down, get back up. And when it knocks you down again, get back up again. That’s how you overcome setbacks, defeats, and roadblocks. By taking one action at a time

"We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival. " -Winsto

Episode 31 - Part 3 : Life - surviving and struggling to survive

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201408/why-do-some-people-survive-and-others-struggle

- All you have to do is develop the right strategies.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. Overcoming your struggles is an up and down battle. Lots of ups and downs, in fact.

But you need both the peaks and the valleys in order to keep moving forward. The ups remind you of where you want to go and the downs push you to get there.

“Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.” – Henry Ford

- Give Yourself TimeAlthough the whole purpose of this guide is to help you get over whatever obstacles are placed in your way, one of the very first things you want to do is give yourself time to process what happened. How much time should you take?

- Don’t Panic

This is the same type of control you want to have when you’re faced with a setback. Yes, give yourself time to adjust, but don’t panic either as that’s not going to help the situation at all. In fact, it would likely hurt it more than anything because then you just might do something you regret.

“All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination.” – Earl Nightingale

- Make Peace with Your Failures

“Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.”

More importantly, is that how you want to live the rest of your life? Not doing all of the things you’re fully capable of doing because you simply gave up?

- Cut Yourself Some Slack (But Don’t Let Go of the Rope). He basically cuts himself some slack, but still pushes forward so that, in the end, he winds up ahead.

- Regain Your ControlDr. Greg Winch, psychologist and author of The Squeaky Wheel, says that regaining as much control over your situation as possible is necessary as it can help you “…avoid feeling helpless and hopeless.” This means looking at what actions you can take to help you overcome whatever obstacle is in your way.

- Let Yourself Be VulnerableMost people see vulnerability as weakness, but it’s actually the exact opposite. In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown says, “Rather than sitting on the sidelines…we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability.” Even though you might be tempted to “sit on the sidelines,” watching all of your “teammates” who are still on the field, this will keep you in that one spot….out of the game.Instead, let yourself be vulnerable by choosing to re-engage and take part again.

- Learn From Your ExperienceOur first option is simply to “conform to it”…to give in to the fear and insecurities where it stops us from progressing. The other option, is to “…humbly embrace failure as the great teacher and refining fire"

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” - Thomas Edison

- Take a “Five-Step Pause”In Get Out of Your Own Way, authors Mark Goulston and Phillip Goldberg share that an effective way to get your mind back on the right track after a setback involves taking “The Five-Step Pause,” an action plan designed to help you react consciously instead of impulsively, potentially doing something you’ll later regret.

5 Second Pause

- Increase your physical awareness. Pay attention to yourself physically, noticing any sensations (tenseness, fatigue, or pain) you may be experiencing in different areas of your body. 

- Increase your emotional awareness. With each sensation, ask yourself which emotion is causing it. Is it fear? Anxiety? Frustratio

Episode 31 Part 2 : Life, Surviving and Struggling to survive

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://medium.com/@anthony_moore/living-an-extraordinary-life-means-giving-up-a-normal-one-31fd54738214https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201408/why-do-some-people-survive-and-others-struggle

- Evolving is painful. But this is what is required to live an extraordinary life. You must give up the "normal" life for something far more valuable. The more you evolve into the best version of yourself, the more you'll be required to give up. You'll reach a point where you'll no longer be able to tolerate negative relationships. Eating bad food. Spending your time on time-wasting activities.

"Live like no one else now, so later you can live like no one else." -Dave Ramsey

"Good is the enemy of great. And that is one of the key reasons why we have so little that becomes great. Few people attain great lives, in large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life." -Jim Collins, Good to Great

- You have to give up something in order to accomplish something else. All great opportunities costs "good" ones. An extraordinary life costs a "normal" life. You can't have both. You will have to sacrifice something that you value less than whatever it is you ultimately want.

"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. " -Herman MelvilleEveryone has different, unique things they'll need to sacrifice in order to begin living an extraordinary life.

