License to Parent with Trace Embry

Though many of our kids appear to acclimate to what society throws at them, there are still many kids who haven't fared so well. They’re having a tougher time coping with things they were never designed to encounter at such a tender age. They have been called rebels, outcasts, troubled teenagers, latchkey kids, juvenile delinquents, and a whole host of other not-so-flattering monikers. Today we're going to be discussing ways to mitigate some of that pain.

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known psychologist, and New York Times best-selling author of more than 60 books. His books include, “The Birth Order Book,” “Have a New Kid by Friday,” and, of course, the book we are discussing today, “When Your Kid is Hurting: Helping Your Child Through the Tough Days.” Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson, Arizona and have five children and four grandchildren.

How to Help Your Hurting Kid in Today’s Cruel World

Today’s kids are experiencing a completely different way of life than previous generations. Though many kids have been bullied or picked on at some point in their lives, you can tell if your child has been traumatized by their withdrawal. They don’t want to go to school anymore, they start dressing differently, they show a lack of interest in things they once did regularly, or you may not see the friends that you’re used to seeing. An example of a traumatizing situation would be a girl who is a part of a close group of friends, a third pea in a pod if you will, who is ousted by this group for having said or done something they deem unkosher. Suddenly, she’s hearing that she’s no longer welcome to be a part of the group and that nobody likes her. “When Your Kid is Hurting,” is going to equip that kid with comebacks for situations like that.

This book not only gives examples of comebacks for kids that can be applied to various situations, it also teaches the difference between a good response and bad. A bad comeback would be saying to a kid, “You’re ugly,” in response to that kid calling them fat. This type of response only serves to up the ante. A better way of handling this situation is to say something like, “Wow, I didn’t realize you felt that bad about yourself.” When you say something like this to a kid, they will shrink, especially when surrounded by a peer group. As you equip your kids with information like this, they will begin to see you as a resource; someone with wisdom that can be turned to in difficult times.

Another issue that is discussed in Dr. Leman’s book, is that many parents rush to rescue their kids. While there are times to do this, you shouldn’t do for your kid what they can do for themselves. When a kid hurts yours, the knee-jerk response is to go confront that kid yourself. It’s far better that parents learn to think their way through these situations, and respond versus react. Responding, sometimes, is as simple as communicating to your kid that you see they are hurting and that things aren’t well. Once that door to communication is open, you’ve got to be able to discuss their issues without any judgement from you. Reacting in judgement to what they are telling you will only serve to drive them away.

Not only are today’s kids plagued with internal struggles, they’re also surrounded by confusing and scary situations occurring in the world around them. Things like mass shootings and natural disasters can be very impressionable to young children, and often times scare them. Screen time should be very limited for children, but when they do see things like this going on in the world, you need to help reinterpret these occurrences. Help them realize how far away these instances are, or point out the proximity of their support group, such as their church, school, grandparents, etc. They need to hear the message that they are safe where they are.

Parents need to understand that to one degree or another, your kid is hurting and that hurting process is there every singl...

Though many of our kids appear to acclimate to what society throws at them, there are still many kids who haven’t fared so well. They’re having a tougher time coping with things they were never designed to encounter at such a tender age. They have been called rebels, outcasts, troubled teenagers, latchkey kids, juvenile delinquents, […]

Is it really that hard to find a church that glorifies God and makes genuine disciples? How do we really know what a healthy and well-balanced churches looks like? Further, of the myriad of churches to choose from in America today, how do we really determine which congregation is right for our family?

Jeff Appling is in his 29th year of pastorship over The Grove Church in Maysville, GA. He and his wife, Lisa, have been married 35 years, and have three children, one son in law, and two grandchildren. Jeff says that one of his greatest blessings is that all of his children are still on the team, and still love God.

How to Identify and Find a Healthy Church

When looking for a healthy and well-balanced church, you want to look for a few things. The most important thing you want to look for, however, is who the central personality is in that church. Often times, the church may make that into the pastor or a certain group of people, when the central person should be the Lord Jesus Christ. You’ll find Him as the preeminent figure within any healthy church. Other signs of a healthy church are that they are founded in sound doctrine, focus on biblical preaching, and preach on biblical theology.

