Life Back On Track

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this episode I want to give you something to ponder, to think about, because it's something that can impact your life in a big way. When we are trying to become the best version of ourselves, when we are trying to get our life on track and get things under control and get it where we'd like it to be, so that we can truly enjoy our life.

We always have something we're striving for. We have an end result. We have a goal that we're aiming for, and where that can create a problem is when we have a standard, that is something that may not be attainable. So we have some level of perfection, some level of standard that has been set that we are striving for.

Now. The reason this can become a problem is if that standard, that level of attainment is not something that you've set, but your're taking on a value from someone else and using that as your standard, and that may fit them, but it doesn't fit you, but you're striving to attain it, so that you can get approval or, acceptance or something from this other person.

So the question I'd like you to ponder and to think about, is with your life and all the various aspects, where is the standard coming from for you to achieve what you're achieving? Where does it originate? Is it something from your parents where you're trying to get them to be proud of you or to accept you or to be able to encourage you? What is it?

What's the standard and where is it coming from, because, and I don't say this to try and trigger off something in you to cause you pain. I'm trying to save you some time because a lot of the times we may not have received that growing up, that acknowledgement or that acceptance, that sense of pride and as an adult who can cause you to strive for something which ultimately you may never get, but you waste a lot of time trying to attain it.

So I'd like to give you, in today's episode just a chance to think about that. So all the different aspects in your life, with your relationships, with your parenting, with your career, with your money. What is it you're striving for, and where does that value come from?

Because if you're striving for someone else's value to be accepted by them or whatever it is, you're moving yourself further and further away from what's authentic to you, what's congruent to you, what's going to matter to you?

Because at some point your life will end at some point and you definitely don't want to be looking back and saying, "Oh, I wish I'd done this job instead" or "I wish I dated this person", "I wish I had had children" or "not had children" or whatever it is you want to minimise your regrets. You want to look back on your life and go, "That was really good. I'm so glad I did all of that". And the only way you can do that is if you make sure that what you're striving to achieve is what you actually want to achieve.

So that was today's episode, just a super quick one. Just to get you to think about your values, your standard, your goals. Are they yours, or are they someone else's? Where did they originate from, and would you rather chase your values?

Because if you change your values, you may have to upset someone because, say, for example, your parents say they want you to be a lawyer or a doctor or something like that, but you'd rather be a dance choreographer. You're going to "let them down". So work out how that's going to sit with you, because you will upset someone. You have to work out what's more important, chasing their value, which may not get you the result that you think it will or be congruent with yourself and ultimately, be happier.

It's a battle within yourself, and it can lead to internal conflict, which can be a struggle. It can also be something you can move past. So anyway, that's it for today. I'll leave it here. Something for you to ponder about. Think about if you need any help, that's what we're here for, so feel free to reach out.

Send us a message through, click the link and you can send us a quick ninety second voicemail and we'll see how we can help. Okay, look after yourself and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Okay, in this one, I want to talk to you about something that's quite deep, a little confrontational and is potentially one of the best learning things you will ever get. It's a little thing called projection. You see, when we encounter people who challenge our perception, which is a nice way of saying they annoy the buggery out of us.

When you encounter these people, they bring up or they trigger within us, I should say, all of these what a lot of people refer to as 'negative' emotions. So these 'negative' emotions could be anger, frustration, disappointment, annoyance, rage, all of these sorts of emotions, and when they get triggered, one of our instant responses is "You made me..." whatever emotion it is.

The trouble is, this goes against us in two ways.

One; It infers that they have control and sovereignty over our emotions, about our reactions, about how we behave, and therefore they dictate the quality of our life. I'm pretty sure that's not what you want to do. You don't want to give dominion of yourself to someone who is not you. I'm sure you would rather have control of yourself. If you would rather have control of yourself, this episode is going to be good for you.

So you have someone who has come along. They have triggered you. A particular emotion has come out. You've reacted, retaliated, justified, explained, or whatever in response to what emotion they have triggered. Many years ago, I used to subscribe to this method where I would say "You made me angry", "You made me..",  "The issue...made me that", until one day I started thinking about my emotions and what I realised was, and I'll go into this in other episodes about the emotions.

When we suppress our so called 'negative' emotions, we also suppress our 'positive' emotions. So a lot of the time we're told, don't get angry, to calm down, all of this sort of thing. In other words, ignore these 'negative' emotions. Now, if you try to ignore them, they're just going to come back in a bigger form. So you will be triggered more and more by someone because you're trying to suppress these emotions.

These emotions are trying to give you an opportunity to learn about yourself so that you can become more and become more congruent with who you really are. So when you get triggered, the key is not to react in that way, but to explore where that reaction comes from. A lot of the times where that comes from is that person that has triggered it is not being a catalyst, they're not being a trigger, not the cause of our problem. All they are doing is mirroring back to ourselves something about ourselves that we may not like.

We might have repressed it. We might have disowned it. We might have tried to ignore it. Basically, we tried to cut ourselves off from that aspect of ourselves. So a lot of the times we're not angry at them. We're angry at ourselves and a lot of the times, exactly what is being mirrored back to us is what we need to learn from. To accept back into ourselves, to re-own, to assimilate back into ourselves, so that we can start to become more of what we already are. We just want to become more of who we are.

So this little thing called projection is something that is rampant in our world, people find it very easy to blame, very easy to point fingers, very easy to abdicate control of themselves to other people. The problem with this, of course, is it's never ending. If you're blaming one person, you've got to blame another person, until you stop blaming others and own these things that you're projecting onto others. Then you can start to become more of who you are, become more in control so that you start to choose your life.

You start to choose your results, you start to choose your emotions. Then once you get to that situation, then you start to move into the position of empowerment, where you are not at the whim of other people and their so called control of you.

So projection is something that is a powerful tool to learn about, because it's something that a lot of us do, and it doesn't work for any of us. It just causes more frustration than it needs to. So if you want to move forward in your life, one thing you should start looking at is your projections. The things that you push on to other people that are really your stuff. It's your stuff that you need to deal with, that you need to explore, that you need to draw back into yourself so you can become whole.

You can become complete from your efforts, not relying on someone else to complete you will make you whole. It's your job. So projection, it's a very deep hole to go down. If you want to go down, it's worth exploring, though it is worth exploring.

Some of my best a-ha moments have been when the mirror has been held up in front of me and I couldn't look away any further and I had to admit certain things. When I admitted those things, things really started to change. So that's your little lesson for today.

Start to own what is being mirrored back to you and stop projecting it onto other people. Bear in mind, of course, you are also a mirror for other people, so if you annoy them, frustrate them, disappoint them, whatever, that's then their journey. You're just mirroring back to them.

So there you go. Really good epiphany. Really good lesson. If you want to be open to it, you may need to listen to this a few times to be able to drum this into your head, how big a moment this is.

So Yeah. There you go. Thanks for listening to my podcast which has started to gain momentum. I'm getting more and more listeners around the world, which is really cool, starting to hopefully make an impact on people. You can send me feedback questions, whatever you want, because there's a link in the show notes where you can leave a quick ninety second voice message, so you'll get a chance to record it, listen to it to make sure you're happy with it, then send it. Then I get to hear your wonderful voice saying, "Hi", and giving me feedback, telling me a question, whichever it is, we look forward to it.

Otherwise, look after yourselves, keep practising everything and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome back to the latest episode.