But there are 3 things everyone will need to give up.

- Security and CertaintyOne of the cornerstones of an extraordinary life is giving up the safety nets, security, and guarantees of a normal life. Maybe this is a steady paycheck at a job that will never allow you to reach your full potential. Maybe it's the static 9–5 schedule. Maybe it's a guaranteed retirement plan.

- Fear of Judgement"The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you." -Bette MidlerTrying to explain your extraordinary life to others will begin to seem like a lost cause. Most people are afraid you'll achieve the dreams they never did, and so they attempt to protect themselves from that failure by bringing you down. The extraordinary life looks crazy to an outsider. They don't understand it, and they're afraid of it.

- You must ignore this. You will never succeed if you continue to take more stock in what your critics say than what you belief about yourself.

- Other People's Definition of SuccessBut, giving up other people's definition of success is incredibly liberating and ultimately leads to the fullest expression of who you are and what matters to you.It's not a one-time thing. It's a daily habit of comparing less and creating more."Success" doesn't just mean what the larger mob of society says it means: "lots of money, fame, and fortune." Many people with fame, fortune, and lots of money have terribly empty, imbalanced lives. Your success isn't defined by what other people say.

"Success is continuously improving who you are, how you live, how you serve, and how you relate." -Benjamin P. Hardy- No one can define your success but you. If you continue to let others tell you what success is, you'll never reach it. Even if you did, it wouldn't be a true success, because it's not what you really valued. Ultimately, it's up to you what you're willing to sacrifice to achieve an extraordinary life. There is no formula. But one thing is certain: you will need to sacrifice.

- The cost of an extraordinary life is great. Is it worth it to you?

"Keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival, as has been maintaining a sense of humor." - Stephen Hawking

Episode 31 - Part 1 : Life - surviving and struggling to survive

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://open.buffer.com/survive-thrive/

- Book called The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall, Ph.D., a clinical neuropsychologist. Pearsall wrote about being inspired to creativity through adversity, and he believes that we can become resilient and transformed by difficulty.

- When faced with adversity, once you pass the survival phase, you move into the thriving phase, which pushes you towards the next level of growth and transformation, and ultimately to a sense of empowerment. This process is often seen amongst cancer survivors or those faced with situations such as PTSD. Pearsall wisely states, “Thrivers share their experiences not from the perspective of “Look what I did” but from the orientation of “Don’t worry. Look at what you can do.”

- We cannot underestimate the importance of surrounding ourselves with positive thinkers and good relationships, living in a thriving environment, embracing each day, and working on yourself by understanding what brings you joy, what makes your heart sing, and what emotional triggers set you down a negative or unhealthy path.

- We must walk through the doors of both positive and negative experiences without letting negative experiences overpower us. Instead, they should empower us. 

- Remember that there is always someone in worse pain; accept that pain is temporary and will pass. She also reminds us that kindness to others can make you feel better in the course of our struggles, or when we are overwhelmed by life’s challenges.

Hemingway says, “We become stronger at the broken places.”

- How do you deal with setbacks?

 

“When you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.” - Dr. Seuss

The Different Types of Obstacles We Face- Although setbacks, roadblocks, and defeats are all obstacles standing between where you are now and where you want to be, each one represents a different “level” of challenge.

Setbacks are usually relatively minor, “hiccups” really in that they don’t actually stop you. They’re more like a speed bump…they simply slow you down. 

Roadblocks are obstacles that do a little bit more than just slow you down. Again, you can bounce back from these types of issues, but it’s going to take some time 

Defeats are the mothers of all setbacks and roadblocks…the life-changers that can force you to do a complete 180 ° 

These are TKOs…total knockouts! Not only are you on your back, but you are down for the count!

The good news is, no matter which one you face—a setback, roadblock, or a defeat—you don’t have to raise your hand and surrender.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." -C. S. Lewis

- When face-to-face with a career-related obstacle, some of people cast blame. They point to all of the reasons or all of the circumstances that “put” them where they are. Another “normal” response to a setback, roadblock, or defeat is anger…like you’ve just been unjustly convicted of a crime you didn’t commit.