Further, the focus of an individual church should not be on just the programs of that church. Programs are things that churches do. The church needs to be more concerned about who they are, rather than just what they do, and then do what they do out of who they are. We, as Christians, are Christ followers. We take up our cross and die daily, and have a mandate from God to follow and obey His Word. A church that is healthy will be a church that focuses its heart on the aforementioned biblical preaching and sound doctrine, and they should do what they do based on that, rather than just looking for things to do. The heart of the church should be on God’s Word and doing the work that He has called all of us to do.

When looking for a church, it’s common to wonder if you should choose based on the interest-level of your kids. As much as we may want our kids to be involved, the decision to attend or not attend needs to come from the parent. A child will actually be better off if a common-sensed, Holy Spirit-filled parent makes the decision of attendance.

Another common concern for parents is whether or not the youth group is entertaining to their kids. The thought, typically, is that if the kids enjoy the program, they will want to continue coming. Entertainment can be ok, but entertainment doesn’t keep the kids there. The reality is that children and teens have to be grounded in the truth of God’s Word in order to withstand what they face daily. Below the entertainment, should be a desire to put the Word of God into the hearts and lives of the youth group attendees. When kids see lives change, apart from the entertainment, that becomes so compelling that it encourages them to keep coming back.

Episode Highlights:

How to define a healthy and well-balanced church.

How important are program offerings within a church?

Should you choose a church based on more your kids than yourself?

Some of the challenges Youth Pastors and Leaders face.

Picture provided by: Виталий Смолыгин, via Public Domain Files

Is it really that hard to find a church that glorifies God and makes genuine disciples? How do we really know what a healthy and well-balanced churches looks like? Further, of the myriad of churches to choose from in America today, how do we really determine which congregation is right for our family? Jeff Appling […]

If there is a silver lining, it might be that foreign missionaries have indeed come to evangelize, and right in our own backyard. What exactly is this evangelism “thing” anyway, and why is it so important that we not only learn to practice it, but also to teach our kids to do likewise?

Ray Comfort is the founder and CEO of Living Waters. He is also a best-selling author of over 80 books, including: God Has a Wonderful Plan for Your Life, How to Know God Exists, and The Evidence Bible. Ray co-hosts the award-winning television program, Way of the Master, that airs in nearly 200 countries. He is the executive producer of a number of films, including: 180, Evolution vs. God, Audacity, and many more. Ray is married to Sue, and has three grown children.

Why Christians Can’t Ignore the Call to Evangelism

We live in a culture that undermines biblical worldviews. If Christians were nervous to evangelize before, I would say they’re even more nervous to do-so today. The fact that the God of the universe is using us to do His bidding is a very big responsibility.

Evangelism, as defined by Ray Comfort, is, “...going somewhere you don’t want to go to tell people something they don’t want to hear.” Because Hell exists, we can’t live a life of self-indulgence. Many people have forgotten about the reality of Hell. Evangelism, however, can be a scary thing. The best way to get over this fear is not to pray for less fear, but rather to pray for more love. Let that love provoke you to move past the fear of evangelism, and reach out in those uncomfortable situations.

Approaching someone who may not believe in Heaven or Hell can seem like even more of a challenge. How do you convince someone of something that they don’t believe in? Everyone’s conscience will affirm the truth of the commandments. You can say to someone that it’s wrong to steal, or it’s wrong to commit adultery, and they will agree with you. This is because of the work of the conscience. Conscience literally means, “with knowledge.” By appealing to the truths of the commandments, you can bring people to fear the judgement of the Lord. As you can see in this case, fear is not always a bad thing.