I help people with many aspects of life, and one that I help people with a lot is their dating. So single people that want to get out there and want to meet someone who they can have a good relationship with. Of course, the big obstacle with any relationship, regardless of how much you want it, is you have to go out there and first of all, meet people, and then you have to be able to get them on a date, and then you have to make sure the date goes well enough that they enjoy your company, and then you can get into a relationship with them.

The one challenge that always seems to come up when I'm coaching people is what do I talk about on a date? Regardless of how comfortable and social you may feel, you are generally going to have moments when the conversation gets awkward, or it stalls. You might be on a subject that's a bit iffy, and you don't know if they're going to be comfortable answering it. So it's always one of these, how do we navigate this and ask questions where I'm going to be able to find out about them and figure out if they're a good fit for me, and if I should be in a relationship with them,

That's a really good place to start, is what do I talk about when I'm on a date with someone? Now there are a few things I would highly recommend. First of all, avoid vanilla conversation. Okay, A lot of people they go with what's comfortable. They go with what's easy, which is they talk about their job, and a lot of people when they're outside of their job and socialising, they don't want to talk about their job because then they start whinging and moaning about the things that they find challenging at work, and when you first meet someone you don't want to be whinging and griping about the people that you work with.

They also talk about things that are not really relevant to who the person is, so they'll talk about things that are superficial and don't really matter much, they don't reveal much of the true person, so what you want to do is be avoiding those vanilla questions, the ones that are boring and typical and generally will make you look boring because you like everyone else, you want to be able to stand out and be a little bit different.

This makes you a little more memorable, and if you deliver questions correctly, regardless of what the subject matter is, people are going to be far more likely to engage with you and enjoy engaging with you. So first of all, you want to be asking questions that find out about the person. A really good way, and I'll use this one as an example because it's a little bit intense, a little bit confrontational, very revealing and worth asking. The problem is, a lot of people get told, "Don't ask this sort of question", for myself, I believe you absolutely should ask this question. Now you're probably wondering, What's this question? The question is about the subject matter of their ex partner.

What you want to do is be asking them some questions based around their partner, their ex partners. Sorry, so about their last relationship, or maybe all their relationships. So you want to be asking things like "Why do you think your last relationship failed?" "What was something good that you enjoyed about your last relationship?" "What is something you learned about it?" And these sorts of questions will reveal a number of things to you and reveal to you their emotional maturity.

So if they start blaming the other person, they start calling them names. If they start basically denigrating them, you know that they're probably not that emotionally mature. If they are able to clearly, and respectfully, articulate why they broke up, That is a really good thing, because then they have the emotional maturity. If they are saying "Well, at first we thought we'd be a good, really good fit, but as time progressed, we found we weren't really that much of a fit, and even though we still had respect and connection, we felt it's probably better that we weren't together so that we could find people who were a better fit. I still keep in contact with them occasionally because I want to make sure that they're okay. We don't hang out. However, you know, we just a few times a year just check in and see how the others doing so Yeah, they were really nice person who just didn't really work for us".

So if they're saying something like that, you know they're pretty cool. If they start down the negative path, you might know it's probably not going to be good. And also it shows you, if you were dating them or in a relationship with them and it didn't work, that's how they may be behaving with you, which is something you want to be avoiding because you don't want to have someone that's going around slandering you. You also want to ask them what was something good about it, because if they've got balance within them, they will know that there were good parts about the relationship and there were challenging parts.

So even with my most challenging relationship, there were still good things about it. There were things that we enjoyed. There were things that we experienced together that were good. So even though it wasn't a particularly pleasant relationship overall, there were still aspects where it was good where we had really pleasant moments where we actually enjoyed each other's company. So you might want to ask them. You know, what's something really good about your last relationship or about your relationships in general, so these sorts of questions will reveal a lot to you and save you a lot of time.

Now, when you're delivering the questions, you always want to have a curious tone, which means at the end of your statement, you want to go up. So any sentence where you go up at the end is a question. So conversely, if you ask something and it goes down at the end, it's a command. It becomes definite, always be going up at the end of your sentences. And you also want to have that energy of I'd really like to know. I'm curious. So if you want and you are comfortable, please tell me because I'm all ears. So you want to have that energy as well. This means, and it shows them that you're respectful and you do genuinely want an answer.

Now what else should you ask? Well, there are literally hundreds of questions. Thousands of questions you can ask. There are three questions that I've been using for years. Long before I even started coaching people, I came across these questions and I like them and they tended to reveal a lot about people.

These questions were, "if I gave you an open check, open amount to buy any vehicle you want, what would you go and buy?" So originally, I used to ask, "What car would you buy?" but then I started meeting people that, like motorbikes and some like planes and some like helicopters. And so I now say "vehicles", "mode of transport", "If I offered to buy you any mode of transport you wanted. What would you get?" So this can reveal a lot about people. So if they say I would have a Volvo station wagon, you know that they're very practical and pragmatic and probably family orientated and safety orientated. So ask them what sort of vehicle they would have or mode of transport can reveal a lot about them. Also, if you want to dig further, asked them to describe it, So would they customise it? Would they have it a particular colour? Would they, you know ,what would they use it for? Would it be a regular car? Would it be a special car, explore and have fun with it? So that was always a question that I enjoyed asking.

Another one that I enjoyed asking is "if I could wave a magic wand and magically grant you any skill, qualification, ability, that you needed to do any job in the world, and you didn't have to worry about money. so you can literally do anything, what would you do?" And this always spins me out, the vast majority, and I mean 98% of people will say a job that's very different to what they're actually doing for their occupation or their trade or their craft. I've only had one person that I can recall that actually said the job that they were doing, which blew me out the water. But it does reveal a lot about people and their goals, what they would like in their life, what they enjoy, what gives them satisfaction. And it also also can show you where they've set up barriers for themselves that stopped them from achieving what they want.

A really good question to ask, another one I used to really enjoy asking was, and this is a deeper one, and it takes a little bit of time to answer and explore. So have your answer for this ready so that you can give them examples as to what to aim for. And it is this. "You're hosting a dinner party, for yourself and five other people. These five other people can be real. They can be fictional. They can be living, they can be dead. It doesn't matter. Which five people would you invite and why?" So while they're thinking about who they are, who they'd invite, explain to them who you would. Now this reveals a lot about people. It shows you how philosophical they might be. It might show you how empathetic, humanitarian based, how comedy based, how intellectual based.

They are based off the people that they invite. So I tried this question many years ago to a young English lad, and he rattled off these five names of these women and I'd never heard any of them. And I'm thinking, you know, maybe they're singers or actresses or scientists or could have been anything, really. And I said to him, Very confused, said, "Who are these women? I've never heard of them". And he goes "they're soccer players wives" and I suddenly thought, "Oh my God, you are such a shallow git, and it amazed me. How quickly it revealed how shallow he was. So a question like that can reveal a lot about people.

So there are three questions that can very quickly show you about people, what they're about. And there's heaps of others as well. Here's just a couple of thinking off the top of my head from the hundreds that I know "You go to bed tonight, you lay your head down at a magical pillow. When you wake up in the morning, you can wake up anywhere in the world, literally, anywhere in the world. Where would you wake up and why?" So this will reveal to you they have romantic inclinations. If they like getting away from it all and just getting off grid, it shows you whether they like to go and get pampered. So again it can show you a fair bit about the person.

So the questions you ask on a date need to be ones that reveal who they are. And just about any question can be delivered in the right way and answered because if you deliver it in the right way, they'll answer and might be offended because they'll see, you are genuinely curious. You want to know you're not trying to wind them up. You're trying to get an answer. So having yourself a nice little collection of non vanilla questions, which is what I like to call them so you can use one of the ones I've just used. And the really cool thing about a good question is you can explore that one subject for hours.