While it’s understandable to feel frustrated, sad, angry, and scared when dealing with a career- related obstacle, these types of “normal” responses present an issue because one of these negative reactions, feelings or responses will help you get wherever it is you want to go. 

- Setbacks Happen to Everyone (Even Really Successful People)Every successful person, the ones we tend to look to for inspiration in our own lives, has faced their fair share of setbacks before, during and after achieving something great. The larger mob of society will never experience true success.

Why? Because this majority is unwilling to become the CEO of their life?-?they'd rather someone else call the shots.

Living an Extraordinary Life Means Giving Up a Normal

Episode 30 - Part 3: Being true to yourself and who you are

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/dare-to-live-10-unconventional-ways-to-be-true-to-yourself/

It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. – E. E. Cummings

Each and every one of us has a destiny, a true life path, a deeply significant soul mission. When we innocently listen to others and try to conform our lives to their expectations, we come out of alignment with our ultimate life purpose. 

We are taught since childhood to listen to our “elders” and be obedient to society. But although fitting in helped us to learn the lesson we needed as children, pleasing others becomes an outdated pattern of living in adulthood.

- Take responsibility for your happinessSeriously sit down and think about this: are other people responsible for making you happy, or are you responsible for your happiness? When we aren’t being true to ourselves we tend to let others (or fate) take hold of our lives. 

- Get out of your mind and into your heartWe need both the mind and heart to work in unison with each other, yet we are taught to worship the mind and trivialize the heart. If your mind is constantly racing and full of thoughts, take a step back. Find some way to relax your mind so that you can listen to your heart again.

- Deliberately remove unsupportive and toxic peopleIt’s important that we show compassion to negative and judgmental people, but we don’t have to keep them around. Think about people who you would prefer not to be around, and experiment with distancing yourself from them. If you discover that you life is much lighter with certain people gone, make the decision to cut them out of your life, with kindness. 

"To become conscious and aware, we must become authentic. Authenticity is the highest form of being." -Teal Swan

- Stop avoiding yourselfRediscover who you are. Sit down and explore your thoughts in a journal or find a way of expressing your feelings through art, movement or some form of creativity. You don’t need to be a perfectionist: just allow yourself to reconnect with your inner self. Be kind to yourself. We all mess up once in a while. When it happens and you finally catch on, drop your ego, admit your mistake fully, and make amends.

- Accept yourself and stop trying to be “likable”If you feel that being hated or disliked is one of the worst things that could happen to you, you’re likely a people-pleaser. People-pleasers have a very frail sense of self as everything they do is centered around gaining approval and recognition from others. In order to move past people-pleasing, you need to learn how to find self-worth within yourself, rather than from others. 

- Learn how to say “no” and walk awayWhen we base our self-worth on the opinions of others, we tend to struggle with being assertive and drawing boundaries. Saying “yes” to people and commitments when we want to say “no” is one of the most depleting and disempowering choices we can make. There is nothing noble about self-sacrifice, especially when it’s fuelled by fear.

"Living from a place of authenticity is difficult because those living in distortion see you as a threat to their delusion and some are so attached to that delusion that they will behave in erratic ways to defend their ego’s projection of wounding." -Suzanne Wagner

- Connect with your feelings moreDo you have a habit of repressing your emotions? If you feel a sense of inner numbness or disconnection from yourself/others, pay attention. The more you bury your emotions, the more they fester within your unconscious mind and manifest as illnesses, nervous breakdowns, explosion of rage, and even mental illnesses. 

- Forgive yourselfDoes a part of you feel like you’re unworthy of living a completely full and happy life? Forgive this self-loathing part of you. If you find it hard to forgive, forg

Episode 30 - Part 2: Being true to yourself and who you are

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://lonerwolf.com/be-true-to-yourself/

- You can do so much more with your one life if you stay true to who you are. There is peace in choosing your true self. There is lightness and more love to experience. Once you begin to align with your true self and are aware of small ways in which you abandon what feels right to you, you set yourself on a path that can truly transform the way you experience this life.