There are cases, however, especially in today’s mixed-up society, that a person’s conscience seems so seared that they may not be able ascertain the truth. How then do we approach these folks? You have to believe that, as the Bible teaches, every living person has the light of the Truth within them. If you know that person’s sins, don’t approach them in a judgmental way. With a homosexual person, for example, don’t confirm to them that you are nothing more than a fundamentalist bigot by bringing up their homosexuality. Use the Law to bring the knowledge of sin. Ask this person if they’ve ever committed other sins, lying, cheating, etc. to show them that they have some work to do before Judgement Day. Trust that once they’re brought to Christ, that the sin of their homosexuality will fall away with the old, and new desires will emerge when they are born again. We’re not called to start fights, but rather approach people with gentleness.

Not every Christian is called to be an evangelist, and go door-to-door, but evangelism is a part of every Christian’s duty. There is a real Hell, and it’s our duty to warn people. Evangelism is simply love in action. Everlasting life is a gift from God, and we should be shouting it from the rooftops. We can’t allow fear to keep us from sharing this free gift. If we’re called to love our neighbor as ourselves, we have to be just as concerned with their salvation as our own.

Episode Highlights:

How to get over the fear of evangelism.

How do you approach people who may not believe in God, or even Heaven and Hell?

What do you do if a person seems too hardened against the truth of the Gospel?

Evangelism is the duty of every Christian.

Picture provided by: Fennec via Wikimedia Commons

If there is a silver lining, it might be that foreign missionaries have indeed come to evangelize, and right in our own backyard. What exactly is this evangelism “thing” anyway, and why is it so important that we not only learn to practice it, but also to teach our kids to do likewise? Ray Comfort […]

Are American teens and young adults really that mentally ill, compared to the rest of the world, or could it be that we’ve needlessly medicated our kids for problems and behaviors that are largely caused by growing up in today’s toxic American culture?

Tina Marie Griffin went from bailing hay and milking cows on a dairy farm in Wisconsin, to working as an actress in Hollywood. At the age of 20, she headed 200,000 miles west, and enrolled at California State University Los Angeles to pursue a film and tv broadcasting degree to start her acting career. She has, since that time, appeared in numerous Hollywood films and many television programs, including Jimmy Kimmel Live, The Young and the Restless, Beverly Hills 90210, Ally McBeal, Lizzie McGuire, Drake and Josh, and Malcolm in the Middle. For the past 12 years, the former actress and pop culture expert has traveled the globe to reveal how pop culture and media glamorizes harmful behaviors, without showing the consequences. Tina has a husband, Luke, and together they have four children.

Why the Entertainment Industry Facilitates a Culture of Mental Illness

The Chicago School of Professional Psychology is not a Christian organization, but I was present when Dr. Foltz stated that simply providing a safe place for kids will positively affect the emotional health and behavior in children. These safe spaces are living environments that are free of danger and undue stress - moral, physical, or psychological. Shepherd’s Hill Academy is one on those safe spaces.

We’ve seen first hand what consistent guidance, love, and respect from responsible adults, who exemplify godly character, does for a teen. Healthy emotions begin to return to kids who’ve been previously rebellious, defiant, or diagnosed with psychological and/or emotional disorders. What we’ve noticed here at Shepherd’s Hill, however, is that this healing occurs much faster when you remove the technology abuse, media lies, distorted world view, violent video games, false premises, sexual perversions, etc. This is how 70% of students that come in to Shepherd’s Hill on boat loads of medication no longer need it when they leave. It would seem that growing up in America can be hazardous to your health!

So why do most parents fail to heed our warning cries for wiser and more biblical protocols when it comes to their kids entertainment habits? It’s typically because the parents’ entertainment habits are just as bad as their teenager’s. Often, we find that parents not only turn a blind eye to their teenager’s unhealthy habits, they’re partaking in them themselves. We’ve become a nation of idollators who are addicted to self, entertainment, and pleasure. Smartphones have become a catalyst for our human sin nature, and this is even more amplified when that technology is in the hands of our kids. There is an old saying, “More is caught than taught,” and this is particularly true when kids are observing our behavior and habits as parents.