So, for example, if I asked someone the pillow question, "you go to bed. Magical pillow, you wake up anywhere in the world" they could answer, whatever, and I say, "Why? What is it about that destination that appeals to you?" "What is it that sings to you?" "Does it speak to your heart?" "What do you get out of it?" "What particular things would you do while you were there?" "What sort of things would hold your interest?" So there's lots of different directions. You can take it and explore who this person is.

All you need to do is ask a good question to get started. So what do you talk about on a date? Anything and everything except vanilla questions. Stay away from the vanilla questions. If you stick with the non vanilla questions. You can have some amazing conversations. I've had amazing conversations with people exploring these sorts of questions, and it's good fun. You can have a good laugh. And the good thing is, it shows that you're not like anyone else, that you actually care, you're willing to listen.

There are so many positives to using these sorts of questions, so get out there, practise them with friends and family or work colleagues or anyone. So, people you're comfortable with, explore with them first, get used to them with people, you know, using these questions. Then when you go on a date, you can actually use these questions and explore them and have real fun with them. So get out there, practise enjoy them. And remember, practise makes perfect with this. Okay, that's really, really important. The more you practise, the easier they get, the more you'll think of them.

So I'm really good at thinking of questions now. Took a while to get there, had to practise a lot, so get out there, practise them, have fun with them and remember, Here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown. Welcome back to the latest episode.

In this one I want to talk to about a mindset shift. As humans, we tend to be very good at noticing negatives, at noticing challenges, at noticing obstacles. It's really easy for us to spot what's difficult and what's stopping us from getting what we want.

The interesting thing about life is, no matter how shitty a situation is, there's something positive in it, and even in something that's amazing, there's still going to be some aspects that are going to be painful or challenging. So these balances with everything within life. What I wanted to talk to you about is when I first spoke about where you have a situation where there's lots of negatives, you feel overwhelmed. You feel like you're never going to get there. You feel like everything is against you. How do you sit there and find something to cling to so that you can get forward motion and get your results?

I'll tell you a little bit about my past so that I can give you some context as to how to find this little nugget of gold that you'll be looking for. Many years ago, I started learning about how to get better with relationships and communication and all of this sort of thing. After a number of years, I felt I was making progress, and I felt I was ready for another relationship. So through a friend of mine, I met another lady and we hooked up, and at first it all seemed good. We got on well, we enjoyed each other's company. We hung out together. We decided to make it serious and move in together. From that point on, it all went massively, pear shaped. We tended to argue about anything and everything. Our struggles seem to be numerous. Our arguments seem to be endless, and it seemed like it was all hopeless. We would wake up in the morning, and within minutes of us both being awake, we'd be having an argument, we would go off to work, all stressed and tense and wound up. I'd phone her because at the time I was working night shift, I would phone her on my break and my half hour lunch break would turn into an hour and a half argument with her about God knows what.

It was draining. It took all my energy. It took all my joy. It was a big challenge for both of us and very toxic for both of us, it was not healthy at all at the time. All I could see was it stretching off into the horizon for years and years and years of this arguing and fighting and the stress. It was whenever we were together and it didn't matter where we're going to argue. If it was in front of family, friends, out in public. We had a business together. If it was there, it didn't matter. She was happy to argue in front of everyone. I did everything I could think of to stop the arguments, to alleviate the tension, nothing seemed to work, and I remember in that time it felt very debilitating. I felt like I was stuck. I felt like I couldn't get anywhere. The stress was phenomenal. I thought I was going to suffer a heart attack at any time, or a stroke or something because of the tension in my body.

If I had known what I know now, or even a fraction of what I've realised, I would have found things in there that would have given me an opportunity to become more of who I authentically am, so I can become more congruent with what I wanted. However, it would take me another few years before I clicked to all of this. Now, looking back on it, I can say there were numerous opportunities where, in spite of all the stress, in spite of all the tension and the arguments and the toxicity, in spite of all of that, there were moments where if I had had the awareness, I could have stepped into those moments and created something that may not have been an ideal relationship, but it could have started working for both of us because she obviously needed a partner to be a certain way.

At that time, I couldn't be it. And it's only now looking back, I realised what she needed, and I did let her down because I didn't have that awareness. So now you're probably wondering how this would apply to you in your situation. Now I don't know your situation. The only situation I know with any detail, any depth is my own. I know aspects of what other people have taught me, told me about their situation and so I have a glimpse as to what other people are being challenged with. However, I know having worked with numerous people dealing with conflict and all of these sorts of challenges in relationships and parenting and workplaces, I've realised that you can always find something that's going to work for you, and that is now what I help people do.

I help them get congruent with who they are and help them get authentic with their identity. And it's stepping into that strength and a lot of the time we attract these people that give us this opportunity to become more than who we are. So even these people who can be the most challenging to us and cause us the most amount of pain can give us these opportunities to truly become something awesome. I know where I am now, I can see, I certainly would not have reached this point had it not been for my second wife. If she had not been the person that challenged me and kicked me and confronted me with all of these things that I needed to learn but didn't if she hadn't have been giving me those opportunities, and I hadn't eventually woken up. I never would be where I am now.

I'd probably still be in relationships that were toxic and struggling and stressful and argumentative and full of conflict. So what I'm trying to basically say to you is no matter your situation, regardless of what it is, and you could tell me all of the details and the information and the story and all of this sort of thing. However, it can be pretty certain that we could sum it up in a few sentences so that you could recognise the positives, the aspects that are going to allow you to become more of who you are, so that your life will be more authentic and you can be more congruent with your true self.

So the little nugget of wisdom I want to pass on to you today is keep looking for that little nugget of gold, that little pearl of wisdom, that little opportunity, that little challenge that's going to give you that, no matter how bad your situation, there is guaranteed something in there that will allow you become more of who you are so that you can be a better parent, a better partner, a better friend, a better work colleague, a better employee, a better employer if you happen to be an employer.

So there's always these opportunities to be more of who you are, and I want you to look for them. That's your challenge for the next week is to look for these little opportunities. So when someone pushes your buttons, when someone annoys you, when someone frustrates you, when someone disappoints you, so when someone stresses you out, when someone's argumentative, look for that little nugget of gold that is going to make that situation absolutely brilliant for you, and they are there. Trust me. Just keep looking. Keep looking. You'll find them.

When you find them, you'll see them. More and more situations will become easier. You'll become more adept at dealing with them. They will start to become or feel like they are starting to become less because you're getting better at dealing with them. And then you get to a point where even if the situation seems to be overwhelming to you based off your past experience, you can actually get a really good result because you know what to look for now

So that's your homework for the week. Go out. Find those little nuggets of gold and use them. Become more, become more of who you are. Become more congruent, become more authentic. Let nothing stand in your way from growing into who you are meant to be. I know you can do, what I've seen lots of people do it.

So go out there, Do this for you. Do this for the people you care about and I look forward to hearing your stories. So until then, until I hear from you, look after yourself from room and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to talk about something that I encountered the other day. I was at one of my social groups and there are a couple of people there who partook of a behaviour, which seems to be quite common, and the funny thing is, the people that do it don't see anything wrong with it, and the people are subject to it are the ones that struggle with it. So I just wanted to explore it a little bit and that's whinging.