 

Why Being True to Yourself is the Best Thing You can do in Lifehttps://mystudentvoices.com/why-being-true-to-yourself-is-the-best-thing-you-can-do-in-life-853445ee9d8e

- Whenever you’re with your friends, colleagues or family, do you sometimes notice changes (even if they are just slight changes) in your personality? 

- Can Culture be changed? "Culture is the collective programming of the mind distinguishing the members of one group or category of people from another". How come we have certain values within us but portray other values to the outside, solely dependent by the social group we are currently surrounding ourselves with.

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." -E.E. Cummings

- Your basic values don’t change. No one can make them change either. It’s rather a question of to what extent you let your environment influence your portrayal of these values to the outside. Obviously your values are one of your most pride possessions. 

"Authenticity is more than speaking; Authenticity is also about doing. Every decision we make says something about who we are." -Simon Sinek

-It’s not about lying to other people but about feeling frightened about the fact that other people might learn about their deepest thoughts and concerns.

-No one likes to show their hand right from the beginning since it can be abused very easily, leaving the person in a very vulnerable place and quite exposed. Being exposed is very intimidating since it can make you feel that everyone has some kind of control over you.

-I think people change in certain situations conform to that specific social group in order to minimize the diverse thinking of the group. Being part of a group is fun and makes you feel stronger but everyone knows life is easier if everyone shares opinions and viewpoints on certain situations. 

- What this suggest though is that no one can and wants to be fully truthful or honest to yourself and other people and that your true identities will always be hidden.

- By showing your true self you find these people you share a connection with much faster. Meaningful relationships can be built right from the start and because of that you create more opportunities for yourself and live a happier and more fulfilling life.

"I had no idea that being your authentic self could make me as rich as I’ve become. If I had, I’d have done it a lot earlier." -Oprah Winfrey

Episode 30 : Part 1 - Being true to yourself and who you are

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://thoughtcatalog.com/jamie-varon/2014/06/10-subconscious-things-you-do-when-you-arent-being-true-to-yourself/

What happens if you're not true to yourself?

- You justify your decisionsEvery time we have to justify a reason for not doing something, we’re most likely straying from what we truly want to be doing. If you choose not to do something and feel no need to justify yourself for making that choice, then you are staying true to your own desires. However, once you start piling up reasons as to why you are ignoring what you desire to do, then you need to stop in that moment and ask yourself, “Is this fear?” Because, fear is the never-ending source of all your reasons for not doing the thing you say you want to do.

- You get that small stirring in your gut that you ignoreWhen you make a decision or you say something that is not true to yourself, you will get that pang in your gut. Many people can attribute this to a physical feeling of guilt. This feeling you’re receiving is a gift and, instead of ignoring it, you can acknowledge it, listen to it, and see what is the better choice for you.

"Be yourself, everyone else is taken." -Oscar Wilde

- You quickly pass off “bad” emotionsOur emotions and feelings are incredible insights into our intuition. When we feel anger, it means we are ready for something to change. When we feel guilt, it means we are doing something out of alignment with who we are and what we say we want. 

- You abandon yourself (and your desires) in small waysA little critical self-talk here. A mean-spirited gossip about a friend there. A judgmental reaction to someone here. These are small abandons from your true self and, while a couple don’t make a big difference, they start to add up and snowball into long gossip sessions, days of critical self-talk, a judgmental attitude towards others. 

"Authenticity requires a certain measure of vulnerability, transparency, and integrity." -Janet Louise Stephenson

- You break promises to yourself (and don’t realize it)Once in a while, these are fine, but again, they add up. Each time you say you’re going to do something and then back out of it, you’re breaking these tiny promises to yourself and it doesn’t feel great to do so. It creates even more of a distance between you and your truest self.

