What if the excuse someone just gave you is actually the best thing that could have happened?

In this solo episode, Michael Reddington breaks down one of the most misunderstood moments in any high-stakes conversation: the excuse. Most leaders instinctively attack excuses, feeling disrespected, frustrated, or deceived. But that reaction, however understandable, almost always makes things worse. Michael reframes excuses not as acts of dishonesty, but as face-saving statements that gift-wrap an admission and open the door to the truth.

Drawing on his background in forensic interviewing, Michael walks through the neuroscience of why attacking excuses backfires, why accepting them creates a different set of problems, and how a precise four-step response can transform the most frustrating moment in a conversation into the expressway to accountability, root-cause clarity, and lasting behavior change.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

• Why the part of the excuse that infuriates you is the part you should ignore
• How an excuse is actually a face-saving statement that opens the door to the truth
• Why attacking an excuse puts the other person on the defensive and shuts down your learning
• The four-step framework for responding to excuses without accepting or attacking them
• Why "walk me through" is more effective than "help me understand"
• How to obtain the untainted narrative and listen for intelligence, not just information
• Why accountability holds better at the end of a conversation than at the beginning
• How this approach helps you identify the real root cause, not just the surface behavior

Chapters:

• (00:00) Introduction: The Topic That Drives Leaders Crazy
• (00:38) Why We Hate Excuses and What That Reaction Costs Us
• (03:55) The Admission Before the Because
• (04:54) What Excuses Actually Are: Face-Saving Statements
• (06:08) Why Excuses Are the Expressway to the Truth
• (07:04) The Problem With Attacking or Accepting
• (09:08) The Four-Step Framework: Thank, Name, Affirm, Ask
• (12:35) How to Listen for Intelligence, Not Just Information
• (15:18) Why This Process Works and What It Solves Long-Term

Links and Resources:

• The Disciplined Listening Method by Michael Reddington -- https://a.co/d/0aKT2oxR

Sponsor Links:

• InQuasive: http://www.inquasive.com/
• Humintell: Body Language - Reading People - Humintell
• Enter Code INQUASIVE25 for 25% discount on your online training purchase.
• International Association of Interviewers: Home (certifiedinterviewer.com)

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