So whinging, whining, complaining, whatever you want to call it. It's basically the desire of someone to cling to negative viewpoints, negative opinions, negative observations. They tend to do this almost habitually in as much as when they're doing that, they can go on endlessly. There never seems to be an end to it. So I want to talk about some of the reasons why people do it, how to get them to stop doing it, and also maybe what to do if you're one of them, which could be. Everyone likes to have a little bit of a whinge now and then. The challenge is when it gets out of control.

So some of the reasons why people do it. Whinging is a lot easier than actually going out and seeking a solution. Anyone can whinge. You can whinge endlessly forever and achieve nothing but feel better because you've got it out. The problem is when some people are inclined to complain, they will do it endlessly. Now there's a number of reasons why they tend to do it endlessly. One is they've been trained from a young age, so they've seen it modelled in their parents and the people around them, and as we tend to want to fit in, we tend to adopt that same behaviour. So if our parents were complainers, we tend to be complainers, so if someone is doing that endlessly, it's just because no one's ever taught them anything different. And it's an easier thing to do. Rather than actually finding a solution.

People that whinge, they tend to congregate together. They tend to form little groups and clusters where they can compare their stories and see who's got the biggest challenge. Who's got the biggest problem that they have to deal with. Now, of course, it's very easy to compare. Everyone's got challenges, problems and obstacles. It's easy to list them. I could list hundreds that I've had in my life. Doesn't achieve anything, though, just wastes my time.

So if you're one of the people who is doing the whinging, you might want to stop, as it tends to wear people down. If you're someone who's being subjected to the whinging, you may want to use some of these little options I'm going to give you so that you can break them of that habit of whinging.

A nice easy one is just say to them. "I'm limited in my time, and I only want to devote so much of it to whinging. I'm only going to give you two minutes". A friend of mine, when she gets together with her girlfriends, they allow each other five minutes, like literally five minutes. When it hits five minutes, you stop your whinge, and after that you can't do any more whinging, which I think is a fun way to do it, because then you will be a little more selective about what you whinge about.

Which I like that little method, which is good for friends. But if you're at work, it's a little bit harder. So one thing to do is to just tell them that there's a time limit. Now, if you're struggling to do that one, because you know they don't want to have a time limit, they want to be able to whinge endlessly. You might need to snap them out of it. So there's things like a state break. So if you give someone, something that is sufficiently distanced from what they're talking about, you can actually get them to forget what they were talking about. So they could be complaining about the work hours or the pay or something or other. And then you can throw something at them completely left of field. There's got nothing to do with work to the point where they just like, uh, almost pushed back and off their feet and they're off balance, and they don't know where to go from there and where you take it is up to you as long as it's somewhere sufficiently distanced from what they're talking about, to completely bamboozle them.

So I've always found in the past when people are doing too much, just throw a bit of trivia at them. So they're doing a whinge when they've got a bit of a break you say "I was watching a documentary the other night and they were saying that the Octopus has three hearts and it's actually got a brain for each of its tentacles, which I thought was absolutely fascinating". And they'll just go, "what?" and then just keep talking as if nothing's wrong, and then they'll soon forget about whinging. And if you do it often enough, eventually they'll either stop whinging when they talk to you or they'll stop talking to you, which is always a good thing.

Now if you really want to shake them up. So if someone is habitually whinging to you. And the worst thing is when people whinge, it's the same stuff again and again and again, so nothing really changes. One that I've always liked throwing in on people is when they're whinging about something, I'll get to a certain point where they're happily still going on about something, and when they pause, you ask them "So what are you going to do about it?" And they might say, "Oh yeah, but you don't understand... blah, blah, blah" and you just say "No. I understand. You're just telling me all of this information, which is completely irrelevant. What I want to know is, what are you going to do about it? How are you going to resolve this? How are you going to minimise it? How are you going to make sure it doesn't happen again? How are you going to make sure you can be free of this? How are you going to resolve this situation" and basically keep throwing that at them, and they'll either do one of two things.

Again, they'll either stop talking to you or they'll actually start to think about a solution, they can seek a solution, that they can follow up on to be able to do something about it so that their life is better and therefore they stop whinging as much.

Now, if you're someone that's doing the whinging, you may want to do that. When you're whinging, which is fine, everyone is allowed to whinge if they want. If you're trying to break that habit, follow it up with a whinge, whinge, complain about whatever it is and then say "So what I'm going to do is X" so that that person, whoever you're unloading on instead of them just suffering their way through listening to you whinge, they'll actually see that you're trying to resolve the situation. You're trying to move forward. Therefore, they're going to be a little more willing to listen to you unload and complain next time so that each time you have a solution and you're hashing it out, and in fact, that's probably one of the only times that whinging is suitable. You use it to dump all the information of a situation out, and then you seek an answer.

You actually actively explore a solution rather than just unloading all of this rubbish. So that's it about whinging. If you're listening to it, you don't need to. And if you're doing it, stop. It's as simple as that. Really, you know, it's natural. We all do it. How much you do, it makes a big difference to the quality of your life, so you might want to consider doing a little bit more proactively if you're going to complain anyway.

That's it for today. Hope that's giving you a little bit of information. Until next time, look after yourselves. Feel free to send me a voicemail with some feedback or questions or whatever. And until the next time I speak to you, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I want to talk about something that has affected my life rather greatly when I was younger, and I see it affects a lot of other, particularly men. Women also fall prey to this. It's, however, a predominantly male thing because it's very much tied in with our masculinity, and that is admitting that you're scared.

When we're young, as young boys, we get taunted, we get teased, we get harassed, if we admit that we're scared. We've become conditioned to hide our fear, to have shame about being scared, so we tend to tie a lot of things in with that. When we make a mistake, we don't want to admit that we've made a mistake. So again, the shame in that we have all of these aspects of our life, you know, if we're struggling, if we're feeling depressed, if we're sad, if we're scared all of these things we get given a stigma, we get shame about it so that we fear putting it out.

The challenge with this, though, is at some point it becomes overwhelming, and it becomes damaging to us. So for me, I know I struggled with this one for a lot of years. What I realised was, after doing a little bit of reading, is that admitting these things takes immense strength. It takes immense courage because you're basically opening yourself up to people's judgement, to their belief system about you.

The part where it becomes truly empowering, admitting that you're scared is when the opinion of someone else and you're admitting that this has no bearing. In other words, you can say you're scared and it doesn't matter what you think of them and what they think about you, that is truly a part of empowerment, which is pretty cool. Now, of course, is it simple to get to there? Not necessarily. It can be very challenging, however, if you're one of these people like I was, and you're listening to this and you're struggling with admitting that you're scared or you've made a mistake or that you're feeling overwhelmed. If you're in one of these situations, the easiest way to get on top of it is to just start with something small and admit it to someone who you can trust and get used to saying,

The more you do anything, the easier it gets and admitting that you're scared, admitting that you're doubtful, admitting that you've got concerns, that you've made a mistake, are all these sorts of things which are normal and they're part of life and even something as simple as admitting a mistake. A lot of the times were fearful of the other person's retaliation. So, for example, if we're at our workplace and we make a mistake, we could be fearful to tell our boss or a supervisor because we believe they're going to embarrass us. They're going to negate us. They're going to do things and say things that are going to damage our self esteem and our self worth, and that may be true. They may try doing that. You can stop that pretty quickly, though.

I've had that in the past, and I've worked out how to stop people from doing that to me. But if you start with admitting when you're struggling, for example, say you don't understand something, someone's explaining something. You go. "I'm not getting that. Can you explain that again, please?" And then you get used to that and then you can admit you've made a mistake, and then you can deal with, however that pounds out, and then as you go along, it'll get easier and easier, and eventually you'll get the hang of it and you will realise how much courage you have in admitting it, and soon it will become a complete non event.