- You attract drama into your lifeThere is nothing redeeming about unnecessary drama. When you start attracting it into your life, you are distracting yourself from yourself. It’s a brilliant plan when you think about it: if you have drama all up in your life, you don’t have the time or energy to devote to what really matters to you. 

- You give away your power to someone or something elseIf you are trying to stay true to yourself and it’s becoming fearful, it can be easy to start giving your power away to others. You want their validation. You want them to tell you you’re doing great. You want them to give you a path. 

"The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows." -Buddha

- You procrastinateProcrastination is fear in sheep’s clothing! It is fear, fear, fear and more fear. Fear at its finest! At the root of it, procrastination is avoidance. There is no possible way to be true to yourself while also avoiding yourself. These are complete opposites and cannot exist in the same space.

- You feel heavy without realizing itIt’s not until a burden is lifted that we realize how heavy the burden actually was. When we keep choosing to abandon ourselves, subconsciously or otherwise, it weighs on us. However, once we choose again and stay true to ourselves, we feel the lightness that comes from that choice. 

"To become authentic we require a thirst for freedom." -Don Mateo Sol

Episode 29 : Part 5 - Finding yourself, a tale not just for movies

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://allisonfallon.com/finding-yourself/https://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself

- Realize that some people will become jealous, afraid, or overwhelmed when a person changes their usual habits and grows more mature and self-loving (others will love it). It's a threat to the relationship you've always had

- Abandon the negative. Although it sounds abstract, it's not difficult. Make a conscious effort to minimize judging — others, objects, and yourself. This is for two reasons: 1) Positivity is nourishing and can usher in a sense of happiness which being "lost" masks, and 2) Opening your mind to new experiences and new people (that you previously wrote off) will show you a whole new world that may be better than the one you knew before

- Question yourself. Ask yourself difficult and far-reaching questions, and record your answers. Then every time you reflect, you can review your notes and take it a step further, instead of answering the same questions all over again.

"Don't spend all of your time trying to FIND yourself. Spend your time CREATING yourself into a person that you'll be proud of." -Sonya Parker

"If I had all the resources in the world — if I didn't need to make money — what would I be doing with my life and why?"

"What do I want to look back on in my life and say that I never regretted?" "If I had to choose three words to describe the kind of person I'd love to be, what would those words be?"

- If you do have a truly negative trait, acknowledging it openly can give you the motivation to work on redirecting that energy to something positive. Try channelling that bad habit and into a hobby.

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power." -Lao-Tzu

- "Who am I?" This question is not static. It should be one you continue to ask yourself throughout your life. A healthy person continues to reinvent themselves throughout their life. By asking this question regularly, it updates your understanding of who you are and how you change.

- Settling In for GoodAct upon — and use — your newly discovered knowledge. Pick up those watercolors. Write a short story. Plan a trip to Mombasa. 

"The well bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves."- Oscar Wilde

- You may shake your head and come up with excuses such as "no time," "no money," "family responsibilities," etc. Instead of using these as excuses, start planning around the hurdles in your life. You can free up time, find money, and get a break from duties if you make time how to plan and find the courage to ask for these things.

- Be ready for dead ends. Finding yourself is a journey, not a destination. A lot of it is trial and error. That's the price you pay in return for the satisfaction you receive- It's not going to be easy — it never has been for anybody — but if you learn to see that as a chance to prove how much you want to find yourself, then you'll find fulfillment and security in your pursuit. 

Serve others. Mahatma Gandhi once said that "the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

-Being introspective without reaching out to others can cause you to navel-gaze and shut yourself off from others. Service to other people and to the community is the ultimate way to find purpose and a sense of your place in the world.When you see how hard life can be for those in greater need than you, it's often a wake-up call that puts your own worries, concerns, and issues into perspective. It helps you to see what you do have, and the opportunities you've been able to seize through life. 

"There is no satisfaction that can compare with looking back across the years and finding you’ve grown in self-control, judgment, generosity, and unselfishness."- El