Safe living environments positively affect the behavior in children.

Why do parents ignore the warning cries for biblical protocols surrounding their kids’ habits?

Do parents realize the link between entertainment choices and their child’s behavior?

The role of lobbyist groups for the entertainment industry in pushing unhealthy behaviors.

Picture provided by: Thomas Wolf via Wikimedia Commons

Are American teens and young adults really that mentally ill, compared to the rest of the world, or could it be that we’ve needlessly medicated our kids for problems and behaviors that are largely caused by growing up in today’s toxic American culture? Tina Marie Griffin went from bailing hay and milking cows on a […]

Though our fathers, husbands, boyfriends, and sons are the largest market for exploited women, little is said about how these same fathers, husbands, boyfriends, and sons might also be the unapparent victims of the misogyny that’s so grossly promoted. Exactly what responsibilities do we have as parents to help stem the tides of these abhorrent double standards and gross hypocrisies?

Allison Wallace is the Director of Program Development at Shepherd’s Hill Academy, as well as the Daughter of Trace Embry. Allison grew up at Shepherd’s Hill, which gives her a unique perspective. She saw not only well-balanced families, but also her fair share of families who were out of balance, and teens who were on the brink of disaster. Allison studied counseling/psychology at Toccoa Falls College, and has been a part of residential care at Shepherd’s Hill for her entire adult life. She began as the girl’s Wilderness Program Supervisor from 2006-2013, when she then became the Director of Program Development. Allison is parent to a three-year-old, and is a repeat guest on License to Parent.

Understanding the Sexual Exploitation of Women, and How Parents Can Make a Difference

We hear so much today about men causing all the pain and suffering in the world, but especially as it applies to the exploitation of women. But what we rarely hear, if ever at all, is that women can also have a significant role to play in their own exploitation. Christian parents can have their own impact on mitigating the sexual exploitation of women—just by how they train and interact with their kids in the home. I think, however, it’s going to take a spiritual awakening to do it.

I see way too many Christian parents complicit with their Christian kids in contributing to a lot of this nonsense without even realizing it. In some cases it’s purely ignorance or naivety, while in other cases, it's simply blatant hypocrisy. I spoke with Tucker Carlson from Fox News on a previous program, and he was talking about how obvious things should be when it comes to parenting our kids, particularly as it pertains to Christian parents. I’m absolutely astonished as to just how obvious things are not, even to Christian parents these days. I don’t mean to be overly critical or judgmental about this, but I do want to bring a dose of reality into the equation. It’s harder to come down on the unbelievers of the world for their sin and the exploitation of anyone, because they’re just fulfilling their job description. Christians, on the other hand, are supposed to be the enlightened ones; the light of the world, and redeemed people of the light. In recent times, we’ve simply been world followers, imitators, lovers, and even worshipers of the world itself.

The majority of today's broadcast is what parents can do to give their kids a healthy perspective on godly womanhood and how to raise our kids. We want to make sure that they aren’t part of the exploitation problem, but rather part of the solution. I can’t help but believe that there’s more to this issue than what’s being talked about on most of the cable news programs these days. I think when women are being exploited, very often men are being exploited at the same time—albeit in different ways. This is particularly true in the case of pornography, but, for the sake of this program, I want to specifically talk about helping our daughters to become everything God meant for them to be. In the process, of course, I’ll be talking about our sons as well. All the hoopla in the media these days is about how men are exploiting women, and I happen to think that there’s more to the story than meets the eye—there usually is. So, I’m going to talk about that with today’s guest, a person with whom I happen to be very well acquainted - my daughter, Allison Wallace.

What should parents be aware of about the topic of sexual exploitation of women.

Why the culture’s nonverbals are betraying their claims.

Though our fathers, husbands, boyfriends, and sons are the largest market for exploited women, little is said about how these same fathers, husbands, boyfriends, and sons might also be the unapparent victims of the misogyny that’s so grossly promoted. Exactly what responsibilities do we have as parents to help stem the tides of these abhorrent […]