So if you're scared, if you're concerned, if you're worried, if you've made a mistake, you'll just say it because you won't be dependent on the opinion of others for your self worth or your self esteem. So this was just a quick one today because I was talking to a friend the other day and we were talking about this admitting that you're scared and how it's actually showing that you're brave and we had a bit of a discussion about it, and it was a good discussion, and that's where this episode stemmed from, how a lot of people are scared to admit they're scared.

But once you admit it, you're actually brave in doing it. So you almost negate the fear by admitting that you've got it, which is a little bit of an irony. So I just wanted to put this one out there and say to you, if you're scared, if you've made a mistake, if you're fearful of that judgement, that's normal. Everyone goes through that. I want you to know, though, when you stand up and say I'm worried about this, I'm scared. I'm struggling, that doesn't make sense, I've made a mistake. When you can say that and you don't hesitate, then you truly are someone who is brave, courageous, strong and someone who is worth admiring.

So I actively encourage you to go and get comfortable with admitting these things. So, yeah, quick episode today just wanted to put that one out there for something for you to ponder and aspire to and work towards. So keep up the good work. Thanks for listening. I'm getting more and more listeners around the world as we go along, and that's really wonderful knowing that there's people out there listening. If you've got friends or family that you feel might benefit from these podcasts, feel free to pass it on to them.

Also, if you want to give me any feedback or send a question or something like that, there's a link in the show notes that you can click and you can send me a little voice mail and ninety second voicemail because it's always nice hearing voices, rather than reading emails, however, you can also send me an email that's also wonderful.

So anyway, thank you very much for listening. Have a great day and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome back to the episodes.

Apologies for missing a week there because my throat went absolutely nuts and I couldn't speak properly and was hacking and coughing, and I'm sure you didn't want to listen to that in a podcast, so that's why I took a week's break to let my throat get over.

As you can see or hear, I should say, you can tell I'm still a little bit croaky but pretty well functional.

So today's episode I want to talk to you about something that affects a lot of people, especially people who are single and especially when they're out, trying to approach someone that they like the look of so that they can have a conversation and connect with that person and see if maybe you're a fit to be in a relationship.

So this thing is this lovely little result that we call rejection. Now rejection is when you walk up to someone and they state that they don't want to talk to you. You have this feeling of being rejected and all these feelings of not being enough and your self worth comes into play and you start to feel bad about yourself and you start to beat yourself up and it can be quite traumatising.

There's a few things I want to point out to you, both from the perspective of the person walking up and also from the perspective of the person being approached, because when you understand it a little better, it still hurts, but it doesn't hurt as long or as intensely, and you can actually use what happened in the interaction to be able to reduce the chances of your being rejected the next time.

So I had to figure all of this out myself. A lot of it I learned and read bits and pieces, and then I put it all together when I created my "Dating Template", which I used to go out and find my wife. Now I'm naturally one of these people that is very shy, very reserved, I struggle to approach people. It took me a while to get started, which is always the hardest part of approaching because I was very much riddled with these fears.

So I'm very familiar, very comfortable with them because they're an old friend from a long time ago anyway, when you're walking up to someone, you obviously have all these fears of rejection, fears of embarrassment, all of these fears that hold you back from walking up to someone. Now this is natural because it's an unknown situation. You don't know what the outcome is going to be now. Obviously, they're not going to go completely nutso and attack you. You don't know that. Well, you know it's not going to happen because we're a relatively modern society. You know, that possibility is very small, like ridiculously small. However, we still have these fears that are hardwired into us from generations and generations. So when we approach, we have these naturally.

Now the reason that people reject us so quickly, flipping over to the other side of the coin, to the person being approached. There's a few different aspects of them and their situation you need to consider, and to bear in mind that will help minimise the rejection part. First of all, you don't know what sort of day they've had. Now they could have just been fired from their job. They could be dealing with the death of a friend or a family member. They could have just been dumped by their partner. They could be with people they haven't seen for a really long time, and they're just trying to catch up. So time is precious. You don't know what their situation is.

Now they have two choices. They can either reject you the way that people usually do, which is "I don't want to talk to you", which is a little harsh. Or they could be a little more civilised, which is a little more unlikely but would obviously yield better results because then they could explain to you. "Look, now is not a good time. I normally would, but not tonight. Sorry", but that usually doesn't happen, unfortunately.

So we're dealing with, they just put their hand up and go. "No thanks". Now, also, you don't know what their history is of being approached. You don't know if they're regularly approached by aggressive people or people who say things inappropriate or whether they're heavily inebriated people. So you don't know who normally comes up to talk to them, so they could have a triggered response because of this history. So you need to bear that in mind, okay?

Also they could be just someone who is uncomfortable being approached in certain situations. So you have all of these responses that they would have that you know nothing about. But when they "reject" us in inverted commas by putting their hand up, well, whatever they do to indicate they don't want to talk to you, we take it personally and that's normal. However, it's a little bit crazy because it's based on no information whatsoever. We don't know any of that information I just said.

Okay, so if you bear that in mind and maybe even have a little bit of a dialogue, you know, for example, just off the top of my head, you might say something like, "That's a shame, because you look like someone who would be fun to talk to. However, obviously, now is not a good time. Have a good evening or day or whatever it is" and then walk away.

So then then that lets them know that you were a decent person, so maybe in a little while, they'll think "actually they did seem OK" and they might come up and talk to you. Now chances again not huge, but you handle it well. It shows that you have a certain quality. Now from their point of view, also, how can they reject you? Because they don't know who you are. Okay, But again, we take it personally.

Okay? So for myself, when I was out there, it took a little while to get started. But once I was started, I was having fun, and I realised, how could they reject someone of such high quality? So if they didn't want to talk to me, which did happen twice in over 170 women, then they were losing out on me. So that made it a little bit easier. Now let's look into why we get rejected. Now I'm going to look at this predominantly from the male point of view of being rejected, because it's usually the male that approaches the woman. However, there are women that approach men, and also you get rejected. So it goes both ways.

You know, no one is immune from this, unfortunately, so first of all, you need to bear in mind their scenario. You don't know what that is, So try to bear that in mind. So you don't take it so personally. Okay? But also taking that into mind. How can you minimise it? First of all, the thing you need to do is you need to have confident body language because people look at someone and they make a judgement within seconds. So if you can remove some of those judgments or alter those judgments for the better, your chances of being accepted are so much greater.

So first of all, you need to have good body language. Now that body language you're looking for is confident. Now our most vulnerable body parts are our throat and our chest. So someone who is unconfident would walk with their head bowed down to protect their throat and their shoulders pulled forward to protect their chest. And they might even have their arms crossed or in their pockets or something like that. So someone who approaches like that looks very unconfident and therefore could be threatening. But if you look confident, so you put your head up exposing your throat, you put your shoulders back a little bit, which puts your chest out and shows that you're confident you have your hands by your side and your palms visible so they can see you're not carrying something. Therefore, subconsciously, they can see that you're not a threat. You're not dangerous, and this is particularly true with women because obviously men are stronger physically, so we can hurt them or they have to be more alert to these things.

