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Before the silence. Before the heartbreak. There was magic. 💔💫

In this episode, I take you back to the beginning — to the nights that bled into mornings, the endless conversations that felt like years of knowing someone compressed into days, and the kind of connection that people spend a lifetime searching for.

It wasn’t ordinary. It wasn’t safe. It was raw, animalistic, fairytale, and impossible all at once. And it changed everything.

🎧 Listen now to Life After Losing You — Episode 10: Our Love Story Felt Unreal.
Because to understand the grief… you have to understand the love. ❤️

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Even after a year, the grief hasn’t left. It’s just changed shape. In this final episode of Section One, I open up about what it really means to live with a heartbreak that never fully heals. From the everyday triggers to the unexpected spirals, from the silence that still screams to the memories that refuse to fade—this is the truth of loving someone who’s no longer yours. It’s not about weakness. It’s about surviving. And as we close this chapter, I begin to share the love story that made the loss so unbearable. Because before the ending… there was something beautiful.

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Hope is supposed to heal. To carry you. To whisper, “maybe tomorrow.” But what happens when hope starts to hurt more than the loss itself?

In this episode, I explore the quiet devastation of holding onto something that keeps breaking you — the fantasies, the signs, the unanswered messages we cling to when we’re not ready to let go. I share what it’s like to build an altar to hope and worship at it daily, only to realize it’s keeping you stuck in a love that no longer has room to breathe.

This is the story of learning when hope is helping… and when it’s quietly harming.
 Of releasing the rope you’ve been gripping so tightly — not because you’ve stopped loving, but because you’re finally ready to rest and stop burning your own hands.

If you’ve ever whispered maybe into the silence, this one’s for you.

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What happens after the panic fades? After the tears dry up, the rage burns out, and the world doesn’t stop—but you do?

This episode is a raw, intimate journey through the brutal in-between. The days that come after the devastation. When you're no longer falling apart, but not healing either. Just… existing.

In “Trying to Survive,” I take you inside the quietest, loneliest chapter of grief—the one no one talks about. The part where survival isn’t strength. It isn’t poetic. It’s just reflex. It’s brushing your teeth sometimes. Wearing the same hoodie for a week. Lying in bed with a hollow chest and a ticking clock.

This is the messy, invisible middle of heartbreak.

There’s no rising from ashes here.
 Just ashes.
 And breath.

If you've ever found yourself in the quiet aftermath, where your body keeps moving but your soul has stalled—this episode is for you

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Sometimes love takes you places you never expected—like across 1800 kilometers, past the border, through cities that once held dreams, all the way to the person you lost... hoping they might still open the door.

In this devastatingly raw episode, I take you with me on the 20-hour drive from Canada to Kansas City—the drive I made because I couldn’t sit in silence anymore. Because I needed to see him. To try. To breathe the same air. To hope.

But nothing went how I thought it would.

From sitting outside a dark apartment not knowing if he even lived there anymore, to finally seeing his face again after weeks of no contact... to hearing the words I didn’t want to believe: that it was still over. That he was still too hurt. That we weren’t coming back from this.

And then, the drive home—quieter, emptier, heavier.

This episode isn’t about closure.
 It’s about what happens when you chase it anyway.

If you’ve ever made the journey hoping love would be enough, only to come home with a broken heart and bitter clarity… this one is for you.

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In this hauntingly raw and unfiltered chapter of Life After Losing You, I take you deep into the darkest month of my grief — the feral days. This wasn’t quiet sadness or gentle heartbreak. This was grief with jagged edges. Rage, desperation, obsession, and collapse. I stopped eating. I stopped functioning. I barely slept. I screamed into pillows, drove aimlessly at night, replayed every moment of our love and loss on a loop that wouldn’t let me go.

This episode captures the chaos of trying to survive when your soul has been ripped out — when the person who felt like your oxygen is gone, and all that’s left is madness and longing. These were the days I became someone I didn’t recognize. And yet… every scream, every panic attack, every breakdown… was love. Wild, feral, unprocessed love.

[Content Warning: This episode includes discussions of grief-related mental health struggles, including suicidal ideation. Please listen with care.]

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In this episode, I take you into one of the darkest and most final moments of heartbreak—the silence that isn’t just absence, but rejection. Blocked. Ghosted. Gone. It wasn’t just a missed call or a message left on read. It was the moment the door slammed shut, the moment the bridge burned and there was no way back across. Discord, our digital home—where we lived, laughed, loved, cried, slept—was suddenly erased. iMessages turned green. Socials disappeared. He vanished, and I was left trying to breathe through the suffocating quiet.

But this wasn’t just about being cut off. This was the moment I had to face what I had done. I had manipulated with my grief. Used desperation as a weapon. Told him I didn’t want to live, hoping it would make him stay. But all it did was make it impossible for him to. And I can’t blame him.

Still, knowing doesn’t stop the ache. In this episode, I talk about what it feels like to be completely erased by someone who once promised forever. What it means to be ghosted by the one person who knew you best. What it means when silence becomes your answer. And how I keep surviving the echoes of that silence—day after day after day.

This is the episode where goodbye finally meant gone

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In this episode, I unravel the ache of unanswered questions—the kind that echo in the silence long after someone you love walks away. I sit with the raw, relentless thoughts that kept me up at night: Was any of it real? Did he ever truly love me the way I loved him? Was this always doomed, or did I somehow shatter the one thing that felt like home?

This isn't just a story about heartbreak—it's about the disorienting aftermath of loving deeply and losing completely. It's about questioning every memory, rereading every message, replaying every kiss and conversation, trying to decipher if there was ever a version of us that could have made it. And if there was... why didn't we?

Join me as I sift through the pieces of a love that once felt like forever, and confront the hardest truth of all: that sometimes, even soulmates don't stay.

[soft ambient piano swells beneath the words, fading into gentle static]

If you've ever felt the sting of wondering what could’ve been—this one’s for you.

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 In this episode, I open the door to the raw, messy, and often invisible reality of grief. From sleepless nights to panic attacks, from silent days to emotional meltdowns—I walk you through the first weeks after losing him. This is what it looked like when my world shattered: the rituals, the triggers, the breakdowns, and the unbearable stillness. If you’ve ever wondered what grief really feels like behind closed doors, this is it. 

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Episode 1: The Day Everything Changed
 

The moment a text turned green, everything unraveled. In this opening quick episode, I share the raw, unfiltered truth of the day my world collapsed—the day I lost the love of my life. From the silence that followed to the heartbreak that still lingers, this is the beginning of a story about love, loss, regret, and the brutal  honesty that comes after and what the relationship was like.