 So it's not a personal thing. It's a self preservation thing, and that's important. So you're walking up with good body language, all right. It's confidence. They can see you're safe. You also want to have a good energy, so when you're walking up, you want to be, if you're watching them, you'll see from their body language how energetic they are. So if they're using small movements, they will tend to have a lower energy. If they're using bigger movements, they will tend to be a higher energy. You can also tell by the volume of their voice things like that. So if you come in at around the same level or maybe a little bit higher, you're more likely to be accepted because you're already like them.

So if I walk up to a group of women, they're about a reasonable energy level and I walk up and I'll go "Hi ladies, how  you going?" (said with a low energy), they're just going to say who is this guy? And they're not going to want to talk to me. Conversely, if they're about an average energy and I come in and I'm all "Hey, ladies, how are you going?" (said with a very high energy) They're just going to go. This guy is an idiot, So you need to have an energy about the same as them.

Okay, You also want to let them know that you're fun, You're enjoyable to be around. You're worth having a conversation with, or an interaction with of some sort. So again, that's your energy. You know, you want to show that you're friendly and also and this is a really good one. The body language and the energy level. I almost forgot. Remember to smile. Studies have shown that smiling automatically improves your attractiveness, so go in and smile as you approach, and it's got to be a proper smile. If you smile, your eyes have to be involved. If you're just smiling with your mouth, it's actually a grimace. And that's not a good look. You want to be smiling with your eyes, so going in with those three will greatly decrease your chances of being rejected just using those three.

Now that will get you past the initial rejection. You also want to make sure that you engage them in a conversation that is different to what they have used to before and shows that you're again, someone who's different and a higher value than other people. So if you come in with usual, "what's your name?" "What do you do?" conversation, you're going to bore people really quickly. If you come in with something that's a little bit interesting, and that could be anything. I mean, I've got documents that I give to my clients that are full of questions, like nearly 700 questions. So you go through and just pick out a few that you can use to start a conversation.

A question that I've used for many years is "If I could wave a magic wand and give you any skill, ability, class of qualification that you needed to do any job on the planet and money wasn't important, so you could do a volunteering job, what job would you choose to do?" Amazingly, that has started off some really cool conversations because people invariably answer with something that's completely different to what they do. So I've had some really good conversations with people over the years on that one. So you could lead with something like that.

You could lead with "If you went to bed tonight, laid your head down and it was a magical pillow, and you could wake up anywhere in the morning anywhere in the world. Where would you wake up?" Again, you can start a conversation that is a little bit more interesting,  then you can take that in the direction of holidays, best holidays and dream holidays and why, and all this sort of thing.

So suddenly you've got a conversation that's not like anything they've ever had before. It's where the person who's actually interesting and they think, "Wow, this person is fun. They're interesting. They're not like everyone else", and you're far more likely to be accepted.

So those four things, your body language, your energy level, your smile and you're what I call non-vanilla questions will greatly minimise your chances of being rejected. Now, a little quick tip I was just talking about this two days ago at a one day workshop is when you approach someone, How you handle that response and how to handle that response can actually have an impact on what happens next. So be aware. You want to be elegant, you want to be respectful. You want to be mature, so you walk up and they reject you. If you carry on and make a scene out of it, the next person you may have approached could have seen that interaction. You walk up and guess what? They're rejecting you because they don't want to risk going through that. So if you when they reject, you say, "Okay, it's a shame. You look like you were fun. I would have enjoyed your company. Either way, have a good evening" and you walk on. You're seen by the next person, as someone who is in control of themselves and is mature, and you'll have a greater chance of approaching them, and conversely, that person if they reject you and they do it really nastily and the person who was going to walk up to them sees that, there's no way they're going to risk walking up and having that sort of reaction.

In both of those instances, you could have missed out on the person who might have been right for you to have a fantastic relationship. So be aware that when you are being rejected or rejecting, it has a massive impact. So learn to control it and be mature and respectful and elegant, and you'll feel better about yourself because you are in control of yourself. Anyway, that's some things about rejection and dealing with it.

If you've got any questions, any feedback, feel free to send it through by clicking the link. You can send me a little voice message, ninety second voice message because I like getting them, actually hearing people's voices, and then I'm talking to real people, even though in emails from a real person it's nice getting that verbal feedback.

Also, there's an opportunity to check out the family and also feel free to distribute this podcast to people that you care about so they can also get results.

Anyway, that's it for today. I'm glad to be back on board. Look after yourself. Keep up the good work and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Now, before I get into this, I want to give you a heads up. I'm going to be exploring swear words, slang words, profanity, whatever you want to call it, and I just want you to be aware that I'll be using these words. So if you're offended by hearing these words, you may want to skip this episode. For those of you that are willing to listen, I want to explore this and not just the use of the words but the receiving of the words.

Now I'll tell you a little bit of stories, too. How I first learned about the power of swear words, and I was around the age of 17. I was sitting in the kitchen of the family household, eating a meal with my two sisters and my little brother, and my mother and father were in the lounge room and they were discussing whatever they were discussing, and we were happily eating dinner and then very loudly, my mother yelled out, "Fuck off, Darrell!"

 Instantly I knew a line had been crossed. I had never heard my mother using any profanity whatsoever in my life up until that point. So I knew then two things. One; swear words can carry power, and two; there's a time and a place for it.

Now, growing up, I obviously hung around in various groups where we used slang or profanity, and for me there's two classes of those sorts of words. There's slang words which are, you know, things like shit, bloody, that sort of thing where they don't carry a lot of weight, but they do border on being offensive to some people.

When you go to the other end of the spectrum and you're using words like fuck and things like that, it becomes a little more divisive because people either use swear words and are comfortable with them or they're not. Now, ultimately, they are just another word. So when people say they don't like profanity, they're referring to a word, and it's like saying 'strawberry' is a swear word. It's not so much the word itself that people take exception to, it's where the context is used or the framework.

There's people who they say comedy shouldn't have swearing in it. The whole point of comedy as an example of the use of swear words, is to provoke people, to be able to think, to get them to see things, to confront situations. As far as I'm concerned, if a comedian wants to use profanity in their act, let them. Their job is to point out things that we need to address, that we need to look at. So if a comedian makes a joke that's racist, for example, someone could take that as racist. Or we could go, "Let's look at that joke and why it's upset people and what we can do about it to change people's mindsets".

So, the same with profanity. There are times where I feel, you may feel the same, where you are absolutely justified in using profanity because you are at the end of your tether. You've had enough. You've snapped. The lines been crossed. That's it. I've had enough. I'm bringing out the big guns, and then you let people know our lines been crossed by using the profanity.

So both ends of the spectrum are the use of the words, which used in the right context and the right situation can carry a lot of weight like, if I was telling a story from my past that was particularly emotionally charged, I would inadvertently use profanity, and I may not mean to, it's just that that situation back then carried a lot of weight. It carried a lot of emotional intensity, and that is the language that best explains how I was feeling at the time.

So for those instances, I believe profanities should be accepted and allowed in, and in a way encouraged. I find if I'm doing a workshop, if people know that they can use whatever word fits and they're able to use profanity, it's a lot more cathartic. They're are a lot more able to get things out. So, therefore, profanity is a good thing. So for people that have people used profanity around them, if you do take exception to it and that's okay, you're allowed to ask yourself why you're taking exception to it.

Now For myself, there's very few words that are off limits. The only one that tends to get me is if I'm listening to the radio and they're playing a hip hop song and the artist is of, uh, African American or whatever term you want to use, and they use the term 'nigger', now for me, I baulk at that, and it's probably the only word that I do because of the history associated with the use of that word. So it was used as a derogatory term and used to put people down. It was used to keep them mentally enslaved. So for me, I don't like the use of it. Now, if someone's going to use it, I'm not going to get all upset, but if I'm listening to a song like that on the radio, I'll change it because for me it carries a little too much weight, but anything else is pretty much on the table.

So my question for you in regard to this topic of the use of swear words or questions, actually is "In what context is swearing okay with me?" "In what context is it not okay with me?" "What emotions are brought up when I hear particular words used?" "What memories are triggered when I hear particular words used?"

For myself, I know there's certain memories, certain information that is triggered from various swear words, and that's OK because I don't carry a huge amount of weight with myself. I'm aware that there's people that don't like swearing. However, like I said, it's just a word. It's the weight behind it. If you're using that language to intimidate people, too put them down, to keep them in their place, to ridicule them, to basically inflict some sort of harm. Then I believe people should take exception to it. Then they should call out the person that's using it.

There are times where they might be upset, and they're using those words to be able to articulate their frustration or their disappointment or their anger or whatever it is in those instances. I believe swearing is okay as long as you consider other people. So you're not swearing at the top of your voice type thing. You're not swearing where it's easily overheard by children. As long as you consider those sorts of things. I don't believe swearing has a an issue for most people.

I do recall I watched a mini documentary, I suppose you'd call it from Penn and Teller, the Vegas magicians. They did a number of mini documentaries, and they looked at one which was swearing, and they were looking at the context of swearing and where you put the emphasis and all of this sort of thing. And they were talking to this lady whose mission it was to get rid of swearing. So she went around promoting non swearing areas and all of this sort of thing. What was interesting was she had a particular phrase that she liked to use. Now I'm relying on memory here, so I may be a little incorrect, however, I know I'm going to be mostly correcting my recall.

She used the word "Santa Vunca" and Penn broke that down as to where the origins were, what it meant, and basically she was swearing in another language. So all she had done was transfer the swearing in English to another language, which made her feel she could use it because it didn't make sense to her. However, for the people of that language, it's then going to make sense and could potentially offend them, especially as you've stolen their language to suit your own needs.

So we have to be wary with whether we swear or we don't. We pick our moments when were swearing and it's OK if you're in context and the situation is right, swearing is okay.

So that's what I wanted to talk about, was the use of those sorts of words now for myself. I know I don't swear a lot unless I'm a little bit frustrated or a little bit annoyed. Then sometimes the 'F' word comes out, but usually that's about as harsh as I get. And it's not very often. The thing I offer you at the moment is if you want to give me your feedback on this, because I would like to hear what people think about this if you've been brave enough to listen, especially if you're someone who doesn't like swearing because I'd like to hear your side of it. I'm always interested in hearing other people's viewpoints. So if you want, you can either send an email to [email protected] and just let me know your feedback, your views. That would be really cool.

Or, if you want, there's a link below in the show notes where you can send a quick ninety second verbal message. You get a chance to check it out before you send it, so you can make sure you've got in there what you want to say, and we can have a dialogue because I can actually reply to your message. So I'd love to have a dialogue about this and exploring the words that we use for our frustration, our disappointment. So, yeah, that was basically it.

I hope it gets you thinking a little bit about the use of it or the challenges you may have about hearing it and understanding that it's not the word itself. It's the context that we have to bear in mind anyway. That was I just wanted to talk about this because on the weekend we were talking as a group about swearing, and some people were saying they were really offended by and they didn't like it and other people were like, It's fine, it's fine. So it was very interesting hearing everyone's different viewpoints. So anyway, that's it for today. We'll catch you on the next one. Look after yourself and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi. This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the next episode.

This episode will sort of be a continuation on from the previous one where I spoke about perception, the way we see things, because I was thinking recently about a workshop that I did a few years ago. There was a gentleman that attended, and it was all weekend one. So two and a half days and this gentleman was having trouble with his boss. And I was talking about how to deal with conflict.

He said that his boss had approached him with this job that he had promised would be done by a certain time. His boss was very angry, and this guy didn't know how to respond. So I said to him, "This is how we're going to do it. We're going to do some role playing". I said, "I'm going to pretend to be you and you're going to pretend to be your boss".

Now he's given me absolutely minimal information. Basically; I've just said that his boss came up a job that was promised at a certain time and it wasn't ready. So he comes in and he got into the role playing and he was all "Ah, you said this job would be done by three o'clock ra, ra, ra" and he was doing all the aggression and everything like this, and it was if it wasn't such a serious situation, I would have found it hilarious because he did such a wonderful job anyway, right?

I turned around so that I was facing him, because the first thing you want to do is when you're dealing with someone who's annoyed, like an employer, you want to be facing them, not necessarily directly face to face. It's a little confrontational turn slightly to the side. So you're just turn your head a little bit, so your body is just a little bit away, and what you do is you say something like this, "I can see that you're upset, the customers here to pick up his job that I promised for three o'clock, you're here feeling this isn't very professional, this isn't going to look good for my customer. If it doesn't look good for him and we don't give him the job that at the time that we said we would, he may go elsewhere and you will lose money, which means you're going to lose money, which means you're going to struggle to pay us, which means we're going to be stressed, so everyone is going to be stressed, so it doesn't look very professional and that's what you're concerned about, is the professionalism of this company. I promised you it by a certain time. I felt I could have it ready. I was obviously wrong. I apologise. I'll get this done as quickly as I can, even if it means I've got to work through my lunch break. Is that okay with you?"

Now straight away. What I've done is I've acknowledged that he's annoyed. I've acknowledged what could be a potential reason for him being annoyed. I've pointed out where it went wrong and I've offered to protect a potential solution. What this will do is because he's acknowledged he doesn't need to keep going with the bruff and the bravado and being annoyed because I've acknowledged that I screwed up.

Then he doesn't have to have a go at me and because I've given a solution and asked if it's acceptable, all he has to do then is say "Yeah, that's cool" and he walks off. So this role play I did with this guy. I turned and said basically something to that effect. They weren't the exact words. Obviously, I can't remember from what 3 or 4 years ago? And he looked at me and he goes, "Wow, all right, I wish I knew how to do that".

That is something that we really need to understand how to do, so if our boss or whoever comes up and they're annoyed, we flip our perception. We look at it from their point of view. So rather than getting defensive, which is our usual response, of we get defensive. When someone comes in with something they're annoyed at, we feel we've got to justify or explain, or something like that would basically go into defence mode. It makes dealing with this situation so much harder because it then becomes very combative.

If you break their state by acknowledging them, giving them acknowledgement that where you've gone wrong and then giving a solution, that breaks their state because they don't expect it that way. It also means you've pre-framed him for the next time he comes up, so the next time that happens he will understand that you're comfortable acknowledging how he feels. You're comfortable acknowledging that you've screwed up and you're comfortable offering a potential solution, which is something that all bosses want.

They want people that can think on their feet, regardless of what the situation is. That means that the next time he comes up like I've said, he'll have been pre-framed or reframed. I should say as to how the situation is going to go. So next time he comes up, he goes, "You said that job would be ready. What's going on?" And you go, "Oh, this happened and I did that and I didn't prioritise. I should have. I apologise. I'll get into it now do it as quick as I can".

He walks off this less stress, less aggro. Everyone feels better. Everyone's feeling a little more professional and also the next time he can walk up to you and say, "OK, you've said this will be ready by three. Is that a pretty likely timeline?" and you'll go "Yeah, I'm confident I can get it done by then" and he will be cool. So it's changing their perception, reframing how they deal with the situation and how they approach you and what happens afterwards.

 So if you each time you have that same reaction, he knows that's your level of professionalism. So it's not where you put the blame on yourself. You just acknowledge where it's gone wrong, all right, and acknowledged what you can own about it. So it's a very powerful way of dealing with things, and you can use this in, like I said, not just with your boss. You can use it with your partners, family, friends. Anyone basically.

You acknowledge how they're upset, why they're upset, what you contributed to it. In other words, they don't need to blame you because you're willing to say, Well, I did this and this, you know, it's all cool, and then you give a solution also, then they learn that they can trust you. They get more respect for you. It increases so many things and decreases a lot of the shitty parts. So that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Today is just that dealing with someone who's pissed off, like a boss. Now, some people, it may take a few attempts. I had a boss years ago. I was doing night shift and I went home in the morning knowing I'd taken too long to do this particular job. I knew it had taken too long. When I came in the next night, the boss comes up and he's like, "Oh, you took too long on that job" and I'm like, "I know, I know, Frank, I'm pissed off as well" and he started, and kept going, and I have to say it again. "Yes, Frank. I know it took too long. I'm pissed off as well". And again, he kept going, and I had to say, "Frank, I know! I'm pissed off as well". And then he went, "Okay, I got it". And he stopped yelling because he understood there was no point yelling at me because I already knew it took too long. He didn't have to try and explain or justify or anything because I've already done it. I said I knew, took me a long time, I'm annoyed as well. So he realised it was pointless to keep going.

I never had that situation again because he knew I was willing to acknowledge things and I was willing to try and find some sort of solution. So dealing with any conflict, there are three simple steps.

Acknowledge their situation so they can see you understand how they feel and why.

Acknowledge what you contributed, so it's owning what you're responsible for not taking it all on, but just saying it happened because I did this, end of story, so you don't have to fawn and carry on its This is what I did. I promised it. I didn't prioritise whatever.

That's the situation. This is the solution.

Give those three steps ago and you'll deal with conflicts so much better. Whether it's your boss, partner, family, friends, whoever doesn't matter. But doing those three steps will make a big difference. And one of the things we definitely can do without at work is our boss being annoyed. It's never a fun thing, So that's it for this episode.

 Relatively quick, relatively simple, but very powerful. Hope you've enjoyed it. Feel free to send us any feedback. Let us know how it's helped you. There's a link in the show notes where you can send us a quick ninety second voice message. So feel free to let me know how you go, because I love hearing feedback about people's results and I like to hear your responses and your results, look after yourselves and remember, here's your good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this episode, I want to talk to you about a little thing that has a big impact on our life, and that is a thing called perception. Now I want you to imagine you're sitting in your car at a set of lights and the traffic's waiting. Then suddenly you hear this siren and an ambulance comes weaving through the traffic lights and the sirens going off.

It makes its way cautiously through the intersection, making sure that it's not going to collide with anything, and it takes off on the other side. Once it gets clear and you think to yourself, "Wow, they must be getting someone to a hospital", "Will that person is going to be okay", "I wonder what happened to them". You have all of these preconceived notions, a perception in your head based off information that you know about ambulances, what they do, how they conduct themselves when they're out on the road.

So you have this perception about them now, and at the same time as this ambulance is going through the lights, a convertible follows them through the intersection and you'll notice it's driven by this man and you think to yourself, "Look at this idiot. He's taking advantage of the situation. He's following the ambulance through the traffic lights. That's dangerous. He's a fool. I hope he gets booked. I hope the police nab him". You're looking around for the police, hoping that they will catch this bloke, and again, we have our perception.

Based off where you have road rules and you don't run through red lights and all these different things that contribute to the way that we see this situation. So we've now got two very different perceptions about the situation.

Now, I want you to freeze frame that the ambulance just getting to the other side of the traffic lights and this car following them through. So I want you to freeze that for a second. As you freeze it, you notice the situation. You have your perceptions of the ambulances taking someone to hospital and the blokes following in the car, taking advantage of the situation. That is your perception.

Now start the image again and imagine the doors of the ambulance fling open and inside, you see, it's a bunch of young people that have hijacked the ambulance and they're having a party and you can see them in there with drinks in their hands. And they're having fun now. Suddenly, the ambulance is the one that's in the wrong. It's being hijacked by a bunch of foolish idiots that are taking advantage of it. They're damaging property. That's worth a lot of money. They're risking people's lives. They're doing a lot of illegal things. So suddenly your perception's flipped on its head just by this little bit more information by the doors flying open and the car that's following through the intersection. You now look a little closer and you see a woman that slumped down in the seat and she's obviously in pain and she's screaming out, and you suddenly realise this man is following the ambulance because he knows that will get him through the intersection quickly so he can get his partner to hospital to get her the help that she needs.

Suddenly, that one little bit of information changes your perception about that, and so it is with many things in our life. We do the best we can with the knowledge that we have at the time, so sometimes our perception isn't quite complete. Sometimes we need just a little more information so that things make sense. We have a more complete picture of the situation. So can we can have a more complete understanding and make a more informed decision as to how to go forward. Now, you do have to be careful with this because if you try to seek too much information, you never move forward because you don't know if you've got enough information. So be aware that as you move forward in your life, there will be situations where you will see it is one way, and as you gather more information, your perception may change. It may alter. It may flip. It may strengthen either way. Be aware that your perception can change, that it will change over time.

Perceptions mellow or they can strengthen. It is up to you to decide about your perceptions, but no, the perceptions are malleable. I don't know if you've ever seen the little image that goes around of the two men looking at a number on the ground, and they're standing at either end of it and they're arguing over it, and one man is looking at it and he's saying very aggressively, "it's a six. I can see it. It is clearly a six. You're wrong". And the man on the other end is also looking at this number and saying very angrily, "I'm telling you, it's a nine. I'm looking at it. It's right in front of me. It's a nine". Now they're both arguing over the same thing. They just see it differently. So sometimes all it takes is to see it from the other perception from what the other person is seeing bearing in mind that their previous experiences their beliefs, their attitudes, their upbringing, all colour our perception and make it different.

So whenever you're having a discussion with someone and it starts to get a little bit heated, because maybe you don't see things the same way, understand that they are not wrong, they just see it differently. And this is a really important thing to bear in mind in relationships, in workplaces, in friendships, in families that you're not often going to see things the same way, you will see things slightly differently. But be aware that your perception is not always and will rarely be the same to someone else.

So know that your perception is not right and it's not wrong. It's just your perception. So be open to more information that is either going to strengthen your perception. It's going to alter your perception or it's going to flip your perception as it did with the ambulance and the car.

So today I just wanted to talk to you about that, because recently I've had some conversations with people where we had very different opinions, very different perceptions of situations, and through careful exploration, we found a more comfortable place where we could agree and still have our own perceptions, so understanding that neither of us was right or wrong, we just had a different way of looking at it. Therefore, we could find a common ground, agree on that and then also accept each other's perception and our own.

And that's basically all you can do. In life it's known that we have different perceptions. We have different understandings. We have different experiences, different beliefs, and that is okay. Okay, so that was it for today's. I just wanted to talk about that because I'd encountered that recently. A difference of perceptions, and that does happen regularly, and that's part of life. And it's part about learning about other people, their experiences, what they go through learning about different cultures, different religious beliefs, different upbringings, different experiences because we haven't been through everything.

Sometimes we have to rely on other people's perception to be able to understand it more, or to be able to get a grasp of it. So there you go, have a fantastic they look after yourselves and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.